The TRUE & Incredible Story of Thanksgiving

Apologia Studios

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Now, it's that time of year again, y 'all, that time of year where we stuff our turkeys, we stuff ourselves, and after we take a nap and stuff ourselves again,

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Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to watch grown men in sheer terror pray that they don't let go of that Thanksgiving Day parade float.

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Best part of Thanksgiving. Now, we gather together to praise our friends for getting with the program and finally putting up their

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Christmas decorations. Congratulations. The rest of us have had ours up since February, so now it's actually true in my house.

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In the holidays, we also endure the secularists, humanists, and liberals rewriting history as they try and make this

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Christian holiday a little less Christian. You know, the same thing they do with Christmas, Good Friday, and Resurrection Sunday, American government, and basically everything good that the

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West gave them. But they can't. They can't take Christ out of Thanksgiving, guys, because not only is he the foundation of everything we ought to be thankful for, he actually is the reason for Thanksgiving as a holiday.

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Thanksgiving, if you didn't know, is an explicitly Christian holiday. Explicitly.

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That's right. Now, contrary to the absurd and revisionist history that these ladies suggest.

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Happy Thanksgiving, America. I'm Donna, and I'm here with my friends to tell you the real history behind this holiday.

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Growing up, I knew that what they told you in school about Thanksgiving wasn't true. That's not the true story.

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The true story behind Thanksgiving was after every killing of a whole village, these European settlers celebrated it, and they called it

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Thanksgiving. But it wasn't until Abraham Lincoln became president that it became an official holiday.

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He ordered thirty -eight Dakota men to be hung for war crimes after the sacred holiday

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Christmas. We take this time to remember our elders who lost their lives due to what really happened.

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Usually my mom makes a Native American dish for us, and we pray. Growing up,

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I would be kind of annoyed that they didn't know what actually happened on Thanksgiving, and that they're actually celebrating the deaths of many people and many tribes that were lost.

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Whether it's to give thanks, or to be with your family, you should learn how the holiday was established in the first place.

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I'm thankful for being born Indigenous to this continent. I'm thankful that I still have my culture.

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I'm thankful that my elders kept our culture alive all these years. I'm thankful to be

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Indigenous, resilient, and alive. I'm thankful for us all to be able to stand together, stand strong, and stand as one.

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Happy Thanksgiving, America. That is honestly, yeah, you can moan at that.

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That's incredible beyond words. I mean, those people literally just sat at a table and made stuff up.

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Now, I mean, we can do that. In fact, we did. Take a look. In 1843, there were more cows than there were people.

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And then we stopped eating just vegetables. In 1973, Abraham Lincoln bought a lawnmower and mowed the lawn of his neighbor,

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John Wilkes Booth. John Wilkes Booth kindly paid him and thanked him. My family is

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German by blood, but kind -hearted librarians in their hearts. Josiah Johnson was originally going to write the

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United States Constitution, but he was outvoted and removed from Congress when he was determined to write it on toilet paper.

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Mount Rushmore was originally the dwelling place for rock people until the 1970s when people got into pet rocks.

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In the 1800s, a man by the name of Joseph Smith was visited by the angel Moroni. See how easy that is?

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It's easy, guys. It's too easy. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm as much of a fan of the

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United States government and the atrocities that they have committed as Hillary is a fan of Donald Trump or as Trump is a fan of complex vocabulary.

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Fifteen months ago. Did you know that? Does anyone know that? He's a citizen of Canada. So, he's a joint with the

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United States. So, he's a citizen of Canada and they said, you know, you're a

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United States senator. You're a citizen of Canada. Somebody found out. These reporters, they ultimately find out everything, whether we like them or not, right?

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Much of it's false stuff, but this happens to be true. He's a citizen of Canada and they said, you're a citizen of Canada.

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Oh, I didn't know. So, he just said the other day, they said, how could it be that you are a citizen of Canada?

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He said, he didn't know about it. Okay, so he didn't know he was a citizen of Canada and there are advantages to being a citizen of different places.

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You understand that. So, he didn't know he was a citizen of Canada. Citizen of Canada.

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Now, if we acknowledge the evil actions of the United States government against, say, the

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Hawaiian people and stealing Hawaiian, destroying the Christian Hawaiian kingdom or against many of the

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Native American tribes, does that mean we have to also abandon the real history of Thanksgiving for that deliciously coined term of our president, fake news?

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Now, people shouldn't have the right to ruin this Christian holiday. Ruin it like this kid.

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Get out. I'm not part of the family the way you act. Oh, boy. I'm not part of the family?

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No. You don't act right, you're not part of the family. Oh, boy. Oh, my.

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You threw a turkey at me? Don't blow. Oh, my.

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And you're filming? Now, I bet the family talked about the weather a lot for the rest of the day.

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Now, here's the truth. The truth is God is sovereign. He's in control of all things and history is going where he wants it to go.

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And God isn't done telling stories. Now, sure, he isn't telling them in the same way he did by giving us a divinely inspired written record like the

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Bible. However, his masterful divine storytelling is present in the true history of Thanksgiving.

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The real history of this Christian holiday starts with an amazing Christian who spent some time in Spain and in London.

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Now, by the way, this is important. He wasn't white. That's right. The reason for Thanksgiving is because of a

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Patuxet Native American named Squanto. In the 1600s, Squanto was 12 years old when he and some friends were kidnapped in Massachusetts by the

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Spanish, and they were brought across the ocean to Spain. Now, when these evil, furry -faced men sold

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Squanto, in God's providence, he was sold to some monks. And these monks fed

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Squanto. They assured him of their kindness towards him. They told him about Jesus, and they promised him that they meant him no harm.

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They knew about Squanto's plight, and they worked to get him back home. Now, after some time, the monks worked to get him north to London where he could catch a ride back to his home.

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And while in London, Squanto was taken in by a Christian family who taught him English, and they helped him to get work, to get enough money to get on a ship to go home.

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Now, after a while of being away from home, Squanto boarded a ship and sailed westward.

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When Squanto returned to his home, he discovered that the fields weren't tended, and his village was completely empty.

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He went to a neighboring tribe and was told that a sickness had swept through his tribe and killed literally everybody.

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Now, by God's grace, Squanto's life was actually preserved because of his slavery.

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Now, this is where God's masterful storytelling can be seen in vivid color, guys. Around the time of Squanto's plight of kidnapping, slavery, and redemption, there was a group of Christians we know as the

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Pilgrims. Now, there are a lot of misconceptions about the Puritans, guys, and this is, of course, how the humanists remember them.

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Fire it up, boys. Ha ha!

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See you in hell, Seymour. Goodbye, Mother. How horrible. If they're really witches, why don't they use their powers to escape?

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That sounds like witch talk to me, Lisa. Never mind. That about does it, right?

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Now, however, these Reformed Christians were not the cold, lifeless, fun

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Nazis that they are often portrayed to be. As a matter of fact, the Puritans had a passion for life, beauty, and the lordship of Jesus over all things.

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Now, did you know that they even had more beer on the Mayflower than they had water? They loved their beer, so they were basically like hipsters.

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They were. Except Puritan beer wasn't gluten -free. Now, the first major build of their colony was the local pub.

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Believe that. They had been oppressed and persecuted by their government, and they desired to go west and establish a free

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Christian civilization. Now, make no mistake about it, their plan was to extend the kingdom of God to this part of the world.

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Things started to go south on their voyage over, so they bound themselves together by a covenant document known as the

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Mayflower Compact. Now, any question about the explicitly Christian origins of our nation can be immediately refuted by reading this document.

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Now, here's what it says. In the name of God, amen. We, whose names are underwritten, the loyal subjects of our dread sovereign

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Lord King James. Dread King James? I've got to admit,

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I like to imagine they said it like this. That scene from The Princess Bride is brought to you by all

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Christian homeschoolers. Now, continuing with the

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Mayflower Compact, it says, By the grace of God, of Great Britain, France, and Ireland, King, Defender of the

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Faith, etc. Having undertaken for the glory of God and advancement of the

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Christian faith. In honor of our King and country, a voyage to plant the first colony in the northern parts of Virginia, do by these presents, solemnly and mutually in the presence of God and one another, covenant and combine ourselves together in a civil body politic.

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Now, here's the thing. They barely made it through the first winter. Barely. Now, most of their people died according to sickness and starvation, and they struggled with the new land that they had come to that they were unfamiliar with.

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And then one day, this is amazing, out of the forest walks Squanto.

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He walked up to these Christians and said in perfect English, Good morning! My name is

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Squanto! Talk about freaking people out, right?

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They probably thought they were dead already. Now, the pilgrims were shocked to hear their language coming out of the mouth of this

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Native American. Now, Squanto told the pilgrims his story, and the pilgrims shared their story with him.

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How they lost everything, and they were literally on the brink of death. Now, Governor Bradford was the governor of that first colony, and he told

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Squanto that he believed God had raised Squanto up like Joseph in the

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Bible. Joseph was sold into slavery and was used by God to preserve the lives of his people and to keep them from starving.

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Squanto loved the English Christians who had taken care of him, and he embraced the Christians in the colony and taught them how to plant corn by using the remains of fish.

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He taught them how to capture eels in the streams and how to catch lobster. Sounds like a

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New Englander, right? Lobster, right? Now, he saved their lives, literally saved their lives.

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And because of their newfound intimate and peaceful relationship and God's providence in preserving their lives through Squanto, they had, and this is the true story, their very first Thanksgiving feast.

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Now, about 90 American Indian braves showed up for the first Thanksgiving.

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They brought food, they brought deer, and at the feast, Governor Bradford prayed, and he thanked

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God publicly for all that he had done in sending Squanto to rescue them. Now, listen to this.

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Similar to the story of Joseph in the Bible, God allowed Squanto to be kidnapped and brought into slavery, and while away from his home, his entire family and tribe was wiped out because of sickness.

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God spared Squanto's life. Now, his entrance into slavery led ultimately to his freedom after being introduced to the message of Jesus.

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God brought English Christians into his life. These people loved him, cared for him, fed him, and they helped him to find his freedom.

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It was this very special relationship with these English -speaking Christians that gave Squanto such a grand affection for the

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English pilgrims that landed at his home. Now, similar to the story of Joseph, God allowed

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Squanto's slavery to lead to the preservation of many people. Now, without Squanto, these

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Christians were virtually guaranteed to die, and history tells us that Squanto loved and helped these

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Christians literally until his death. The story goes that he spent more time with the pilgrims than he did with his own people, and on his deathbed,

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Governor Bradford recorded that Squanto said to him, Now, in the book of Genesis, many years after being sold into slavery by his brothers, after spending time in jail, and after Joseph rescued

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Egypt and the surrounding area from famine, Joseph's guilty brothers came to Egypt, and they were confronted with their own guilt after what they had done to Joseph.

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He said to them, Now, leftists and cultural

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Marxists are always trying to mess up God's story, whether it's in mangling the text of Scripture or engaging in historic revision, as you've seen today.

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They embrace their hostility toward God, they revolt against God's goodness and blessings, and they end up telling substandard stories that are nowhere near as good as the real thing.

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Now, I'll stick with the true story about Thanksgiving. It's a much better story. God's just a better storyteller, guys.

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And, my friends, it's a story that makes this Christian truly want to give thanks. We'll be right back, guys.

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Stay with us. Next week with Jeff Durbin. The late night show with the unpopular opinion.