Love Is An Essential Thing - [Song Of Solomon 8:5-14]

Well, good morning and it is again a delight to be with all of you today and I had a great time being with you this weekend and so thank you for your encouragement to me and I'm grateful for what

God is doing up here and excited about what the future holds for this wonderful church.

Let me invite you to take your Bible and join me in the book, The Song of Solomon, Chapter 8.

Song of Solomon, Chapter 8, a book of Hebrew poetry. So we need to keep that in mind as we try to understand and interpret the various figures of speech.

Also, a book that I think has to be understood in a sweeping flow from Genesis Chapter 2 through Genesis Chapter 3 to Ephesians Chapter 5.

In other words, I think that what you have in The Song of Solomon is a poetic rendering of what

God intends for marriage to be as it is beautifully expressed in the book of Ephesians Chapter 5, which we examined over the last several days.

Several years ago, my wife and I had the joy of being part of the newlywed game, actually it was older folks that were doing the newlywed game and I must say with some degree of pride and I'll need to repent of this later, we destroyed all the other teams.

I mean, we absolutely demolished them, waxed them, kicked them to the curb, slammed them. It was not pretty.

We so annihilated all of them. And one of the reasons was two questions in particular just were right down our alley and allowed us then to carry the gold ring across the finish line.

One of the questions was, they asked my wife, what is the last thing that your husband has fixed in your home?

Well, I had a mechanical bypass at birth, so I don't fix anything.

I can't cook, I can barely change a light bulb, which is very dangerous because you might get shocked and it will burn your hand if you do it at the wrong time.

And so I just don't do anything like that. And so they're asking me this question and I'm thinking, what have

I done in the last week? Nothing. What have I done in the last month? Nothing. What have I done in the last six months?

Nothing. What have I done in the last year? Nothing. What have I done like our entire married life? Nothing.

And so I can't come up with anything, but I'm trying because obviously she's got something there on the card. And so finally, the moderator said, well, you've got to say something or we're going to move on.

And I said, well, can you say nothing? The crowd went into histrionics with applause because she held up a card.

Nothing. She absolutely knew exactly what her husband had done in terms of fixing things around the house.

But then we came to the bonus question. And the bonus question was, what is your husband's favorite book of the

Bible? Which is a really good question. And one of the ladies said, well, my husband's favorite book is

John, but he said Romans. And another said Philippians, but he said

Revelation. And then they came to me and I have to again confess to some pride here because I said, you know, this is really unfair because I know that sitting in her lap on that card on the other side, she has written down the

Song of Solomon. And sure enough, she held up the card, the Song of Solomon.

Now you say, why do you love this book? I love this book because it's about romance and marriage.

It is a book that depicts beautifully in poetic meter the relationship that should exist between a man and a woman.

That is, of course, analogous to the relationship that should exist between Christ and his church.

And so I have written actually two different books on Song of Solomon, including the one that your pastor mentioned a moment ago,

God on Sex. It's a popular verse by verse study going through the Song of Solomon. And so I thought it would be appropriate for us this weekend to at least look at one section of Scripture.

And so in chapter eight, verses five through 14, you come to the final paragraph, the final section of the

Song of Solomon. Now, if you say, well, where is that book? Well, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon.

You get into the prophetic books, Isaiah, Jeremiah, look it back to the left and you will find it there.

And what you have is the in a sense the Old Testament counterpart to First Corinthians chapter 13, because if I were to ask you on an exam, where are the most significant chapters in the

Bible on the topic of love? Well, you should say First Corinthians 13 and you might even also add appropriately

First John chapter four. But in the Old Testament, it would be Song of Solomon, chapter eight, verses five to 14, which in particular are talking about love within the covenant relationship of marriage.

And so look at what we read beginning in verse five of chapter eight, and I'll kind of make a little comment along the way, then go back and walk us through these verses verse by verse.

Who is that coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved? And so you have a picture of Solomon and Shulamith, his wife, as they are coming up in the royal chariot and people see them and she's leaning against him in an affectionate kind of a way under the apple tree, the sweetheart tree of the ancient world.

I awakened you there. Your mother was in labor with you there. She bore you who was in labor.

Then she begins to speak. Set me as a seal upon your heart. Set me as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave.

Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the

Lord. So says the ESV. We'll come back and address that phrase in a moment. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.

If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.

Well, now her brothers step in and speak. And this is basically something of a flashback.

We have a little sister and she has no breath. She's a small girl. What shall we do for our sister on the day when she is spoken for?

What will we do in anticipation of the day that she is going to marry? Well, if she is a wall, we will build upon her a battlement of silver.

But if she's a door, we will enclose her with boards of cedar. Well, she hears the challenge that has come from her brothers.

And so she responds. I was a wall. Now my breasts are like towers.

Then I was in the eyes as one else. Then his eyes is one who finds peace.

The Hebrew word shalom. Solomon, she says, had a vineyard at Belhamon.

He let out the vineyard to keepers. Each one was to bring for its fruit a thousand pieces of silver.

But my vineyard, my very own is before me. You all saw them. They have the thousand and the keepers of its fruit.

Two hundred. Then he responds. The only time he speaks at the end of the book, it's one verse.

Oh, you who dwell in the gardens with companions listening for your voice. Let me hear it.

Then she responds in conclusion. Make haste, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of spices.

Heard the story of a young teenage boy that went to the drugstore, walked up to the druggist, and he said,

I would like to purchase from you three boxes of candy, one pound, three pound and a five pound box of candy.

The druggist said, well, I can accommodate you, but you might have to ask why. And he said, I'll be glad to tell you. I have a date tonight with the most beautiful girl in our high school.

I mean, she's a fox. She's a babe. She is drop dead gorgeous. And I've been in love with her for years.

And I finally worked up enough nerve to ask her out for a date. And she said yes.

Now, unfortunately, the first date is going over to her house. Got to meet her parents.

But after we get to the house and after we have dinner together, if I can maneuver things,

I'm going to get her out of the house, out on their front porch, because there's a swing out there. And it's really quite romantic.

And if I can get out there with her alone. Well, I have some real goals for our first date. And I'll tell you, before the evening's over,

I get to hold her hand for a while. I'm going to give her that one pound box of candy as a gift when

I leave. But, you know, I will tell you, I do have higher goals than that for our first date.

And if I get my arm around her, get to squeeze and hug her for a while, I'm going to give her the three pound box of candy as a gift.

But I'll tell you, if before the night's over, things go well. And I get to give her a big old kiss right on her mouth,

I am going to give her that five pound box of candy as a gift. Well, the druggist sold him his three box of candy, wished him good luck.

And and he went home and he did. Now, listen to me, guys. I don't care if you're these teenage boys over here or you're the oldest codger in this room.

He did what smart guys do before they date their girl. He took a shower and he used some shampoo and some soap.

He got out of the shower and he brushed his teeth. He used mouthwash. He put on deodorant.

He put on cologne. He put on nice, neat, clean clothes. And guys, I've come to understand they always like us better if we smell good and taste good.

They just do. And so he did what a smart guy does before he dates his girl. Went over to the house and they visit for a few minutes in the family room.

And then the mother said, time for dinner. And so they came into the dining room. They sat down and the father looked at the young man and said, son, why don't why don't you ask the blessing?

Folks, this young man asked a blessing. I mean, this young man knew how to pray. He prayed five.

He prayed 10. He prayed 15 minutes for that meal.

Finally, he said, amen. And when he did, his date looked at him and she said, my goodness,

I had no idea that you were so spiritual. He said, yes, I had no idea your daddy was the druggist either.

Love is a wonderful thing. Love can be a dangerous thing and love can even be a confusing thing.

And love is especially a confusing thing when we get it confused with this thing called infatuation.

Came across an article just a couple of years ago that sets a good foundation for us moving into the text.

And it draws some really insightful contrast between love and infatuation.

Listen very carefully. Infatuation leaps into bloom, but love usually takes root and grows one day at a time.

Infatuation is accompanied by a sense of uncertainty. You are stimulated and thrilled, but not really happy.

You are miserable when he is absent and you can't wait until you see her again. Love begins with a feeling of security.

You're warm with a sense of his nearness even when he is away. Miles do not separate you.

You want her near, but near or far. You know that she is yours and you can wait.

Infatuation says we must get married right away. I can't risk losing him.

But love says don't rush into anything. You are sure of one another.

You can plan your future with confidence. Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement.

If you're honest, you will discover it is difficult to enjoy one another unless you know it will end in intimacy.

But love is the maturing of a friendship. And I love this statement. You must be friends.

Before you can truly be lovers. Infatuation lacks confidence when he's away.

You wonder if he's with another girl when she's away. You wonder if she's with another guy.

Sometimes you even check. Love means trust.

You never are assuming you may fall into infatuation, but you never really fall in love.

Infatuation might lead you to do things for which you might be sorry, but love never will.

Love lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up.

It makes you a better person than you were before.

Solomon thinks love is so important. It is the final theme of this eight chapter book.

And what I want to do is walk you through these verses very quickly and show you about 12 different facets of love that you can find in this final section of the

Song of Solomon. Number one, love is public.

It begins there in verse five. Who is this coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved?

Solomon and Shulamith are in full public display as they are riding in the royal chariot.

She's reclining against his shoulder, showing that she is both relaxed in his presence. She is also secure in his presence.

Now, the fact that they're coming up out of the wilderness may have some symbolic significance. Some have said perhaps it is picking up on the theme of Israel and their 40 years of wandering in the wilderness.

And now it's being applied to marriage. You say, what would you why would they say that? Well, if you read through the book, you know that for the most part, it's been good.

But in chapter five, they do hit some rough spots and they begin to have some difficulties.

And you see, the fact of the matter is every marriage, no matter how good it is, is going to have some bad days. There are going to be some difficult times.

And the issue is, what do you do with the difficult times come? Do you throw in the towel or do you stay with it?

And do you have that unrelenting commitment that no matter what, we are in this to the end and we're in this for life?

They've stayed through it. They've worked through their difficult times. And so in a sense, they're saying we've come through the tough times and we're still together and we've come through the tough times.

And we are glad for the whole world to know that we love each other and that we belong together again.

I think what you have in the song of Solomon is a beautiful, poetic description of marriage as it was intended back in Genesis chapter two before the fall.

And as we then see it in Ephesians chapter five, where you have a wife submitting and a husband loving his wife.

Well, and so the effects of the curse, in a sense, have been reversed. They've been done done.

And now you see a redeemed relationship with a man and a woman wonderfully together.

Frederica Matthews Green says this, and I think it's a brilliant statement. Quote, Women need men to call us up toward the highest moral principles.

But men need women to call them down to the warmth of human love and respect for gentler sensibilities.

It is clear that we need each other. You would almost think someone had planned it that way.

And so there's a sense in which in this book, Solomon and Shulamith from the beginning, in the middle and the end, want us to understand and know that they are indeed committed to each other and that they love one another.

Love is public. But secondly, love is private. Verse five continues under the apple tree.

I awakened you and it's a feminine verb. So it is the bride, the wife, Shulamith, who is speaking under the apple tree.

I awakened you and there your mother who was in labor with you there. She bore you the one who was in labor three times in the book.

Chapter two, verse seven. Chapter three, verse five and chapter eight, verse four.

We are told not to awaken love until it is the right time. That is a way of telling us that we are to avoid premarital sex.

We're to avoid extramarital sex. We're to avoid a natural sex. No sex is a good gift from a great

God. But it's to be enjoyed within the covenant of marriage. Well, in the ancient world, the apple tree was the sweetheart tree.

And so in a sense, in a very tactful and in a very tasteful way, she is inviting him to be with her under the apple tree.

I awaken you. It is there that your mother was in labor with you. There she who bore you was in labor.

And so she is simply extending to him an invitation for intimacy because public affection, gentlemen.

Well, most often lead to private intimacy, because when a woman feels secure in her relationship with her husband, then she also feels secure in giving herself to him in the love relationship.

So, yes, love begins publicly. But love also has, thank God and praise his name, that wonderful private component as well.

But number three, love is also personal. Look at the first phrase there in verse six.

Set me as a seal upon your heart. The seal was a extremely important and personal item in the ancient world.

You would put your seal on something as an indication of ownership. You would put your seal upon those things that were valuable possessions to you.

And so she went back to simply saying, I want to know that I am indeed your most personal and your most valuable possession.

She wants to be a seal, but not where she wants to be a seal. I want to be a seal up on your heart.

So in saying that, she is simply affirming, I want to know that you have a unbreakable devotion and you have an unbreakable commitment to me.

And that most precious place in your life is reserved specifically.

Yes, even exclusively for me. Set me as a seal where upon your heart love is personal.

Number four, love is protected. Set me as a seal upon your heart.

Set me as a seal upon your arm. Well, of course, the arm is a symbol of strength.

It's also a symbol of security when you take your arm and you wrap it around someone and draw them close to you.

And so Shulamith again is saying, I want to experience and know your strength, your security.

I want to know that I am indeed a personal possession of yours. You see, in true love, in true love, there's always a sense of security.

There's always a sense of safety. You actually have the ability to just rest and enjoy that relationship.

And I'd also add this is just a word of insight. I think that true love does have a protective attitude.

I do believe that you want to protect. You want to use your strength to shield your mate from anything.

That would be hurtful, painful, destructive and damaging in that relationship.

A little food for thought here. One of the most lethal weapons that many times afflicts marital relationships is sarcasm and chipping away at them with sarcastic barbs.

I'll tell you something that is especially lethal when you do it in front of other people.

No, you and I should be about the business of taking pride in each other. We should desire to protect each other.

We should indeed have a love that seeks to to to keep them away from anything that would hurt them or harm them or bring any kind of damage to them.

Now, I will be the first to acknowledge. That is something we grow to do over time.

It is not something that we know initially are in the early stages of marriage. At least many of us don't.

I know in my own life, as I shared the other night, my marital radar system was just under construction in the early days of our marriage.

And the fact of the matter is it did not move forward very well, very quickly. One example that just to this day,

I still can't believe I did. When we first got married one Saturday night, we were going to have dinner and Charlotte put on the table some really nice looking sandwiches.

And then she put down this Tupperware thing that when you opened it up and looked inside, if you had a a great imagination and you had the aid of a magnifying glass, you might think that what was in there at one time resembled potato chips.

But they were so crumbled up. You see, when we first got married, my wife was the queen of frugality.

Now she grew out of that. But when we first got married, she was extremely frugal and she would throw nothing away.

She would save everything. Of course, we were poor, so it was helpful. And so she saved these crumbled up stale potato chips.

And so I looked in there and I said, I don't want these. They're too small and they're stale.

I want some nice potato chips. And sweetheart, when I came by the pantry, I looked in there and I saw a brand new bag of Lay's potato chips that have never been touched by human hands.

And I would like those. And so my wife said, well, sweetheart, when these are gone, you can have those.

Well, that was not the answer that I was looking for at all. And so I said, well, darling,

I don't want these. They're too small and they're stale. And I'd like some nice new crispy potato chips.

And she said, well, Sugar Dumplin, when this container is empty, you can have some of those.

And so I did something a man would only do in his first year of marriage. I stood up from the table.

I took her Tupperware thing and I dumped those potato chips in the kitchen floor. Well, I know, ladies, easy back.

I know. I know. I know such a man ought to die. I don't understand. And I said to her, it's empty now.

Why don't you go get the other ones? Oh, no, I know that's that's double death. I understand that. And of course, none of you will be surprised to know that, number one, she did not go get the other ones.

And number two, she didn't do a number of things for several days around the house. I mean, it was just not good.

And so you said, well, that wasn't very protective and very. No, no, it was not sensitive. It was not protective.

It was just something you'll do when you're 21 years old and you just don't know any better.

I mean, you know, those are the kind of things you learn in those old early years. And so I've learned over time to pay more attention to where she is, pay more attention to what she needs, pay more attention to her personal dispositions and moods as they come and go and up and down.

And we're all wired that way. And so I've come to understand that there is indeed a protectiveness that ought to be extended in relationships that are very, very, very tender.

All right. Number five, love is also possessive. Like what he says there again in verse six, love is as strong as death and jealousy is as fierce as the grave.

Love is as strong as death, jealousy as cruel or unyielding as the grave.

Now, what does he mean by that? Well, first of all, I think he means this. Just like death is universal, so is love.

And just like death is unavoidable, so is love. He uses the word strong here the only time that it is used in the entire

Song of Solomon. It has the idea of an immovable defender. One commentator said it is an irresistible assailant.

Quote, when love calls, its siren sound is so compelling, you cannot resist it.

Love never releases those whom it has once truly seized.

We're going to see in just a moment that this kind of love that is present within a marital relationship is a love actually given to us by God.

But there is a troubling phrase here that we have to unwrap. He says, and love is jealousy, comparing it to jealousy.

Jealousy is as fierce as the grave. There's that Hebrew parallelism going on here.

Love is as strong as death. Jealousy is as fierce as the grave. So in a sense, he uses the word jealousy to give us some kind of insight into the word of love.

Now, in our English way of thinking, jealousy is usually a negative word, isn't it? We don't think of jealousy in terms of being positive, although it's actually using a positive sense.

In James chapter 4, where the Bible speaks of God having a jealous love for us. In other words, he's not going to share us with anyone.

We're to be devoted to him and to him only, and he wants that kind of exclusive relationship. Well, that's what it means here.

Jealousy is parallel to that phrase, strong as death. And so it speaks here of a strong emotional attachment, a strong emotional attachment to a particular person, or it can be to a particular thing.

But here, of course, it's talking about the kind of strong emotional attachment that you should have for your man.

And in the context of this strong emotional attachment, then you have the ideas of possessiveness, you have the idea of exclusivity.

And what he's saying is love swallows down men and women once it lays hold of them so possessively, and certainly, it's just like the grave.

In fact, Page Patterson said it this way, in godly love, a righteous jealousy is as hard or inevitable as is the grave.

It will not let go. In other words, once the grave has your body, it's not giving you back.

It has you, and it has you forever. When I was in high school, perhaps like many of you,

I had coaches that took great delight in putting before us a theme that went something like this, when the going gets tough, what?

The tough get going. Now, that may be true, it probably is, but this

I do know for sure. When the going gets tough, love keeps going.

Love will not quit. It will not throw in the towel. It will not walk away.

Even when things are hard and rough and tough, love keeps going.

I've often said, and it is absolutely true, that in the 33 years, almost 33 years that we've been married, not one time, not one time, not one time, have

Charlotte or I ever considered a divorce. Murder has entered our mind on several occasions, but the idea of divorce has not even one time ever, ever, ever entered our mind.

Now, here's what's good about that. You are going to have some bad days. You are going to have days, again,

I have permission, where you have to call the church on Sunday morning and tell the church,

I'm not going to be able to be there, and you need to get this person, this person to take my place because my wife is not feeling well this morning, and I need to be here with her.

And she wasn't feeling well. You say, oh, does she have a headache? No. Does she have a stomachache throwing up? No. What'd she have?

She had a crying spell. She had locked herself in the bathroom, and she was wailing. You say, what'd you do?

I don't know, but it wasn't good. I mean, she's in there with one of those, you know how women can sometimes cry where they almost start hyperventilating?

You know, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. She's doing that for like 45 minutes, and I can't get her out of the bathroom.

You say, you're kidding me. Oh, I'm not kidding you. It happened again. It happened this time when a couple came to the front door. We're living in Dallas, and this couple that we had been mentoring.

Oh, yes, we mentored them before they got married, and we showed them how to have a godly, wonderful, Christ -filled,

Holy Spirit -anointed marriage. And so one Saturday, I don't know what happens, but she's back in the bathroom.

Door's locked. She's doing the cry, and here comes Tim and Cindy. So I go back there, and I said,

Charlotte, get out of that bathroom. I said,

Tim and Cindy are at the front door. You take care of it. So I go to the front door, and I said, hey, guys, how you doing?

Oh, great. Just thought we'd stop by. I said, well, I'm glad you did. You know, it's just kind of not a good time.

Oh, that's OK. We understand. Come back later? Yeah, come back later. What time? Oh, about four weeks from now. About four weeks.

I'm pretty confident that we will have worked it out. Worked through the issues here and fixed them.

And you're saying, you're telling me that as a man who has been called by God to preach the gospel and model for all of us what it means to walk with Jesus and have a good marriage and a good family, you've had things like that?

Oh, yeah, I've had things like that. If you say you haven't, you're a bald -faced liar. We all have things like that.

We all have bad days. Question, what do you do when they come?

Well, I got news for you. If the back door is nailed shut and there's no walking away, you basically have one of two alternatives in life now.

You are stuck because divorce is not an option. The back door is nailed shut.

You're stuck. Now, you can be stuck and be sad, or you can be stuck and be happy.

I don't know about you all, but I like happy a lot better than sad.

I do. But guess what? Happy requires work. Happy requires hanging in there no matter what.

He tells us here that love is possessive. It won't let go. It will not let go.

But now, number six, he tells us love is powerful. Verse six, its flashes are flashes of fire.

The very flame of the Lord. The NIV says love burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.

And so the focus and the emphasis upon its power and its intensity, the intensity of the flame, it is a flashing fire.

It is the very flame of the Lord. Now, that's how the ESV translates it. Most of you don't have a translation that has the word

Lord in it. It's not in the King James. It's not in the New American Standard. It's not in the NIV.

It's not in the New King James. You say, why? Well, here's something very interesting. Technically, the name of God does not appear in two books of the

Bible. Esther, Song of Solomon. You say, well, it's right there in the

ESV. I'm going to get there. But technically, the name Elohim, the name

Yathwe, it's not in the Song of Solomon. So someone said, what an interesting book.

God's nowhere to be found. No, no, I would beg to differ. In chapter four, verse one, through chapter five, verse one, you have a beautiful description of their wedding night.

And it says at the end of chapter five and verse one, someone suddenly speaks from the outside and in essence says, what

I see taking place has my blessing and my pleasure. And I am glad and I rejoice in what

I see. And so I raised the question, who would have been in their wedding chamber on their wedding night other than Solomon and Shulamite but God?

And so I believe God is the one who puts his hand of approval upon what he sees in their wedding chamber on their wedding night.

I believe God is there, though he may not be mentioned specifically by name. Well, here in this text, the phrase there that you see in verse six, the flame of the

Lord, the word flame is the word, but it has a very interesting suffix.

And at the very end of the word for flame in Hebrew is an unusual addition that we would pronounce

Yah, Yah, not Yahweh, Yah.

But does it take a lot of imagination to realize that if you want to speak of Yahweh in a shorthand way, you would simply use the first part of his name,

Yah. And I actually think the ESV is correct. I think the ESV has captured what is being said here.

And what he is saying is in marriage, as we seek the Lord Jesus Christ as the head of our home and the

Lord of our lives, God will himself give us a love that is like a blazing fire that cannot be put out.

You say, you really believe that? Not only do I believe that, I have the joy of experiencing it. I loved my wife,

Charlotte, when we got married at the age of 21 and 19. I really believe

I loved her as much as any 21 -year -old can love anyone. But today

I'm 54 and she is 52. We've been married for almost 33 years. And I want to tell you something.

If I were to say to you this morning, well, when we got married, I loved her. And today I still love her, it does not communicate at all.

Thankfully, in the English language, we have the word very. And so I can say to you this morning, when we got married,

I loved her. But today, oh, I love her very, very, very, very much.

In fact, it's almost unfair to compare the one back then with the one today.

I did not know. I did not know that you could love someone as much as I love my wife,

Charlotte. And I'm absolutely convinced that that love is a gift that has been given to her and to me by God.

In other words, there is a love in marriage that is kindled by the Lord. And it is such a fervent flame that nothing on earth can extinguish it.

There's nothing on earth that can put it out. It's not by accident. He tells us number seven, that love is persevering.

Look at the very next phrase. Many waters cannot quench love.

Neither can the floods drown it out. Came across a little article in the paper some years ago entitled.

And you wonder why it didn't last. Listen to what a insightful person said.

She married him because he was such a strong man. But she divorced him because he was such a dominating male.

He married her because she was so fragile and petite. He divorced her because she was so weak and helpless.

She married him because he knows how to provide a good living. She divorced him because all he thinks about is business.

He married her because she reminds me of my mother. He divorced her because she's getting more like her mother every day.

She married him because he was happy and romantic. She divorced him because he was shiftless and fun loving.

He married her because she was steady and sensible. He divorced her because she was boring and dull.

She married him because he was the life of the party. She divorced him because he never wants to come home from the party.

Psalm is telling us by this phrase that marriage is meant to last and so is love.

It is not for a season, it is for a lifetime. It is something that God gives and it cannot be stopped.

Many waters cannot quench love. Neither can floods drown it out.

Carr said it this way, the tenacious staying power of love is set against these tides and perennial rivers which are unable to wash away love or put out its sparks.

Why can the many waters of trial and trouble and difficulty and heartbreak not wash away this kind of love?

Because as we just saw, this love is a flame given to us by God.

Number eight, love is also priceless. He says there in verse seven, the second part, if a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.

In other words, he's simply saying love doesn't have a price tag and love is not for sale.

By its very nature, love must be given. Sex can be bought, but love must be given.

And so he says, look, if a man offered for love all that he has, people would consider him a fool, they would despise him.

They would scorn him. He would be subject to public ridicule. Why? Because love cannot be bought.

It is a priceless thing given to us by God. Number nine, love is pure.

I mentioned as I was reading the text earlier that probably verses eight and following, eight through 12 is a flashback.

It looks back to Shulamith's youth and her initial meeting with Solomon.

And so her brothers are probably the ones speaking here in verse eight. And so they say, well, think back to when she was little.

We have a little sister and she has no breath. She's just still an adolescent. She's not matured yet.

She's a little girl. But we even now will be asking the question, what shall we do for our sister on the day when she is spoken for?

In other words, already we should be thinking about how we watch her, how we guide her, how we prepare her, how we make her ready for the day that she is going to be given in marriage.

And so here's what they say. Verse nine, if she is a wall, nobody in.

Very transparent what the metaphor means. If she is a wall, she lets nobody in.

Well, we will honor her. While we will build upon her a battlement, a row of silver.

On the other hand, if she is a door, opens, closes, opens, closes.

Men come in, men go out, men come in, men go out. Well, then we'll do something different. We will enclose her with boards of cedar.

In other words, though the men are speaking here as her brothers, let me apply this to parents. Parents, you need to study your children.

And if your children are indeed trustworthy, responsible, you should give them more opportunities to extend and demonstrate that trustworthiness and that faithfulness.

You should give them freedom. By the time my youngest son was a junior in high school, he had no curfew.

Now some of you teenagers are like, man, I wish my parents would wise up. Well, no, you may need to have a curfew of six o 'clock because you're an idiot.

So, I'm sorry, same size doesn't fit all, all right? I'm not your best friend in this area.

What I'm saying is this, those who are trustworthy and responsible and that you know are men and women, young men and young women, in other words, hey, honor them, don't give them a curfew.

Just say, son, be careful, I know you will be. Let us know if you need anything, I know you will. You say you never work, never, as I shared yesterday.

This is the one that when he graduated high school, he's 18 years old. We go to Paraguay for two weeks to spend time with missionaries.

Two of his brothers are on mission trips, the other brother's doing basketball camps. We have a great dame named Samantha that somebody's gotta watch for two weeks.

And so we said, son, how do you feel about just staying home for the two weeks and take care of the house, take care of the dog?

And he said, be cool. You said you let an 18 -year -old stay by himself for two weeks, yep.

You didn't worry about it? Nope. Anything happen? Nope. This is the same one that three years later informs me,

God's telling us to go to Turkey for two years as missionaries. Really, you think you ought to talk to us about that?

Nope. You tell us you love Jesus, do whatever you want to do. We love Jesus, we want to do this. Okay, guess

I'll be visiting you in Istanbul, which we did about three times. And so, you know what? You honor him like that.

But I also shared with some of you over the weekend. I had a son that went through a period of time of duplicity and lying.

Got involved in alcohol, got involved in premarital sex. His world, by God's grace, came crashing down.

I believe God disciplines those whom he loves. And if you don't listen to God, when he talks to you, he'll grab you by the hand.

And if you don't listen to God when he grabs you by the hand, he'll put his arm around you and squeeze you. And like my grandmother, by the way, when

I was a little boy, I used to love to sit with my grandmother. Grandmother would let you do things your mother won't let you do. And so, my grandmother would let me just kind of do all sorts of things.

But she had her limits too. And in fact, my grandmother should have been involved in WWF. She'd have been a world champion because she had a nerve hold.

She had a nerve hold. And when the arm went around me, I knew it was too late. Because her arm was going right there in her hand and she was going to lock down.

And that was her way of saying, son, grandson, sweetheart, no more. Well, God's the same way.

And in fact, if necessary, God will take his fist and knock you flat on your backside to get your attention because he loves you.

So he did that to my son. And so now we're intervening in his life that's become a mess.

And you say, so you just let him do whatever? No, no, no, no, no. He was 25 years old. And we said, here's the deal.

You can come live with us and we'll help you work through these things. But you're absolutely once more under our parental authority like you were 12 years old.

Now, you can take it or leave it, but that's the conditions. And he said, I want my life to get straightened out.

So he came home under those conditions. And I mean, we turned up the heat. We turned the screws. And we put things.

But now today, five years later, by God's grace, we don't worry about where he is. We don't worry about what he's doing.

This weekend, he's doing a discipleship now down in Atlanta. He's graduating with his master's degree and working a PhD, going to be a church planter.

His life now is where it should have been. But if you love your kids, you watch them.

If they are responsible, you let them do lots of things with lots of freedom. In contrast, if they're not responsible, verse 9, you enclose them with boards of cedar.

You lock things back down. And so you pay attention in that kind of a way.

Let me quickly hasten. Number 10, love is also peaceful. Says there in the text in verse 10, then

I was in his eyes as one who finds peace. You say, what does that mean? Well, the word peace is shalom.

It means wholeness. What she's saying is because Solomon knew that I had saved myself for marriage, she was a virgin when they married.

Because I've saved myself for him, he is at confidence and peace that I will stay faithful to him.

And so he finds peace in seeing me. Number 11, love is also privileged.

It says there in verse 11. Now, let me explain it real quickly. About to run out of time. Basically, she uses an analogy.

She says, look, Solomon owns everything. But he doesn't own me. Because love by its very nature can't be bought.

It has to be given. So she says, you know, I'm a country girl from the northern part of Israel. So let me just use an analogy.

Solomon has vineyards everywhere. And he has them up here at Bel -Hammam. And he, of course, is not up there watching everything.

He lets out the vineyards to keepers. And each one of them is to bring for its fruit 1 ,000 pieces of silver.

And what you'll see later in verse 12 is there's a one to five ratio. Basically, he says to his vineyard addressers, the keepers, you bring 1 ,000, you keep 200.

You know, so five to one ratio, which that's pretty nice. She says, that's great. Solomon owns these vineyards.

He has struck this deal with the vinedressers. But what does she say there in verse 12? My vineyard, my very own is before me.

You owe Solomon. In other words, you may buy those things. You're not buying me. You may own those things, but you don't own me.

The love that I have given you, I have given to you freely. I've given to you because I want to.

Love is a privileged thing that we give to another. And then finally, love is also particular.

Verse 13 is the only time I said playfully earlier that Solomon speaks and then she has the final word, but that's okay.

Solomon says in light of what she has just said about who she is, about the nature of love as this burning flame that waters cannot quench, about the fact that she wants him to set her as a seal upon his heart and arm.

He says, well then, oh, you who dwell in the gardens with companions listening for your voice, let me hear it.

Let me hear it. In other words, he acknowledges your love by many people. You're admired by many people.

The companions, all these folks around the royal court, they listen for your voice. They want to spend time with you.

But when everything is said and done, let me hear it. Let me know that you really do belong exclusively to me.

And so she says, oh, you love me in this kind of a way? You want me in this kind of a way? Well, then

I've got some good news for you. Make haste, my beloved. Be like that gazelle or be like that young stag upon the mountains of spices.

And again, if you go back through the book, the metaphorical image is very clear. She's inviting him to come be with her intimately and privately.

And so Solomon ends in this kind of a way, giving us this multifaceted picture of love.

It really is true. Love is a many -splendored thing. And we were not the first ones to think of it that way.

Our God did. Let's pray. Father, thank you so much for the insight of your word. I thank you that in marriage, you make it possible for us to love another person in this kind of a way.

We can indeed protect and take as a prized possession our mate.

Lord, you can give us a love that is as strong as the grave and many waters cannot dash it because the flame of love that we experience and enjoy was given to us by you.

And so, Lord, may we indeed seek this kind of love in marriage. May those who are here today who are not married wait for you to give them this kind of love in marriage, knowing that to save themselves for marriage honors you and pleases

Jesus. And to save themselves for marriage also honors and blesses their mate.

And then, Lord, once we are in this wonderful relationship, may we work hard at it. May we stay with it.

May we recognize that there will be good days and bad days, but you are faithful to get us through those difficult times because you give us a love that is a burning flame that many waters cannot quench.