What Did Jesus Mean When He Said We Must Hate Our Father, Mother, etc?

Welcome back to coffee with a Calvinist. My name is Keith Foskey and I am a Calvinist. We're back in the truck today because again, this is camp week and I'm trying to redeem the time. So I'm doing the Bible studies as I drive into the church today.

Jesus’ Warning About Hating Family in Luke 14

We're going to be in Luke chapter 14 and we're going to focus beginning at verse 26. This is a verse that is I Remember reading when I was a young Christian and having a lot of difficulty with. Because Jesus says if anyone comes To me and does not hate his mother father sister brother Wife and children even his own life.

He cannot be my disciple. Now again I'm doing that from memory so that may not be exactly how it reads in the ESV, but that's essentially the the point Jesus is saying.

That.

Anybody who comes to him? Must hate these people in their lives that are supposed to be the most important people in their lives. You know our father mother For the formative years of our life are the most important people in our lives and then you you he goes on to talk about Children and and and of course, you know right now My children are a very very important part of my life and I love my children and I would die to protect my children and and and my wife is is my closest friend my my.

The most important person in my earthly life is my wife and I love her. So much and so to say to hate her. It just seems like it seems like language that would cause a lot of confusion and So I do think this is a passage that we need to try to understand the language that Jesus is using and the form of.

The form of.

Communication that Jesus is using. The form of communication that I think Jesus is using is something that's called hyperbole.

Now.

Jesus is well known for using the parable. A parable is when It comes from the idea of setting something alongside something else. And it's it's and the idea of an analogy you have something that you put alongside something else.

You know, Jesus would say the kingdom of heaven is like this and that's a parable of what the kingdom of heaven is like. It's putting something beside it. Thus the term para the prefix para meaning to to be alongside something.

But what's interesting is parable and hyperbole both have the same root. It's actually parably and hyperbole and and and so they both have the same root and we're parable. Puts it right beside. Something else to give an analogy.

Hyperbole gives an extreme example of something a very powerful Example and we all know this we've all used hyperbole before you know you you. You get you finish the day having not had a meal and you say boy, I'm so hungry.

I could eat a horse. Well, no one could eat a horse, but that's the language of hyperbole. You know or or you know there's all kinds of examples of hyperbole that you can use and. So did Jesus engage in the parable?

Yes, did Jesus engage in hyperbole? I believe he did. I believe there were times when he used examples that were intended to be Exaggerated they were intended to to strike at the heart of the person listening.

I think when he said if your right hand causes you to sin cut it off. I think that's an example of hyperbole. Because I don't think that as Christians were meant to be Self-flagellating or you know or I don't think we're supposed to cut our hand off if our hand is causing us to sin.

I think the idea is that we're to cut off. Whatever it is that's that's Attempting us that you know, if we can't if we can't do something without attempting us. Then we ought to cut that thing out of our life.

But the idea that there should be a bunch of Christians walking around with without a hand I don't think that that's what Jesus meant. I think that that was an example of hyperbole. And so this brings us back to today when he says if somebody comes after me and hates not his mother and father.

Loving Christ More Than Family

You know and all the and all the rest of the people that he's supposed to love first thing We have to remember is the Bible commands us to love Our family particularly Mothers and fathers in the fifth commandment.

They are commanded to be among those who are honored. And so one of the things we know Jesus is not doing is Jesus is not Denying a very simple command of God, which is is not only an old covenant command, but it's repeated in the new covenant that's to honor your father and mother and so To hate someone is to dishonor them and so we have to understand that it doesn't mean hate in a dishonoring way.

So so right away we'd have to say that can't mean that because that would be in violation. That would be Jesus Disagreeing with the scripture and Jesus doesn't disagree with the scripture. Jesus is always faithful to the Word of God because he is in fact the Word of God made flesh and so God doesn't disagree with himself.

So he's not saying hate in the sense of dishonoring. So we know that.

And.

Then we are also told in other passages of scripture that the husband is to love his Wife as Christ loved the church and therefore when it says, you know to hate even your your wife. Then then that would be a contradiction to that would be Paul and Jesus Disagreeing with one another if Jesus actually meant that we have to hate our family.

So none of that would would Would cut the mustard as they as they say so what so what's the answer? What does Jesus mean when he says that when we come to him? We're supposed to hate all of these other people.

Well, I Think the answer is actually again found in the hyperbole the idea that Jesus is using an extreme example of the word hate when actually what he's referring to in this context is he's referring to the concept of loving him more Than anything else if anybody comes to me and does not love me more than anything else Then he's not worthy to be my disciple.

And you say wow, that's a very powerful thing for Jesus to ask love him more than anything else. Well, yes, because Jesus Christ is our God. He is the second person the Trinity. He is our creator. The Bible says all things were made through him and nothing was made that wasn't made by him and so he is He is the one who deserves our first allegiance, he's the one who deserves our first priority of Love and so my love for my wife Should be an extension of my love for my Savior my love for my parents should be an extension of love for my Savior my Love for my children should be an extension of love for my Savior and what happens is that's often not the case.

What happens is often and more often than not we love all these people with a very earthly and worldly and fleshly love. And none of those things are Necessarily bad because we're going to have fleshly emotions.

We're going to have fleshly love and that and those things are that's part of who we are we are not just Spiritual but we're body and soul we are both and so to have those physical emotions Towards other people my wife.

I mean, I love her with all my heart. I say that all the time. So that's not that that's wrong. But but in all actuality My love for my wife should be an extension of my love for my Savior. Therefore making his love more and let me give you an example.

There are times when you know, I may get upset with my wife and I know there's times I'm sure where she gets upset with me and there are times where it's difficult to love each other as We're supposed to it's difficult to love her as Christ loves the church.

It's difficult for her to to to Respect me and love me and and and do the things that she's called to do for me. But if we're loving Christ first then the reality is We are our love for them as an extension of the love for Christ and therefore When when when when I make a mistake my wife can love me in Grace as the way Christ has loved her.

That's what that's what the Bible says. It says that we're that we're to love Even people who are unlovable and and and I'm not saying my wife's unlovable all the time I mean she I love her and she's great.

But there are times where we have difficulty with one another because we're human beings and we still love each other. Because our love for each other is not based on our behavior towards one another.

Our love for each other is based on our fidelity to Christ and therefore when we make a mistake Or we have an issue we can say to one another we still love each other we still love each other. Because our love is not Conditional it's not contingent upon what the other one does.

We love each other because of who we are in Christ and and so our first allegiance our first love should be To Christ and when he says if you come to me and you hate not your mother father Sister brother, you know wife children all those things He's saying ultimately that we ought to love him first.

And if we love him first, we will love other people better. If we love Christ when I when I give I do premarital counseling I do weddings and when I do premarital counseling, I tell both of the people I say if you love each other That is good.

If you both love Christ, you will love each other better. So let me say that again if you love each other, that's good. But if you love Christ you will love each other better and Ultimately Christ deserves first place.

That's all he's saying. He's saying as Savior as Lord as creator I deserve first place and there's really there shouldn't be any argument with that Jesus does deserve first place and if there comes a point where my relationship with a family member my Relationship with and you know cousin and uncle and even my parents if there comes a place where it's between them and Christ Christ will be the winner.

He must be the winner. And that's another way. I think we can understand this passage is that when when someone is putting Themselves about wants themselves to be above Christ in your life. You say no Christ is in the first place even with our with our Spouses which is which is sometimes hard because our spouse is again the most important earthly person that we have.

And it's easy to say You know that that person You know may edge out Christ at a certain point in our heart even if we don't mean for them to. So it's it's important at that that place to get our priorities right and say you know what if Christ is first.

Then I'll actually be better to my wife if Christ is first. I'll actually be better father to my children. And and so Certainly Jesus is not calling us to break the commandments. Certainly Jesus is not calling us to hate in the sense of a earthly physical fleshly hate.

Jesus is calling us to love him more. He's calling us to put him first and as Savior He deserves first place. I hope this has been an encouragement to you I hope this has helped you understand this passage better.

Closing Encouragement and Show Sign-Off

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Again thank you for watching coffee with a Calvinist. My name is Keith Foskey and I am a Calvinist. May God bless you.