Victory Over Sexual Sin (Part 4)

No Compromise Radio

Subscribe

Download

Share

00

00:02

No Compromise Radio Thanks for tuning in to No Compromise Radio with pastor and author,

00:10

Dr. Mike Abendroth. Today on No Compromise Radio, we'll be hearing Pastor Mike open the

00:16

Word of God in a recent message he preached at Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston, Massachusetts.

00:22

Now let's join Pastor Mike in progress as he preaches through the Scriptures, verse by verse with no compromise.

00:30

But if they cannot exercise self -control, they should what? Marry. For it's better to marry than to burn with passion.

00:39

Paul says this is a solution. This harkens back to chapter 7, verses 1 to 6, doesn't it? God makes sexual creatures.

00:46

It's good in His plan. He designs people to enjoy that in marriage. And then if you have those desires and you have those hormones and you have that need, it's okay to get married.

00:56

There's nothing sinful about it. It's not wrong. You say, you know, but I vowed that I would stay single. Well, that was a stupid vow and repent and keep moving.

01:04

You're not trapped by the vow of celibacy. The solution is to get married.

01:10

If you can't live a happy, joy -filled life without the nagging desire to be with someone, especially some of these people that Paul was writing to were already married.

01:19

They'd already enjoyed that with the spouse. Paul says, get married. It's okay. Now, the best translation is found in the

01:27

King James. Listen to it. Don't turn to your king. Well, if you've got King James, you can look at it. But if they cannot contain, let them marry.

01:34

For it is better to marry than to burn. With passion is added. So what do you mean burn?

01:40

There are two options to burning. Number one, this option, F .F. Bruce's option, I think it's the wrong option, but it's to burn in hell.

01:48

If you have desires of sexual intimacy and you are fulfilling those desires outside of marriage, premarital sex, extramarital sex, and that continues on and on and on and on like a lifestyle, 1

02:00

Corinthians chapter 6, verse 9 and 10 says what? You won't inherit the kingdom of God, and you will eventually, what?

02:07

Burn in hell. Now, some people think it's that. That's one option. But the way better option, especially in all the context that we've been working through week after week, is exactly what the

02:17

NIV has, NAS, and ESV, to burn with passion. That's where we get the word pyro, to burn.

02:25

So Paul, with wonderful frankness, but he's still discreet, he says, if you've been married before and now you're not, or if you're always single or you're a widow or a divorce somehow has happened, and you can be content in gospel ministry, serve the body.

02:41

But if you can't be and you're burning with passion, with a desire for intimacy, you have only one option to exercise your sexuality, as it were, and that is in the marriage bed.

02:54

Hebrews 13 says it's undefiled. And Paul, notice, doesn't say if you have a desire for sexual intimacy, then douse that desire with extramarital relations.

03:05

Douse that desire with premarital relations. Douse that desire with homosexual relations.

03:11

He doesn't say that at all. If you have those desires, there's one way to quench the thirst in Psalm, excuse me,

03:17

Proverbs chapter five, and that is drinking from the fountain of pure water that is your wife.

03:23

If you haven't learned the lesson, I'll just tell you the lesson, and that is sinful sexual activity never satisfies, it never satisfies.

03:33

It's not meant to satisfy. The Old Testament equivalent to this concept is found in Hosea 7 .4.

03:39

They are all adulterers burning like an oven whose fire the baker need not stir from the kneading of the dough till it rises, a hot oven burning with lust.

03:50

You need to get married. By the way, a side note here, I'm going to give you a few side notes.

03:56

If you are engaged to another Christian and you have the silly notion that you're going to get married in five years after you graduate from college and pay off all your bills, may

04:07

I disavow you of such a notion? You say, well, I don't have any of those desires. Well, then you ought to tell that potential spouse that right away before there's going to be extra trouble.

04:16

The lack of self -control here found in verse 9 is not, well, I'm immoral, although it may include that, but the lack of self -control is the struggle, as one commentator says, with erotic desires, chronic distraction and temptation, disrupting a life lived out for the gospel.

04:33

I'd like to say to you as your pastor, if you are a single person and you have these desires, this pyro kind of inflamed desire and you'd love to be with the spouse that God chooses for you, would you please not fan those flames by pornography?

04:49

Would you please say to yourself, there are certain things I ought not to do. I ought not to flirt. I ought not to say innuendo sexually.

04:56

I ought not to say things that just fan the flame. I'm already burning enough. You don't need those extra things.

05:02

If you're involved in a relationship that you're working towards marriage and you ought to say to yourself, especially if you're the guy, should

05:08

I touch the girl or should I not? I like Elizabeth Elliot's advice and this is the advice we teach our kids.

05:14

At 13, Elizabeth Elliot's mother said, never chase boys and always keep them at arm's length and you'll never be in a compromising situation.

05:23

I also like what her father told her brothers, never tell a woman you love her until you are prepared to follow that statement immediately with, will you marry me?

05:35

Why would you say all this lovey -dovey romance language a month into relationship when you know you're not going to be married for two more years and feeding the flame and fanning the flames of passion?

05:46

There are two options for the singles. By the way, marriage, this is good for you because we have single people here.

05:52

They've had a struggle the last few weeks as we've talked about marriage and they've had, maybe they haven't had a struggle, but they've had to learn when the message was to the marriage and now

05:59

I'm talking to the singles, but the church at whole needs to know this. If you're able to carry on in gospel ministry as a single person without the distracting chronic knocking of,

06:10

I have these desires, then stay single. For those who don't have the gift, let me give you some practical exhortations in the time that I have left.

06:18

One, if you're now single and sexually active, repent. Sexual immorality, if you're involved now, flee sexual immorality.

06:28

If you're involved in pornography, run from pornography. Everybody wants to know what the will of God is.

06:33

I'll tell you what the will of God is when it comes to your body sexually, for this is the will of God. First Thessalonians, your sanctification that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the

06:49

Gentiles who do not know God, that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter because the

06:54

Lord is the avenger in all these sexual sins. As we told you before and solemnly warned you, retribution is certain for the sexual sinner.

07:06

I think he went a little overboard theologically, but I like his point. Spurgeon, woe unto the men who lead women astray.

07:14

I have heard of sailors who in every port they enter try to ruin others. I charge you to remember that you will have to face these ruined ones at the day of judgment.

07:23

You sailed away and they never knew where you went, but the Lord knew. It may be when you lie in hell, eyes will find you out and a voice will cry aloud.

07:31

Are you here? Are you the man that led me to perdition? You'll have to keep everlasting company with those whom you dragged down to hell and these will forever curse you to your face.

07:43

I don't care personally how many times you've been baptized, catechized, confirmed, ask Jesus into your heart.

07:48

If you are living in an ongoing sexual sin, you are not a Christian. The text says,

07:54

I forewarn you in Galatians 5, as I have forewarned you that those who practice such things, lifestyle, shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

08:03

Good news is, isn't there forgiveness found for even sexual sin? Isn't the cross of Christ great enough to forgive you all your sins?

08:11

Number two, contentment. Let me say a word about contentment. If you have this theology, this ideology in your mind, if I only get married, then

08:21

I'll be happy. Can I tell you as a friend, as a pastor, that's idolatry. If I only have sex in marriage, as a single person

08:30

I've desired it, if I only have sex in marriage, then I'll be happy. That is idolatry.

08:36

It's not wrong to desire a godly husband or a godly wife. It's not wrong to desire sex in marriage. But Calvin was right.

08:43

The evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but in that we want it too much.

08:49

If I only had such and such, I'd be happy. For those of you that aren't struggling with this, you just rate your job.

08:55

If I only had a better job, then I'd be happy. That's idolatry. If I only had a better wife, then I'd be happy.

09:00

That's idolatry. But back on point, if you are not content with your circumstances now,

09:06

Paul says he's learned contentment. I know it's difficult, but you know the sovereignty of God at this church, I'm positive. If you don't have that,

09:13

A, it's idolatry, and B, you have the danger of getting married to the wrong person. Because if you have to have something so bad, then you lower your standards.

09:22

Paul said in 1 Timothy, we have food and clothing. With these we will be content. Hebrews 13, be content with what you have, for God has said,

09:29

I never will leave you nor forsake you. Number three, I've said it before and I want to say it one more time, serve.

09:36

Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things, context, food, clothing, and shelter, but certainly everything else you need shall be added to you.

09:47

MacArthur said channel your energy through physical work and spiritual ministry. Serve. One man said, if I have any message to give for my own deathbed of sickness, it would be this.

09:56

If you do not wish to be full of regrets when you are obliged to lie still, work while you can. If you desire to make a sick bed, be as soft as it can be, do not stuff it with mournful reflections that you wasted your time when you were in health and strength.

10:09

People said to me years ago, you will break your constitution down with preaching 10 times a week. Well, if I have done so,

10:15

I'm glad of it. I would do the same again. You will never regret having done all that lies in you for our blessed

10:21

Lord and master. Crowd as much as you can into every day and postpone no work until tomorrow. End quote.

10:28

That's just not good for the deathbed. That's good for the single bed. Much more comfortable. Number four, work on your own sanctification so you can attract the kind of person that you'd like.

10:36

Work on your own sanctification. Work it out with fear and trembling, Philippians 2, so you can be the person that attracts the person you'd like.

10:45

Number five, what should you look for in a spouse? Number one, number one, they have to be the opposite sex.

10:53

So the opposite sex, number one, they always have had to be the opposite sex. That's the second thing.

10:58

Three, they must be born again. If you're going to get together and have fellowship and communion and conquered and agreement with someone, they have to be saved.

11:08

What else do you need to find in a spouse? Someone who has a high view of God. If you're a person who would like one of my daughter's hands and you call me and say,

11:15

I'd like to get to know your daughter, and you are a Pelagian, a hyper charismatic, you don't have a chance yet.

11:23

Now God may work in you. God may grow you as you and I go to the gun range together, learn the doctrines of grace.

11:33

Friends, you're going to, as married couples, horrible things happen because it's a horrible sin curse world, and you need to have the view that God is sovereign, and if you haven't learned that yet,

11:44

I'm going to have to try to teach that to you before you win my daughter's over and then be the head of them.

11:50

Additionally, your future spouse, what should you look for? Someone who serves, someone who's doing what

11:56

Paul is saying to do. Are you going to go try to find somebody who's disobedient? No, you want to find somebody who's obedient, and you say, you know what, this person has a desire for intimacy, but in the meantime, they're learning contentment and joy, and they're serving like mad now, and so that's what you look for, is someone who's being obedient to service.

12:13

How about this? If you don't have a, if you're older or you don't have a father who's in your life or a

12:20

Christian, how about someone that the leadership of the church recommends? We want to say yes, we want you to be happy, we want you to be holy before that, but sometimes we find out about it once everything's already involved.

12:33

By the way, you know, will you do the marriage? We're already going to get married. All right, let's just get really earthy on this next one.

12:38

Don't go to a dopey church to find a godly spouse. Well, there's nobody at BBC.

12:47

That's not true because people have gotten married here at BBC, and they've met here, and you're, if you're a young guy here or you're a young girl, there's, we're just one day away from your potential spouse walking through that door, aren't we?

12:58

People go, well, you know what? I'm going to go to that man -centered church, that seeker -sensitive church because I'm looking for a girl.

13:05

I'm looking for a guy. Well, you're going to get what you want, and then you're going to marry that kind of person, and then what?

13:13

And if you're the girl, you're going to be forced to go into some willow creek church. Go to a church with lame theology, you're going to marry a person with lame theology.

13:21

How about finding somebody with a good name? Turn with me if you were to Song of Solomon chapter one. Find someone with a good name.

13:28

Is it okay to marry someone because you're attracted to them physically? Of course. If you have no attraction to them physically, then you're not forced to marry.

13:37

It's not some extra godly thing, but I do find it interesting that in Song of Solomon chapter one, before they're married, she has erotic feelings that are fine and right and good.

13:50

They're not running loose, but there's something else, verse three, your anointing oils are fragrant.

13:56

You're what? Name is oil poured out, therefore virgins love you.

14:03

She wasn't just attracted physically. She was attracted because his name, his reputation, his character, his maturity, and for us and for you, you're attracted to someone, yes, but it should be for sound doctrine, the love of Christ, self -sacrificial giving and serving, servant's heart, character, love for the church.

14:24

Pleasant and attractive is fine, but I think you need to find someone that you can say these words to.

14:30

Will thee have this woman to thy wedded wife to live together after God's ordinance in the holy state of matrimony?

14:36

Will he love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, keep thee only under her so long as you both shall live.

14:46

If you're a parent, don't you want that for your kids? Number six, remember proper rules if you're looking for a spouse.

14:53

That is to say, men, you look, he who finds a wife finds a good thing, ladies, you respond.

14:59

Men, the initiator, girls are the responders. Sadly, our culture now, the women are the ones tracking people down.

15:07

Number seven, what about courtship and dating? Dating according to the world is in a total mess, it's a cesspool.

15:16

Recreational dating, mark it down, it forever and always leads to heartbreak, sex, emotional hurts, bad marriage decisions and a lot of divorce.

15:27

Not saying God couldn't do something great, we don't want to be presumptuous now, do we? What about courtship?

15:34

Here's my view of courtship. Courtship says that the father is the head of the household and that the father is in charge of his household, kind of an odd concept these days, but that's true.

15:48

And the young man who wants to get to know my daughter has to go through the head of the household, moi, and it's to be done in public, in the church setting, in the home setting.

16:00

While dating says, who cares about the dad and let's go get as private as we can with the lights as low as we can, courtship simply says,

16:08

I acknowledge the headship of the father and we're going to do things out in the middle of everywhere. I think of Ephesians six, fathers do not provoke your children anger.

16:17

Of course, women are important, I'm not saying anything about ladies except this, they're not the leader of the homes.

16:24

They're single moms and moms married unbelievers and all those kinds of things, but for right now, I want you to know that courtship recognizes the authority of the father and that father oversees the relationship of two people in public.

16:37

The father wants the good thing for the kids. He recognizes that the young man coming to the door to get to know the family better has sexual desires and if this is going to be the wife, will be sexual desires for her.

16:51

He recognizes all that. God has designed it that way, but the fathers need to watch over their families.

16:59

They are the leaders. Matter of fact, if you think of marriages, we have a marriage here. Women are given in marriage, true?

17:06

Who gives this woman to be married to this man? My ultimate pet peeve, at least my ultimate pet peeve today is for that man to stand up and say, we do.

17:16

Or that man to stand up and he looks over his shoulder and he says, my wife and I do. I just think,

17:22

I get it because I know how feministic our society is, but the headship of the woman is under the headship of the father and the father then says,

17:30

I approve this young lady. Who gives this woman to be married to this man? Of course the wife has helped and they've talked and prayed and she's probably given more input into the situation than the dad has, but the dad is a leader.

17:42

I do. I can't force people to say it, but I try. Well, I say to my girls, who gives this woman to be married to this man and I had to quick stand over here.

17:51

Her mother and I do. You're never going to hear it. The fathers are concerned for leadership, including this dad's.

17:58

If you have kids or grown up, it is your responsibility to protect the virginity of your daughter. That is your responsibility.

18:05

So much so in Deuteronomy chapter 22, there was a situation and the daughter loses her virginity and they take that girl to the house of the dad and stone her there to say you should have taken care of that daughter's virginity and you let her be compromised.

18:19

She is going to be stoned in front of you. Don't you want to protect your children and their temptations to sin, dad?

18:28

Of course. Don't you want to protect your daughters from someone taking advantage of her?

18:33

Yes. And another side note, dads, don't you want your children to dress in such a way at Bethlehem Bible Church and every place else that we don't have to go up to them and say, did your dad let you out of the house looking like that?

18:46

Modern dating says, get rid of the parents, especially get rid of the dad. We have younger people who have adult bodies and they have wisdom of 16 year olds, 17 year olds and 18 year olds.

18:57

And if you're 16, 17 or 18 year old, I like you, but you're not very wise in comparison to the wisdom of the ages or the age of the fathers.

19:07

Don't you want to protect your children from getting romantically involved before they're ready? So they don't base their decision on romance and cloud the picture.

19:15

I like romance. It's not bad, but it's bad if it's too early. Now here's how it should work. If someone is interested in your, one of your young kids, you say to your daughter, by the way, this all works for the sons too.

19:27

Sons go win the father. Sons do things in private. Sons do such and such. But we're just talking about the daughters here just briefly and your daughters are getting older and some guy says, you know,

19:38

I'd like to get to know you. I'd like to go out on a date. I'd like to court you. Then daughters, here's what we say.

19:44

Here's what fathers should teach their daughters. It takes a lot for a guy to get up enough gumption to ask the question and so be nice and just say if you don't like him or you don't want to just say, oh no, thanks.

19:53

Thanks for asking though. If you do like him, you do think there could be potential. Then you say, you'll have to ask my dad.

19:59

You'll have to call my dad. By the way, that gets rid of about 50 % of the cowards right there, so we're fine.

20:07

Then the guy gets enough gumption and he says, calls, you know, I'd like to, to date your daughter. I'd like to go out with your daughter.

20:12

And I say, oh, that's really good. I'm really glad you asked. I'm going to find out from my daughters. Do you want to?

20:17

And then if they want to, I'm going to say, oh, you know what? They can't provide for themselves yet.

20:23

They can't get their own jobs yet. They're still 15, 16, 17 years old. This is romance too soon or potential romance too soon.

20:30

She's not ready yet, but check in with me down the line if you're interested. Not going to let them get romantically involved before it's time or if you like the guy and she's old enough and she's 18, 20, whatever you're, you think in terms of maturity, you say, you know what?

20:45

I'd love to have you over, but you can't go out with her, but you can take all of us out. You don't just date her.

20:50

You date all of us. And so come on over to the home for Thanksgiving. Come on over to the gun range with me and my 45.

21:01

And by the way, all the little kids are sitting around the house going like this. That's going to happen to me one day.

21:09

That's going to happen to me. This whole, you know, some guy knocks out on the door and you know, your girl, you know, your daughter's like, yeah, but nobody likes me and I want to go out and you just let some,

21:18

I'd like to do one of these seminars that's not recorded and videotaped for the whole world, but just kind of between us girls kind of thing.

21:24

So I'll just try to refrain myself. I'm not just going to say, take my daughter. Now, by the way, once you trust the man and you know the man and you know the intentions, and here's one of the key points.

21:34

If you want to see my daughter with a view towards marriage, you may see her, but if you're just going to have fun, the deal's off with a view towards marriage.

21:42

If you're not ready to be married yet, you're not ready to get involved with my daughter and son. You're not ready to get involved in anybody else.

21:47

You don't even have a job yet and you think you want to get married and you're not ready for marriage, romance or anything else on sex included.

21:54

Parents can then help the kids with the major decision. Isn't it nice to tell your kids, honey, we love you and we've tried to help you with the right doctors to go to, the right education, the right church.

22:06

Every decision we try to help you, we're right there with you and we're not going to just throw you to the curb and let you pick somebody yourself.

22:12

I want you to actually love the person, but I'm going to help you. Your mom and I, we do.

22:18

We're going to try to come alongside and help you pick the right person. I bet you your kids, 18 years old, if I take them to O 'Connor's, they don't even know what to order.

22:26

It's apoplexy with all these choices and then they're going to marry the right person. Early involvement with the parents before the romance happens.

22:35

And if you're older and you don't have a dad, I think you should get the elders involved. Why? Because we want to run your life?

22:41

No. We want to help you. We want to protect you. We want to be there to serve you. And so the guy says, could

22:47

I see your daughter? Yes, you may. He begins to know me. I begin to trust him and then I let them go out on a date.

22:53

Some people even in our church are so petrified to say the word date. If he says, you know, I'd like to take your daughter out to dinner tonight and then

23:00

I'd like to bring her right back home, I'll be back at 1030. And he already knows me and trusts me and I say,

23:05

I'll let him go out. Dating within courtship supervised by the father, I see no problem with that. Dating you knock on the door and want to go, you know, to some nightclub together when you first meet her.

23:14

That of course is out. One man said courtship constitutes the process of investigating a person with marriage in mind.

23:22

So if you don't have marriage in mind and you're not able to be married, you ought not to court. You ought not to date.

23:28

You have to be busy doing what you should be doing. If you're not able to lead a wife spiritually and serve her in every way, including finances, you're not ready to date.

23:35

You're not ready to court. You're not ready to get married. If you're not involved in the life of the local church serving, well, you're certainly aren't ready to go win a woman.

23:43

What did my pastor say? What did my parents say? Why do you want to date her? I thought Josh Harris has some good questions.

23:50

Is your relationship centered on God and His glory? Are you growing in friendship, communication, fellowship, and romance?

23:56

Are you clear on your biblical roles as man and woman? Are other people supportive of your relationship?

24:02

Is sexual desire playing too big or too small a part in your decision? Do you want to marry this person?

24:08

So if you're single and you'd like to get married, I'd like to see you get married. But if you have a father, you go through the father for what?

24:16

For protection. He loves you. He cares for you. And if you're a son, sons should be told by their fathers, here's how you go win a woman the right way.

24:25

If I catch my kids flirting, I'm going to tell them, stop it. From now on, I'll give you my vow. When I catch your kids flirting in this church,

24:31

I'm going to put the hammer down because it's happening all the time. Flirting is not right. Flirting, think about Elizabeth Elliott and Jim Elliott.

24:38

She was almost stunned that she got the marriage proposal because he kept so many things back because he wasn't leading with the obvious.

24:46

He was leading with, is this right for the kingdom? Is it right for her? Is it right for the glory of God? And all this flirting just telegraphs early all these kinds of things.

24:55

It ought not to be. I think flirting is good in a marriage. Flirt all you want.

25:01

Have a flirt -a -thon. I really don't care. Kids are walking around this church like puppy dogs.

25:09

I'm telling you, you watch them. Dads, it's your responsibility. We want to delay romantic feelings until we know it's the right guy, the right girl.

25:20

No Compromise Radio with Pastor Mike Abendroth is a production of Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston.

25:26

Bethlehem Bible Church is a Bible -teaching church firmly committed to unleashing the life -transforming power of God's Word through verse -by -verse exposition of the sacred text.

25:36

Please come and join us. Our service times are Sunday morning at 1015 and in the evening at 6. We're right on Route 110 in West Boylston.

25:43

You can check us out online at bbchurch .org or by phone at 508 -835 -3400.

25:51

The thoughts and opinions expressed on No Compromise Radio do not necessarily reflect those of WVNE, its staff or management.