Biblical Parenting (part 5)

I want to recommend a couple books today before we get into the class. The first one is called

The Family Worship Book by Terry Johnson. The Family Worship Book by Terry Johnson, subtitled

A Resource Book for Family Devotions. I got an email last week, we'd like to have some family devotions.

What do we do? What do we use? How do we go about it? In this book, in the back there are some psalms that you could sing to the tune of songs that you know.

That is to say, maybe Immortal Invisible's tune, but to some psalms' words.

So those are helpful. There are some how to read through the

Bible. There's a checklist on what books to read, introduction to family worship, some catechism questions.

And so if you're a dad and you don't know what to do, this should help you at least get started in the right direction.

Resources from Thomas Watts, I mean Isaac Watts, Thomas Manton. Sixty psalms, sixty hymns.

At least you'd have something to go on. You can make copies for all the kids. So I'd recommend that you get this. Like with most things in life, there are a few things in here that I don't like.

He's Presbyterian, so guess what? He comes across like a Presbyterian, so you just have to watch out for some of that.

At the church here, when people ask us what we are, I usually tell them I'm half Baptist and half

Presbyterian. And so what do I mean by that? Baptistic in the sense that I believe that we should have believers' baptism by immersion.

That we don't have the Lord's Supper as a sacrament, it's more of an ordinance. But Presbyterian when it comes to who saves.

We don't save ourselves, God saves us and we respond. Presbyterian when it comes to leadership in the church, elders,

Presbyterians. So, a family worship book. It would be a great book for you to get started with. Whether you've got kids that are five months old or kids that are fifteen,

I think you could use it. Secondly, this is just for little kids. The Caring Creator.

We used to sell these here by, I don't know, the dozens or hundreds. Karen, K -A -R -I -N -E,

McKenzie, The Caring Creator. If you have little kids, young kids, this is probably the best book that I've read that talks about God and evangelizes kids.

And so I like it that the pictures are striking and vivid and so in the beginning there's all kinds of pictures about the sun and the moon and the stars and the birds.

I know you can't see it. The birds and the fish and these wonderful things that God does and then sin spoils a perfect world.

And just pictures like that, I don't know if you can see it, where Eve is reaching out to grab the forbidden fruit and there's the serpent and she's here looking fine and then you see her, if you can see this now, she's crying, her face is just ravaged by sin, the effects of the fall.

This particular book and this particular company, they don't think you should have any pictures of Jesus in his face because they don't want you to think of Jesus in a way that wouldn't be biblical.

So they just show Jesus, they don't show him but they show him, they show the boat that he would be in to calm the storm.

I really like this because then at the very end of the book, I think all truth needs to end up with this question, the final page is, what about you?

We don't just talk about truth to say well here's the truth and just I hope you make a good decision.

We like to talk with words like here's the truth, Jesus died for sinners and was raised from the dead, you must believe.

And so it asks that question, what about you? I'll just read the very end of it. You are part of God's creation, he made you.

Like everything else, you have been spoiled by sin. I like that language, it's second person imperative.

You, you must. We live in a we preaching world. We're all sinners little

Johnny, we're all sinners little Sally. I like the word you better because you almost feel Nathan's craggy finger on your sternum going, you are a sinner.

You need to be made new too. Your sins need to be punished but if you're sorry for your sin and ask

God to forgive you, he will. Christ Jesus has taken the punishment for the sin of his people. When you trust in the

Lord Jesus, it is like being born again. It is the start of a new life when you serve and obey God, the same power that made the world can make you a new creation.

She goes on. So anyway, I really like this book because there's more to be said by you, but at least this will get you started.

Who has this? Is anybody? Okay, a few do. This is my only copy so I can't give it away.

I can but I don't want to. Last recommendation, you can get this free on the internet,

J .C. Ryle, The Duties of Parents. If I was running this as a men's discipleship class, you'd have to read this by next

Sunday, you wouldn't have admission into the class. You need to read this book, The Duties of Parents, J .C.

Ryle. You can just type it in. He's written the same book. If you've got a young teenage boy or close to a teenage boy,

Thoughts for Young Men, you have to read that book as well with your son. If you're a single mom, you should read that book with your son.

If you're a dad, read that book with your son, Thoughts for Young Men. But here, Duties of Parents, J .C.

Ryle, excellent material on parenting. All right.

Questions on this particular book, Gospel -Powered Parenting? Any more questions on this book before we start?

Again, I've kind of taken a deep breath and thought instead of rushing through everything, we'll just take our time and so I've got time for questions.

All right. Well, why don't we pray and then we'll start our class. Heavenly Father, thank you for giving us your

Son. Thank you for giving us your Word. Thank you that you've been faithful again, even as we slept.

Maybe some of us didn't sleep. You've still been faithful. And we're thankful, Father, that today we can look to you, those of us that have been made new, been made born again, as a loving

Father. Lord, you've given us a desire to love our kids and to want what's best for them.

And if we as sinful people can desire the best for our kids and actually love them with real love, how much more do you love us?

Thank you for adopting us into your family, into your kingdom. Thank you for giving us all the promises found in the

New Testament and old that apply to us. And I just ask for the dear parents today at BBC, some not here, some teaching

Sunday school classes, that you grant them wisdom when it comes to parenting, that you grant them a desire to train up these kids with an idea of being a faithful steward.

Thank you for our kids. I pray for the parents here today who have little kids. I pray that you just bless their families.

I pray for the parents with older kids, maybe some kids not even saved, who have not accepted

Christ Jesus' claims of the Lord. And I pray that you would give them patience and grant the children repentance and belief.

And then, Father, some families here, they don't have children yet, and I pray that you would be generous and bless them.

And I'd ask these things in Jesus' name. Amen. All right.

Questions about parenting so far, what we've talked about in the past, or anything new?

You say, I've got a question about parenting I've been dying to ask somebody. I'll try my very best not to embarrass you, although I've kind of got a kind of a funny streak going.

I got a funny, I hit my funny bone this morning, so I'm going to just do my very best. Barbara. Okay, the question is, and it's a good question, how do you reward kids?

And I have to say at the very beginning, I'll tell a story, you'll think I'm off on a rabbit trail, but I'll bring it back.

I remember when I was teaching through Ephesians here at the church. How many people here were for Ephesians?

Quite a few. For the others? Okay, I'm going to read it. I was coming up to the portion on Ephesians 5, husbands love your wives like Christ loved the church.

And I was praying, dear Lord, please let Kim be out of town for that series.

I just hope she's in California or something so I can just get up, husbands, you ought to really love your wives, and here's how

Christ loved the church. I'm just thinking, I can't believe I have to preach that message.

I don't really want to be a single parent, but for that particular series I would have loved that. Because here

I am standing up, preaching to you when I think I am declared righteous, but I'm still a sinner.

I fall short. And I don't do what I ought to do. And I know what I'm supposed to do, and I think I have conviction when

I do the wrong things, but I'm a struggling, sinful husband. And it's the same thing when it comes to parenting.

That's why I think when we think about the gospel, how does the gospel apply to this, when we say, you know what, if you walk in today and you say,

I've done everything wrong as a parent, from day one, my kid's thirteen years old, and he's going berserk, or she's going wild, there's still hope for you, right?

This is good. We stand before God. If you have your kids come up to you and say, Dad, could you please forgive me?

I've acted sinful, and I know better, but I just have a corrupt heart, and I'm sinful. Please forgive me.

What would you say? Eh, we'll see. I think you'd say,

I love you. Say, I'm sinful too, and I love you, and I'm so glad God gave me you. Well, if we go to our

Father, the Heavenly Father, and confess our sins, I think He's what? Faithful and just to forgive us our sins.

And so I say these things today about, we're going to talk about exasperating kids. I exasperate my kids.

We're going to talk about reward systems. Sometimes I do it right, sometimes I do it wrong. And so this isn't kind of groupthink, and this isn't, you know,

I just kind of, you know, tell you all my problems, but I'm going to just tell you what I do, and then you guys just run with it the way you think is best.

Remember, when you hear a pastor or anybody in authority, if I tell you the Bible says this, then you must do it.

But if the Bible doesn't say it, I don't have authority to say anything except, this is just my wisdom. Right?

This is just what I think is best. And so, by the way, before I answer the question, turn with me, if you would, congregation, to Hebrews 12.

Hebrews chapter 12. And there's just an interesting line that if you don't think about it, you might not grasp what

I'm after here. Hebrews chapter 12 in the New Testament, of course.

I've got this new Bible. I've got a new ESV Bible, and I don't know where my verses are. Can you identify with me?

Leadership changes Bibles, and then you're stuck. Sometimes...

All right, he does say in chapter 12, verse 5, you've forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons.

My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord. Do not be weary when reproved by Him. For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, verse 6, and chastises every son whom

He receives. It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons.

For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.

All right, we're getting to where I want to be, but I'm just giving you the context. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us, and we respected them.

Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? Here's the verse that I'm after.

For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them.

But He disciplines us for our good that we may share His holiness. When it comes to parenting, a lot of it is just wisdom, what seems best to you.

Oh, are we supposed to spank kids? Yes. Are we supposed to teach them? Yes. Are we supposed to not embitter them? Yes. There are some things.

Proverbs tells us a lot. But when you think of this awesome responsibility to parent a kid, if I was going to write the

Bible, I'd write more. I'd be more specific. Wouldn't you? It's kind of like you get this kid, the baby comes out, all of a sudden you're handed the kid and you just go,

I have no idea what I'm doing. And so here, it's almost a throwaway line.

There's no such thing as that in the Bible, but it's almost a throwaway line, as seemed best to them. And so what

I'm after here in this church is I think the better Christian you are, practically, the better parent you will be.

And so God says, become a better Christian and you'll become a better parent. And so the same thing here, when it comes back to this question of rewarding,

I think I've rewarded well and I've rewarded poorly, and hopefully I'm working my way towards that.

As you said, I told my kids, you read through the Bible, you get $100. And so, so far, two kids, two?

Two have taken me up on it for the $100. I think about the parable in Luke where you use filthy money to win friends.

I figure if you could do that, you could probably bribe kids, too, to let them have a goal. Sometimes around the dinner table, whoever gets this

Bible answer right gets a dollar. Because I can tell, sometimes with the kids sitting around the table, sometimes they're, yeah, way to go, we're into it.

And other times it's like, you know, here we go, another story from the Bible. And so there are ways to motivate people.

And so one of the ways you motivate people, at least I'm motivated this way, the elders told me everybody new that comes to the church,

I get $5. And so I'm motivated. And there actually was a guy who left his wife, he was defrocked out of ministry, and he started up a church and he told the elders, now

I get a percentage of the take every week, no matter what that is. And he's making millions of dollars right now.

It's just a shame. So I don't think there's anything wrong with motivating with money, if you have other motivations, too.

It's got to be more than just, that's the only way I motivate. And so sometimes we're motivated because it's a response to what

God has done. Here's this God who's done all these things for us, and so we're to respond in light of how

He loves His creation. Sometimes we are motivated by duty. Sometimes John Piper says, never be devoted and never be motivated by duty.

I don't know why there's so much soldier language then in the New Testament, so much farming language, so much, sometimes we just do our duty.

There's more to life than just being a dutiful parent, but sometimes it's by love, sometimes it's by duty, sometimes it's by reward.

And so I just kind of think of things to just motivate kids. When it comes to chores, sometimes you should just say to yourself, you live in this house, and therefore you have to do these things.

Luke is mowing the yard now, and so I said to Luke, I'll give you some money, and Kim said to me last night, you don't pay him enough.

It's a hard job, and I thought 50 bucks was pretty good. And so you need to have him be motivated by not just doing it because you're in the house, although that's good, but pay him a little bit more, and I think he'll be more excited to do it.

And so however you want to work it, because Hebrews 12 is talking about what seems best to you.

That's why James 1, Lord, give me wisdom. How do I raise my son? Dad's not in the house.

How do I raise the son? What do I do? And so for you in particular, maybe he's not motivated by money.

Maybe he's, you know, I think we've talked about this before. Boys are lazy. Men are lazy.

If the fall happens right after God has said, I was going to say

Abraham. Why would he say that to Abraham? Adam, work, the fall happens.

What do you think Adam does now with those commands? He doesn't work hard, and so ladies have their problems, and there are, of course, some ladies who are lazy and some young boys who are very industrious.

But in general, I think you've got to look at your kids and say, I've got girls and I've got boys, and the boy is lazy.

So I've got to figure out how he can do things to keep himself busy because I don't want him to be sinfully lazy.

So maybe some motivation with money, some motivation that's just what we do. Some motivation is there's no man in the house, and you're the man, and so you've got to do these manly things.

Is that, am I going the right direction? Good, and so you know what

I would do? I would just sit down and tell him that, and tell him that regularly. Sometimes we do things because we just have to do them.

Sometimes we go above and beyond. Sometimes mom will give you money for them, and so that's just the way things go in the house.

And then when you get older and you get a job and they pay you, you can always be expected to get paid for what you've done.

And so I think if you keep teaching him that, you know, you had a really good attitude this time. Normally for chores you don't get any money, but you had a really good attitude.

Here's some money. Plus, when kids get money, then they realize what's the value of money. Kids have no idea.

Sometimes we'll go to, I don't know, let's say you go to Six Flags or something, and you get a little ice cream push -up pop, and it's $19.

You just go, you know, Dad, can we get another push -up pop? And you go, it's $19. You have no idea what money is.

And so you teach them, you know what? You mow, it's $3, and you've been mowing now for seven weeks.

You got $21. Shouldn't we try to give some money to the Lord's work? Didn't he allow you to work?

Didn't he give you strength to work? Didn't he give Mom money to pay you to work? So let's give some money. Let's take $3 out, or however you want to calculate it.

People have three banks sometimes. You know, they put 80 % in the one bank. This is 70%.

This is to spend 20%. This is to save 10%. You know, we're going to give that to the Lord's work. And so kids need to earn money, so then they realize how valuable money is.

And so I think if you talk about that and give money, it helps. And so sometimes

I just, you know, give money to kids that I think, I try to get, you know, this shouldn't probably be on the tape,

Bernard. But if it was up to me, I would be an Egyptian. No hair on my body whatsoever.

And so I hate hairy backs. Ask John Makarowski. That guy's got the hairiest back I've ever seen.

But he actually shaves his back now, too. And so if it's good for John, it's good for me. And so I like my back shaved.

I don't like long, hairy backs, gray hair. You can kind of Rastafarian braid them.

I mean, it's just gross to me. And so I give Haley $3 to shave my back because Kim will not do it.

She just refuses. She doesn't like hairy backs, but she won't do anything about it.

And so anyway, I just pay Haley $3. Patty Makarowski's got her head down.

If you ever are around John and I long enough, we'll talk about shaving. Shaving our arms.

Some of you older guys, by the way, need to shave your ears and your nose. I'm telling you. Just kind of tired of seeing these big, long things coming out of your nose.

And if you're married to such a guy, then you must take care of him. I said to Kim, if I'm in the rest home, please shave my nose and my ears and my back and all that stuff.

Some kind of dreadlock's coming out of my ears. Okay, now you can start recording it.

Bernard is just sitting there looking at me with this kind of dear friend that's a girl.

I don't know, girlfriend and all that. And he's just going, I can't believe I just brought Joanna to this place. This is the parenting class.

But I think we probably should take especially the Makarowski part out. All right. Let's keep on money and rewards, though.

Okay. Tie -dye envelopes? Oh, tithe envelopes.

Okay, tie -dye envelopes. I go, I know the Schwarzels are these kooky Californians. But, I mean, come on.

We've got tie -dye envelopes. Okay, that's a good idea.

That's a good idea. So video games. You know, you could say, well, you get to play them on Saturdays. That's kind of our rule unless it's winter and, you know, you're locked in the house.

And so you do extra things to earn time to do whatever you want to do. Some kind of video game. I like that idea.

That's a good idea. Whatever seems best to you kind of theology. Good. Did I answer your question?

So I think it's a good idea. I wouldn't call them tithe envelopes. I'd just call them, you know, the

Lord's money. Yeah, yeah. We used to say tithes and offering in our bulletin. We don't say tithes and offering anymore because tithes are

Old Testament. This is not a theonomy. And so tithes, I think 10 % is a good amount to give.

But you're under no obligation to give 10%. Some of you ought to give 10%. Some of you ought to give 20%.

But there's no obligation. There's no compulsory number. So sorry about the tie -dye thing.

Anybody else have a good idea on how to reward kids? Financially something you think was a good idea or I don't even mind if it works.

Pragmatism isn't always bad. Yes, John? Okay, good.

I like that. I want kids to have money. Kim and I go to Starbucks on Monday, my day off, and we go in.

And, you know, if we've got kids and we go to Starbucks or Pete's or something like that, my kids know, well, Mom and Dad are going to get a coffee and we get a water.

You know, we go to a restaurant. We don't go out that often. We go to Moe's or Chipotle or something like that. Mom and Dad get soda and kids get water.

Put a lemon in, you know, and a little bit of sugar and you'll make yourself a nice little cocktail. And so the kids just need to learn.

They don't get everything Mom and Dad get. And when you get money, that's fine. So sometimes they'll bring money along and they'll spend, you know, $5 for a frappuccino.

And I go, you know what? You want a $5 frappuccino? Go right ahead. Funny story about frappuccinos

I'll never forget. Casey's like, here we go. See, now this is the relaxed side of me.

I don't have to rush through the parenting stuff. Starbucks first opened in Burbank, California, and Haley was just a couple years old.

So this had to be 15 years ago. And we got some kind of coffee, caramel, frappuccino.

All the Starbucks guys are just smiling. Our ex -Starbucks people. And she took a sip of that Starbucks frappuccino and this smile came over her face.

And she goes, I like frappuccinos. Five bucks, I bet you do.

Before we move on regarding rewarding kids, by the way, sometimes a good reward is great job.

I was watching you. You did an excellent job, and you can encourage your kids just with an excellent job.

I'm really proud of you. I'm so glad the Lord gave you to me, and you did that job with diligence.

You saw it through. Good job. Other kids would have quit. You did a good job. In the summertime when kids are in California with Kim, there's a boardwalk, and it's 50 -cent ride night on Tuesday night.

Normally it's $5 ride night, but it's 50 cents. And so Kim's got this thing where I think it's pretty smart.

I wish I would have thought of it, but I get the credit for what she does, and she makes me look good.

It's just the way life goes. It's true, by the way. I tell some people,

I don't know if you really like the church, but I'm sure you really love Kim, and some ladies are here at the church just because they put up with me and they like Kim.

They go, Kim's a wonderful example of godly joy and ministry. And so I want to be like Kim, and so we'll put up with Abe and Draw.

There's actually probably a lot of truth to that. Kim says, all right, you're going to spend all this money on rides and the boardwalk night, so let's earn money.

And all of a sudden, it's a month before we go to Santa Cruz, and then there's all kinds of money to be had. It's like 10 cents per dandelion, 20 cents per socks.

I don't know about you, but you have four kids and two adults and a dog and socks. There's just no way we can do all the socks thing, wear all the socks.

And then now we've got to the point where Luke can wear my socks, other people wear my socks.

I like my socks just right next to my back razor, just right there. That's where I like it.

Yeah, I've reached 50. Oh, I have to tell you, Haley was reading this Moe's thing today. Tuesday night, kids eat free.

Wednesday night, I kid you not, 50 years and older, 50 % off. Karen Binney just had a charismatic moment.

Side note, it was interesting. I always say that if this is, you know, I'm really worshiping you, God. I wrote in my book, why don't people do that when

I preach? You know, people do it when there's a song that's got a good beat to it and they're feeling the

Spirit of God. I mean, the bass drum and the bass guitar, why don't they do that? And I was preaching down in Virginia, and all the people left the church, 39 families left, 11 stayed.

And I was just talking about what the Lord says about sin, the church, unity.

And you know what? There was a dear lady who sat right in front of Kim. There's about 15 people in this cafeteria, and she sat there like this.

And I didn't say, put your hand down at all. I thought, that's right, the Word of God. Debbie, that's a great idea, something that the kid really wants, and they do

X, Y, and Z, and there's some kind of chart, some kind of thing that they're checking off, I think is a great idea. I thought you were going to say it doesn't have to be money, and I was going to say dilly bars.

Those are really good motivations, but it's back to kind of food, Charlie. It's an excellent point.

We have a little phrase around our house, and it's this phrase. The phrase is, do what you have to do so you can then do what you want to do.

Right? It's kind of like this whole, well, I'm going to mow half the yard and go play for a while. Why sit there and just think to yourself,

I've got to get home because it's that elephant in the room. I've got to finish this.

Let's try that. Okay, good. Thank you, Bernard. You know, back in the aggregarian culture, people really didn't have a lot of free time.

So they worked, and worked, and worked, and worked, and worked, and then you went home, it was dark, and you kind of went to bed. And now we have all this free time.

And I use the same illustration all the time. When I used to grow up, when I was growing up, rather, and on January 1st, remember the college bowl games used to be on January 1st?

They started off, and finally you ended up with, you know, then there was the cotton bowl, then the rose bowl, then the orange bowl.

I'd watch every one of those games, and then at the end of the night, I felt horrible. I felt horrible.

And, you know, now that I realize biblical truth, I was supposed to feel horrible. Because when you're lazy and you do nothing, you feel horrible.

You're supposed to. That's the way God has built us. And so if you feel horrible, you back up in your life and say,

What have I been doing? I met somebody within the last few months, and I said to them,

This person's struggling with depression. This person struggles with being melancholy. This person struggles with just feeling down.

And so I talked to this person, and I said this question. This applies to kids as well. Tell me what you've done this week, and then

I'll know how you feel. You know how we talk? How do you feel? How's everything going? Tell me what you've done this week.

And if you've had a productive week of doing this, that, and the other, you still may be frustrated in certain areas of your life, but you'll feel good.

Show me a guy that doesn't have a job and doesn't look for a job, and he's going to feel down. Show me a guy who doesn't have a job and he spends 40 hours a week looking for a job, doing things around the house, figuring out other ways to make money, stay busy.

He's going to feel good. Because you're supposed to feel bad if you do nothing. Now, there's a time for rest.

There's a time for leisure, yes? But our society's got it all backwards. And so we do what we have to do so we can do what we want to do.

And our society is we do what we want to do, and then by the end of the day, we're just forced to throw a few bones of what we have to do.

So if you struggle with, for instance, being melancholy, this generation calls it depression. Last generation calls it melancholy.

Guess what the generation two generations ago calls that? Well, that was four generations ago.

They call it laziness. Because laziness, when you're lazy, you feel bad. So if you're the kind of person that struggles with that, then you need to get a to -do list and put the easiest ones at the top.

As you mature, you put the hard things at the top, right? Get the hard ones done. That's a good sign of growth and maturity. But get a list.

And I don't care if it's get up on time, brush your teeth, comb your hair, shave your back.

I mean, whatever those easy ones are. And you've got 20, and by the time you're at 12, you're going, Hey, I'm getting some stuff done.

I'm feeling good. Have you ever had one of those to -do lists, and at the end of the day, it's almost all marked? There should be a good feeling for that.

I got some things done. But if you wake up, and it's Friday night, and you go,

I just feel horrible. Well, I'm not talking about thyroid. I'm not talking about blood sugar. I'm not talking about some kind of cancer in your brain or something organic.

But if you just feel bad, there's a reason, because God is so generous and good that he gives you the right response to what you do.

You do the right things, you feel good. You do the wrong things, and like Cain in Genesis 4, your countenance will fall.

Show me your fallen countenance, I'll show you somebody who's earned that fallen countenance. Show me a happy countenance,

I'll show you somebody who has been blessed by the Lord of the Universe with some good things. And I see lots of people smiling and kind of laughing, and are we okay here?

Okay, so tell your kids, do what you have to do so you do what you want to do. Show me a kid that plays videos all day long.

By the way, lots of times with this ADHD stuff and ADD and everything else, I just think to myself, you mean to tell me that kid can play video games without going to the bathroom and without eating for 12 hours, but they can't pay attention?

They're paying attention. They have some problems with selectively paying attention and paying attention to the right things, but they can pay attention.

This is going to sound really bad, but I've already blown my testimony today anyway, so here we go. We have a

Jack Russell. It's a Parson Jack Russell. Parson means pastor. Therefore, we have a

Parson Jack Russell. Jack Russells, if you don't give them a lot of work to do and exercise, they bite things.

They bite people. They chew on things. They go to the bathroom in the house. They do things that are going to make you mad.

So you have to work a Jack Russell out, and so you have to do things creatively to get that dog to be exhausted

So at the end of the day, the dog lays by the fireplace on the dog pillow and just feels good.

You look over there, and you go, man, that Jack Russell is just satisfied, complete, tired, and just, oh.

Show me a kid that has just left, especially a young boy, it works for girls too, that doesn't do anything through the day, and you wonder why you have some kind of whirling dervish in your house.

They need to work, they need to be busy. Mind work, yard work, house work, get a kid busy, so at the end of the night, they're so busy, they're just, oh.

And they can lay down on that pillow by the fireplace, and you can just think, this is divine, this is satisfaction. And so, what,

Kim, what was do the hard things? You guys, the Harris boys, do hard things.

You know, some of those kids at age 13 and 14, by the way, in the news, there's a 13 -year -old girl who wants to climb

Everest. Did she make it? She made it. I think it's really stupid to send a kid up Everest because you're not guaranteed, you know, one in four don't make it down, but a kid could do it, 13 years old.

How about the one that just went across transatlantic or something in the ocean? How old, 13, 14,

I don't know what it was. Okay, kids can do a lot of things. I wish

I could figure out more tasks to get my kids to do because I think kids are smarter. We've kind of got this whole,

I'm getting off to another subject, but adolescence, you know, it's a myth. There's no such thing as adolescence, treating certain teenage kids certain ways.

You're either a kid or you're adult, biblically, and we need to teach these kids, either as kids or as adults.

Okay, I'm not getting into any of the exasperating kids stuff. My whole message today is on what not to do to exasperate kids, but that's all right.

Rewarding behavior. Yes, Stephanie? I like it.

And you know what that tells me too? What little one says, I'd like to go on a date with my dad without the mom or dad telling them that?

You don't just think that. That's from the parents saying, we need to go out on a date. I remember somebody gave me a gift certificate someplace, and it was a $100 gift certificate, so I took

Haley out on a date. And you know, I had to get my back shaved, got all dressed up and everything.

And Haley got all dressed up, and she had the perfume on, and I had the cologne on, you know, opened the door and all that stuff.

And she has never forgotten that. I mean, I've taken her on other times. I'm sure I don't take her enough where she just,

I'm trying to think, this is how a lady should be treated. This is how a dad treats a daughter. No, this is how a man should treat a girl, and this is what you should expect.

And, you know, when you find a guy that loves you more than your daddy loves you, I'll give you to him, etc.

I like that idea, taking the kids out on a date. But Haley's always saying, can we go back to that place again,

Dad? Can we go back to that place again? I think, well, you better be praying for another gift certificate is what you ought to be doing, or we're going to Moe's on Wednesday night for half price.

All right. Yeah, go ahead. Well, I think it's a good point that you bring up,

Becky, that we all need each other. We need other people to help us, because left to ourselves, we have magnified weaknesses, maybe magnified strengths, too, but magnified weaknesses.

So we need each other. So now if Peter's growing up to be a young man, then he will help you. That's why when it comes to the body of Christ, too, if you're a single parent, you know, when people will say, hey, let's bring

Peter along to the canoe trip or whatever. If I was a single mom, I would look to other guys, and I wouldn't wait for them to call me.

I'd look to them and say, hey, could you do this? Could you take him such and such? One of the things

I've lost in my life is my kids don't have grandparents. I'd love it if my kids have grandparents.

I mean, I could literally just sit here and sob thinking, and I know it's God's providential working.

My dad died when he was 55. Mom died when she was 65. Both of Kim's parents died when she was two and four, really young.

We don't have one grandkid for the kids. And if I was running the universe, I wouldn't do that because sitting next to grandpa,

I remember going with grandpa to go fishing and doing certain things and just help, helping parenting and just well -rounded kids.

And so you think, okay, I don't have those. So who do we have? We have each other. And so if you're a dad and you've got a bunch of kids and you go on the canoe trip, you should be thinking, we've got a couple of ladies here that have young sons, and they ought to go.

Let's call them. You have to go with us. And if you're the moms and you ought to say, you know what,

BBC's not acting like she should, and so I'm going to call them because I'm waiting for the phone call, and I think I'll call because I'm never going to get that phone call.

So we can help each other. That's what we need to do because none of us can do it on our own.

One of the things about mowing that I like or something like that for socks, it's tangible. You can see the yard before, you can see the yard after, and you go,

I got something done. Some of the things we do in life, you know, only adults can figure out these abstract thoughts.

The rule of young kids, they can't. So that's a good way to try to figure out how can I concretely show kids progress and how they get the jobs done.

Got half the back shaved. We're on our way there. Got to get to the what?

No, you know what? Wax isn't any good, and I tried near on my legs, and it burns like a banshee.

You're going to have to leave that on for like 10 minutes? It burns. Nancy Yates is just going,

I can't believe this. This old stout Presbyterian who says, let's just get back to the

Bible. Charlie, yeah, praise.

The Bible does say we're to encourage one another, yes? Now, we ought not do it for personal gain, some kind of flattery.

I think the Proverbs speak about the sinfulness of flattery for personal gain. I wish

I could encourage better, but I try to encourage people around here, and I wish I could do it more. I write down sometimes on my

Post -it note, encourage, because who encourages people?

So I buy a stack of thank you notes, cheap ones from Walmart or wherever they are, and I just write a little note.

Saw you working in the nursery. Nobody else sees you. Good job. Way to go setting up chairs. Glad you're at the church.

Love, Pastor Mike. I haven't sent it to all of you as I'm looking at your faces, but I've sent them to many people.

You know what? Sometimes I go over to the people's houses afterwards, just there, and I see those notes up on the refrigerator.

People are starving for encouragement. And I don't mean I want everybody to encourage me.

I probably get more encouragement at the church than anybody else just because nobody else stands at the door every Sunday and shakes hands.

But we ought to encourage one another. If your kids are in the nursery getting taught by a Sunday school teacher, it doesn't cost anything to just write a little note.

Thanks a lot for taking care of my kids. You might go to somebody's house and see it on the refrigerator. And so with kids,

I'm probably a better encourager of people in the church than I am even my own kids. But when you encourage them, that's a great motivation.

It doesn't have to be money. Ask a kid. Here's a good illustration. Jerry Falwell.

Whatever you want to think about him politically, this isn't the point. Falwell was a big speaker and would get a lot of money as an honorarium.

And he booked a day, and for God, it's one of my kid's birthday, my 14 -year -old son's birthday. So he called the kid, and he said, you know what?

Every birthday we're together. No matter where I am in the world, I fly home. We spend the birthday together, and we just do that as a family.

And he said to the son, he said, you know what? I double booked. I didn't mean to. I forgot.

I'm sorry. You have one of two choices. I'll cancel the engagement to be home for your birthday, or I'll give you the $5 ,000 honorarium.

The kid said, I want you home, Dad, for my birthday. So money is a good motivator, but there are a lot of other things that are better motivators than money.

Dottie. Absolutely.

I wrote a note to somebody the other day and said, thank you for doing this, that, and the other, and they wrote back and they said, it means a lot that a busy pastor would write a real note.

Now, it didn't cost me anything, but I think this is what this person meant. It's so easy on an email to say thank you.

You know what? I'll even admit this in front of everybody. Do you know how you can say things at the end of your email? You know, sincerely,

Dr. Reverend Avendroth, whatever you want to put on there, I just put thanks, because I figure every email just has to say thanks.

But it's turned into be this throwaway signature line. I mean, I don't know about your kids, but when

I teach kids, we've got to wrap this up. It doesn't cost anything to just say thank you. I can't believe when kids just won't say thank you.

I pick up neighborhood kids, take them to the mountain for skiing, and then they get out of the car and I say, you're welcome, because I just want them to learn to say thank you.

And then I have to say to my own kids, did you say thank you? No. Well, get on the phone then.

Oh, you know, I forgot to say thank you. Thank you for the ride. Just thank you and please. And you don't have to say ma 'am if you don't want.

I wasn't allowed to say sir and ma 'am, but just those kind of common things when it comes to parenting.

All right, I'm getting all scattered. The lesson of the day is don't exasperate your children. Colossians 3 .21

and Ephesians 6 .4. Yes, Brad, do you have a question, or Joey? Brad, did you have a question?

Joey, did you have a question? Karen, do what you have to do so you can do what you want to do.

Well, just quickly, the first one, I always would like to model what I preach, because, you know, it's hypocrisy if you don't.

It's almost different for me because I'm the pastor. The good news is I can go home at 4 o 'clock and go on a bike ride with Luke or do something.

The bad news is, you know, at midnight, I'm sitting at my computer working on my sermon. You know, if you ever see me with eight -and -a -half -by -eleven paper, for any reason, the kids go, that's dad's sermon.

Even though it might not be, it might be something else. And so I try to. I like goals. I like to set things up.

I like to have new challenges. You know, that's one of the reasons why I did the radio show, because I thought I just kind of like to do something new, and then it just drives itself.

You've got to get it done. Nobody else is going to do it. I have to do it. And so I think I try to do most of those things around the house, and then we have leisure time.

You know, we work all week, and then Mondays I take the day off. I think in general, and I think parents need to do that too, and parents need to tell their kids, you know,

I don't want to do these things, but let's get, you know, do with me what I have to do so that we can do the other things later.

I just think so many people in society today, it's all about leisure. It's all about TV. Four hours a day, people watch

TV. Four hours a day. It's unbelievable to me. But that's some of the sermon that I'm going to do.

So that's the first question. I try to do that, because that's a way to exasperate your kids. Tell them to do things, hold them to it, and then you don't have to do it.

And what's the second one? Leisure time. Well, if I have a kid who's lazy, then

I think they should probably get less leisure time, because it's a character issue, and they need to work on some of those things. By the way, your kids don't have to be

Christians for you to work on discipline, character, and other things. What your goal is, is,

Lord, help me train a kid who's so disciplined, when they move out of the house, they're disciplined. Can we have disciplined people who are unbelievers?

Absolutely. And then if God saves them, they're a disciplined, saved person. So, you know,

I think maybe the leisure time has just gone overboard, because that's all people do, is leisure, leisure, leisure, leisure.

And maybe if your kid's bought into that, then you take some of that away. I think what's lacking, though, going back to what

Becky said, is I want your kids to want to spend time with you. I know kids in this church that are hell on wheels, and the parents never spend any time with them.

And when they do, it's all what they've done wrong. I want them to do fun things. You ask

Haley, Luke, Matty, and Gracie, would you rather go, you know, to some slumber party with your kids, or would you rather go with mom and dad to such and such?

They always want to spend time with Kim, I think with me as well, you ought to have fun with your kids.

It doesn't always have to be fun, but if there's work, then there should be fun. Spending time together, I know some of you have family vacations, you're always spending this time together,

I think it's excellent. So, I probably need a little bit more information to try to figure it out. I want to be the coolest friend my kids have.

I like when the neighborhood kids come over, and then my son's like, you know what, my dad's cool.

My dad's cooler than you are, and my dad's cooler than your dad. I like that. Probably A, because I'm prideful, and B, I want my kids to think

I'm cool. Who here in this room wants your boy to grow up thinking that you're a dweeb? I mean,

I just don't get that. And so, there are some people in this room, I think you probably work too much.

That's all you do is work, work, work, work, work, because you've got yourself into a problem, and your house payment's so big, you've got to do double jobs, and then you let the kids be raised by your wife, and you let the kids be raised by themselves, and you work too much.

So isn't how interesting in life, you either can underdo things or overdo things? You should make your mind up now, if you're a young person, and you're married, and you don't have kids,

I will not sacrifice my kids on the altar of square foot house. You know, every kid who grows up,

I know I'm going too late, I don't care. You ever, kids ever ask you,

Dad, are we poor or are we rich? I guarantee you, if you're dirt poor, but you're standing by the side of your parents' bed as they're dying, and you're rehearsing all the times that, you know, you were so glad you had that 3 ,500 square foot house.

You're so glad you had that big room. You had all that special high grade extra pixel laptop.

You're not going to do any of that. You're going to be remembering the times you spent with your mom and dad. It doesn't cost you anything.

You just have to be a little creative. You can buy yourself a fishing pole, and a fishing line, and a stupid permit, and off you go.

Something you can do. It's like that thing that haunts me where I remember the kid's diary, the dad's diary.

Kid's diary. Went fishing today with dad all day. Only caught a couple things. It was the greatest day of my life.

Dad's diary. Didn't get any work done today and wasted a day. I just go, I get it.

And so I think some parents in this room need to work less and ask to spend more time with their kids. And if you're not married yet, don't buy a house that needs two incomes.

Then you're stuck. Then you're stuck. All right. Don't exasperate your kids.

We'll do that next week. All right, let's pray. Father, we thank you for this day. Give us wisdom.

Thank you that you have said if you ask you for wisdom, you'll grant it. So I pray for these parents, parents -to -be, grandparents, that you would give them wisdom in raising your kids.

And Lord, we know your grace is greater than all our sins. And so I pray that you'd encourage the people today that in spite of their weaknesses, sins, failures, things that they've done wrong in the past, my failures, that you love our kids more than we do and that you can work in spite of us.

But Lord, we'd ask you to work through us and may this be a great week for moms, dads, and kids.

Help us to do what we need to do so we can do what we want to do. Help us to do that in front of our kids and give us wisdom.