The Denominations Make a Hallmark Movie

you appear to be having some trouble. Can I help? Yes, I'm Sally Deepwater and I'm on my way to the

Southern Baptist Convention. My car stopped and I don't know what to do. I just have to get there.

I'm a messenger from Generic Baptist Church. Well, you couldn't have found a nicer place to break down in,

Sally Deepwater. My name is Jedediah Sprinkle and this is Presbyterian Pines, a superior small town.

I know a little bit about cars and I can tell it's going to take at least a day to get the parts that you need from the Big Eva Multiplex Mega Church Mini Mall and Auto Parts Emporium over in Big City.

So since you have time, why don't you let me take you down to Squirrely Joe's and warm you up with a great cup of coffee.

This town is so interesting. Is everyone here? Yes, Sally.

We're all Presbyterian, but that doesn't mean we're all the same. Like, look, there's Brother Joel.

He is Orthodox Presbyterian. They're very serious and they hardly ever laugh, but they love to read.

Hi, Brother Joel. And there's Hendrick.

He's Associate Reform Presbyterian. He's a good old boy. He really enjoys psalm singing and drinking sweet tea.

Greetings, Brother Hendrick. And there's

Lyle. Lyle's PCUSA. He's very progressive and most of the things he does and says just makes the rest of us furious.

Who are those people in the distance drinking beer and singing psalms? Oh, them. Yeah, that's the

CREC. They're new around here. Some of our people don't really think they belong here, but that's okay.

They're working on their own town up in Idaho. Listen, Sally, we've been talking for hours and I just feel a deep connection with you.

Do you think this could be love? Jedediah, I know what I feel for you in my heart, but we're from two different worlds.

It will never work. I'm a Deepwater and you're a Sprinkle. I'm so sorry. But Sally, didn't you hear my excellent treatise on superior theology?

I love you and I know you would love it here in Presbyterian Pines. I love you too, but I just can't.

Sally, don't go. One condition.

Name it, Sally Deepwater. You have to baptize our babies. You know

I will. Can I get lipstick on me?

One more time. It's good. That's better. And singing psalms.

You put your finger in front of your face. Where should I do it? Down here? You can use your other hand to where it's not in front of your face.

Shut up. I'm a little... Who are those people in the distance?

Why are you doing it like this? Don't put it through your face.

All for love. All for love. Vandal from the