Calvinist Derangement Syndrome

Do you have an almost allergic reaction anytime you hear the words sovereign grace?

When someone quotes A .W. Pink, do you have an urge to commit verbal assault? Have you convinced yourself that the men who wrote the

Westminster Confession were secretly a band of Manichaean Gnostics? If so, you might be suffering from CDS, Calvinist Derangement Syndrome.

Hi, I'm Keith with Reformation Medical, and we have a new pill which might be perfect for you.

Calvinol. Calvinol is a once -a -day prescription medication which will allow you to actually tolerate someone with a different theological perspective without feeling the need to write a theological treatise in a

YouTube comment box or make a 14 -hour response video to a single offhanded comment.

Calvinol will allow you to get over yourself, relax, and stop being insufferable, at least for a few hours.

Side effects may include a desire for verse -by -verse expositional preaching, faster beard growth, and an intolerance for Leighton Flowers' voice and face.

So if you've ever had the irrepressible urge to go angrily stomping through a field of tulips, get your prescription of Calvinol today.

Calvinol. Brought to you by the makers of Nick Cage Stage Chewable Chill Pills. If you're a new

Calvinist and acting a little cagey, get yourself some Nick Cage Stage Chewables. And learn to chill out.