Wedding Roles

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Welcome to No Compromise Radio Ministry. My name is Mike Ebendroth. Don't forget, you can write me, mike at nocompromiseradio .com.

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Or if you have other questions, just general questions, info at nocompromiseradio .com. We've got the

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YouTube site. If you're watching the YouTube, you already know that. But if you're just listening on iTunes or iPodcast, Spotify, you can go to the website, the

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No Compromise Radio website in YouTube. You can watch there. And we post a few things on Twitter.

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Oh, I have to tell you, I was so happy with myself the other day because the

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Twitter bio, by the way, No Compromise Radio is not an anonymous account. It's run by Pat Ebendroth.

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Just kidding. I wrote on the Twitter account, bio, my pronouns are law and gospel.

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I was so proud of myself. Mario's back there laughing. I'm like, this is the best.

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So anyway, Twitter account. I'm pretty much the one that posts on Twitter. Facebook, we don't post a whole lot, but every

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Wednesday, there's going to be a new show, Lord willing. We've got quite a few in the can. And so Mario Escobar's behind the scenes producing those.

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Shout out to Mario. And those are on Wednesdays. Monday's a rerun. Friday is the, Monday's the sermon and Friday's the rerun.

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So anyway, and the new book, hopefully will be out soon. King, talking about King Jesus, how the sovereignty of God changes everything.

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My friend, Justin Perdue has a new book out and it's something like forgiveness and how union with Christ changes everything.

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I texted him and said, I've already picked out my title. I didn't steal yours. The title was already picked out some time ago.

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And he said, oh, no problem, brother. So I guess there's a lot of books that change everything.

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Do we need more books on Christianity? I have no idea, but we're gonna give it a shot. I still have that parenting book that I'm working on, but my wife has one idea on it and I have another.

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I mean, we parented with consensus, but in terms of what the book should look like,

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I don't know how much consensus is there. And I'm close to getting Kim to come in, probably not for the video, but just for an audio recording on No Compromise Radio.

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So I've been trying for 16 years to do that. Today, I'd like to talk about something

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I don't think I've ever talked about on the show before after 4 ,500 episodes. And that is weddings,

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Christian weddings. And maybe from the very beginning, before we even talk about weddings, what about unbelievers' weddings?

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And so I want you to remember that marriage, wedding, it's a wonderful creation ordinance that God has given generously to both believers and unbelievers.

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And so if there's an unbelievers' wedding and you'd like to go, would it honor the Lord for you to go?

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Would it be good to support them and encourage them and celebrate with them? It is celebrating the goodness of God.

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In a similar fashion, when 1 Timothy 4 talks about marriage and foods, both are to be enjoyed by God who created them and we just give thanks.

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So if you want to go to a Christian wedding, you say, of course I do that, but what about unbelievers' wedding? Fine, if you want to go to somebody who's an unbeliever and they're marrying a believer, that's a horse, as they say, of a different color, but marriage is good as far as society.

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God created marriage and it's good for you to go. If someone says, well, I'm going to go to a homosexual wedding, that's not a real wedding and you ought not to go.

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You're going to have to say to them, I'm sure you know my convictions as a Christian and we love you.

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We want to be friends with you. We are friends with you and we're good neighbors, but I'm sorry,

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I can't go. And you know how I can't go. If I asked you to come on Sunday morning to the church that I go to, you'd probably say,

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I can't go. And so we have to make sure that we're willing to stand up and say, I can't go to that.

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I can't go to something that God has not ordained, even as a creation ordinance for unbelievers and believers alike.

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But today I want to mainly talk about Christian weddings, Christian marriages.

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And I officiated one last Saturday. I officiate one tomorrow. So I'm thinking a lot about marriage.

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So the first thing I want to talk about when it comes to marriage is probably the most difficult part.

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And that is roles. Husband and wife have different roles.

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Oh, you know what? Let me back up a little bit. I was searching for this in my mind, Mario, and couldn't find it. Here's what happens at the wedding.

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There's a processional. The pastor and the groom are already out there.

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By the way, there's all kinds of symbolism in marriages. And he, the man, the groom, is the covenant initiator.

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So he comes out first. And in the back is the wedding party and the special bridesmaids and probably walk down the aisle with the groomsmen.

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And the moms and dads have special seating. That's more symbolism.

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And then the father walks the bride down the aisle. And everyone stands, right?

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The mother of the bride stands and everybody else stands. I'm already standing with the groom standing. And she's walking slowly.

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And she's probably in white, more symbolism of purity. And her dad is walking her down the aisle.

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Why is the dad walking her down the aisle? Now, there's some exceptions here or there. Maybe the dad is deceased or maybe this, that, or the other, or there's remarriage.

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But most of the time, it's the dad walking the daughter down the aisle. And the dad is the head of the household. I know the world doesn't like to think that, but the dad is the head of the house.

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He should be a loving and kind man, but he is the leader. Husbands are the leaders of the family.

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Wives and husbands, obviously there's ways to work. And the husband, like a president of a company, talks to the vice president.

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They think, they pray, they do things, but there's one leader of the family. God has his ordained leaders in a local church called elders.

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They're male with deacon servers. He has his ordained ways. And so the husband, excuse me, the father walks the bride down the aisle.

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They get to the very front. And then I have them stop there. And then the processional stops.

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And I make a few greetings. This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

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This is a joyous occasion. Could there be a more festive celebration than the marriage of a man and a woman in God's holy ordinance and covenant of marriage?

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And I say a few things. Let us pray. Eternal Father, bind them, help them, bless them.

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Help us as couples who are married today to remember our vows. Help those, this, that, and the other. And I pray in Jesus' name, amen.

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Then I say, who gives this woman to be married to this man?

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And here's where people lose their mind. They lose their mind by saying her mother and I, her mother and I.

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My girls, I have three girls and a son. My son is a pastor. He's formally a pastor now, or an elder and pastor at Redemption Church, North County.

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That's North County in San Diego. I think it's the most expensive county in all the country. How am

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I gonna move back and help him in my later years when I retire? I mean, they give stuff away free in California, I guess.

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I'll just have to figure out how to get that free stuff. My daughters cringe when they hear her mother and I, my wife and I.

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Now, I know what you're thinking. Who's done most of the work? Probably the mom has done most of the work.

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She's the one, you know, in the nighttime when the kids are throwing up, they don't come to my side of the bed because I'll say, get over it.

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I wouldn't say that, but I'm not as sweet. I'm not as tender. I'm not as receiving as my wife. I would have to wake up and go to work.

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My wife wakes up at work. My wife goes out of town for two weeks and I've got the four kids. By the fourth day,

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I'm waiting for her to get home. I can't wait for her to get home to help. Just not kind of built for that.

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Obviously, the workload is with the mother, but the leader of the family is the dad.

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The leader of the family is the husband. And so the husband should say, and I'll coach every dad.

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I coach every husband. When I say to you, who gives this woman to be married to this man?

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You say, I do. Now, behind the scenes, you've already said, thanks, honey, for raising children.

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Thanks for what you do, everything else. But you're the one walking her down the aisle. And here's the symbolism. I, the father, whom responsible for my daughter, including her virginity, endorse this man to be the best man for my daughter.

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And daughters need a head. Daughters need a covering spiritually. Daughters need a dad.

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Daughters need a leader. And so now I'm passing my daughter to you because now my job is no longer head of my daughter.

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It's friend, it's dad, it's father, it's, you know, come all these other things. But you are the leader.

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You're the one now in charge. And so sometimes they hand each other. The father takes the hand of the daughter and places it in the hand of the groom and all that.

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But that's the first thing. And it's the first thing that most people are shocked with when they say, when the dad says, I do.

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One time I tried to coach somebody. He said he was a Christian man. And I said, you know, talk to your wife and thank her ahead of time, but say,

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I do. I mean, can you imagine 300 years ago, somebody in New England or 400 years ago, somebody in Germany or England saying, we do.

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It's like, what are people doing? So anyway, I coached this guy and he's like, yeah, that's right and everything.

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And I'll talk to my wife tonight. And then when I said, who gives this woman to be married to this man? He said, her mother and I.

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I can't force people to do the right thing. So anyway, that's what we do because it's symbolism.

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See, there's this symbolism and he hands the daughter over to the man and up she comes up on the steps of the church and the church building by the altar.

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I officiated a wedding last week. They had an altar. It was an Episcopal church. And actually the pastor,

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I guess, is she a pastor? She, the lady pastor said, if you need any help or you wanna know how I officiate weddings and all that other stuff, let me know and I'll help.

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And I just wrote back and said, I really appreciate it. That was kind of you. I've been doing this a long,

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I didn't say I've been doing a long time, but in my mind, I thought I've been doing a long time and I don't need to know where the altar is.

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Oh, funny story about weddings. I don't allow the couple to take communion together at the wedding.

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Now I used to, if you want a unity candle, that's good symbolism, but the symbolism of we wanna have our first Lord's supper together should be at Sunday with the communion of the saints.

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Not you two. We don't have communion separate. We have communion together.

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And so what happened was before I had my convictions that I have now, there was a couple here and they wanted to have communion together.

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Now, typically communion on the Lord's day, the ladies behind the scenes get everything put out.

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We have some non -gluten bread. We do welches. I mean, if it was up to me, I would have non -gluten and gluten and I would have on the outside ring alcohol, wine and on the inside, non -alcohol, but not gonna change it all now, but whatever.

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And it's all prepared by the ladies. They do it all. And I just show up and with my

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Lord's supper message. Well, the ladies weren't notified that I was gonna do communion.

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And so I'm about ready to walk out to a fishy. I think this is like 2005. And I realized no communion.

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Okay, quick find some matzah. One time it was snowed here like two feet and I couldn't get out of the parking lot.

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And a guy said, I've got four wheel drive. I'll come and get you pretty soon, but I can't get you until like 7 p .m. And it was dinnertime and I had no food around here and so I went and got the communion matzah bread and I figured if David could eat the show bread without getting hammered by the

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Lord, then I could too. So I had the matzah for dinner. I first tried to go to the nursery to find some goldfish, but I couldn't find any of those.

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So anyway, I have communion with this couple at a wedding, which I don't do anymore.

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No juice, no Welch's grape juice. You know, Welch was a

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Methodist pastor who tried to figure out how to get alcohol because he didn't want to serve alcohol in communion. I mean, really?

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I mean, even if you say you're one drink away from becoming a drunk again, I think if Jesus said, I'd like you to take a little bit of this wine and do it in my memory, you'd probably say yes, but that's another whole sermon, another

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YouTube. So I found some Diet Coke. And far away,

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Diet Coke could kind of look like Welch's grape juice, but I had to say to the couple, by the way, when you drink this, it's not real wine.

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It's not real juice. All right, so much for that. Mike Gaben wrote, No Compromise Radio Ministry.

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So what I do then at the wedding is I give a charge to the couple. And here's the next thing that I want to say.

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When the charge is given to the couple, there are differences. Men have a role in marriage.

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Women have a role in marriage. Husbands have a role in marriage. Women's have a role in marriage.

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And they're not symmetrical. They're not completely equal.

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So let's think through this a little bit outside of even the marriage ceremony.

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Husbands are told to love their wives like Christ loved the church, Ephesians chapter five, right?

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Yes. And wives in that section, do you think wives should love their husbands? Of course.

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But the section there, since the relationship is mirrored off Jesus loving the church and Jesus is the one who loves and sacrifices for God so loved the world he gave,

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Jesus gave himself, the church is to submit to the leadership of Jesus.

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And so since marriage is to reflect Jesus in the church, the husband loves sacrificially, the wife submits.

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Now that seems to be a bad word these days. That seems to be, I don't want to arrange myself underneath someone.

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And so therefore, even the vows and the charge to the couple are not symmetrical.

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I don't let the couple have a role in marriage. I don't let the couple write their vows. Now, some of my Indian friends, they don't say the

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V, they say a W. So I don't even let my couples that I officiate write their own vows, let alone their own vows.

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Because they will be number one, kind of therapeutic, feeling, romantic, that kind of thing.

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And we're having vows for what reason? Because marriage, while wonderful it is, it's difficult.

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When's the last time you had a vow? You give a vow when something's serious and you're gonna say till death do us part, for better, for worse, for richer, for poor, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others.

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I thou thee wed, I thee thou wed. You take vows because it's important.

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How do you pick a wife, young man? She should be a woman. She should have always have been a woman.

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She should be a born again woman. And she should be a woman who will keep her word. How do you pick a husband?

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Young women pick a husband who's a man, who's always been a man, who's a born again

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Christian. And among other things, spiritually, in terms of leadership, that he will keep his word.

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Because some days, because of external trials with the death of a loved one or death of a mom or dad or child or cancer or other things, or just not getting along, sin within a couple arguments, fights,

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I don't mean fisticuffs, I mean just verbal fights. You think, you know what? I'm tempted to flee.

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I'm tempted to break this up. But Jesus never leaves his church. Jesus died for his church and he'll never forsake her.

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I will never leave you nor forsake you. So we say vows because it's important. It's a covenant.

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I promise I'm going to do these things, whether I feel like it or not, whether my wife is in a wheelchair, she's from the neck down paralyzed, my husband, he's got some kind of problem, he dies young, whatever it is, till death do us part, we give vows.

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And so that's why I don't let the people write their own vows, because I don't think they consider the serious nature of the vows.

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Why even a vow? I'm in a covenant, why vow? I think Karl Truman said, the best marriages start with two funerals, dying to self.

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And Karl Truman also said, every marriage ends in tragedy.

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Now short of the Lord's return where you both go up to the heaven together, or if somehow you die together, one of you is going to die first.

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In the old days, I used to think to myself, I hope I die first. I don't want to be left alone. But that's not really good thinking.

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If love wants what's best for my wife, she should go to glory first, and I should be the one that's left.

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Right, Mario? That's a tough one. That's a tough one. Now it's hard, but to try to just think what's right and wrong,

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I want the best for my wife. I want to lay down my life for my wife. And so symmetrical vows aren't right.

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Let's think about it for a second. Since there is a leadership structure and the men are the leaders of the family and the wives are the followers, what about this?

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Why do you think Colossians says, men don't be embittered toward your husbands? And why do you think Ephesians 5 says to wives, respect your husbands?

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Well, if both are equal in function, and by the way, are both equal in Christ? Galatians 3 .28,

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absolutely. Are men more justified than women? No, same. Are men going to be more glorified than women?

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No, the same. Are men more reconciled to God than women? No, the same. Are men more redeemed by the blood of the lamb than women?

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No, the same. Are men more indwelled by the spirit of God than women? No, the same. There's no male or female in Christ Jesus in terms of before God, but the roles are different.

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That's all, there's different roles. I, as an elder, am no better than Mario as a person, as a

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Christian, but I'm an elder of the church, we have a different role. We're equal in Christ, different roles. And so husbands and wives have different roles.

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And if the husband is the leader, and now a follower, a wife, a submitter who doesn't, he could be embittered toward her.

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So the scripture says, if someone's following you and they don't follow righteously, they don't follow sinlessly, they don't follow in a good way, you could be tempted to be bitter.

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I can't believe she does that. I can't believe she won't go along. I can't believe she won't tuck herself underneath my leadership and trust in the sovereign

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God. I can't believe she's going to put up a fight. I can't believe after all this that I've done for her, that she's going to do that and you become bitter.

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It doesn't say wives don't be bitter toward your husbands. In the context of marriage, it never says that because he's not under her.

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Now it does say in Ephesians chapter four, you say, well, verse 31, it says, put all away bitterness. That's true in relationship between one another.

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Neither should be bitter. But in the context of how a marriage works, husbands, you're in charge.

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Don't abuse your leadership. Be a loving leader. Be a Christ -like leader.

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And when your wife won't follow you, don't be embittered. Asymmetrical, not the same, different.

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Wives, respect your husband. Now, should husbands respect wives? Well, yes.

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I can hear Aretha Franklin right now in my mind. R -E -S -P -E -C -T. But in the context of marriage, in the context of a husband and wife, never says husbands respect your wives.

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Why would a wife have to respect her husband? It's asymmetrical. Why? Because if the wife is in the inferior position, that is to say subordinate, that is a follower, that is submitting, and she has to submit to a husband who doesn't always do the right thing, who doesn't always lay his life down, who is not always sacrificial, who doesn't always nourish, who isn't always gentle, who isn't always loving and kind and wonderful, she is gonna go,

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I don't respect that guy. I have a hard time respecting a leader who's not sinless.

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It'd be one thing if he's like Jesus, I'll respect Jesus all the way and submit to him and whatever

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Jesus says goes. But when my husband doesn't act like Jesus, which in my marriage has gone quite a bit of the time, my wife,

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Kim, is told to respect. Respect him, not for his sinful actions, but respect him for his position that God has given.

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So I don't make vows that I let the couple make. I said, why don't you do those on your own?

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You can do that on the honeymoon. You can do that another time. You wanna write things up, fine. I also don't let them write vows because what if they were asymmetrical?

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What if they were biblical, but I just didn't like them? Then I have to tell a couple. These things that you're gonna vow to one another till death do you part,

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I don't really like. So I just use common book of prayer, 1646, whatever it is, 1649,

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Thomas Cramner. And I just use those. I do take out, I think I take out the obey part.

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I wonder if I'm gonna just pull ahead to one of those things. What kind of vows do we use?

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Here we go. Will you have this woman to be your wedded wife to live together after God's holy ordinance in the holiest state of matrimony?

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Will you, by the grace which God supplies, love her and lead her as Christ does his church, comfort her, honor her, and keep her in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only under her so long as you both shall live?

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That's to the husband, I will. To the wife, will you have this man to be your wedded husband to live together after God's holy ordinance in the holiest state of matrimony?

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Will you, by the grace which God supplies, love him, submit to his leadership as he imitates

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Christ, comfort him, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him so long as you both shall live?

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Then the husband says, repeating after me, the officiant, when

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I used to leave the house on Saturdays, and I would tell the kids, they're like, daddy, where are you going? I have to go to a marriage.

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I have to officiate a marriage. You're gonna go get married?

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I thought you're married to mom. No, I have to be in charge of it. I'm marrying two other people. I'm not marrying the other people.

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I'm officiating, I'm the officiant. Is that the word, the right word, officiant? No, I know what it is.

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Technically, I'm the solemnizer. I'm the solemnizer. Did you know the word seminary is where we get lined up rows like you're gonna plant seeds in a line, seminal, seed, and all the students line up in a row to learn at seminary.

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Did you know that? See, this is no compromise radio. You'll learn a lot of things. In the presence of all these witnesses, and most importantly, our

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Lord Jesus and you, I covenant to take you to be my wife, to have and hold, to stay forward for better, for worse, richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, to love, nourish, and cherish till death do us part.

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According to God's holy law, this is my solemn vow. Then the wife -to -be says, in the presence of these witnesses, and most importantly, our

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Lord Jesus, I covenant to take you to be my husband, to have and hold, for this day forward, better, for worse, richer, poorer, sickness, and health, love, cherish, and submit till death do us part.

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According to God's holy law, this is my solemn vow. I imagine that the unbelievers who come are choking when

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I say submit. I guess the old 1646 common book of prayer, or whatever it is,

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I think it said, love, submit, and obey. So today on No Compromise Radio, we're talking about marriages and weddings.

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Last, how would you describe heaven? How would you describe heaven?

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I mean, it's indescribable. There's more in the Bible about hell than there is heaven. So how do you describe heaven?

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You know, one of the ways that the Bible describes heaven, it says it's like a wedding. I mean, so just think, our weddings, like two -day deals.

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Some of the other cultures around the world, still seven -day weddings, and sometimes longer celebrations.

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It is family celebration. Typically, we have a wedding rehearsal.

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We'll have one here in just a couple hours, and then a wedding rehearsal dinner. Then the next day is the wedding, and then the next day is the wedding reception.

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And it is all expenses. It's all out. We just go for it. How do you describe heaven?

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Well, back in the day, and even today, one of the biggest celebrations you could ever have is a wedding.

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It's the feast. It's the food. Some of the best food I ever had at a wedding rehearsal dinner was just last week.

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And we had beef brisket, and this like five cheese macaroni.

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And this Caesar salad that was just drenched with this sauce. And I was eating that thinking, this is one of the best that I've had.

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The food, the family. Family flies in. It's a reunion. I got to see my son, my grandson, my daughter -in -law, friends, thinking about the sovereignty of God.

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That young man that I officiated the wedding of last week, I've known him since he was basically six months old.

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Fun, family, festivities, celebration. Listen to what it says.

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You want to know how God describes heaven in many ways.

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Let us rejoice, Revelation 19, and exalt and give him the glory for the marriage of the

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Lamb has come. And his bride has made herself ready. It was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure.

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And the angel said, write this, blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he said to me, these are the true words of God.

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How do you describe heaven being in the presence of God forever and ever and ever? It's gonna be like a wedding times a billion.

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All the fun, festivity, family, friendship, food, intimacy.

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It's all there times a thousand. And so when it comes to weddings and you get the invite,

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I hope you go and I hope you think God is good. God has given weddings even to unbelievers.

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God has given weddings for us as believers. And we attend and we realize I have different roles. And every time

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I go to a wedding and I solemnize one, I officiate one, I then say to Kim afterwards, I love you and I want to be a better husband.

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I kind of renew my vows as I do that. So today on the show, I just want to talk about weddings.

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I want to talk about asymmetrical vows. I wanted to talk about, aren't you glad God has given you a spouse if you're married?

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Aren't you glad? Aren't you glad you get the eternal glories waiting for you all because of Christ? See you next time.