Mark Driscoll's Interpretation of Christianese

Well, Mark Driscoll has a recent blog post entitled

How to Interpret Christianese. How to Interpret Christianese.

Now, I agree that there are some statements, there's some jargon that evangelicals throw around that you could describe as Christianese, but there was a couple of things in this that I thought were noteworthy.

One was that in this blog post,

Mark Driscoll inadvertently proves that vision casting is totally bogus.

Now, I don't think he set out to do that, but it's really easy to do when you've got a false doctrine out there.

The Bible nowhere teaches pastors to cast vision for everybody to get behind the vision and stuff like that.

Nope. You ain't going to find a single biblical passage that teaches that, but Mark Driscoll, he's one of the guys out there teaching other pastors how to be pastors of vision and to cast vision, and of course, along with that comes the mandatory thing, and that is you got to throw people under the bus if they're not on board with the vision.

This is all documented here at Fighting for the Faith. So in this piece, he inadvertently totally debunks vision casting, but then there's this litany that goes on.

Y 'all familiar with that one psalm that there's always a refrain, the steadfast love of the Lord endures forever?

It'll say something, and then the steadfast love of the Lord endures forever, the steadfast love of the Lord endures forever. Yeah, this blog post has a litany kind of similar to that, but it's kind of on the pervy, creepy side.

Let me read. Mark Driscoll writes, it says, how to interpret Christianese. I know many of you who read this blog are new to ministry leadership.

I consider it a great honor to make any deposit, so thanks for allowing me that privilege. So who's he writing to?

Young, seeker -driven leaders, if you would. When it comes to ministry, some things can only be learned through experience.

One example is the ability to translate Christianese into English. So I thought

I would provide a handy lexicon of sorts to help accelerate your development. Number one, here's the first phrase,

I prayed about it. Okay? Driscoll writes, this is what a Christian means when they're about to throw a fit, but want it to look spiritual instead of childish.

He or she is hoping that by saying the word pray, that it'll overwhelm you with awe at their deep spirituality and cause you to fall into a catatonic state where you nod your head and agree to let them say or do whatever they want.

And if a single guy says this, it means that he wants to sleep with his girlfriend.

Now, by the way, the litany that you're going to be listening for is that last sentence. If a single guy says this, it means he wants to sleep with his girlfriend.

So the I prayed about it, if a single guy says it, that means he wants to sleep with his girlfriend.

Phrase number two, the Lord told me. Now, the phrase number two, the Lord told me, this is where Mark Driscoll, whoops, inadvertently debunked the whole vision casting thing.

I'll explain here in a minute. So when you hear somebody say, the Lord told me, here's Mark Driscoll translating.

He says that what this translated means is I want to do something that you don't want me to do, so I'm pulling rank on you by saying that Jesus sent me a text message, but did not include you on the message, which means if you disagree with me, you disagree with Jesus, so you should be humble and let me do what

I want because you don't want to disagree with Jesus, do you? And if a single guy says this, it means he wants to sleep with his girlfriend.

Okay, now let me explain how this debunks vision casting. So Driscoll's saying that whenever somebody pulls the

Lord told me card, that's totally a ruse, okay, to pull rank and basically deflect criticism.

That's the idea. Well, isn't that what vision casting pastors do? You know, hey, why did you open up your

Easter service with ACDC's Highway to Hell? Well, the Lord told me, Jesus told me to do it, which basically means, translated according to Driscoll, I want to do something that you don't want me to, so I'm pulling rank on you by saying that Jesus sent me a text, but did not include you out on the message, which means if you disagree with me, you disagree with Jesus.

So if you disagree with, you know, the shenanigans and antics of seeker -driven leaders, these vision casting guys, they always pull the vision card, well, that's not the vision

God gave me. Well, here Mark Driscoll in number two of this

Christian knees lexicon totally debunks the entire premise and methodology of, well, vision casting.

Weird, huh? Well, again, we got that litany at the end there. If a single guy says this, it means he wants to sleep with his girlfriend, okay?

Number three, if a Christian says to you not to be rude, here's the translation, I'm about to assault you,

I will likely yell at you, make horrible things about you, and then I'm going to ruin your life.

I've already sent an email to the entire church slash ministry with a lot of exclamation points and out of context

Bible verses connecting Judas, you and the Antichrist as the false Trinity sent to deceive the whole world on the last days, deception.

And if you hear these words, buy a helmet and sleep with one eye open. And if a single guy says this, it means he wants to sleep with his girlfriend.

Why that litany at the end? Weird. What is his obsession with sex?

Number four, with all due respect, so if you're a Christian, say with all due respect, his translation of this

Christian statement is, I have no respect for you, I despise you. And if it were not a crime,

I would do horrible things to you. And I still might anyway, if I can find a way to avoid getting sued or arrested,

I have already gossiped behind your back. And I already sent the mob out to look for pitchforks, a rope and some matches.

And if a single guy says this, it means he wants to sleep with his girlfriend. Have any of you found that guys, single guys who want to sleep with their girlfriends say the phrase with all due respect?

Weird, huh? Okay, number five, phrase number five, I know you are really busy, but okay, now some

Christians are good at making people feel guilty so that they can manipulate them to get what they want. Practically, what they're saying is,

I am more important than anyone in this ministry. I am more important than your family. I am more important than your health.

Whatever else you have to do, you need to drop it all right now and take care of me. If you don't, it's because you're unloving and not like Jesus who loved people.

And if a single guy says this, it means he wants to sleep with his girlfriend. Um, really?

Huh? Weird. Number six, no offense, but now just as an anvil falls on the head of an unsuspecting victim in a cartoon and someone yells duck just a second too late, no offense, but is what a

Christian says right before they drop an anvil. Uh, what this means is that he or she has been planning to offend you and now will be offend, uh, offending you while at the same time trying to get you to sit there and endure the whole offense by confusing you with the words, no offense.

It's a diversionary tactic. Like when a bank robber sets off a smoke canister to distract the guard while emptying out the till.

And if a single guy says this, it means he wants to sleep with his girlfriend. Why does that keep showing up?

Number seven, I don't mean to be divisive, but I don't know anybody uses this phrase.

I don't want to be divisive, but everybody I know will completely deny being divisive. I, on the other hand, have no problem saying, yep,

I'm divisive. I teach doctrine and doctrine divides. Yep. Get over it. Okay.

So, uh, number seven, I don't mean to be divisive. But here's the translation. I already recruited a faction to join me.

We've taken all of our nice people in the church ministry as hostages underneath our choir robes. We have explosives, duct tape on our chest.

And if we do not get what we want in this hostage negotiation, we'll ignite the whole church.

And if a single guy says this, it means he wants to sleep with his girlfriend. This is like a bad lexicon and like bad advice.

And this is written to young church leaders. Scary. Yeah. This is bomb advice here.

Okay. Number eight, at my last church, they. So if you hear somebody say at my last church, they, okay, now, now what is, um,

Mark Driscoll do with people who say at my last church, they, well, he throws them under the bus. Yeah.

In fact, I think it's probably good to remind people of what it is that Driscoll has said regarding this.

And here's Mark Driscoll explaining how he handles the people who oppose his vision from God.

And remember that's from number two, though, the Lord told me, but listen, here's what

I've learned. You cast vision for your mission. And if people don't sign up, you move on.

You move on. There are people that are going to die in the wilderness and there are people that are going to take the hill.

That's just how it is. Um, too many guys waste too much time trying to move stiff neck, stubborn, obstinate people.

Um, I am all about blessed subtraction. There is a pile of dead bodies behind the

Mars Hill bus. And by God's grace, it'll be a mountain by the time we're done. You either get on the bus or you get run over by the bus.

Those are the options. Ah, what a pastor's heart he has. Yeah. Get on the bus or get run over by the bus.

Okay. So at my last church day, this, this is a statement that could get you thrown off the bus at Mars Hill.

Um, so let's, his translation, it says when divorced parents get remarried and the kids really want to work their new dad for something such a, such as a new phone, monster energy drinks before 1am bedtime agreement to shoot off fireworks and airsoft guns in the house or a new video game console, they talk about how awesome their first dad was.

This puts the new dad in the tough position of caving in or running the risk that the kids will hate him and, and riot because he's a bad dad.

When a Christian leaves one church family for another, uh, they like to do the same kind of thing.

And if a single guy says this, it means he wants to sleep with his girlfriend. Do you know any single guys who've used the, at my last church, they let single guys sleep with their girlfriends excuse.

I, I have not met any of those guys. Maybe I don't get out much. Uh, then the last one, the last one, a number nine, number nine.

Some people have recently talked to me about quote fill in the blank and the Lord laid it on my heart to bring it to you.

And here's his translation. What people actually mean is that although they are not officially a leader in the church, they have formed enough of a mob that they are now a de facto leader, kind of like a terrorist with a cell of sleeper operatives with hidden identities.

This cell and beds in your church and remains unknown until the things start to blow up.

And if a single guy says this, it means he wants to sleep with his girlfriend.

Again, I, why that constant needs kind of pervy, creepy. If you ask me, uh, finally,

I know some of you will struggle with this blog post, but I assure you that I prayed about it and the Lord told me to write it.

I did not intend to be rude, offer these thoughts with all due respect. And I know you are really busy and I want to consider it just strange blog posts, absolutely bizarre blog posts whereby he, which he is officially creeped me out and, uh, and at the same time inadvertently debunked the entire concept of, well, vision casting, but what have you do?

Yeah. But isn't it weird though? Kind of the underlying subtext of all of that is, is that if any buddy in your church, if you're a seeker driven leader and any, anybody comes to you with any sort of criticism, this blog post teaches these young seeker driven leaders to just blow you off.

Nothing you say is valid. The leader is above reproach.

The leader isn't accountable to you. And I don't care how you phrase your criticism, whether you say the

Lord laid it on my heart, I've heard these things or whatever that he's basically there, there, there are no godly critics in the eyes of seeker driven leaders.

If you attend their church, they're the leader, they're above reproach, they're not accountable to you.

And don't you dare, don't you dare come to them and expect them to listen.

To you gripe or complain or moan and carry on about any of the things that you perceive are going wrong at the church.

The subtext here is there is no godly criticism and there is nothing that anybody can say to you that is actually valid.

What regardless of what their criticism is, pretty much they're going to start with these nine different Christianese statements.

And because Mark Driscoll has taught all these young leaders out there that you can just blow all this stuff off and if somebody's coming to you and they're a single guy, that means they want to sleep with their girlfriend.

None of the motives are actually pure, none of them are right, none of them have anything to do with God at all.

You can just ignore them, blow them off, make fun of them, doesn't matter. Nothing they say, nothing a critic says is actually true.

That's the overall subtext, if you would, of that entire blog post.