TLP 441: How Do I Become a Better Parent?

If guilt takes over, we may drench our kids with more church activities or devotionals for a while, but for many kids, it's too little, too late. I love the topic of today's episode. It's so counterintuitive, but it's so biblically based, and it's so absolutely necessary for our lives.

Lord willing, by applying what you'll learn today, you'll be able to take at least one more step in becoming the parent God wants you to be. But before we get into today's topic, I want to make you aware of a couple fundraisers we're running this summer, and they both have to do with conferences.

The first is a brand new opportunity to give so that I and other members of Team TLP can attend more conferences. It's called the Conference Attendance Fund, and it's really important for a couple key reasons.

First, these opportunities are instrumental in our training. God uses conferences like these to equip us to minister better to you. Second, the networking opportunities are very important as we meet other people who do what we do or who need what we offer.

And that leads to our second major fundraiser of the summer, the First Impressions Fund. Whether we're setting up a display at a conference, church, school, or in a meeting hall, we want to present Truth Love Parent in the best possible light.

Now, I could tear up some cardboard boxes and put some Sharpies to good use, but I think we can do a little bit better than that. We'd like to purchase a custom display with one of the many quality companies out there.

If you've ever seen an exhibit or display, then you know what we're talking about. It needs to be eye-catching, but it also needs to communicate who we are as succinctly as possible. So while Team TLP and I are working on the design, you could donate to help us purchase the final product that will help TLP make a great first impression wherever we put it on display.

Just follow the links to truthloveparent .com forward slash donate and click on the Give Now button. That will redirect you to a PayPal page where you can select the fundraiser to which you'd like to donate.

You can give to our conference attendance fund where we can go to conferences and meet new people, network, and be trained to help serve you better, or our first impressions fund where we are creating a display to set up any that we exhibit, or any of the other funds that you may like.

And of course, while you're at truthloveparent .com, you can check out our free episode notes and transcript of today's show. And with that, let's learn how to turn up our biblical parenting. Back in the 90s, my parents purchased me an accelerated reading course called Reading Genius.

It was created by Ed Stracher, and I believe it's still available for purchase today. The program was wonderful and it increased my reading speed and comprehension immensely. But what I love the most about Ed was his philosophy of education.

Ed didn't only teach accelerated reading, he taught world-class chess players, tennis players, hockey players, and Olympic swimmers. One of the tools he used to teach tennis players was to shoot 100 tennis balls at the student as quickly as possible, and then, you know, require the player to return as many of them as possible.

He'd do this for weeks and only slowly start decreasing the number of balls after the student was able to return the vast majority. But my favorite story is how he trained people to play chess. He blindfolded them and then he would have them play 20 games of chess at the same time.

They'd make a move on one board and then move to the second board, then the third, all the way down the line until they made one move on all 20 games. And then they go back to the first. A student would have to remember each game.

He'd have to remember where he was and where his opponent had moved to. I mean, can you imagine that? Can you imagine being on round 17, right? And you're on board number 12 in your 17th move and you're trying to remember, okay, board 12, 17th move, where was his piece, where was mine?

So after a while, he moved it down from 20 to 15 games at a time, blindfolded, then 10, then five, and eventually he'd play one game blindfolded. Imagine what happened when that chess player took his blindfold off.

He was a machine. I mean, at that point, playing a single game of chess with both eyes able to see what was going on was incredibly easier than playing 20 blindfolded. This is how I'd like to illustrate Ed's philosophy of education.

Imagine three roads all running parallel to each other. One car is driving at 70 miles per hour on the left road, and one car is driving 30 miles per hour on the road to the right. Eventually, they both have to exit their roads and pull onto the middle road.

Now, the speed limit on the middle road is 50 miles per hour. So both cars are driving the exact same speed now, but because the car on the left just exited a road going 70 miles per hour, it feels like 50 is much slower, whereas the driver from the right-hand road had to speed up to 50 miles per hour from 30.

So to him, 50 miles per hour feels much faster. Isn't this so often how life works? Two people experience the same dramatic circumstances, and yet one seems to weather it with grace, patience, and peace, while the other is losing their mind.

So often, we learn that the peaceful individual has probably been through similar situations before, potentially even worse ones. So here's my application for us. Do you remember the ambassador parent from episodes 26 and 27?

The only Christ-honoring parenting style is to have high biblical expectations for yourself and for your children. And it's those high biblical expectations, those divinely high expectations, that are the key to what we're talking about today.

Now, if you haven't listened to those episodes 26 and 27, I highly suggest you do so, because I don't want you to misunderstand what I'm talking about when I say high biblical expectations. This is not some dictatorial parenting I'm encouraging here, so please listen to those episodes if you haven't already.

I'm talking about parenting 100 miles per hour. If we have low expectations for ourselves and our kids, and we parent at 30 miles per hour, then the 50 and 70 mile per hour situations we encounter, you know, that require us to parent like Christ would, seem too hard.

We panic. Sometimes we overcompensate. We even do what Natasha Crane illustrates in her new book, Talking With Your Kids About God. In the introduction, she writes, quote, when we have no discipline and no direction, we're leaving our kids to wilt spiritually.

This happens when we're inconsistent in watering their spiritual lives. No discipline. And when we don't understand all that they need to thrive, no direction. It's an easy trap to fall into when we're busy.

Our spiritual training ends up being a mealtime prayer here and there, a wishy-washy commitment to church, and occasional references to the Bible thrown in for good measure, especially when someone's behaving badly.

If guilt takes over, we may then drench our kids with more church activities or devotionals for a while, but for many kids, it's too little, too late. Unquote. This is perfectly describing someone who's been parenting at 30 miles per hour, and upon realizing was no good, tries to put the pedal to the metal, only to swerve spastically in their parenting, often smashing against the guardrails and spinning out of control.

And the result in parenting is generally as destructive as it is in driving. But when you're used to parenting at 100 miles per hour, then the 50 mile per hour and even the 70 and 80 mile per hour issues in the house seem much less scary.

This has probably been the greatest benefit I've received from working at Victory Academy for Boys. The issues I've had to parent with the boys here in the past three years just kind of really puts the loudest temper tantrums and fights and lies and direct disobedience my kids can muster into a very clear perspective.

Now, the concept is easy enough to understand. In order to parent 100 miles per hour, we need to learn to consistently and successfully parent with extremely high biblical expectations. But how do we do this?

Well, let me give you some important steps that are a little easier than moving into a home for at-risk teens, because that probably isn't an option for you. Number one, remember that the biblical expectations you have for yourself and your kids are God's, not yours.

Number two, you must rely on God's strength and grace to accomplish God's will. If you try to parent 100 miles per hour on your own, you're just going to crash, and great will be the crash thereof. Number three, we must follow Peter's warning in 1 Peter 5 .8.

Be sober-minded. Be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. To parent 100 miles per hour, we need to be vigilant. The world, the flesh, and Satan are constantly trying to lull us into a feather-foot type of parenting.

In fact, Satan wants nothing more than for us to come to a dead stop in the middle of the parenting highway, and many parents have. So we must open our eyes, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, from Hebrews 12 .2.

We must constantly check our blind spots, like we discussed with Tim Challies in episode 35. We can't afford to fall asleep at the wheel. We can't afford to slow down. Now, before I continue, please understand that this driving metaphor doesn't mean that we run ourselves ragged, literally running around like a crazy person.

No, there's a time for haste and a time for rest. This metaphor is just describing the passion and intensity we have for God and His Word. It describes our personal refusal to live for self, to be lazy, and to abdicate our parenting responsibilities for even a moment of the day.

So we need to know God's Word and rely on the Holy Spirit to fulfill His will in our lives, and we need to be ever vigilant. There's no small sin. We won't ignore our kids' bad attitudes or blindly stand by while our kids fill their lives with unchristlike influences.

And number four, we need to be fervent. The whole of Scripture paints a picture of believers fervently and excitedly growing. Listen to Romans 12, 9 through 13. Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil.

Hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal. Be fervent in spirit. Serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope. Be patient in tribulation.

Be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Listen to those descriptors. Genuine, abhor, hold fast, outdo, fervent, rejoice, patient, constant. It would almost be overwhelming if we didn't have God's promise of divine enabling.

And number five, lastly, embrace your own need for change and growth. Second Corinthians 318 sets the standard when it says, When was the last time you experienced continued transformation into the image of God?

Is your spiritual growth a past tense concept in your life, or are you still being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another by the Spirit? To that end, I want to remind you of a parenting course called 25 Days to Becoming a Premeditated Parent.

It's like a couple's retreat and a parenting workshop all rolled into one. It's pretty intense, but since it's email-based, you can take your time if 25 days seems too short to tackle the assignments.

Either way, I encourage you to parent 100 miles per hour. Daily dig into God's Word. Daily throw yourself on His mercy and grace. Daily and vigilantly be watchful of your children. Daily parent them with godly fervor, and daily work to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed because you're rightly handling the Word of Truth.

Truth. Love.

Parents is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent. Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.