Headship in a Christian Marriage

Wives, Submission, and the Husband’s Headship

It says in the same way you wives be submissive to your own husband's so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word they may be one without a word. By the behavior of their wives the submission that people have to understand is voluntary.

Obedience is requirement. Submission is a voluntary pull it thing. So Christ voluntarily submitted to the will of the Father and So wives in modern society a wife is never supposed to be submissive to the husband.

But we'll talk about that means a little bit because they're supposed to be equal. Well, Jesus is equal to the Father and nature, but he submitted to the will of the Father. I came not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me this is well of him who sent me that.

All he's given me I lose none. So this is that's John 6 37 through 40 that the whole pericope. So submission is the mission to the will of the Father, but they got to understand something. The husband is by necessity the federal head of the family.

He not the female because he's male is the head of the family. So when a woman is submissive to her husband, she is voluntarily submitting to the Lord. Now, what if a husband's bad? Well, we can talk about particular.

She should never submit to anything that's ungodly. But the point is women should not fight their husbands a lot of times women want to fight their husbands for leadership and control. I told you so I said this and you didn't leave me and that means the man now has to fight his own wife.

Instead of loving her because if he's spending his energy fighting his wife. Then he can't be a true leader to her because she's not Participating in the leadership of his position. It doesn't mean that he you know Do whatever he says every time but this is something that women don't get if they were to do that.

Then they'll understand something better and I'll explain why in a little bit. So as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior your adornment must not be merely External braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses.

But let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit. Which is precious in the sight of God. This is the kind of submission that God is talking about in the hidden person the imperishable Quality of gentleness and a quiet spirit not a nag.

Not I told you so and this and that and this and that I'll explain something here a little bit and this is Precious in the sight of God and so women want to reject their role and the the Opportunity of submission that is precious in the sight of God because they want their own rights.

So to speak their own authority and they what they're doing is listening to the devil. So when Adam and Eve were in the garden, all right when Adam and Eve were in the garden in Genesis chapter 3.

Let me explain something here.

Satan’s Strategy in Eden and the Pattern of Deception

Satan said or the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. He said of the woman. Indeed has God said you shall not eat from any tree in the garden. So what the first thing that the devil does is get her to or he attacks God word.

Do you really believe this? Do you believe what God said? First thing so we go back to First Peter 3 that it would talk about the submission of the wife has and the husband and a good godly relationship.

Okay, we're talking about normatives now. All right women have got what about if he's this it is that we'll get to those things later. But we're talking about the norm. So this is precious in the sight of God.

This is what the Bible is saying, but most women reject it but notice what happens. The devil comes in and says head did God really say it. The woman said of the serpent from the tree. The guard of the gardens you can eat, but you may not eat or touch it.

Now notice what she said or touch it. She slightly modified the Word of God to suit her. Need a lot of time women will come submission but not if he's this not if he's that they Interpret the word they misapply it to their own situation and in so doing they're in sin.

Let me explain some more. The serpent then said of it to the woman. You shall not die. Okay, so Genesis 3 1 through 5. So first thing is doubting the Word of God. Altering the Word of God contradicting the Word of God.

Let's go back to first Peter 3. So let it be in the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit. Which is precious in the sight of God for in this way in Former times the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands.

What it's an adorning quality that's precious in God's sight for a woman to do that and her for a husband. What's the Edenic lie. Think about what happened in Eden. God put Adam in charge. He says you name the animals and he did by his authority and then he named Eve.

He's the one in authority though. She sinned first sin entered the world through one man Adam. Romans 5 12. So what this is saying is that he was in the headship position so when they both sin and they both hid themselves in the Garden of Eden the Pre-incarnate Christ came to the man and said where are you?

Didn't say Eve didn't say Adam and even to the man. Where are you? He addressed the man because he's one responsible. This is a basic theological principle in marriage that a lot of people don't understand the males the one responsible.

He's like the captain of the ship. He could be great captain have a great crew. He goes to sleep. The ship runs aground he's in trouble. Even though he was not the one who actually did the bad thing, but he's the one ultimately responsible.

That's how it is in the family and women need to understand that. That the man whether he likes it or not is capable of it or not. Is the one who's ultimately responsible for how the family is going and heading?

This is why it hurts me so much when I think about this and how my children are because obviously I failed somewhere somehow and I beat myself up over it regularly because I'm the one that God's going to come to and Talk about it first and this is something I had to deal with because this is what the scripture says now Verse 5 again for in this way in former times the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husband just as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord and you have become her children if You do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

Sarah, Respect, and the Husband’s Responsibility

Okay now a little story. I Was teaching this in a Bible study three or four years ago and It just so happened and in this particular Bible study the women sat to my front right and the men sat to my front left.

So in front of me to the left of men. It just it just happened the met guys are talking and the girls are talking and and then let's start and they'll just sat down. Cuz they were friends. So it just happened to be that that arrangement was there and I was going through first Peter Talking about marriage and I said to the women we got to this point and I said Would you ever call your husband Lord and they said no all of them instantly.

No, he would not. I said why not because only Jesus is Lord. Do you think Peter knows that? Of course he does. What's he saying here? No, not he's Lord like Jesus, but he's in that position of authority and responsibility in the house.

Would you ever call him Lord? They'll go. No, he would not. I said why not and they said Because almost every woman said well because he's not worth it I'm not worthy of that Lordship the way Jesus is and I said, okay.

Okay, I said now got a question for you is the man obligated to love You yes, are you worthy of that love and they were dead silent? Because they knew they were not. But yet the obligation was still there whether the man thought she was worthy of love or not had no bearing on his responsibility.

To love her. Likewise, whether he she thinks he's the Lord or not or worthy of it. She's to show him that respect. That's the kind of respect that is there a submissive attitude of following not be trampled upon.

Not it does not mean you don't have an opinion and your opinion is not to be listened to and my wife I listened to her. I asked her advice on things. She gives me good advice, but ultimately I'm the one who's responsible now I Said to the ladies.

I said now look I'm gonna show you something. No, I said I don't want you to respond. I'm gonna ask the men something. I Listen to this ladies, you gotta understand something. I turn to the men. So remember this and I said, okay guys Let's say that you come home from work one day.

Your wife's there and your wife says to you and takes it seriously. She says look but listen to what the Bible says and I'm going to call you Occasionally Lord in a respectful sense. When no one's around who don't cause any problems and whatever.

But I want to show you that I'm submitting to your headship your lordship in that house as the man of God who's in this.

Position and.

That she means it respectfully and that she'll call you that every now and then. I said to them man. I said, what would you think of it? And every single one of them went we would not like it. And I said, okay, don't say why.

I said hold on and I said of the women. Why would they not like that? Even though you're thinking that the men are the ones who want to be all this leader type. Why is it that they said no all of us have no why they didn't know why turn back to the men.

I said why and they said because then we got to live it and here's a principle that women have to understand if you're submissive to your husband in that godly way and humility adorning themselves in holiness and imperishable quality of gentle and quiet spirit and Seeing and and living the lordship of your husband, you know in that seeing that in him.

What he will do then is stop fighting you and he'll have to turn his attention to his own failures and He'll do that before the Lord as you and your humility are not on purpose trying to make him feel bad.

But because you're doing this he's gonna stop having to battle you now. He's got to do something else because they're living as you're as you're calling him. Because men become what women wanted to become you are a failure.

You're no good. You're this remember I told you so men will react to that and they will learn not to trust you. They will learn not to confide in you because they're gonna get rebuked by you and they don't want that with the person.

They trust supposedly trust the most but if they make a mistake and they come to you as I've said in marriage counseling. And I'll use this illustration. Say a man says let's do this and the woman doesn't agree the wife doesn't agree and let's just say that that's the case and Let's just say there was a better decision that she had than he.

Nope, it happens. All right. I've seen that my wife made better decisions about things and I have I've had to admit to her. You know, that was a better thing that you said I should have gone that way.

All right now. Here's the thing. What do you do you say? I told you so I told you so I told you so the imperishable quality. The gentle and quiet spirit. Is that what that is? Of course not. What if she were to say something like I Trust you and You're my you're you're leading in this house.

I gave my input and We're okay together and that's all right. We're gonna work through it together. What do you think would happen with a man's heart when his wife would say something like that when he messed up?

He's gonna say in his own heart. Oh my goodness. She is awesome. He is automatically gonna want to hear her again on other things. I'm gonna take her more seriously as he needs to. He's gonna want to go open the doors for her more seriously.

But what if he made a mistake and she goes I told you so He's gonna distance himself from the aggressor because men don't want to have to fight their wives. Or be aggressors and their wives or have to fight for leadership stuff.

A lot of times what guys will do at this point is just go I'm done in order to happy life. It means a happy wife. I'll just let her do whatever she wants. I don't even care anymore. That's the kind of thing that is going on.

That is being that this is dealing with and women don't understand that if you are submitting to the Lord to have your husband. You're submitting to the Lord to Christ and by doing so you're honoring the Lord by honoring your husband in that way.

And the submission and the respect that is taught here is in the issue of the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God and That's why Peter raises this up and says that Sarah called Abraham Lord.

It's not that she thinks he's the great one of all Almighty and has every right decision. But she realizes his calling by God just as the husband's calling in place of it by God is there and that the wife can learn.

That she can help him a great deal become a better man. That's what that's dealing with. Having said all of that I could do this just as well on the other side about husband's loving your wives. But that's not the topic here at this hand on this time.

Husbands, Love, and Teaching Both Sides of Marriage

And here's another thing that I'd like to say when I'm teaching the Bible study on this. I'll say to the wives What does it mean for your husband? To go wait a minute. Don't don't don't answer. What does it mean your husband to love you?

I say hold on let's go to the husband. I say what does it mean and they'll say well it means to listen to what she says. It means to help out in the house these open doors. It means a babysit when she wants to go out with the ladies.

To love her to listen to what she's saying to hold her without trying to get Sexual to listen to what she's saying without trying to fix it to love her in various ways. And I say to the ladies and they look they give me these things and I'll say is that right?

And they yeah. Huh? I said good now tell us what it means ladies to respect your husband and then they'll tell you if you're right and I've done this three times in different Bible studies and no woman's ever got it, right.

They'll give us things we'll do whatever he says and I go is that what it is they go. Nope. They don't know now here's the point in front of me. Why is it that everybody knows what a husband's supposed to do?

But basically no one knows what a wife is supposed to do. Because the churches aren't teaching both sides and what I do is I teach both sides. And when I've taught this about husbands and wives I said the husbands get it first.

On week one and the wives get it second and week two because that's how it is in the Bible. The husband gets it first and then I go to the wives and I say to them you're gonna get stuff. You haven't heard before Theologically biblically and in your relationship and I've had people come back to me later and say that it's really affected their marriages for the better.

Amen.