TLP 556: The Best Version of Your Kids

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So, if you want your kids to be the best version of themselves, you're absolutely going to need to stop trying to get them to be.

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Parenting isn't about us. In fact, parenting isn't even about our kids. Parenting is just one way

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Christian dads and moms are to worship God. So welcome to the Truth, Love, Parent podcast, where we train dads and moms to give

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God the preeminence in their parenting. Welcome back to Season 29. If you are only just joining us now,

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I hope you will go back to episode 548, which was the first episode of Season 29, but it was also the first in a five -part series all about expectational education.

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Now Season 29 is merely the tip of the iceberg. Season 28 was all about conflict resolution.

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Season 27 had to do with what it's like to be a parent. For example, we searched for legitimate metaphors and talked a lot about communication.

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Seasons 26 and 25 were our world -famous biblical parenting essentials series. Season 24 was all about how to have a family united in God.

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That was the foundational study that would become the online course you can only access now on the Evermind app.

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And those were only the past six seasons. There are 23 other seasons jam -packed with biblical parenting content in the form of standalone episodes, series, and a ton of interviews.

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I hope you will peruse our website, truthloveparent .com, and just see what resources may be there for you to take and utilize as you learn to better worship

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God in your parenting. I am your host Aaron Michael Brewster, and it is my joy and privilege to meet with you every week to share with you what

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God is teaching me about how He would have me, and yeah, other Christians, parent. It's been an amazing ride, and I look forward to many more years of this.

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That's just the way it is, and I hate even talking about it, but our 501c3 ministry started during the government -mandated lockdowns, and it has been so incredibly hard getting the funding we need to keep our head above water every year.

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Maybe it's a one -time gift. Maybe you will become a TLP friend who will commit to giving monthly. Anything and everything helps.

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Or you can go to MyPillow .com forward slash evermind. Or even better, you can do both. We desperately need your help and we look forward to how

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God will use you in this ministry and in the lives of countless of families as you give. And speaking of families, let's talk about yours and how you can help your kid become the best version of himself or herself.

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Today we're going to discuss seven necessary principles to which you will have to submit if you want to be the best influence you can be on your kids.

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Listen, we all want our kids to become awesome people and have awesome lives. But wanting something and practically working towards something are very different.

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In fact, too much parenting going on in the world today is actually doing nothing more than guaranteeing that countless children will not become awesome people with awesome lives, at least not in God's eyes, and those are the only ones that matter.

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So in order to help our kids become the best versions of themselves, we need to parent in line with the following truths.

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Number one, God created your kids for a reason. This is important not simply because your kids aren't a chance product of evolution.

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This is important because not only did God want your child to exist, but he has a perfect plan for their lives.

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However, though God formed your kids in the womb without anyone's participation, the outcome of their life choices is significantly affected by the decisions they make and the influence you have.

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Let me put it this way. Your child is part of God's perfect plan, but that doesn't mean that everything they do and say and feel and want and think and believe is part of that perfect plan.

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In God's perfect plan, we aren't supposed to sin. When we choose to sin, we're veering away from his perfect plan for our lives and moving into his permissive plan for our lives.

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But we don't want our kids merely experiencing the consequences of being outside of God's perfect plan. We want their best.

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So we need to start by recognizing that God actually has a desire for everything your child is and does.

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Too often we parent in generalities. My kids go to a Christian school. We take them to church.

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He hasn't killed anyone. She's not pregnant. We're good. But those things aren't indicators of a

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Christ -honoring life. Everything your child does, from the way they brush their teeth to the food they eat, from the socks they're wearing to the music to which they listen, from the things they do to the reasons they do them,

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God has a perfect plan for what and how and why they are supposed to be done. And we know that foolishness is literally knotted up in their hearts and we know they're immature and we know they need help.

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That's why God gave us to them in the first place. So we have to help them understand what God's perfect will for them is so we can help them accomplish it as they live their lives.

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We need to be specific in this. We need to recognize that God is either going to be pleased by the infinitesimal things they do or He won't.

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It's not going to be some ambivalent middle ground. So do you want them to be the best version of themselves in everything?

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Are you actively trying to help them know and understand what they have to do in order to genuinely please the

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Lord with every choice they make? Can you say with confidence that what my child is wearing right now, eating right now, the school they're going to right now, their attitude, how they interact with their siblings, how they do their chores, how they do their homework, all of those things glorify

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God? Because so often we don't really think about so many of those things unless something quote unquote goes wrong.

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Well, if you want them to be the best version of themselves, then you need to realize that everything great and small matters.

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It all matters. We shouldn't be making any excuses for their poor choices and we shouldn't be okay when they're not really being good, but they're not really being bad either.

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Number two, you can't change your kids, but you have to influence them. We've talked about this a lot.

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You have absolutely no ability nor requirement to change your kids. It's not your job. This means that if you are, your parenting is a controlling parenting, you're not going to help them be the best version of themselves.

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Those of you who've listened to the fifth way to parent series know about what I'm talking. And if you're uncertain what

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I mean, I have the link for that two part series in the description of today's episode, along of course, with a bunch of other links for other resources, episode notes, and a transcript.

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However, even though you've never been tasked with controlling your kids, you have been ordained to influence them for God's perfect will.

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Yes, we all influence our kids, but far too often you and I are influencing them in selfish ways for selfish reasons.

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But God wants us to influence our kids in all of the minutia of His perfect will for their lives. He wants us to rear them in the nurture and admonition of the

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Lord. If you want your kids to be the best version of themselves, then you need to realize there's nothing you can do to change them, but literally everything you do will either influence them to submit to God's perfect plan or rebel against it.

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Then, as you're trying to influence your kids for their greatest good and God's greatest glory, you need to be consciously recognizing that, number three, your kids shouldn't become versions of you.

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In our flesh, all we know is ourselves. All we can control is ourselves. All we believe is best is what we ourselves believe is best.

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Therefore, in the flesh, it makes all the sense in the world to help our kids, or try to control them, to be just like us.

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But your kids aren't you. God didn't create you and then create you again.

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He created a new person, a different person. Now, this doesn't mean that God doesn't expect your kids to believe the same truth that you believe or to do the same righteous deeds that you do.

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A former pastor friend of mine used to say, I don't want my kids to be like me. I want them to be like God.

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That will involve my kids and I believing and saying and doing a lot of the same things, but it won't be I demanding that they believe the way

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I do and live the way I do. It will be I helping them believe what God commands them to believe and living accordingly.

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Please do not push for your kids to be a better version of yourself. Parent your kids to be the best version of themselves.

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This means that your kids will be different in Christ -honoring ways. My son is not me.

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He dresses differently, likes things for which I don't care. He has a different vocabulary and he likes foods that I don't usually eat and none of those things are wrong.

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He even helps keep me accountable by lovingly confronting me when I'm handling a situation in a sinful way. So, if you want your kids to be the best version of themselves, you're going to need to stop trying to get them to be a better version of you.

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Stop trying to create them in your image. Recognize they were created in God's image and help them pursue the holiest version of that.

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To that end, what is God's perfect will for their lives? 4. Your kids need to believe what

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God's word says. In its most seminal form, salvation is simply believing

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God's promises. And as those who have listened to the Mears Christianity series know, what you believe is the single most important part of who you are.

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Simply put, God expects your kids to have faith in the scriptures. He wants them to believe the

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Bible. He demands that they trust His revealed word. The Bible is the very sum total of truth they need to know, understand, and worship

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God on this earth. Therefore, they need to know what it says before they can believe it. You can't believe something you don't know.

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How are you parenting your kids to better know, understand, and believe the scriptures? Are you hoping the church will handle that for you?

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Are you planning on the Christian school materials to quote the Bible? Are you assuming they're just going to develop a habit of personal devotions and Bible study on their own?

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If you want your kids to be the best version of themselves, then you absolutely have to be influencing them to know and trust what the

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Bible says. They have to be reading it, memorizing it, studying it, meditating on it, and most importantly, obeying it.

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And of course, you need to be doing those things as you guide them into how to do it themselves. And if they're doing that, number five, your kids need to have a relationship with the

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Lord. Their first act of faith needs to be believing what God says about how they deserve to be separated for all eternity from Him because of their sin.

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They need to recognize that there is nothing they can do to earn, purchase, or otherwise obtain forgiveness for their sins.

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They need to trust what the Father says about how Jesus came to live a perfect life, die a perfect death, raised from the dead in perfection, and ascend perfectly to the

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Father to purchase their redemption. And they need to believe in Him as the only way they can be forgiven of their sin, become one of God's people, and spend eternity with Him in sweet fellowship.

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So are you a gospel parent? We have a ton of episodes about evangelism parenting. I will link them for you in the description.

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We have the glorious privilege of imaging the gospel to our kids, telling them about it, inviting them to believe it, and parenting in it every moment of the day.

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And we need to do just that. If you want your kids to be the best version of themselves, then they have to know

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Christ as their Savior. They have to be born again and in Christ, otherwise they're dead, they're a corpse, they're spiritually destitute.

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And please understand, there isn't the best version of them and then the second best version of them. It's not a scale with a whole lot of good before they finally cross the line and start becoming the worst version of themselves.

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There's the best version of themselves and then there's the worst. There is no middle ground. Just two choices on the shelf, pleasing

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God or pleasing self. They're either glorifying Him or they're not. This is why becoming a

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Christian isn't a one and done thing. Yes, we're justified by grace and a moment of time, but salvation is a lifelong process whereby we are also sanctified.

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I encourage you to listen to the Celebration of God series entitled Mercy, Grace, Life and Power.

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Those are the four celebratory seasons of the year -long celebration of God. And in each of those series, the second episode discusses a different facet of our salvation.

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We need to understand it and our kids do too. And since salvation is a multi -part process, it's not enough that our kids prayed a prayer or made a confession.

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Number six, your kids need to obey His word. I've touched on this throughout each of these points, but it needs to be clearly stated here.

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Your kids will never be the best version of themselves unless they are living according to God's perfect will.

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This is not going to happen because someone forces them to do it. They're not supposed to just copy everything you do.

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They need to personally believe God's word. That means they need to have a personal relationship with Him and they need to live accordingly.

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God has high biblical expectations for their lives and if they genuinely are His children, then He has created, commanded, and capacitated them to obey

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Him. They must, or they're not glorifying Him and they're not being the best version of themselves. If you've never listened to the

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God's Will for Your Child series, please check it out. Sometimes it can feel so daunting when we consider just how significantly

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God's word would impact our lives if we simply started trusting it 50 % more than we currently do.

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The God's Will for Your Child series starts by laying some foundational realities concerning God's will for your kids.

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It gives you a framework in which to parent so you don't feel too overwhelmed as you look at all of the things that potentially need to change.

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Of course, every single one of our over 550 episodes does the same, but my encouragement to you today is if you haven't been parenting your kids to be the best version of themselves and you know that a lot has to change in order for them to move in that direction, it's easy to get overwhelmed and tempted to either give up or not try in the first place.

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But don't do that. Your kids need you to influence them in the will of God. So start simple.

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Focus on the foundational things and move on from there. Then and only then will this seventh truth blossom in their lives.

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Number seven, your kids need to become who God is creating them to be. There are two big tasks in your child's life today and they have nothing to do with school and home life and chores and relationships.

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Well, they kind of do, but not really. The first is that they need to be who he wants them to be today, this afternoon, this hour, this minute.

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Okay. Yes. And of course, being that person will affect all of those things I just mentioned. But your kids also need to be who

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God wants them to be tomorrow and next year and 16 and a half years from now.

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See, the first half of God's will for your child series lays out the foundational elements of God's perfect will for their lives.

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But the second half of that same series addresses how you can help your kids get an idea of the person he is making them to be in the future.

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This includes where they should pursue higher education, the jobs and ministries they should have, the person they should marry, the church they should attend, and so on.

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I created a proprietary tool called the insight lists that when rightly completed and evaluated can provide some biblical guidance concerning the path

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God has for their spiritual maturity and choices. Of course, it's not foolproof because even the fool has said in his heart, there is no

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God. But it's based off biblical principles and a lifetime of sanctified anthropology, Christ honoring psychology and biblical counseling experience.

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So if you want your kids to be the best version of themselves, they need to be moving in the direction of the future best version of themselves.

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Today's show was definitely more of a broad overview. But when you take each specific point and dig deeper into the scriptures to understand the truth behind them and the expectations for them, then you are going in the right direction in your parenting.

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So please share this episode so that more and more of God's people can help their kids become the best version of themselves. And feel free to contact us at counselor at truthloveparent .com

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or leave a voicemail at 828 -423 -0894 if you desire individualized biblical counsel and or discipleship in this stage of your life and parenting.

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On our next episode, we're going to talk about one of the consequences that comes from parenting our kids into the worst version of themselves, the version that isn't pursuing

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God's perfect will in their lives. To that end, we're going to look at the pitfalls of merely moral parenting.

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But I pray that before next week's episode comes out, you will pray about and Lord willing become a monthly donor for Truth Love Parent.

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I so badly want to continue equipping Christian dads and moms to worship God in their parenting, but I need your help to do it.

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So have a great week. Please partner with us. Parent your kids in Christ, and I'll see you later.

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Truth Love Parent is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you worship God through your parenting.

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So join us next time as we study God's Word to learn how to parent our children for life and godliness. And remember that TLP is a listener supported ministry.