Forgiving The Sins Of Others

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Welcome to No Compromise Radio, a ministry coming to you from Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston.
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No Compromise Radio is a program dedicated to the ongoing proclamation of Jesus Christ, based on the theme in Galatians 2, verse 5, where the
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Apostle Paul said, but we did not yield in subjection to them for even an hour, so that the truth of the gospel would remain with you.
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In short, if you like smooth, watered down words to make you simply feel good, this show isn't for you.
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By purpose, we are first biblical, but we can also be controversial. Stay tuned for the next 25 minutes as we're called by the divine trumpet to summon the troops for the honor and glory of her
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King. Here's our host, Pastor Mike Abendroth. Welcome to No Compromise Radio, ministry, how do you like that inflection?
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Woe is I. Wouldn't that bug you? Yes, it would. Almost sounds like somebody in one of the higher echelons of political office, and everyone says he's such a great speaker, and I'm thinking, you know what?
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I don't really think so. Yeah, you don't like his, what's the word
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I'm looking for? Cadence. Yeah, cadence is the word I was looking for. That's good. Steve, if people want to write you and ask you a theological question, may they?
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No. Okay, that makes it easy. Well, you know what? Speaking of that, though,
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I had somebody write me, and I don't know who this guy was, and I don't think he ever really gave me his real name, but he was obviously an unbeliever and wanted to challenge me on election.
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And I just thought, okay, well, I sent him one email, and then he, you know, and basically, with just chock full of gospel, and then he wrote back with, you know, just challenging some things that I said, and I'm like, well,
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I told you from the beginning, this isn't going to work. You know, we're not going to do this. So I'm done, you know?
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Well, you emailed me and said, do you know this guy kind of thing? And I didn't think I did until I noticed his snarky reaction.
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And then I thought, oh, I recognize that. Oh, do you? The snarkster. Snarkorama.
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Well, you can tell when people want to know. Yes. And when they just want to fight. I don't have time to fight on Facebook, on Twitter, or via email.
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Not even via email. What do you think I'm reading from, Steve? How blessed is
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God and what a blessing he is. He's the father of our master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him.
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Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love.
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Long, long ago, he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. What pleasure he took in planning this.
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He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift giving by the hand of his beloved son.
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I believe that is the massage. Because it massages the text.
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You were talking about election, and when I think of election, many things pop into my mind, including Ephesians 1, 3 -14, that great praise sentence.
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So anyway, there you have it. You know, Steve, in all the years we've been doing this show, like 1 ,700 shows now.
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Millions of years. And you've just been doing that, you know, one -fifth of the time. But I ask you about your grandkids and all that, and you never ask me about mine.
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You know, it's just a one -way thing. I ask you about your life, and you never say, how are things, what's new?
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That's a good point. I mean, what is going on with your grandkids? Yeah. Well, that I had great pleasure in planning them, as I think about my kids one day that might have them.
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And I have a message moment even for you. Well, your time is coming, you know, Lord willing. If the
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Lord doesn't return first, who knows? Okay. We receive emails from folks, and we like to try to help, because this is a real question from a real listener, and a real -
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If it wasn't, could we do this? Yeah, I know. Print it out. Actually, it's from Amy.
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So Amy, we're thankful that you asked the question. You have several questions. Good. Did you see
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R .C. Sproul? He did a Q &A at St. Andrews, and Sinclair Ferguson was on the platform as well.
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And a guy said, well, I have two questions, basically, and asked us two questions. And it was something about election, or the kenosis, or can
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Jesus sin, or impeccability, impeccability questions. And Sproul looked over at him, and he said, are you
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Jim Schmidlapp? And he's like, no. And he said, because I went to school with Jim Schmidlapp, and he always asked two questions.
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And we call them Jim two -question Schmidlapp. And R .C. went on this whole thing. You didn't know where he was going.
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It's a classic Sproul. It wasn't Schmidlapp, but it was something close. Well, we were talking the other day about guys in seminary who would just, they would raise their hand to ask a question, but then they would give a five -minute soliloquy, and is there a question in that?
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Do you have a question? As you know, Steve, I hated that. I hated it because there's a time to question.
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Like, I'd like to know this, and there's a time that we say to ourselves, I want the class to know.
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And since he's a submissive, he's supposed to be a submissive student, to be taught. Even if he knows more, even if he's more godly, he's the student, and he should be taught.
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You either submit or you authoritate, if that's a word. Yes, but my pride won't let me just sit here and be silent.
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That's what it was. Oh, sorry. That's what it was. So these are the questions from Amy. I'll read all the questions, and then we'll try to answer them.
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We've got another question from Marie as well. Can you do a show on forgiveness? What is forgiveness?
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What isn't it? What should you do when your spouse keeps sinning against you? Should there be consequences from you?
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How do you show forgiveness when the situation keeps happening? I'm not talking about physical abuse, more like betrayal in a certain area.
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Think Pastor Mike's recent book. So what do we do?
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And my guess, since my new book is Sexual Fidelity, by the way, Steve, you can get it on Kindle now.
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How about that for a shameless plug? That is shameless. I was hoping you'd call it High Fidelity because I just, you know.
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That's right. We're called the High Fidelity. Yeah, that's right. Well, that would work too. You can get the book on Amazon or HardBok from the website,
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Hardback. It's not Hardback though, it's Paperback. Yeah, that's a hard copy, excuse me.
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Thank you. That's a hard copy. So let's branch through each of these. Can you do a show on forgiveness?
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Can I do a show? I could do a, you and I were just emailing back and forth about this. Listen, and I was talking on the phone with somebody, let's see, when was it?
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It was yesterday or no, day before yesterday. I am amazed at how quickly
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Christians forget what forgiveness is. It's like, I think, yes, we should all preach the gospel to ourselves and we should remind ourselves daily of what forgiveness is.
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When God says, Psalm 103, that our sins, he removes our sins as far as the east is from the west.
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That's how God forgives. And then I like to go to Ephesians chapter four and the very end of it, verse 32.
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And it says, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.
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And so there's a command there to forgive one another. And then I'm like, okay, are you forgiving like God forgives?
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Because here's what people say, and you've heard this, Mike. They'll say, well, I forgive him, but I'm still mad about it.
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Is that forgiveness? Well, imagine, now let's just apply that to God. God says, Steve, I forgive you, but I'm still mad about it.
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Yeah, forgiveness without restoration of relationship. I was talking to a couple not long ago and they were talking about discipline.
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I said, listen, if you discipline your child, you can't be mad at them afterwards because this is double jeopardy.
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So if you're gonna have an attitude afterwards, no wonder your child is rebelling against your discipline because you give them double.
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It's like, okay, give me triple. You know, I'm in a no win situation. So similarly, if God has forgiven you, by the way, this could also be a show on four point
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Calvinism and how some of this double jeopardy stuff could or could not apply.
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The atonement really doesn't pay you. So there's, after there's forgiveness, there's a restoration of the relationship.
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And if you say, I forgive you, then maybe you don't feel like you're restored. Maybe you don't feel like everything's back to normal, but you should treat the other person as if it were, as if it never happened.
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Right, because I think you say something along these lines. Guess what? Feelings follow actions.
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You know, if you, if you behave in such a way long enough, well, then your feelings will model that.
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You don't believe me and you're probably sitting there thinking, well, that's not right. Do this, you know, I hear husbands say, well,
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I don't love my wife, and by which they mean emotion. So start serving your wife, start doing stuff for your wife.
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And guess what? If you do that, make a concerted effort to serve your wife, I can guarantee you within a short period of time, you will have emotional feelings for your wife.
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It's really weird how that works. Steve, don't we too often fall into the trap of thinking, well, you know, the 10 commandments, and you know,
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I didn't really commit a sin against God regarding any of those. But if we say to ourselves, there's an active side of loving
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God, honoring God. Aren't the two greatest commandments, love God and love your neighbor. And when you're not doing those things, then you're sinning.
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And so how many sins do I commit a day, even as a Christian? You know, it's not in single digits,
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I can tell you that, right? Because I'm not actively loving like I should be. Bust out the calculator. Right, so let's just say it could be 100.
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I think there's more, but let's just use that number, 100. So multiply by how many days of the year?
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What is that? 365? Well, except for this year, 366.
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Oh, that's true. Then you multiply that by how many, you know, years you've lived, and it gets to be pretty big.
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So you say to yourself, God forgave me for all those, but I have a wife that nags and I can't forgive her.
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I have a husband who slips back. He doesn't like pornography, but he did it again.
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That's what my guess is, is probably is. And even though there are issues regarding this, and I think it's,
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I said the other day in a radio interview, it's shameful for a husband to look at pornography, shame.
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It's forgivable sin, of course, but it's shameful. But I also said, it's also a shame for a wife not to forgive a husband when he looks at pornography.
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Is that true? Yeah, that's very true. Now, I thankfully don't look at pornography. And so I'm not trying to say, well, you know,
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I'm trying to just get off the hook scot -free and try to defend men and all that stuff. I think, you know, men really,
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I think they just brush this under the table. Oh, you know, we're visual and we like to do this, that, or the other. No, there's another show for the horrors of pornography.
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But if someone sins against you, I mean, what does Luke 17 say? Pay attention to yourselves.
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If your brother sins, rebuke him. And if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in the day and turns to you seven times saying,
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I repent, you must forgive him. See, isn't it interesting that Jesus says, pay attention to yourselves.
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Now he could have said, pay attention to that other person. But when somebody sins against you, you're going to be tempted not to forgive them.
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And you say, yes, but if he repents, how do I know that? Well, then he goes on to say, if he only says,
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I repent. And we want repentance to be external so we can see it. But what if, could it be that the spirit of God is working on the person's heart?
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What about that? Yeah, I mean, it's like we're not going to be satisfied unless we get our pound of flesh or unless we see them publicly flogged.
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You know, we want some kind of suffering, physical suffering to be extracted from them and that's not it.
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You know, even when you were talking about 10 commandments and kind of comparing ourselves, I just think, you know, sometimes people think what my spouse is doing is worse than what
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I've done. And it really reminds me of the Pharisee, you know, who says,
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I thank you that I'm not like God, I thank you that I'm not like these other people. You know, I thank you that I'm not like my wife.
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You know, she's a nag and she's this and she's that. And I'm, you know, I struggle in a couple of things, but they're really not that bad.
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Steve, it makes it difficult when we're married, we have kids, it's a family unit, they're underneath one household, you know, roof.
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And, you know, you and I, when we work together, if one of us sins against each other, it's not like we have to face it, you know, every single moment of every single day.
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And we know how to act in front of one another and try to do the right thing. And all of a sudden you're at home and you think,
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I sin against these people more than anybody else. And when I'm sinned against, how do
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I act? Then we have to go back to scripture, just like you said in Ephesians chapter four, how does
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God forgive us? Well, and I mean, I have dealt with this over and over again, you know, not just with myself, but with other people.
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And I'm like, people say, I mean, they will say, oh, I've forgiven him. Oh, I've forgiven her. I'm not angry anymore.
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And I'm like, okay, but that's not really it because until you're willing to just put it behind you and be done with it and almost get angry with yourself when it comes to your mind again, you have not forgiven them.
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I'm trying to think of something else besides this particular illustration or topic.
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Steve, I don't know about you, but at 55 years old, I still struggle with looking at ladies.
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Now I don't say I always give in, but I'm not saying I'm always perfect. I'm telling you, I struggle.
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And when I see a lady, I force myself, this is what I try to do.
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I'm forcing myself to make sure I look at her eyes and I don't let my eyes wander.
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I still struggle with that very issue. And I think people, unless they have the gift of celibacy or they're,
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I don't know, self -imposed eunuchs or something like that. I mean, one of the reasons I wrote the book because I wanted to try to help my son and it was helping me as well, how to think pure thoughts, how to do the right thing.
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That's still a struggle. So what if my wife said, honey, you've been struggling with this. I mean, it's one thing if I'm just gawking at ladies and doing things inappropriately, but I'm telling you, if I said to my wife, well, you know, honey,
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I still struggle after 26 years of being a Christian and married to you with making sure I think right thoughts about other ladies.
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Well, you know what? You've been struggling with that sin over and over and over. You haven't dealt with it. You said you were sorry and you never are because you keep doing it.
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Yeah, I mean, would we, again, it just gets back to this basic principle.
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Would we like God to use the same sort of standard that we have and apply it to us?
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I mean, who could stand before God on judgment day applying that same standard?
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You'd be done, you'd be smoked. Well, what I don't want to do as a husband then in light of what you just said,
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Steve, is then say to my wife, well, you know, honey, complain, gossip.
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I don't know what particular sins are for ladies. Oh, let's use an easy one, not submitting like you're supposed to in everything.
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And you say you're sorry, you know, you say you repent, but you never really have because it's come up again.
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It's come up for the last 26 years, so we're done. I mean, it's like, okay.
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How does Christ's redeeming work of our past, present, and future sins factor in to how we forgive other people,
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Steve? Well, how odd it fit in, you know? I mean, if you just think rightly, again,
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I just think this goes back to what we were talking about on another show. If you think of yourself as the worst of all sinners, if you preach yourself the gospel and you just recount all the sins that God has forgiven you in Christ, you know, because the perfect work of the
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Lord Jesus Christ, if you think about that, then you just think, I have no right to be angry with anybody. I can be disappointed,
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I can think this or that, but I can't be mad because, but for the grace of God, I would have to pay for all my sins, you know?
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And so I need to be a good forgiver. I probably will not forgive on the same level as, well,
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I know I won't as God does, but that's what I need to strive for. People want to improve their lives and everything else.
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And I'm like, hey, I'll tell you what, you want to improve your life, become a better forgiver. And isn't this good news as well?
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And we might not think about it very often, but it is absolutely true. For the Christian, for those who are redeemed by the blood of the
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Lamb, Christ's substitutionary death was great enough to forgive you for all your lack of forgiveness.
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Preach. I know. I'm like, even a lack of forgiveness is a sin that God can cleanse us from and does because of the work of Christ.
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To be a better forgiver. You know what, Steve? I'm getting convicted even now because I wonder if I've ever prayed,
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God, do you think I could be a better forgiver when people offend me and sin against me?
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It's a greater sin against you and I'm concerned about how it affects me. Lord, I'd like to be a better forgiver, quick to forgive.
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I think it says, according to Solomon, it's a glory to cover transgressions. Yes, it does say that.
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And why would that be? Because the alternative is, you know, basically to keep them on display, right?
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If you're not covering them up, what are you doing? And some say, well, how could I ever forget that?
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Well, that's true, but you don't actively remember. In other words, I even think it's back in that old
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J. Adams book. You don't bring it up to them again. Once you say, I forgive you, you never bring up, well, remember, you've been doing this all along.
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No, if they do it again, then you just bring up that particular new sin and you don't bring it up to other people.
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You don't even bring it up to your pastors in a pastoral counseling setting. And you know what, Steve? I want to launch on that for a second.
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It is a, talk about shame. Maybe the shame will drive us back again to the cross, hopefully. It is a shame to bring up a sin that you've already, of your spouse or somebody you're in a relationship with, you know, premarital something.
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They've already said to you, please forgive me. And you say, I forgive you. And then you tell the pastor about it in counseling.
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I don't want to hear that. That's not, that's, that just wipes away everything. Well, my husband doesn't do this.
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My husband doesn't do that. Well, did you ask her for forgiveness for when you did that, you know, 6 .42
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years ago? Yes, well, then why are you bringing it up now? Or vice versa? I mean, men can do it as well.
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I'm telling you, and I've said this before in multiple settings, this is the number one problem in churches and in homes,
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I believe, is people's lack of understanding of forgiveness. And I think it comes down to these two things, not really thinking through the gospel and not really thinking through the cost of their own sin, you know, the impact of their own sins.
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Steve, what we're not saying in this show, because we're talking about the one side with forgiveness, we're not saying, oh, you know what?
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Somebody is enslaved to a sin. And since you can't seem to get yourself out of this pornography enslavement, next time
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I catch you looking at pornography, I'm gonna have to go get somebody else. I'm gonna have to go get the pastor.
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And we're gonna have to, I want you to deal with it. Not because it's hurting me, but it's hurting the family, it's hurting the name of the
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Lord. If you're gonna keep struggling, you know, I love you, I forgive you, but the next time I see that on the
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URL, I'm gonna call the pastor. Well, and it's hurting the person, the sinner, you know?
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So that's not what we're addressing here, because I've even said to ladies before, Matthew five through seven talks about radical amputation of sin, take drastic measures.
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Where are the people? I finally got an email from one guy, but where are the people that'll say, I'll go away from a smartphone, and I won't have access to the computer without my wife giving me the code, because I just can't trust myself when it comes to pornography.
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Those people are few and far between. I think for wives who take a sledgehammer to their husband's computer,
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I think that's probably some righteous indignation, and I wouldn't say, you know what, you're gonna be disciplined for that. I wonder how many computers are gonna be destroyed now.
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Uh -huh, yeah, and if the husband said, well, you know what, that was a hundred dollar, you know, computer, or a $3 ,000
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MacBook Pro. But Pastor Mike said. That's right. I wouldn't blame the ladies if they did.
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If I got caught on pornography and Kim took a sledgehammer to it, what am I gonna say? That reminds me of those cop shows where the people have their drugs stolen and they call the police.
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That's like, what, what is that? That ever happen to you, by the way, as a police officer?
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Not that particular one, but I mean, you know, we used to say all the time, they're not, you know, they're not pursuing post -graduate degrees, you know,
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I mean, this is not, these guys aren't rocket scientists. Well, now the first thing that police officers have to do in many states is to say, well, yeah, yeah,
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I know you have a suitcase full of marijuana, but do you have, like, the legal card to carry it? Yeah, do you have a permit for that?
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Uh -huh, medicinal use. Yeah, dopey. I bet. What are we gonna do now with a country that's got all that going on?
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But back on topic for the last few minutes, forgiveness, is there anything that you could do for another person that would more resemble the character and work of God?
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No. I mean, talk about acting in a godly fashion. How does God act and how do we need to act?
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Well, I mean, think from the beginning, what has God done? Covered sin, right?
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Isn't that what he did with Adam and Eve? He covered their nakedness. This is, and actually took the skin from the animals to do that, but I mean, this is the nature of God.
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He is long -suffering, he is patient, he is all these things, and he even provides the means for our salvation.
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But when it comes to us, boy, we just like, no way. I'm not gonna forgive that.
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I'm not gonna forget it. I'm not gonna bury it. I'm not gonna be done with it. I want revenge.
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Yeah, yeah, because you did this against me. It's definitely a pride thing. Steve, if you were gonna coach people on how to ask for forgiveness, what would you say?
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You know, if I've offended you in any way, shape, or form. What's it called? A non -apology apology.
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Sorry I did that, you know, I apologize. You know, I had a headache. If you were offended.
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Uh -huh. Yeah, sorry. You shouldn't have been offended. I think, you know, for me anyway,
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I think step one is, it comes before you even go to the other person.
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You have to examine yourself and be convinced in your own mind that you did something wrong, that you are a sinner, you know, that you are an error.
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Because otherwise, what comes next is gonna be fake. I mean, so I think that's step one.
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But step two, you have to go to the other person, and you have to ask their forgiveness and say, I know
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I've sinned against you. I know this is what I did, and I know it's wrong. Would you please forgive me?
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I've, you know, you could even say, you know, the Davidic formula, I've sinned against you and God.
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You know? I have said to Kim on more than one occasion, definitely, honey, I've asked the
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Lord to forgive me. And I was just wondering if you, you know, had it in your heart, or you'd be willing to forgive me because I've sinned against you.
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Would you please forgive me? That's right. And so I, and I think that's the key, but I think when the other person says yes, then there needs to be some restoration.
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There can't be this ongoing silence in the home or struggle or strain, because that means forgiveness is not actually taking place.
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Yeah, double jeopardy. Well, my name is Mike Ebendroth. Thanks, Steve, for being in the studio again. You can write us at info and nocompromiseradio .com.
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Good question from our listener. We'll see you next time. No Compromise Radio with Pastor Mike Ebendroth is a production of Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston.
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