TLP 90: How to be a Truth/Love Parent

Ephesians 4 and the Calling to Parent Worthily

Being a truth-love parent is a massive undertaking. There's no easy way to do it, but there is a successful way to do it.

Welcome to Truth. Love. Parent. Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents. Here's your host, A .M. Brewster.

Thank you for joining us today. I am very excited. On our next episode on September 19th, we'll be celebrating our one-year anniversary. And so I thought it was appropriate to do a more robust study of Truth.

Love. Parents' theme verse, which is Ephesians 4 .15. Yes, we have cited that verse on a number of occasions on the show, but there's so much more for us parents in the surrounding verses that I'm very much looking forward to unpacking with you today.

But first I'd like to mention a very special group of people. We have listeners in over 85 countries. Many of those are in the 1040 window and are closed to the gospel. So I praise the Lord for how we're able to use the internet to spread His truth to the corners of the globe.

But there's one very interesting statistic I'd like to share with you today. According to the statistics from our podcast host, Podomatic, of the 89 countries we've reached in the past year, the U .S. makes up the largest consumer of plays and downloads.

In regard to downloads, the next few countries are, I think, what you'd expect. Canada comes in second, Australia is third, and then comes Japan, the UK, and Korea. But when it comes to plays, a statistic which refers to the number of people who actually listen to the podcast online at the Podomatic website versus listening on a mobile device, our second and third place countries may surprise you.

I'm very happy to say that second only to the U .S., Kenya has our second highest number of online plays, and close behind them is Somalia. These two countries beat out Canada, Brazil, Australia, the UK, Germany, and every other country that listens to this podcast.

Now, I know these are just numbers and statistics aren't things I focus on too often, and I know that the countries with a wealth of technology available to them usually choose to listen to their podcast on iTunes or other mobile providers.

But I'm happy to welcome our Kenyan and Somalian premeditated parents into the TLP family, and I pray that God will do a special work in their families as they strive to glorify Him with their parenting.

Walking Worthily in Humility, Gentleness, Patience, Love, and Peace

And speaking of parenting, let's go ahead and dive into Ephesians 4, 1 through 16, and see what it takes to be what I like to call a truth-love parent. Okay, so I want to spend the balance of our time really digging into this 16-verse passage.

It unlocks for us so many of the spiritual realities that need to be a part of our daily parenting. But again, because we're looking at an extended passage today, instead of reading the whole thing and then making comments on it, I want to walk through it with you together.

And if you're someplace where you can safely view your Bible, I welcome you to study along with me in Ephesians 4, 1 through 16. All right, let's start with verse 1. I, therefore, a prisoner of the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called.

There are far too many things in this passage for us to truly appreciate in a mere 20 minutes, so I'm going to have to rush through some things and skip over others, but I hope that you will take the time to genuinely appreciate what is the length and breadth and depth of God's Word.

So for now, we see that Paul is urging us to live in a way that is worthy of the calling God has on our lives. And though this specific passage doesn't name parenting as the main focus, because it's not, I believe that we can read it into the passage.

We must never compartmentalize our lives so that our spirituality and our relationship with God is reserved for only certain parts of our day or facets of our life. Our relationship with God should affect 100 of all that we do.

And since parenting is a massive part of our lives, it's definitely included in one of the ways that we walk in this life and is one of the things God's called us to do. So clearly that fits under the category of one of the things that we've been called to.

But what does a worthy walk look like as we parent our children? Well, let's continue on to verse 2, "...with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace.".

Wow, I don't know about you, but we could spend the rest of our time just right there in those two verses. I'm going to avoid the temptation to do so, but we still mustn't skip over any of these words.

God has called all Christian parents to be what I like to call ambassador parents. That's His ultimate desire for unbelieving parents as well, but of course, that would start with submitting to Him in faith and salvation.

Now, if you're uncertain what I mean by ambassador parent, please listen to episodes 26 and 27. For now, though, obviously stick with us and it should make sense. So number one from this verse, in our calling to be ambassador parents, we see that we won't be parenting correctly unless we parent from a foundation of humility.

There is so much in Scripture about humility and pride. Suffice it to say that our humility must grow out of our inadequacy. Matthew 5 teaches us that it's our spiritual destitution that eventually leads us to humbly submitting to God's control over our lives.

You cannot be a Christ-honoring parent and be prideful. It's not about us. It's about helping our children relate correctly with God. We're just stewards. We're simply here to lead our kids to Christ and help them grow in Him.

I encourage you to listen to episode 87 if you want to learn more about what successful parenting looks like, specifically within the realm of this idea of stewardship. Secondly, according to Ephesians 4 .2, our parenting is supposed to be gentle.

This is a really big little word. The Greek word is used nine times in the New Testament and is usually translated as a form of gentleness or meekness. We find the same word listed among the fruits of the Spirit, and in Titus 3 .2, we're given a better idea of what it really means when it says, quote, "...speak evil of no one, avoid quarreling, be gentle, and show perfect courtesy toward all people.".

Unquote. Does this define your interactions with your kids? Third, our parenting won't glorify God if we're not patient. Now, I'm pretty sure we understand what this means, but I'm also certain that impatience has become the cliched caricature of modern parenting.

Impatience makes sense if we're being selfish and our children have gotten in our way, but there's no room at all for that in the life of an ambassador parent. Fourth, we need to bear with our spouses and our children in love.

Now, in February, we're going to do a series all about the biblical understanding of familial love, but for now, let me point out that this word is the word used for the highest and holiest form of love in the Bible.

And the phrase bear with has the picture of suffering or enduring something. This means that even in stressful, uncomfortable, and even painful times, we are called to parent worthily by bearing with our family in love.

And this isn't talking about constantly being affectionate toward them. This is consciously choosing to do what is in their best interest, no matter how they're treating us. And the fifth characteristic of our parenting from verse three should be that we strive to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Now, if you missed our series on peaceful parenting, you really missed out. Isn't it great that you can just go back and hear it, though? Just check out episode 69 for the first part of that series. But does your parenting strive to maintain biblical peace?

I have to say biblical because too many people will sacrifice God's truth in order to avoid conflict in their homes. Let me say with no confusion or misunderstanding, if you compromise God's Word in order to avoid conflict in your home, you are sinning.

That is not what this verse is talking about. In fact, we're going to see that this peace isn't even attainable at all times because it's so exclusive. But before we see that, let me point out this peace is maintained only in the unity of the Spirit.

Therefore, this peace will always submit to God's commands and expectations. Now, as we read on, Paul explains the dynamics of this spiritual unity. He says in verse four,. Now, as I mentioned before, the peace that we pursue in our homes is not simply a lack of conflict.

It's a bond that has the gospel and God's will at its center. Now, I'm going to go ahead and skip over verses seven through ten because this is a parenthetical thought in the passage. Obviously, it's very important to the understanding of the passage, but it's not as vital to our focus today.

Let me just tell you the basic concept is that Paul is explaining how within the unity of the church, God has given us grace to equip us to fulfill the specific body life needs the church has. Again, even though it's not mentioned here, if your spouse and children are born again, your ministry to them through your parenting should be a significant part of the body life of your family as an extension of the church in your home.

Now, we read in verse 11 that he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds, and teachers. We parents may not be apostles or prophets, but as we discussed in episode 63, we should be evangelists to our children if they're unsaved.

We also should be directly shepherding them if they're born again and actively involved in their spiritual teaching. And God's called us to these tasks because we need to help, quote, "...equip the saints for the work of the ministry, for building up the body of Christ.".

In verse 13, it continues, "...until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness and deceitful schemes.".

Now, again, this passage is definitely speaking within the context of the broader body of Christ. As I said at the beginning, this passage is not only speaking to parents within the context of a family.

It applies to every Christian of every age, to every other Christian they come in contact with, and that includes born-again parents with their born-again children. And if your children aren't born again, well, that's clearly the direction you're moving in anyway.

So, back to verses 12 through 14. First of all, we have been gifted as believers to help equip our born-again children for the work of the ministry. Is that one of your parenting goals? Are you teaching your children to do the work of the ministry?

Are you equipping them to spread God's truth in this world? I'm not saying that you're necessarily dedicating yourself to helping your son become a pastor and your daughter a pastor's wife, but I am saying that they have been called by God to be a shining light and a salt in this world.

They need to be doing the work of the ministry of sharing God's truth, the wonderful message of the gospel with everyone they come in contact with, and you are supposed to be helping to equip them to do that.

Number two is closely related in that we should be equipping our children to build up the body of Christ. And why are they doing this? Well, number three, we and our families should be growing in our spirituality and working to attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God.

In verse 13, this equates to maturity, and this maturity is defined as measuring up to the stature and the fullness of Jesus Christ Himself, our Lord and Savior, may He be blessed forever. And then number four, we see that this maturity keeps us and our children away from foolish immaturity that's childish, tossed to and fro by false doctrine, human cunning, craftiness, and deceit.

Wow. Let's take a breath for a second and recap what we've seen so far. Okay, so Paul is urging us to parent in a way that's consistent with our calling. That type of parenting is humble, gentle, patient, loving, and peaceful.

And to that end, God's gifted us to be able to equip our born again families to do the work of the ministry, build up the body of Christ, be unified together in our faith and knowledge of Christ so that we can be more mature like Jesus Himself and not easily deceived by failure philosophies.

Can I just say that this is a massive responsibility? That is what it means to be an ambassador parent. And now we come to truth of parents theme verse. In Ephesians 4 .15, it says, rather speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head into Christ.

How are we to accomplish the monumental task of stewarding the spiritual lives of our children? Well, Paul just explained it to us in wonderful vocabulary so that we can understand it, but then he boils it down to just two significant truths in verse 15.

We must speak truth and we must speak it in love. Instead of those failure philosophies born from false doctrine, human cunning, and craftiness, and deceitful schemes, we must parent our children with the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

So help us, God. There is no room for our opinions and feelings if they contradict God's word. No tradition is so important. We'll disobey the Lord's clear teaching on a subject. And it doesn't matter what I think if what I think denies God's revealed truth.

My experiences don't matter, my thoughts don't matter, my desires don't matter, my feelings don't matter if they contradict God. Because truth must be the bedrock of our families. That's why I included it as the foundation of the communication house in episode 38.

If God's word says it, we must believe it. If His word commands it, we must obey it. If His word teaches it, we must pass it on to our children. But as we speak that truth, we must avoid the pitfall that has destroyed so many before us.

We must speak that truth in love. Now again, this is that special word that describes a conscious decision to do what's in another's best interest. This word for love isn't talking about an emotion, or an affection, or an inclination, and it's not even necessarily describing how we are to speak truth.

What I mean is it's not giving us any principles for our tone of voices, or vocabulary, or the look in our eye. It's simply demanding that we speak only that which is in our family's best interest, and in such a way that is in their best interest.

Of course, we must always obey God's word. Our communication to our children must never be unkind, or impatient, harsh, or wicked. But it needn't be syrupy sweet all the time either. If my child is in imminent danger and I'm too far away to physically pull them away from it, I might scream to get their attention.

It's not motivated by fear, or selfishness, or anger. It's simply the best thing for my child at that time to preserve his life. Basically, our communication must submit to all the expectations for speech outlined in the Bible, but it also must be motivated by a singular desire to glorify God.

I can speak all saintly and calm and quote verse after verse to you, but if my desire is to manipulate you into living in a way that I want in my home, then I'm not parenting in a way that glorifies God, and that kind of parenting will backfire on me and will never work for you.

And because God's glory is our motivation for speaking the truth in love, then we'll be able to accomplish the goal of us growing up into Christ. From there, verse 16 finishes the passage by saying of Christ, quote,.

The Body of Christ Building Itself Up in Love

This is like a spiritual perpetual motion. The body itself is created in such a way that it can actually build itself up instead of giving in to the laws of thermodynamics that say everything is breaking down.

And isn't that the type of family you long for? A family that's knit together in Christ, equipped by God, working properly, growing, and building itself up in love? Wouldn't that be an amazing family?

I say amen and amen. That is why this ministry is called Truth, Love, Parent. We cannot do the parent part without the truth and love. And if you look at our logo, you'll notice a fun little thing that we did.

The vast majority of the times you see those three words, truth, love, parent, the L of the love is wrapped around part of the truth. Those two realities right there will help us to be a successful parent.

Nothing else will. Nothing else will. Now, if you were unable to follow along in your Bible or take notes during this episode, don't worry. We have free PDF notes on our website, truthloveparent .com.

We also have a transcript of the show there. And of course, you can come back to this episode and re-listen anytime you want. Let me just say after all that, that I'm very happy to have finally been able to work through that passage with you, even though we did have to move through it quickly.

And I feel like we could have spent a lot more time on it. I waited until now because as I said, on September 21st, we'll be celebrating our one-year anniversary. Our next episode is going to be all about that celebration, and we'll spend the time discussing what our one-year anniversary means for you and your family.

Please don't miss it. In fact, people who tune in on Friday when it's published will receive early access to all the things being rolled out on the 21st. So thank you for spending this time with me today and investing in TLP.

I really pray that God will help us stay faithful to His truth, and that we continue to share His glorious word with you in love, so that we can serve your families in the greatest way possible. Because parenting is a massive under-tanking, and there's no easy way to do it.

But there is a successful way to do it, and we pray you'll parent God's way. See you next time.

Truth. Love. Parent. is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent. Join us next time as we search God's word for the truth your family needs today.