Sexual Ethics And The Gospel (part 5) - [1 Corinthians 7:7-9]

Well, Happy Mother's Day. Now that we've got that over, turn to 1

Corinthians chapter 1. I was waiting for a response, but what were you to say?

Happy Mother's Day back? We're going through the book of 1 Corinthians.

And I thought it was fairly ironic that the message today is a message to single people on Mother's Day.

So maybe some of the mothers are single, and so it might just work out well. Pretty much the MO around here is short of Christmas and Resurrection Sunday.

We just try to get in a book and just go verse by verse by verse so you can see the context, see the mind of God.

And as I've studied the passage this week, I first looked at it like I'm not so sure about it. And then as the week went on, it kept getting more exciting and more exciting and more exciting to see the mind of God and how

He plans things and what He wants from you in response. I was thinking this week that today's society is very similar to Judah back in the day when sexual perversion was horrible.

Listen to Jeremiah 5. They committed adultery and trooped to the harlot's house.

They were well fed, lusty horses, each one named after his neighbor's wife.

What a word picture to describe the sexual sin of the day. God said, shall

I not punish these people? And on a nation such as this, shall I not avenge myself?

We too, like Judah, are living in this kind of culture. So how do we navigate this sexual society full of landmines everywhere?

I remember years ago the family, we were in the Ardennes and walking around where Easy Company was holding off some of the

Germans. And to think that years later they found over 100 ,000 landmines still around.

What do we do here now in a culture? What do married people do? What do single people do? What do you do as a

Christian when it comes to sexual temptation and sexual fidelity?

And so here in 1 Corinthians chapter 5, 6, 7, the main topic is sexual purity, sexual fidelity.

And I've entitled the series Victory Over Sexual Temptation. Or maybe I think when I pulled up it's called, the sign is

Sexual Ethics in the Gospel. I pulled up this week, and last week it was part 4, and I pulled up on Wednesday or Tuesday was it?

And I saw on the sign out front, Sexual Ethics in the Gospel, part 47.

Some wise person, wise guy, wise lady added the 7 up there.

It's like that Puritan in New England literally for 40 years preached through Isaiah.

And when he died he was in Isaiah chapter 8. Never got any farther. And so buckle up I guess.

Here we go. I think this will be our last in the series of Victory Over Sexual Temptation. Something that God needs you to know.

You need to know. Whether you're older or younger, this is good truth for you. And so big picture let's have a review on how to overcome sexual temptation.

Because we didn't do big picture last week. Number one we learned that if you'd like to overcome sexual temptation and be pure, you should rehearse the gospel.

Let's go back to chapter 1 verse 2. Rehearsing the gospel. Why is this important? Because we just can't parachute into chapter 6.

We just can't parachute into chapter 7 and say, Here's all the list of what you should do. Because that's just moralism.

That's just legalism. In light of the cross, in light of what God has done for you. He totally did all these things for you.

And then a response should be, Well thank you. I will respond to you with a life of obedience.

Because of your great love for us, I now will respond. The indicative of the gospel. Jesus died for our sins.

Was raised from the dead. We respond to that indicative with the imperative.

Obey. And so chapter 1 verse 2. To the church of God. That is in Corinth.

To those sanctified in Christ Jesus. Called to be saints together.

With all those in every place. Call upon the name of the Lord. Lord Jesus Christ.

Both their Lord and ours. And then if you move to chapter 1 verse 9.

It's the same kind of language where God alone is the Savior. Not God and us.

It's not we're walking together for salvation. It's not my will and God's will.

It's not God plus our works. It's only God. Look at verse 9. God is faithful.

He will promise and He will perform that promise. By whom you were called into the fellowship of His Son.

Jesus Christ our Lord. Friends, if you're a Christian. Paul wants you to be reminded.

It's because God made you a Christian. First Peter chapter 1. God caused you to be born again.

Ephesians chapter 2. God made you alive. Colossians chapter 2. God made you alive.

And if you have been made a Christian. With all that goes with it. How about forgiveness of sins?

How about justification? How about imputed righteousness? How about the hope of heaven? How about the

Spirit of God dwelling in you? And the list goes on and on and on. If God alone did that. How should you respond?

Now if God just half did that. And you supplied the rest. God did everything He could. He was waiting for your free will to be exercised.

And your faith to add to what He did. To make the deal done. Then I don't think the weight of this comes across.

You say well if God did half. Then my response to the half He did. Might be half hearted obedience.

But since God did it all. God is the author of our faith. Jesus died on the cross.

Our free will didn't. Our faith didn't. God alone works. And so our response should be. God I want to serve you.

With my body. I want to be pure. And faithful. Sexually even. I couldn't help but read it this week.

It was so classic. Charles Spurgeon. Was talking about this idea of.

We have only come to Christ Jesus. By the work of the Spirit of God. Of course after He did the work.

We did believe. We did ascent. We did exercise. Belief. That's true. But that didn't cause anything.

That was the result of it. No one in this congregation said. By my own free will. I became a

Christian. Not one person. And so listen to Spurgeon. Who talks about people who pray.

In such a way. That they think God did most of the work. But they just had to add a little bit.

Here's Spurgeon's prayer. Of that kind of person. Lord I thank Thee. That I'm not like those poor presumptuous.

Sovereign gracers. Lord I was born with a glorious free will. I was born with power.

By which I can turn to Thee of myself. I have improved my grace. If everybody had done the same.

With their grace that I have. They might have all been saved. Lord I know that Thou does not make us willing.

If we are not willing ourselves. Thou give us grace to everybody. Some do not improve it. But I did.

It was not Thy grace that made us to differ. I know it was a great deal.

Still I turned the point. I made use of what was given me. And others did not. Lord that's the difference between them and me.

But since salvation was monergistic. Since salvation was something that was done to you.

And of course you responded with faith. But God caused your salvation.

He did it all. Grace to the nth degree. Then you say to yourself.

In light of what God has done. I should honor Him. I should honor Him in every area. Including sexually.

Number 2. How do you have victory over sexual temptation? 1. You rehearse the gospel. 2.

Let's go to chapter 6. You don't rationalize. No rationalizing sins. And we looked at that in chapter 6 verses 12 and 13.

They would get a slogan. And they would make that slogan run on all fours. If you like to sin.

Believe me. You'll try to figure out a way to do it. You'll try to get it in such a way. That you'll have it all just worked out.

So you can sleep well at night. Verse 12. All things are lawful for me.

But not all things are helpful. Paul said. All things are lawful for me. See that's the slogan. All things are lawful.

Well obviously sexual sin is not lawful. He just said back in chapter 6 verses 9 and 10. That's not lawful.

All sex outside of marriage isn't lawful. And then there's another slogan in verse 13.

Food is meant for the stomach. And the stomach for food. When you get hungry and your stomach growls. You have to what?

Eat. And when you get hungry with a physical appetite. A sexual appetite. Then you must enjoy yourself.

And Paul says. No, no, no, no, no. How do you overcome sexual sin?

Number 3. You have a right view of your body. Found in the rest of the verses in chapter 6.

A right view of the body. Stomach's going to be gone in heaven. But you'll have your body in heaven.

And that body's been bought with a price. That body is the Holy Spirit's temple. Verse 20 of chapter 6. You were bought with a price.

So therefore glorify God with your body. Sexual context. Number 4.

If you're married. How do you have victory over sexual temptation? We saw this last week. Verses 1 through 6 of chapter 7.

What's the answer? If you struggle sexually. And you're tempted. God says if you're married. Enjoy your spouse.

Enjoy your spouse in this regard. Found in chapter 7 verses 1 to 6.

Verse 5. Do not deprive one another. We know the context. Except perhaps for agreement. For a limited time.

So that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again. So that Satan may not tempt you.

Because of your lack of self -control. Now we move to number 5. Victory over sexual temptation.

Number 5. Found in verses 7, 8, and 9 this morning. If you're single.

And you struggle with sexual temptation. Get married. If you're single.

And you struggle with sexual temptation. Get married. So here's what we'll do this morning. I'm going to give you 3 biblical truths from these verses.

And then there will be 2 options. In light of the truth. What are the ways to go? And again, of course, this is written to Christian people.

To have the spirit of God. Who are able to obey. And the context still. In chapter 5, 6, and 7.

Is the sexual context. So let me give you the 3 truths. And then in light of the 3 truths.

2 directions that we could go. Or you could go. First general truth is found in verse 7.

Here's the truth. Paul is not commanding celibacy. Or abstinence for everyone.

Paul is not commanding it. Let's look at verse 7. You'll know why

I phrased it that way. As you look at the verse. Many things you should identify.

You should follow the apostle Paul as he does. But it's not WWPD. What would

Paul do? Sometimes that works. Just like sometimes WWJD works.

And sometimes. Especially if you're in the desert for 40 years. 40 years. 40 days. If you're in the desert for 40 years.

Especially if it doesn't work. Verse 7. Paul is not commanding abstinence. I wish that all were as I myself am.

Each has his own gift from God. One of one kind. One of another.

Well this begs the question, doesn't it? Paul, then what were you? Doesn't it beg the question?

Paul, what are you? We'll talk more about this later. But Paul is not married at the moment.

And he's identifying himself with these unmarried people. And we'll learn in a minute, was he divorced?

Did he lose his wife? What was going on there? But right now, Paul doesn't have a spouse.

And he now, it's like he's backpedaling a little bit. And he's trying to make sure the people are not going to say,

Paul, you are celibate. You are single. You abstain. Therefore, that's the only way to go.

His preference for celibacy. Is exactly that. His preference.

Celibacy is good. Abstinence is good. But it's not for everyone. Sexual desire is fine.

Celibacy, though, is also good. Paul is not pushing sexual celibacy.

You notice the language again? I wish. This is not a command. This doesn't sound like Paul very often.

I wish this would happen. I wish it could be this. Paul is usually, these are the commands in light of the gospel. He refuses to push this preference upon others.

And I immediately thought, we know of religions, don't we? That push this preference on some of the people in their congregations.

We know it well, and we know the fallout. We know one particular large religion that does that.

And they say that celibacy is an eschatological sign of the church. That is, celibacy in heaven.

They're not married or given in marriage. And so the best thing we could do is be celibate on earth. There are many other religious organizations that do the same thing.

Shakers, imposed by the leader. No sexual relations.

I found Buddhists that do the same thing. Hindus, the Harmony Society. Ephrata, Cloister.

A lot of these die out pretty quickly because of obvious reasons. Some don't.

Here's the main point that I want to make explicit. It's only an implied truth, but I want you to see it clearly.

Paul is not commanding celibacy. He's not commanding abstinence. Second truth that helps us get a foundation for these two suggestions, these two commands that are going to be later.

Number one, Paul's not commanding abstinence. Number two, don't forget that the gift of singleness doesn't have to be perpetual.

The gift of celibacy does not have to be forever on this earth. The gift of abstinence doesn't mean if you're abstinent now, you never can get married.

Now remember, some of these people are already married. They've lost their spouses, and now we're talking to these people.

Paul was talking to these people. Now did you know Paul was married before? I can't find a verse for it, but here's why

I think Paul was married before. One, when he identifies with any group in 1 Corinthians 7, he doesn't identify with the virgins later in chapter 7.

He identifies with these people who were married and no longer are married. Two, any

Jewish leader of the day would have to be married. Three, if you're a member of the

Sanhedrin, which we think Paul probably was, and probably Acts 26 .10 makes an allusion to it, to be a part of the

Sanhedrin, you had to be married. And so almost every good commentator thinks Paul was married.

Now, Paul is married, and when he's married, he's with his wife. He would be disobeying his own commands, the

Lord's command, if he wasn't. But now he's single and happy to be celibate, happy to abstain, happy to have the gift of singleness.

And now he's talking to these other people that are going through the exact same thing. This is not

Matthew 19. Some people are eunuchs for the kingdom. Some people are made eunuchs. This is,

I first get saved, and I realize, you know what, forget salvation, I don't have any desire to be with someone of the opposite sex.

That's not what we're talking about here. That's not what we're talking about at all. This is talking about contentedness sexually for a time.

One man said, That Paul's gift concerns the capacity to concentrate on the work of the gospel without being distracted by sexual desires.

Whether unexpressed or, as in the case of the celibate, are expressed, for those married is suggested by what follows in verse 9.

Look back at the text again. One has this gift, and another has that. He's not talking about one has the gift of celibacy forever, and the other gets the gift of marriage.

He's talking about one has the gift of contentment doing gospel work. Like Paul, he had already been married.

He didn't have the lifelong gift of celibacy because he got married. Not at all.

You know what, I thought there were people like this. If you haven't read about Elizabeth Elliot, you probably should. She courted

Jim Elliot, or Jim Elliot properly courted her. They were married in 1953.

By the way, Jim didn't think he ever wanted to get bogged down with a lady. Then, as he got to know

Elizabeth more, they married in 1953, and Jim was killed in 1956. In 1959, she returns with her daughter

Valerie at four years old with Rachel Saint, the widow of Nate Saint. They return and move back down with the tribe that killed her husband and that killed

Rachel's husband. So, she obviously doesn't have the lifelong gift of celibacy, and she gets married to Jim.

Jim is killed, and then she moves back down for gospel ministry. Content, happy, happy to serve the

Lord. Exactly what Paul was talking about. That's what Paul was doing. I'm happy in gospel ministry. But then, interestingly, she moves back in 1963 to the

United States, and she does what in 1969? She gets married to Addison Leach.

So, like Paul, married, obviously not the lifelong gift of eunuchhood, celibacy.

I've met some people who say, you know, I never have any desire, and I just assumed to serve the Lord my entire life.

I'm not attracted to the opposite sex at all. That's the Matthew 19 kind of person. That's not the 1

Corinthians 7 kind of person who says, I'm unmarried, I'm widowed, I'm divorced,

I'm single, and I would like to get married maybe someday, but my focus now is on the gospel.

I can do it without being distracted. By the way, Addison died, and then he died in 1973, and then in 1977 she remarried

Lars. What was she doing in the meantime? Well, she was gospel. She was serving the gospel.

Gospel ministry. Just a pastoral point here. If you are older and you've never been married, or if you're older because you had been divorced, or you lost a spouse early on, and you think,

I wonder if I will ever marry again, the answer could be yes. If you're 40, 30, 50 years old, and you say,

I'm not married yet, I haven't been with a person in marriage, I wonder if I ever will, or I wonder if I have the gift of singleness.

You could be thinking to yourself, I know some of you right now who are saying to yourself, maybe I do have the gift of singleness, but if you knew what goes on in my heart and my desires that I have,

I have a desire to be with a spouse. Well, there's hope for you. How about that? I'm here to tell you, if you have desires for a spouse and desires for sexual relations in marriage, then you don't have the gift of singleness.

The celibacy unit kind of Matthew chapter 19 discussion. And let me give you some other hope.

If you are now single, because you've always been single, you've been divorced, you have lost your spouse, and you say to yourself, you know,

I don't have any desire to get remarried, I don't have any desire to be with a husband again, no desire to be with a wife again,

I just want to serve the Lord. If you later on meet someone that you find attractive and you date them properly, court them properly, whatever terminology we'll use, we'll talk about that later, and you change your mind and say,

I really do have a desire to be with them, physically. You know what? That's okay. How great is that?

That's okay. That's exactly what happened to Elizabeth Elliot. This singleness in 1

Corinthians 7 is not always perpetual. It's not necessarily perpetual. Truth number three, and then we'll have the two options.

Truth number three, general truth one, Paul's not commanding abstinence. Number two, singleness doesn't have to be perpetual.

Number three, don't forget that God's gifts are designed always to build up the body of Christ.

Verse 7, if God gives a gift, you mark it down. It's always for the building up and edification of the body.

Now, chapter 12, gift of tongues, gift of interpretation, gift of teaching, gift of helps.

There's another kind of gift that's not put in the spiritual gifts category, and that is the gift that you stay content where you are when it comes to this area.

Look what he says in verse 7 again. I wish that all were as myself am, but each has his own, what?

Gift from God. This is a gift from God. Charisma is the

Greek word. One from one kind and one of another. These are bestowed graciously by God for the building up of the church.

Let me put it this way. When it's Christmas time, what do people like to say? There's a reason for the season.

Do people say that to you? Fairly quiet, somber in our group this morning.

Part 47. Makes sense. There's a reason for this season in your life.

And if you're between spouses, you're single, you're not married, you're widowed, you're a widower, there's a reason for this.

And if you're content to be the way you are now, the reason is so you can serve full bore for the

Lord. You can be like Anna, who at 84 years old is serving like man. I have news for you.

Those of you who are married have a harder time serving than those of you who are single. Paul's going to talk about that in chapter 7.

I have to be concerned about my wife. I mean, I've got a low -maintenance wife. I always heard one guy say, what's worse than having a high -maintenance wife?

Having a high -maintenance wife who thinks she's low -maintenance, that's bad. And I have a low -maintenance wife who knows she's low -maintenance.

But I still have to be concerned about, is Kim happy? How's Kim doing? I want to make sure that if I don't love her,

I'm not loving myself. It's harder to serve the gospel and be in gospel ministry when you're married.

So if you're in this season of life now, and you say, well, I have no desire ever.

I'm like a eunuch, been made eunuch by God in Matthew 19. I never want to ever be with anybody.

Great, serve like man. But if you're a chapter seven kind of person that says, for whatever reason, single because you have always been single, you're divorced, you're widowed, you're a widower, and now, you know what?

It's not that big a deal for me to be with somebody again. Maybe it could happen one day, but right now,

I'm content. You are to be servants, serving the local church. I'd go so far to say this.

Most singles groups that I know, they are consumed with themselves.

Oh, all the other married people, and we're single. I remember years ago, I got here, and some people said, we want a singles ministry at this church.

And I said, the singles ministry at BBC is the singles need to serve. That's your ministry, because you don't have to have a spouse to be concerned about.

It doesn't mean that singles can't get together and do what they do. I don't mean that at all. But if you are single, this is a gift from God, then you need to build up the body of Christ.

And you know what the good news is? As I look around at some of you who are single, that's exactly what you do. Good job.

Way to go. This kind of gift comes from God.

It doesn't come by yourself. It doesn't make, you don't get it by a vow. The Pope doesn't force you to have it.

This is from God for the building up of the body. If you're single, there's a reason for that.

So those are the truths, and now there's two paths for the singles. Okay, path number one is found in verse eight.

Two paths and only two paths. If you're single and you're a

Christian, path one, if you don't have the nagging, dominating thoughts of sexual intimacy, you don't have to be married.

You can be content as a single person. Verse eight. To the unmarried is a very general term.

It could be unmarried in any category. It's a broad term. Separated, divorced, widowed, single, never married.

To the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.

He thinks it's good. Why is it good? A, God says it's good. B, because you can serve a lot.

And so if you're not distracted, you're a married person, you've lost your spouse, and then now you say, but I'm not distracted by the sexual intimacy and the desire and it's not dominating my thinking.

It's not just kind of gnawing on me all the time. I'd like that back again. By the way, it's not bad to have that desire.

God gave you hormones. God gave you those desires. It's just always bad to go too far in your mind, and it's always bad to have sexual relations before you're married.

But Paul's saying it's excellent, the Greek word is. It's beneficial that if you're not dominated by the thoughts of,

I need a spouse, I need a spouse, I need a spouse, I'm dying on the inside, clawing away, scratching away.

That's all I can ever think about, practically. If you're not that person, then you can just stay single.

And by the way, maybe the right guy will come along and all those feelings will change. Maybe the right lady will come along and all those feelings will change.

Singleness is good. Lots of opportunities to serve. Concentrate on gospel work. Without being distracted by sexual needs,

Paul says that's excellent. The other option, though, is found in verse 9.

Here's the other option for the people of God. If you do have nagging, dominating thoughts of sexual intimacy, and you can't serve without this distraction,

Paul has a word for you, and that is a command, and it's get married. Marry. If you can't serve without the distraction of unfulfilled sexual passion, marry.

This is the only command in the section, verse 9. But if they cannot exercise self -control, they should what? Marry. For it's better to marry than to burn with passion.

Paul says this is a solution. This harkens back to chapter 7, verses 1 to 6, doesn't it? God makes sexual creatures.

It's good in his plan. He designs people to enjoy that in marriage, and then if you have those desires, and you have those hormones, and you have that need, it's okay to get married.

There's nothing sinful about it. It's not wrong. You say, you know, but I vowed that I would stay single. Well, that was a stupid vow, and repent and keep moving.

You're not trapped by the vow of celibacy. The solution is to get married.

If you can't live a happy, joy -filled life without the nagging desire to be with someone, especially some of these people that Paul was writing to were already married.

They'd already enjoyed that with the spouse. Paul says, get married. It's okay. Now, the best translation is found in the

King James. Listen to it. Don't turn to your King, well, if you've got King James, you can look at it, but if they cannot contain, by the way, very proper language.

It's all just perfect for public proclamation, but if they cannot contain, let them marry.

For it is better to marry than to burn. With passion is added. So what do you mean burn?

There are two options to burning. Number one, this option, F .F. Bruce's option,

I think it's the wrong option, but it's to burn in hell. If you have desires of sexual intimacy and you are fulfilling those desires outside of marriage, premarital sex, extramarital sex, and that continues on and on and on and on like a lifestyle, 1

Corinthians chapter 6 verse 9 and 10 says what? You won't inherit the kingdom of God.

And you will eventually what? Burn in hell. Now some people think it's that.

Day of Judgment, the Dewey Reams Bible translation says that if they do not contain themselves, let them marry.

For it is better to marry than to be burnt. That's one option, but the way better option, especially in all the context that we've been working through week after week, is exactly what the

NIV has, NAS, and ESV, to burn with passion. That's where we get the word pyro, to burn.

So Paul with wonderful frankness, but he's still discreet, he says if you've been married before and now you're not, or if you're always single or you're a widow or a divorce somehow has happened, and you can be content in gospel ministry, serve the body.

But if you can't be and you're burning with passion with a desire for intimacy, you have only one option to exercise your sexuality, as it were, and that is in the marriage bed.

Hebrews 13 says it's undefiled. Burning is used many times in pagan resources and pagan literature as unregulated passion couples aflame with love.

It's a metaphor for the forces of erotic passion that can't seem to be controlled.

And Paul, notice, doesn't say if you have the desire for sexual intimacy, then douse that desire with extramarital relations.

Douse that desire with premarital relations. Douse that desire with homosexual relations.

He doesn't say that at all. If you have those desires, there's one way to quench the thirst in Proverbs chapter 5 and that is drinking from the fountain of pure water that is your wife.

If you haven't learned the lesson, I'll just tell you the lesson and that is sinful sexual activity never satisfies.

It never satisfies. It's not meant to satisfy. The Old Testament equivalent to this concept is found in Hosea 7 .4.

They are all adulterers burning like an oven whose fire the baker need not stir from the kneading of the dough till it rises.

A hot oven burning with lust. You need to get married. By the way, side note here.

I'm going to give you a few side notes. If you are engaged to another Christian and you have the silly notion that you're going to get married in five years after you graduate from college and pay off all your bills, may

I disavow you of such a notion? You say, well, I don't have any of those desires. Well then, you ought to tell that potential spouse that right away before there's going to be extra trouble.

The lack of self -control here found in verse 9 is not, well, I'm immoral although it may include that, but the lack of self -control is the struggle, as one commentator says, with erotic desires, chronic distraction and temptation disrupting a life lived out for the gospel.

And I'd like to say to you as your pastor, if you are a single person and you have these desires, this pyro kind of inflamed desire and you'd love to be with the spouse that God chooses for you, would you please not fan those flames by pornography?

Would you please say to yourself, there are certain things I ought not to do. I ought not to flirt. I ought not to say innuendos sexually.

I ought not to say things that just fan the flame. I'm already burning enough. You don't need those extra things.

If you're involved in a relationship that you're working towards marriage and you ought to say to yourself, especially if you're the guy, should

I touch the girl or should I not? I like Elizabeth Elliot's advice and this is the advice we teach our kids.

At 13, Elizabeth Elliot's mother said, never chase boys. By the way, some parents,

I'm watching some of your kids and I try to tell my kids not to do it and if you see my kids doing it, please let me know.

But we have the teen chasing ministry going on at the church here. I even saw it today when I walked upstairs.

You watch your kids chase the opposite sex with their tongues practically on the floor while you're over there having coffee.

It's happening at Bethlehem Bible Church. Chasing, wagging, flirting. Be careful.

Be involved with your kids. Here's what Elizabeth Elliot said, never chase boys and always keep them at arm's length and you'll never be in a compromising situation.

I also like what her father told her brothers. Never tell a woman you love her until you are prepared to follow that statement immediately with will you marry me?

Why would you say all this lovey -dovey romance language a month into relationship when you know you're not going to be married for two more years and feeding the flame and fanning the flames of passion?

That's just advice. I don't have a Bible verse for that. I think you should not fan the flames of passion by listening to fellow workers and fellow students' escapades.

Looking inappropriately at a lady, I think of Job 31 where Job said, I've made a covenant with my eyes. If you're a lady and those fans are flamed,

I think you should toss out all your Christian romance books, even the Amish Christian romance books.

How's that? There are two options for the single.

By the way, marriage, this is good for you because we have single people here. They've had a struggle the last few weeks as we've talked about marriage and maybe they haven't had a struggle, but they've had to learn when the message was to the marrieds and now

I'm talking to the singles, but the church at whole needs to know this. If you're able to carry on in gospel ministry as a single person without the distracting, chronic knocking of,

I have these desires, then stay single. For those who don't have the gift, let me give you some practical exhortations in the time that I have left.

One, if you're now single and sexually active, repent.

I like Vince Lombardi. I like Vince too. I think he's sitting here. There he is right there.

Vince Lombardi, he'd go into the Green Bay Packers first day of camp. First day he's a coach and he gets the football up and he holds the football up and he says what?

This is a football. Basic. Sexual immorality, if you're involved now, flee sexual immorality.

If you're involved in pornography, run from pornography. Everybody wants to know what the will of God is.

I'll tell you what the will of God is when it comes to your body, sexually, for this is the will of God, 1

Thessalonians, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality. That each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor.

Not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God. That no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter.

Because the Lord is the avenger in all these sexual sins. As we told you before and solemnly warned you.

Retribution is certain for the sexual sinner. I think he went a little overboard theologically, but I like his point.

Spurgeon, woe unto the men who lead women astray. I have heard of sailors who in every port they enter try to ruin others.

I charge you to remember that you will have to face these ruined ones at the day of judgment. You sailed away and they never knew where you went, but the

Lord knew. It may be when you lie in hell, eyes will find you out and a voice will cry aloud, are you here?

Are you the man that led me to perdition? You'll have to keep everlasting company with those whom you dragged down to hell.

And these will forever curse you to your face. I don't care personally how many times you've been baptized, catechized, confirmed.

Ask Jesus into your heart if you are living in an ongoing sexual sin. You are not a

Christian. The text says, I forewarn you in Galatians 5, as I have forewarned you that those who practice such things, lifestyle, shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

The good news is, isn't there forgiveness found for even sexual sin? Isn't the cross of Christ great enough to forgive you all your sins?

Number two, contentment. Let me say a word about contentment.

If you have this theology, this ideology in your mind, if I only get married then

I'll be happy. I tell you as a friend, as a pastor, that's idolatry. If I only have sex in marriage, as a single person

I've desired it, if I only have sex in marriage, then I'll be happy. That is idolatry.

It's not wrong to desire a godly husband or a godly wife. It's not wrong to desire sex in marriage.

But Calvin was right. The evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but in that we want it too much.

If I only had such and such, I'd be happy. For those of you that aren't struggling with this, you just wrecked your job.

If I only had a better job then I'd be happy. That's idolatry. If I only had a better wife then I'd be happy.

That's idolatry. But back on point, if you are not content with your circumstances now,

Paul says he's learned contentment. I know it's difficult, but you know the sovereignty of God at this church. I'm positive. If you don't have that,

A, it's idolatry, and B, you have the danger of getting married to the wrong person.

Because if you have to have something so bad, then you lower your standards. Paul said in 1

Timothy, we have food and clothing. With these we will be content. Hebrews 13, be content with what you have for God has said,

I never will leave you nor forsake you. Number three, I've said it before and I want to say it one more time, serve.

Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things, context, food, clothing, and shelter, but certainly everything else you need, shall be added to you.

MacArthur said, channel your energy through physical work and spiritual ministry. Serve.

One man said, if I have any message to give from my own deathbed of sickness, it would be this, if you do not wish to be full of regrets when you are obliged to lie still, work while you can.

If you desire to make a sickbed be as soft as it can be, do not stuff it with mournful reflections that you wasted your time when you were in health and strength.

People said to me years ago, you will break your constitution down with preaching ten times a week. Well, if I have done so,

I'm glad of it. I would do the same again. You will never regret having done all that lies in you for our blessed

Lord and Master. Crowd as much as you can into every day and postpone no work until tomorrow.

End quote. That's just not good for the deathbed, that's good for the single bed. Much more comfortable.

Number four, work on your own sanctification so you can attract the kind of person that you'd like. Work on your own sanctification, work it out with fear and trembling,

Philippians 2, so you can be the person that attracts the person you'd like. Number five, what should you look for in a spouse?

Let's just get as practical as we can. Number one, what do you look for in a spouse?

If you're single, number one, they have to be the opposite sex. I tell everybody this all the time.

We are in Massachusetts. I have forms now that I have to fill out. Spouse one, spouse two, it used to be husband and wife, now it's spouse one, spouse two.

So the opposite sex, number one, they always have had to be the opposite sex. That's the second thing.

I hate to say it, but I have to. I don't really hate to say it, but I'm going to say it. Three, they must be born again.

Listen, Arthur Pink, with one exception of personal conversion, marriage is the most momentous of all earthly events in the life of a man or a woman.

It forms the bond of union, which binds them until death. It brings them into such intimate fellowship, they either must sweeten or embitter each other's existence.

If you're going to get together and have fellowship and communion and conquered and agreement with someone, they have to be saved.

Hank went on to say, there are two families in this world, children of God and children of the devil. If then a daughter of God marries a son of the evil one, she becomes a daughter -in -law to Satan.

If a son of God marries a daughter of Satan, he becomes a son -in -law to the devil. What else do you need to find in a spouse?

Someone who has a high view of God. Someone who has a high view of God, like the sovereignty of God.

If you're a person who would like one of my daughter's hands and you call me and say, I'd like to get to know your daughter and you are a

Pelagian, a hyper -charismatic, you don't have a chance yet.

Now, God may work in you, God may grow you, as you and I go to the gun range together and learn the doctrines of grace.

Friends, you're going to have, as married couples, horrible things happen because it's a horrible sin -cursed world and you need to have the view that God is sovereign.

If you haven't learned that yet, I'm going to have to try to teach you before you win my daughter's over and then be the head of them high views of God.

Additionally, your future spouse, what should you look for? Someone who serves. Someone who's doing what

Paul is saying to do. Are you going to go try to find somebody who's disobedient? No, you want to find somebody who's obedient.

You say, you know what, this person has a desire for intimacy, but in the meantime they're learning contentment and joy and they're serving like mad now.

And so that's what you look for is someone who's being obedient to service. How about this?

We're usually the last to know. If you don't have a, if you're older or you don't have a father who's in your life or a

Christian, how about someone that the leadership of the church recommends? We want to say yes, we want you to be happy.

We want you to be holy before that. But sometimes we find out about it once everything's already involved. By the way, you know, will you do the marriage?

We're already going to get married. I'll talk more in just a moment. That romance blinds people sometimes.

Alright, let's just get really earthy on this next one. This is more where than what. Now I'll go back to what.

Where? Don't go to a dopey church to find a godly spouse. Well, there's nobody at BBC.

Well, that's not true because people have gotten married here at BBC and they've met here.

And if you're a young guy here or you're a young girl, we're just one day away from your potential spouse walking through that door, aren't we?

Larry Bird might not walk through that door, but we're potentially one spouse away walking through that inside.

People go, well, you know what, I'm going to go to that man -centered church, that seeker -sensitive church because I'm looking for a girl.

I'm looking for a guy. Well, you're going to get what you want. And then you're going to marry that kind of person and then what?

And if you're the girl, you're going to be forced to go into some willow creek church. Go to a church with lame theology, you're going to marry a person with lame theology.

How about finding somebody with a good name? Turn with me if you were to Song of Solomon chapter 1. Find someone with a good name.

I'm going to go a little longer today than normal but that's alright. Find someone with a good name.

Is it okay to marry someone because you're attracted to them physically? Of course. If you have no attraction to them physically, then you're not forced to marry.

It's not some extra godly thing. But I do find it interesting that in Song of Solomon chapter 1, before they're married, she has erotic feelings that are fine and right and good.

They're not running loose. She says in verse 2, let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth for your love, that's erotic love, that's not agape love there, is better than wine.

It's okay to have that desire. God created romance. He likes that. It's fine.

But there's something else. Verse 3, your anointing oils are fragrant. You're what? Name is oil poured out.

Therefore, virgins love you. She wasn't just attracted physically.

She was attracted because his name, his reputation, his character, his maturity.

And for us and for you, you're attracted to someone, yes, but it should be for sound doctrine, the love of Christ, self -sacrificial giving and serving, servant's heart, character, love for the church.

Pleasant and attractive is fine, but I think you need to find someone that you could say these words to.

Will these women to thy wedded wife to live together after God's ordinance in the holy state of matrimony?

Will they love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her so long as you both shall live?

If you're a parent, don't you want that for your kids? Number 6, I've got to speed up a little bit here.

Number 6, remember proper rules if you're looking for a spouse. That is to say, men, you look.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing. Ladies, you respond. Men, the initiator. Girls are the responders.

Sadly, our culture now, the women are the ones tracking people down. Women, I think it's fine if you're smart enough to be in a place to be found.

That's smart, but... Number 7, what about courtship and dating?

Dating, according to the world, is in a total mess. It's a cesspool. Recreational dating, mark it down forever and always leads to heartbreak, sex, emotional hurts, bad marriage decisions, and a lot of divorce.

I'm not saying God couldn't do something great, but we don't want to be presumptuous now, do we?

What about courtship? Here's my view of courtship. Courtship says that the father is the head of the household, and that the father is in charge of his household.

Kind of an odd concept these days, but that's true. And the young man who wants to get to know my daughter has to go through the head of the household, moi.

And it's to be done in public, in the church setting, in the home setting. While dating says, who cares about the dad, and let's go get as private as we can with the lights as low as we can, courtship simply says,

I acknowledge the headship of the father, and we're going to do things out in the middle of everywhere. I think of Ephesians 6, fathers do not provoke your children to anger.

Of course, women are important. I'm not saying anything about ladies, except this, they're not the leaders of the homes.

Now, there's single moms, and moms married to unbelievers, and all those kinds of things, but for right now, I want you to know that courtship recognizes the authority of the father, and that father oversees the relationship of two people in public.

The father wants the good thing for the kids. He recognizes that the young man coming to the door, to get to know the family better, has sexual desires.

And if this is going to be the wife, will be sexual desires for her. He recognizes all that. God has designed it that way.

But the fathers need to watch over their families. They are the leaders. As a matter of fact, if you think of marriages, we have a marriage here, women are given in marriage.

True? Who gives this woman to be married to this man? My ultimate pet peeve, at least my ultimate pet peeve today, is for that man to stand up and say, we do.

Or that man to stand up and he looks over his shoulder and he says, my wife and I do. I just think,

I get it, because I know how feministic our society is, but the headship of the woman is under the headship of the father, and the father then says,

I approve this young lady. Who gives this woman to be married to this man? Of course, the wife has helped, and they've talked and prayed, and she's probably given more input into the situation than the dad has, but the dad is a leader.

I do. I can't force people to say it, but I try.

When I say to my girls, who gives this woman to be married to this man, and I have to quick stand over here, her mother and I do, you're never going to hear it.

The fathers are concerned for leadership, including this, dads. If you have kids or grown -up, it is your responsibility to protect the virginity of your daughter.

That is your responsibility, so much so in Deuteronomy chapter 22, there was a situation, and the daughter loses her virginity, and they take that girl to the house of the dad and stone her there to say, you should have taken care of that daughter's virginity, and you let her be compromised, she is going to be stoned in front of you.

Don't you want to protect your children and their temptations to sin, dad? Of course.

Don't you want to protect your daughters from someone taking advantage of her? Yes. And another side note, dads, don't you want your children to dress in such a way at Bethlehem Bible Church and every place else, that we don't have to go up to them and say, did your dad let you out of the house looking like that?

Modern dating says, get rid of the parents, especially get rid of the dad. We have younger people who have adult bodies, and they have wisdom of 16 -year -olds, 17 -year -olds, and 18 -year -olds.

And if you're 16, 17, or 18 -year -old, I like you, but you're not very wise in comparison to the wisdom of the ages.

Or the age of, for that matter. Fathers, don't you want to protect your children from getting romantically involved before you're ready?

They're ready? So they don't base their decision on romance and cloud the picture? I like romance.

It's not bad, but it's bad if it's too early. Now, here's how it should work.

If someone is interested in one of your young kids, you say to your daughter, and by the way, this all works for the sons too.

Sons go in the father. Sons do things in private. Sons do such and such.

We're just talking about the daughters here just briefly. And your daughters are getting older, and some guy says, you know,

I'd like to get to know you. I'd like to go on a date. I'd like to court you. Then, daughters, here's what we say.

Here's what fathers should teach their daughters. It takes a lot for a guy to get up enough gumption to ask the question, so be nice and just say, if you don't like him or you don't want to, just say, oh, no thanks.

Thanks for asking. If you do like him, you do think there could be potential, then you say, you'll have to ask my dad.

You'll have to call my dad. By the way, that gets rid of about 50 % of the cowards right there. So we're fine.

Especially if you're the pastor. Then the guy gets enough gumption and he says, calls, you know,

I'd like to date your daughter. I'd like to go out with your daughter. And I say, oh, that's really, I'm really glad you asked.

I'm going to find out from my daughters, do you want to? And if they want to, I'm going to say, oh, you know what?

They can't provide for themselves yet. They can't get their own jobs yet. They're still 15, 16, 17 years old.

This is romance too soon or potential romance too soon. She's not ready yet, but check in with me down the line if you're interested.

I'm not going to let them get romantically involved before it's time. Or if you like the guy and she's old enough and she's 18, 20, whatever you think in terms of maturity, and you say, you know what?

I'd love to have you over, but you can't go out with her, but you can take all of us out. You don't just date her, you date all of us.

And so come on over to the home for Thanksgiving. Come on over to the gun range with me and my sawed off .45.

And by the way, all the little kids are sitting around the house going like this. That's going to happen to me one day.

That's going to happen to me. This whole, you know, some guy knocks on the door and your daughter's like, yeah, but nobody likes me and I want to go out.

And you just let some... I'd like to do one of these seminars that's not recorded and videotaped for the whole world, but just kind of between us girls kind of thing, so I'll just try to refrain myself.

I'm not just going to say take my daughter. Now by the way, once you trust the man and you know the man and you know the intentions and here's one of the key points.

If you want to see my daughter with a view towards marriage, you may see her, but if you're just going to have fun, the deal's off.

With a view towards marriage. If you're not ready to be married yet, you're not ready to get involved with my daughter and son, you're not ready to get involved with anybody else.

You don't even have a job yet and you think you want to get married? You're not ready for marriage, romance or anything else, on sex included.

Whenever I pause, it's like, this is going to be a big one right after that. Parents can then help the kids with a major decision.

Isn't it nice to tell your kids, honey, we love you and we've tried to help you with the right doctors to go to, the right education, the right church.

Every decision, we try to help you. We're right there with you and we're not going to just throw you to the curb and let you pick somebody yourself.

I want you to actually love the person but I'm going to help you, your mom and I, we do, we're going to try to come alongside and help you pick the right person.

I bet you your kid's 18 years old if I take them to O 'Connor's. They don't even know what to order. It's apoplexy with all these choices and then they're going to marry the right person?

Early involvement with the parents before the romance happens. And if you're older and you don't have a dad,

I think you should get the elders involved. Why? Because we want to run your life? No. We want to help you.

We want to protect you. We want to be there to serve you. And so the guy says, could

I see your daughter? Yes you may. He begins to know me, I begin to trust him and then I let them go out on a date.

Some people even in our church are so petrified to say the word date. If he says, you know, I'd like to take your daughter out to dinner tonight and then

I'd like to bring her right back home, I'll be back at 1030. And he already knows me and trusts me and I say,

I'll let him go out. Dating within courtship supervised by the father, I see no problem with that. Dating, you knock on the door and want to go to some nightclub together when you first meet her, that of course is out.

One man said, courtship constitutes the process of investigating a person with marriage in mind.

So if you don't have marriage in mind and you're not able to be married, you ought not to court. You ought not to date.

You ought to be busy doing what you should be doing. If you're not able to lead a wife spiritually and serve her in every way including finances, you're not ready to date, you're not ready to court, you're not ready to get married.

If you're not involved in the life of the local church, serving, well you certainly aren't ready to go win a woman.

What do my pastors say? What do my parents say? Why do you want to date her? I thought

Josh Harris has some good questions. Is your relationship centered on God and His glory? Are you growing in friendship, communication, fellowship and romance?

Are you clear on your biblical roles as man and woman? Are other people supportive of your relationship?

Is sexual desire playing too big or too small a part in your decision? Do you want to marry this person?

So if you're single and you'd like to get married, I'd like to see you get married. But if you have a father, you go through the father for what?

For protection. He loves you. He cares for you. And if you're a son, sons should be told by their fathers, here's how you go win a woman.

The right way. If I catch my kids flirting, I'm going to tell them, stop it.

From now on, I'll give you my vow. When I catch your kids flirting at this church, I'm going to put the hammer down. Because it's happening all the time.

Flirting is not right. Flirting, think about Elizabeth Elliott and Jim Elliott. She was almost stunned that she got the marriage proposal because he kept so many things back because he wasn't leading with the obvious.

He was leading with, is this right for the kingdom? Is it right for her? Is it right for the glory of God? And all this flirting just telegraphs early all these kind of things that ought not to be.

I think flirting's good in a marriage. Flirt all you want.

Have a flirt -a -thon. I really don't care. Kids are walking around this church like puppy dogs.

I'm telling you, you watch them. Dads, it's your responsibility. We want to delay romantic feelings until we know it's the right guy or the right girl.

One other thing, and this is going to get me more in trouble than anything else, but I want you to grow.

I don't care about the numbers of the church growing. If your kids are not ready at 18 years old to go 5 miles away and sleep overnight at college or 50 miles or 5 ,000 miles away, then they're not ready.

Too many people go, you know what, my kid's 18, they want to go to college. You know, if your kid's 18, they want to go to college and they're able, praise the

Lord. If they're mature, they're born again, they're serving in a local church and they're ready to go, fine.

But if they're not ready, what are you thinking? And here's where I'm going to get in trouble, especially if you have a daughter.

How can you be the head of the girl when she's 3 ,000 miles away in a co -ed dorm?

And so I'm not saying girls should never go to college. I have the view that I prepare my daughters to go along a career path that can serve other people and when

God's own man comes in to interrupt them, they'll be willing to drop everything to go get married and serve on the mission field or wherever.

People say, girls shouldn't go to college. I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying that if you want to prepare your girls, which includes college, fine, but you be the head of your family because that's what is necessary or you're going to have heartbreak afterwards.

If you're single and you're able to be not distracted with gospel ministry, serve.

The Lord might just bring somebody along for you. If you have a desire for sexual intimacy and you're single, then you have hope in the great

God of this universe. Let's pray. Father, thank you for this day. We just pray for the singles today.

Some are divorced. Some widowed. Some widowers. Some never been married. Some maybe never want to be married.

I pray that you do a great job with the singles here at this church and grant them their heart's desires, either ministry or a spouse.

Father, I pray for the men of this church, the dads, that they would lead. Father, I as a man struggle with laziness and so does every other man because of the fall and what

God commanded, what you commanded in the garden. So, Father, help us not to be lazy when it comes to, as many say and I believe, the most important decision that can ever be made apart from following Christ Jesus.