Denominations Discuss Valentine's Day

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I want to welcome you all back to our denominational meeting. Valentine's Day is this week so I just wanted to see what we all had planned.

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Hey, did you guys hear that Paula White is the new head of the White House Faith Office? No, you are not derailing this conversation right off the bat.

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We are here to talk about Valentine's Day. Oh, I know, I just wanted to see if you guys thought that she might be my valentine.

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Bro, I think she's married. Yeah, like three times. So you're telling me there's a chance. Can we move on please?

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Does anyone else have some Valentine's Day plans? We're so excited because we're going to be hosting a Valentine's Diversity Dinner where only relationships that are not heteronormative are going to be invited to attend, like same -sex couples and polyamorous polycules.

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What's a polycule? Oh, that's what they call their multi -partner units. It's cute because it almost rhymes with molecules.

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Okay, Methodist is hosting dinner with the damned. What else we got? Hey guys, check it out.

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Now you know at the Big Eva Multiplex, Mega Church, and Mini Mall we have 27 different services over our nine campuses.

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Friday night we're going to dedicate the service to a Valentine's Date Night and during the service we're going to have a 50 -foot cupid lowered down onto the stage filled with people dressed like cherubs who are going to be shooting

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Nerf arrows into the audience while our worship team sings Meat Loaf's, I Would Do Anything For Love.

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Are you really going to have a 50 -foot cupid float? Hey man, if you love Jesus, you're going to have a 50 -foot cupid float in your worship service.

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Are you at least going to give the Gospel and call people to repentance? Well, as Meat Loaf said, I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.

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Well, I'd just like to say how happy I am to see so many young men leaving your churches and coming back to the

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One True Apostolic Church. It makes me feel like the prettiest girl at the Valentine's Day Dance.

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Just so you know, they are not all running to you. Some of them have realized that we are the True Apostolic Church.

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Careful boys, I'd hate to have to see you anathematize each other. Again. What's this about being the

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One True Church? Because I got some thoughts about that myself. Yeah, me too. You can't be the One True Church unless you're using the authorized version of the

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Bible. Yeah, but who authorized that again? Guys, this is supposed to be about Valentine's Day, not an argument over who has the best church.

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Of course not. Because we all know who that would be. Hashtag Superior Theology.

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