Saturday Special: The Billy Graham Rule is Still Wise

Welcome to a Saturday special edition of When We Understand the Text. Looking at current events and responding to them with a solid understanding of scripture. Visit our website at www .utt .com. Here once again is Pastor Gabe.

The Billy Graham rule is still wise. Pastor Gabe's blog for September 25, 2024. Ecclesiastes 4, 9 -10 says, Two are better than one. Because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.

But woe to him who is alone when he falls, and has not another to lift him up. Two decades ago, I was employed in Christian radio, with a side gig as a musician, performing over a hundred concerts a year.

I had a good run as an independent musician for about a decade. I was single then, no wife and kids, thinking that I was going to make it in the Christian music biz. I thank God now that I didn't. It may have ruined me, but that's a story for another time.

About two-thirds of my time on the road, I was either with one of my brothers or another member of my band, or I had the whole band with me. The other third of the time, I was a solo act. Most weekends consisted of doing a concert on a Saturday evening.

Then I would preach or lead worship in a church on Sunday, and I might do another concert at a church on Sunday night. One of the craziest weekends I ever had was in the summer of 2004, the last three days of a month-long tour.

My band and I played a walk for life on Friday night in southwest Kansas. Then we did an outdoor church festival on Saturday morning, somewhere in the Oklahoma panhandle. Then we played for a block party on Saturday night in Woodward, Oklahoma.

Then we did an acoustic worship set in a church on Sunday morning in Holly, Colorado. Then we played an outdoor concert on Sunday afternoon in Lamar, Colorado. Then back home to Kansas that night. Five sets in three states in two nights and two days.

When I traveled, I didn't think about things like accountability. I wasn't going to be doing anything I shouldn't be doing. Just get there, do the show, hang out with some folks before and afterward, and then head to the next gig.

This pattern inspired a song I wrote called Long and Lonely Road. Maybe I'll share it sometime. It was later in 2004 that I did a solo concert in Pueblo, Colorado. I was to perform at a youth event on Saturday evening.

Then I was going to lead worship and preach at the church on Sunday morning, so the church got me a hotel room. After the concert on Saturday evening, as I was selling CDs and such at my merch table, there was a young woman about my age who came up to talk to me.

She even waited until everyone else was gone so that we could talk longer. My wife will tell you, I'm pretty naive when it comes to picking up signals. That can be good and bad. There has been a time or two when she stepped into a conversation where she was picking up a certain vibe from another woman, and Becky introduced herself, hi, I'm his wife.

Really, I'm oblivious to any of it. I did not yet know Becky on this night in Pueblo, so she was not around to pick up on any signals for me, but one of the pastors who was there did pick up on it. He watched us both, and he told me later he did not get the sense that I was reciprocating, but he did notice that she was interested.

When the night was over, I gathered up my things to head to my hotel, and that pastor followed me. He didn't tell me he was going to follow me, he just did. Unbeknownst to me that he was there, he parked in the lot and watched me to see if I went to my hotel room alone or if that gal I had been talking to was going to meet me there and follow me up.

He saw me go in by myself, he waited around to see if anyone else was going to show up, and when enough time had passed, he went home. He told me about it the next morning at church, but he told me apologizing, I'm sorry, I should have trusted you, he said.

I told him he had nothing to apologize for, I'm glad you did it, I said. It's good to keep each other honest and to hold each other accountable. Now I did not always maintain this level of purity or sense as a young man, I also made some dumb decisions, and not because I was simply naive, but because I'm a sinner.

Again that's for another time. My years on the road and this particular occasion came back to my mind. In light of talks surrounding the news that came out last week about Steve Lawson. But this is not another article about Lawson, I already addressed that on my podcast Friday and you can read a transcript of it on my blog.

This is an article about a discipline commonly referred to as the Billy Graham Rule. I made a comment about it on social media and it received a lot of feedback, both for and against. I'll share some of those comments and respond to them below.

What is the Billy Graham Rule? First I should probably explain what the Billy Graham Rule is. After Billy Graham held a series of evangelistic meetings in Modesto, California in 1948, he and his team got together and agreed upon a set of commitments that they might uphold the highest standard of biblical morality, integrity, and purity.

Those four commitments had to do with the handling of finances, the danger of sexual immorality, avoiding criticism of other churches, and honest publicity. This became known as the Modesto Manifesto.

Regarding the danger of sexual immorality, Graham said, We all knew of evangelists who had fallen into immorality while separated from their families by travel. We pledged, among ourselves, to avoid any situation that would have even the appearance of compromise or suspicion.

From that day on, I did not travel, meet, or eat alone with a woman other than my wife. This became known as the Billy Graham Rule, a personal code of conduct in which a man is committed to never travel, dine, or meet alone with a woman who is not his wife.

It has also been called the Mike Pence Rule, as former Vice President Pence shared a similar discipline several years ago. It was intended first for Graham and his team, applying mostly to the context of traveling preachers.

But some manner of this rule has always been a common-sense practice. When my wife and I were dating, and then when we were engaged, we knew that the more time we spent alone together, the more tempted we were.

The desire we had for each other was perfectly normal for a young couple to have, but we needed to keep that desire pure and obedient to the Lord. So until we were married, we tried to always be around other people, whether that was at church, with friends, in public, or at her parents' house.

I have often told young people that when you date, go out in the daytime, in groups, in public places, and do not be isolated alone together at night. That's wise. I will implement these same standards with my children when they are old enough to want to date.

As a parent, I have that right. Thankfully, my 16-year-old daughter has not yet expressed any interest in this. She's focused on her work and thinks most of the boys her age are too immature. I'm just fine with that.

This is not just a matter of avoiding temptation. It's also a matter of accountability. As I told that pastor who was checking up on me, I'm glad he did. He wanted to keep me pure and honest, and we should all have that kind of consideration for one another, especially as brothers and sisters in Christ.

Simple disciplines like this are actually caring for each other. Objections to the Billy Graham Rule. Observing some of the reactions to the news of Lawson's infidelity, I shared the following post. Quote, The Billy Graham Rule is still wise.

Do not spend time alone with a member of the opposite sex who is not your spouse or one of your children. Unquote. Of course, you could add your parents, or your grandparents, or cousins, or the like.

I didn't feel the need to be exhaustive, but you get the point. The reaction to my post was mostly positive. I was amazed at all the different places I found people sharing it. The only other post I've made this year to get more attention than that one was when I made a meme of a guy stepping in something pagan, and it was a picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

I responded to that backlash in a What video. Of course, there are people, mostly ex-evangelicals and progressive Christians, if there could be such a thing, who utterly hate the Billy Graham Rule with a screeching passion.

Said Joel Berry, a Marine vet and editor of the Babylon Bee,. Every few months, progressive evangelicals on this app remember about the Billy Graham Rule and lose their minds. He posted screenshots of reactions to my post, which were mostly liberals losing their minds.

Anti-Christian and aspiring comedian April Ajoy said, quote, The Billy Graham Rule is still sexist, unquote. Berry replied, Why do you want to be alone with other dudes so bad? That's weird. Ajoy shared a post about a year ago elated that her husband had come out as queer and was now dressing as a woman.

So to Berry's question, there might be an answer in there somewhere. Mason Meninga, a critic of Christians, though he fancies himself as the Internet's youth pastor, shared my post and said, quote,. My favorite story about Jesus is when he broke the Billy Graham Rule with a woman at the well, unquote.

First, was there ever a time Jesus went off alone with a woman? The occasion with the Samaritan woman at the well was public in the middle of the day and circumstantial as far as anyone else was concerned.

The Lord intended this as an evangelistic encounter. Jesus told the woman her sin and revealed that he was the Savior. Meninga is more interested in Jesus being alone with a woman than in what he actually said.

Second, these guys will rip on any pastor who spends time alone with a woman, not his wife, but then make fun of the Billy Graham Rule. Meninga responded and said, quote, Where does the Billy Graham Rule state it's OK in public?

The rule literally says avoid any situation that would have even the appearance of compromise or suspicion, unquote. As I said, this is common sense wisdom, not a law. It's not some absolute you must do it the way Billy Graham said.

It's not like the moment a man and woman not married to each other find themselves alone together, they're doing something sinful. It's ironic that the people who hate this code of conduct are the most graceless and rigid in its application.

I simply said to Meninga, do you believe Jesus' conversation with the woman at the well had the appearance of compromise or suspicion? He said, I'm sure had you been in that same situation, it would have been suspicious.

That's funny. He did exactly what I said. These guys will rip on any pastor who spends time alone with a woman, not his wife, but then make fun of the Billy Graham Rule. In case this needs to be said, never, ever leave a teenager alone with a guy self-titled the Internet's youth pastor who thinks it's fine to be alone with your teen.

James, a Christian financial advisor, said, quote, Paul says, treat the younger women as sisters with all purity. First Timothy five to if you would spend time alone with your sister, why couldn't you with a sister in Christ, unquote.

As James really thought through how unsettling it is to reason this way, essentially he is making an argument for why I should be OK with him being alone with my wife or teenage daughter on the basis that he considers them sisters in the Lord.

That kind of reasoning makes me trust him even less. I pointed out to James that Paul told Titus to teach the older men, older women and younger men. But it's interesting to note that he said to leave the discipling of the younger women to the older women.

See Titus two, three through five. There's wisdom in that. A pastor can still preach and teach to women. I do. Women must also be subject to their pastors, Hebrews 13, 17, first Peter five, five. But when it comes to one on one discipleship, let women teach women as God commands.

A fellow named Tad said that the Billy Graham rule, quote, also applies to not only in person encounters, but text messages, email or online, unquote, like social media. Also a great point. An affair can begin with private conversations on the Internet or a man can have adulterous lust for pornographic images.

It's important to have accountability there also. Mo in the Caribbean said, as a childless widower, I no longer have a spouse nor daughters. So on the face of it, the BG rule would seem to make it well nigh impossible for me to cultivate a close relationship with any woman ever again, unquote nonsense.

See again, my dating advice for young people, Sarah from Dallas said, quote, I just finished a week long work trip with my boss where I met a number of higher ups and presented to them. My boss is a man under this rule.

He would have taken a lower level male attorney and hurt my career, unquote. And he has that right. No one's career should come at the expense of someone else's integrity and purity. Time will tell how wise that was.

A professor named Scott said, quote,. I had a pastor friend accused of being inappropriate with a teenage girl on a team he was coaching. She had a lot of trauma in her life. He follows the Graham rule.

So people were always present whenever he was around her. Imagine if they'd ever been alone, he'd be in jail, unquote. Melanie from Canada said, quote,. The thing is, the Billy Graham rule also protects against false accusations.

I express this to my husband. It's not so much a trust factor with him, but a protection for his reputation against false accusations to not even give an appearance of impropriety, unquote. Another Canadian named Phil said, quote,.

The Billy Graham rule makes so much sense that being against it is like being against voter ID, unquote. That made me laugh. Daniel from Portland said, quote,. Next time I'm in a patient's room and a female RN comes in, I'll tell her to leave since apparently Christian men are so morally bankrupt and weak they can't stand to not sexualize women, unquote.

First of all, if a doctor and nurse are with a patient, they're not alone, are they? Second, he mocks. But a doctor having an affair with a nurse is a story I hear a lot. A Harvard grad named Ali said, quote,.

In an age with sexual assault and false allegations, the Billy Graham rule protects both men and women. Does everyone need it? No. You do you. But I can't even remotely fault someone, especially in work environments, who wants to protect themselves or their marriage this way, unquote.

A guy by the name of Antonio with a weird owl avatar in a mask said, quote,. Where is the Billy Graham rule in the Bible? Asking for a friend, unquote. Again, it's wise, not a law. The law is you shall not commit adultery.

Exodus 2014. Do not even have the desire for it in your heart. Colossians 3 5. For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor.

First Thessalonians 4 3 through 4. The Billy Graham rule is simply good counsel for practicing self-control, though it is not a law. Biblical support is always good. So consider also Romans 12 17, which says give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all or Romans 16 19, which says be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil.

Some other commenters shared Romans 13 14 put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh to gratify its desires. Jay at American Torah said, do not be deceived. Bad company corrupts good morals.

First Corinthians 15 33. Sometimes bad company isn't just a bad person, but a good person in the wrong moment. Unquote. Chris from Jacksonville said, quote, I believe there should be boundaries for married men, but the Billy Graham rule that views any woman who isn't your wife or family as a threat to be avoided ain't it.

It's become a legalistic addition to the gospel that Jesus himself would not have practiced. Unquote. The Billy Graham rule is not under the assumption that every woman is a threat. I'll expound on that later.

No matter what, you are responsible to discipline your thoughts. Jesus said, you have heard that it was said, you shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

He went on to say, if your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.

For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. Matthew 5, 27 -30. That's even more extreme than the Billy Graham rule. Would you have called Jesus legalistic for saying so?

In Proverbs 5, Solomon advises his son to keep away from the adulterous woman. Verse 8 says, keep your way far from her and do not go near the door of her house. In other words, do not put yourself in a position where you would be anywhere near the temptation.

That's in the spirit of the Billy Graham rule. Casey who is a Mountaineers fan said, quote, the Billy Graham rule is cowardly and an excuse for a lack of self-control while placing blame on temptresses instead of self, unquote.

This is one of the most common criticisms against the Billy Graham rule. Cynics will say it's for men who lack self-control. On the contrary, the Billy Graham rule is an act of self-control. It does not place blame on the temptress as if the man was not at fault.

As I just referenced, Proverbs 5, Solomon warns of the temptress, but if his son is seduced by her, it's his own fault and the consequences he brings upon himself are deadly. Nonetheless, it is utterly foolish to diminish the danger of a temptress.

Proverbs dedicates three consecutive chapters of warning against her wiles and then some. Do not for a moment think that a woman in an adulterous encounter is not to blame. The woman that a foolish pastor committed adultery with is herself an adulteress.

She's a seductress. She is a homewrecker. She is the forbidden woman whose lips drip honey and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end, she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death.

Her steps follow the path to Sheol. She does not ponder the path of life. Her ways wander and she does not know it, Proverbs 5, 3 -6. She played a role in bringing down a man and his ministry and she will have to stand before God for that.

The scripture is crystal clear on this. Let marriage be held in honor among all and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous, Hebrews 13, 4, whether that is the man or the woman.

But the greater blame is on the preacher who fell. As I said to this matter last week, not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness, James 3, 1.

He knows better and instead of being a shepherd who protects and guides the flock, he has devoured them with his fleshly appetites. The common sense of the Billy Graham rule. The world hates purity and holiness, especially when it comes to sexual purity.

They are not going to congratulate you for setting up boundaries to honor God and others, no matter how noble your intentions may be. The Billy Graham rule is one of those things where you're doomed if you do it and you're doomed if you don't.

Loss from Virginia said, quote, this is truly pathetic. What kind of marriage do you have? If you can't be trusted not to cheat on your spouse simply because you're alone with a member of the opposite sex, unquote.

Again, this line of argumentation is weird and kind of creepy. Why do you want me to be alone with other women, not my wife so bad? Why does it offend you so much that I won't be going back up to what I said to Meninga?

These people will rip on the Billy Graham rule. But what do you think their reaction will be when they hear of a pastor spending time alone with other women who are not his wife? Do you really think they're going to say, hey, everyone, we can trust him.

He's married. He can be alone with members of the opposite sex. He's not cheating on his wife. It's no big deal. Stop thinking the worst of people. Oh, absolutely not. You know it and I know it. Even if every woman he's ever spent time alone with comes forward and says he was a gentleman, he loves his wife and there was absolutely no infidelity between them.

The public will still accuse him of grooming and being a predator. Faithful friends and followers will come to his defense, but the court of public opinion will have none of that. Carl from Huntsville, Alabama, said, quote, to keep the policy fair, he would need to have the same rule for members of the same sex.

Otherwise, women will never have equal access to him, unquote. If a pastor were to go out to lunch alone with another man, no one would raise a single question. If that same pastor were to go out to lunch alone with another woman.

There would be all kinds of questions. It's common sense. We know this. The first qualification of a pastor is that he must be above reproach. First Timothy three to Titus one, six, meaning that he is above blame, unable to be credibly convicted of wrongdoing when accused.

How is a pastor able to uphold and maintain that requirement if he doesn't have some kind of safeguards like the Billy Graham rule? Maya of Great Britain said that the Billy Graham rule is dehumanizing.

Quote, a woman in a working relationship with a man who follows the Billy Graham rule feels ignored and dehumanized, she said. If he can't be in the same room with her, he doesn't see her as a person, just an object of temptation, unquote.

I told Maya that my wife and daughters and the women in my church do not feel that way at all. None of them feel dehumanized because I won't spend time alone with a woman who is not my wife. In fact, they would feel disrespected if I kept having meetings alone with other women.

Maya remained insistent the Billy Graham rule is dehumanizing. That's pretty dramatic. I said to say my pastor won't go out alone with me, so I feel less than human. I would advise someone to never be alone with anyone who acts like that.

The last time I remember the Billy Graham rule blowing up on social media was back in February. A woman named Christie said, quote, When the Billy Graham rule goes too far, a man refused to ride in an elevator with me.

He said he'd wait for the next one. I rode the elevator alone, humiliated, remembering my body is dangerous to men, unquote. First of all, we have no idea the reason that guy didn't want to get on an elevator with her had anything to do with the Billy Graham rule.

What if she smelled bad? What if he was passing gas and didn't want to bomb her on an elevator? What if he's still concerned about China viruses? Second, she has to be alone with a man on an elevator or she feels humiliated.

Ride the elevator with me or you're a sexist pig. OK, crazy Christie, I wouldn't get on an elevator with her either. These accusations that the Billy Graham rule is dehumanizing or it's sexist or it's legalistic or anyone who follows it lacks self-control are all gaslighting.

I won't for a second rethink its usefulness. Several years ago, there was a woman who came to my church whose husband was deployed overseas. I'll say her name was Harper. She asked to speak with me and said she had some questions about the church.

She forewarned me that some of these questions were sensitive in nature. I asked her if it was OK that my wife was present and she said that was fine. So I told her to pick a morning that was convenient and she could come to our house and speak with us.

When Harper came by, she told me and Becky how much it meant to her that my first response was to include someone else in our conversation. She had been abused at her previous church. The pastor had hit on her and tried to make a move on her.

For a long time, Harper blamed herself, thinking she had done something to lead him on. Then he did the same thing to another woman and got caught and that brought on guilt of a different kind. Now Harper realized it wasn't her fault, but what if she had said something sooner and prevented this from happening to someone else?

Do you know who appreciated that I practiced the Billy Graham rule? Harper. Do you know who else appreciates it? My wife. One of the reasons she trusts me is precisely because I put boundaries like this in place.

She's not reading the reactions of these squawkers and thinking, you know, they're right. I should let my husband go out with other women so those women can feel better about themselves. No, she does not want those women alone with her husband.

There is nothing sexist or dehumanizing about this. If the shoe is on the other foot, the reasoning is no different. Where there is a woman who wants to be alone with another woman's man, that is every bit as concerning as if a married man wants to be alone with other women.

This does not have to be a mandatory legalistic imposition. It is a good and practical idea with common sense application. To have safeguards like the Billy Graham rule is to respect one another and be considerate of all persons.

The one who opposes such safeguards raises suspicion and rightfully so. This is also wise. Closing thoughts. Yesterday, Albert Muller, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, spoke to the student body at the end of their chapel service to address the news about Lawson's unfaithfulness.

There were students who were astonished and hurt by what they had heard, and so Dr. Muller took the opportunity to comfort with the gospel and give wise counsel. I want to speak to those who are called to the ministry, those who will preach and teach the word of God, those who will shepherd the flock of God.

Look at this and be absolutely horrified, he said, referring to the matter with Lawson. And look at this, and by the grace and mercy of God, make certain there are protections and policies in your life, which means the avoidance of certain patterns in your life, that would expose you to this kind of vulnerability and this kind of temptation and this kind of sin.

Dr. Muller went on to say that early in his ministry, a man gave him this advice, quote, You will not have sex with a woman, not your wife, if you are never alone with a woman, not your wife. OK, that's simple math, unquote.

This was not just for pastors, but for every man or woman, quote, regardless of your calling as a Christian in the church and in the world. There are certain protections we must put into place, but it is particularly urgent for the one who teaches and would preach the word of God, unquote.

Eternal souls are at stake, but also the purity of the church, how much it tarnishes our witness whenever one of us falls into sin so serious and public, bringing a reproach against the gospel. After David sinned by taking another man's wife, the prophet Nathan told him, By this deed, you have given occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme.

2 Samuel 12, 14. There is forgiveness for our sins by faith in Jesus Christ, our Savior. There is power to resist temptation through his spirit who dwells within us. It is by that spirit that we must also be considerate of one another, upholding each other in whatever way is obedient and wise.

I opened with Ecclesiastes 4, 9 to 10, which says two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow, but woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up.

Verse 12 says, Though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.