Betrayal is a Hard Pill to Swallow

Good morning. All right. We had a great first core group meeting on Friday. As this church has a vision and a mission to plant churches in Northwest Arkansas, we kicked off that first Bible study together.

We gathered together and shared kind of the update with them about where we are in the process. We read the Word together. We prayed together. We sang hymns together, psalms together. And it was a great time for us.

And so this is still a time where we're in a phase where we don't really know when we will start to meet as a new church body yet. It's an indeterminate amount of time. It could be two weeks. It could be three years.

But we're getting ready and we're asking God to provide the things that we need so that we can take this step. And so it's also a time when maybe you said, oh man, I didn't go to that. Maybe I'm still thinking about it.

I don't know what my role will be in helping fulfill the vision of this church as they're planting a new church. And so we're praying for you. And we're hoping that as God gives you answers to that question, that you might join us in that, whether in the staying or whether in the being sent out.

OK, so I just wanted to give you an update on that. We have started meeting and that's an exciting thing. This morning, I'm kind of sad we don't have crayons because this is such a great picture. In fact, one of the themes of today's passage is archery.

And as a good pastor, I wanted to make sure that I had a working knowledge of this. So Bill and I went and shot bow and arrows this week. Actually, this is a picture of Bill shooting a bow. I'm here behind the bush.

And that's Xavier. He always goes with us as well. So just wanted to let you guys know that. And take those home, kids, and color those up. Bring them back and we'll hang them up on the wall. Oh, no. All of our coloring sheets are not on the wall anymore.

We'll have to put them back up there, won't we? I enjoy having that and seeing all of your work each week. Now, this morning, the title of our sermon in 1 Samuel 20 is betrayal is a hard pill to swallow.

Betrayal, Sin, and the Pain of Broken Relationships

And as I speak about betrayal this morning, it is a reality for all of us. It's a reality for all of us because we live in a sinful world and sin brings death. That's what Romans 3 says. The wages of sin is death.

And it includes all kinds of death, including but certainly not limited to relational death. Sin kills relationships. And then sin kills us sometimes through those relationships, bringing pain and brokenness and often bitterness.

And many of us carry that emotional pain as festering wounds or old scars. I think culturally, this is one of those areas that we've been taught, even us who go to church, that this is an area where we can double down.

And we can double, double, double down, right? To the point where if somebody offends us, we don't just want justice. We've been taught we want to destroy that person. We want to cut them off. We want to just ground their name into the mud.

In our story today, we're going to see betrayal. We're going to see how David and Jonathan and even Saul, how they deal with betrayal. And we would be wise today as a church to see what happens in the story and commit ourselves to a righteous path when we feel betrayed.

So chapter 20 is really one big discussion between David and Jonathan as they're trying to come to the same understanding, the same knowledge about what's happening with Saul. They disagree on the answer to a very simple question.

Does Saul wish to kill David? And David says, uh-huh. And Jonathan goes, no, no, can't be. And it's crazy that Jonathan doesn't immediately agree with the obvious truth that we as the readers of this text, we already know, right?

And it's understandable. It's understandable because when it comes to us and when it comes to sin within our own family, sometimes we choose to be blind. We don't want to see. We don't want to see the realities that are obvious to everyone else around us.

And when we are betrayed, we're just like, la, la, la, la, la, la. I don't want to know. I don't want to accept it because the closer the relationship is to us, the deeper and more, the deeper the hurt because we're so vulnerable to the truth of betrayal.

So we hide our heads in the sand. Betrayal is also often unseen because of lies, because of things that are hidden and not disclosed. And we'll see that in the text, and I will bring out all the times that it says hidden in verse 20.

So that realization that this process that Jonathan is going through is hard. And then once we come to that realization, we have to figure out how to deal with the pain. We all have to figure out how to deal with the pain because we all have been betrayed, and we all will be betrayed.

And some allow that pain to fester, and they expect everyone in their lives to betray them. But that's really no way to live because we're created for community. We need life-giving relationships, those relationships that are forged through the pain, by mutual love, by forgiveness.

Now, my mentor Brad always said, if you stick around here long enough, as he would say this as a pastor to his congregation, if you stick around here long enough, someone will sin against you, and that someone could be me.

But that doesn't mean you should leave or run away. It means that relationships are difficult, and we need God's help to commit ourselves to His church and bearing one another's burdens. So let's begin looking at the text this morning, starting in verse 1.

David and Jonathan Disagree About Saul's Intentions

I've divided this up into sections or headings. This first heading is called A Disagreement About Saul. It's the first three verses. Now, a lot more is being said in this section than what is actually being said.

It's demonstrated through their actions. As an example, I'll just use the first portion of the first sentence. Then David fled from Naoth in Ramah and came and said before Jonathan. Where did he come to?

Where was Jonathan? Jonathan is in the most dangerous place in the kingdom for David. He is in the town of Gibeah, where Saul's fortress is. And he's fleeing from Naoth, from Ramah. And last week, he was there with Samuel, probably the safest place that he could have been.

Every time Saul sent people, they would fall down on the ground and prophesy with madness. Saul himself really disgraces himself, adding nakedness to the madness, and does that in front of Samuel all day long.

So he comes before Jonathan and he says this. He says, what have I done? What is my guilt? And what is my sin before your father that he seeks my life? Not only is David courageous here in going to a place of danger, but he's going with integrity.

He's going, there's a conflict between me and your dad. Help me understand this, because I don't understand it. What have I done? What have I done? I haven't, like, tried to usurp the kingdom. I've been anointed, but I haven't even told anybody about it.

So why is your dad so angry at me? And I think that this is, wow, I look at that and I go, wow, David, that's great. And Jonathan says, far be it from you, you shall not die. My dad's not seeking your life.

Behold, if my father does nothing great or small without disclosing to me, why and why should my father hide, the Hebrew word satar there, why should he hide this from me? It is not so. But David vowed again, saying, your father knows well that I found favor in your eyes.

And he thinks, do not let Jonathan know this, lest he be grieved. But truly, as the Lord lives and as your soul lives, there is but a step between me and death. He says, I'm on the edge of death. There's nothing between me and death.

There is no guardrail. It's just like our porch out here. Be careful because you could fall off. And hopefully, as deacons and elders, we're going to fix that soon. But that's the picture. That's what David is saying.

Now, all the source of confusion stems from what happened in the last chapter when Jonathan went to his father and said, hey, why are you trying to kill David? And Jonathan, I mean, Saul swears by the Lord.

He says, I'm not going to kill him. And then David is allowed to enter back into the palace again. But we have to remember that this is the ancient, it's ancient times. There are no cell phones. There's no news that someone can watch and see what's going on.

So apparently Jonathan is unaware of all that happened in the last chapter, of Saul trying to chase him down. So David is trying to bring him up to speed. He's trying to say, no, no, no, no. Your dad is hiding this from you because he knows that you'll be grieved.

He doesn't want you to know he's lying to you. And my life is in danger. This is Saul's cunning. It reminds us of chapter 16, two weeks ago, where God said, man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.

Saul is hiding his heart from his son. Again, like I said, he is lying to his son. And David is trying to reveal the truth of Saul's heart, but Jonathan doesn't know what to believe at this point. So David says, he vows again, or he says, I'm promising you.

I am promising you. Your father knows well, and he's hiding it from you. Then they come up with a test to determine what the truth is. And we're going to see this through four through probably 23. Then Jonathan said to David, whatever you say, I will do for you.

Let's find out what's going on. So David said to Jonathan, behold, tomorrow is the new moon, and I should not fail to sit at the table with the king. But let me go that I may, sitar, I may hide myself in the field till the third day at evening.

If your father misses me at all, then say, David earnestly seeks, has asked leave of me to run to Bethlehem, his city, for there is a yearly sacrifice there for all the clan. If he says good, then we know it's going to be well with your servant.

But if he's angry, then we will know that harm is determined by him. Therefore, deal kindly with your servant, for you have brought your servant into a covenant of the Lord with you. Notice he's saying your servant, your servant, your servant over again.

We'll talk about that in a minute. But if there's guilt in me, kill me yourself, for why should you bring me to your father? And Jonathan said, far be it from you. If I knew that it was determined by my father that harm should come from you, would I not tell you?

Then David said to Jonathan, who will tell me if your father answers you roughly? And Jonathan said to David, come, let us go into the field. So they both went into the field. So they devise a plan. They come up with a plan.

David's going to skip the new moon festival and hide for three days. Jonathan is going to tell a story to Saul when he asks about David's absence. David then suddenly switches, and you probably noticed this, into covenant language here.

Starts talking about the covenant, talking about their agreement. Why does he do this? He's referring to himself as Jonathan's servant three times, and he's speaking directly about the covenant that they have made and entered into together.

He's saying to Jonathan, if I'm guilty of breaking that covenant that we made, man, kill me yourself. I deserve to die. Don't bring me to Saul. My greater sin is to you. Jonathan replies, far be it from you to die at my hand.

He explains, if I knew Saul wished to harm you, I would have told you. So how are we going to communicate the outcome of this plan? How are we going to decide how to communicate? Because, again, we don't have cell phones.

We can't just call each other. We can't do this secretly. We can't do this out in the open. We need to find a way of communicating this. So verse 12, and Jonathan said to David, The Lord, the God of Israel, be witness, when I have sounded out my Father about this time tomorrow or the third day, behold, if he is well disposed towards David, then shall I not send and disclose it to you?

But should it please my Father to do you harm, the Lord do so to Jonathan and more also, if I do not disclose it to you and send you away, that you may go in safety. May the Lord be with you as he has been with my father.

If I'm still alive, show me the steadfast love of the Lord. That word in the Hebrew is hesed. We're going to talk about that. Show me the steadfast love of the Lord that I may not die, but if I die, don't cut me off.

Don't cut off your servant from the steadfast love. Don't cut off your steadfast love from my house forever when the Lord cuts off everyone of the enemies of David from the face of the earth. And Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David saying, let not the name of Jonathan be cut off from the house of David and may the Lord take vengeance on David's enemies.

And Jonathan made David swear again by his love for him for he loved David as he loved his own soul. So Jonathan and David renewed the covenant that they have made with one another. Why? Why? Because they both understand the gravity of the situation.

Now it's not just David who is in danger, but Jonathan is also in danger. Notice verse 14, Jonathan says, if I'm still alive. If Saul wants David killed and Jonathan is found out to be conspiring with David, he knows that he's going to be put to death as well.

He says, if I'm still alive, show me the hesed of the Lord. Show me the steadfast love of the Lord. But if I die, show that hesed, that same hesed of the Lord, that steadfast love, that covenantal loyal love to my family, to my children.

In the Septuagint it says, let not the name of Jonathan be cut off from the house of David. The act of being cut off would mean that Jonathan somehow broke the covenant and became David's enemy. So Jonathan here is feeling the gravity of that agreement and he's willing to be killed by his father.

He declares curses upon himself. He says, if I betray you, David, in this dangerous, intense situation, I can't do that. So let's extend our previous covenant, not just to cover each other, but also our future families.

And this covenant is not going to expire with their deaths. It's like someone coming to you and saying, man, if I die, will you look after my family? My most treasured responsibility in my life. Would you look after my kids?

I trust you that much. You're the one person that I would come to and ask to look after my family. And it gives me great relief because if something were to happen to me, I know my family's taken care of.

That's what's happening in this passage. Now they're invoking the hesed of the Lord. Now hesed in Hebrew is one of those words that requires a bit of explanation. When things are translated from one language into another language, sometimes there's not a good word for that word in the new language that you're trying to translate it to.

Hesed is one of those words. Hesed is one of my most favorite Hebrew words to explain. And I've done it in congregation after congregation. And now you'll hear me. Every time I reach this word in the Scriptures, I will bring it to you afresh and remind you what this word means.

It is used 250 times in the Old Testament. And it is a very complex word that describes an attribute of God, maybe the quintessential attribute of God. It means mercy, compassion, love, grace, and faithfulness all in one word.

But it goes beyond just dispositions towards somebody who's lowly or someone who's needy. It has connotations of commitment that deepen the meaning to things like unfailing love, faithful love, steadfast love, loyal love, and my favorite, my favorite of all of them, is covenantal faithfulness.

We see this first in Exodus 33 as God is relating with Moses. And Moses was able to be in God's presence. He received the Ten Commandments from God Himself. And in one of these occasions where they're speaking with one another, Moses got bold and he said, God, could you reveal your glory to me?

And in Exodus 33, God responds, You cannot see my face, for man shall not see me and live. And the Lord said, But behold, there's a place by me where you shall stand on the rock, and while my glory passes by, I will put you in the cleft of the rock, and I will cover you with my hand until I have passed by.

Then I will take it away, and you shall see my back, but my face shall not be seen. So I can imagine Moses going, Oh man, this is what I've been longing for. This is what I've been waiting for. Even to see God's fading glory.

Nobody has ever seen that. And it happens. But as it happens, God gives Moses something more valuable, more precious than seeing his fading glory. As he preaches to Moses, as he proclaims to Moses this, he says, The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.

That's that hesed. And keeping that hesed, that steadfast love for thousands, in forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children to the third and fourth generation.

So better than seeing God's fading glory is a revelation of who he is. It is so wonderful. It is so great. It is one of the most wonderful Hebrew concepts that we have in the Old Testament. And it's gonna come up again and again.

And Jonathan says, If I'm alive, show me that faithfulness. Show me the faithfulness of the Lord, that covenantal faithfulness. But if I die, show that same hesed, covenantal loyal love to my family, to my children.

We'll continue on in verse 18. Then Jonathan said to him, Tomorrow is the new moon, and you will be missed because your seat will be empty. On the third day, go down quickly to the place where you hid, where you setar, again, hiding, where you hid yourself when the matter was at hand and remain beside the stone heap.

Now there's a lot of, I'm not gonna get into that. Some of your Bibles say a stone called Ezel. Some of yours say out of a place towards the south. There's a little bit of confusion in the original text there.

We're gonna just speak about it and move on. Verse 20, And I will shoot three arrows to the side of it, as though I shot at a mark. And behold, I will send the young boy, saying, Go find the arrows. And if I say to the boy, Look, the arrows are on this side, take them, then you're to come, for the Lord lives.

It is safe for you, there is no danger. But if I say to the youth, Look, the arrows are beyond you, then go, for the Lord has sent you away. And as for the matter of which you and I have spoken, that covenant, behold, the Lord is between you and me forever.

So David before said, There's nothing between me and death. And Jonathan is stepping in there going, No, there is. It's me, it's me. That's powerful. That last line, he's saying, There's nothing gonna come between us.

He is invoking the Lord as the enforcing agent of the covenant. And since the Lord is eternal, the strength of the covenant is eternal. Remember, there's no cell phones, so archery works as a mode of communication here.

Now, here's one thing that I learned in my little outing with Bill and Xavier, shooting bows together, okay? I'm okay, not great, but I can see why he got a boy to go get his arrows for him. Because if I had somebody out there fetching my arrows, that would make archery so much nicer.

The other thing that I discovered as I was out there is that finding your arrows is difficult because we each have six arrows, and so we'll go out there, the three of us, and we're looking around, and we're looking around for these arrows because the arrows kind of tend, sometimes they kind of embed themselves in the grass, and you can't see them.

They're just flat on the ground, and they're just tucked in there. So I can see why he would be saying to the boy, I think they're a little over to the left, or I think they're beyond you, right? Because we're doing that, the same thing.

We're like, I thought I shot these out here, but maybe they're further. So this is a good way of communicating so that the boy does not know. In fact, it says later that the boy had no idea, that the matter was hidden from him.

So then verse 24, we'll see a section where this test that they've concocted actually has a definite result. Verse 24, so David hid, he satar, himself in the field. And when the new moon came, the king sat down to eat his food, and the king sat on his seat, as other times, on the seat by the wall.

Jonathan sat opposite, Abner sat by Saul's side, but David's place was empty. Yet Saul did not say anything that day, for he thought something has happened to him. He's not clean, surely he's not clean.

But on the second day, the day after the new moon, David's place was empty. And Saul said to Jonathan, his son, why has the son of Jesse not come to the meal, either yesterday or today? And Jonathan answered Saul, David earnestly asked leave of me to go to Bethlehem.

He said, let me go, for our clan holds a sacrifice in the city, and my brother has commanded me to be there. So now if I've found favor in your eyes, let me get away and see my brothers. For this reason, he has not come to the king's table.

So the test is set. And here's the response. Verse 30. Then Saul's anger was kindled against Jonathan, and he said, you son of a perverse, rebellious woman, do you not know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame, and to the shame of your mother's nakedness?

For as long as the son of Jesse lives on earth, neither you nor your kingdom shall be established. Therefore send and bring him to me, for he shall surely die. That's pretty clear. Then Jonathan answered Saul, his father, why should he be put to death?

What has he done? But Saul hurled a spear at him to strike him. So Jonathan knew that his father was determined to put David to death. And Jonathan rose from the table in fierce anger, ate no food on the second day of the month, for he was grieved for David, because his father had disgraced him.

So Saul asked, why has not the son of Jesse come to the meal either yesterday or today? Notice Saul can't even say David's name. And perhaps he's even throwing a little shade at David's family and his low position in society.

And Jonathan gives the prepared statement about David asking for permission to be excused for family business, and Saul loses his mind. Why? As David has suspected, Saul determined to use the feast surrounded by his court and his family members to carry out his evil plan and end David's life.

And maybe this is in spite of some of his family members for betraying him. Let's make David an example. Let's quash any kind of disloyalty. Now, this is a very toxic environment, right? Saul berates his son in front of everyone, saying, you son of a perverse woman, perverse rebellious woman, do I not know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame and the shame of your mother's nakedness?

What does that mean? It certainly sounds bad, and it is. He's saying, you son of a perverse rebellious woman, he is saying an offensive thing. It was offensive back then in the ancient Near East. It's also offensive today when you insult someone's mom.

And the mother herself is not the object of this shaming. It's the son who hears these words applied to her. This is meant for Jonathan to insult him. It could also be rendered in the original language that you are the son of one of perversity in rebellion.

You're a son of perversity in rebellion, meaning you are the kind of son that resists his father's will. And then he says, do I not know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of your mother's nakedness?

He's saying you should be ashamed, and your mom is ashamed to call you her son, ashamed that she gave you birth. I believe that the mother's nakedness is referring to a woman giving birth. He says, for as long as the son of Jesse lives on earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established.

So this is all about succession. This would have made your mom proud. And he accuses him of siding with David. So he says, therefore, send and bring him to me. I know you know where he is. Bring him to me so I can kill him.

And Jonathan responds to this verbal assault, saying, why should he be put to death? What has he done? And again, I refer to last chapter. Jonathan said, why then should you sin against innocent blood by putting David to death without cause?

But at this time, Saul does not repent of his blood lust. Instead, he chucks a spear at his son. Now, two weeks ago, I said that Saul throws a spear at David twice in 18, again in 19, and again in 20.

I was wrong about 20. He does throw a spear, but I was wrong about the target. He's throwing it at Jonathan, his son. And if Saul will throw a spear at his son, everyone is in danger. But once again, he misses.

Now, Saul is mad at Jonathan. But what's the source of his rage? Ever had someone unload at you? And in your mind, you're going, what is this about? Or like, what did I do to deserve this? And the answer to that question is probably nothing, right?

Because it's not about you. Who is Saul really angry with here? He's angry with God. He's been angry with God for many, many chapters. I would even say that he has God derangement syndrome. He thinks God is, he hates God.

He thinks that God is responsible for everything that has happened to him in his current situation. He blames God for his predicament. And he doesn't want God to do what God is doing. He doesn't want God's will.

And he's fighting against it. His own wickedness is growing greater and greater. It's becoming more out there in the open with greater desperation. It's almost as if all of his actions are saying, my will be done.

And Jonathan is caught in the wake of Saul's rage against the Almighty. Now, I want you to remember this. I want you to remember this picture of Saul's rage because we're going to contrast it later with David.

So finally, Jonathan knows that his father has been deceiving him. He knows the truth. He knows his father has lied and betrayed him. He can't make any more excuses for him. And he is enraged. He is devastated.

And betrayal does that. It cuts us to the heart. Betrayal is a theme in the Bible. It's all over the Bible. The serpent betrays Eve. Cain betrays Abel. Joseph is betrayed by his brothers. Delilah betrays Samson.

Even David betrays as he betrays Uriah. Jesus is betrayed by Judas. And even though he saw it coming, Jesus seeing it coming, that Judas was going to betray him, I don't think it softened the pain because Jesus loved Judas.

In the Bible, God's people betray God himself. And we betray God with our sin. And in response to that betrayal, God loves us. And he gives us his son as a sacrifice for our treason, for our rebellion, for the pain, for the scars.

He gives us his son. And he gives us forgiveness. For defecting to our enemy's side, he gives us forgiveness. And he calls us as his followers to follow his example. Now, it's not that easy. It's not that easy to follow in the steps of Jesus.

And just like Jonathan who loves his father and who now can't trust him, he's caught in this weird mix of emotions, of anger and hurt and sadness and love and yet still loyalty. For Jonathan, I can imagine his heart is confused.

Confused with a really wrenching weight. Tempted to react in the pain. React with words, to react with actions that are not godly. Jonathan is upset. He's been publicly disgraced in front of the royal court, which includes his family members.

Now, I also want to point out that Saul, in his rage, also feels betrayed. He's betrayed by Michael, his daughter in the last chapter, and he's betrayed by Jonathan here. But what does he do with his rage?

He reacts. He throws stuff. He throws sharp, life-ending stuff. And I just want to point out that that's the dangerous place when we're betrayed. It's how are we going to react? And I would say in situations where we feel betrayed, we need godly counsel.

I would say if you are dealing with the pain of betrayal, if that happens to you, that you would seek out your elders, leaders within the church, to help you to process through that, because it can be very complex.

It's complex to know how to honor God in our response. Now, the strange thing is is that Jonathan doesn't run away here. He stays. He is upset. He's fuming. And he refuses to eat at the feast. And then verse 35 says, he waits till morning.

And then he went out into the field to the appointment with David and with him a little boy. And he said to the boy, Run and find the arrows that I shoot. And as the boy ran, he shot an arrow beyond him.

And when the boy came to the place of the arrow that Jonathan had shot, he called after the boy and said, Is not the arrow beyond you? Meaning, David, run. And Jonathan called after the boy, Hurry, be quick, do not stay.

So Jonathan's boy gathered up the arrows and came to his master. But the boy knew nothing. Again, it's hidden. Only Jonathan and David knew the matter. And Jonathan gave his weapons to the boy and said to him, Go and carry them to the city.

And as soon as the boy had gone, David rose from beside the stone and fell on his face to the ground and bowed three times. They kissed one another and David and wept with one another, David weeping the most.

Then Jonathan said to David, Go in peace, because we have sworn, both of us, in the name of the Lord, saying, The Lord shall be between me and you and between my offspring and your offspring forever. And they rose and departed.

And Jonathan went into the city. So verses 35 through 40 is a difficult departure. The plan for the communication is executed. They shoot the arrows. And I'm imagining, as Jonathan goes out, that the suspicion is still there and that perhaps he is being watched by Saul.

Regardless, in verse 41, David abandons his hiding spot, probably because he knows that this will be their last meeting, and it is. They never see each other again, that we know of in Scripture. They're both devastated at what the answer to their test now means for them.

And Jonathan sends David away in peace, reminding him of the renewed and extended covenant that binds them together. Now, what do we do with this story and how do we apply it to our lives? I think the first thing that we should recognize is that friendship, the friendship between David and Jonathan, and the loyalty between them and the commitments that they make to one another.

Now, covenants between men are made with God as their enforcing agent and their abiding strength. Let me say that again. Covenants between men are made with God as their enforcing agent and their abiding strength.

So just yesterday, we saw two people come together in a covenant before the Lord. And between Cecilia and between Samuel, God is the enforcing agent and their abiding strength. We see that in marriage.

We also see that in church membership. These covenants are unique in that way. It's not like a gym membership. It's not like your Sam's Club membership. Those are transactional, right? They lack the divine authorship that God has placed on these covenants between men.