Church Soup Ep:2024-10 (David Platt, Kat Kerr, Steve Lawson, and more!!!)

Welcome back to Church Soup, the greatest evangelical news show in the history of the Internet. I'm your host,

Keith Foskey, the Harbor Freight Doug Wilson, King of the Amillennialists, and, little known fact, the coach of the 1988

Jamaican Bobsled Team. Here at Church Soup, we take church -related news and events from around the

Internet, mix them together into a hearty stew, and serve them up in about 10 minutes.

Our top story, a new documentary dropped recently featuring David Platt and the ongoing drama surrounding

McLean Bible Church in Washington, D .C. Platt, who rose to evangelical stardom after the publishing of his book

Radical in 2010, is now being accused of manipulating the church into allowing woke ideology, running roughshod over the church's longstanding ministries, ignoring the input of its members, and taking the church into the

Southern Baptist Convention in opposition to the church's constitution. Having watched the two -part documentary,

I can say that there's one part I found extremely puzzling. I know many pastors who are currently fighting the difficult battle of leading their congregations out of the

SBC, while David Platt may be the only pastor in America who's actually in trouble for trying to get his church into the

SBC. He's like a guy climbing out of the lifeboat and swimming back and trying to re -board the

Titanic. In technology news, Tesla CEO Elon Musk recently unveiled their new

Optimus robot, a humanoid machine which he bragged will be able to perform all kinds of tasks, including watering flowers, walking the dog, mowing the lawn, and even retrieving packages left on the porch.

At a potential price of only $20 ,000, three of the largest SBC churches in the

United States are already planning to have their entire deacon board replaced by Optimus robots by 2035.

David Platt has also stated that he's looking into what it would take to give the Optimus robots voting rights in his church, and if that happens, he'll be ordering an entire fleet of them.

With Halloween fast approaching, it's no surprise to see churches attempting to find some kind of a way to connect their message to the holiday in an attempt to stay partially relevant.

Enter Church by the Glades in Coral Springs, Florida, where the service featured an explorer being chased around by a mummy before the entire stage was filled with creatures clad in linen doing a choreographed dance across the floor.

There's even a point in the song where the explorer says he is a, quote, wolf in sheep's clothing, which may be the most self -aware moment during the entire service.

You know, I'd like to think that there was some kind of theological metaphor being presented regarding man's deadness and sin and the need for salvation, but I think that that would be giving them way too much credit.

However, one positive thing I can say about this production is that Tom Cruise no longer has the worst version of the mummy ever performed.

Pastor Jamal Bryant, leader of New Birth Missionary Baptist Church in Lithonia, Georgia, expressed interest in growing cannabis as part of a broader initiative to expand his church and create economic opportunities.

In an interview, he mentioned his idea to use New Birth's expansive land for a cannabis farm, aiming to connect with younger generations who may not be traditionally drawn to church.

I'm looking for people that smell like weeds. New Birth is the largest land -owning black church in America.

And so my position to my deacons is why aren't we not raising cannabis?

This might be the greatest example in the history of church marketing of what you win them with is what you win them to.

One problem they probably don't foresee is that if everyone in the church is using cannabis, there's no way they're going to be satisfied with those tiny wafers and small cups of juice during communion.

Episcopal priest Ethan Alexander recently posted a video of himself in a tank top and rainbow -colored cowboy hat dancing to Beyonce's Texas Hold 'em while words affirming

LGBTQ flashed across the screen. Unfortunately, copyrights don't allow me to play the music from this video, so I've decided to replace it with something else that I thought was more appropriate.

Now there's not a lot I can say about this video, except that if I had the choice between being forced to listen to a sermon from Ethan Alexander or being wrapped in soiled hospital linens and force -fed unseasoned ramen noodles, it wouldn't be a hard decision.

Kat Kerr made the rounds on social media again, this time claiming that she and Donald Trump have a texting relationship and that she was texting him the day that he was shot.

Twenty minutes before he was shot, he texted me from the platform as one of the prophets he trusts.

Is there anything else I need to know to share with the people? He meant from God. Now I have no idea if she has ever had any direct contact with Trump or if he is in the habit of sending and receiving text messages right before a campaign rally.

But what I do know is that with what little public attention I have, I am very hesitant to give out my cell phone number.

So I can't imagine that one of the most powerful men in America gave his number to this person.

What's more likely is that a person claiming to be Trump convinced Kat Kerr through a text message and is now pretending to be

Trump in all of these conversations. Kind of like a parent who tells their kids that a text came from Santa Claus.

So the whole time Kat Kerr thinks she's talking to Trump, she's actually talking to Earl in Albuquerque, who's in between shifts at the

Waffle House. When I hear things like this from self -proclaimed prophets, I'm always reminded of the question from Dr.

Frasier Crane. What color is the sky in your world? Tolian Trevigian, grandson of Billy Graham and former pastor of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church, preached a sermon recently where he defended his use of a very specific curse word, which he said was actually a prayer when used correctly.

Let me give an apologetic for the word ****, okay, which is my favorite cuss word, hands down my favorite cuss word.

People over the years call me out for using that and I make a very compelling case that it's actually a very theologically driven prayer if it's used properly.

Listening to this clip, I was surprised to learn just how well my father used to pray while working on his truck.

Actually, if you watch this clip with no sound, you can imagine that what he's really doing is arguing with his buddies over whether or not they're willing to be seen with him in public wearing that shirt.

Watching this actually makes me think that Tolian Trevigian is what Mark Driscoll would be if he were a

United Methodist. Also, this might be the most literal I have ever been when

I said I hope it was a blast for him because it was certainly a blast for me.

In athletic news, the debate over transgender athletes in women's sports has reached yet another arena, this time the world of competitive pool.

Harriet Haynes and Lucy Smith, both transgender players, went head -to -head in the semifinals of the

Ultimate Pool miniseries women's tournament, igniting concerns over the need for policy adjustments, possible restrictions, and the fairness of prize distribution.

In August 2023, the World 8 -Ball Pool Federation, yes that exists, ruled that only players born female could join women's events.

However, by October, the policy changed to allow those who identify as female for at least four years and can show proof of reduced testosterone levels.

Isn't it amazing how in just a few generations we've gone from men who are willing to storm the beaches of Normandy to men who are willing to storm the felt -covered tables of the

Ultimate Women's Pool tournament? A representative from ESPN8, The Ocho, is quoted as saying, women's bowling is next.

In sad news, noted pastor and conference speaker Steve Lawson has stepped down from ministry after an official statement was released saying that he had been in an inappropriate relationship with a woman, not his wife.

It's unfortunate that many men have fallen into sins like these and damaged their ministries, but the situation with Steve was especially hard on those of us who have sat under his teaching and felt like we knew him personally.

Following the letter put out by Steve's elders, a conversation erupted online over the question of the

Billy Graham Rule, which states that a man, especially a minister, should never be alone with a woman who is not his wife.

Even Al Mohler, in his discussion about Steve Lawson, reiterated the importance of this rule. Many people have said that this rule is archaic and should not be followed because it means that a woman will not be ministered to as effectively or have the same opportunities as men.

However, many ministry leaders, including myself, consider it a reasonable rule which provides a safeguard against any accusations of impropriety.

In fact, I think in this age of gender confusion, it's time to introduce the Billy Graham Plus Rule, which states that we should never be alone with anyone except our wives.

Or for the ultimate in ministry integrity protection, the Billy Graham Platinum Rule, which says never be alone.

Ever. That last one makes trips to the bathroom very awkward, but I guess if it's okay for women to go to the bathroom in groups, maybe it should be okay for men too.

Can you imagine that conversation? Hey, Bob, I've got to go to the bathroom. Would you like to come? No. No, I wouldn't.

And I don't think I want to be friends anymore. By the way, you ever wondered why women actually go to the restroom in groups?

Because in the event of a toilet paper emergency, they will actually ask one another to share. Men, on the other hand, are conditioned from childhood to not speak to another man in a public restroom.

Ever. A man would take off one of his socks before saying, Hey, Bob, can you spare a square?

Men know when it comes to public restrooms, you're on your own. Finally, in political news, we're only a few days away from the election, and both sides are already claiming it is going to be a landslide victory in their favor.

Donald Trump surprised many with his three -hour interview on the Joe Rogan experience, which was met with mixed reviews.

Opponents saying it was nonsense, while supporters saying it was a stroke of genius. I just can't help but imagine what it would be like for a person in 2005 to be told that in 2024, the host of Fear Factor and the host of The Apprentice would be meeting together for the most important political discussion of the year.

Or imagine going all the way back to 1995 and say it was the guy from news radio who was interviewing the guy from Home Alone 2.

2024 is Thunderdome. Trump also made headlines by working at a McDonald's for a few hours while on the campaign trail, with pictures going viral of him working the

French fry station. Afterwards, many of his opponents complained that this was just a publicity stunt, claiming that Trump didn't actually do any real work because the

McDonald's he was at was closed during his visit. Now, I personally find it ironic that Trump's opponents challenged him for doing a fake job at a

McDonald's for three hours, when their candidate has been faking it at her job for three and a half years.

Speaking of Kamala Harris, she has been hard at work on the campaign trail as well. As we get close to the election, she's taken to questioning the mental fitness of her opponent, throwing out accusations that Trump is no longer mentally able to handle the rigorous responsibility of the presidency.

This could be a reasonable issue to raise if it were not for the fact that up until five minutes ago, she was encouraging us all to vote for this man.

And Corn Pop was a bad dude. Gotta have my pops. Thank you for watching this episode of Church Soup.

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