Should You Always Comfort A Crying Baby?

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We're talking about letting a baby cry for 15 minutes. You think that you're gonna permanently scar them for life and they're gonna suffer from mental disorders because they cried for 15 minutes?

00:08

Like you think the entirety of your parenting from now until 18 is just gonna be thrown into the dumpster because your baby cried for 10 minutes so you could take a shower?

00:17

You need to wake up, you know? Like, come on, like, this is crazy. Like, this is like, this is lady sensibilities on crack.

00:28

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01:56

Welcome to Bible Bash, where we aim to equip the saints for the works of ministry by answering the questions you're not allowed to ask.

02:02

We're your hosts, Harrison Kerrigan, Pastor Tim Mullett, and today we'll seek to answer the age -old question, should you always comfort a crying baby?

02:11

Tim, this is definitely one that I myself have had to really wrestle through the answer over the last,

02:19

I guess, two years or so, because that's when I had my first, when

02:25

I had my first daughter was, she just turned two right at the end of last year, and there's definitely, it's obviously a big life change in a lot of different ways, and it can be pretty chaotic, especially if you and your wife are not on the same page.

02:47

That wasn't necessarily the case with my wife and I, but then I know that that is a pretty common thing to not really have talked through a lot of what it means to actually your family to be more than just you and your spouse anymore, right?

03:02

And a lot of people - This is a male -female fight that normally goes on in most marriages, and we, considering that we're men, we're uniquely qualified to speak to this issue.

03:16

We're uniquely gifted to give our specific insight, and so you need to listen to it and respect it.

03:24

That's right. That's right. I mean, I say that, but most people would dismiss us completely.

03:31

Oh, yeah, oh, you're a man. You don't know the first thing about taking care of a baby. Yeah, that's right. But the reality is it is a pretty big point of contention for a lot of couples, especially just because, honestly,

03:44

I mean, in a lot of ways, it is really hard to anticipate all of the ways your life is going to change when you have your first child.

03:54

Now, when you have the second and the third one, I guess I can't speak to the third one from personal experience, but I've at least had a second one.

04:03

It gets easier. It feels like it gets a lot easier because you've kind of already been through the process in a lot of ways, and a lot of the decisions were hopefully made with the first baby, so with the second one, ideally, it should be a lot easier, at least in terms of communicating with your spouse on it.

04:23

But then one of the issues that a lot of married couples run into when it comes to having children is this idea of,

04:34

I mean, here's the reality. The baby's gonna cry, and the baby's gonna cry a lot because the baby can't communicate in any other way besides crying, especially newborns, right?

04:47

They don't have any other way of communicating, and so they just cry for everything all the time, and it's not like our crying.

04:55

It's like a, it's like a, you know. Ear -splitting, banshee scream.

05:00

Yeah, it is sometimes likened to a banshee scream, and crying, baby's crying is kind of this thing that it seems like our society frowns upon, so if you're out in public and your baby starts crying, the temptation is to immediately think, oh, everyone's like, number one, everyone is now inconvenienced by my baby who is crying, and number two, they think

05:31

I'm a bad parent because my baby's crying, right? And so I need to respond knowing that now

05:38

I have inconvenienced everyone and they think I'm a terrible parent because my baby's crying in public.

05:44

That's a common thought that a lot of people have, and they feel like, oh, I've got to do whatever it takes to get this baby to shut up because everyone is looking at me.

05:57

So all that being said, it's this big point of contention. There are very real decisions that have to be made in terms of how do we actually respond to our baby when they cry, and I know you ran a

06:11

Twitter poll on this, and you asking this question, basically, what should you do, right?

06:20

And so tell us a little bit about what the responses were with that poll and what some of the answers we got were.

06:28

Yeah, well, I think a lot of our audience is male, so I think the poll, or our followers are male, so I think the poll kind of ran its course somewhat along general lines, but not really.

06:43

I mean, I think you got more, it's okay to strategically let your baby cry than not, the responses on that, but then the ones that were not were pretty, they were what you can imagine in terms of they were pretty unreasonable kind of responses in general, and meaning there is a type of, mostly it's a type of lady, like there's a type of lady who has basically made it her goal, like her mission that you always comfort a crying baby, and most women are not absolutely consistent with that as a rule, because it really does get pretty unwieldy really quickly if you have a rule that you always comfort a crying baby.

07:32

Most women are, blessedly, not perfectly consistent on that, but if they try, they will drive everyone crazy in the household, like themselves, they'll drive themselves crazy, they'll be at their husband's throat, and their husband will be at their throat, and then the baby is just kind of, you can kind of turn a baby into a clingy kind of monster at that point where there's no brakes on this thing at all, and then not only that,

08:00

I mean, your house just can go to, basically you could be eating fast food for the first couple years of your life.

08:07

Every time you, because you just, you make it this demand that I always have to comfort a crying baby, and life happens.

08:17

So as far as that goes, though, I think there is a type of, mostly that's kind of a lady response to go there with it and to clamp down with an iron knuckle grip, and then if you push back on it at all, there's kind of like this, you're a literally abusive parent kind of thing.

08:34

Naturally, yeah, of course. You just hate, you're just an incompetent man who, but mostly, what's happening, though, in most relationships is that the man, because men are geared to be tough, courageous and tough, and they don't have quite the level of sensitivity as a woman, and that's a little bit of an understatement.

08:56

What's normally happening is the man is wanting the baby to kind of grow up and have the skin of a rhinoceros, two months old kind of thing.

09:08

So he's trying to mold that baby into a rock of unyielding granite. But then what's happening on the other end is lady sees baby, and baby is crying, because lady is compassionate.

09:23

Lady, typically, women much more struggle. They can't turn it out as well as men.

09:28

Yeah, and I think they're a lot more tempted to get frazzled. Get frazzled, they can't turn it out, like they get frazzled.

09:36

But then they just, they're made to be nurturing and caring, and I think there's just this sense in which baby is crying, you need to fix it, you need to nurture the thing.

09:45

And this can get pretty extreme to where your babies are sleeping in your bed like with you and your husband, in between you two for years of your life, because the mom doesn't know how to say no to the baby.

10:03

So you can get kind of, if the mom's compassion and sensitivity, if there's no check on it, you can imagine how we got where we were in COVID, because you had feminine impulse of sensitivity and compassion with no check.

10:23

And then on the other end of it, you have the man, if he's left to his own end, he's going to turn his babies into Spartans who are fully capable of sword combat by the age of six months.

10:36

Honestly, that would be impressive at six months. That would be pretty scary. Who have basically successfully tamed all of their emotions by then at that point.

10:49

But it's just, I think what you need is you need both, like shock, scandal, and awe.

10:56

Like you do need both sexes here to, they're both pushing in different directions and you need both of those kind of impulses in order to really have a health, like a good parenting strategy.

11:10

If you only have the mom input, it's going to go a certain way. If you only have the dad input, it's going to go another way. And you really do need both in order to do this well.

11:17

So in order to handle crying babies, you need both men and women impulses on that, or else you're going to go in one of two ditches basically.

11:27

And most people can't handle hearing that you need the dad impulse because despite the fact that we've overturned the patriarchy, most people still think that infants are the province of women, which they are.

11:40

But then the thing is, you just need both impulses in order to do it well. Okay, so the title question is, should you always comfort a crying baby?

11:49

So what is your response specifically to that question? Yes or no?

11:56

No. No? Okay. I mean, it's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. It sounds pretty exhausting.

12:05

I mean, it's literally, like there's no way to do it, man. So if you're going to do, I mean, some babies are really easy and you may be able to pull it off, okay?

12:14

Yeah. But some babies are real hard. And like, if you try to do that plan, you're going to make everyone miserable.

12:23

Yourself, the baby, your husband. There are inconsolable clingy babies out there who will make your life miserable, you know?

12:30

So, and I mean, there are moms who try to do this kind of thing where, and you know, basically they're eating out like for a year.

12:38

They haven't bathed in months, you know, because the baby, they can't ever get the baby to stop crying, you know?

12:44

But you have to have some place to say, hey, I have to clean my house. I have to, I have other kids to feed, right?

12:50

I can't just order fast food every meal, right? Right. I have other kids to feed, so I'm going to have to -

12:56

Your other kids are going to turn into fat little chicken McNuggets. Right, and that's where like this, like a baby is, like, you know,

13:04

I brought up the concept of like, no, like you shouldn't, or should you strategically let a baby cry?

13:13

Yes, like child -centered home equals bad is kind of what I said. But like, I had like, you know, people on there basically saying that there's no such thing as a child -centered home.

13:24

That's just an abusive term that people use to sub -human, like to turn the babies into like, or to dehumanize their babies or whatever.

13:31

And it's just like, no, I mean, you have to have some category for it. Like a child -centered home is a real category that you have to acknowledge actually exist.

13:39

Like meaning, like, I mean, let's say you have three kids and the other kids have to eat and the baby's crying. What are you going to do?

13:46

Do you accept upon yourself this moral obligation that whenever the baby is crying, you have to figure out what to do?

13:52

Or are you gonna feed the rest of your family, right? And so sometimes like love for your family means that you have to say no to baby.

14:00

And I'm sorry, like, it's just the way it works, you know? So I think like when babies are - Gotta let that sucker cry, huh? I mean, it's either that or, you know, you better be made of money because you're gonna be eating out every meal, you know, and everyone's gonna get fat, you know?

14:13

So like the thing is, like, there's more commands that God has given us than one.

14:20

And what's happening here is that this one command is taking over life, right? And I think there's certainly a place for like the baby crying, taking over, like taking a very big place.

14:31

I mean, particularly like before they're sturdy, you know? Like in the first few months, like when they're...

14:37

But I mean, you know, honestly, like during the early months they just sleep all the time anyways, you know?

14:45

So - They do. They sleep a lot. They sleep all the time, they don't move, they don't do hardly anything.

14:51

I mean, yeah, I mean, it feels like you're constantly doing stuff because every couple of hours you're feeding them for 30 minutes or something.

14:57

But then for the other hour and a half, they're sleeping, you know, that's the way it typically works. So, but I mean, so when they're young like that, yeah,

15:05

I think you need, like everything can be put on hold. Everyone can wait, you know, for your 30 minutes until the baby passes out again, whatever, fine.

15:12

Like everyone can, you know, life can revolve more around baby for a little bit. But once they get sturdy, you know, once they're sitting up, once they're starting to get mobile, once they can hold their head up without doing all this stuff, you know, the bobblehead stuff, like at a certain point, it's just like, you're gonna have to be okay.

15:28

You're changed, you're fed, right? You're changed, you're fed, you're not sick.

15:34

And I gotta take a shower, okay? You know, I haven't taken a shower in three days. I have to take a shower.

15:39

You're changed, you're fed, you're not sick. You're not hurt. You're not hurt. Like, you're gonna have to be okay because I have to cook your brother and sister food because I can't keep on buying

15:48

McDonald's every meal, you know? So you're gonna have to be okay. You're gonna, you know, you're gonna have to be fine.

15:54

Like, you know, unless you just have like no standard of homemaking whatsoever that you're shooting for.

16:00

And, you know, basically you've chucked everything that it means to be like a homemaker.

16:06

You know, you've reduced it to basically a baby comforter. Like, there are other things in life that you have to take care of.

16:12

And so baby's gonna have to learn to be okay sometimes, for sure. So if the baby starts crying and you leave the baby, are you a failure as a parent if you let them cry?

16:25

This is assuming, like, they're not hurt, you know? They're nothing like that. They're just crying because they're a baby.

16:32

Are you a failure? A lot of moms feel like that, you know? No, no, I mean,

16:38

I'm asking it kind of, you know, like I'm obviously making a bit of a joke out of the question, but the reality is a lot of people feel that way.

16:46

And I think there's even pressure from, you know, from just society in general to like, and there's an expectation that you almost kind of feel like you are a failure if your baby cries, especially if you're in public.

17:01

Yeah, yeah. All right, so I mean, I think you're, depending on what we're talking about, you know, I think the first few months of baby's life, they require a lot more attention and time.

17:13

And, you know, I think - It's just real sporadic, right? Yeah, it's just real sporadic.

17:19

But I think the more that you're, the more sturdy they get, you know.

17:24

I think around six months, like six months to eight months, like right around that range, you should be able to tell the difference between different types of cries, right?

17:35

Yeah. Like, you know, at that point, like the baby should be able to like not have to be constantly attached to your person, you know, every single moment in order to be okay, you know.

17:47

And if you're allowing that, you're, you know, you're doing the baby a little bit of a disservice. And so I think what people hear is like, if the baby's crying, like their mind instantaneously goes to the idea of just let the baby cry, like cry it out kind of thing, right?

18:04

So just like, so what you're saying is just let the baby cry for three hours in a row and, you know, because you want to be on your phone or something like that, right?

18:12

And I would say, if that's why you're letting the baby cry for three hours so that you can be on your phone, then yeah, you're a bad parent, okay?

18:20

You're a bad parent, yes. And you failed, yeah, sure. So like the point of what we're talking about is not like letting the baby cry just so you can be selfish, right?

18:30

Yeah, not neglecting them. Yeah, so that's not what we're talking about.

18:35

But I mean, there are things you're called to do besides comfort a baby. And the more that you, like they move beyond like newborn phase, like you are having to transition away from like, like you get all of the attention, the attention in the home to now, you're gonna have to take a more reasonable spot of attention here, right?

18:59

And then, you know, by the time you're one years old or whatever, it's like you gotta exercise a little more independence than you did when you were, you know, two weeks old here, you know?

19:10

So like the issue though is that like, yes, I think if you're just like ignoring your baby, like, you know, men do this more than women, but like, you know, if I can, like if a man is in charge of the baby and, you know, he'll, you know, have something he wants to do, whether looking at his phone or the

19:27

TV or whatever, some game or whatever, you know, and the wife is asking him to watch the baby and, you know, he's like, all right, tries to comfort him for, you know, 30 seconds in a rushed way.

19:39

It's like, oh, not working, right? Just put him on the ground, just let him scream, you know, or put him in the crib and let him scream so that he can get back to the other thing.

19:45

I think that's just being a bad parent, you know? Like, I think you make a real effort to try to comfort the baby is, but then you have other things that you have to do, you know, and so I think that you have to be able to make distinctions between like letting a baby cry for 15 minutes while you make lunch for the family, you know, like letting the baby cry for 15 minutes so you can take a shower kind of thing, you know, and then you check on them to make sure they're okay, you know, like, mommy loves you, daddy loves you, you know, you're gonna have to be okay for a few minutes, rub their head, you know, all right, we have other things we have to do, you know, and then, like,

20:24

I think there's strategic times where you just, like, practically, if you're gonna do everything God's called you to do without, like, hiring a live -in nanny or a maid or something like that, like, you're gonna have to, like, the baby's gonna have to be okay for 15 minutes at a time or, you know,

20:40

I mean, there are times where, like, the babies are just completely inconsolable and they're screaming at you, they're, you're trying to get them to be comforted, there's nothing you're doing that's working, they're grabbing your skin and hitting you and mad, you know, and at a certain point, like,

20:57

I think both men and women need to, like, if you're starting to get frustrated, you go put the baby down, you know, put the baby down, you, like, shut the door, take a deep breath, you know, go pray for a few minutes, come back and try again, you know, in another 15 minutes, but everyone has to have some sort of category for letting the baby cry for a few minutes and, you know, and trying again, and if they're just completely inconsolable, then, like, you, that may be your routine for a little bit, but.

21:24

It feels like, it feels like you've got some kind of distinction in your mind between basically, like, a newborn all the way up to, you know, give or take, like, six months or something like that.

21:40

Maybe that's not where you wanna put the distinction exactly, but it seems like you're making a distinction between, like, that newborn, you know, infant baby kind of stage and then the more, like, you know, grown -up baby kind of stage, like, six months to, like, a year, maybe, where you're treating the crying of those two types of babies differently.

22:10

That's just the impression I'm getting listening to you. So, is that the case?

22:17

Like, are you saying, you know, hey, when they're a newborn, when they're a baby, you go to them when they're crying, but then that's different when they, you know, when they're able to sort of move around on their own and prop themselves up and whatnot.

22:35

Is that what you're saying, or are you saying, no, actually, you treat them the same way, it's just, you know, infant babies are more sporadic and, you know, because they need to eat every two hours, basically, and they eat for about, yeah, like, you know, maybe 15 minutes at the very least and 30 minutes at the most.

22:59

So, what exactly are you saying there? Are there two categories where you do treat them differently or are they only treated different in terms of the frequency at which they need certain things?

23:13

Yeah, I mean, obviously, like, you know, like, a little baby comes out of the mother's womb very dependent and unable to do anything for itself whatsoever, right?

23:22

So, like, it just sits there. It can't even hold its neck up, right? Like, meaning, like, you know, if you were to take a little one -month -old baby and put it on its stomach and its face is, like, buried into the sheet or something, it's not gonna be able to move.

23:39

Yeah, and the baby, I mean, would probably die, you know? Yeah, so, like, what you're talking about, you're talking about something very helpless, you know, at that point, and then, at a certain point, yeah, obviously, like, by the time they're three years old or two years old, right, by the time they're two years old, if you're still carrying them around in a...

24:00

Right, yeah. Like, a little carrying a sack or whatever everywhere you go. You're letting them down as a parent.

24:07

You've let them down. I mean, so, meaning, like, they should, you know, they obviously, they're transitioning from, like, completely helpless to then, like, they go through the different stages, right, where they can crawl, and they can move, and they can walk, and all of our kids now, basically, are, most of our kids right now, we have five, are, they're almost all kind of self -sufficient in certain ways, right?

24:35

I mean, you still have to kind of get, I mean, they can open the refrigerator up and grab their drink bottle and things like that now.

24:42

I mean, not, like, baby bottle bottle, but you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Like, so, most of them are, like, they can all use the bathroom themselves, okay?

24:51

Uh -huh. And, you know, kind of care for their basic kind of needs at this point.

24:57

So, we're kind of at that point in parenting. But, so, the issue then is just, like, how quickly are you going from, like, a completely helpless little baby into a, like, you gotta be okay for a little bit kind of thing.

25:13

Does that make sense? Yeah. So, I mean, I think with a newborn, like, I think you're, the mom's impulses are gonna be just off the charts.

25:24

Like, nurture, baby's crying, figure out what's wrong. And a lot of times, you just, it's hard to know at first, right?

25:30

Yeah. It's a lot more confusing, but then - It's kind of like trial and error, and then you hope something works.

25:36

Now, once you have a few, you get it down to where it's not nearly as mysterious anymore, right?

25:41

What's going on? Like, so, even when they're younger. But, you know, what I'm basically trying to say, though, is that, like, when they're really helpless and really young like that, and they're screaming, and, like, they don't have a lot of impulse control, they don't have, like, you have lower expectations for them.

26:00

But then there's still kind of a place, even when they're young like that, to say, hey, I've fed you, and I gotta step away for 10 minutes here to feed the rest of your family so they don't die, right?

26:11

Yeah. And, like, so, like, let's say you have a really colicky baby who's crying all the time.

26:16

There's still kind of categories to do the kind of things I'm saying. But I think, Tip, but what I'm trying to say is, like, you, like, you are growing in kind of a, like, if at one year's old you're still carrying that baby around everywhere you go because they're inconsolable without mom, and, like, you're doing something wrong, okay?

26:39

Mm -hmm. Like, so, what you need to be doing is, like, the heavier they're getting, the more stable they're getting, the more they're, like, more mobile they're getting and all that, like, they do have to learn to, like, be okay, right?

26:56

It's, like, this is a project to teach them to be okay and not have to be joined to the mom nonstop, okay?

27:04

Yeah. It's just a matter of how long does that take, right? And so, it may be that, like, as a little baby you carry them around in a swing, like, in a sling or whatever, and they're comforted that way, and you can get things done, and you can do that.

27:18

But, I mean, once you're getting around six months or, you know, seven months, you should have, the baby should not be glued to your hip everywhere you go.

27:26

They have to be okay, you know? So, now, I mean, those are arbitrary numbers. I mean, those are, they're not completely arbitrary numbers, but I'm not, like, sold on the numbers.

27:34

I'm just saying, once you start having a baby who's heavy, you know, and gonna give you back problems and, like, is interfering with what you're doing, you know, at some point you have other things that God's called you to do besides just tote a baby around everywhere you go.

27:49

Yeah, especially when you start thinking about you're getting into the, you know, like, the eight month, you know, around eight months or so, you're starting to get back into, like, the,

27:59

I could be pregnant at any moment here, you know? Right. And so, trying to tote around, essentially, two babies at that point.

28:08

Yeah, I mean, if you wanna give yourself back problems and permanently and all that, like, at some point you just have to say, hey, but I think you should be training your baby all along the way just to be okay, you know?

28:19

To not just have to, like, I always think it's, like, I always thought it was a problem as a, like, a husband when the baby never wanted me and only wanted mom.

28:32

Like, I would declare war on that. I would say, no, we're gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get you used to me, you know?

28:38

And we're gonna, like, you can cry at me all you want. You know, I'll figure you out. You know, that kind of thing.

28:45

I'll break you, you know? Like, I'll break your stubborn will. You'll learn to like me, you know?

28:52

But I wasn't content with just, like, I wanted to be helpful, like, and give my wife a break.

28:58

And I mean, I like babies too, so whatever, you know? So, I wasn't content with just, like, let her deal with it kind of thing.

29:07

It's like, no, I want you to not have to be dependent on mom everywhere you go in order to be okay.

29:14

Like, and you need to learn to get used to other people. And I'm another person you need to get used to, you know?

29:20

And so, but yeah, that's part of it. So, oh, did you have more you wanted to say?

29:26

No, I'm basically just saying, I just think the more sturdy they're getting, the more, like, around that six, you know, you know, around that six -month kind of area, they're sturdy, they're stable.

29:39

Starting to become a little more independent. Yeah, and you know, they have to learn that they can't be, you know, attached to mom all the time.

29:47

I mean, they're just, they're a sinner too, you know, just like everyone else. So, basically, the long and short of it is, you know, at every stage, there needs to be some sort of, like, okay, you've just got to cry for now, you know?

30:01

It just, it might look different in terms of, you know, how long you let them cry, you know, how often you check them, those kinds of things, right?

30:14

And it's hard to, in one sense, it is kind of hard to nail down, like, here's exactly what you do at this exact stage, just because all babies are different in terms of how they develop anyways.

30:31

So, it's hard to give, like, a full -on blanket statement that perfectly fits every single scenario.

30:39

Right, so what you have in the background of this discussion is, like, the baby -wise kind of discussion, where you have books that are basically training the baby to sleep train, you know?

30:48

And so, they promise that the baby will be able to sleep through the night in the first few weeks of, like, infancy or whatever.

30:57

And so, and then what is happening is, you're letting the baby cry for long periods of time in order to kind of get them used to crying it out, right?

31:05

And so, what's happening is, there's a lot of moms who viscerally react against, like, that baby -wise approach.

31:13

And, like, and then, when everything that we're talking about, they're hearing through that lens, basically.

31:19

Yeah. Of, like, cry it out for three hours kind of thing, where I'm, we're talking about, like, stepping away for 15 minutes.

31:26

Right, yeah. And, yeah, coming back and, you know, just checking on to make sure they're okay, and, you know, so not just neglectful hours.

31:35

But so, there's, like, that approach, and then there's a lot of, you know, moms who are tying that to biology, basically, and saying, hey, that's very unhealthy for them to be sleeping through the night that early, because they need to eat every few hours.

31:48

All that. So, you have that kind of discussion that's live in this, you know, and I don't, there's people who obviously have done that, and they didn't kill their babies, right?

32:01

Sure, yeah. I can, it worked, you know. There's a guy on Twitter who basically said that he was a single parent, because his wife had died, and he was, you know, he had the newborn baby, and, you know, by the time, like, he had resisted, like, letting the baby cry it out until he was about a year old, or whatever.

32:24

The baby was about a year old, and at that point, he was just getting so little sleep, and he had to work, and he had all this stuff, you know, he was like, all right,

32:31

I'm done, you know? So, you're gonna cry it out, you know? And so, you know, at the year mark, like, he said the first night, the baby cried for, like, two and a half hours.

32:41

The second night, the baby cried for an hour and a half. And then, the third night, the baby slept through the night.

32:48

You know? And so, he took his stand, you know? He made it, you know, and I think that, like -

32:53

And the Lord delivered him, huh? Yeah, the Lord delivered him. And I think that, like, there has to be some kind of sanity introduced into this discussion along those lines, where, like, there is a place to make a stand at some point, you know?

33:05

To where - You gotta pull the helms deep on them. Yeah, yeah, and I don't know that, like, you know, if you don't have any category for doing it at a year, you know, then you're way too hyper, you know?

33:18

I mean, I guess it makes sense to say, you know, like, as a newborn, you can't let them sleep through the entire night.

33:27

I mean, I remember the doctors would tell us, you know, if the baby doesn't wake up after, like, two hours since their last feeding, or what,

33:37

I can't remember - Wake them up, yeah, wake them up. Wake them up and feed them, because they have to eat. So, I understand that, but then -

33:44

I think, I will tell you, I will tell you, I'm not taking a, we didn't do the baby wipes thing.

33:49

Okay. We didn't. I know a lot of couples who did, particularly in seminary, they did it, and I'm not throwing stones at them.

33:57

You know, I think a lot of women, like, react really out, like, like, ballsy red, kind of, at that approach.

34:07

But, I mean, it worked for a lot of people, you know, and it wasn't what they thought, you know? So, I'm not, we didn't actually do that ourself.

34:16

But then, I don't, we didn't religiously wake our baby up every two hours, either.

34:22

We kind of just, like, what we did with our five kids, practically, was we just, if they started crying, we would, you know,

34:30

Elizabeth would go feed them. But then, and I would tell men, don't feed your baby at night.

34:39

So, we're not talking about that. Men, specifically? Is that what you're getting at? Yeah, that's stupid.

34:45

Yeah. That's just stupid, you know? Like, you have a job that you have to go to, you know?

34:54

And if you're gonna go, if you're gonna make yourself, like, getting up every few hours at night, like, you could lose your job because you're, you know, like, this is something that God has called your wife to do.

35:06

And she is, you know, she has the ability to stay at home and not operate, not be driving cars around.

35:16

Yeah, there's different expectations and different responsibilities for it. Also, it makes more sense for the wife to be the one doing that, right?

35:23

Yes, it does. So, but with our kids, we generally let them sleep as long as they want to sleep, give or take.

35:31

You know, maybe when they're really small, we wake them up a little bit, you know? But the more that you do that, the more that you're sleep -deprived, and pretty soon you can't do it, you know?

35:40

Yeah. You just let them, and once they cry, they, you have a baby monitor, they wake you up, and you, you know, and I would encourage, you know, parents to not just have the baby in the room indefinitely, too, because it just, if you want everyone to not sleep for the first, you know, six months of your life, like, you know, there was points where we just, like, hey, we gotta get the baby out of here, okay?

36:06

Okay, we're gonna go crazy. I'm evicting the baby. We have a baby monitor, we have to get the baby out of here, or else, you know,

36:15

I'm gonna lose my job, okay, kind of thing, and so, like, so there's that, but anyways,

36:24

I mean, like, I'm not throwing stones at anyone who goes, like, the baby -wise approach, or whatever, but, and I have not known any babies who died of it, you know, so, like,

36:36

I think a lot of the, this stuff is a little bit, there's a lot of emotion attached to it, and less facts that are attached to it, but,

36:44

I mean, I think, like, I'm not advocating either way. You know, we didn't go that route ourself, and, but,

36:53

I mean, I think whatever we're talking about, we're not even talking about that. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

37:00

So, with this topic, in general, are there any specific places in scripture that are motivating the answer that we're giving, in terms of should you always comfort a crying baby?

37:13

Yeah, I mean, I think there, I think one of the things that you have to understand is the

37:18

Bible does say that children are conceived in iniquity, right? So, children come into the world with a sin nature.

37:26

I mean, if you read through, you know, Augustine's Confessions, it's really funny, because Augustine, he has a whole chapter on confessing the sins of his infancy, okay?

37:36

People, hey, look, you know, and I've been thinking about, we need to do just, we've talked about it, but we need to do just a full -blown episode on it at some point, is people are really opposed to the idea that babies can be sinful.

37:51

Have a sin nature. Yeah, well, Augustine didn't agree, you know, so he confessed the sins of his infancy, and, you know, what he did was he was looking around and he's seeing babies, like, angrily crying, you know, for their mother's milk, and,

38:03

I mean, you can see that babies have, like, anger, you know? You can kind of tell they're, yeah, they're self -centered, they're angry, they can be needy, they can be clingy, they can be, like, they're sinners, right?

38:14

And so part of what you have to do when you're thinking about a baby is you have to think, you're treating them as a moral being.

38:20

You're not just treating them as, like, a blank slate, like, little angel baby or whatever. You're treating them as a moral being, and, like, if you just let your baby, like,

38:30

I always, like, with our kids, I would always, like, with our family in particular, like, when we go to visit our family,

38:37

I would, like, you know, your family wants to hold your baby, and if you don't train your baby to be used to other people, like, you're kind of depriving your in -laws of, like, the joy of being around babies and, like, loving babies, and, you know, so, like, when

38:53

I would come into my family's house, I would just say, hey, here's the baby, and I'm gonna, we're gonna get away and let you have an opportunity to hold the baby, you know?

39:02

But part of that was for, like, their benefit, like my family, but then the other part of that was for the baby's benefit of, like, not being so clingy.

39:10

Does that make sense? Yeah. Like, learning to, like, get used to other people and not just, like, there's only one person that I feel safe and comfortable with.

39:18

Like, that's part of just training, like, their character, because you can do that from an early age. I mean, like,

39:23

I teach my kids how to talk to people, right? Yeah. And, like, have a conversation with adults, and they can do that because they've,

39:31

I'm not just gonna let them be, like, the, you know, shy, like, just afraid of people kind of people, you know?

39:40

I'm not gonna feed that in them. So, I mean, the Bible says they're conceived in, like, iniquity, and, like, there's, like, the chief end of man is not just, like, the happiness of a baby, okay?

39:51

So, you have to think about it this way. God, essentially, like, chief end of man is that we glorify

39:59

God. So, God's the one who calls the shots, and, like, His commands are the ones that go, and He's the one that calls, like,

40:05

He's the one that makes the rules. And there's more to life than just, like, what happens in this kind of discussion is, essentially, you have, most of the time, it's a mom.

40:17

Like, most of the time, it's just a mom who, like, thinks that the sum total of faithfulness is to keep baby happy.

40:24

And most of the time, it's not for baby, it's for her. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. Like, it's not for baby, it's more because she can't handle, like, she hasn't learned patience and kindness and long -suffering and gentleness, and, like, she hasn't learned to be yelled at, you know?

40:39

So, I mean, I've counseled plenty of moms who, like, the babies are screaming at them and hollering at them, and they're taking it personal, you know, and, like, why is the baby so mad at me?

40:48

And, you know, and then they're, and it's just, like, they just want it to stop because it's, like, making them go crazy.

40:53

Just, like, you need to learn self -control, and you need to learn perseverance, right?

40:58

Like, you need, like, there's all these, you need to learn long -suffering, like, you need to learn these fruits of the spirit, and, like, this is an opportunity for you to grow in your character, and this is an opportunity for you to let, like, baby know that, like, baby is not the center of the universe for everyone, and that God's the center of the universe, and, like, sometimes he has things that, like, are, he's called you to do, and so,

41:20

I mean, like, there's any number of mommy blogs out there who basically just, like, hey, yeah, baby's crying, you comfort the baby, and they haven't cleaned their house in, like, a year or two, and they don't care, you know?

41:32

And it's just, like, yeah, you're not the excellent wife, though, like, you know what I'm saying? But you're letting - Yeah, like, you're ignoring, you're elevating one of your responsibilities as a wife over every other responsibility.

41:45

Right, and so what you want to do is you want to be balanced as a wife and a mother and a homemaker, right? Like, you want to be balanced.

41:51

You can't let this baby get in the way of, like, all of your domestic responsibilities.

41:58

Can't let this baby get in the way of all your responsibilities to your other kids. You can't let this baby get in the way of all your responsibilities to your husband to where, basically, like, your husband is off limits to you for years at a time because you have a baby shield in a way that needs to be with you at every single moment.

42:16

And then the whole, you know, like, you're permanently attached to this baby, and, like, the husband just needs to, like, give you your space, right?

42:25

And everything revolves around, like, baby's crying, you know, don't wake baby up. And, you know, it's like, you gotta move.

42:34

You have other things that you're called to do besides just take care of the baby. So when you're thinking about that, like, you're thinking about God's giving us a bunch of commands, not just one.

42:43

And then this is a moral being. This is a moral being that you have to shepherd their heart the best you know how.

42:51

And try to, you know, and so there's just a lot that goes into it. Yeah, so, like, when you look at Proverbs 31, you know, you're basically ignoring a lot of that stuff in order to make sure that the baby cries as little as possible, right?

43:12

Yeah, and so, but then, like, what people hear then, like, and this is what, like, if you're imbalanced and you're listening to this and you're screaming at me right now in your mind, what, and screaming at Harrison right now, what you've heard though is, like, you're unable to distinguish between the first few weeks of having a baby and six months later, right?

43:35

Your house shouldn't be, like, if you have one baby, your house shouldn't be a permanent wreck for the first year of that baby's life.

43:42

If it is, you're doing something wrong, right? Like, in no amount of going on your, you know, going online and making a mommy blog with all of your, you know, pictures of your house being a mess is going to impress anyone, like, but just the kind of women who are sloths at their job.

44:01

So, like, yeah, I mean, sure, you just get out of the hospital, you're recovering from a C -section, let everything go, you know?

44:09

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I mean, obviously, you know, yeah, it's all gonna be a mess, who cares? But, like, you know, by the time you're about a month in, you should be able to figure out what you're doing, okay?

44:20

Right, yeah, and even if, you know, once you get, like, to the year mark and they're really able to start moving around on their own, you should honestly be, you know, beginning to focus on how do

44:35

I teach my children to, you know, even help me, like, right? So, like, not help, obviously, in terms of, like, all right, we're gonna do the laundry now, you know, and, like, expect them to load the -

44:47

Not like that, but, you know, like, hey, we gotta pick, you know, start picking up our toys, right?

44:55

Or we've gotta wipe down our, we have, like, this little, like, play table that our daughter uses to eat at, and it's because it's her size and it's pretty small.

45:09

And, you know, one of the things we do is from, I mean, like, basically, as soon as we got it and she was able to use it, we're teaching her to clean it after using it, right?

45:23

And so, as you're progressing, you should be doing that stuff anyways, which, theoretically, you know, will begin to, as they get older and older, they'll begin to help lessen the burden more and more on you.

45:38

And so, and I think that's something that's neglected a lot in this, even in this kind of discussion, is a lot of people just kind of assume children are, like, useless.

45:50

You know what I mean? Like, they're just totally incapable of doing anything. And honestly, like, that's just not true.

45:58

It's just not true. Like, our baby, our oldest is, you know, right over two years old, and she does plenty of things to help around the house.

46:10

Now, does she always do them perfectly? No, no. No. Well, that's what people are afraid of.

46:15

They're afraid of, like, if you let them do anything, they're not gonna do it perfect. And it's like, yeah, but it's gonna take longer.

46:21

It's like, yeah, it does, but it bears fruit later. And you're teaching them character. Absolutely, yeah. What I always tell people is, with those kinds of things, like, you're playing a very long game, right?

46:34

If you expect them to do it perfectly right away, then you're gonna be let down every single time.

46:40

And so, you just have to be okay with, they're probably gonna, you know, they're gonna do it worse than you. A lot of times, they're gonna make an even bigger mess than what was already there.

46:51

But the payoff comes in the form of, you know, at a much, I mean, much earlier age, they're able to do a lot more than other children, you know, other children who weren't raised that way.

47:04

And so, I think that is a, obviously, when we're getting in that discussion, we are getting more into like, hey, they're two, they're three, four, five, six.

47:13

So, it is a bit of a separate discussion in one sense. But I think it is important.

47:20

And I don't think very many people really think that way. I mean, I interact with, you know, with my job.

47:28

I interact with kindergartners all the way through high schoolers. And I can tell you that most of them have never, ever been treated like they are capable of doing anything on their own.

47:39

It's pretty terrible. But anyways, okay. So, we're talking about like, hey, if you're the person who's saying you can't just let your baby cry, you have to always tend to your baby, then essentially, you're gonna inevitably, because you only have 24 hours in a day, and you need to sleep, and you need to eat, and you need to take, you know, you need to bathe and things like that.

48:05

You're never gonna, your house is never gonna be taken care of. Your other children are never gonna be taken care of.

48:13

You're not gonna be able to teach them the way that you should be. You're not gonna be able to have your own quiet times, have your own, you know, study time with the

48:23

Lord. You're just gonna be neglecting a lot of other things, right? So, we're not saying there's some kind of command that's like, thou shalt not let the baby cry.

48:32

I mean, thou shalt let the baby cry, right? But there's not a command that you, there's no command to comfort every baby who is crying either.

48:43

Right, right, and so we have to look at it and say, well, what are all of the commands? We gotta do them all, yeah.

48:49

Now, I think there are babies that are easier than others, and sometimes I think, you know, parents who, there may be like a mom who could say, hey, don't ever wake a sleeping baby up, and don't, and always comfort a crying baby, who has the easiest baby in the world, right?

49:03

Sure, yeah, yeah. And like, who's not very demanding and not very, I mean, some of our kids are more demanding and needy and clingy than others, and so not all babies are the same.

49:13

So, you may be able to get away with that if you have like a really easy baby, but sometimes some of them aren't, you know?

49:19

And so, but I mean, even then though, like you can make an idol, like just an idol out of this baby crying, and a lot of ladies are very tempted to do that.

49:32

Making an idol out of this baby crying, to the point where it's just like, you know, someone makes too much noise and wakes the baby up, and then, you know, the lady just loses her mind on everyone else, right?

49:46

And because it's just like, she's just making this sleep, baby sleep thing way too important, okay?

49:54

I mean, like all this, they all grow up, okay? They all grow up.

50:03

I mean, they do. You know, and I kind of like to make fun of young parents sometimes, you know, because like of all the developmental milestones and things like that, right?

50:14

And some of it is kind of funny to me because it's like, well, you need to give them their tummy time or else they're not gonna be able to, you know, learn to get their neck muscles.

50:23

And, you know, I remember with one couple, I just looked at him and I was like, you know, like, do you know any adults that don't have like Parkinson's disease?

50:31

Their necks go like this, you know? It's like, no. So at some point they all figure out how to hold their head up, huh?

50:41

Like it happens, you know? So I think that like some people can just like get way too attached to like these routines.

50:49

And it's like, you know, fussy, grumpy baby can just be like blown way out of proportion to where it's like, it's okay for them to be grumpy.

50:57

And like, it's great to have routines but don't turn your routines into idols where you're just like, every, you know, you can't interact with your church members because it's nap time, you know?

51:09

And you can't do that. You know, it's just like at some point you gotta let go of some of that. And just, it's all right.

51:15

Fussy baby never killed anyone, you know? It just makes everyone miserable, you know?

51:22

But it doesn't have to. I mean, you can get used to it and you're fine. I think you bring up a good point in that it's very tempting to think, because especially when the baby is new and just born, it's very tempting to think that, assuming the baby is like in normal health, it's very tempting to think that they're,

51:45

I mean, as fragile as, you know, whatever is the most fragile thing that you could ever hold, right?

51:52

And every way, and I mean, you know, in some ways they are. Obviously they're a lot more fragile than any adult is or, you know, even a child that's two or three years old.

52:04

So it's not like there's no difference, but then they, I mean, it's a lot harder to, it's a lot harder to break a baby than you might think.

52:14

You know, assuming you're not like shaking them or something, they're not like just totally made of glass.

52:23

And so they're not going to die, you know, if they don't get their need met right away in that moment.

52:31

So what people do is, and this is really funny because like with what you're talking about, but they go to like these studies of, you know, like the

52:39

Russian orphanages or whatever, where the baby's like died of a broken heart after crying for, you know, months straight with no one to hold them, you know?

52:46

And like some babies just need to be held, you know? And like there's going to be permanent psychological damage to that baby, they're not going to,

52:53

I could, but it's like, you have to be able to make distinctions between that scenario and letting your baby cry for 10 minutes so you can take a shower.

53:03

Like these are not comparable. Like if the entire - I don't mean to laugh at the, I'm not laughing at the, you know, the baby dying, because obviously that's terrible.

53:12

I'm laughing at the parent who, yeah, who can't. On my Twitter poll, there were some, there were women who could not make that distinction, right?

53:21

Like, it's just like, you know, studies have shown psychologically that, you know, there's, it's like, we're talking about letting a baby cry for 15 minutes.

53:29

You think that you're going to permanently scar them for life and they're going to suffer from mental disorders because they cry for 15 minutes.

53:35

Like you think the entirety of your parenting from now until 18 is just going to be thrown into the dumpster because your baby cried for 10 minutes so you could take a shower.

53:44

You need to wake up, you know? Like, come on, like, this is crazy. Like, this is like, this is lady sensibilities on crack.

53:51

Like, wake up. Like, this is not the way it works. This is not a rush. Like, your baby's not going to die because you took a shower.

54:00

Come on. Oh, oh my goodness.

54:06

Yeah, that's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. You need to,

54:11

I guess if you're there, like, you've got a serious problem. If you can't let the baby cry.

54:19

I didn't know people were saying that. I was caught a bit off guard by that.

54:24

No, they are. I mean, no, but what happens is like, you have like men, men are like, this is, they understand this conversation by and large.

54:31

Men understand this and ladies don't. Which is why we're so qualified to have it. That's right. We are uniquely qualified to speak authoritatively.

54:39

So you need to, you need to listen to male voices and yeah, yeah, yeah, all that.

54:44

Yeah, yeah. So, but no, what's happening though is like, there's a lot of men who really are kind of selfish.

54:50

Okay. And so like, they're selfish and they're lazy. So you have a lot of husbands who are selfish and lazy.

54:56

And what's happening in this kind of discussion is they're like, hey, just let the baby cry, you know, because I want to do my thing.

55:01

Right. And, and then the guy can just tune it out. And then the lady looks at him like with, you know, the high pitched music in the background.

55:15

She's like looking at him like, like you monster. Right. Like, and so, and then she'll ask the husband to help, you know, so she can get a few things done because she, you know, kind of desires very strongly at break and he'll just kind of like, yeah, okay.

55:30

I'm watching it. And then the baby just crawls into another room and gets into trouble. She's exasperated at it because he's just lazy, you know?

55:36

So, and then, so if you're lazy, like, if you're a lazy husband who refuses to help your wife out and like you, you expect her to do all these things at once, you expect her to cook and clean and be intimate with you.

55:50

And, you know, all the while watching the baby, because you couldn't be bothered to help the baby, like watch the baby in a way that it's going to take her mind off of it.

55:59

Like, then what's happening is the guy's like, hey, just let the baby cry. And the woman is looking at him like you, you're worthless.

56:06

Right. So, she can't trust what he's saying because it seems to be motivated by self -interest.

56:12

It's not motivated by like, I got your back and this is right. You get what

56:17

I'm saying? It's like, it's not, it doesn't seem like it's motivated by, no, we have to like, we can't let this baby, like this inconsolable clingy baby, like dominate our lives.

56:30

Okay. Right. So, we're going to, we have to, we have to learn to do the things

56:36

God's called us to do. And we, like, we can't just let the baby terrorize everything.

56:42

Right. Yeah. So, like what's happening is a lot of women don't trust their husbands in those moments. I mean, in part because like a lot of women don't trust men, period.

56:52

Which is why we're uniquely qualified to talk about this subject right now. But a lot of women aren't trusting men, period.

56:58

But they don't seem to be motivated by, there's understandable reasons to ignore, like to look on their husband with suspicion in that moment.

57:10

But this really is, like, it really is a male -female kind of problem that we're talking about.

57:16

It really is a male -female kind of thing. Like in that men can tune it out a lot better than women and not let it bother them.

57:23

Right. Like that's a strength. Like men have a strength there that they can lend to their wife. Like in that it's like, honey, like that's what it means to encourage their wife, to give them courage and give them like mental toughness.

57:35

Right. To say, you can't let this affect you. You can't, like, we're not going to bow down to the baby cry at every single point.

57:44

We're going to put it in its right place. And we're going to, we have a lot of things that God's called us to do.

57:50

And we're not just going to eat fast food every meal because inconsolable baby, right?

57:56

Right. Like, and so there's like, I think there's a real place for men to come along and help their wives. Like, just know the obvious, like they're going to be okay.

58:05

They're not going to have permanent psychological damage if we let them cry for 10 minutes. Okay. Yeah. Like they're not going to die of a broken heart.

58:13

They're not going to die of a broken heart. Like you've read too many internet studies, you know? So like, it'll be right.

58:20

Okay. Like, and, and we're not doing that because we're lazy. We're doing that because like, like there's nothing either one of us can do right now, you know, to comfort this baby.

58:31

Right. Baby's unhappy. Yeah. So we need to take a step back here for a minute. Right.

58:36

Yeah. So final question, going along with the whole husband's thing, you know, obviously women have been given the primary responsibility of, of tending to the home, raising, raising the children.

58:51

Right. And then men have given, been given other responsibilities as their primary responsibilities.

58:58

So knowing that how often, if at all, should a husband help with a crying baby?

59:08

Yeah. I mean, I think, I think, yeah, it's obviously a lady's primary job.

59:14

I mean, I, I think if you're assuming, I mean, breastfeeding is kind of going out of style now because of the availability of formula and things like that.

59:27

Yeah. But I mean, there's still all sorts of scientific studies to show that you can raise your baby's IQ points by, you know, significant points by breastfeeding.

59:35

And then, um, you know, then you have all the carnivore people now who are basically saying that the formula is training them in effeminacy from early ages.

59:48

So maybe more evidence to, I don't know what to make of that, but, um, if you want to raise a little soy boy, give them formula.

01:00:00

You got a soy boy in the making over here. Now, now I've just done the ghastly thing of like shaming women for using formula, but I don't care.

01:00:08

No, but I think you got obviously designed breast milk. And like, so I think there's a sense in which like, like you could save a lot of money.

01:00:17

And like, this is how women did this throughout the history of the world. And so why are you spending all this money on formula when you can take care of it yourself?

01:00:25

If you just have the slightest amount of discipline and other centeredness. And, you know, that's not to say that sometimes it can't be hard and adjustment, but like, it is something that like in general, like a lady is going to of necessity have to, um, predict like before the advent of formula, this was not even an option.

01:00:44

Okay. Right. Like to a certain extent, meaning like, you know, regularly feeding and all that kind of stuff.

01:00:51

And, uh, so I think there's a, there's like, you're, I think like lady feeding the babies just should be a normal, like you're going to feed the baby.

01:00:59

Um, um, because you are equipped to do it kind of thing. Um, and like the fact that there's such a big trend now to where the guys are doing all the bottle feeding and doing it all hours at night, that's a very bad trend, you know, this reflecting poorly upon the ladies that, um, are out there.

01:01:19

And now, I mean, we couldn't, um, you know, we had a situation where our first child was airlifted by the helicopter to another hospital immediately after being born.

01:01:30

And, and, um, it, we, like, um, he was in the NICU for a week and trying to, like, it just didn't work, you know, with him.

01:01:39

But, um, but anyways, there are situations that I'm aware of, but, um, and know about the, where you might go to the bottle feeding route.

01:01:47

But I think in general, what I'm trying to say is like, there is a, like, this is your domain, this is your realm.

01:01:53

And I think, you know, men shouldn't be like tyrannical in it and just like, you know, coming in with a heavy hand, just like men can just like not understand, like the lady impulse to comfort the baby and just like come in at a heavy hand, just say, let the baby cry almost in like a tyrannical military way, which is not what

01:02:10

I'm talking about at all, you know, but I mean, when, once things start to get neglected, that's where you're stepping in and you're saying,

01:02:17

Hey, we're, you know, and even before that, just providing direction in general, I think there's places to say,

01:02:22

Hey, we have to take care of everything here. We have to have balanced life. But beyond that, I mean, I do think like you come home from work, um, you know,

01:02:31

I'm imagining just a standard traditional husband, wife kind of scenario. Like what in the world are you doing at that point?

01:02:37

That's so important where you can't like get used to your baby, get your baby accustomed to you, right?

01:02:45

Sure. Yeah. Like, I mean, if your wife is going to be cooking for you, like, which she should be, you shouldn't be eating fast food every meal or else you're going to look like it and waste a bunch of money as poor stewardship.

01:02:56

But I mean, like, what are you, what else do you have to do other than to hold your baby and get used to your baby and get your baby used to you?

01:03:03

And I mean, I do think like, I'm really kind of concerned with the kind of guy who just is like, yeah, you cook for me, you clean for me, you're intimate with me.

01:03:14

And, you know, like, I'm just going to like, let you take care of, like,

01:03:20

I can't, I'm so, you know, checked out of the home here that like, you're going to have to put your baby in a sling and take him everywhere you go because I just haven't gotten used to the baby yet, you know?

01:03:34

So like, that's just weird. Like, I mean, I think, what are you doing other than just like help out, you know? Right.

01:03:40

Like, like help out, like, meaning like, like this is, it's not even like, this is your child, you know?

01:03:48

It's your child too. You're supposed to love them. Yeah. So, I mean, I'm not,

01:03:53

I don't have a lot of patience for that kind of guy who's just like, now at the same time, there's a lot kind of lady who is just like, like, get this stupid baby away from me kind of thing.

01:04:07

You know, I've been fussing. Where it's just like, you better bottle feed them and you better change all their diapers and you better like, like, just keep them away from me or else

01:04:17

I'm going to go crazy. And at a certain point, like a guy in that kind of situation says, like, has to say, hey, you got to chill out, you know?

01:04:23

Like, you can't just let yourself be totally unsanctified because you're done with it, right? Yeah. You can't push it off entirely now that there's someone else to take it on.

01:04:32

Yeah. I mean, so like, it shouldn't be that, like, I mean, like, it shouldn't be that, you know, if you get home at five, from five o 'clock to 11 o 'clock, something really strange is happening if from five o 'clock to, you know, 10 o 'clock, whatever, that guy is the primary caregiver of that child, right?

01:04:51

Yeah. It's like, no, like, it should be more like, all right, let's both team take care of this.

01:04:58

But you're obviously, you know, have the biological equipment to bear more of this load.

01:05:03

But I'm going to like, use my brain and like, look at what's happening and you're cooking and let me get the baby away from you because I want to eat, you know?

01:05:13

That's the reason. Well, I mean, because I love you, I care about you. But I mean, it's like, come on, like, you have to like, use your brain, like, and be like, a lot of women are just looking at.

01:05:23

So what happens is like, a lot of women, men are just oblivious and just doing their own thing and just farting around, you know?

01:05:28

And like, so, you know, what happens is men and women are on a different schedule and like, women's work comes in and out, you know, guy's been working all day long.

01:05:39

So I think it's, you know, like, I get that like, our work hours a little bit different. You come home, it's a little bit different.

01:05:46

But like, if she's in the middle of like, work mode and you don't have anything better to do and baby is interfering with work mode, like, it's, use your brain, help out, you know, you know what

01:05:58

I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Now don't take it all on, you know, I would, I really get irritated by men who are getting up all night, bottle feeding a baby because a wife refutes the breastfeed.

01:06:10

That's not what I'm talking about. That's like, quit being afraid of your wife, you know, like, let her take that.

01:06:17

But, you know, I do think, help out, use your brain, be there, look at what's happening, you know?

01:06:27

Right. And, and you should love your kid and want to be around them and, you know, and like, show your wife how to do it too, you know?

01:06:33

Because a lot of times ladies can get real stressed out and frazzled when the baby is crying, but you could show them how to not be frazzled by it, you know?

01:06:42

Yeah. So I think the more sturdy they get, you know, I think, I think when their first few months, it may be that their mom territory, you know, but as they're getting older, they get more sturdy, you should be more, more, they're more interactive, you know, you should be doing more and more and more.

01:06:56

Okay. All right. Well, I think that's a good place to end this episode on.

01:07:02

And, and, you know, obviously, like we said, at the beginning of the episode, this is, this is one of those points of, of contention possibly for a lot of couples when it comes to having children to begin with, especially, especially in a day and age where, you know, it, it's more popular than ever for both parents to work, right?

01:07:25

And for the wife to, it's okay for the wife to neglect all of her biblical responsibilities that God has given to her.

01:07:35

And so it's very, it's very easy to go into a marriage and really not be on the same page when it comes to what do we do with our baby?

01:07:44

And how do we raise our baby? And what do we do when they cry? And it's a really bad idea to try and figure out what to do when they're crying, right in the middle of them crying, having never talked about it before.

01:07:58

Because it's very easy to get like frustrated in those moments. It's very easy to start thinking about yourself and how this impacts you as like we said, it's very easy for women to like get just frazzled at, at the loud noise constantly going off that they know they're responsible for.

01:08:16

And so this is a really important discussion to honestly, to have beforehand, not as like a deterrent to not have children, but just as like a,

01:08:26

Hey, look, we're, you know, God's called us to have children. And, and those children are going to cry and they're going to cry a lot.

01:08:34

They're going to cry all the time. They're going to cry for everything they need. And they're going to cry for things that they don't need to.

01:08:40

Right. And, and so you've got to figure out how do we handle this? How do we address it?

01:08:45

And I don't think the answer is just, you know, like you are now, you are now like the boss of our home, little small child, you know, you were,

01:08:54

I don't think that's the answer. Um, I mean, you obviously don't want to neglect them, you know, like the, the, the

01:09:02

Russian orphan or whatever it was that you, that you're referencing. You obviously don't want to do that.

01:09:08

But then yeah, if you can't, if, if you're the person who's listening to this and you're thinking to yourself,

01:09:14

I don't let my baby cry for 15 minutes, even, you know, then

01:09:19

I think you're, you're probably the kind of person that we're really talking to here and saying, Hey, it's okay.

01:09:25

It's okay to just let them cry for 15 minutes, you know, while you go clean the bathroom because you have to, you know, and, and so, so hopefully this has been, uh, an encouraging conversation for everyone listening.

01:09:37

Hope it hopefully it's been challenging for some people and, and maybe, you know, maybe, um, confirming for others, others who have looked back on the way that they've, uh, raised their children or are raising their children now and realize,

01:09:52

Hey, you know, I was going for this sort of balanced approach where, you know, you don't let them, you don't just neglect them for a whole day, but then you don't, you don't change everything about, you don't neglect all your other responsibilities just because the baby has just begun to cry too.

01:10:10

And so, so hopefully it's been encouraging for you guys. Like always, it's, it's a lot of fun to sit down and record these podcasts and talk about these things and, and even get to interact with you guys through, you know, email,

01:10:23

Facebook, um, Twitter and, and everywhere else we are YouTube even.

01:10:29

Um, and so, so we encourage you guys to, um, uh, continue to enter, interact with us.

01:10:35

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01:10:44

We appreciate all the support that you guys give to us week in and week out. So, uh, until the next episode, we'll see you.

01:11:17

by https://otter .ai