God Knows Best: A Biblical Blueprint for Marriage and Family

Well, it's a real joy this morning to introduce our speaker. Dr. Danny Aiken and Charlotte we're glad you're here as well. They're staying over the chocs it in and it's raining today and I said, well, this is New England.

And so welcome to New England. Dr. Aiken was my first prof at Southern Seminary when I was doing my D min, that's not a demon, but the D min there and I'll never forget the day he walked in. I wasn't quite sure what to expect coming from masters and everything you had a Student come the first day and I thought if that's the quality of the of the professors here.

I was expecting dr Block and dr Aiken and when he was a nice guy this other student, but I was I was ready for the big guns. And so the next day dr. Aiken came in. I thought okay. I'm at the right place.

Dr. Aiken loves his wife Charlotte. You've been at Charlotte and Danny been married 28 years now. Almost 30 years for grown children. Dr. Aiken loves the Lord. He loves expository preaching and he loves to preach about Christ exalted in families.

He has two books here at the table for us God on sex the creators idea about love intimacy and marriage that's here if you'd like that. It's a more popular level on Song of Solomon. And if you'd like more technical level the New American commentary on John's epistles 1st 2nd and 3rd John.

So we have both of those books there and I don't know if you're the autographing kind of guy. But you'd he's willing to do that. Okay, Georgia Bulldog fan. Any other Georgia Bulldog fans here no. Okay.

Well, I just have forgotten. So before dr. Aiken comes up your children are being babysat today as a ministry. We have five Iwana students wanting to go to Denver. And so if you'd like to give to that ministry, it's just a freewill offering.

That's the only free will you'll probably find at the church here, but it is free will. We are close to North Hampton with where Jonathan Edwards was and the will is the mind choosing and all that. But please give generously if you'd like to the five Iwana students who are watching your kids today, but I love dr Aiken's love for the Lord and his ministry.

He is now the president of Southeastern Theological Seminary. He was at Southern for a long time eight years. That's where I met him. And now he's the president at Southeastern. It's a real joy for him to be here for us to have him here.

I hope it's a joy for you to be here as well. And let's just welcome him and dr. Aiken, please come.

Marriage and Family Under Christ's Lordship

Well, it is a joy to be here and I've looked forward to being up here with Mike and to be with you all. And yes, I do say you all last night. I was harassed by the waitress at the restaurant where we went.

Where. Well, then where are you all from? Well, we all are from Wake Forest, North Carolina now I'll work on you guys if that will make you more comfortable while I'm up here. But it'll take a while. I don't think it'll happen in a day and a half but I am delighted to be here and grateful for the invitation and enjoy getting to know your pastor when I was at Southern there in Louisville, Kentucky and I do like to talk about marriage and family because I personally in my own life Outside of Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior the most wonderful Relationship I have is my relationship with my wife now of 28 years and then God has blessed us with four sons.

And in the last 15 months, he has also blessed us with three daughter-in-laws and a grandbaby. And so we have had an incredibly active 15 months and God likewise has been precious to us all four of our sons are in seminary.

One is working on a PhD in Old Testament. One is working on an MA as he teaches Bible and coaches basketball at a Christian school. One is planning to go to Africa as a missionary in two years and the youngest wants to be a pastor in particular a church planter and.

So the Lord has been very very good to us. I'll talk about this more later. But people often have said to me. Well, how did all that happen? And it's an easy answer the kindness the goodness and the graciousness of God.

You do the best you can as a parent. Those of you that are parents like we know that most the time you are flying by the seat of your pants. Doing the very best you can trying to implement Biblical principles as you've learned them along the way.

But when everything is said and done If the Lord doesn't step in and do those things that you can't do and doesn't step in and overcome your weaknesses and your shortcomings. Then nothing good is going to happen.

And so I'm sure we did some pretty decent things along the way. I'm sure we also did some really bad things along the way. But the Lord and his grace has led our four sons in this direction. And so we're just we're very blessed.

We are wonderfully blessed. And so it's a joy to talk about something. That's very dear to my heart. Marriage and family. So take your Bible and join me in the book of Colossians chapter 3 and what we're going to do today Is in this first session, we're going to get a big overarching Overview of what God has to say about marriage and family and also we're going to see practically speaking how God really does know best and That when we follow biblical principles when it comes to marriage and family, not only do we honor and glorify God But good things also happen to us as well.

Then we're going to talk specifically to husbands and wives this morning. Tomorrow we'll have some fun out of the Song of Solomon when we try to get a handle on the differences that exist between men and Women differences that were built in by design by our Creator.

He did make us male and female. He intentionally made us different and then in the final session we'll talk about parenting and we'll return to Ephesians chapter 6 and look at how it is that we can love our Children and let them know it now they're going to be passing out right now manuals notebooks and what you'll also want to do as soon as you get it is turn over to page 2 and You'll find an outline there that entitled that is entitled when Christ is Lord of the home.

Just a few months ago in the Raleigh News and Observer There was an article on marriage and it was entitled looking for happiness. Get married have kids but listen to the first paragraph the keys to happiness are simple grow up get married have children and go to church and Interestingly, the article points out that if you do those things you overwhelmingly increase the odds.

That you're going to have a happy meaningful and fulfilled life now again. That should not surprise us because the author of marriage and the author of the family is God. And when we do things God's way again, we glorify him.

But we also are blessed in the process of doing those things that God Asked us to do. Well, you know that there are two letters in the New Testament that in some ways are like sisters. Ephesians and Colossians in fact, they're sometimes referred to as twin epistles though.

They are somewhat different. They have a similar pattern and in some cases they even talk about the same things in the same order. But here's the difference. For example when it comes to the family Colossians is readers digest.

It just gives us four quick Snappy verses that summarize God's job description for each member of the family. You go over to Ephesians and my goodness from chapter 5 verse 22 through chapter 6 verse 4 almost 16 17 18 verses Paul elaborates more his argument for what it means to be a godly man a godly woman godly children and Godly parents.

So what I want to do is give us the the overview and then in the second and third session We'll go back and look at those things more specifically, but when Christ is Lord of the home. What will that home look like in terms of a quick?

Snappy job description for each member of the family. Well, let me read the text for you. Then we'll go back and make a comment or two. Wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

Children obey your parents and all things for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers do not provoke your children lest they become Discouraged and so you see that there are four verses. One verse each for each member of the family the wife the husband the children and in particular The father though, I don't think that we would rule out that the parents as a whole are in view there.

Now here's what's very interesting about these four verses. There are five Imperatives that you find in Colossians 3 18 through 21 in other words God inspires Paul not to make suggestions. God inspires Paul to give a very definite command to each member of the family and if you note if there are four verses and five imperatives then that means somebody got two and It's not really surprising to discover who that particular person is as I will show you in just a moment.

So let's begin wives. What will you do when Christ is Lord the home? Well, you will yield to your husband giving your submission to your husband giving your admiration to the Lord wives. Here's the imperative you Submits it's in the present tense, which means this is to be the habit of your life.

You continually yield to your own husband. Why. Because it is fitting it is appropriate in The Lord and so wives are called to yield in their will to the leadership of their husband. Secondly Husbands are challenged and commanded to love their wives husbands.

Love your wives. There's the imperative. It's in the present tense. This is to be the habit of your life that you love your wife in an agape Loving kind of a way we're going to develop that in just a moment.

Oh, but my goodness, there's a conjunction and and there's another statement that has another verb and so surprise surprise the husband gets the double command and Do not be bitter toward them. Evidently men have in their sinfulness a Propensity toward bitterness and therefore God tries to to quote Barney Fife from Mayberry Nip it in the bud and up front just says no no No on the one end you love and on the other end you have a mindset That will not allow a attitude a root of bitterness to develop and well up within your soul.

Then thirdly the Bible says children you honor your parents children. There's the imperative Obey your parents where how in all things why for this is well pleasing To the Lord and we'll develop that more fully on Sunday morning.

I will just say this at this point parents I know that they come into the world as little sinners but we still should be imparting to our children from the time they're very small the expectation of Obedience.

In other words, we know that they will make mistakes. We know that they will do things wrong. We know that they will sin, but we should impart to our children from the time. They're small. We expect them to obey.

We don't expect them to disobey indeed disobedience will be the exception. Rather than the norm or rather than the rule and so we help them understand. Even as they're very small that they are to obey mom and dad in All-things then fourthly parents are to encourage their children, but note gentlemen It is again a reminder of our leadership assignment in the home.

Fathers do not provoke your children. The word provoke is a present imperative. Don't you be agitating Unsettling the world of your children why. Because they will become discouraged now, I again believe That both in Colossians 3 and in Ephesians 6 Paul has in mind Deuteronomy chapter 6 in other words He is giving us his thinking on the way fathers relate to their children out of that background of Deuteronomy 6 where we're told that fathers and grandfathers are to teach the children to love the Lord their God with all their heart with all their soul and with all of their strength and That we are to instruct our children when they lie down when they get up when they walk and when they sit which basically means we're to be in a mindset of Teaching and instructing our children all of the time now don't misunderstand that I don't mean that means that we're to be cramming a Bible down their throat all the time.

I don't mean that don't believe that means that we don't let our kids be kids. We don't let our kids play and have fun and do the things that normal children do. No. No, if you develop that kind of mindset I suspect that you are a legalist and I suspect that when your children can break away from that legalism They will do so with a rebellion that will break your heart.

People have often said to me and I'll mention this again tomorrow if you could summarize and just one or two words. What was your parental philosophy? That's very easy. It was to have fun with my kids.

Say fun fun F-u-n Fun now in the midst of having fun. We prayed. We read the Bible. They used to go with me when I would do bus ministry. We would be sitting in the house watching a football game or riding in the van and we would just be available and open and ready For any teachable moment that might appear that would give us a chance to show them how biblical truth impacts any and every Area of life, but I was not rigid.

I was not harsh. I did not have a bunch of rules and regulations. I simply believed that if I would love the Lord before my kids and love them in a normal Natural healthy way and just have a good time with them God would honor that and I believe he has and so yes, we impart to them the expectation of obedience.

But we are also just take the flip side of verse 21. We're to be encouragers To our children. I mean we're to be in their corner. We're to be their their best cheerleader their most positive advocate telling them we believe by God's grace and for his glory God can and will do something great and wonderful in and through their lives.

And I believe if we impart that kind of spirit to our kids God again will honor and bless His Word. Now, I'm gonna move through it quickly. But on page two and following what I've done for you is over the years I've been gathering data from secular psychologists sociologists marriage and family Studies because I suspected all along that if we do things God's way there is Empirical evidence that would demonstrate it works.

Well my goodness when it comes to sex when it comes to marriage when it comes to the rearing of your children. The evidence is overwhelming. You do it God's way and it works best. For example the area of sex in 1993 it was reported that 68 million Americans had a sexually Transmitted disease as approximately 15 million Americans Contracting one annually and look at this one in four of the victims is under the age of 20.

Drop down in that paragraph you see the number to come up about four lines. Keep this in mind. Many STDs are incurable. Others can render you sterile and some are potentially fatal. And it is amazing reality to think if we would simply do sex God's way one man.

With one woman within the covenant of marriage for life. Every single STD would disappear from the planet in just one generation. When I talk to teenagers, I try to help them understand God did not design sex with the parameters and the protection that he did to rain on your parade.

To rob you of your fun. To keep you from having a good time. No the fact matter is I point out in the next paragraph those who save themselves for marriage and Those who are faithful in marriage report the highest and most active sex lives of any demographic group out there.

So I just tell teenagers you want to have the best sex life possible. Save yourself for marriage be faithful in marriage and you will have a good good time. Furthermore, you won't have to ever worry about an STD.

You won't have to worry about becoming sterile. You won't have to worry about contracting something that could potentially take your life. You realize that today There are more than 12 million AIDS orphans in Sub-saharan Africa.

12 million. Estimates are that will go to 20 million shortly past the year 2010 and here's the thing Do sex God's way? One man one woman within the covenant of marriage for life. There are not 12 million AIDS orphans.

And when I say AIDS orphans, I'm pointing out both their dad and their mom are dead. Because of this tragic tragic virus and sinful lifestyle now you say then Danny. Why is it that God designed sex the way that he does and again part of my goal in the two days?

I'm with you is also to give you Some guidelines and some instruct about how to teach and train your children as well out to the side if you were to say why? Do sex God's way? I'd give you four or five ideas that I just asked you just take a single word and jot these down with a pen or A pencil.

Number one. God maximizes your protection as I just noted. There's maximum Protection when you save yourself for marriage and you are faithful in marriage. Maximum protection. Secondly, as I just noted and as I point out there at number two, there's maximum pleasure.

Those who save themselves for marriage and are faithful in marriage have a much happier intimate life than those who do not. Thirdly. You maximize partnership. You see outside of the intimacy that you and I know with Christ I think the most intimate experience this side of heaven is a man and a woman coming together in intimacy and there is a partnership that develops in that relationship that cannot be described in words and yet if you have shared yourself.

Given yourself in multiple occasions to multiple persons you severely harm and damage your ability. To give yourself in complete total abandonment to one person it maximizes partnership. It also maximizes to the glory of God your purity and you see.

The Bible makes it very clear that when people look at a marriage they ought to be looking at something that gives them a glimpse of the relationship that exists between Christ and His church. Your marriage should be a pointer to lost persons of the glory of Christ.

The bridegroom and the church his bride and there is a purity then that is experienced and witnessed when a man and a woman are devoted and committed and faithful to one another and so the Bible makes it clear that God knew what he was doing when he designed sex in this way as I say there at number two.

We now know sex is more satisfying for those who wait into marriage. Number three at the bottom not only is sex better in marriage. It is also best if you've had only one sexual partner in a lifetime.

Look at the top of the next page. Yes, God knows best about sex, but also God knows best about marriage. What has the data over the last 20 to 30 years told us about this issue of marriage? Well number one, we have discovered that married people have healthier unions than couples who live together.

In fact, Washington State University revealed I quote cohabiting couples compared to married couples have much less Healthy relationships. You say well, could you be more specific? Well folks at UCLA help us out here cohabitors experienced significantly more difficulty in subsequent marriages with issues of adultery alcohol drugs and Independence than couples who had not cohabited.

In fact, and I would mark this Marriages preceded by cohabitation are 50 to 100 percent more likely to break up than those marriages not preceded by Cohabitation. In fact again when I'm talking to singles or teenagers, I will say You really like this person?

You really love this individual. You would like to think of the possibility of spending the rest of your life with them. Well, I can give you one sure-fire way that will greatly increase the odds that that won't happen.

Why don't I just shack up and live together? Because you will increase the odds 50 to 100 percent that the two of you will not stay together. You say why do you think that is the case? I know why it's the case.

There's a very crucial C word missing when it comes to cohabitation and it is called commitment. Commitment. It is disingenuous to say that you are totally committed to another person in A cohabiting relationship when you're not willing to say before witnesses and others forsaking all others I do.

Till death do we part and so because commitment is lacking when things get Problematic when things become difficult and let's be honest folks. Every relationship is going to have problems. Every marriage is going to have difficulties.

It's going to have times of stress and times of great pressure and if you're not committed to each other no matter what You'll look for an exit. You'll look for that back door to break and run because of the pressure and because of the stress.

But now look at number three wife beating should more properly be called Girlfriend beating according to the Journal of Marriage in the family. Aggression is at least twice as common among cohabitors as it is among Married partners.

That's very interesting. Fourthly married people enjoy better physical and mental health again. UCLA reported last two lines of number four married people have significantly lower rates of alcoholism suicide Psychiatric care and higher rates of self-reported happiness.

Number four of number five those in married relationships experience a lower rate of severe depression than people in any other Category. Number six researchers at University of Mass say married people experience less disease Morbidity and disability than do those who are divorced or separated.

Look at the top of the next page. One study concerning men in particular revealed that nine out of ten men married at 48 they'll still be around at 65. But only six out of ten single men will still be around.

In other words. You increase the odds gentlemen of hanging around longer by 30 if you're married now. You say why do you think that is the case? Well, that's a no-brainer. Men are stupid men are stupid and men do not naturally Take care of themselves very well.

Just let's just be honest for a minute. Does the typical normal male Just naturally eat the best things. Does he just naturally of his own volition work out and maintain some type of healthy exercise program?

Does he on an annual blaze basis just gladly volunteer to go see his doctor for a checkup? No. No, he has to be virtual on his deathbed. And even then he just says give me a couple of aspirin. I'll be better tomorrow.

No, you have a hard time getting the male to do the right thing furthermore. Men are dumb but single men are like really dumb and they will go places and do things that when you get a woman in your life and then children show up you Won't do.

You won't do because you have now a sense of responsibility. You have someone in your life that is nagging. I mean encouraging you to do. Yeah, I know that sometimes feels like nagging but the fact matter is if you'll just step back and listen.

Maybe not to the tone of the voice. But the content of what is being said you realize that many times they are telling us things we ought to have enough sense. To listen to and to do and so there is something about marriage.

That will temper and tame the wild edges of a man. I'm not saying that he becomes effeminate. I I am so opposed to that. I don't even need to get started, but I'm saying being a real man who can harness and And and and bring into some type of control the strong masculine male.

Tendencies that are there is a good thing and it only happens in marriage and With children and yes in the long run it winds up making you stay around longer as well. But I love number seven. This one's hilarious to me men and women are at much greater risk of being assaulted if they are not married says the US Department of Justice in 1994 and I was wondering does that mean muggers have some type of ability, you know.

Like Superman with x-ray vision to look into your soul and say single guy will mug him. Married guy will let him go. No, that's not what it is at all. It's lifestyle. It's lifestyle. You see when I got married we were 21 and 19.

All of a sudden I had two options option number one was to be running around, you know messing around with the guys. Our option number two was to go home and Chase around the house this beautiful brown-eyed brunette and if I called her I got to play with her.

And so that was up, you know. It was just a great deal. Furthermore, I discovered that if you're at home on any given night sitting on the couch Watching television eating popcorn drinking a diet coke the odds that you get mugged go way down.

And if you do get mugged you like it it's a good mugging. I mean you'll take that kind of mugging and so it's just again a lifestyle type of thing that comes into play. When we bring a man and a woman together in the covenant of marriage, but now let's talk about children very quickly.

Number one the best environment to raise children is in a home with a daddy and a mother Who are married to each other? On average children do better in all areas. When raised by two married parents who live together.

Sarah McLanahan is not a conservative. She's not an evangelical she teaches at Princeton, but she is a Major figure in marriage and family research and she wrote a classic book some years ago Entitled growing up with a single parent and she said and I quote children who grow up in a household with only one biological parent are Worse off on average than children who grow up with both of their biological parents regardless of the parents race.

Nor does it matter as to their educational? Background. In fact, she points out that adolescents who lived apart from one of their parents during some period of childhood are a Twice as likely to drop out of high school B twice as likely to have a child before the age of 20.

See they are one and a half times as likely to be idle in their late 20s by that we mean out of school and Out of work. You don't have this in your note, but I saw an insight magazine just three years ago Quote the presence or absence of a father in a child's life is The largest factor in predicting whether a child will graduate from high school.

Attend college become involved in crime or drugs or get pregnant before the age of 18. No, daddy things just sometimes go haywire a Father who's there and is involved in the life of his kids. It makes all the difference.

In fact, look at number two, it gets worse. Children without fathers more often have lowered academic performance cognitive and intellectual deficits. Increased adjustment problems higher risk for psychosexual development problems.

In fact violent children are 11 times more likely Not to live with their father six times more likely to have parents who are not married children. Not living with both biological parents are four times as likely to be suspended or expelled From school.

I won't read that whole horrible paragraph to you just to note about three lines down though children to divorce experience anger fear sadness worry rejection conflicting loyalties lowered self-confidence hyphen anxiety loneliness more depressed moods and more suicidal thoughts.

Now, let me say something before I go on. If you are here today and you have gone through the pain and the sorrow and the tragedy of a divorce. Number one, I am NOT here these two days to throw a rock at you.

So please hear that. Secondly, I realize that today there's nothing any one of us can do about the past. The past is gone. It's water under the bridge would to God that we could all go back and change some things from our past.

But we can't there's nothing we can do about that. But that does mean then number three we can all do something about our present and our future. And every one of us in this room no matter what has happened in the past Can again renew before God our convictions and our commitments and our vows that Lord divorce is not going to be an option.

I'm going to do all that I can to be the man of God that you designed me to be the woman of God that you Designed me to be and I am going to give my best time and my best energy and my best efforts in Building a godly marriage and a godly family, even if I have a number of challenges because of a blended kind of situation.

Furthermore, I'll say this is a word of encouragement. Say more about tomorrow. I know what this is like not on my side, but on my wife's side. My wife grew up in a children's home. Was born to the home of alcoholic parents age of seven they divorced.

Age of nine she and her brother and sister go to a children's home where she will live until she's 18. During those years. She'll not see her mother again until she's 17. She'll not see her father except for a couple of times in the first month and then she'll not see her father again until after.

We are married. Now anybody will tell you well, that's a formula for disaster. Yeah, it is apart from the grace of God. But see at 11 years of age Charlotte gave her heart to Christ. And Christ gave his heart to her and God kept his word and he became a father to the fatherless.

And we got married at 21 and 19 as Mike said we've been married for 28 years. Not being critical of anyone, but my wife is not in therapy. She's not in counseling. She's not on drugs. She never has been.

She has been a wonderful wonderful Godly wife a fabulous mother. My best friend a hero to me and again all of that because of the overwhelming Matchless grace of God. So when I share all these horrible statistics My motivation is that you will realize I don't want to go down that road.

You'll realize I need to cheat teach my children. They really don't want to go down that road. Because it is a road filled with heartache sorrow and disaster. Heartache and sorrow and disaster that cannot be overcome.

No. So don't hear me saying that it can be healed and even Redeemed by the marvelous grace of God. So God is in the business of putting those kind of things together. So keep that in mind as you think through.

Well, I know some people boy, there's no way to fix that. Oh, no, God is in the redeeming Reconciling restoring business. Well drop down to number three and I think I find this to be fascinating as well even the death of a parent is not as devastating to a child as losing one by divorce or Desertion.

You say why? Because single single parent families created by the death of a spouse. Have a natural protective mechanism distinguishing them from other single parent families. James Egan of Children's Hospital in Washington DC has asserted and it is a provocative statement a Dead father is a more effective father than a missing father.

Let that sink in a Dead daddy is a more effective daddy than a missing daddy. Now you'd be like me you'd say why. Well, he tells you when a father mother dies. They still maintain a place of authority.

Influence and moral leadership in the home. Parents who have departed due to death Usually leave positive reputations their pictures remain on the wall. They are talked about positively. Negative behavior on the part of a child can be corrected with a simple reminder.

Would your dad would your mom approve of that? Kind of behavior. But if the father has abandoned the child or was never identified the answer that question is either who cares or even worse. Who are you?

Talking about. Have you saw the melee on television with the University of Miami and Florida International University? How many of you saw that? Have you read Bill Curry's commentary on it? Bill Curry is a believer.

He is a sports broadcaster and he sliced and diced After that melee, but what he did was this in the midst of basically saying that Miami did not do near enough and they did not and I FIU did quite a bit.

He still said this. Here's my question Where are the dads of these hooligans? He said go down the list. Look at all the ones that were involved in this debacle this melee this embarrassing a National scene and you'll discover that dads are completely absent from the vast majority of the lives of those boys.

And he's right. He is. Absolutely, right because they need the presence of a father to take all that Testosterone all of that energy all of that strength and guided and directed in a good Healthy way and when dad is not there they basically say who cares.

Well, look at the next paragraph in an article entitled how kids mourn this by the way was written on the shortly thereafter of the death of Princess Diana America stopped the world stopped. Too much was said about the whole thing.

But there were some good questions raised and one of the questions was how will her two sons respond? Now that they have lost their mother and so Newsweek ran an article entitled how kids mourn and here's what they said.

I quote the death of a parent can have devastating psychological consequences. It includes things like anxiety depression sleep disturbances underachievement aggression. But so can a lot of other things and losing a parent by death is actually less devastating than divorce.

Quote we know that children tend to do better after a parental death than a divorce. Says sociologist Andrew Cherlin of Johns Hopkins and that's a stunning statistic. You would think death would be Harder, but now here's Danny Aikens commentary.

No, there's nothing stunning about this at all. When a child big or small loses a parent by death their little minds reason something like this. If my daddy could be here he would but he's dead and so he can't.

On the other hand if a child loses a parent by desertion or divorce. Their little minds reason differently saying if my daddy wanted to be here, he would be here. I guess he doesn't want to be here and parents you listen to me now.

No matter what you say. No matter how you try to package it. They always almost without exception. Reason to that next statement there it must be my fault. Now any child psychiatrist or psychologist worth his or her salt will tell you.

Oh, yeah. That's how they think it's how their minds work. We try it. You can say it's not your fault. Mom and daddy just don't love each other anymore. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong and you go on and on and on and on and for whatever reason.

Their little hearts are just not able to process that and they always think if I had done something different Mommy and daddy would have stayed together. This has been the devastating fallout on children wounded by divorce a wound that we now know follows them even into adulthood so God knows best guys and gals.