Allen Parr is struggling...

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If I'm just being honest, I feel like I'm just going through the motions sometimes. I have my days where I wonder how much longer

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I'm going to be on YouTube. I have my days where I say I don't even want to be on YouTube anymore. I 150 million percent understand this.

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And so I appreciate Alan being real here. There are seasons in our lives as Christians where we do, we feel spiritually dry.

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We all feel this way from time to time. This is actually a normal aspect of what it looks like to be a

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Christian. Somebody needs to hear that today. Alan Parr is struggling.

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And he's about to open up and get super real with all of us. Now, I'm someone who knows Alan. I met him years ago at a conference and have stayed in touch over time.

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And he's been not only kind to me, but an influence on the way I do ministry. And on others as well, just like me.

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So for someone like Alan Parr to bear his soul this way, boy, it makes me reflect on my own ministry practices and check myself.

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Amen. And I suspect the same is true for you. So let's see where Alan is struggling.

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And if there are any warnings here for myself or for you, as we all seek to make much of Christ in today's culture.

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Before we go any further, if you're new here, welcome to Wise Disciple. My name is Nate Sala. And I'm helping you become the effective Christian that Jesus wants you to be.

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And that includes understanding how to navigate ministry and problems and issues all at the same time as they pop up along the way.

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Amen. Make sure to like and sub and share this video around, but only if it blesses you. If it doesn't, feel free to move on.

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All right, let's get right into it. Let's start with, um, I guess let's start with spiritually, right?

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Um, that's an interesting one because, you know, for the last five years, I've been reading through the Bible in one year. I've been doing my daily audio

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Bible. Absolutely love it. Um, I go on walks every morning and, um, I listen to the daily audio

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Bible, listen to my worship. And so in one regard, I feel like I'm doing really well strong in that area.

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But then there's other times where I feel like if I'm just being honest, like, I feel like I'm just going through the motions sometimes because I feel like at the end of the day, like, yeah,

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I checked off the box that I read my Bible. I'm a good Christian. I read my Bible today. I'm caught up on my daily audio Bible. I read it every day.

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But I feel like a lot of days I'm just going like wide, but not deep in the word as much as I should. And man, this is embarrassing, but I'm just being honest with you.

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Sometimes I feel like, man, I go deep to get my beat videos prepared for you guys. And I study and study and make sure that I'm all ready for that.

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But do I go to that same level of depth? If it's just me in the Lord, like I'm not presenting or I'm not preparing anything so that I can be prepared for you.

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It's just me getting into the word, digging deep into it. I do it sometimes, but not as often as I would like.

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And if I'm honest, sometimes I'm listening to my daily audio Bible. Sometimes I'm in my car. Sometimes I'm distracted. Sometimes I let my phone distract me from listening to it.

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And as a result, sometimes it's just an activity where I'm like, man, I checked it off. I got through it that day. And there's nothing necessarily wrong with that.

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I mean, every day you're not going to have these light bulb moments, these aha moments, these encounters with God that you're like, oh man,

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I came out of the presence of God and my face is still shining with the Shekinah glory coming down from the mountain. Like you're not going to have all, you're not going to have those experiences all the time.

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But, you know, I would say that, you know, my, I should be able to, what am I trying to say? I want to say that I would like to go deeper, more frequently in my

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Bible study than I have. And that would be an encouragement to some of you specifically, you're my pastor friends out there. Make sure that you're not just, you know, spending time with God for the people, but you're spending time with God for yourself.

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Now, good for him. You know, being open and vulnerable in this way.

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Uh, we all go through seasons where it seems like the things that we're doing in our journey following after Jesus Christ is perfunctory instead of passionate.

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You know what I mean? There are seasons in our lives as Christians where we do, we, we feel spiritually dry.

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And it sounds like Alan is sharing his moments when he feels like that. Here's what

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I can tell you. I felt this way before. Why? Because we all do. We all feel this way from time to time.

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This is actually a normal aspect of what it looks like to be a Christian. Somebody needs to hear that today.

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Somebody needs to hear that you're feeling this, but you think, wow, everybody else just seems so put together and everything's going wonderfully.

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Nope. This is actually a normal aspect of being a Christian. The only reason you haven't heard more about this is probably because of the nature of social media.

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Social media is designed in such a way to curate your best self.

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To curate this representation of the persona of always being happy, always motivated, always looking good, doing and saying the right things all the time.

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Just this wonderful version of you. And that's not reality. It's okay to experience sadness.

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It's okay to experience failure, to feel lost and to even be uncertain about your life and where it's all going.

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It's okay to experience boredom. Somebody needs to hear that. All of these things, what they really are, hear me now, they are opportunities.

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They are not obstacles. They are just part and parcel of the full range of emotional experience that God gives you, you know?

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And so we shouldn't shy away from these things. We should recognize the proper way to have these kinds of emotions, to think out loud, to process through these experiences and to share this with other people.

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And so if you are feeling something like what Alan is describing right now, let me encourage you.

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This is not out of the norm. This is not bizarre. This is what can happen to a lot of us. And there's a lesson and a purpose for even something like this.

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There's a Bible passage that comes to mind along these lines. But I wonder if Alan will have a

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Bible passage. So I'll let him finish and maybe circle back around. Another area that I would say I'm kind of struggling is prayer. You know,

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I just continue to struggle in that area, not really carving out specific intentional time for that.

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As it relates to like strongholds or temptation in my life, you know, I feel like I'm doing really well in that area.

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You know, I'm not perfect, but I feel like, man, you know, starting every day in the Word and getting God's Spirit, just that presence of the

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Lord every single day and starting my day with worship and just, you know, a little bit of prayer as I'm walking.

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It really sets my mind in the right space and allows me to truly have the right mindset.

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And I've noticed since I've done that, my temptations have been few and far in between. So that's how

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I'm doing as it relates to spiritually. So let's move on to the next one. Okay. Well, okay. Let me add a

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Bible passage to consider. Look at this. So this is the Psalmist here writing, and this is

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Psalm 42. This is what it says. As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you,

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O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall

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I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night. While they say to me all the day long, where is your

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God? These things I remember as I pour out my soul, how

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I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival.

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So again, the Psalmist is writing here as he feels separated from God.

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This is a moment that he's going through. He can't even go to the temple and appear before God in worship.

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And he apparently has enemies that taunt him. They're saying, where is your

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God? Right? They say to him all the day long, this is a person who feels far from God.

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Can you see that? And I would just characterize it this way. This is a person who feels spiritually dry.

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So the question is, what is his recourse? What can he do about this? Take a look at verse four. These things

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I remember as I pour out my soul, how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival.

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Here it is. Why are you cast down? Oh, my soul. And why are you in turmoil within me?

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Hope in God for I shall again praise him my salvation. By the way, real quick, some of you asked me, you know, what

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I'm using to read God's word. It's called Logos. And while I do also use physical Bibles to teach,

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Logos is the app that I use, not only to read the Bible with you here, but also in my own studies of the scripture every morning.

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I just cannot recommend Logos enough. It's a game changer for you, friends. Go check it out along with my special discount.

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It's logos .com forward slash wise disciple. All right. Let me just, this is probably another video for another time, but you'll notice that there is a formula here.

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I mean, not just in this Psalm, but all over the place where people feel spiritually dry, right?

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They feel far from God. And so they do a couple of things every single time.

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Here it is. The key word in verse four is remember. They look, in other words, they look to the past and they remember what

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God has done. Then they let that past experience where they felt close to God, or maybe, you know,

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God had done something wonderful in their lives. They let that past experience filter their present experience of dryness.

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In other words, they're not hyper zoomed in or focused on what's going on today.

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They are using what is going on today as a springboard to talk about what

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God did in the past. And because they perform this particular exercise, it causes them to shift and anticipate what

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God will do again in the future one day. If, in other words, if he was there in the past, right, he will be there again for us in the future.

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It doesn't feel like he is right now, but in the future he will be, it's just a matter of time and a matter of patience.

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And there's, you know, there's a lot more to say about all of this, but the reason I'm sharing this with you now is this is the biblical response to feeling spiritually dry.

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Again, this is not an obstacle. It's an opportunity to remember what God has done before and to persist in seeking him in the moment, knowing that he will make his presence known again to you in the future.

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And you know what this exercise does? It strengthens your faith. If faith were like a bicep, right?

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This exercise is like a preacher curl. Amen? Anyway, I'm grateful for Alan who is secure enough clearly to be vulnerable like this and to give us this opportunity to wrestle with these issues.

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It's an important one to think through. This was a tough one for me because along those same lines,

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I never saw a father in the home after six. Let me be clear.

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I have a great mother who loves me dearly. I have a great father who loves me dearly. All right. I'm eternally grateful for them.

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They are great parents. But in terms of seeing a father in the home, how a father interacts with his family, with his kids on a day -to -day basis,

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I didn't have that. And so once again, I struggle in this area. I'm always wondering and questioning, how do

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I do this thing? How do I become a good dad? How do I make sure that I'm present? How do I make sure that I'm balancing my work with my family?

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And how do I create environments where my kids can be comfortable talking to me and, you know, I'm learning all these things as I go.

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Oh my gosh. I feel this one.

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I feel this one, you know. You know,

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I have a great relationship with my parents today. You know, we're all saved by the grace of God.

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And we talk to each other just about every single day. We don't live in the same city, but we FaceTime as much as we can.

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And I'm grateful to my father, who grew up in an incredibly abusive environment.

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And despite all of that, he did everything that he possibly could to put food on our plates every day, to make sure that I and my mom were taken care of.

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But that meant, especially for someone like him, who, you know, he came to the

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United States later in life. So my father is Samoan. Both he and I were born in American Samoa.

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That meant that he had to chase jobs. And he took all kinds. My dad, he worked as a cab driver for a period of time.

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He worked at a gas station. He was a mail clerk at a government facility.

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He took a job on a boat in the Gulf of Mexico, looking for oil. And he was gone for months and months at a time.

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I never saw him. And so that meant growing up, it was just me and my mom for a large period of time.

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And I just, I share all that to say, I didn't have, like what Alan is talking about here.

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I didn't have the, you know, Ward Cleaver type father figure, who was always sitting on the couch every day after dinner, reading the paper.

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And then, you know, having me come and sit on his knee while he passed down pearls of manly wisdom.

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That was not my experience either. Much of what it means to be a husband and a father has been

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God's grace in allowing me to learn from other men, essentially. And again, I mean, this isn't a knock on my father at all.

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I love my dad. And I praise God that we're all safe today and that we all have a great relationship.

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Me, my dad, my mom. But I know what Alan's talking about. About wondering if I've done enough.

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Questioning the things that I've done in the past to ensure that my two sons grow up fully prepared to face the world because I did and said everything that needed to be done and said in order to equip them.

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And then trusting the Lord that he'll cover everything else that I missed.

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You know, this one hits. How about you?

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Are you a dad questioning the same thing? Are you going to be a dad soon? Let me know in the comments, you know, because you're amongst friends here.

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At 48 years old, nine years in, I'm learning these things because once again, I didn't have that example to look at and be like, man,

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I want to be just like that whenever I become a dad. I remember my dad taught me this. I remember my dad, you know, man, we were in the home.

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He used to take me everywhere. He used to do this. Now my dad did some of that. But remember, there's only so much you can do whenever you only see your kids once every two weeks or once a week or whatever.

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Simply because you're not in the home, right? And this is not a strike against my dad or my mom. It just is what it is. It is what it is.

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And this is what happens, guys. When divorce hits your home is that, you know, your kids are going to suffer, right?

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It's just a by -product of that. Just accept it. It is what it is. All right? So it sounds like Alan's parents got divorced and he grew up in that environment, you know?

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I mean, that was not my experience. And the only reason I bring that up is there are other situations that produce the same result.

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And that is a father who is not present and showing their sons the ropes of what it means to be a future husband and father or just a man in general, right?

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Other situations also lead to the same thing. I mean, my parents and I were poor, you know?

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That's why my dad took all kinds of jobs. My parents didn't divorce. They just didn't have a college education or training in any specific kind of trade.

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And so they chased the opportunities, which meant that my dad was gone for all hours and sometimes out of town working jobs.

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But even for other young men and women, maybe they're not a product of divorce, but maybe dad is just a workaholic.

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And so dad stays at the office for 80 hours. Or maybe dad took work home with him and never knew how to be present, which might as well have meant that he was physically gone from the house.

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You know what I mean? There are other situations that produce the same effect. But let me share this with you.

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Here's what the Bible says about being a dad. So the Bible doesn't give an explicit manual about how to be a father per se, right?

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How to father children, okay? Instead, there are these pieces throughout scripture where it talks about fathers and what fathers should be doing.

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If you pay close attention, there is a consistent pattern that comes out of these pieces focused on fathers.

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And that's this. Train your children and encourage them along the way. Simple but profound.

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Train them in what they need to know and encourage them along the way to follow God. But all of this presupposes that something fundamental happen at base.

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And it comes down to two words, quality time. Quality time.

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And if you think about it, not only is this what children need in general, it's what your wife needs, husbands.

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It's what you need with the Lord on a regular basis, young man. And if you pursue this kind of quality time across the board, right?

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With God first and then your wife, right? When it comes to quality time with your children now, training and encouragement will just naturally flow.

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Okay, take a look at this. This is verse eight. So being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you, not only the gospel of God, but also our own selves because you had become very dear to us.

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For you remember brothers, our labor and toil. We work night and day that we might not be a burden to any of you while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God.

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You are witnesses and God also, how holy and righteous and blameless was our conduct towards you believers.

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For you know how, here it is, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.

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So this is the apostle Paul talking about how he and his team who spent time with the

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Christians at Thessalonica, he's just describing what all that looked like.

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But notice it was not only that they taught and proclaim the gospel with this particular church, but Paul says they shared their own selves.

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Right? It's verse eight. They shared their own selves with these folks out of an affection and a desire for them.

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That's quality time. That's what I mean. I think that's why

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Paul likens what he did to what fathers do.

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It's because that's what all fathers should do. Spend quality time with your children, where both training and encouragement overflows.

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Now, what that looks like is different for different people, but the principle holds. And that's what us fathers should fight to safeguard in our families.

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And believe me, very often it is a fight. In this particular kind of culture that we find ourselves in, in the sort of implicit expectations of the workplace that we men find ourselves in, we have to fight to safeguard this very thing.

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For some of you, it's easier to go outside the home and do work and just let everybody else deal with themselves at home.

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Right? And I can tell you, that's not God's plan for you as a father. Last category, and that's ministry.

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Ministry. Yeah. Oh boy. So all in all,

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I'm pumped. I'm super excited about some aspects of what we're doing. Super excited about the future, the vision.

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I'm not quite ready to reveal it publicly right now in terms of everything that we're doing, but rest assured that we are working behind the scenes to create some amazing learning opportunities for you that I'm extremely excited about.

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But as it relates to YouTube, I have my days. If I'm being honest, I have my days where I wonder how much longer

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I'm gonna be on YouTube. I have my days where I say, I don't even want to be on YouTube anymore, if I'm being honest.

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And let me explain why. Let me explain why. I suspect

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I know why, but I'll hold my comments and let him finish.

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Let me take you, just my own thought pattern here. When I got on YouTube, August 17, 2015, nine years ago, for the first five, six years, our channel really grew.

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And I was able to put out biblical content that was just theologically accurate, biblical content, strong content.

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And we grew our ministry exponentially during that time because it felt like there was a group of people that were really, really hungry for biblical truth, theology, apologetics, answering questions about the

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Bible, about faith. And people were hungry about that. And then along came a lot of new

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YouTubers, which I love and respect deeply. Is that me?

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I think I'm, I think I'm part of that new wave. But the landscape on YouTube has significantly changed to where what

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YouTube's algorithm is promoting and preferring now is shocking and negative content, conspiracy theory, or I don't know,

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I need to be careful here, but it seems to, it seems to promote that, right?

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If I can put something that's so shocking out or if I can just do a reaction video where I'm just sitting behind the chair, reacting to something, that seems to be what

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YouTube is promoting. And it's largely because that seems to be what people are wanting. And so there are days when

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I get very discouraged because I'm like, God, I am trying my best here to stay true to being a teacher of your word and staying true to the vision that you've given me.

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But it just, it doesn't seem like enough people on YouTube are even interested in that anymore.

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I 150 million percent understand this.

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And I wholeheartedly affirm everything that he just said. I get it.

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I get it. This has been one of the most difficult aspects of doing what

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I do here as well. A wise disciple, you know, what Alan is talking about right now.

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I was actually aware of Alan back in the day, right? Like I was aware of people like Mike Winger back in the day, like what they were doing like pre -COVID, you know?

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And I think he's right. You know, the algorithm has changed, which is an interesting conundrum for someone like me.

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I'm a teacher by calling. And I have a pastoral concern in the ways that I view the world around me.

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My heart is for biblical literacy and evangelism and discipleship. But guess what?

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If I make videos that literally say these things in the title or the description, nobody's going to watch it.

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I learned this the hard way when I first started making videos back in 2020. And it was disheartening and disappointing all the way back then when

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I realized that, when it really sunk in for me back then. And so what

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I had to figure out was, I need to find a way to work within what

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YouTube expects of videos and content creators, while at the same time, slipping in what

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I really want to talk about, which is the Bible evangelism and discipleship. And so, you know, that's why you'll see me making the faces, right?

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And the titles are what they are. Some of the titles of my videos have gotten people super upset.

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And I mean, you have to understand, I'm praying through what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.

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And I'm not at all saying that I'm perfect or I've done everything right. What I'm saying is, I don't do things flippantly.

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There are hardly any accidents when it comes to the content that I'm creating, but I'll let you in on my thought process.

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So, you know, like this is for those of you who also want to create content on YouTube. The trick for me is that I'm not actually making reaction videos.

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Reaction videos to me are like the dumbest things that I've ever seen. It's somebody sitting there playing the original clip and going, ooh, did you see that?

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Uh -oh, right? That's not what I'm doing. What I'm doing is, in my mind anyway,

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I'm using a popular convention, which is the reaction format, in order to subvert expectations and then talk about what really matters.

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You know? And for me, that's showing all of you how the

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Bible connects to everything that is happening in our lives. If 2 Timothy 3, 16 and 17 is true, which

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I believe it absolutely is, right? All scripture is not only breathed out by God, but will complete and equip you for every good work.

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Amen? Then what I'm doing is I'm showing you what that looks like practically in these videos, right?

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When real situations pop up in the Zeitgeist, I go to the scripture and I show you how it connects. That's all.

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That's why I make videos about Russell Brand or Jordan Peterson. That's why I make videos about, you know,

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TikTok theology or aliens and UFOs, right? Or even sermons, or I'll do debate videos.

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It's because I'm trying to think, what are you wrestling with right now? What are you wondering about?

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What are you asking? What are you going through? And then I'll make a video.

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But, you know, in the spirit of candor, of Brother Allen here,

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I gotta tell you, I don't know if I can do this indefinitely either. I see what

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I'm doing right now as this beautiful wave that God has called me to surf. And I was so glad when the

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Lord called me to this and I was ready, okay? I had my surfboard out. I was just waiting for that moment.

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And here I am now, and I'm surfing this wave now. And it's amazing. It's an amazing experience. But in the back of my mind,

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I'm thinking this wave can't last forever. That's just the nature of things, isn't it?

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Everything happens in its own season and in its own appointed time. That is the teaching of scripture.

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That is the attitude of the Lord. And if, and when God tells me to stop surfing and put my board away,

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I'm gonna have to be obedient to him and go do something else, right? God willing, that won't be anytime soon, okay?

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Only he knows, amen? But nevertheless, I have to be obedient. And so I appreciate

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Alan being real here. Yeah, I've wrestled with similar things.

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They would rather watch. I mean, like I did a video not too long ago about the beware of Taylor Swift and it's got like 400 ,000 views.

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Imagine if I did that every week, right? Stuff on Taylor Swift and different people. I mean, yeah, it was a good video and I enjoyed doing it.

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But for me, I feel like what you and all Christians need to grow spiritually more than anything is solid biblical truth and sound theology.

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I will be committed to that till the day I die. Amen, amen. Praise God, hallelujah.

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That's my commitment as well. And my prayer every single day is, you know,

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God, I am your servant. In whatever way, in whatever capacity, use me, I'm ready and I'm willing, use me.

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This is what God's word says. First Peter 2, nine says, you are a chosen race.

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You, me, our brothers and sisters all together. Alan, you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

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May that be our guiding principle in all of the things that we do as God's people, amen. I mean, this is certainly why

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I do what I do at this ministry. I trust that it's why Alan does what he does in his ministry. And I pray that more of you would join me in shining the light of the gospel to a dark world that so desperately needs it, right?

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I thank God for my brother, Alan Parr, for his, you know, brutal honesty, for his candor, for his boldness and for how he continues to remain obedient to the call of God on his own life.

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You know, I'm thankful for his ministry. He's been a huge influence on me and I'm so grateful that he would do something like this.

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You know, it inspires me to be as transparent and to do the same. Would you join me in praying for him and his family?

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He is an inspiration to myself and to people like me, that's for sure. All right, well, that's enough out of me.

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Now it's your turn. What do you think of Alan Parr sharing his struggles here? Has this blessed you and encouraged you?

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Or do you have a different reaction to all of this? Let me know in the comments below. As always, if you made it this far, get yourself on over to the

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Patreon community. It's continuing to get bigger and bigger. Lots of cool features over there happening right now, including an in -depth

31:29

Bible study. I should probably invite brother Alan to it. We're going to the Gospel of Matthew together.

31:35

Go check it out. The link for the Patreon is below. I'm gonna return soon with more videos, but in the meantime, I'll say bye for now.