TLP 25: Parents, Kids, and Techtation | preparing your kids to deal with lust and technology

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Parents need to learn to smell its presence on your children's breath. See its shadow on their bedroom floors.

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Watch how they interact with their peers. Welcome to Truth. Love. Parents.

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Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents. Here's your host,

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A .M. Brewster. I just want to say that I don't know how you choose to listen to Truth Love Parent, but if you happen to have it on in the background where perhaps the kids can hear, perhaps maybe today would be one of those days that you didn't.

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Maybe putting it in on headphones or waiting until the kids are taking a nap would be the best option because today's topic is a sensitive one.

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I am so thankful we didn't have smartphones when I was in high school. I don't even want to imagine the destruction

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I personally would have willfully invited into my life. I am also thankful that pornography was harder to access on the internet in those days.

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But I'm thankful the temptation to interact with it in nearly every app wasn't something I had to deal with because I would have drugged my life through even more disgusting rancor than I already had.

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But though we generation Xers didn't have that level of access, these are the technological waters our children are sailing today.

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And for those of you who think this episode isn't for you because your children are very young, please listen carefully.

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I distinctly remember my first sensually lustful thoughts when

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I was five. I know. I know. That's disturbing. And you may be tempted to wonder if I've been exposed to sexual things that would have implanted those thoughts into my mind, but I didn't.

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And the research shows that there are many young people who, through no fault of theirs or their friends or their family, they start becoming interested in sensual things at a very young age.

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And every parent, regardless of the age of your children, needs to hear today's topic. But more on that in a minute.

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Recently, Truth Love Parent has been gaining popularity. I'm very excited to announce this. More people have been listening because some of you have taken just four simple steps.

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Some of you have subscribed to our podcast. Some of you have given us a five -star rating on iTunes, and some of you have given us glowing reviews on iTunes, and some of you regularly share our episodes with other parents.

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Each listener who does those four simple things makes it easier for other searching parents to find us. So thank you for all that you've done and what you will do to make

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TLP heard in more homes. All right, now back to the topic of parents, kids, and something that I like to call tectation.

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Listen, I know I'm not the first to sound a siren call about young people and the threat technology represents, but I hope you'll be patient with me for just a few minutes as I share some insights

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I've gleaned from counseling teenagers and children every year who are addicted to sexual sim.

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Here's the first insight. Number one, lust doesn't need technology to flourish.

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Job tells us that he had to make a promise with his eyes not to lust after women. Job is a book written about a family that predates

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Abraham. In fact, Job is thought to be the oldest book in the Bible. The point is, lust exists in the heart of every human, and sexual lust in particular needs only two things, a mind and an object.

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Please do not think your children are safe from the temptation we're discussing simply because they don't have access to a technological device.

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All they need is their own mind and something to lust after. Number two, technology is to sexual sim what airplanes are to world travel.

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See, they don't make it possible, they just make it easier. While driving down the road traveling about 45 miles an hour,

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I've often marveled at the amazing speeds we travel compared to the transportation of the past. Horse and buggy have nothing on today's worst cars.

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And as we've already seen, lust doesn't need technology. But technology sure makes it easier to access it.

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When before a young man would have to sneak a copy of a dirty magazine, today he can anonymously view whatever forms of vile filth he wants from the comforts of his own bedroom.

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So number one, lust doesn't need technology to flourish, because number two, technology just makes it easier.

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And number three, too many parents are just ignorant to what I like to call tectation. Tectation is just a unique temptation that technology affords.

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Did you know that the most grotesque scenes of human sexuality are available to anyone with an internet connection?

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Did you know your child can send and receive texts you will never know about? Did you know someone could send your child a nude picture of themselves and you'd never be billed for it?

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Did you know that almost all of that can happen in your children's most innocuous game apps, and that every single thing

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I just mentioned can be accessed through the most basic social media like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter? Now, we plan to do an episode in the near future where we detail for you exactly what your children can access just on social media alone.

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And I'm telling you right now, it's disturbing and it's shocking. But for now, we gotta move on. The fourth thing

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I have learned as I've counseled teens and children who are addicted to sexual things is this. Too many parents trust their children with technology.

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We know, we don't trust toddlers around ovens or scissors and pools because of the inherent risk each possesses.

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In addition, the proportionate immaturity of the child to the enhanced danger of the object just increases our prohibitions.

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Yet we hand prepubescent, hormone -ridden, spiritually immature, lustful young people a device capable of beaming wicked images into their brains, and we somehow justify this decision because our culture condemns us for not trusting our kids, or because they're 14 now, they're 12 now, they should have a phone, they are in second grade.

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Listen, I know that we wanna trust our children so badly. It seems like a need that we have to want to extend them more privileges than they've earned, and in many cases, that's okay.

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It offers them opportunities to succeed, and even when they fail, most of the time it happens in a safe environment where we parents can help them learn from the defeat, but tectation doesn't work that way for two of the reasons we've already seen.

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Number one, we never have an accurate picture of the depths of our children's lusts. I can't tell you how many parents have told me categorically that their child has never seen pornography, but later in counseling, the child admits to seeing things that would make all of us nauseous.

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And number two, tectation is filled with trap doors, secret walls, hidden peepholes, and whole underground caverns full of perversion that most parents know nothing about.

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So handing your child a device with no filters, walls, moats, barbed wire, and security features is infinitely worse than handing them the keys for the first time.

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And there's not a single parent who does that without many precautions and provisions in place, because driving a car is a big deal.

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Well, I would argue that handling a device is an even bigger deal. And lastly, the fifth thing I have learned from working with families where children are addicted to sexual sin is this, when sin is finally found out, generally after much disaster has already been wrought, parents often cut the wrong cords.

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I've unfortunately seen plenty of parents remove the child's device and cut all digital communication with the outside world.

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And that's unfortunate because most of the time, the cord of personal lust is too often left untouched.

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I encounter the five issues nearly every time I counsel a young person engaged in sexual sins. They come hardwired with lust, can't get around that.

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They have access to technology that provides them countless temptations and places that seem safe with very few parental restrictions.

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And when the worst happens, it's often the technology that's blamed. All right, but we mustn't stop with these five observations.

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I think it's fair to say that most of us disdain criticism that provides no viable solutions. So stay with me one more moment while I address the very simple ways that we as parents can help our children battle this ever -present tactation.

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The first thing that we need to do as parents is this. We need to understand lust. We need to learn to smell its presence on your children's breath, see its shadow on their bedroom floors.

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We need to watch how they interact with their peers. Do they touch each other? Where are their eyes resting?

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We have to understand the biblical root of lust and the consequences of lust and the cure for lust. Did you know that lust encompasses three of the only categories of sin listed in the

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Bible, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life? And even the pride of life is what feeds that lust, that desire for something we're not supposed to have.

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Did you also know that sexual sins scar a person in different ways than other sins? I would encourage you to read

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Proverbs 6, 29 through 35 because it gives us a view of the destruction inherent in sexual perversion that should bring tears to our eyes.

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We parents must be educated and informed about the biblical issues and answers to lust.

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The second thing we need to do is this, come to grips with the fact that when you hand your child a mobile device, you're not merely making it easier for them to contact you.

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It's simple, but we need to understand the inherent dangers of the device. You likely baby -proofed your home.

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Well, you also need to teenage -proof the phone. There are many things you can do, and we don't have time to scratch the surface of this today, especially because nearly every device has different features.

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But I will include a link in the description to a simple program called Covenant Eyes. Many of you likely have heard about it.

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It's a start until you have the opportunity to research better options. Covenant Eyes is a great thing that just adds accountability.

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It doesn't make things impossible, but it does make it easier to see where your children's greatest needs are. Programs like this are invaluable in these battles against tectation.

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We need them. The third thing you need to do, and this is gonna sound interesting, you need to research pornography.

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And I know that sounds terrible, but I think you know what I mean. Read articles about the effects it has on the brain.

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Study the physiological cues of a porn addict. Research how kids today are sexting nonstop.

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You need to become, as a parent, an expert on protecting and preparing your kids to interact with lust and tectation.

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There's a plethora of up -to -date articles that are written specifically for parents to know how to protect their children and what to protect them from.

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And I also wanna say that we Christians need to resharpen our definition of pornography. No doubt when you hear the word, you imagine terrible things, and that's appropriate.

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But did you know that sensuality of any kind is pornographic? You see, sex was created by God for married couples.

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When we allow our kids to watch movies with immodest actors doing sensual things, we're actually the ones introducing our kids to their very first pornography.

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So to help stave off these five things our children are gonna be faced with in tectation, we as parents need to understand lust.

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We need to come to grips with the fact that we're not just giving them a mobile device to make it easier for them to contact us. We're giving them a ticking time bomb.

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Number three, we need to research pornography so we can understand it, its effects. Number four, we also need to stop trusting babies around the oven.

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Nowhere in scripture is it mandated that a parent trust their child simply because they're a teenager.

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Trust is a facet of love, but trust is never unwise in its trusting. You teach your children to use a knife before letting them wield their own.

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And even after you've taught them, you oversee them and review with them and add more instruction about cutting different things in different situations.

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You also need to teach your kids to drive before handing them the keys. We need to teach our children about the device in their hands, teach them about lust.

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Teach them what God's word says and then let them mature and then bless them with trust equal to their worthiness, always keeping in that biblical accountability.

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I'm also gonna say that this education needs to start as early as possible. My son needs to be made aware of the dangers inherent in his

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Minecraft app. And every child allowed to sit in front of a computer keyboard is one keystroke away from seeing their first pornography.

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With that said, Christian parents need a renewed vision for how to introduce this concept of sexuality to their children.

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And the longer we wait, the bigger the issue becomes. Because number five, children need accountability.

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They need to be taught to live a Christ honoring life in the middle of this corrupt world. That's true. I mean,

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Joseph didn't need to be taken out of Egypt. He just needed to worship God in Egypt.

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The device, remember, isn't the real issue. It just makes the real issue easier to achieve.

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The heart is the real issue. It may be necessary to cut the core of this device. Sure, yep. But if your child is caught in sin, don't ignore the deeper, more significant issue of the heart.

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Get counseling. Root out the lust and help the child desire what is right and good. And just for making it this far, here are two bonus points about how to help your children in accountability with tactation.

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They're pretty, I don't know, common sense -y, but at the same time, I think they're also counterintuitive.

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Our world is constantly telling us to respect our children's privacy, to allow them to lock their doors, and to stay away from them and their friends, and all this other, honestly, garbage.

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So though what I'm about to say makes a lot of sense, most people aren't doing it. Again, every single time

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I counsel teens who are posting horrendous things on their social media accounts and getting into stuff on the

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Internet, more often than not, their parents have no connection, have no idea what's going on.

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So the first thing you need to do is this. You need to friend, follow, like, dig, pin your kids, whatever it is that social media calls it, you need to do it.

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And that wasn't an admonishment to any kind of psychobabble, espionage, digging graves, or voodoo dolls. You need to hang out where your kids hang out.

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Know who they know, read what they read, listen to what they listen to. How else do you hope to lead them through the minefield that is life?

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Every single time I've encountered a young person feeding the flesh on social media, I've found a young person whose parents don't know what

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Snapchat or Instagram is, and the phrase, I don't use Facebook. Is not a legitimate excuse that somehow gets you, the parent, off the hook.

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Is your child on Facebook? Then that's reason enough for you to have an account, or at least to share the login with your child.

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I know a set of parents who never would have known a middle school boy in their daughter's

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Christian school was soliciting sexual favors from her, had all of her incoming texts not also gone to their phones.

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Is that a scary proposition for you? Good. Then take the same steps that that parent took to set up accountability for their child.

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So bonus number one basically was to friend and follow your kid on social media.

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Bonus number two is similar. You need to friend your child in real life too. Once again, no psychobabble is intended here.

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I think you've learned that from me, I want to stick with God's word. So what I mean is this, take the steps in their sanctification from a you and them together experience approach, not from a you against them confrontation approach.

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Basically, you need to love them. You need to disciple them. Be on their side for God's glory.

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Too often these conversations aren't had until someone's already in trouble. At Victory Academy for Boys, we start these conversations before the guys do wrong.

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We discuss them in appropriate biblical ways because we love the guys and they realize that. I've been told that our chapels about sexuality and pornography are some of the more impactful messages we have for two reasons.

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They've said, the guys have told me, they didn't realize it was that big of a deal to God sometimes.

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And number two, they say, we offered the admonishment in a loving way, in a way that oftentimes their parents didn't offer it.

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Listen, what's at stake in this conversation is the spiritual life and the Christ honoring relationships of your children.

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Please, whatever you do, don't naively allow them to undergo the painful tectation technology brings to bear on their lust.

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Help them know what lust is, help them know how to feed it in their life with the truth of God's word.

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And then equip them with the spiritual weapons necessary to fight this ever -present tectation. I hope you join us next time.

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I'm really looking forward to this next episode coming up here, because it's called

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The Fifth Way to Parent. It has revolutionized so many things for me in my parenting, but it also has application to my children, to the students here at Victory, to your kids, to your friends, to your pastor.

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I mean, it has application to everybody, but specifically within the realm of parenting. Wow, it opened up my eyes to so many things that I was doing the wrong way.

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And this fifth way of parenting was exactly what I needed to embrace in my parenting to glorify

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God more. So I really hope you'll join us for this next episode. I also hope that you'll get on to social media and like us and follow

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TLP on Facebook. You can follow me on Twitter at AM Brewster. And again, please be sure to rate and review.

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If you haven't reviewed or rated us, please take just a handful of seconds. Cuz remember, when we get high ratings and solid reviews, it enables more people to find us and hear how

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God's word applies to their parenting. Listen, also share and comment every opportunity you get.

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Just help us spread the word. And again, always, if you need help, please don't hesitate to reach out to us at counselor at evermindministries .com.

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It's a big job, and we'd love to help you do it. So until we see you next time, I pray that you and your child can grow closer together as you both learn to fight tactation.

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Truth, Love, Parent is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent.

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Join us next time as we search God's word for the truth your family needs today.