A Good Woman Doesn't Want Her Husbands Help with The Dishes

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Alright, Tim, the question for today's episode is, does a good woman want her husband's help with the dishes?

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Absolutely not. Tim is always ready with the...

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Here's what I've noticed, Tim, is you like to answer short answers for questions that most people would expect a very long -winded response to.

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Right, and then I do the opposite. I answer long -winded ones on people... Is that a fair to say?

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It seems like that's the pattern here. That's a fair observation to make.

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I mean, it could be. I can neither confirm nor deny this. Well, I just say that because I think this is one of those questions.

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Number one, obviously most people aren't going to ask anyway, but then number two, it's like if you force someone to answer this question, then there would be a lot of, well, apologizing, qualifying, whatnot, and then you're just like, no, no.

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So why no? Why no? I mean, alright. So I think what people...

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People can't handle certain questions like this, so they really have a hard time answering questions like this because you're living in a culture of society right now that basically has no expectations of a woman in marriage at all.

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So the primary group of people that we're addressing are people who are probably in traditional homes where a man is working full -time and then a woman is staying at home with the kids or something along those lines.

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Maybe with the kids if they choose to have them or whatever, but most of our audience are that kind of people.

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But then what most people... What they mostly hear when they hear a question like that, like does a good woman want their husband's help with the dishes, their mind immediately goes to very rare situations.

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So they're trying to universalize a question like that instead of just getting into the mindset of that kind of question.

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So their minds immediately go to just like a woman who just gave birth.

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Does she want her husband's help with the dishes for the first couple of weeks after it?

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Well, obviously there might be situations like that where a good woman may want her husband's help a little bit around the house.

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But then that's used to basically just ignore the point. So the point of a question like this is to say, well, is there anything about homemaking that actually belongs to the woman as her job?

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And that's kind of the sense behind this kind of question. So what you're talking about when you're talking about a question like this, you're talking about like a philosophy of roles essentially.

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And so for most people like in our circles, they're more than happy to say that it's a husband's job to go to work and provide for a family.

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So I did this poll on Twitter. I did it both ways. And so you ask the question one way. You basically say true or false.

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Does a good woman... A good woman doesn't want her husband's help with the dishes. And I mean, I think it was like 30 % said true and then 70 % said false.

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But then I asked it the other way. I said like a good man doesn't want his wife's help providing. And it was the opposite.

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It was 70 % said true, 30 % said false. You're being tricksy with it, huh?

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I did it the same day, but then I did it the same day. They could literally look on the timeline. And then

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I made a post about how funny it was and it didn't change the numbers. And so what that tells you is that you're living in a society right now that they're more than happy to bind certain expectations on a man, right?

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Yeah. You think about what kind of expectations are being bound on a man and that kind of question. Like a good man doesn't want his wife's help providing for a family.

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Okay, what you've just bound upon that man is an expectation that he works 50 hours a week for the rest of his life in order to provide for her.

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And you're okay saying like a good man will own that and say that's my job, right?

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Now, when you're talking about the dishes, you're talking about 15 minutes a day, okay?

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Now, hang on, hang on. I want to go back. 50 hours, that's like, let's be honest, that's like pre -Biden inflation.

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Come on, we're talking 60, 70 hours. All right, so think about it.

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All right, dishes is 15 minutes a day. Come on, like 20 minutes a day.

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You have a big family. You have to run the dishwasher twice. We're talking about you have a machine that's going to do most of the work for you.

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You have a machine that's going to do. And this is not like a big job. This is like a very small job.

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And so you have a lot of young like wives who are lazy and then they're gaslighting their husbands into thinking that like they're so busy all day long and they just don't have time to do this and they desperately need their husband to come home and save them from the pile of dishes that are in their sink that's been in their sink for the past three or four days or whatever.

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And if you love me, you're going to do it for me because I just can't keep up with it because it's so much for me. And it's just like, my goodness, like, look,

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I have guys who will like reach out to me on a regular basis and basically just describe this scenario, okay?

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They'll describe this kind of scenario where they go to work all day long. They come back and the sink is full of the same pile of dishes.

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It's just getting bigger and bigger every day. And after a few days of it, they finally get the courage to say, you know, are you going to do anything about it or something like that?

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And then you have the wife who's just secretly bitter at the husband for not helping her with the dishes. And like, you know, he comes home after 10 hours worth of work and he looks at her and he's like, you know, what did you do, right?

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Like if he's brave enough, like most men like are such wimps now that they're not even brave enough to ask.

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But what they're thinking in their mind is like, what literally what did you do all day, right? And they may have like got the courage to ask it because they're wimps like once or twice.

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And then what they're invariably going to get in that kind of scenario is they're going to get a, oh, you know, like a woman's work is never done.

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And, you know, I've been busy all day long. And what do you think it takes to, you know, like take care of all these kids all day long and they're needy and all this stuff.

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And, and it's just like, like the problem though, is that most of those men in that kind of scenario, like they know they're being gas lit.

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Okay. And, you know, and I can, I can just like, I can validate they're being gas lit because like I have five kids and almost every

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Saturday it's me at home with the kids because like, this is Elizabeth's day.

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We have my wife's, this is her day to go out and grocery shop and run errands and things like that.

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And so, you know, most of like the morning, like almost every Saturday I'm alone.

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And this has been the way, like it's always been like grocery shopping day, errand day has always been

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Saturday mornings at the very least. And I've been at home with my kids and I know it doesn't take very long to do anything.

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Like I've been mad. I know how long it takes to like, to get dishwasher loaded, you know, or whatever else.

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I know, I know how long it takes to get kids fed for breakfast. I know, I know how long it takes to get like for, to get kids fed for lunch.

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And then I know how much like time is devoted to, even with five kids, like not knowing what to do essentially.

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Right. So like the big struggle that most families have is not like having so much like chores and housework and whatever else to do that they're just running out of time.

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I mean, like you're living in a time right now where you have dishwashers, you have laundry, like you have like washing machines, you have dryers, like you have microwaves, like you, like this is, like you can feed people really quick if you want to.

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And you can wash, like it's not a lot of work. And the big struggle that most families have today is the struggle of trying to figure out how are we going to fill this time with God honoring productive activities.

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Now, when you start adding homeschool to the mix, that's like your homeschooling. Like that's when things get like it, you get, you have a lot more on your plate.

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Right. But a lot of these guys in these kinds of scenarios, they have one or two kids and like, they know that like that same pile of dishes, like it's in the sink all day long.

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They know that those same piles of laundry are laying all over the house. And they're looking like at their wife and they're like, what are you doing all day long?

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And what generally happens is those men, like their wives go shopping on Saturday too. And like, they know that like, if they want to clean the entire house from start to finish with all their kids there, while their wife is by themselves, they can get all of that stuff done that their wife is telling them is impossible to do.

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They can get it done in like an hour and a half or something like that. They can clean the entire house by themselves with all their kids from start to finish.

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This is even without any help from the kids or whatever else. They can get it all done in an hour and a half.

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And so they're looking at their wife and they're saying like, what are you doing? Right. Like, and they know what they're doing. Like they're on their phones and you know, whatever else, watching

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TV all day and just letting everything go. But so like, I'm looking, so the point of all that is just like that ramble.

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It's just like, you're asking a question like, you know, does a good woman want her husband's help with the dishes?

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And my answer is like, absolutely not. And the reason why my answer is absolutely not is because like, there has to be something that a woman will own as hers.

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Does that make sense? Yeah. So like, we're okay with saying, all right, 50 hours, husband, like you're going to devote 50, 60, 70 hours with Biden inflation to providing for a family.

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But then you're talking about like 50, like it takes 15 minutes to load a dishwasher, 20 minutes tops.

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You know, if you want to really stretch it and say, hey, loading and unloading and doing all that, it takes 30 minutes a day.

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Even if it took an hour a day, that's nothing. Right? Like that's nothing compared to like what a husband is doing, going to work for 10 hours a day.

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And so like the issue is like a woman who, like what you have to do is you have to say, okay, well let's bring some sanity into this equation.

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Let's bring some sanity into this equation. So like, what is it?

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Like in a traditional home, what is it that we're going to say, this is a wife's job.

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That's hers, like that she's going to guard as like, this is my job. This is what God has given me to do. And I'm going to do it to the glory of God.

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And I'm going to learn to excel in it. And it's going to be mine. And I might just going to be secretly bitter at my husband for not taking this from me.

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Right? I'm not going to be secretly bitter at him for not taking it from me and helping me with it and everything else. I can't help him with his job.

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So he can't help me with my job. Now, I think like with almost everything that it takes to be a homemaker, there's a sense in which like logically, okay, woman can't go to work and do your husband's job, but you can do your wife's job, but you should be doing so much more than just the basic bare minimum, do the dishes, do the laundry, everything else, that it should be like, like, this should be nothing.

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Like you should have a routine set up to where, you know, this is something that our family has to where, you know, you basically, first thing you do when you wake up, unload the dishwasher, right?

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You have it unloaded. And then all day long putting, you're putting your dirty dishes into the dishwasher.

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Then at night you run the dishwasher and then wake up in the morning, first step, unload the thing, right?

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So, I mean, that gets, that's just being smart, having a routine, taking it as it goes. You don't need help with that.

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Like what do you need help with that, right? Like if you're unloading your dishwasher every morning and then you're loading it all day long, like you don't need help with that.

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Like there's no need, like you just, like you have a job, your husband has a job and like a good woman will say, hey,

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I want to honor my husband's hard work by taking my job seriously and not just by being secretly bitter and trying to get him to do my job for me.

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Okay, fair enough. This has been another episode of Bible Bashed. We hope you have been encouraged and blessed through our discussion.

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