TLP 57: The Four Children, Part 3 | Parenting a Rocky-Hearted Child

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The best example of a rocky heart in scripture is Judas. He believed in what

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Jesus was doing enough to forsake his family and job and the comforts of his life, and yet he was lost.

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Welcome to Truth. Love. Parents. Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents.

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Here's your host, A .M. Brewster. Welcome back to our study of the four children. Last time we discussed the hard -hearted child, and today we're going to tackle the next in line, the rocky -hearted child, but more on that in a minute.

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Lord willing, on episode 65, we're going to start a three -part episode with mom and author Natasha Crane.

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We'll be discussing her ministry, the best devotionals for your kids, her books, and taking a full episode to answer your parenting questions.

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Please feel free to send us whatever questions you may have to teamTLP at truthloveparent .com.

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And if you haven't subscribed yet, I heartily encourage you to do that. I recently subscribed to a new podcast and was happy I did.

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When the next episode came out, I immediately knew it could help me in my ministry. You rarely know what we're going to cover from day to day, so subscribe and be surprised.

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Okay, so let's figure out who the rocky -hearted child is, if you have one in your house, and how you can cultivate the soil of their heart to receive the truth of God.

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So who is the rocky -hearted child? Well, let's start with the biblical account that I have synchronized from the books of Matthew and Mark.

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Other seeds fell on rocky ground, or sometimes called the rock, where they did not have much soil.

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And immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil. But when the sun rose, they were scorched.

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And since they had no root, they withered away, because they had no moisture. As for what was sown on the rock, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy.

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Yet he has no root in himself. He believes and endures for a while. And in time of testing, when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away.

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In Wisconsin, we have a ton of rocks. You can't look at the landscape, you can't put a shovel into the ground without bringing up three to four tennis ball -sized rocks.

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It's ridiculous. But that's not the kind of soil being discussed here. Agriculturally speaking, this soil isn't littered with pebbles and stones and even boulders.

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In fact, it may appear to have no rocks in it at all. But below the surface of the soil is a rock shelf.

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Imagine one gigantic flat rock, inches below the surface of the dirt. The farmer likely wouldn't even know it's there, because the rock is just deep enough to be missed by most farming implements.

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However, the rock is not so deep that the plants have room to lay down sufficient roots. But because the soil is just as nice as the rest of the farmland, and nothing like the hard soil of the footpath, the seeds land and sink in.

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So when a plant can't grow down, it expends more energy growing up. Interestingly enough, this type of soil may appear to be more fertile than others because when compared to the rest of the field, these plants grow up much faster than the rest.

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But it's hard to tell why. Did it grow well because that patch of land had the right mix of sun and water and nutrients, or did the plant sprout so fast because it was shallow?

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Well, the average farmer may not know until the dry weather sets in. A shallow root system may be able to thrive when the soil is nice and wet, but those few inches of soil can dry out very quickly under the hot

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Middle Eastern sun, and those roots may as well be lying out bare on the hard soil of the footpath. Drought season reveals the rocky soil as all the green withers and dies.

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So if you're like me, you're wondering, how can that happen? How can my child seem so interested in God and yet still not be saved?

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How could the seed set in and grow some roots and spring up and the child still not be saved?

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That's what we must understand or we'll never be able to parent the rocky hearted child correctly. This child may live in our homes until they're 18 and we may never know.

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It may not be until they graduate from high school that they reject the Lord. It may not be until they've graduated with their master's degree and started teaching at a

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Christian school that they walk away from everything they've ever professed. It may not be until they've started working at church and married a nice girl and had children that they one day say they're no longer a

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Christian and leave their family to cohabitate with a homosexual partner. My friends,

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I know people, people who are dear to me, people who I went to school with, people who

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I'm related to, who have done the three things I just spoke of. They were rocky hearted children and adults and no one knew.

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In fact, in all three cases, most of the people who knew them believed they were genuinely born again. Here's how it works.

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Imagine an inner city child who's never known anything other than the cement, steel, and glass of the city being introduced to a book that gloriously displays and proclaims the amazingness of nature.

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He learns that you can grow your own food, live off the land, and enjoy the incomparable health benefits. Then he goes on his first field trip to the country.

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He sees the animals, feels the sun, smells the air, touches the trees. He's hooked. He knows that as soon as he can, his city living is over.

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So the boy grows up, backpacks through exotic land, starts a homestead, and becomes the largest proponent of off -the -grid, sustainable living.

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But then one day, his daughter contracts a rare disease and he has absolutely no access to treatment in the remote home in the mountains.

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Even with his advanced knowledge of herbs and natural remedies, he's not equipped to heal her. So he moves back to the city.

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He moves as close as he can to the best doctor he can find, and for the next five years lives and works back in the heart of the city to care for his daughter and her ongoing treatment.

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And when it's all said and done, he's just so used to being back in the city that he never moves away.

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You see, an idea, no matter how simple it is, can capture a person. It can radically change everything about them.

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It can set a flame under them that warms everyone else around them. But it's just an idea.

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It lacks divine power. It's like a health food kick or a New Year's resolution or a fad. The motivation lies in the idea itself, and when the idea dies or fails or another idea comes along that looks nicer, the idea will be left behind.

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And that can be said for religious ideas as well. And that's the case with the rocky heart.

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When they hear the truth, it sticks. They're often amazed by it. They receive it with joy.

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They believe in it. There's even change in their lives. Perhaps they become more obedient or break bad habits or start attending church and memorizing their

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Bibles. They may join the choir or volunteer at the local shelter. They may become the model teenager like the boy in the illustration.

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They may change everything from the clothes they wear to their friends to their music. They may even become miniature versions of their

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Christian moms and dads. And everyone around them is likely just praising the Lord for the glorious work he's done in their lives.

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But one day after a string of troubling times and some slips in their behavior, or maybe just maybe after a season of hidden doubt tucked deep below their pristine facade, one day the individual jettisons it all, and they completely turn their back on God.

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At first everyone's stunned, but certain people will reflect, and when they look back, they realize, you know, there was never really any fruit.

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Now, you may not have understood it at the time, but we talked about this person in good detail in episode 45, the second most important question to ask your kids.

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This is the individual in Matthew 7, 23, who despite prophesying and preaching and performing miracles,

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Jesus looks at them and says, Depart from me, I never knew you. It's because they believed a religious idea.

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They loved a religious way of life and the feelings and benefits they gleaned from living the way the Bible commands.

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This feeling is experienced by every follower of every false religion. People blow themselves up for a religious idea that has no divine power.

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The Pharisees based their false religious beliefs off of the Old Testament. Why are we so surprised that someone can believe in biblical truth and not be saved?

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In Jesus' metaphor, the rocky heart actually accepts the seed of truth. In fact, she receives the truth with joy and even endures in it for a time.

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Mark tells us this heart actually believes the truth. And I know, I don't know about you, but that verse freaked me out a little bit too.

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As we mentioned in the introduction, neither the hard heart, rocky heart, nor thorny heart in this parable represent a born -again believer.

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However, this heart is described as actually believing, believing the truth, and then it dies and doesn't bear fruit.

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Is it possible the person was saved at some point in the past? Could this be a picture of someone losing their salvation? Well, no.

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We can rest soundly knowing that when you allow Scripture to interpret Scripture, we can know two things. One, you cannot lose your salvation.

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And two, there is a faith that doesn't save. Most of us are familiar with the passages that teach us that we can't lose our salvation.

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But are you familiar with the story of Simon the Magician in Acts 8? Here's an example of someone who the

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Bible says believed the word of the apostles, but who ended up being a phony. The real issue is they believe, to a degree.

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They believe, but not in the right thing. I can believe that being good brings positive consequences without believing that the only consequence that matters is

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God's glory. I can believe that forgiving people makes life easier without believing that my forgiveness needs to be motivated by my forgiveness in Christ.

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I can believe that being a Christian is a way of life without believing that being a Christian is a living and vibrant relationship with the

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God of the universe. And I can say I believe anything I want and still not really believe it.

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Now you may ask, what's the difference? And I would answer, an eternity. In this parable,

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Jesus tells us that this person's faith is shallow. It not only lacks depth, it lacks a firm foundation.

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The roots aren't grounded in the truth. They don't reach down and embrace every part of it. So when difficulties arise because of the word, they shrivel up and show that they never really had life.

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They never really produce fruit. So the next question is, do you have a rocky -hearted child in your home?

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And this is where I have to warn you. The rocky -hearted person is the most dangerous member of your family.

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I'm not saying they're the ones who will come after you in the night. No, no. They're dangerous because they're the ones who look so good.

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They're doing all the quote -unquote right things and they really enjoy it, but they don't actually have real spiritual life and it's so hard to see that.

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You may think that the hard heart is worse because of its flat -out rejection of truth and demonic involvement, but the rocky heart gives the appearance of genuine conversion.

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It lulls us into this fake reality that everything's okay. Not only does he receive the seed of truth, but he does it with joy and there's even a season of verifiable change, but it's not until the dry weather of life comes that the heart is revealed to be unbelieving.

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And what happens when we don't see that dry weather? What happens when the weather is not quite dry enough for the parent to see that their child is an unbelieving child?

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These are the ones who look good all their lives. They become pastors or pastor's wives and then run off with an affair and deny

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God. They were rocky -hearted. Now remember, you can't lose your salvation.

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So if someone denies God later in life, you can know for certain that they were never born again regardless of how they lived up until that point.

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In fact, it's observing the rocky -hearted people of the world that has led so many other people to think that it's possible to lose your salvation.

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But Jesus makes two important points. One, there was never any fruit of repentance. It's not like there was a fruit and then that fruit shriveled up.

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It just was never there. And two, he says this behavior occurs during a time of testing when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word and immediately he falls away.

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This is what makes his heart so dangerous, especially in America. We and our spouses and our children can go for decades without realizing there's a problem.

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For the most part, our families have been spared significant persecution. In fact, for many years in the U .S. and other countries that are like to it,

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Christianity was not only encouraged but expected. People all around the world have been able to live a quasi -Christian life without them or anyone else knowing their roots were only skin deep.

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Some of these rocky -hearts may never even experience a significant drought. They may live most of their lives before they encounter a time of testing or persecution strong enough to cause them to fall away.

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And one from Jesus says, This is what makes it so hard to know if you have a rocky -hearted child.

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A hard -hearted child is easy to see, but the rocky -heart takes special perception. So how do you know? Well, I believe you can know, and I believe the book of 1

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John can help so much. All throughout the book, John flat -out calls people liars.

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James is a similar thing when he challenges the rocky -heart to prove their faith without works. It doesn't matter that your child claims to be a

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Christian. Get into the Word and see what God says are the indicators of salvation. And as I mentioned in episode 45, we too often look at our children's good behavior and mistake it for good fruit.

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The Bible does use the picture of fruit to describe the things that we do. Christ -honoring behaviors are often called fruit, but the fruit of repentance, the fruit of the

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Spirit, are not behaviors. Did you know that obedience is not a fruit of the

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Spirit? That's right. An unsaved person can obey a parent or a police officer. Telling the truth is not a fruit of the

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Spirit. Unsaved people can be honest. Being a diligent student or a good sportsman or a fascinating pastor are not fruits of the

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Spirit. Unsaved people can do every single one of those. The best way to tell which of our children may have a rocky -heart is to look for actual fruit of repentance.

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What are those, you ask? Well, we're going to talk about that as we answer the third question. How can you cultivate your child's heart like Jesus did?

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Well, the great thing about parenting a rocky -hearted child is that you don't have to know you have a rocky -hearted child to parent them well.

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Let me tell you why. The best example of a rocky -hearted child in Scripture is Judas. He believed in what Jesus was doing enough to forsake his family and job and the comforts of this life.

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He followed Christ for three years. He memorized His messages. He preached His messages. With a unique gifting of the

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Holy Spirit, Judas was able to prophesy and preach and perform miracles. He witnessed handicaps healed, storms abated, and dead raised.

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And yet, he was lost. He looked like an ardent follower of the Messiah. He experienced persecution and served and worked and probably changed some in his time with Christ, but he was never born again.

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So how did Jesus treat Judas? Interestingly enough, the exact same way He treated the other disciples.

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With only a few exceptions, everything recorded in the Scripture that Jesus had to say to Judas was said to the rest of them.

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Everything Jesus did with and to Judas, He did with and to the other twelve. He preached to him, taught him, walked with him, ate with him, washed his feet.

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So I want to end our time by looking at five important things Jesus did with Judas' rocky heart that will help us to parent our children better.

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The first is pray without ceasing. Jesus prayed all of the time, and Jesus prayed for the rocky -hearted just as much as He did for the hard -hearted.

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It's very hard to despair while praying, and it's very hard to be annoyed while praying. So parents, please pray for your children.

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Number two, speak truth without ceasing. Whether it was Judas' conniving, unregenerated heart or Peter's arrogant, unbelieving heart or Thomas' despairing, doubting heart,

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Jesus never ceased to preach and teach and illustrate and model and remind and lead. It doesn't matter if they're hard -hearted or rocky -hearted.

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They need an ever -constant stream of truth. But isn't that true of all of us? Three, love without ceasing.

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If I ever need to be humbled, I turn to the Last Supper. I watch as the God of the universe not only washed

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His creation's dirty feet, but I watch as He knowingly washed the feet of the man who was about to betray

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Him. In part, you have been placed on this planet to serve your children.

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I don't mean serve like the misinformed world thinks of serve. I mean serve like Jesus did. That might mean making their bed for them, but it may mean making their beds with them, or it may mean having them make their bed under your watchful eye, or it may mean them making their bed without you around.

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Each of those may be an act of service if it's the experience your child needs in order to become more like Christ. You mustn't arbitrarily choose one of those depending on how you feel.

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I'm in a good mood. I'm going to make my kid's bed. He never makes it the way I want him to. I'm going to watch over his shoulder until he gets it right.

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No, instead we determine which actions we should or should not take depending on which will help my child best understand and respond to the truth of God and therein we serve our children.

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Okay, so we need to pray and speak truth and love without ceasing, but we also need to look for fruit without ceasing.

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This point is the key in figuring out if your child has a soft heart or a rocky heart. You know the hard hearts because they don't give.

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They don't have any life or change whatsoever, but the rocky hearts can seem so good.

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The reality is that we should be encouraging our children to bear biblical fruit of repentance, not just be good.

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This point must be understood. Please redefine your concept of a good kid. It doesn't really matter that your child's highest aspiration in life is to get straight

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A's or eat healthy foods or be a missionary. If your child wants to get straight A's to prove to you that he's better than his older sister and she wants to eat healthy foods because she thinks she's fat even though she's not and they want to be a missionary because it sounds like an adventure, there's absolutely nothing

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Christ -honoring about that. There's just no Christ -honoring fruit there. Please remember, a Christian child should be a good kid, but a quote -unquote good kid may not be a

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Christian. Christians are people who do what unbelievers cannot do. Well, what are those things you ask?

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I want you to get out your Bible and spend some time reading the following passages and I want you to recognize that none of these verses tell you what you should do.

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They tell you who you should be. And the ultimate motivation for being what you should be is

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God and His glory. Please read Galatians 5, 16 -24, 2 Peter 1, 3 -11, and Ephesians 6, 10 -18.

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These passages will be in the notes if you need them later. Read these passages and compare your children's lives to them.

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Of course, no one will do this perfectly, but if your child truly desires the Lord's glory in their own little way, and they manifest an understanding that being kind is not simply a checklist of words and behaviors, but the outflowing of a heart that desires another's best above their own, and your child is growing in Christ -likeness, slowly though it may be, then what you'll be seeing in their life is the fruit of repentance.

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So in review, you need to pray and teach and love and search. But it's the last thing

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Jesus did with the rocky heart that will be the key to exposing your child's heart to them. Keep the pressure increasing.

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Pray without ceasing. Speak truth without ceasing. Love without ceasing. Look for fruit without ceasing.

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But keep the pressure increasing. Remember Jesus' words, "...as for what was sown on the rock, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy.

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Yet he has no root in himself, he believes, and he endures for a while. And in a time of testing, when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away."

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The time of testing is pictured by the drought. It's a stressful, pressure -filled time that shallow plants cannot bear up under, but fruitful plants whose roots are deep in the soil of truth can continue to thrive like a tree planted by the rivers of water.

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And we parents need to be part of that time of testing. Now let me tell you what I'm not suggesting. I'm not suggesting that you persecute your children for their belief in God.

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I'm not telling you to bring tribulation into their lives. The world and Satan will take care of that. But please keep in mind,

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I believe with all my heart that there are more rocky -hearted people in our churches here in America than there are in China.

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Persecution does a fantastic job of revealing the heart and separating the wheat from the chaff. Countries where being a

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Christian is punishable by death has few pretenders. Here in America, we've been pretty sheltered, and that's why we see so much turnover in the church.

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In fact, might I suggest that this epidemic of millennials leaving the church has less to do with their generation and more to do with the fact that a bunch of rocky -hearted kids are finally realizing they don't really believe in God the way they thought.

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So they leave. Why wouldn't they? And we're part of the problem. Our kids aren't being tested for Christ.

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They're enough like the world that the world doesn't judge them. Their Christian schools are focusing too much on grades and not on character.

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And their parents are happy when they accomplish the simplest of tasks. I mean, seriously, a kid manages to get himself out of bed, dress intelligently, make some food, do well at school, finish his homework, brush his teeth, and go to bed without being a jerk, and we think we're parents of the year.

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But where was God? Where was the pressure to become more conformed to the image of Christ?

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So I'm not saying you persecute your kids. The words tribulation and persecution were used in Matthew and Mark, but Luke's passage simply calls it a time of testing.

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That word testing is a time of proving and disciplining or an experiment. I believe this needs to be a part of every parent's interactions with their kids.

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If our child professes Christ, we need to expose them the truth, and we need to lovingly expect that they will respond to that truth to one degree or another with the power of the

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Holy Spirit. The high biblical expectations of an ambassador parent are part of that testing.

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Our houses mustn't be a twisted religious version of the Saw films. I say that because I've encountered too many homes just like that.

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Mom and dad plotting how to make their kids' lives unbearable just to prove some quasi -religious point. No, no.

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Instead, it's just like Jesus did. Why did he fall asleep in the boat in the storm? Why did he leave them alone to cross the sea in another storm?

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Why did he send the disciples out to do their own preaching? Have you ever noticed that the disciples weren't with Jesus for the full three years?

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There was a significant chunk of time that they couldn't comfortably sit in his shadow. In addition, Jesus was constantly testing the

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Pharisees and the faith of the people who listened to him. And it's that testing that exposed the Pharisees' hearts, helped the disciples understand their inability, and bring healing to many of the sick in Israel.

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There is nothing better than high biblical expectations to reveal a rocky heart, and this is why.

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Remember, a rocky heart believes part of the truth to a certain degree, but their ultimate motivation is still selfish.

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A person can bear up under stress for about two to four weeks without cracking, but if the pressure continues and their strength is spent, the individual will cave.

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Again, I'm not saying you put your kids through some arduous boot camp experience, but I am saying that you have to parent them as if when

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God said, be holy as I am holy, he was serious about it. Yes, you do it in truth and love, but the expectation has to be biblical, which means that it's inherently too high for any of us to do without the power of the

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Holy Spirit. May I say that again? Your expectations for your children need to be impossible for them to achieve in their own strength.

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And if your child fails and their motivation is revealed that they didn't truly believe the gospel, you will have done yourself and them the greatest service in the universe.

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You will have shown them they need Christ, and you can start the process of helping break up that shallow rock so that they can accept the seed of truth in a heart that will grow its roots deep into the truth of God.

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To parent a hard -hearted child, we need to pour as much truth and love onto her as possible. To parent the rocky -hearted child, we need to keep the same amount of truth and love flooding into his life, but we also need to test the commitment he claims to have.

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We need to lovingly equip him and keep him accountable to bear the fruit of repentance and become more like Christ, not just be a good kid.

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Next time, we'll discuss the unique way to parent the thorny -hearted child. I thank you all for your support in subscribing to Truth Love Parent, and I thank you for your prayer support as well.

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But will you consider whether the Lord would have you support this ministry with your resources? Even a dollar a month would go a long way in helping us connect

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God's Word to parents all over the globe, each house filled with many or one of the four children.

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Just click the Support TLP link in the description to learn more. And don't forget about the episode notes, which are also linked in the description.

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The parable of the soils and the entirety of Scripture was given to you in part to help you parent your kids.

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Listen, regardless of which of the four children you have in your home, there is hope for your family. In His name is

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Jesus. Truth. Love. Parent. Is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent.

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Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.