Why Can't Boss Babes Get Married?

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She needs to be independent and the boss babe, whatever, pursue her career, pursue success in the business world, get a ton of money, have the nice cars, the nice clothes, the nice hair, the nice whatever, the nice dog, whatever it is.

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She has all that, and the deal is, she's obviously miserable.

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Warning, the following message may be offensive to some audiences. These audiences may include but are not limited to professing Christians who never read their Bible, sissies, sodomites, men with man buns, those who approve of men with man buns, man bun enablers, white knights for men with man buns, homemakers who have finished

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Netflix but don't know how to meal plan, and people who refer to their pets as fur babies. Viewer discretion is advised. People are tired of hearing nothing but doom and despair on the radio.

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The message of Christianity is that salvation is found in Christ alone. Or forfeit any hope of salvation, any hope of heaven.

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The issue is that humanity is in sin, and the wrath of almighty

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God is hanging over our head. They will hear his words, they will not act upon them, and when the floods of divine judgment, when the fires of wrath come, they will be consumed and they will perish.

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God wrapped himself in flesh, condescended, and became a man, died on the cross for sin, was resurrected on the third day, has ascended to the right hand of the

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Father, where he sits now to make intercession for us. Jesus is saying there is a group of people who will hear his words, they will act upon them, and when the floods of divine judgment come in that final day, their house will stand.

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Welcome to Bible Bashed, where we aim to equip the saints for the works of ministry by answering the questions you're not allowed to ask.

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We're your hosts, Harrison Kerrig and Pastor Tim Mullett, and today we'll answer the age -old question, why can't boss babes get married?

02:11

Now, the reason we're doing this episode is because recently there was a TikTok that was going around, as these videos often do, more and more, it seems, in my opinion, of a woman who was sitting in her car, ranting about how frustrating it was for her as a 29, 30 -year -old woman with a successful career, how hard it was for her to find love, and how that was the only thing, it's like the final piece to the puzzle for her, and she just can't find it.

02:46

And so, Tim, I wanted to, before we get into the conversation around this topic,

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I thought it might be helpful to play this video for people so that they can see what exactly it is that this person's saying, and then we can use that as a sort of springboard to jump off into the topic itself.

03:06

So here's the video, and we will let, what is this lady's name?

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I guess Ryan Spencer, we'll let Ryan Spencer take it away for us. Quick question, are you fucking kidding me?

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Like, I am so sick and tired of just, everything right now.

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Everyone is so quick to say, stop doing this, stop thinking like this, stop doing, like, stop telling me

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I'm wrong. I have literally convinced myself at this point based on everything that everyone's telling me, my therapist, my family, my friends, that I'm just doing everything wrong.

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I'm healing wrong, I'm thinking wrong, I'm training wrong, I'm doing relationships wrong.

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Everything I do is fucking wrong, and I'm so sick of it. Stop comparing, it's not even about comparison.

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Like, I genuinely just want love in my life so badly, it's literally not about anyone else, it's just about me and what

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I want, and being fucked over the fact that I don't have it.

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I feel like I have done so much work on myself

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I have built a beautiful life for myself, I'm happy with my life where I'm at, my job,

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I'm successful, I'm independent, I'm healthier than I've ever been, I take such good care of myself, truly the only thing

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I'm missing in my life is someone to enjoy it with, and I'm so sick of waiting, like, when is it going to be my turn?

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What more do I have to do to fix myself before I'm just allowed to be happy, before I'm allowed to meet this universe soulmate person that God supposedly has for me?

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How much harder do I have to pray and manifest and wait? I feel like I'm being punished for something

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I didn't do, and I'm just so tired, I'm so tired. I don't want,

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I don't expect a lot, but I just want love in my life so bad,

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I want my life partner, I just, am

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I just supposed to be alone? Like, is that the message, that this beautiful life I've built for myself, like, it's just supposed to be me in it alone?

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Like, I know I have my dog and I love him so much, but like, I need love.

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All of my friends have their fiances and their boyfriends and their husbands that they prioritize, like, as far as I'm concerned,

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I've been left behind. And I really just want to find that person that matches my energy and wants to build a life with me.

06:21

Is that so hard? So, right off the cuff,

06:28

Tim, what's your response to a video like that? It's depressing.

06:35

That's depressing? That's all you've got to say? Man, that's sad. I mean, it is.

06:42

Well, yeah, it is really sad. Yep. I mean, I have 10 different comments that I don't know how to get in the right kind of order, but yeah.

06:53

Well, I mean, I think that's a good point. I think there's a lot to respond to in the video, right? There's the, I mean, there's a obvious sort of like an entitlement that comes off in a video like this where you have a lady who's saying, hey,

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I feel like I'm being punished for something I didn't do, right? Sure. So there's an assumption that you're completely in the right.

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There's nothing wrong that you've done. Yes, everyone in your life is telling you that there's something you're doing wrong, but there's no way

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I'm doing something wrong. It must be everyone else who's wrong, right? That's kind of the first thing that jumps out at me with a video like this.

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But then the obvious and the thing that's most related to the topic at hand is this whole, hey,

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I've built this whole life for myself. I have everything that I want, and yet she's still not happy, right?

07:47

Yeah, so there's a lot going on in a video like that. I mean, right off the bat, you're living in a world that basically is telling you that marriage is optional and that kids are optional and that you need to be independent.

08:03

You need to be an independent woman in order to be happy, that kind of thing. So you don't really need these things. So you're living in that kind of world, and yet you have a woman who's basically followed all the advice that she's been told to follow, and she still wants to be married.

08:17

So the reality is that people know that it's not good for a man to be alone, and you can tell them over and over and over again that marriage is just this optional choice that may be good for some people, but then it's an outdated institution and all that, and they don't believe it.

08:37

They know that there's something wrong with them. They know this is a problem. So part of this discussion involves just looking at the situation, and you're not really allowed to say that her singleness is a problem.

08:51

And so a lot of Christians will come along in this kind of situation, and basically they'll say, hey, there's a lot of ladies like that who want to be married and can't.

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And so then you look at that kind of person, you say, hey, well, we need to figure out how to minister to people like that, and the way you minister to people like that in the minds of many people is to basically say, hey, let's talk about singleness being like a positive good.

09:21

But for her, this is obviously a trial. It feels like a trial, and no amount of the feminist brainwashing is gonna help her at that point.

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She wants to have someone to fit into her life, right, that she has built for herself, and she's tried to be independent.

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She's tried to climb the ladder of success, and there's no one to share that with her. So part of it is people are just inescapably made to couple, and they know it.

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And then when they can't, then they experience that as a trial. So that's a big part of it.

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And then Christians need to come along and normalize the fact that, yes, this is a trial. Yes, this is abnormal.

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There is something wrong with this situation, right? This isn't God's plan for the world, is that you have individuals like that who, meaning like it's, everything in some sense is happening according to the counsel of God's will, but he is letting us suffer the consequences of poor choices that we are making.

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So we have mankind in rebellion against his purposes, and there's going to be consequences that come from that.

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All of that filtered through his sovereignty, a part of his plan, everything else. But people are experiencing the bitter fruit of rejecting his design in a pretty fundamental way.

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So part of it is that, part of it is she has friends who are coming along and like trying to identify the problem in her, right?

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So like there's some kind of problem in her, and she's looking at it like they're trying to identify the problem in her.

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And the hidden assumption is that there's nothing kind of wrong with her. Like in her mind, there's nothing wrong with her, period, right?

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So, I mean, you can go two different directions with this. I mean, there could be some, like you look at a person who's unwillingly single and they want to be married, and so what people are trained to do in that kind of situation is just to come along and basically say, hey, yeah, it's not your fault.

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That's what we're told we're supposed to do. It's not your fault. We're sorry. In gospel coalition land, you're not even supposed to say we're sorry.

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You're just supposed to say, hey, singleness is good too, and you can serve the Lord like that, and this is a blessing, and we need to quit making an idolatry of the nuclear family and all that.

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But then people, they come along and they see this as a problem, no matter what you brainwash them that they're allowed to do.

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They see it as a problem to be resolved, and then they try to point out areas in her life that need to be changed, and then she's looking at that and she's like, hey,

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I'm going to therapy. I'm in shape. I'm working out. I'm doing all the things that people are telling me to do.

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Like I can't fix. I don't know what to fix, right? So then what happens in those kind of scenarios is you have a person who's getting advice from a bunch of people about all this stuff they need to fix, but then none of it really, most of the time it's not really grounded in the biblical worldview.

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No one really has the right kind of answers to give to her. So she tries to resolve everything she knows how to resolve, but like meaning like she's on a mission to be like the independent woman, boss babe, career woman, right?

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And she's trying to maximize efficiency in that and work on all of everything she can do to be healthy and psychologically well in her mind as she's embarked upon this mission that is flawed from the start.

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And then people are coming along and trying to help fix her, but then they're trying to help fix her by like getting her more psychologically adjusted on this bad mission, right?

12:52

Right, yeah. So then she sees that as like, it's like, hey, what is wrong with me?

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I'm doing all the things that the world is telling me to do and this isn't working, right? So the problem can't be me.

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Like I just want something normal. And then like everything that comes out of her mouth is normal is like all very self -focused.

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I've built a wonderful life for myself and I just want this person that is in my mind who is going to step in and be like the ultimate source of fulfillment to me.

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So I want love. She keeps on saying, I want love. So what she means by that, is she wants someone to step into this life she's built for herself and provide the missing ingredient of caring for her, right?

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So you have a very self -focused kind of thing. So you have those kinds of things and then you have the obvious like boss babe kind of paradigm that she's pursuing.

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And then you have societal structures that are working this too. So basically you look at all that and you say, hey, what does the

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Bible say about all these things? And then what is the nature of her problem? Is this a problem?

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Like in terms of singleness, is it a problem? Yes. And then what's keeping her from getting married?

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Is it just God's sovereignty? Like you just didn't plan it for her kind of thing or is there something about what she's doing that's flawed?

14:16

And so - She just didn't manifest it hard enough, I guess. Yeah, so you have the charismatic language in there too.

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I mean, she's probably going to some charismatic mega church that is basically telling her the prosperity church, you need to manifest this, you need to pray it.

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And so she's coming up against this bankrupt prosperity, charismatic prosperity theology and doesn't know how to will her love for life into existence in the right way.

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So she's speaking it into being with her words of faith and that's coming up empty. So she doesn't even have good theology to understand what she's going through either, for sure.

14:56

Yeah, and so obviously, I mean, you can go online and find a video of someone saying just about anything.

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I mean, there's enough people with the capability to make a video that you can find pretty much anything you want.

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And so it's one thing to have a video like this where you have the lady, she's in the obviously nice car.

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It looks like she's wearing nice clothes. It kind of looks like maybe they were like workout clothes or something, but they look like they're not cheap clothing.

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And then you have her talking about the life that she's built for herself. So everything here is pointing to she's successful financially, at least.

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When it comes to material possessions, she's been very successful. And so you have this like, yeah, that's why we keep saying the boss, the lady who has pursued her career over everything else and has seen success in it, but she doesn't have that man who's willing to come alongside her and join her.

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And like you said, be that final ingredient, provide the love and affection that her dog can't provide.

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And she recognizes her dog can't provide the kind of love and affection that she's looking for, which there's, that's at least good, but -

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I mean, it's good in the sense that it's good until you point it out to her, in which case she'll fight you tooth and nail to the death.

16:37

Probably, probably. But I say all that to say, it'd be one thing if this was just one isolated video, but in my experience, it seems like more and more that I see these videos of different ladies coming along and saying, hey, look,

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I went to college, I got the degree, I got the job, I fought tooth and nail to be as successful as possible.

17:00

Yeah, I saw one, I'm 40 years old, I can cook, I can make good food,

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I have a nice house, I have all this stuff, what's wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone wanna be with me?

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I've seen those over and over again. Yeah, yeah, and so it just, it feels like it's becoming more and more prevalent, especially this year.

17:23

I feel like I've seen a lot more than normal. And you'll have a lot of Christians that are in our circles that are like, hey, look, we see the obvious problem here, but then you have a lot of other people that don't necessarily run in the same circles as you and I do.

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And like for example, the tweet that I saw, I originally saw this video on, wanted to place the blame on, for, so the reason she is single is because of men, that's how they explained it.

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So the tweet was, the tweet was from a lady named

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Alex Clark, and she said, over half of men, 18 to 29, have willingly opted out of the dating pool entirely.

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No marriage, dating, hooking up, they're just out. It's fascinating to me, the amount of blame placed on single women who literally say they want to be married and yet no accountability to men.

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And so I, personally, I can understand that point to a certain degree, because it does seem like men have increasingly, because of all the different ideologies being pushed out and probably a lot of other factors that I won't get into right now, that men have started more and more just opting out of pursuing marriage in general, not just Christians, but just all men.

18:59

But then to have your, basically to have your response be, no, it's the men's fault, it's not the women's fault,

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I feel like you've just got to be totally blind to the situation at hand right now, because, well,

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I'll just ask you this, what is the reason that we're seeing more and more of these videos where the women are saying, hey,

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I want to be married, I want love, I want to have the man in my life, I'm successful, I have all this stuff,

19:30

I need a, but I need a husband. Why can't they find a husband? I mean, both are true.

19:37

I would, I mean, I certainly think that there are problems on both ends and I wouldn't want to reduce the problem to just, there is a, there obviously is a concept of the independent woman boss babe kind of thing that's repelling to most men.

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That's there, it's a real thing, but I mean, at the same time, there's significant problems on the other end too.

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So I don't, the issue is you're not really allowed to say the first thing, you're not really allowed to challenge the basic assumption that this is all the man's fault.

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You're not allowed to point out any of the problems on the ladies' ends of things that are filtering into this kind of situation, but I'm certainly.

20:25

Well, that would be misogyny. That would be misogyny. So there's any number of people who basically, yeah, you can point out, you can criticize all the male ways of feeding into this problem all day long and get atta boys and slap them back and all that, but then you can't really talk about the other side without being like a woman hater, misogynist and all that.

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So, I mean, I think there are just demonstrable problems on both sides and in a lot of, I mean, it's basically just a symptom because we would refuse to honor

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God in our thoughts. We became futile in our thinking and our foolish hearts are darkened, profess and become wise.

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We became fools. So I mean, God's kind of given the society over to judgment. We are denying him.

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Like we're getting more and more secular. We're taking the Christian worldview that was the heritage that the nation was built upon and we're throwing it down the trash.

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And so the end result of all that is just, it's secularism, it's materialism, it's paganism.

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It's like, it's all that. We're in trouble, man. We need, we obviously, like this is like a spiritual problem.

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We need repentance. We need to turn back to the Lord in mass. And so you're just living in a very secular time and we're experiencing all the problems that come from just not being able to answer basic worldview kind of questions.

21:40

So, I mean, like just to give a hat tip to what they're saying there, I mean, I think I saw some statistics around this.

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I can't remember what they were exactly, but a significant portion of young men, like these young men who have checked out basically, like they would rather basically play video games all day long than have casual sex anymore.

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You know, so a lot of what's happening is like, yeah, you do have a lot of very worthless men out there who are young men who are very worthless, who are feminized, who don't have father figures in their life.

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They don't really have courage. You know, so like we used to have a category for cowardice as being a moral failing and we've lost that idea anymore.

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So men are cowards at this point and you're not really allowed to, like they're too cowardly to actually talk to a woman.

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They're too cowardly to look at a woman in the eye. You have most, I mean, it's just a foregone conclusion that most men today are looking at porn and addicted to porn.

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And so you have a bunch of porn addicted men who are weighed down by guilt, shame, and condemnation, who are giving themselves over to worthlessness, who basically spend all their time playing video games.

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They have no ambition in their life. So they don't have any long -term goals or plans.

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I mean, I just, I know plenty of people just like this, who basically just, they've made a mess of their life.

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They didn't apply themselves. They didn't do it, they're not pursuing academics with any zeal.

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They're not pursuing excellence in any area of their life. They're secretly all looking at porn and masturbating.

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And so then the issue is then like, they would rather spend all day long playing video games than pursue a woman.

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They're too afraid of rejection to the point where they would even ask a woman on the date.

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You know, so most of them are trying to like friend a woman as their basic strategy for even how to approach a woman is to, you know, try to be their friend and they're sending friend signals and they get put on the friend ladder and they don't really know.

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They're trying to be their best buddy, you know? And so never to get off of that. And so, you know, all those things are true.

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And then you look, you're a woman in the world. Like, here's the thing, you're women inherently are made to, this is kind of an inescapable concept.

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Women are looking for men who, like a man to look up to and to admire.

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And so they're looking for someone who is more successful than them. That's what they want, right? And so they're kind of hardwired to do that.

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And so what you have is you have a lot of women who are being sold the feminist lie, like, hey, you know, apply yourself, get ahead in the world, devote all your energies into being the boss babe, career oriented person.

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And I would say by and large, they're pursuing that with much greater zeal than the men are. And so then, you know, this is a big problem.

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This is a big problem. They're pursuing those things a lot more than the men are. So the men are just, they don't have a plan.

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They don't have a life goal. And so you have a woman who is making a lot of money, who's successful, and a lot of that is, yeah, they're diversity hires.

24:58

And, you know, you have companies that will discriminate against these other guys and the guys that give it up, right?

25:03

Because they're wimps. So the guys just roll over and give up and say, hey, the world's against me. I'm the problem in every encounter.

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I give up, wimp. I'm gonna go play my video games and just escape, right? Because I don't have courage. But the problem is that these women are much more successful than the men and they've gotten further ahead in the world.

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And they're looking around and saying, hey, where are all the guys, right? Well, the only options they have are the guys who didn't apply themself, you know?

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Because all the guys who applied themselves in life and made something of themselves, you know, for the most part, they've gotten that taken care of, you get what

25:38

I'm saying, in a lot of ways, with a lot more frequency than a lot of the other guys. So, I mean, that is part of what's happening is they're looking around, they're saying, hey, like most men don't really want to date a woman who is making twice the income that they're making, right?

25:55

And most women don't wanna date those guys either, you know? So part of it's all that. So yeah,

26:01

I would say that there is a significant problem on the other side, but then the problem on the female side, and this is the side that you're not allowed to talk about and that you get busted, it's like, yeah, you're not really a desirable woman, you know?

26:14

So what you've done is you've made yourself into a successful man and you're looking around and say, hey, why don't men want me?

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It's like, well, because there's nothing about you that says you want to be a submissive wife.

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Like you've kind of rejected all that, you know? You've rejected all the idea that you exist for children, like you exist in order to make babies, right?

26:36

And to be a helpmate to a wife, you know? So you've embraced this whole, like I'm independent, like I don't need anyone,

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I'm career first, that's what I'm after, you know? So like the guys who are serious about marriage and serious about family, they're not gonna be looking to one of those women who they know deep down they're never gonna be able to convince them to be domestic and do all the things the

27:01

Bible says, you know? So Titus 2, the older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine, they're to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self -controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

27:17

If, you know, a godly guy should be looking for that kind of woman, and you're not that kind of woman. You're just basically -

27:25

Right, in fact, you're the kind of woman who would be willing to get an abortion in order to further your career.

27:31

You would kill your own children, probably. Right, so like you basically have like, you know, you have all that, and then you have all the promiscuity that's happening to where, you know, you have this like, you must accept me for who

27:45

I am, and because I'm fine, you know, quit telling me there's something wrong with me, there's nothing wrong with me,

27:51

I'm fine. I am good the way that I am, but then it's like, well, no one wants what you are.

27:57

You know, like guys don't really want what you are. You know, you may not be a hideous person to look at or whatever, but then you're internally, you're a mess, you know?

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You basically pursued everything contrary to what God wants for you, you know? Like, so you're just independent, take charge, you know, bossy kind of woman, like everyone looks at that and says, yeah, that's not really the submissive wife kind of picture that the

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Bible talks about, so I don't really want that. And like, even like pagans, they, you know, this isn't just like, hey,

28:31

I'm a Christian, I want like these things. I mean, guys want a woman who's gonna wanna follow them.

28:39

Like most normal, like the kind of women, the guys that they're gonna be attracted to, like they're gonna be leader guys who are taking initiative, who have a plan and everything else, and, but the problem is you guys are just kind of butt heads the whole time because you have your own life plan that you're trying to pencil him into, and he's like, hey,

28:57

I have my, I know where I'm going, you know, but you don't wanna go where I'm gonna go. So you basically have ladies who have made themselves detestable to men, and reasonably so, and then on the other side, you have a bunch of men who have made themselves detestable to women.

29:14

So I mean, there's, it's both sides, man, you know? So I mean, I can't imagine what it'd be like to be a woman trying to find a man in an atmosphere where you know that 98 % of the men, 99 % of the men are looking at porn on a weekly basis kind of thing, you know?

29:32

I couldn't imagine what it'd be like on the other end though, to where you're the guy who knows that every single one of these ladies out there are just like promiscuous and, you know, career -driven, like how are you gonna find a woman who really wants to be what the

29:53

Bible says that they're supposed to be, you know? You're not just having a power struggle kind of thing that's day and night and all that.

30:01

So yeah, I guess my sympathies go both directions. But you know, I think people can overstate it in our circles to where they act, and this is something that's pretty concerning where they act as if, like the men go in their own way crowd.

30:15

They act as if that's just, they're doing this cost -benefit analysis and realizing that the government's, you know, contrary to them and society is contrary to them and that women aren't catches anymore and all this stuff.

30:28

And so then it's perfectly reasonable for them just to check out. It's like, hey, yeah, I get the struggle, but whatever that is, that's not manliness.

30:42

Like the Bible says, be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth and subdue it, that's the command. So like a real man is just gonna say, hey,

30:49

I'm gonna obey God. And even if it costs me something, I'm gonna obey God.

30:54

Even if I put myself in a situation where I get defrauded, I'm gonna obey God, you know?

30:59

So I mean, I don't really know what people think the answer to all this is, you know, when you have the situation being what it is, you can look at the situation and it's just like,

31:10

I mean, I watched the Pearl thing where she's debating with Trent Horne or whatever.

31:16

Man, she's horrible at debating, but that was embarrassing. But she -

31:21

I haven't seen that. I'll have to watch it. Yeah, I mean, she's talking about like the promiscuity level of females and all that, and men are like,

31:30

Trent's just expecting these men to wife up these whores is the way she put it, right? Like all the women are whores, they expect to wife them up or whatever.

31:39

It's like, but Pearl, what are you? Do you want the end of civilization?

31:45

You know, it's like, what is the alternative here? You know, like what is the alternative if 98 % of people, like if 98, 99 % of people aren't gonna be virgins in the marriage anymore?

31:57

It's like, yeah, this is contrary to God's plan. Yeah, there's problems that come from it, but I mean, do you want the end of civilization? Do you want civilization as we know it just to implode because everyone just totally gives up?

32:07

You know, so this may be understandable, but it's not godly and it's not, there is something to just saying, hey, we're going to obey

32:17

God. And I don't think that these kinds of problems are problems you're gonna dig yourself out of in one generation, for sure.

32:24

I mean, it's gonna take a few generations of turning back to God and repentance to dig yourself out of it.

32:30

So, and everyone's gonna suffer along the way, you know, but that doesn't mean, I mean, there's gonna be entailments to it all, but what do you think?

32:36

Like the plan is just everyone like, oh, hey, it's gonna be hard. We're all in a mess.

32:42

It's harder than what you think. So everyone just gives up. I don't think that's the right answer. Yeah. Yeah, and so something

32:49

I was gonna ask you is, let's say theoretically you had someone, you had a guy come up to you and he's like, hey,

32:57

I met this girl that I'm thinking about dating, courting, you know, thinking about getting married, whatever, getting engaged.

33:09

They tell you that and they ask you, hey, what do you think? And you find out that it's a lady exactly like the one that we just watched in the video.

33:22

Maybe she's got some better theology though. Maybe she's not into the whole, you know,

33:28

I'm manifesting my blessing. Maybe she's not doing that, but everything else is the same.

33:37

What would your counsel be to the guy? Just say that again, repeat that.

33:43

So basically, you've got a scenario where a guy comes up to you and he says, hey, I'm thinking about getting married to this girl.

33:50

You know, what do you think? And you find out it's a girl who's almost the exact same to the one in the video we just watched.

33:59

Maybe she has some better theology, but everything else is the same. She's only pursued the career.

34:05

She's never prioritized or shown any desire in prioritizing the homemaking, the submitting to her husband, nothing like that.

34:19

And she's probably like outwardly opposed to the idea of marriage being the husband's the head and the wife is, you know, the helpmate to the husband.

34:33

What would your counsel be to that guy? Would you say, hey, go for it? Or would you say, hey, I don't know about this. Would you say run as fast as you can?

34:40

What would you say? It's hard because I mean, the state of affairs is so bad at this point that,

34:49

I mean, there's simple like math problems that are involved in both ways, if that makes sense.

34:54

So the Bible talks - What do you mean? Well, I mean, there are like, if you look at the current state of affairs and you look at the number of ratios of like great picks or whatever, like they're just not really there, you know?

35:13

Yeah, basically you're saying like you've got to make do with what you've got. I mean, there is like an element of this discussion where people have to be reasonable about what, you know, you can trust the

35:26

Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding and all your ways to acknowledge Him and He'll direct your path.

35:32

But I mean, the thing is like if 99 % of men out there are looking at porn on a regular basis and if 99 % of ladies out there are not virgins, whatever, then you're dealing with like a 1 % problem.

35:47

And so then at a certain point, like you just have to accept the world that it is. So I do think there's a kind of guy who's looking for perfection immediately, who doesn't realize that God has commanded him to be a leader and you have a lot of leaderless ladies out there who have fallen prey to the deceptions of the enemy and they're made to follow and they've never had anyone to follow.

36:17

They don't have a dad to follow who's very good, right? So, you know, those ladies may be unrecognizable in 10 years, you know, after you get married.

36:28

You see what I'm saying? And they have been, you give them good leadership, the kind of thing that they're designed for, right?

36:36

So you're meant to wash your wife with the water of the word. So I think there's a certain element to all of this to where marriage is supposed to be a guy being a leader who sees where a woman is and sees what she could be by God's grace, right?

36:55

So a lot of people are telling, like you have a lot of people basically, I mean, there's a realistic side of this to say, hey, you know, if you take on a project or whatever, there's no guarantee that this project will ever be completed, right?

37:11

Like if the spirit of God is not at work in them, your heart of stone is a heart of stone. You're just accepting like a banger heading against the wall project, right?

37:21

You know, but there is part of, I mean, there is part of this to say that, hey, yeah, there's been plenty of ladies like that who after they've been given good leadership, they turn out very different, you know, than what they are, you know?

37:34

And now everything I'm saying right now is just utterly offensive to most people because I'm daring to suggest that women could possibly need men for anything.

37:45

You know, so I mean, there's that, you know, and that's okay. Feel free to, you know, light your beard on fire and get mad about that,

37:53

I don't care. But yeah, no, I do think a man is supposed to be a leader in their life.

37:58

And so I think you're looking for direction, not perfection. And like there's, like you wanna see evidence that the spirit of God is at work in them and everything else.

38:09

So, I mean, I think a lot of those things could be ironed out before the wedding date. To, you know, like during whatever kind of courting process, whatever dating process, whatever language you wanna use to call it.

38:25

Like there's a lot of things that could be ironed out in that way.

38:31

And so, yeah, I mean, I think if, yeah, in an ideal world, you would have like ladies who are being trained from a young age to desire marriage and they've been preparing their whole life for that.

38:41

But the situation is most of them aren't and most of them are on this path and you have to have some guys who come along and basically say, hey,

38:50

I have to show a different way, you know? And it may not be like an effortless, easy, like conflict -free path, you know, to faithfulness there.

38:59

You know, like if there was just so many, like, I mean, in some sense, it's like a problem that's oldest time.

39:05

So an excellent wife who can find one, it's like, yeah, well, amen, you know, it's hard. But that doesn't equate to a promise that every man's gonna get that, you know?

39:14

So there might be plenty of men who just say, hey, yeah, the deck's stacked against me, society's stacked up against me, but God says be fruitful in multiple ways.

39:22

God says it's not good for me to be alone. I'm just gonna take a hit, you know?

39:29

And I'm gonna be faithful and it's, I'm not, you know, maybe it like, maybe me being faithful means that I don't have as easy of a, you know, experience of marriage for the first 10 years of my marriage than I want for my kids, you know?

39:44

But I'm gonna, you know, I'm thinking long -term. I'm thinking beyond myself. I'm thinking to the future. I'm thinking, you know,

39:50

I'm thinking, hey, I wanna prepare my grandchildren to have different problems than what we're gonna have in this age, you know?

39:58

That kind of thing. You know, so you don't have a lot of people who are thinking along those lines. But I would say, yeah, sure, like a lady like that,

40:07

I can look at that and say, hey, yeah, like I, she doesn't seem like, she wouldn't be my first choice for my kids, you know?

40:15

So. Right. Yeah, so I would want something better for them and I hope something better for them.

40:22

But, you know, they may have the same struggles that everyone has in God's sovereign and all that.

40:28

So, you know, I think you do have to sometimes be realistic about what the world is.

40:35

And if you, I mean, you can, you know, as time goes on, it just gets harder and harder and harder. And I mean, you know, a lot of this is just looking at what your age is and what your connections are and what's available and what's out there.

40:48

Right. You know, and the older and older you get, like at a certain point, you, what's funny is like you have a lot of women like this who they're just like so picky, not thinking about marriage, whatever.

41:01

And then they get to be like, they start, like they're getting into their 30s and their biological clock is ticking.

41:07

And at a certain point they're like, you know, they've been selfish and they've been picky and they've been, you know, pursuing their path and pursuing independence.

41:15

And all of a sudden their eggs are running out and then they start getting desperate, you know? And then they're looking around and like, oh, everyone's all married but them.

41:21

It's like, yeah, well, you made a mess of things, didn't you? Right. And that's what's so sad too.

41:29

Like whenever you're watching these videos, I mean, yes, there's something to be learned from them in the sense of like, hey, why, you know, why exactly is this person unable to find a husband?

41:41

You know, why is it? And ultimately you think of like everything that she's bought into that's a lie.

41:51

And then the result of that lie that she's bought into that she needs to be, you know, independent and, you know, the boss babe, whatever, pursue her career, pursue success in the business world, get a ton of money, have the nice cars, the nice clothes, the nice hair, the nice whatever, the nice dog, whatever it is.

42:15

She has all that. And the deal is like, she's obviously miserable.

42:22

At least when it comes to, I mean, maybe she's not miserable every single waking moment of the day, but whenever she thinks about this, she looks miserable.

42:31

She's about to start crying. Everything that she's pursued has not made her happy. Now, ultimately, you know, if you pursue like, hey,

42:38

I wanna find a husband or I wanna find a wife and you pursue that as your ultimate, this will fulfill me, that's gonna leave you unsatisfied as well.

42:50

You know, obviously the only thing that's going to completely satisfy anyone is to pursue

42:55

Christ and pursue repentance and pursue faithfulness to all that he's commanded.

43:02

And that is ultimately what provides true lasting satisfaction for us.

43:08

But then just to see someone who has pursued all of this, all the things that the world thinks of as this will make you happy and she's not happy, you know, and I think that's the saddest thing about the video.

43:22

I think, yeah, you can make a lot of assumptions about her from a distance. And I mean, some of those things are just based on her words, you know, the things she's actually saying.

43:30

And, you know, so I mean, who knows, maybe she's desired to be married her whole life and would have given up on the career at any moment.

43:37

And that's her, you know, just been doing the next thing, waiting for a guy to come along and they're all addicted to video games or whatever.

43:44

And maybe that could be possible, you know, but I mean, she sounds like the world.

43:50

She sounds like she's saying the things of the world. So, I mean, it's, you know, she's followed the path that so many seem to be following where she's telling you, you know,

44:01

I'm been independent, you know, I just need love, you know, it's all very,

44:06

I need, I need, I need, no one's doing this, you know. For me, I'm trying to make myself a good person.

44:13

And it seems like the way she's trying to make herself a good person that she's communicating don't have anything to do with godliness or character or anything like that.

44:22

It's just, you know, a lot of what you get when you go to therapy and do all this stuff is just like this affirmation project where you're trying to affirm yourself and learn to be okay and learn to manage your emotions, right?

44:34

And be more stable and all that. But then like the issue with all that is it's like, yeah, you're living in God's world.

44:40

He says, it's not good for a man to be alone. And, you know, you can, you know, who knows what all the steps were to lead her to where she's at at that point.

44:52

But yeah, I mean, I think there's a lot of guys who aren't really looking for that in a woman.

44:58

They're not looking for the boss babe, independent woman, you know, who seems to be an emotional basket case and mess and all that.

45:06

Right. You know, so yeah, no, it is certainly, it's a sad situation. And, you know, there's, it's a mess on both sides.

45:14

And it's very, it is,

45:20

I think you can be realistic about the nature of the mess that you're in. And whatever you do, I don't think you wanna encourage people just to give up.

45:27

So what they need to say, they have courage and they need to keep trying, you know. And I know plenty of people who are in those kinds of scenarios who just, they have these ridiculous standards and they refuse to, you know, allow anyone to help them in the process, introduce them to anyone.

45:44

And they're completely passive about it. Refuse to put themselves in the right situations where they can meet someone.

45:51

And it's just, yeah, it is what it is, you know. Right. Okay, well,

45:56

I think that's a good place for us to wrap up the episode on. So thank you, Tim, for answering all my questions.

46:02

And hopefully this has been a helpful conversation for everyone out there listening.

46:10

This is just such a, yeah, like you said towards the beginning of the episode, there's just so much that goes into a conversation like this.

46:17

It's hard to even really feel like you touched on everything as much as it needs to be touched on, because there's so many, we're just so far down the road when it comes to sin as a society and when it comes to pursuing these kinds of relationships and marriage and whatnot.

46:39

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46:50

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47:02

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47:15

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47:22

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47:31

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47:43

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47:52

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