21. Change in Counseling

All right, we're beginning this, I think this is the next to last session we're going to be doing on biblical counseling.

And it's one of the most important ones. As you can see that the main title is

Change in Counseling. And that's important because the whole purpose of biblical counseling is to affect change.

So I'm just going to, I'm going to do a very quick review. I'm not going to read all of these. These are the first seven topics that we covered, and you can see there's quite a bit.

And then we've covered all of these, and tonight we hit number 13, and it's a change in counseling.

This is actually our 20th session talking about biblical counseling. As we normally do, we're going to start off with giving some general principles on the topic first.

And one of the general principles about changing our behavior, changing our attitudes towards how we live our lives, is many people simply just lack motivation to change.

And there's a number of reasons for that. Usually it fits in one of these categories. Loss of hope, they just don't think that there's a possibility to change.

A lack of patience. I think each one of us is afflicted with a little bit of that one right there.

Just a lack of patience. And then the difficulty in making changes. I mean, let's be honest about it.

It's not easy to change, and especially putting off the old man and putting on the new man.

It's not easy, okay? That's why it's called discipline. That's why we are called disciples.

And then also there could be a history of sinful failures, which is discouraging.

So those are just four of the main reasons why people find it or lack motivation to change.

In order to facilitate change in a person, the Christian counselor must become familiar with the biblical concepts of motivation.

There is such a thing as non -biblical concepts of motivation. And so we always want to, you know, it's called biblical counseling.

So we always want to make sure that whatever aspect of it we're looking at, we're keeping it true to the

Word of God. As J. Adams says, we're not merely human beings, but we are human becomings.

When we're saved, we are definitively saved, but we are being saved day by day in the sanctification process.

The Christian life is one of constant change. It's ever -changing.

And the struggles and difficulties that we've had in the past, we find out we may not encounter those again.

But there's always a new problem. That's what makes it so exciting to be a

Christian. There's always a new problem that you're going to face. Some kind of tribulation.

I promise you that. I don't make very many promises, you know that. But I promise you're going to have trouble.

Isn't that exciting? The Christian is a pilgrim and a stranger on the move.

And I couldn't help but put this up there since we just went through Pilgrim's Progress.

That is such a good book. If you've never read it, I would strongly encourage you to read it.

I think Spurgeon said he read it once a year at Next to the Bible. It was the most important book that he ever read.

And the way that Bunyan uses his metaphors and his analogies is just wonderful.

And it really shows how we really are pilgrims in this land. The Christian is told to take up his cross, which means dying to self.

I mean, we talk about crosses to bear and all, but in a biblical perspective, when

Jesus says take up your cross, that means dying to yourself and putting on the Lord Jesus Christ. Say it again with an exclamation point behind it.

Change is hard, but that's what we're called to do. There must be hope because change comes gradually through patient endurance.

By the way, if you pray for patience, expect trouble. Because one of the number one ways that we learn patience is by enduring tribulation.

But ultimately, the person must be pointed to Christ. And again, remember, we're looking at this lesson.

While it's primarily for Christian counselors, every Christian is a counselor.

When you interact with your family, with your friends, and you see certain things, you know, a person in difficulty, we need to be able to give biblical answers to the situation that people find themselves in.

But ultimately, the person is pointed to Christ. That's at the core of biblical counseling.

Every Christian can be urged to holy living because of the mercies of Christ. As a believer, we are not being asked to do anything that is beyond the scope of what we can do.

As a believer, because of his high calling in Christ, a

Christian must live differently than the rest of the world. One of the situations, one of the problems we have in our society today is the church seems like more and more wants to look like the world.

They want to adopt worldly methods and to be accepted by the world. But the Christian is called to live differently.

A Christian must live, one, a life consistent with his calling, two, a life which reflects

Christ's life, those two things, which is different than, if you live consistent with your calling in Christ and a life which reflects the life that Christ lived, you will stand out in this society, make no mistake about it.

In this high calling, the Christian is to recognize himself dead to sin but alive to Christ.

It is this high calling that is a powerful motivator to holy living. Just think about it.

This is why it's so important that we have Bible studies, that it's more than just the preaching of the word, although the preaching of the word

Sunday morning is important as well. But to study the scripture, because when you realize the calling that you have been called to as a believer, that should be a powerful motivator to living holy, to putting off and putting on.

The scriptures urge the Christian to be in reality what

God has already declared him to be in Christ. And what do we mean by that?

God sees the Christian as perfect and risen to newness of life in Christ. That thought alone should be a powerful motivator to strive for holy living.

What Christ did on the cross by giving us his righteousness, when God looks at us, that's what he sees.

He doesn't see all the sin that's still within us, but we can stand before him because of what

Christ has done for us, which means that the

Christian is no longer a slave to sin. That's an important point. We have to understand that all of the thou shalts from scripture, the things that we are supposed to do, and what it means by putting off and putting on, we do have the absolute ability through Christ, because of what he has done for us, to actually make progress in our pilgrim walk.

Remember Bunyan, Pilgrim's Progress? We made progress. I know, it was lame.

Part of the counselor's job is to help Christians who are discouraged and defeated to see who they are in Christ.

Half of the problems, the emotional distress that Christians are in, would be just immediately gone if they could just realize and believe who they are in Christ.

I mean, you can go down a whole litany of ideas.

I think I've told you in the past, E .V. Hill, great preacher from the

Watts section of Los Angeles, he started a series,

What Do You Have When You Have Jesus? And he went on for like, I think it was 25 weeks, just describing what do you have when you have

Jesus. And we have to look at that and see who are we in Christ because of what he has done for us.

It's essential if you're going to recognize the possibility of change. One of the problems you're going to, and I'm sure you've heard it, even if you're not a counselor, somebody's saying,

I could never do that. I can't do that. That's beyond me. I don't have it in me. That's true.

Not in your sinful self, but you're no longer a slave to sin and you have the power of the

Holy Spirit dwelling inside you. And this is one of the first things. Remember when we talked about hope and counseling?

One of the first things that you need to do if you're ever in that situation is to see to it that the person understands there is hope and it's biblical hope.

But with that in mind, therefore, it's easy to see why if you're going to ever counsel a nonbeliever, the evangelism is the prerequisite.

There's no sense in talking about marital issues, children, problems with children, until they understand they need

Christ. The Christian should be shown that the ultimate proper and eternal state of every

Christian will be the state of perfection. I always like to ask the question, do you have to be perfect to get to heaven?

It's amazing how many people say, oh no, we can never reach perfection. No, you are perfect, perfection in Jesus Christ.

There is no such thing as imperfection in heaven. The present imperfections are unnatural and temporary.

See, and what do we do? We put it just the opposite.

You ever hear the expression, to err is human, to forgive is divine. Well, that's only half right.

To err is human in your fallen state. We are striving for perfection, which we will get when we get to glory.

And this is essential to recognize the possibility of change. The whole purpose of biblical counseling, the whole theory behind it coming right from the scriptures, is that each individual is to change.

As you put on the Lord Jesus Christ, you become more and more like him. The hope and assurance of the future, eternal inheritance is also a strong motivation for change.

When you're going through struggles in this life and you start thinking about, well, what is my future?

What has Christ promised? Think of all the promises of Christ, and that one day we shed this mortal flesh and we put on immortality.

That's a strong motivator. In his loving mercy,

God has chosen to motivate his children through rewards and punishments. Yeah, rewards and punishments.

And we find that throughout all the scriptures. And this is clearly seen in the admonition for parents to discipline their children.

Okay? The Bible teaches the use of the correcting rod to chasten children.

Therefore, it is the most humane form of punishment for a child. Let me explain that a little bit.

Humanists see this as overly harsh and wrong. How many times have you ever heard, especially a progressive,

I would never hit my child. That's cruel. All right? However, if corporal punishment is administered quickly and close to the offense, it facilitates quick repentance and reconciliation.

On the other hand, punishments that linger are more like torture and they prolong the agony of lost fellowship.

And we have to keep that in mind as well. Corporal punishment brings things to a rapid and efficient conclusion and prepares for speedy reconciliation.

It's over, it's done with, it's forgiven and put behind. However, be careful because the

Bible doesn't mandate the rod for every offense. Not all offenses are equal.

Proverbs 29, 15 and Ephesians 6, 4, both of those show that the rod and rebuke are to be used in fashion.

Look at Proverbs 29, 15. The rod and reproof. It's both and, it's not either or.

So there are certain offenses where just a word of rebuke, reproof, will do, but others necessitate the rod.

And look at the second part of the verse. A child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. Ephesians 6, 4.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the

Lord. Notice, two sides. Discipline and instruction. The other side of child training is the use of rewards.

The Fifth Commandment contains both the promise of reward for obedience and the threat of punishment for disobedience.

In the Exodus 20, we see that if you honor your father and mother and things will go well with you, that your life will be prolonged on the earth.

In Deuteronomy 27, 16, it says, dishonor your parents and you've got problems.

That's a paraphrase. So Christian parents should follow

God's example and use both punishment and rewards in training their children.

Here's another caution for you, though. Rewards can also be abused, all right?

He's not bothering me, just so I let you know. That's a beautiful sound.

But caution, another caution, rewards can also be abused. Rewards should be used for both incentives and goals.

But you say, how can they be abused? Well, here's a rule of thumb. Rewards should be given for genuine achievement, not for doing what one has already learned or one is already obligated for.

So I'm going to give you one proper example and one improper example, see if you agree.

Is this really proper? I'll buy you the new guitar when you have demonstrated that you can take care of the one you now have and you are serious about practicing.

Proper? Yeah, because there's an incentive for godly behavior, taking care of what he already has, all right, and getting reward for it.

If you will do your chores every night for the rest of the week, I'll let you drive the car to school on Friday. That's presuming you have a license.

Why would that not be considered proper? Yeah, you don't...

If a person is shirking their rewards, that should bring some sort of discipline or punishment. You don't reward them for doing what is already an obligation.

It's not incentivizing. That's really setting them up with, well, I'm not going to do my chores until they promise to give me something for it.

It just sends the wrong message. The Christian counselor should be familiar with the difference between biblical change and the behavior modification of B .F.

Skinner. Remember, we're not looking for just changing of behavior.

Behavior manipulation is based upon short -term rewards and punishments. Christian motivation is based upon eternal rewards and punishment.

So there's a difference. And rewards and punishments are only one of several motivating factors in the life of the

Christian. There are basically four motivating factors for the

Christian. First one, as obviously we've just talked about it, rewards and punishment.

The mercies of Christ. That should be a motivating factor. The high calling of the

Christian. Who are you? And I can't emphasize that enough. We should always have a positive view of ourselves as who we are in Christ.

Not because of my gifts or talents, whatever they may be, but who we are in Christ.

And that's a high calling. And we need to understand that. And then, of course, our one motivating factor, please

God. I mean, for all that God has done for us, shouldn't one of our purposes in life be to please him?

To glorify him and to enjoy him forever. Now the counselor is not limited to only one form of motivation in his counseling either.

In fact, part of the skill a counselor must acquire is to discern which motivation works best for each individual.

That goes for our children as well. All of our children are unique individuals with different personalities.

And how you discipline one child doesn't necessarily mean you discipline or motivate the other child in exactly the same way.

And so it takes getting to know. It takes work. It takes hard work.

But motivating by example is another excellent method. It's hard to tell a child to be productive, to take initiative and all, if we're not doing that ourselves.

So you want to motivate by example. To ignore biblical motivation in counseling, and this is a direct quotation from J.

Adams, to ignore biblical motivation in counseling is to counsel poorly and ignorantly or to motivate in unethical ways.

Those are some of the general principles.

So now we're going to look at affecting biblical change. How do we do that? Well, first thing, we want to get back to basics.

The primary goal in counseling is biblical change. Make no mistake about it.

How does that differ from secular counseling? What's the goal of secular counseling?

Make you feel better. To make you happy. Don't worry. Be happy.

Okay? And that's one of the stated goals of almost every school of secular counseling.

So change is necessary, but as we said before, it is difficult. And there's two main reasons why

Christians founder in their Christian life, okay? I mean, there's a lot of different reasons, but they all fall into one of these two categories.

One, they're unwilling to change. And the second, they don't know how.

And both of those are legitimate reasons. It's just that it boils down to changing the attitude to someone who is willing to change.

And then the second one is overcome by coming alongside them and showing them how to change.

In fact, here's a guiding principle for Christian counseling. Any quality of life or attitude of the mind or any activity that God requires of man may be acquired through the

Lord Jesus Christ. You follow that? Any quality of life issue, any attitude of your mind, or any activity that God is requiring of you may be accomplished or acquired through the

Lord Jesus Christ. God is not putting impossible tasks in front of us to frustrate us.

Just the opposite. He has promised he will not put anything in front of you that is greater than you are able to handle.

That too should be a motivator. Think about it. When you find yourself in one of those circumstances, you say, this is too much for me.

Stop, pause for a minute, remember the promise that he will not give us more than we can handle.

And you say, so obviously I can't handle this. That should be a motivating factor.

Also, a person who focuses on the past will not change. Why? Because you can't change the past.

That's so simple and yet it's so often abused.

What do we do with the past? Do we just ignore the past? No. The past is dealt with in the present by rectification, forgiveness, reconciliation, and other changes that may be required.

Whatever happened in the past is in the past and any effect that it has on the future or the present can be dealt with in the present, not constantly digging up past situations.

Counselors must not allow themselves to fall prey to the attitudes that ensnare their people. What we mean by that is, you know, when you sit down and you listen to somebody who is really in trouble, it's very easy to fall into their same mindset and get depressed.

You've got to keep the mindset that you have the answer to the problems and there's no problem that they can come up with that you don't have an answer for.

But some of the attitudes, fretting, guilt, self -pity, discouragement, and regrets.

Those are some of the things that you'll deal with. The task of the

Christian counselor is to call for repentance, which is a call for change. This is exactly what repentance means.

Remember what... Who knows the... What's the Greek word for repentance? You should know this.

Metanoia. Metanoia literally means change of mind. Meta meaning change and noose meaning mind.

It's a change of mind. You're going in one direction, you turn around, you go the other direction. That's what repentance is.

And responsibility is also a key issue in effecting change. Sometimes people blame all their problems on the nature that they have inherited.

It's my mother's fault, it's my father's fault, I got bad genes. You know, you hear those type of things.

They must be taught that they are responsible for how they use and develop the nature they have inherited.

You see a lot of yourself in your kids or you see a lot of things in yourself that you inherited from your father.

Some of them good, some of them bad. Doesn't matter, good or bad. You have to take responsibility for what you do with the genes that God has given you.

The counselor must insist that every change God requires is possible. I've said this in about four different ways now, only to emphasize the fact that it's crucial that you understand that sanctification is not an impossible task.

It's not the impossible dream. Change is only prevented by an unwillingness to change.

People will come up with all kinds of excuses, but the bottom line is, if they're not willing to work on a change, it's a matter of the mind, it's a matter of the will.

Especially, remember we said that there were two ways that they failed to be motivated?

If you take away the second one, and that's they don't know how, well, I can show you how. It really boils down to almost always if somebody's not doing it, they're just unwilling.

They don't want to put the effort into change. And the

Bible calls for change not merely in actions, but also in thoughts, desires, and motivations.

And we know that. We also know this. This is one that everybody should be familiar with.

Biblical change is a two -fold process, the putting off and the putting on.

It's not enough merely to stop sinful behavior. We ought to put on godly behavior.

And we see that, of course, in Ephesians, the liar must stop lying and also start telling the truth.

Again, it's not good enough just to refrain from sinful actions. We have to replace them with godly actions.

And to do that, God has given us the capacity to develop habits. And sometimes habits get a bad rap.

Habits can either be good or bad, but the capacity to develop habits is a good gift from God.

I mean, think of how many things we do strictly by habit. When was the last time you thought about how to tie your shoe?

After a while, you just do it. You can be thinking five different thoughts in your head, and you go down and you just tie your shoe automatically because you've developed it by habit.

And the same thing with how we think. Why are habits hard to change?

And they are. You know if you have certain bad habits. Bad habits, it's hard to change them.

Why is that? Because people become comfortable with them and they become unconscious responses.

So how does obedience to God become part of the person's life? By practicing what

God says to do. In other words, developing a godly habit. Practice can either be good or bad, depending on what the person is practicing.

If you're practicing something that's evil, of course it's bad. But if you're practicing putting on godliness, that's why

I like Jerry Bridges' book, the second book he did,

Pursuing Holiness, the second one is called The Practice of Godliness. And godliness can become a practice.

After you work on it for a while and you're practicing it, it becomes part of your daily life.

You don't even think about it. You respond in just that way. Part of the counseling process is getting the person to become aware of his unconscious responses.

When you have somebody who is definitely overcome in sinful habits, you have to point out what they're doing because they might not even realize that they're doing certain things.

Like giving quick retorts that are ungodly. I've seen people who, for example, just curse as a matter of course, and don't even realize that they're cursing.

It's just become so natural to them, it goes right over their head. So we have to have them become aware of their unconscious responses and then commit them to change the bad habits.

Commitment is important. Christians must be taught not to fear change, as long as it's oriented toward godliness.

We don't like change, do we? Things are going well, going along, and the last thing you want is change.

Like when a new boss comes into the workplace, that's always a time for apprehension.

But if the change is towards godliness, that's a good thing. The counselor must be aware that many

Christians tend to give up because they want instant change and success. It doesn't happen.

You are instantly saved at the moment of conversion, but that puts you at the beginning of the road.

How did Spurgeon put it? Somebody asked him, isn't justification the end of evangelism?

And Spurgeon said, yes, but which end? People have to be encouraged to stick with the process.

And there's going to have ups and downs. There's going to be successes and failures. But there is a point when an activity becomes a part of the person, but only if they stay with it.

Bless you. Endurance is the key to godliness through discipline.

However, all this effort must be done through the power of the Holy Spirit. That should be good news to everybody, to understand we have the

Holy Spirit dwelling in us and giving us the ability to follow through on all the things that God commands of us.

He doesn't command us to do things that we're not capable of doing. Godly patterns of life are developed and become a part of the person by prayerful study and obedience to God's word.

That's why studies such as this, your own personal Bible study and all kinds of other studies, are absolutely essential.

And same thing with prayer. The structured life brings freedom and discipline brings liberty.

And the structure for a commandment -oriented and motivated life is found only in the word of God. You realize that there are churches that if we just read that one sentence that they'd get up and walk out.

They don't want to hear about commandment -oriented. But yes, we are those that look at the commandments and understand that these are meant for us as a guide on how to live our lives.

Bible study is effective even if the person doesn't feel like studying the Bible. Remember, we're not feeling oriented.

We are obedience -oriented. So if you're trying to develop the habit of Bible study, set it and do it.

Don't get up one day and say, yeah, I don't feel like it today, so I'm not going to do it. Do it even if you don't feel like it, and that will help you develop a godly habit.

Remember, there's only two kinds of lives that you can live. The feeling -motivated life of sin oriented towards self or the commandment -motivated life of holiness oriented towards godliness.

That's your options. It's plain and simple. And part of the change process, you knew that you had to give some fancy words.

Dehabituation. Dehabituation is very simple.

It means put off old habits. Rehabituation is putting on new habits.

But you can sound intelligent if you talk about the rehabituation, dehabituation process. There are basically seven elements to biblical change.

First, being aware of the pattern that must be put off. That's obvious.

You're going to fix a problem, you got to know what the problem is. Discovering the biblical alternative.

Structuring the whole situation for change. Breaking links in the chain of sin.

Getting help from others. And putting Christ at the center.

And lastly, practicing the new pattern. It's just common sense when you look at it, if you're identifying the problem and then systematically going about changing it.

One of the goals of change is to have the new habitual practice become second nature.

That means the person has become comfortable with the new practice.

And he responds to situations in the new habitual way. He engages in the practice without conscious thought or decision.

That's just some ways that you can see that the process is working. One of the first elements in the dehabituation, rehabituation process is the awareness of the exact nature, frequency of occurrence, and occasions for the attitude and behavior pattern that must be put off.

All that's saying is you've got to identify the problem and just how serious the problem is.

Counselors must be able to translate the principles of scripture into concrete application through specific life situations.

So if you're going to, in other words, if you're going to help somebody else, you better know what you're talking about. You have to know how to take the word of God and apply it in a proper manner.

That's why we've had so many courses here on hermeneutics. Hermeneutics is so important.

If you don't understand how to get the meaning out of scripture, how are you ever going to use it? Structure is an important element in the process.

The more you do things in a structured manner, the easier it will be to affect biblical change.

Structure helps in both putting off and putting on, and part of the counselor's task is to help the person learn the will of God in the scriptures with reference to the test that he has handled wrongly in the past.

Again, that's the whole purpose of reading the scriptures is learning to what it says, what's expected of us, and how does that translate into daily practice.

Even when a person sins in his heart, he can prevent its outward expression by exercising restraint.

If you start sinning in your heart, the object isn't to say, well, I'm already sinning, I might as well do it.

The attitude is, I'm sinning in my heart, but I have it in my ability to not actually follow through with it.

A life -dominating problem is really a lifestyle affecting one's whole way of life.

Think about that for a minute. Let's look at this. A life -dominating problem is really a lifestyle affecting one's whole way of life.

If you've got a problem, or if you come across somebody who's got a problem that affects their entire life, understand it's a lifestyle that they have chosen, all right?

And that's why it's affecting their whole way of life. That's good news.

Why would I end with that, that it's good news for the one in trouble, that a life -dominating problem is really a lifestyle affecting one's whole way of life?

Why would that be? It's really a simple answer.

Yeah, because they're not relegated to it. They're not stuck in it. There is a way out of this life -dominating problem.

That's good news. Do we have any questions? Comments?

All right, go and do it. You have been listening to the

Reformed Rookie Podcast, where we aim to teach Reformed theology to beginners, or rookies. Be sure to look us up on the web at www .reformedrookie

.com, where you will find many more learning tools and aids to help you grow in your understanding of all things

Reformed. And remember, semper reformanda. Martin Luther, are you prepared to retract these writings?

In Psalm I discuss faith and good works. If I were to retract these, I should be denying accepted

Christian truths. Martin Luther, you have not yet answered the question. Will you recant, or will you not?

Here it is. I am bound to my beliefs by the texts of the

Bible. My conscience is captive to the word of God. I cannot and I will not recant.

Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me.