Most logical system, I listen to lectures, I listen to debates, I listen to men like, and I didn't know who was who, I was just Googling stuff, I listen to men like Ravi, like Frank Perrick, I listen to men like James, James was in the very beginning, James White, who would just take questions from the audience, and be ready for, with a reason to fence for absolutely anything, and my very beginning based system for understanding who was telling the truth, was who's dodging the question, and it was overwhelming, as I encountered, all these different speakers, and all these different debaters, it was overwhelming, no matter who you look for, there's one with a reason to fence, and there's always one who's dodging the question, and that kind of, you probably said keep it brief, but I'm still going, but it was somewhat of a, it was quickly a trend that I started judging human nature, and started judging against myself, and what I was doing, and breaking it down into the most logical system, and what had to be for the Christian God to be real, and I asked myself things, like I worried about things, like there are so many religions in the world, what are the odds that I grew up near, or in the one that is true, and later on, it broke down into which theology, you know, which subsection of theology is true, but we'll leave that alone, but I thought, if I grew up a Muslim, I would obviously have a preconceived notion that that is true, and if I grew up a Buddhist, I would have a preconceived notion that that is true, so I really wanted to know, to kind of break myself out of the culture, and the mindset that I grew up in, and come in with the facts, so that I would be purely convinced, or unconvinced of any of it, because it seemed like more people believed in absolutely nothing, than believing in something, and I pretty quickly came to the conclusion that once I started looking into the things that they were arguing about, even though I'm not an expert, it's relatively provable, all the way up to, I think my conclusion ended in the life of Christ, as it should, and Lee Strobel, I don't know if you guys have have listened to some of his stuff, he's been around forever, golly, yeah, and his case for Christ, and he was thinking the same thing, as I started listening to him, he was thinking the same thing that I was thinking, that either Christ existed, or he didn't, either he died, or he did, either he rose again, or he didn't, and if any of those things fail the test, then we've got to start looking elsewhere, and I started with that, and moved from there, and I can disprove absolutely none of it, so I am a very logical person, I like to put the numbers in the machine, and whatever data it spits out, is where I'm at, but that's not, that is not the end of it, because I have tried, and tried, and tried my entire life, and one day something changed, because one day I was open to it, I called up, I called up my some family, and said, hey man, you want to talk about some stuff, and because I got some questions, and he said, cool, is it cool if so -and -so comes over, and I went and sat down, and talked, and had some questions, see what they thought, and they said then, it's, I think docile was the word they used, but no longer is, no longer is angry, and I sat down, and asked questions, and I was still not fully convinced, or wouldn't make a commitment, I guess, as it were, they, they prayed for me, and I drove my five minutes home, and stopped in my driveway, and I was just thinking back over the weeks, or the months, that I've been warring with this, and I just, I have had, I had had almost verbal conversations with myself, talking to, like, like, I can't do this anymore, I've got to go, man, I'm exhausted, you're killing me, it was, it was horrible, I was so over it, and at that point, I had, I think at that point, God had done something, is what I mean by that, but I was so over it, and I just went, you know what, there are a lot of things I don't know, things I can't prove, but I know this universe didn't create itself, and all the evidence around me points me in one direction, and I stopped in my driveway, and prayed before I came in the house, and just let it all out, so I have no control, I've broken everything, I broke, I ruined my whole life, I was killing myself, and, and ruining my family, and I just begged, I bawled and begged, and went straight in the house, and woke up my wife, begged for forgiveness, and the real struggle started right there.
