Denominations Make 1980s Dating Videos


In the ongoing saga of the Denominational Meetings, we take a Time Machine back to the 1980s to film Dating Videos.


Some people call me a pragmatist, but that's just because I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get you through the door, except dance.
If you need references, I have a letter of recommendation from the Chairman of the Deacons. So if you like programs, fried chicken, and 5th
Sunday sings, I may be the one for you. Do you love babies, church polity, and superior theology?
Then we should definitely get together. We can spend our evenings drinking a glass of wine, singing the
Psalms, and reading from the Westminster Larger Catechism. Why the Larger Catechism?
Because I don't mess around. If you're not serious about Jesus, well I'm not going to be serious about you.
Do you hate creeds, love acapella music, and have very strong opinions about baptism?
Well I may be the one for you. If you want to call me, my number is AX238. I'm something of a wild man myself, but I do have an emotional side.
I've been known to cry and to shout. I'm looking for somebody who's willing to get crazy with me about God.
If you have the gift of tongues, I have the gift of interpretation. But if you're a cessationist, feel free to cease from calling me.
I don't need that negativity in my life. But if you consider yourself a free spirit who likes to get slain in the
Spirit, then give me a call. Do you like having your
Sundays free? Then you're going to love me. Guten Tag!
Germany has given the world a lot of things. Amazing sports cars, great beer, and me.
Do you like condescension? Then we're going to get along just fine. We can spend our evenings laughing about how the
Presbyterians think we like them, and the Baptists know we don't. Are you a career -minded woman?
Well you better knock that nonsense off right now. Someone once asked me my idea of a perfect date, and I told them 1611.
But seriously, it's important for me that you know that I don't listen to rock and roll. I don't watch secular movies.
I don't smoke. I don't drink. I'll never have long hair or any tattoos, but I will relentlessly judge anyone who does.
So if you're looking for someone who knows what he hates, give me a call. All you've got to do is look for a
Chick tract. If you find one, my number will be on the back. I'm attracted to all kinds of women, even if I can't define what a woman is.
And you can be whatever you want to be if you want to be with me. We can spend our evenings listening to my favorite
Christian pop artist, Taylor Swift. Do you like Reformed theology, but you don't want to baptize your babies?
Are you especially fond of potlucks and going to the gun range, and not being embarrassed to be seen in the
Spirit Isle at Walmart? Then I might be the guy for you. A date with me is a big deal.
You can ask all 5 ,000 of my closest friends, and they'll tell you that I'm high energy from start to finish.
And while I may not get to know you that well personally, at least you'll get to meet a lot of new people as we go to a different home group meeting every night.
Just remember, if you love Jesus, you're going to give me a call. If you're interested in living really off -grid, send me a letter.
Hey girl, do you like Reformed theology, but don't want to baptize your babies? Are you especially fond of potlucks, going to the gun range, and not being embarrassed to be seen in the