TLP 83: Should You Consider Sending Your Son to Victory Academy for Boys this Fall? | Mark Massey Interview
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Join AMBrewster and Mark Massey as they discuss Victory Academy for Boys and what you can do to keep your children from falling apart during the crisis moments of their lives. Victory Academy for Boys Victory Academy on Facebook Support TLP by becoming a TLP Friend! Click here for our free Parenting Course! Click here for Today’s show extras. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Instagram. Follow us on Twitter. Follow AMBrewster on Parler. Follow AMBrewster on Twitter. Pin us on Pinterest. Subscribe to us on YouTube. Need some help? Write to us at [email protected].
- 00:00
- Far greater than where you choose for schooling is what you do to look at and engage the heart of your kid and Then speak into your child's heart's needs in a bigger way
- 00:15
- Welcome to truth love Parents where we use God's Word to become intentional premeditated parents.
- 00:23
- Here's your host a .m. Brewster today's the fifth installment of our education series so far
- 00:29
- We've discussed the parents role in education and whether or not you should consider sending your children to the public school Christian school or home
- 00:35
- School and for most people those seem to be the only options. However, I want to introduce you to a fourth option
- 00:41
- It's not for everybody, but it's definitely for somebody and your son might be that somebody I also want to point out that today's show is the longest one we've ever done and that's for two reasons
- 00:50
- The first is that making the decision to send your child to Victory Academy is not an easy one But second my special guest and I want to equip you to never have to send your child to a program like this ever
- 01:01
- To that end this episode will be well worth everyone's careful attention As most of you know,
- 01:07
- I'm the lead counselor at Victory Academy for boys in Amberg, Wisconsin The mystery was started over 30 years ago by Steve Schroeder who is a pastor of Grace for Life Bible Church in Illinois now
- 01:16
- For the past 20 years. It's been directed by Mark Massey and Mark is my special guest today to help us answer the question
- 01:23
- Should you consider sending your son to Victory Academy for boys this fall? But before we start there are three important things to understand
- 01:31
- The first is that I believe today's discussion will been be beneficial to all parents with all kids at all levels
- 01:38
- Yes, it's true. We are talking about a school specifically for teen boys But the principles we're going to cover today apply to everyone
- 01:48
- Secondly due to the nature of our program, it's good to know that every year We have students from all over the
- 01:54
- US Unlike your local Christian or public school Victory Academy is a boarding school program and we serve families from all over the
- 02:00
- US So this opportunity is not geographically bound and lastly, I just want to give
- 02:05
- Mark fair warning All right. My audience is no stranger to you I find myself alluding to you quite frequently and quoting you and so on and so forth.
- 02:13
- So, you know, just be afraid that's all All right, Mark, so the question is should our listeners consider victory as an option for their son
- 02:22
- What would you say is the major criteria they should be thinking about as they consider this question?
- 02:28
- I think the the bottom line is whether the parent feels like they are not having the influence that they want to have on their kid and that they're not able to if I could say draw them away from the unrighteous things and Continue to present truth and continue to draw the kids thinking into What is a biblical worldview biblical frame of mind?
- 02:56
- Now what type of an effect does this have depending upon your relationship with your kids?
- 03:02
- I say this because you know, I want to have influence in my kids lives regardless of how old they are
- 03:07
- I want to have influence in in the boys who come here to victory Specifically though with the person who might be thinking about sending their kid to victory
- 03:16
- Academy many of them have come to a certain place in their ability to influence and what are the
- 03:23
- What do you see with the parents who send their kids here? Where are they in regard to that level of influence? They're having well, we started certainly get different kinds if I could say it that way of parents or parents at a different place
- 03:35
- Some of our parents are what I would call really biblical parents They are both are Christians and they are attempting to train their kids in a good worldview
- 03:45
- That's biblical that that draws their kid toward Christ. And then we have other parents that maybe they're nominally
- 03:52
- Christian They like the idea of Christian things and maybe they attend church every month or so or not
- 04:00
- So they they're coming from a little different Practical worldview even though on paper their worldviews might be similar in some ways
- 04:08
- So what I see is I see that either parent whether it's the parent that is
- 04:15
- Maybe more living out a biblical worldview or the parent that's not
- 04:22
- I see them Understanding that their kid is kind of headed on his own path
- 04:29
- That is not necessarily a good path and the parents aren't able to They feel like they can't speak into their kids life a whole lot because the kid won't listen
- 04:41
- He's in bondage to his own sin he wants his own worldview because it feels good at the moment and the parents not able to Really even take the time to speak into his life or draw him in and engage him in some way that seems to be very limited and The parents are scared.
- 05:01
- They're scared They're not seeing any If I could say any turning back or even even looking back at the parents the kids on his own path
- 05:11
- And it's not a good one. As I've gone around telling churches and individuals about what we do at Victory Academy I've oftentimes said that we're the place for parents who have lost the influence with their kids
- 05:23
- But really I mean to be completely fair. That's not Totally the case because I mean families who've completely totally 100 % lost all influence in life of their child.
- 05:33
- Oftentimes the child has gone out of the house Whether it's a runaway situation or the the parents have just said, you know, this is just not working
- 05:42
- You know, yeah go live with your grandparents I mean there are many situations where I think the the child has has no care no regard at all zero respect whatsoever for his family as As even as people
- 05:55
- I think, you know, obviously we you know, we don't get this here at victory but I think kids who have gone to that degree are the kids who are physically abusing and and and hurting their parents
- 06:08
- Those people who you know, we hear about in the news and we say wow How could it even happen in the civil authorities have already been?
- 06:14
- In play for some time by the time a family gets to that situation too. Exactly. Totally So with that said
- 06:21
- I think like you mentioned it's kind of a lot of different degrees of influence there are some families who they don't have as much influence as they want, but they're able to Make some helpful changes in their child's lives and thinking and then there are other people who have less
- 06:39
- Less influence in their child's lives who are able to kind of do the same thing but then there are people who further down the list and so it ends up being a
- 06:49
- Degree thing but if you feel overall for you and your children if you feel overall that when for the most part as you
- 06:56
- Instruct them and guide them try to draw them back to truth all the things that we talk about on the show as you're trying To do them and parent them to the glory of God It's not resonating and not only are they not taking it due to their immaturity, but they're also rejecting it
- 07:11
- They're pushing back against it. That's the point where you're saying, okay I Don't think
- 07:17
- I'm able to influence this child the way I want to in a profitable way because what I'm doing Isn't working and that normally brings us to this idea of crisis
- 07:27
- I've heard Mark say on many occasions, you know that we we are dealing with teens in crisis and I'd find families in crisis
- 07:34
- I wondered if you talked to us a little bit about that Well, whenever I think of crisis, I think of something.
- 07:39
- It's out of control. It's we're not able to get it Under control and in a sense,
- 07:46
- I'm not talking about just Having a big thumb over your children. I'm talking about we feel like we're losing control of what is influencing our kids and we
- 07:58
- We get if I could say scared because we can't get it to pull back
- 08:03
- Be it they're on the phone. There's for us. We work with teenage guys a lot of times
- 08:09
- It's a girl that that comes into the picture all of a sudden the whole world changes and the whole attitude of the kid changes
- 08:16
- He's not interested in church anymore. He's not interested in dinner with you. He's not interested in being in your home You just happen to provide good meals and lodging
- 08:25
- That's a crisis. That's a crisis because it's It's like whenever we have an emergency scenario an auto accident or something like that All of a sudden we were driving down the road and everything was good, but there's a wreck
- 08:39
- There's a crash immediately, we we want 911 call we want to bring in all the resources we can because this we've got to Correct this situation because life is on the line
- 08:50
- I think sometimes to you know and to use the metaphor of the auto accident Sometimes things just come out of nowhere and they blindside you and I think that oftentimes that does happen in families however,
- 09:01
- I think what happens more often is You know, we're driving down the road in the car.
- 09:06
- That's always been reliable In fact, it's been reliable so often that we rarely take it in to have the tires rotated and we don't get it in when
- 09:12
- It's supposed to be gotten in to take care of the all the fluids and whatnot And we really haven't poured into the car
- 09:18
- We're the way we're supposed to because you know It's it's a reliable car and then we're driving down the road and a tire goes out
- 09:25
- Or or something else drops from the vehicle and it seems in the moment to have come out of nowhere but the reality is it was building up and building up and building up over time and I think
- 09:37
- Likely I think especially with the families we work with in our ministry. We see that very frequently. Yes, we get the phone call
- 09:43
- Yes, the parent sits down to Google us At that moment of highest intensity
- 09:48
- But the crisis moment that they see oftentimes was had many other crisis moments before that a moment when a child
- 09:56
- Was responsible to make a decision to glorify God to glorify self and they chose the wrong one
- 10:02
- Which made it easier to do it the next time in the next time and we didn't see it because overall You know, the child was pretty reliable and we weren't pouring in and influencing the way we were supposed to be up until that point
- 10:13
- Right, and we see Okay, we we have a bald tire on the car that that blows out and then that causes an accident
- 10:23
- Now we're in a major crisis whereas before we looked at the tire and went. Yeah, it's looking a little thin I probably ought to put that in the budget pretty soon and as parents
- 10:33
- We all struggle with having the time that we want with our kids and we may even budget it
- 10:39
- We may even say okay this Saturday. We're going to go and do whatever and then yeah then you find out that well your kids got to work that day or he's got a practice that day or a game or or something else comes up and Draws his attention away and you're you're sitting around the house having a bowl of ice cream by yourself
- 10:59
- Because the kids out doing something else and you and that was an opportunity lost so it's it's really and that causes that Blindsidedness that's where you're driving down the road and the tire blows it veers into the other direction you know a girl comes into the picture or a buddy that smokes pot comes into the picture or The guys down at the skate area, you know
- 11:21
- He starts getting into skateboarding because it's fun to go down there is fun to play on skateboards and stuff
- 11:27
- But it also Opens him up to a lot of free time free thinking time
- 11:34
- With people that are not necessarily going to influence the way you want them to Not even happens even in the school system, you know
- 11:41
- We've talked about sending your kid to a public school or a Christian school even homeschooling But even within the realm of the
- 11:46
- Christian and the public school system, you know Yeah, they're there and they're learning math and they're learning
- 11:51
- English and science and whatnot, but they're learning it from people who Have a certain worldview and so they're sitting under that person's authority for a number of hours sometimes a day and That influence is going to be there and those are the things
- 12:06
- I think that really catch us off -guard You know, I think most parents, you know your son or whoever brings a friend home and you know
- 12:13
- Your friends really into skateboarding and the friends like hey, can I take your son over to the skate park? And you're kind of thinking in your mind.
- 12:18
- What are the influences that might come into his life there, right? But you know we think about sending our kid off to school man
- 12:24
- We're rushing to get our kid off to school work. We're trying to get him there sometimes we're tempted to see how late we can pick him up or her up and Without even counting the cost.
- 12:35
- Okay. So what are the influences that your child's going to have in that class at that sports practice?
- 12:42
- In that band practice even in that AV Club While you know while I'm waiting to get off of work or on the bus toward the ballgame or in the
- 12:50
- McDonald's whenever the team is stopped to to get You know to get dinner. There's their influence is happening all the time
- 12:59
- Everywhere they go if they're just sitting in their room perusing their phone They've they've got an absolute open door of influence going right into their brains
- 13:10
- Really all the time now. That's that's one of the if I could say it one of the crises in America is just that Our kids are constantly being bombarded with thinking
- 13:23
- Influences that really aren't biblical. They're they're they're training in unrighteousness and the venues of that in our country right now are amazing and very very captivating the screens are just Captivating and I it's difficult.
- 13:41
- It's a very difficult. We're in a difficult place in that way so there are a lot of things that that can blindside us as parents and we want to Really Look at that.
- 13:54
- This is one of the one of the things I hope this interview accomplishes is just to encourage parents to Really think about what is influencing their kids.
- 14:02
- Amen. It doesn't really matter whether well, I shouldn't say it doesn't matter it matters
- 14:08
- What you choose for schooling but far greater than where you choose for schooling is
- 14:15
- What you do to look at and engage the heart of your kid And then make your adjustments with your life
- 14:23
- However, you need to so that you can speak into your child's hearts needs in A bigger way in a more crisp way now that may that may be time
- 14:35
- But you may already give a good chunk of time to your kids and and that's that's great But you may be doing things that aren't as important of an influence as some other things might be
- 14:45
- But when you get to the teenage years while While with children you can speak and they hear
- 14:52
- Because they have ears The teenager not so much because the teenager is evaluating everything.
- 14:59
- He's starting to think like an adult. He's starting to process things He's starting to get the connections between what you are saying and what you are doing
- 15:07
- It's that's where that that magical H word comes up Hypocrisy and you know and the kids they they'll they'll throw that hypocrisy card because I mean frankly
- 15:18
- We're all we're all saying live like Jesus and none of us are living like Jesus We're all failing at that So we have to be very careful, but we have to continually be looking for the way to speak into their lives.
- 15:31
- I Think two real quick points here back back to the idea of crisis I hope what this does is it shows you that unless Every single influence in your child's life is 100 %
- 15:42
- Christ honoring your child is in crisis and She's in crisis because she's being faced with world views
- 15:51
- That contradict God's Word or that have a slice of God's Word mixed with a slice of the worldly thinking which basically contradicts
- 15:59
- God's Word and She's in crisis because in that moment she needs to make a decision and this happens of children of every age
- 16:06
- You know two little you have your mother of twins and they're young twins and they're three years old and they're sitting there and one
- 16:12
- Of them has a toy and the one comes up and takes the first toy Well, the one who had the toy taken away it on a very low level
- 16:18
- Of course is functioning through life and you know what that worked for that other kid
- 16:23
- You know, I had the toy and that toy was taken and you know what I want it back So, you know what
- 16:29
- I'm gonna do. I'm just gonna take it back I'm gonna do what he did to me and even in that environment that child came to a moment of crisis
- 16:36
- Are they going to take the toy back? Are they gonna take it back and then smack the other kid over the head now?
- 16:41
- The the three -year -old doesn't think through it the same way that a teenager does which is why oftentimes we see it more in the teenagers
- 16:47
- But the reality is our children are in crisis because they have influences coming into their lives that are not a 100 %
- 16:55
- Christ -honoring And my second thing was Mark. I'm curious your kids actually
- 17:00
- I think in a way kind of go to all of the different school
- 17:06
- Educational opportunities that we're talking about in this series. You've got some kids in the public school You've got some kids who are homeschooled you have kids who are taking advantage of Christian school
- 17:16
- Opportunities and you also have kids going to a Christian college. So You know, your children are spread out, you know, their influences coming into their lives from all over the place
- 17:25
- You have a pretty good idea about the amount of influence you have in their lives So, how do you know how do you handle and facilitate all that in a
- 17:35
- Christ -honoring way? Well, we know that Proverbs teaches us that even a child is known by the things that he does
- 17:44
- Read that yesterday. I think it was Proverbs 20. I think it was Proverbs 20 the reality is
- 17:50
- I have five children from 11 to 20 and they each require a different type or a different Different dynamic of engagement at times.
- 18:05
- They all require time They all require good thinking insightful conversations even the 11 year old requires insightful conversations we we my wife and I have to work at Where where is my kid at and and I can see that By what he does.
- 18:29
- Mm -hmm. So I may not know the full struggle that's going on in his heart, which is important for me to Acknowledge because I may have a kid that the acts on the outside He's being a selfish pig, you know in some way he's not really not caring for the people around him a brother or sister or Or it may be
- 18:54
- Someone else one of the one of our students there may be an interaction with one of our students They're not being kind and patient with or whatever.
- 19:01
- I Have to think through what his actions are and then challenge his actions
- 19:09
- Then if I if I've got a good relationship with the kid if I've if I am relationally engaging all the time
- 19:16
- If I challenge what he's doing, he's going to do his best to reveal his heart to me
- 19:24
- Because he wants me to understand why he made the decision he made or why she made the decision she made That is that's fantastic because it gives me an opportunity to speak into his heart.
- 19:34
- Not just his actions The actions reveal the heart but that it doesn't reveal the whole heart
- 19:41
- It may reveal that genuine struggle like Romans chapter 7 talks about I've got the nature inside of me
- 19:47
- That is old and corrupt and I've got this new nature because I'm born again and those two natures are at war with one another and I see that whenever my teenage son doesn't respond well to my teenage daughter and I get frustrated with each other on on a
- 20:08
- Personal level for little intricate details like doing the dishes Or or your kids struggle with that too
- 20:16
- Wow, oh man yeah, or or taking out the trash or cleaning the rooms or taking care of the last responsibility they were given and Those responsibilities often overlap whenever there are no dishes to eat dinner on because the dishes haven't been done or Because there's junk laying around on the counter in the bathroom so the next person can't get in there and do what they need to do they just want to get a trash can clean the counter off and move on and So so getting not just to what they're doing the actions
- 20:48
- But having understanding that the actions reveal heart struggle now I want to learn the heart so that I'm not harshly speaking into or putting in Demands that they change behavior
- 21:01
- Yes, I want to change behavior but behavior is One of the keys that reveals heart and heart is what
- 21:09
- I'm after The dishes will get done. We'll you know, we'll they may not get done on my time schedule, but they'll get done the room will be clean or it won't and we'll all survive but what we won't survive is a heart that's corrupted and Continues to be trained to be selfish because I'm not engaged as a parent and challenging that thinking
- 21:32
- Is there they'll go on in their own and as we know in Proverbs you you can't leave a child to his own
- 21:38
- His own way is a deadly way. It's a terrible way and we we've been given the glorious opportunity to step in and challenge in a kind way in a gracious way, but to challenge their thinking and encourage them to really see what's behind it
- 21:55
- So then they begin to loathe Wow, I was really unkind. That's a pretty lousy heart.
- 22:01
- I want to be a kind person I know that pleases God and and that's because I'm born again.
- 22:06
- That's what I want So I want to be kind But that I didn't see that as unkind, but you're right dad.
- 22:13
- That's unkind This is such a huge topic, you know knowing your children being able to tell okay
- 22:20
- So my kids away at school eight nine hours a day when they come home, you know How do I know if my influence for Christ is really?
- 22:28
- Working in their lives to fight against the negative influences they have at school. I encourage you this
- 22:35
- I mean This is so huge. We started talking about this back in episode 5 I encourage you to go back and listen to it if you have and it's called removing the mask
- 22:42
- For ways to better understand your child so that you know, if you're when you guys you're asking yourself, okay
- 22:47
- Well, how much influence am I really having in my kids life? Hopefully these will help you along with the things that we're talking about today to figure that out
- 22:54
- Also episode 4 is called don't lose your influence I wrote that information down specifically because you know
- 23:02
- We work with so many families who have lost influence I just kind of work through For those of us who haven't yet or for those of us who really want to gain it back
- 23:11
- What do we need to be doing? And that's again episode 4. I encourage you to look at don't lose your influence And so again, this is important regardless of the age of your children
- 23:20
- What influences are in their lives understanding that they are in crisis moments and that three -year -old is not going to respond in a
- 23:27
- Christ -honoring way In fact, if my child is unsaved if they're rocky or if they're thorny or if they're hard -hearted
- 23:33
- They can't respond in a Christ -honoring way, which is why God put us into their lives God gave us parents to them so that we can help work them through These situations that they're in help them to see how
- 23:46
- God wants them to respond to influence them And so that influence arises out of the fact that we need to realize our five -year -old our seven -year -old our 13 year old our 22
- 23:55
- Year old they are all in crisis moments and that we need to parent them through that But the last thing is specifically
- 24:02
- I think for you parents out there who you say my kids a terrorist and he just so happens to be 13 years old or he's you know
- 24:10
- He's in senior high and he's definitely a terrorist and I'm listening to what you're saying and it's all resonating with me
- 24:15
- My kid is obviously in crisis I think he has more crisis Situations in his life than most kids do and he's responding worse to them than most kids do
- 24:24
- I try to influence but I realize that it's not really working What do
- 24:29
- I need to do? And this episode is not here to convince you to send your kid to Victory Academy for boys
- 24:36
- Actually, what we really want to do is we want to just give you more information so that you can make the best
- 24:42
- Decision for your family and that may involve Victory Academy, but Victory Academy is not big enough for everybody whose teen is in crisis
- 24:48
- So we understand the fact that this is not God's will for everybody So for those of you who we can help and serve here at Victory Academy, we would love to do that We're gonna have all the appropriate links and phone numbers for you
- 24:59
- Listed in the description or links to the places where we can get the phone numbers We definitely want you to get in touch with us
- 25:05
- If you think that this ministry can help your family and help you in particular get back to a place of influence in the life of your child
- 25:12
- But there are some steps I think before that that maybe you shouldn't consider we've talked about them being in crisis
- 25:19
- We've talked about them needing that influence but beyond influence is this idea of engagement
- 25:26
- Mark, why don't you talk to us a little bit about how a family who's realized that they're in this and honestly
- 25:32
- It really it's for all of us. We all need to be engaging but Specifically how parents who are working with a terrorist child in this difficult situation where they're losing their influence
- 25:41
- How can they take this idea of engagement perhaps to help fix things? Before a step like sending your son to victory
- 25:49
- Academy. Well, there's there too well for one thing I I think going to the the four kinds of soil that you mentioned a few minutes ago and And looking at okay.
- 26:02
- I've got a kid who's hard or he's stony or he's thorny We just cleared some land out here at the
- 26:10
- Academy and boy did we ever it is a we we if rocks were gold Or if they were even copper, we would be millionaires here this we have rocks everywhere
- 26:20
- But you know, it takes a lot of work It takes a lot of time It takes sometimes specialized equipment to get stuff moved out of the soil so that we can actually grow something if Your kid is
- 26:41
- Has his heart packed full of rocks and thorns and hammered down solid soil
- 26:51
- Somewhere you got to start taking those rocks out Somewhere you got to start pulling weeds and that and that's hard work.
- 26:58
- A lot of times weeds don't want to come out A lot of times the rocks are they're packed in that hard soil.
- 27:04
- It's packed in with rocks is We we get heavy equipment. We have heavy equipment and break it up sometimes we get the pry bars out and and Little shovels to to dig little little pieces of dirt out so we can get the rocks out
- 27:18
- So it is a lot of work to cultivate the soil into what is good soil
- 27:25
- So so to to look at how we're going to do that It's really
- 27:33
- It's really forcing the influence for good back into his life
- 27:39
- And you've only got a few options because if it is truly hard rocky thorny soil
- 27:44
- There's not much room in there to plant the good things So it's it's really forcing your way in it may be ripping a weed out
- 27:53
- It may mean you know what son you can't have the internet access at our home anymore It's just you're not going to have it
- 28:01
- You're not going to have your phone you know, it may be pulling out snatching out some of those weeds or some of those rocks and and Giving opportunity.
- 28:11
- Okay now he's bored All right. He doesn't have the ability to surf
- 28:16
- Facebook for four and a half hours in the evening. Well, well Yeah, he may not be super stoked about You filling that four and a half hours however
- 28:28
- It is four and a half hours And if you have the ability at this point in his life to control that that well
- 28:33
- Which a lot don't but if you do that's an opportunity God has provided sees it
- 28:39
- Be intentional be intentional with with what you can do. How can you influence?
- 28:45
- Maybe maybe you need to bring others into your lives That are good influences that may mean more church attendance
- 28:52
- It may mean being engaged if there's a Christian guy that's running the scouting program or a martial arts program or a soccer program, you know a good
- 29:05
- Christian coach That's going to be a good influence In courage Do all you can to encourage his involvement in those kinds of things.
- 29:14
- Don't just sign him up for it either I mean, yeah, we need to be there transparent him. Yep. We need to be engaging as well but you also need to be transparent sit down with that coach and And be honest.
- 29:25
- Hey, I'm losing my son's heart Yeah, I want him to learn how to play soccer But will you please view him as a discipleship opportunity, maybe even evangelistic opportunity?
- 29:35
- I think that that humility that we need as parents to be Transparent like that is super important.
- 29:41
- So that as we onboard other people, we're not just kind of doing it on the sly We're intentionally and they're intentionally stepping into my child's life to have that that influence yeah, that that will create an accountability with your coach or Teacher or whatever whoever it is that okay
- 29:57
- We've got a program going here and it really doesn't have that much to do with soccer You know, I mean we I love to watch my kids play sports but Boy, is that ever secondary to their character?
- 30:08
- And if I see poor character on that field, I'm gonna confront it as a parent I'm gonna confront it if it's my child,
- 30:14
- I'm going to confront it and work on it so I I do want to be very clear that our
- 30:21
- Goal is to get the influence back ourselves as parents because we're given the primary responsibility
- 30:29
- However, there are times that the relationship is very poor between parent and child and The first step is going to be just getting some good influence into their lives
- 30:41
- I I've used the term a council of influence before and What I mean by that is as a parent
- 30:49
- I look at every resource I have Every resource in my community every resource in my family every remote resource that might be in another part of the world any resource of influence
- 31:01
- That can be engaged in my kids heart. That might be a friend that you know, that's a missionary in China.
- 31:08
- It may be An uncle that's that's an aerospace engineer in California It really doesn't matter who it is, but looking for who can influence his life and connecting with them
- 31:21
- And as Aaron said moments ago Transparent I need your help. I am losing this kid.
- 31:28
- I don't feel like we have any influence in his life Could you please step in and I'm not asking them to step in and build you up as a parent
- 31:38
- Ask them to step in and build up Christ Because Christ is the answer. You're not the answer.
- 31:43
- Mm -hmm you are a tool that God is using to rescue this kid from the pit of hell and And as that you really don't if I could say you really don't care who the influence is
- 31:57
- Whatever influence God can use to draw his heart toward Christ is what you want.
- 32:03
- But you have you've been put into that key position as a parent to to Engage and see the need that the kid has and look at how we can influence him and that that may be through a whole bunch of different people that Aren't you?
- 32:20
- Yeah, and that and that I think is is While we don't want to just say, okay,
- 32:25
- I've got him in Sunday school. I've got him in youth group I've got him in Christian school. Okay, everything should be good.
- 32:31
- That ain't gonna work that that does not work if that works It's by God's grace. It's not by your work and you're the one given the responsibility as a parent so the deal is like like Aaron was saying to engage and be
- 32:44
- Transparent with your coaches and your teachers and that kind of thing I'm gonna say another step that you can take in that is to be actually engaged in the activities with your kid
- 32:55
- Not just dropping them off But staying and watching practice as boring as that may be in some ways
- 33:02
- It does give you something to communicate and connect with him about hey, I watched you do that That was an amazing goal you had right there or wow
- 33:11
- You kind of got run over by number 74, right? Whatever. It's it's learning You've got more to talk about and more to engage in and there is nothing that says care as much as really engaged focused time
- 33:28
- It just takes it. It's it's like I've heard someone say before that Quality time is only found in quantity time
- 33:37
- You don't just show up and have quality time It takes that quantity of time within which that's found.
- 33:45
- So being engaged in every way that you can most most Most little kids soccer teams are gonna love to have a parent that's willing to tote the stuff out there
- 33:56
- That's willing to take the the little midgets downfield and run them and you know help them
- 34:01
- Figure out how to kick the ball without doing the Charlie Brown thing I mean, there's there are certainly things that you as a parent have to add into a situation like that and be engaged with that coach and teacher or organization leader or whatever and and I mean think outside the box in some senses, too you may see an influence like a neighbor to to two roads over or whatever that Your kid mows the grass for and your kid respects him, you know engage with that guy and or family and and build
- 34:39
- Everywhere you can see an influence for positive Work to build that influence and keep the kid engaged in that and like I said earlier
- 34:48
- This is not just for the families who's you know Who found that their child find their child with pornography or found their child with marijuana?
- 34:55
- this is for everybody if you take everything that we've talked about today and You're you're doing that preemptively you're doing that before The tire blows out and the car problem started a long time before you showed up with pot exactly
- 35:09
- Getting to your child engaging in them when there doesn't seem to be an issue And I think this just kind of falls into parental laziness
- 35:16
- I'm listening to what mark is saying and I'm realizing that you know what Heath Lambert said it Tim Challis said it We're all saying it.
- 35:22
- We've got to be intentionally engaging regardless of whether there's a Presenting problem in their life or not because guess what?
- 35:29
- They're human They're human which means they have a sin nature which means they're making choices that don't glorify God and listen
- 35:34
- We here at Victory Academy are in a very interesting position because there's not a single person on this campus
- 35:40
- Who wants your kid to have to come here? We would love it If you if a family camp or a weekend of counseling or any of the advice that we've given you today
- 35:49
- We're able to get you back into a place where you're able to influence your children and there were not a single child in the
- 35:55
- Entire world who had to come to Victory Academy, you know what we would find something else better to do Now we're here because there are people who do need to come here
- 36:03
- And if you or your children to participate in the ministry like what we have amen, we'd love to serve you in that way
- 36:08
- But I hope you understand our heartbeat today really is yes Should you consider sending your kid to Victory Academy and some of you may have to answer yes to that question
- 36:16
- For those of you who say I don't know yet Great. Hopefully the things that we've given you the importance of the fact that they are in crisis that they need your influence and you've got to be premeditatedly intentionally disciple makingly
- 36:31
- Engaging in their lives now before there's a problem. Well, praise God keep your children from needing a place like Victory Academy or Needing a place beyond Victory Academy, you know a place like a lockdown facility or the state penitentiary
- 36:47
- So that I think is our greatest Heartbeat and I like I said before I'm gonna provide all the necessary links in the description
- 36:54
- So any of you who are interested will be able to learn more about Victory Academy for boys I also encourage you to give them a call
- 37:01
- Mark's wife Lynn handles many of those calls and she and Mark will be able to answer all of your specific family questions
- 37:07
- In order to provide you some more guidance about whether or not this is a decision that you need to be making And potentially maybe some decisions you should think about making before taking this step and Mark I want to thank you so much for joining us today.
- 37:20
- I really appreciate it I'm so glad I finally was able to drag you in here. It's good to be here. Awesome before Mark takes off I want to encourage you to listen to episode 20.
- 37:29
- It's entitled 10 things parents miss I basically work through an article that Mark wrote and I believe it's vital for all of us to hear so that we don't miss these
- 37:36
- Things please join us next time as we wrap up our discussion on education for now Our next episode is entitled the future of Christian families and higher education
- 37:45
- The thought of your little ones heading off to college may seem very distant to you But that makes this discussion that much more important the landscape of Christian higher education has changed so greatly in the past 10 years
- 37:55
- In fact much of today's research is showing that higher education in general may not be the answer of the future
- 38:01
- But is that research accurate? Are there conclusions sound and what does the future really hold for Christians in education?
- 38:08
- Please join me next time as I interview the president of Bob Jones University Dr. Steve Pettit and don't forget to like Victory Academy for boys on Facebook and while you're there
- 38:17
- So I gone over to like truth. Love parent as well You can also follow us on Twitter and you can find me on Twitter as well at am
- 38:24
- Brewster Whether your child is an ambassador or a terrorist God will help you decide what educational options are best
- 38:31
- But you need to submit to him and utilize his wisdom and don't forget. We're here to help.
- 38:37
- Have a great day truth love Parents is part of the ever mind ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional