Ephesians 4:32 Be Kindheartedly Forgiving One Another

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.com The front of your bulletin or program says that be kind -heartedly forgiving one another.

I suppose those thoughts were in my mind given that it says December 28th, which means probably in the past week you spent some time with family, which doesn't mean that you absolutely have to be forgiving people, but it may be a timely word in view of some of those things.

Perhaps it's the difficulty of family life in which you live or maybe normal things and just everyday occurrences for forgiveness.

Or maybe you had a rather dramatic moment like the woman that I saw this morning. I was taking a final walk down Stadium to sort of getting my thoughts together and there's a car coming toward me about 200 yards away and it was rumbling rather strangely and so I sort of caught my attention.

I watched it and suddenly the passenger wheel came off of the car and started rolling dramatically down the road and then it starts sparking all over the place because the brakes are going everywhere.

And so I went, what am I supposed to do in this very moment? You know, my heroic aspirations work up within me, you know, but mostly

I just reached for my cell phone and I watched the lady just absolutely calmly settle the car and pull it perfectly into a parking lot, which ironically happened to be a car seller parking lot right there.

I thought that was a good move on her part. And then as I thought about that just a little bit later, I said, what am

I supposed to do? And I saw that she had her cell phone, so I put my cell phone back in my pocket and then I said, I wonder how that conversation goes on the other end.

I said, I should probably invite her to church because inevitably she's either going to be asking for forgiveness for what just happened while she's driving the car or she's going to have to ask for forgiveness for the things she's about to say for the person on the other end of the line there.

So whether it's daily routine or dramatic events, here we find ourselves in what

I think will be a timely occasion to think about forgiving one another and ultimately not through the lens of just moralism, although there is a good place for these things, but ultimately through what

Jesus has done for us that then empowers and opens up the way for us to become forgiving people.

So that's where we'll be. I'm gonna pray just briefly and we'll continue on with singing together.

Father, thank you again as Don has said that we gather together in a company that has gathered all over the world today to think that people have prayed and are praying now and that all of our prayers come to you because Jesus is the one who makes it possible and accessible.

And so we come humbled by these things, amazed by them, and we look forward to now singing praises to you, praying together, hearing from you through the scriptures, and even encouraging and ministering to one another in the everyday conversations of life.

And so we pray for your help in all these things in Jesus name. Amen. Sorry about that.

I invite you to open your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 4 verse 32. I'll read this one verse for us. Ephesians 4 verse 32.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.

Amen. Well, we come today to a study in what are called the one another's of the

New Testament. This little phrase one another is really just a shorthanded description for the way that Christian relationships are to work.

So if you've read the New Testament all you'll be familiar with little phrases like love one another, comfort one another, serve one another, or the one that every 14 year old young man finds really intriguing, greet one another with a holy kiss.

It was just the ancient way in which you said affectionately hello to someone.

I suppose if you wanted the modern -day equivalent, it would be it would be the fist bump or the occasional man hug that takes place.

But more than just, oh nice to meet you, it's you are important to me. Greet one another with a holy kiss.

Today though, of course, we come to one of the weightier one another's in the New Testament, and that is that we are to forgive one another.

I think it's fair to say that we all struggle with forgiving others and also with our need to be forgiven.

Because on any given day, we are either hurt or we are or we do the hurting by the things that we do.

We don't do the things that we say or the occasions that we miss to say the right thing.

Comes with the territory of really being so terribly turned in upon ourselves by sin and living in a sometimes brutal and an always broken world.

Of course, if you watch any sort of television or read any newspapers or magazines or blogs, often the conventional wisdom that you hear when it comes to forgiveness is, of course, is to say, well just forgive and forget or move on and bury the incident.

But the wisdom of God actually helps us understand that forgiveness is, it's actually far more costly and complicated than just that.

And the Bible actually gives us hope that forgiveness is possible even in the darkest of circumstances. Because one of the bright truths that runs through the storyline of the

Bible is that God himself is a forgiving God. And if we will receive his forgiveness that he offers us through the atoning work of his son

Jesus, we'll actually be transformed by the experience of divine forgiveness and increasingly become forgiving toward other people.

The change is actually quite powerful. When I think about forgiveness, I go, it's almost otherworldly because what is the most unnatural thing to do when someone does you wrong?

Forgive them. But when God gets a hold of your heart and begins to do these things, it changes everything for you.

I love the way that there's one pastor who put it, he said this, that forgiveness means for the Christian that not all relationships will be blown up.

Forgiveness means for the Christian that not all relationships will be blown up. So, of course, an exhaustive study of this topic is beyond the scope of our time this morning.

So let me just say at the front end that I acknowledge that I haven't addressed some things. I'm sure that I've inadvertently left some things that I should have addressed, but I'm okay with that too because I think it's actually most helpful for us to have one -to -one conversations, and I don't mean just me because I'm leaving, but probably all with Don, no not with Don, but with each other, to help, to think, to go, well, let me get real life with you and ask you about this right here.

So in the time that we have today, we'll just think about forgiveness in two ways, one, understanding forgiveness, two, experiencing forgiveness.

Understanding and experiencing forgiveness. And our verse in Ephesians 4, 32, it really gives us just the main thought of our whole time together, if you like, the summary statement.

Be kind -heartedly forgiving one another. Now there's a great story that Jesus told that's recorded for us in Matthew's Gospel, chapter 18.

I want to invite you to turn there, and we won't bounce around all over the place this morning. This is the only other passage that we'll look at, but I think it's tremendously helpful as it illustrates well the dynamics of forgiveness.

So I'll just read a few verses for us. It's Matthew chapter 18, verse 21 is where we'll start through the remainder of the chapter.

Jesus is telling the story, the subject matter, forgiveness. Then Peter came up and said to Jesus, Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?

As many as seven times? Jesus said to him, I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants.

When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold with his wife and children, and all that he had in payment to be made.

So the servant fell on his knees imploring him, have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.

And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him saying, pay what you owe.

So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, have patience with me, and I will pay you.

He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt.

When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had happened.

Then his master summoned him and said to him, you wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.

And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant as I had mercy on you?

And in anger, his master delivered him to the jailers until he should pay all his debt.

So also my Heavenly Father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.

Amen. Well, I'm guessing in your Bible, just before verse 21, you have this header, the the parable of the unforgiving or unmerciful servant.

And it immediately helps us get our bearings as readers here that we're coming into a parable. A parable as it's utilized in the

Bible is just a short story that's easy enough for everybody to understand, but it always has a punchy little surprise in it that helps us grasp the listener how life works in relationship to God and his ways.

And so Jesus being the master teacher, he loves to use parables. He would use do so to make the murky more clear.

And in this instance helping us understand what forgiveness means and necessitates. And so you'll notice in verse 21 that an earnest question on the subject of forgiveness comes from Peter, who's one of Jesus's closest followers.

Lord, how often will my brother sin against me and I forgive him?

And before Jesus even has the opportunity to respond, Peter sort of classically answers the question for himself as many as seven times.

You see with within Judaism, to forgive someone three times was considered to be indicative of a forgiving heart.

So when Peter goes, hey Jesus, how about seven times? He thinks he's being quite generous and and he is.

So if the question is earnest, then the answer had to be completely unexpected.

Because Jesus's response of not just forgiving seven times, but 77 times was shocking.

Meaning that all who will follow after him are to forgive without keeping tally.

I just imagine Peter in my mind's eye sort of staring back at Jesus with his mouth slightly open in shock and surprise.

So Jesus says, Peter, let me tell you a story. A story to help you understand why this type of radical accounting is necessary when it comes to forgiveness.

It's a story about a king and a servant who owes a great debt to this king.

And so immediately we're, we're thrust back here some 2 ,000 years ago into a culture of kings and servants.

And in this story, the king represents God, the maker of all things and all people.

And the first servant that is described here could be associated with any one of us.

And you'll notice that this servant has a grave problem. He owes a massive debt to his master, the king.

You see it in verse 24. He owes some 10 ,000 talents. A talent just being the currency of their day.

It's like our dollar bills. Some scholars reckon the amount of debt being in the billions of dollars.

When I thought about it, I found myself thinking about the money required to pay back this type of debt as the kind that you would find in, you know, the shiny metallic briefcases.

The ones with the combination locks on the front. If you, if you open it up inside, then it's, it's stacked with 100, $100 bills just finely lined up all the way across there.

But not just one case to pay back the debt. Many, many are needed.

And the point isn't for us to get distracted going, oh dear, how can he be such a poor steward and get us such a large amount of debt built up here?

Because it's a story. It's a story with a purpose. Rather this.

We're supposed to share in the anguish of the first servant. He owes a debt that he can never ever pay back himself.

And so the king, he determines that the servant and his family will be sold in order that the payment might be made.

I wonder if that sounds as strange in your, in your ears as it does in mine, but not to Peter's attentive ears.

Being sold like this certainly wasn't a pleasant experience. But it was common practice in the ancient world as punishment for those whose debts couldn't be repaid.

And just before the servant is ushered away, he pleads the only case that he can. No excuses, no blame shifting, falling to his knees, he asks for more time to pay back the debt.

Which is actually a truly preposterous request. Because the debt that the servant owed was impossible to pay off given the potential earning power over his lifetime of employment.

And so the king, he takes in the emotional scene before him, and he does what only he has the power to do.

Moved out of pity or feeling compassion for the man. Verse 27, the master of the servant released him and forgave him the debt.

And at this point, you kind of expect the story to come to a conclusion. Because you go, well, that's, that's remarkable.

But the punchiness of it all is yet to come. Because as the story unfolds, this first servant, he, he leaves the presence of the king, and he runs into another servant who owes him a debt.

It wasn't a large debt, not insignificant, but perhaps a few thousand dollars.

So if the required funds to pay the debt of the first servant was multiple metallic briefcases, then visually, at least for myself,

I said, well, I would guess that the second servant would need a decent -sized leather wallet full of Benjamins to make his payment.

And naturally, we would go, well, I would expect that this first fella would use a measure of compassion and pity based on what he's just received.

But instead, he seizes, he chokes, he bellows into the ear of the second servant, pay what you owe.

And notice carefully the reaction of the second servant as Jesus tells the story. He falls to his knees, pleading for patience and time to pay back the debt.

It's nearly identical phraseology from the conversation between the king and the first servant. And then two outrageous words describe what happened next.

Verse 30, he refused having the second servant put in prison.

Well, news travels fast. Even without Twitter, it moved all over the kingdom. Verse 31, word gets back to the king about the deplorable actions of this first servant.

And the man is called back into the master, and he's, did you notice what took place? He's no longer identified as the first servant.

He's now glossed with the title, you wicked servant. And the now outraged

King reminds the wicked servant of the compassion that he's just shown, and he asked the rhetorical question, should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant as I had mercy on you?

And before there is time for a response, the wicked servant is taken off to the jail cell.

And then Jesus pauses, and he steps out of storytelling mode for just a moment to make sure that Peter's getting it.

And he says, Peter, pay very careful attention to what I'm saying here. In the same way that that wicked servant got hauled off to jail, verse 35, so also my

Heavenly Father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.

Remember, this is a story about what the kingdom of heaven is like, how things work in relationship to God.

So here's the punchy surprise of the parable that we've been alluding to. How absurd for one forgiven so much to refuse to forgive so little.

Meaning that if we have experienced God's forgiveness in our lives, we will in turn be compelled to be people who forgive.

So if that's the case, three simple thoughts as we consider our first point, understanding forgiveness.

Don't be alarmed. This doesn't mean this will be a 60 -minute sermon. Number one, understanding forgiveness.

First of all, we see this. Forgiveness is a decision to mercifully cancel a debt.

Forgiveness is a decision to mercifully cancel a debt. It's exactly what happens in the parable.

In the parable, the king makes the debt of the first servant go away by absorbing the cost of it into himself.

He looks at the Excel sheet, which documents the deep debt of the first servant, and he tears it up, or he digitally pushes delete, and it's gone, and then and only then is the record made right because someone always pays the debt in order for there to be forgiveness.

Now think about the last time that someone wounded or wronged you. What happened to you inside?

Well, the same thing that happens to me inside. You experience this strong notion wanting to make the other person pay for what they've done.

And so maybe you did try to make them pay by by blowing up at them, or by putting emotional distance between the two of you, or maybe you're one of those sulker types.

You just sat on the side bitterly hoping something bad would happen to them. You're making them pay, or so it seems like you are, and you think this will settle the score between the two of you, but it doesn't.

Because when you refuse to forgive, your heart will grow bitter, and your anger will exhaust you.

That's why the notion of just forgiving and forgetting about the incident doesn't work.

Because a debt must be paid in order for restoration to begin. And see here, of course, that in this parable that forgiveness is just totally undeserved.

The king, he's compelled to forgive. He's compelled to respond out of compassion and pity toward a servant, but certainly not in response to what the servant has done or has to offer.

Forgiveness isn't something that's earned or deserved. If you earned it, you're just getting what you deserve, and that's not forgiveness.

That's justice. Forgiveness looks sin in the face, calls it sin, and then says, it's over between you and me.

That's giving mercy, not justice. Which then has to mean that forgiveness is limitless.

You can never reach a point in the relationship where you now say, well, that's too much. She can no longer be forgiven for the things that she's done here.

If she deserved to be forgiven, it wouldn't be, it wouldn't be forgiveness in the first place. Well, let me give just a word of a brief biblical balance here.

This doesn't mean that there are to be no consequences for the other person's, person's action. In some cases, that person may face the full force of our legal system for the things that they've done.

It doesn't mean that you have to treat the offender exactly as if the offense had never taken place. This is about what happens in your own heart toward the other individual, how you respond, and amazingly so, when you cancel the debt between the two of you, you're the one who actually begins to be freed.

And that's the first lesson for us in understanding forgiveness. It's a decision to mercifully cancel a debt.

Secondly, in understanding forgiveness. Forgiveness is an event and a process.

This is what Jesus was getting at when he answered Peter's question. You don't just forgive once, three times, seven times, or 77 times.

The point isn't to keep track, Peter, but rather to never give up forgiving.

So, there's, there's something instantaneous that happens when the debt is canceled.

It's, it's gone, never to return. But when the debt owed has emotional or relational ties to it, we often find ourselves tethered to the hurt of that incident or of those words as time continues to go by.

You get this, don't you? I have a friend who is a missionary in a country outside of the

U .S., and one night there were men who broke into his house, and who were antagonistic toward Jesus and the work this missionary fellow was doing, and they, they beat him severely, and he, understandably so, he was, he was wounded physically and emotionally, and within a short time of that incident, he was talking with one of my other friends, and my friend said, man, how are you doing?

And the missionary said, you know, with, with God's help, I've, I've been able to forgive these guys and, and move forward.

And I would imagine at that point in the conversation that both men just paused and, and thanked God that he could even say such a thing.

But then my, my one friend, he, he kindly but directly said to him, he said, brother, the truth of the matter is that you've probably just begun the process of forgiving, and it wasn't long before the words of my wise friend proved to be true.

Because the injustice of that beating, and that night came back to the mind of the missionary over and over, even though he had granted forgiveness.

It became a process to continue to say, no, these things have already been dealt with, even though it's creeping in for what, for me wanting to, to raise it all up again,

I'm choosing to forgive over, and over, and over again. That experience was too impactful for it to just be a one and done.

And what was true for him is similarly true for you and for me.

Because you set out to forgive someone, and then one day you're, you're drawn back into the herd of that incident all over again.

Maybe because it's now one, twelve months later on the calendar. Or there's a passing scent in the air that suddenly snaps you back to a situation, and suddenly this anger, and this resentment, and this self -pity, it works up within you afresh all again, as if it were the very first time.

And if you don't understand that forgiveness is both an event and a process, there's great discouragement and guilt that can set in.

So listen to the counsel of Tim Lane. He says this, but if you see that forgiveness is both an event and a process, discouragement and guilt are minimized.

You know you have forgiven, even though you are also aware of your temptation to make that person pay for the offense again.

This awareness keeps you vigilant against the sin in your own heart. It leads you to God for his cleansing and strength when you struggle with your attitude toward the other person.

Forgiveness isn't usually instantaneous, and it's often granted before it's felt.

Which is why it's important to see that it's both an event and a process.

Which now takes us to our third point in understanding forgiveness, and that's this. That not forgiving has eternal implications.

Not forgiving has eternal implications. Look back again. The closing words of Jesus in the parable, verse 34 and 5.

And in his anger, his master delivered him, the wicked servant, to the jailers until he should pay all his debt.

So also my Heavenly Father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.

In other words, there's a frightful fate for those who refuse to forgive, which is what the wicked servant discovered.

If you and I aren't being transformed into forgiving people, it reveals the startling reality of our similarities to the first servant.

Listen to the words of Julia Marsden. She says this, Forgiving people is not an optional extra in the

Christian life. It's like a litmus test of being a Christian. It's not what we do to earn

God's forgiveness, but forgiving those who wrong us is a sign of the genuineness of our new life in Christ.

You see, the parable that's told here is being told for Peter, but it's being told for you, and it's being told for me, and for me.

In order that we might grasp how great is the debt that we owe to God our Creator. The debt owed by the first servant represents how much that we have sinned against God.

The countless times we have acted in rebellion toward Him, and that costs us. Or the occasions that we've stolen glory from Him, saying look what

I've done when actually He's the one who's empowered you to do such a thing. Or even more than this is the soul debt that we're born into.

I recognize that maybe you're here today, and you're thinking through the claims of Christianity. And this will be one of the big ones for you to process because you go, come on,

I'm actually a pretty nice guy, especially in comparison to the people that I read about in the news. And so you're thinking to yourself, well, these are strange things that you're saying.

I don't, I don't owe a debt. Well, just because you don't know something to be true, doesn't mean that it isn't true.

A short while ago, I was at one of my son's soccer practice, and one of the other coaches was having the guys do these dribbling drills.

So all these little eight -year -old fellows are all lined up here, barely paying attention. I'm a coach, so I can relate.

And so they would have these, do these dribbling drills. And so the coach would say, if you're wearing green socks, go.

And all the little fellows would dribble down the field, and then they dribble back. If you're wearing blah blah, and they do the thing back and forth.

And at one point the coach says, if your family has a minivan, go. And I'm initially amused, because 90 % of the boys are going.

It's one of those like, young family stages of life, everyone drives a minivan sort of thing. And so I'm watching it all happen, and then

I noticed that my son is in the 10 % who didn't go. Me knowing full well that our seven -passenger minivan sits in the parking lot.

And so I go, oh dear, what am I supposed to do now? And not knowing what to do, I just sort of stood there and paused.

And then I heard my son lean over to another player and say, oh our van isn't mini, it's just regular sized.

Just because you don't realize something to be true, doesn't mean that it isn't true.

You know all about your mortgage debt, your credit card debt, your Christmas present purchasing debt.

But all of that is chump change in comparison to the debt of your sin. It's actually one of the devilish consequences of sin, is that it blinds us to what is true about life.

That you're burdened by a great debt, and it's crushing you. Which incidentally is why you're so hurt by petty comments that people say, and you have such a difficult time forgiving people.

So what do you do? What do you do when suddenly you go, I think I actually have a problem here.

And for the first time in my life, God is giving me eyes to see these things. Where's the hope?

What do you do? Well, think back to where we started. It's Ephesians 4 32. Tells us what to do, and tells us why it's possible.

Be kind to one another, tender -hearted, forgiving one another. As God and Christ forgave you.

The first step that you take toward experiencing forgiveness begins when you see that you owe a debt that you cannot pay, but that Jesus Christ has dealt with it on your behalf.

And when this happens, it's a lightning ball, lightning ball moment, because you will begin to experience forgiveness.

So we've got Jesus telling this, this powerful story about canceling debts.

And if we had more time, what we must see is that eventually Jesus himself enters into the greater story that's being told in Matthew's gospel, and all throughout the

Bible. Because this parable in Matthew 18 needs the remainder of Matthew's gospel for help us to answer, for in order to help us answer a question.

Because the question that you have to be thinking about as you think about the king who cancels the debt, you go, where's the justice?

No one just forgives the debt of that of that size and moves on as if nothing happened between the two of us. We've just made the observation together that to forgive and forget doesn't work.

So where's the justice? And the answer to that question points us forward to Jesus's death on the cross.

Because the truth of the matter is that God doesn't, quote, just forgive. Because when we rebel and sin against him, he doesn't ignore that, or nor does he minimize it.

But the good news of Christianity is that he doesn't make us pay it. Because Jesus Christ, God's one and only son, the treasure of heaven, pays the debt for us.

Those two words that he cries out from the cross, Father, forgive, are not meant for his own, but they're meant for you. They're meant for me.

Father, forgive them for their debt of sin, for their spiritual bankruptcy. Father, look upon them and see the riches of me.

So it is that on the cross that Jesus pays a debt and is spent so that we can be free.

Sin is not paid for by us, but it is paid for. And if you will trust in what

Jesus has done for yourself, then a beautiful thing happens in your life.

God removes your sin from his sight, choosing to remember it no more.

And instead, his gaze falls upon something else. Actually, it falls upon someone else.

It falls upon his son, Jesus. The one who the apostle Paul says that though he was rich, yet for your sake became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich.

Rich, actually, not in your wallet, but rich in your soul with his grace and forgiveness.

And freeing you from your enslavement and debt. And if you will believe these things for yourself, if you will continue to believe,

God will transform your life from the inside out. And you know how you'll know that it's happening?

He will suddenly begin to grow within you a kind and tender heart that's compelled to forgive others.

It doesn't mean that your heart is impenetrable to the words and wounds of others, but rather that you actually have some place to go with the hurt.

You go to Jesus because he knows all about what it is to be wronged. And he'll give you grace and mercy in your heartache.

You'll go to Jesus because he is the one who will one day make it all right.

As Christina Hoover says, forgiveness means we leave the baggage of hurt with Jesus and walk away knowing he will capably deal with the offender.

Whether they ask for forgiveness or not, whether they acknowledge the hurt or not, whether they even know they hurt us or not, we leave it.

We do it because we have been forgiven. We do it because if we hold on to it, then we become the offender in God's eyes.

Which is a frightful place to find ourselves. So, each time that the

Christian is in conflict and becomes interpersonally indebted to another, it's a reminder for her of the debt of— it's a reminder—it's to be a reminder for her of the debt that she once owed to God but has been paid for by Jesus.

Sometimes we say God overrules even our life for good, one of the classic wonderful circumstances in which we see it unfold.

And that reality will actually help her, humble her, and allow her to respond far more mercifully to those who do her wrong because in them she actually sees herself in relationship to God and instead of her now looking down her nose upon them, it humbles her as she looks up and sees who

Jesus is once again and what he's done for her. So two questions.

Question number one, who do you need to forgive? Or question number two, who do you need to pursue and seek forgiveness from?

Is it your turn today to say, I'm sorry, I was wrong. Please forgive me.

Or is it your turn to begin the restoration process and say, yes,

I forgive you. Because actually to say either statement is an indication that God is transforming your life and that you have experienced the forgiveness that Jesus alone can grant.

And then of course the discovery that relationships are never beyond hope.

Because for the Christian, relationships must never be blown up. Hope lies there for us because of Jesus and what he's done for us.

Let's pray. Father, we thank you for the Lord Jesus Christ who knew all these things, who bore our sins in order that we might encounter forgiveness full and free when we trust in him in these ways.

And we thank you that he even gave us those those wonderful words of instruction and prayer. Lord, please forgive us our debts.

Please forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. And so we pray that you help us today particularly as we now come and we share in this meal of communion together.

A reminder of a broken body and blood spilled in order that forgiveness might be ours. It was costly to him.

It comes freely to us. So please change our hearts by these truths we ask in Jesus name. Amen.