If The Princess Bride Characters Were Churches

The Princess Bride’s Opening Adventure Montage

Knowledge. Have fun storming the castle. Think it'll work? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles. We are but poor lost circus performers.

The Queen of Slime and the Poisoned Goblet

I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase. I'll explain and I'll use small words that you'll be sure to understand. You warthog faced buffoon. So bow down to her if you want,.

Bow to her, bow to the queen of slime, the queen of filth, the queen of putrescence. Boo! Boo!

Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Now a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I'm not a great fool so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

But you must have known I was not a great fool. You would have counted on it so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Inconceivable Logic and the Meaning of the Word

He didn't fall? Inconceivable! You keep using the word. I don't think it means what you think it.

Means. Hold it, hold it. What is this? Is this a kissing book? Wait, just wait. Are you just.

Fiddling around with me or what? I just want you to feel you're doing well. Hello! My name is.

Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. Stop saying that! Well it just so happens.

That your friend here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Please open his mouth.