TLP 562: Parenting Your Kids to Adulthood, Part 2 | The Definition

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When we start to recognize that trials and testings are the joyful exercise of our faith, that is an exit off the back roads of childhood onto the highway of adulthood.

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Parenting isn't about us. In fact, parenting isn't even about our kids. Parenting is just one way

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Christian dads and moms are to worship God. So welcome to the Truth, Love, Parent podcast, where we train dads and moms to give

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God the preeminence in their parenting. Welcome back to the series, Parenting Your Kids to Adulthood.

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This is part two, and I'm looking forward to diving right in. Before I do that, though, I want you to know that the vast majority of our over 550 biblical parenting episodes include free episode notes, transcripts, and tons of links to related resources.

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And I hope you will avail yourselves of those free helps. I also need to tell you that this series is being brought to you by MyPillow.

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And now let's talk about how the Bible defines adulthood. Our goal is to parent our kids to adulthood, so we need to know our final destination.

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At least we need to know the mile markers. The apparent problem is that the Bible doesn't directly define what it is to be an adult.

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But never fear, though the scriptures don't provide a concise definition, that doesn't mean there is no definition.

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We're going to come to our definition inductively as we consider a number of clear biblical truths. 1.

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Adulthood is the opposite of childhood. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul writes,

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When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child.

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When I became a man, I did away with childish things. According to this passage, it appears that a child is identified by how he or she thinks, reasons, and consequently talks.

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This is consistent with Jesus' teachings that what comes out of the mouth comes from the heart or the mind.

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The word translated man in this passage refers specifically to the an adult male. This word's second most frequent translation is husband.

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Therefore, we can identify three important things from this passage. The first is that childishness is defined by how it thinks.

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The second is that adulthood is identified as the opposite of childish thinking. But the third lesson is a result of understanding the context of this passage.

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This verse comes near the end of Paul's extended teaching on love. He's been telling the Corinthians that certain spiritual gifts, like prophecy, will eventually fail.

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Verses 9 and 10 say that we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.

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The next verse is then about thinking like a child. The word translated perfect is also translated in other passages as complete or mature.

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Paul is using language that communicates and illustrates that there are things that are partial and incomplete, and there are things that are mature and complete.

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One of those incomplete or immature things is childhood. In fact, childhood is being used here to actually illustrate the fact that we all know of at least one thing that is immature and incomplete, and it's childhood.

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On the other hand, adulthood is being contrasted with childhood as something that is more mature and more complete.

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Paul revisits this idea in 1 Corinthians 14, 20, where he writes, Therefore, adulthood is simply a stage of maturity that is more mature than childhood.

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Now, that is not a very impressive definition, nor is it extremely helpful in identifying how we need to parent our kids.

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And all of this is complicated by the fact that most people think about the maturity out of childhood into adulthood as being simply a physical reality and nothing more.

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But that is not true. It's not what is being taught in this passage, and we'll deal more with this misunderstanding later.

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For now, our first point is that adulthood is the opposite of childhood. Adulthood is more mature than childhood.

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But what is childhood that adulthood is not? What are the specifics of immaturity?

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2. Childhood is identified by foolishness. In Proverbs 22, 15, we read,

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Folly is bound up in the heart of a child. The rod of discipline will remove it far from him. The word translated folly is the same as foolishness.

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You probably use the word foolish and foolishness more than you use the word folly, so we'll stick with foolishness. Under the inspiration of the

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Holy Spirit, Solomon is teaching us two very important lessons in this passage. The first is that children are inherently foolish.

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This means that foolishness is an unavoidable facet of what it means to be immature. The second lesson

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Solomon is teaching is that the rod, when applied in biblical discipleship, is part of the maturation process.

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Now we are not going to discuss spanking and other forms of discipline today. That's not the focus of today's show, but we do have plenty of other episodes on the topic that I will link for you in the description if you've never heard them or you need a refresher.

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But I do want to make the observation that parenting our children to adulthood is going to involve using discipline to help remove the foolishness.

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But what is foolishness? Again, we have a ton of episodes on this subject that will be linked in the description, but the basic definition of foolishness is the incorrect application of information.

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Whether it be truth or lies, fools don't use their knowledge correctly, thereby hurting themselves and others.

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Our series called Parenting a Zombie deals with the dangerous nature of foolishness. I highly recommend you listen to that series if you don't listen to anything else

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I share today. But there's another fact of immature thinking I want to throw out there before we move to our next point.

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I've been dealing with this topic more and more in my counseling and conference speaking, but it hasn't been fleshed out in this podcast.

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I'm going to need to do this at some point, but for now, let me introduce the concept that immaturity is generality versus maturity, which is specificity.

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Students know fewer broader concepts about math than their teachers. I know a lot about certain semi -precious stones.

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I may likely know more than you do, but I have far fewer specifics than my wife does, and she knows fewer details than geologists do.

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The more professional a person is, the more information and details and specifics they have. The better they can answer precise questions and apply their knowledge to increasingly complex and specific situations.

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On the other hand, people who are immature are ignorant of the details, can't answer the specific questions, and more often than not incorrectly apply what they know.

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Now, that might cause you to think, but I'm ignorant of a lot of things. For example, I don't know how to fly a plane.

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Does that mean I'm immature? And I would say yes, but only in certain areas. A person can be mature in some areas while immature in others.

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This is a very important facet of parenting our kids to adulthood that will be further explored as we continue in this series.

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It's also a very important opportunity to see ourselves for who we really are. We're not completely mature adults simply because we've aged.

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We have plenty of immaturity in our lives, much of which really needs to be addressed.

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Sure, hopefully we're not as immature as our kids, but in many ways, we may still be. And we'll talk about this a little bit more toward the end.

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For now, though, we need to understand that the more mature a person is, the more specificity they have in the topic or situation being discussed.

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We could say that foolishness is delusion, generality, and misapplication.

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By the way, I do deal with this topic of generality and specificity in my new book, Quit! How to Stop Family Strife for Good.

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You can get instant access to the book in the Evermind app, and you can also purchase the softcover for only $10 on Amazon.

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And of course, if you're a Prime member, you get free shipping. As far as I know, you can get the book at any number of online retailers, and I'll have a link to the book in the description.

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Okay, so adulthood is different from childhood in that adulthood is more mature, thereby less foolish.

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So, if childhood is identified by foolishness, then number three, adulthood is identified by wisdom.

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In 1 Corinthians 2 .6, we read, Yet we do speak wisdom among those who are mature, a wisdom, however, not of this age nor of the rulers of this age who are being abolished.

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If adulthood is maturity, and maturity is wisdom, then biblically mature adults are going to be wise.

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Parents, if we are going to parent our kids to adulthood, then we are in a process of helping them mature into wisdom.

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Again, I can't recommend enough the Celebration of God series entitled The Discipleship Spiral.

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That five -part series is all about how Christians are expected to mature in their discipleship from foolishness to wisdom.

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And our Teach Your Children to Learn series applies those truths specifically to parenting. But just like we asked what is foolishness, we also need to ask what is wisdom.

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Number four, wisdom is correctly applying truth. To the same degree that the thinking of foolish people is general and delusional, the thinking of wise people is specific and accurate.

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Wisdom is simply the correct application of truth. The more wise a person is, the more specificity they are able to exercise in their application.

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A good example of this is Exodus 31, 3 -6. In this passage, God has called Moses to delegate out the creation of the tabernacle and its accoutrement.

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Concerning a gentleman named Bezalel, God says, I have filled him with the Spirit of God in wisdom, in discernment, in knowledge, and in all kinds of craftsmanship, to devise artistic designs for work in gold and silver and in bronze and in the cutting of stones for settings and in the carving of wood, in order for him to work in all kinds of craftsmanship.

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Bezalel was able to wisely apply his vast knowledge of three -dimensional art to create stunning works worthy of being in the tabernacle of God.

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But there's another facet of wisdom we don't want to miss. There's a secular wisdom, or a man's wisdom, wherein

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Elon Musk can safely send people to Mars. But there's also a sacred wisdom, a spiritual wisdom.

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Whereas secular wisdom is primarily accurate specificity in practical matters, spiritual wisdom is accurate specificity in the will of God.

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We could say that immature foolishness results in sin, whereas mature wisdom results in righteousness.

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As we parent our kids to adulthood, we're parenting them, actually, to righteousness, spiritual wisdom.

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But lest we ourselves have an immature understanding of what that means, I have to remind us that righteousness is not merely an external set of actions.

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Righteousness is doing the right things in the right ways, for the right reasons, and in the right power. We discuss these concepts in greater detail in our

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Teach Your Children to Obey series. We are being foolish and immature in our parenting if we think that mere externalism or behavior modification will produce mature adults.

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It absolutely will not. We need to parent their hearts to maturity more than their behaviors.

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That's not to say that their behaviors don't need to be addressed, but it simply focuses on the truth that a right heart will seek to glorify

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God with its actions, whereas the right actions can be perpetrated by a very wicked heart.

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Again, if you need more guidance on this issue, you can both listen to the Teach Your Children to Obey series as well as reach out to our biblical counselors for personalized help.

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And before we get into our final point for today, I wanted to tell you that if you are a homeschooler who lives anywhere near North Carolina, you should come out to the

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Thrive Homeschooling Conference, May 22 -24. One of the featured speakers is my friend

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Renton Rathbun, the director of the Center for Biblical Worldview, who will be doing an amazing job and totally be worth the price of admission.

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But the icing on the cake is that I will also be presenting two workshops at that conference, and I will have a booth there.

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The link for more information about the North Carolina Thrive Homeschooling Conference will be in the description as well.

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Okay, as we have inductively worked through the following points, 1. Adulthood is the opposite of childhood, 2.

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Childhood is defined by foolishness, 3. Adulthood is identified by wisdom, and 4. Wisdom is correctly applying truth, then we can conclude that 5.

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Biblical adulthood is holiness. If we want to parent our kids to adulthood, then we must be daily parenting them towards spiritual maturity.

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This maturity is wise, not foolish. It's righteous, not sinful. It's specific, not general.

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This maturity is truthful, not delusional. And I hope you can see that being mature doesn't mean that you have to stop playing with toys or stop enjoying dinosaurs.

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A child not only can be mature, but God wants them to be maturing. As we observed last time,

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He wants them to submit to Him in justification and mature in Him through sanctification. Now, we're going to end our episode today by looking at specifics of maturity from the scriptures, but I want to address something

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I mentioned earlier. Allow me to identify the three main kinds of maturity. There is physical maturity, secular maturity, and spiritual maturity.

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Spiritual maturity is the most important part of becoming an adult. Secular maturity should occur as we strive to do our best to the glory of God.

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And physical maturity just happens to us whether we like it or not. The problem is when we assume that passive physical maturity is any kind of indicator that a person is secularly or spiritually mature.

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Just because a person is a 35 -year -old mechanic doesn't mean he's a good mechanic. Just because she's a 65 -year -old woman in your church doesn't mean you should go to her for advice.

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Spiritual maturity trumps all the others and will be the focus of this study. The final destination of adulthood is maturity into the image of Christ and the holiness of the

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Father. The mile markers along the way are the indicators that our kids are becoming less general and more specific, less foolish and more wise, less sinful and more righteous.

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Each of those steps is a step toward adulthood and away from childhood. So let's see what the

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Bible says about maturity and thereby better understand some of the specifics toward which we're parenting our kids.

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I want to start with Colossians 4 .12. Referring to one of his traveling companions,

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Paul writes, Epaphras, who is one of your number, a slave of Christ Jesus, sends you his greetings, always striving for you in his prayers, that you may stand complete and fully assured in all the will of God.

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The word translated complete is our word for mature. What is it to be mature? Well, according to this verse, a mature person is fully assured of the will of God.

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In order to parent your kids to adulthood, you need to be teaching them the will of God, reproving them when they don't submit to it, counseling them when they desire to submit to it again, and training them in his will when they are actively submitting to it.

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You can learn more about these steps in our Biblical Parenting Essentials series. Romans 12 .2

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builds on this concept when it admonishes us to not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you may approve what the will of God is, that which is good and pleasing and perfect.

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The will of God is that which is pleasing to him and perfect. The word translated perfect is the same word for maturity.

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We need to parent our kids to know what pleases God, to desire to please him, and to strive to please him.

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And we see that this is a process of not being conformed to the world but being transformed by the renewing of our minds out of childishness into adulthood.

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And this is all about repentance and holiness. Referring to the elementary teachings of God and the deeper truths of scriptures,

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Hebrews 5 .14 says, But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern both good and evil.

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We need to teach our kids how to discern what is evil and what is good. That which is good is the will of God, it's holiness, and that which is best is the will of God for our lives.

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Hebrews 6 .1 builds on this idea when it commands, Therefore, leaving the elementary teaching about the

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Christ, let us press on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead works and of the faith toward God.

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The most basic step of spiritual maturity is trusting God and repenting from sin. But that is less mature than the believer who is pursuing a deeper knowledge and understanding of who

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Christ is so that he may be conformed into his Savior's image. This truth is taught in the verses preceding our theme verse.

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Ephesians 4 .13 reads, Until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the full knowledge of the

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Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ.

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Maturity is a result of an increased knowledge of Christ and conformity to his image. Are our children moving toward adulthood as they are being more and more transformed into his likeness?

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One of the most observable mile markers on the road to maturity is our next point. James 1 .2

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-4 says, Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith brings about perseverance, and that perseverance have its perfect work, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

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Again, both of the uses of the word perfect are our word for mature. When our kids start to recognize that trials and testing are not something about which to complain, but are instead the joyful exercising of their faith, that is an exit off the back roads of childhood onto the highway of adulthood.

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And all of this is moving toward Matthew 5 .48, Therefore you are to be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.

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You're probably familiar with another verse that tells us to be holy as God is holy. The scriptures declare that adulthood is conformity to the maturity of God himself, holiness.

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Now that's an impossibly tall order this side of heaven, but there are two great truths to learn here. The first is that parenting our kids to adulthood involves teaching our kids to be holy as God is holy.

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And the second truth is that we ourselves are not as mature as we should be. But we are in good company.

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Consider the Apostle Paul's words in Philippians 3 .12 -16, Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, this word refers to coming to the end of something, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which

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I also was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brothers, I do not consider myself as having laid hold of it yet, but one thing

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I do, forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

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Let us therefore, as many as are perfect or mature, think this way. And if anything you think differently,

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God will reveal that also to you. However, let us keep walking in step with the same standard to which we have attained.

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The Apostle Paul wasn't done maturing when he wrote this, but he was mature enough to know that he had to press on to the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

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He knew that this had to be his mindset. He knew that he had to keep walking in step with God's standards.

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Paul was maturing. We need to continue maturing and we need to help our kids mature as well.

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And this is where I want to end with Colossians 1, 28 -29. Christ, we proclaim, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, so that we may present every man complete in Christ, mature in Christ.

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For this purpose I also labor, striving according to his working which he works in me in power.

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This my friends, Colossians 1, 28 -29, needs to be our parenting life verse. We could read it this way,

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Christ, I proclaim, admonishing and teaching my children with all wisdom, so that I may present them complete in Christ.

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For this purpose I also labor, striving according to Christ's working which he works in me in power.

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What does it look like to be complete or mature in Christ? Well, biblical adulthood is number one, being assured of the will of God, two, living a life that is pleasing to God, three, able to discern between good and evil, four, conformity to the image of Christ, and five, sanctification and trials.

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So that's what it is to be a biblical adult. Are you one? Are you parenting your children in that direction?

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It doesn't matter how old a person is, if they can understand the concepts, everyone needs to be growing in each of these areas.

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So if you're recognizing that you're not as mature as you thought or that you need some serious help parenting your kids to adulthood, please reach out to us at counselor at truthloveparent .com

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or leave a voicemail at 828 -423 -0894 and we will return your call.

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We would be honored to meet your needs in these areas. Also please share this series with your friends and don't forget to use the promo code evermind when you purchase your insanely priced

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MyPillow. Remember to go to Amazon to get your copy of Quit, How to Stop Family Strife for Good, and be sure to sign up for the

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Thrive Homeschooling Conference in North Carolina this May. So far on this series, we've talked about the mindset that you need to have in order to parent your kids to adulthood.

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That mindset involves realizing that we need to help get them there earlier than we probably realized, and today's episode about the biblical definition of adulthood further substantiates that idea that everyone in our family needs to be daily moving in that direction.

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On our next episode, we're going to talk about the expectations that biblical parents need to have for their kids if they want to parent them into adulthood on God's timeline.

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I'll see you then. Truth Love Parent is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you worship

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God through your parenting. So join us next time as we study God's Word to learn how to parent our children for life and godliness.

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And remember that TLP is a listener -supported ministry. You can visit truthloveparent .com forward slash donate to learn more.