Song of Songs 3 Looking for Love

You're listening to the podcast, Recast Church in Matawan, Michigan. This week, Pastor Don Filcik preaches from his series, The Awkward Love Book, blushing away through the song of songs. Let's listen in.

Opening Welcome and Clarifying the Red Shirt

Well, good morning and welcome to Recast Church. As Linda said, I'm Don Filcik. I'm the lead pastor here. And I did not lose my mind when I was gone for a couple of weeks. Some of you noticed the color that I'm wearing and I've actually had several of you concerned about it.

This does not say Ohio State. It says Camp Barakel. I was instructed to wear red today because the staff are taking a Christmas picture afterwards. So that's all this is about, okay? I just wanted to clarify that.

So this is not a change of any allegiances. I always say, go blue. So, and that's where my heart is. So that was not probably the best way to start worship. So that's really not what I am all about though.

Christ, the Word of God, and the Song of Songs as Idealized Love

I'm really all about the word of God. I'm glad for the chance that we have together together this morning in worship. Jesus is worthy of any and all worship that we would offer to him. He is the lamb of God who was slain for our sins.

He is the one who shows us what sacrificial love truly looks like. He is the hope for eternity. He is the head of his church. And I hope you love him. I hope you love him today. I hope your faith is placed in him alone for salvation.

And I hope that he is your king this morning. Amen? This morning we're gonna dive back into the Song of Songs. This is a love song. Here's the four guideposts for interpreting and understanding this book.

I've said this every time. I'm gonna keep saying it. This is a love song. So it takes on the flavor of a love song. We understand it as that. And so it's got flowery language. It's kind of written in, not in prose, but in poetry.

So it's a love song. It's written in scripture. So that helps us to interpret it to some degree as understanding and acknowledging that it's a part of the canon of scripture. It's about human love. And it is given to us in scripture to provide us with wisdom.

So it is a song in scripture about human love to give us wisdom. It's an idealized love song. And what I mean, I keep saying that, and I'm not sure it's communicating to everybody.

What I mean by that.

By idealized, I mean that it sets forth a standard for us. There's something in the way that these two interact, this king and his bride, and the way that they interact that is meant to inform us. It's not just there for our observation.

It's not just there to describe their relationship, but it is there to prescribe some things for our human marriages, our lives here today. The meaning is found in the ideals of romantic love found between King Solomon and his bride.

And it's idealized in that it may not reflect actual events. We know that King Solomon had many wives, and so many people have actually said, well, he couldn't have written this because of the purity and the solo nature of the relationship between this one man and this one woman.

But I believe that he wrote it as a corrective, a corrective to the life that he lived that he knew was not ideal. He had a pretty complicated life. How many of you just say 600 wives, one guy?

Sound a little complicated?

More than a little. He had an extremely complicated life that was not the way that God had designed it. I believe he knew that, and with the wisdom that God had given him, he's here painting a different picture, intentionally writing to us an ideal that he himself did not realize, but revealed to him by the Holy Spirit for our benefit and our edification.

It's idealized in that it might not be a true account, but much like our modern love songs, they're not all true accounts either. And so when we see this idealized love song, it's idealized, it sets forth a standard.

The interaction of these two is exemplary so that when she starts talking about the interior of his RV in a moment, we are meant to learn something by that. There's something about that that is prescriptive to us as well.

Our text this morning is gonna start with our husband and wife apart. That's where it begins. The stanzas of this are not afloat, so they were together the last time we saw them. Now they're apart, and why is that?

Well, it's because it's a song. Just like your favorite love song doesn't follow from beginning to end in a clear, concise chronology, neither does this book. We don't know why they are apart, but that's a real common theme in love songs.

Would you agree with me?

A real common theme is the two apart looking for one another, trying to find that loved one, trying to get together with them. We have an old adage, absence makes the heart grow fonder. And this song idealizes that proverb to a large degree.

Seeking is the theme of the first part of our text, and we see a heightened desire and intensity that drives toward physical resolution. And like chapter two, we find smack dab in the middle of our text this morning, a caution that she issues in the middle, right in the middle of the text in verse five.

Now, one of the purposes of the entire book is to remind us that romantic love doesn't follow conventional wisdom. It's an exception. People do irrational things when they fall in love. Anybody agree with me on that?

And in our text, we see a wife desperate to be with her man, and she breaks all kinds of social conventions to get to him. Now, whether this is meant to be a dream or a real event, you'll notice that if you have a copy of the ESV or you have one of those scripture journals, you'll see the subheading, the subtitle in this section is The Bride's Dream.

I actually agree with that. I believe that this is a dream. But whether it is a dream or it's not a dream, the result is the same. Our text paints an image of a woman in whom love has been awakened. Love has been awakened within her, and her desire to be together with her man is burning within her.

So if you're not already there, open your Bibles or your devices or your scripture journal or however you access the word of God to Song of Songs, chapter three, and we're gonna read this in its entirety, Song of Songs, chapter three, or Song of Solomon, however you wanna call it.

In recast, I wanna highlight to you again, like I love to do every week, that this is God's holy and precious word to us. This is what he desires to communicate, a word that we could often overlook. We could just blaze through the Song of Songs and scripture reading through a year.

I think Song of Songs ends up being maybe one day if you're doing a read through the Bible in a year, you can just quick run over it and not pay much attention. But recast, this is what God desires for us to hear.

My page stops flipping. On my bed by night, I sought him whom my soul loves. I sought him but found him not. I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares. I will seek him whom my soul loves.

I sought him but found him not. The watchmen found me as they went about the city. Have you seen him whom my soul loves? Scarcely had I passed them when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him and would not let him go until I brought him into my mother's house and into the chamber of her who conceived me.

I adjure you, oh daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. What is that coming up from the wilderness like columns of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and frankincense, with all the fragrant powders of a merchant?

Behold, it is the litter of Solomon. Around it are 60 mighty men, some of the mighty men of Israel, all of them wearing swords and expert in war, each with his sword on his thigh against terror by night.

King Solomon made himself a carriage from the wood of Lebanon. He made its post of silver, its back of gold, its seat of purple. Its interior was inlaid with love by the daughters of Jerusalem. Go out, oh daughters of Zion, and look upon King Solomon with the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, on the day of the gladness of his heart.

Prayer for Wisdom, Grace, and a Christ-Centered Response

Let's pray. Father, I thank you so much for your word, a word that can be very cryptic to us, especially to see some blank stares from guys who poetry is not our first language. But Father, I pray that you would speak through your word this morning to clarify for us the calling that you have placed on us in romantic relationships with our spouses, for those who are single, that this would be a message for them of the power and the benefit and the blessing of waiting to awaken that romantic interest, that intimacy.

Father, I pray that you would just meet us in this place with your grace. I recognize that we all started, those that are married in this room, started at one point before the altar, before witnesses and before you, declaring till death do us part.

We covenanted together and then life has happened to us. And these ideals that we read about in the pages of scripture seem like the romance of our childhood and our youth, but not hardly near what it's like to be pushing 50 in a marriage.

And so, Father, I pray that you would meet each person here, each couple here, each single here, in the place where they reside now and meet us by the power of your spirit to transform us. I pray that this message would not in any way, shape, or form hit us as a beating over the head of things that we need to do better, but it hits us as a dependence upon you, a leaning into Christ, a recognition of the need that we have for forgiveness as we need to extend forgiveness to others as well, especially our spouses.

Father, I pray that you would meet us in this place because of the great sacrifice of Jesus Christ, that you would receive our offerings from pure hearts, hearts that are not pure in themselves, but been purified by the sacrifice of Christ.

Receive our worship now, in Jesus' name, amen. Thanks a lot to Dave and the band for leading us in worship. I hope you were as built up and strengthened.

As I was through that opportunity we had to sing.

Encourage you to get comfortable, as comfortable as possible, as much as the content will allow, but we're gonna be talking about Song of Songs 3, so reopen your device or your Bible or your scripture journal to that so you have that on your lap so you can see that the things that I'm saying are coming from God's word and we're gonna walk right through it.

If at any time during the message, you need to get up and get more coffee or juice,.

Take advantage of that.

If you're new here, the restrooms are out the barn doors, down the hallway on the left-hand side. So you're not gonna distract me if you need to get up at any time during the message,.

Just take advantage of that,.

But we wanna keep our focus on God's word for the remainder of our time together as we lead up towards taking communion together. So to start with, I just wanna point out a good song, Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong were onto something in their classic duet, Dream a Little Dream of Me.

Seeking the One Whom My Soul Loves

Most interpretations of this passage see the opening of verse one of our text as an indication that the wife is dreaming of her husband and I think that that carries itself out through the first four verses of our text this morning.

She's in bed, she's seeking to find the one whom her soul loves. They are apart and she wants to be together with him. Now in the first four verses, she calls her husband multiple times, four different times, once in each verse by the same five-word phrase, him whom my soul loves.

This is once again, I believe, an emphasis on the reality that her affection for her man is much more than just merely physical or sexual fulfillment or pleasure. She loves him with her very self, with her soul, with her time, with her energy, with her efforts.

There is a deeper and more profound connection between a husband and wife than the mere physical, although that matters. They are, in other words, doing life together. They are for one another. She is committed to him.

She is with him in soul and this is what makes her want to be with him in body as well. They love one another and there is emotion and feeling that's a part of that. There are certainly things that they do for one another that are components of that.

There's physical expressions of that but there are also emotional connections there where when he wants to go away for the weekend, he talks with her about it. Are you getting that? Like that's what it means to do life together where he wants to be with her.

And marriage is meant to be a mingling of souls, not merely a mingling of bodies. And in this idealized love talk, we see the verses of this song full of this kind of talk between the king and his bride.

And we see here in verse one our first point. Romantic love seeks, that's our first point. Romantic love seeks. We are given a location where she's looking. She's in bed and she's seeking the one whom she loves, the one whom her soul loves but she can't find him.

Now I personally lean towards this being a way of saying that she is dreaming, she's seeking him, she's on her bed. She isn't lifting up the pillow and throwing back the sheets trying to find her husband.

She is dreaming and in her dream, they are apart. And yet in this idealized song, we are seeing a desperation in her to be together with her man. Maybe in her dream, he's away on a trip. Maybe he is literally away from her but she's still dreaming.

I'm sure that the king was often away on royal business and so it's quite possible that they are actually physically separated. But the tension is created by his absence and you can't doubt that reading this text.

It says definitively twice in the text, she found him not. She couldn't find him. Romantic love seeks the other. There is a desire to be together when spouses are apart. Now that doesn't mean that you're never apart.

A couple of weeks ago, Linda was away at a women's retreat. Last weekend, I was away at a men's retreat. We enjoyed the time that we were apart. There were things that we enjoyed. I enjoyed shooting at the riflery range and hanging out with the guys and doing that stuff.

But I was really glad to get home. I was really excited to get back. And although you can certainly go on fishing trips and hunting trips and the wives get together and do stuff and go out and all of that, there's a desire in a healthy marriage to look forward to being back together.

Are you getting me in that? How many of you are glad that it's okay to be apart?

Raise your hand.

You're glad for that.

That's okay. It's okay. But on the other side of that is there's always a goodness to returning. As I said in an earlier message, let it be a red flag in your marriage. If you desire to be apart for the apartness.

Are you getting what I'm saying by that?

You're looking forward to being apart because it means that you're not together. Like, it doesn't matter what I'm doing. It doesn't matter if I go fishing. I don't even, I like fishing. I just wanna be on the water away from my wife.

If that's your heart, if that's your attitude, I'm not joking, because there are people who have that heart. There are people who have slid into a marriage of that style. If you never miss each other and are glad to stay longer hours at work, beware.

If you wish he would stay or she would stay longer at work, be cautioned. And work at being the kind of person that your spouse wants to be with. This is idealized, of course, and we know that we must lean on the Holy Spirit to be the people God wants us to be.

But the more we walk with the Spirit, the more we look into the fruits of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, the more that we lean into those things and allow God to work those things into our heart.

I believe the more that we will become the kind of person our spouse wants to be with. Are you getting me? How many are you tracking with that? Four of us?

Raise your hand if you're asleep.

Gotcha. Okay, thanks for admitting it. Keeping track, I'm gonna write those names down. I wanna dive below the surface here for just a moment when we think about seeking to highlight that seeking is a significant theme in Scripture.

Deuteronomy 4 .29 says, but from there, I'm quoting, but from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find him if you search after him with all your heart and with all of your soul. And Psalm 63 .1 says this, oh God, you are my God.

Earnestly I seek you. My soul thirsts for you. My flesh faints for you. As in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Seeking the one that our souls were made to love is not very far from this passage.

I don't believe that it takes anything away from the romance or the romantic intimate intentions of the text itself to apply this passage to the deeper, much deeper love between a Christ follower and their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Is there a desire to be near him? Church, do you desire to be near him?

Go ahead and answer.

Do you wanna be near him? Is there a desire to walk with him? Is there a desire for him to be close to you? Love for God seeks after him. And romantic love, of course, seeks after our spouse. The second thing we see in verse two is that romantic love risks.

Romantic Love Risks and the Need for Boundaries

Romantic love takes risks. Now, I think we all know this. The wife here does more than just seek for her husband, but she does so in this text in a way that involves risk to herself. She rises from the bed in a dream to go out into the dark city streets to look for him.

I think we're still in dreamland because there's parallelism to verse one. And in verse one, I think it's quite clear that she was in a dream, and she's explaining that there on her bed she's having this dream.

And then the parallelism in verse two indicates that we're still in dreamland. But also, the other indication for this would just simply be that the culture of that time would have nothing of a woman roaming the streets of the city alone after dark.

I mean, how many of you would wanna roam the streets of downtown, would want your wife to roam the streets of downtown Chicago by herself after dark? I mean, it's just not the way that things work, and so that's one other indication that we're talking about a dream here.

But it makes little difference whether waking or dreaming. She is desperate enough to risk breaking social convention in order to be together with her man. This is gonna build into a caution that is coming for us in verse five.

You're gonna see it here in a moment. It's gonna be a major point. But how many of you ever made a dumb decision in the heat of romantic love? Go ahead and raise your hand and hold it up for a second.

How many of you made dumb decisions in the heat of romantic love? I think most all of us have. Verse two exists to demonstrate how desperation and romantic love moves us along in ways that don't always match the book of Proverbs.

It's not that Proverbs type of wisdom. Follow the Proverbs and this woman is never out in the streets late at night looking for her man. She follows wisdom and goes, that's not safe, I'm not doing that.

Risk assessment, she tabulates the wisdom of going out in the street and goes, nope, not doing that. That's what wisdom looks like. Romantic love, insert romantic love into the equation, and risk assessment isn't always the first thought, right?

The analysis of pros and cons often is thrown out the window.

Are you guys getting this?

The Bible here is acknowledging that there are indeed dangers associated with intimacy and romantic love. It makes us do risky things. And the text of scripture here is saying it knows you. It knows your heart.

It knows the danger that is close to us when we awaken and elicit inappropriate romantic feeling with another, be it extramarital, be it premarital, whatever it might be, it is dangerous ground.

How many of you knew that already? You already knew.

It's pretty, I mean, it can be a dangerous thing. The application at this point is gonna be more fully realized in verse five, where we see a more explicit warning to set boundaries around romantic love, headed off at the pass before it is fanned into flame if it is not a God-honoring romantic intimacy.

Fortunately, the young lady in Dreamland runs into the police. She asks them if they've seen the one whom her soul loves. There is some level of protection, at least in the city. And we get no reply, but she's barely beyond the officers when we get to our third point.

Romantic love speeds toward fulfillment. It has a will of its own, and it will carry you along. You see, what happens is she turns the corner.

She's talking with the officers.

She turns the corner. They're no help, and there is her man, and she immediately falls into his arms and says she embraces him and clings to him and will not let him go. Again, the entire scenario is intentionally surreal.

We are in Dreamland. What in the world is this dude doing downtown late at night? Like, don't ask the questions, right? Like, what's going on here? It's a dream, okay? Back off a little bit. And on top of that, it's a dream within a love song, okay?

So that adds, like, any of you just kind of like, I'm lost at this point. This is like, what was that, Inception? Kind of like a dream inside a dream inside a love song or something, I don't know. But that's what we've got going on here.

It's a little bit like kind of telescoped in here a little bit. But her desire is the emphasis of this passage, and that's what you need to cling to, what you need to see. She holds on to him, dragging him along to the place of sexual fulfillment, and that place ought to creep us all out a little bit.

How many of you are like, where is she dragging this dude?

To her mom's room?

This is creepy, okay?

The desperation, but here's what you need to understand.

This is a dream.

The desperation of the situation and her appetite for intimacy makes me conclude that her mother's house was both unoccupied and closer than home. That's what's going on here. The story takes a weird turn here, but I want to point out that romantic love is indeed, to a large degree, irrational.

It dreams crazy dreams.

It creates intense desires. It even creates a need for a convenient, discrete location for fulfillment. When intimate desire is awakened, it can be like the flash of lightning. It can rage like a flash flood running down through the valley into the ocean.

It's tough to stop. It creates steam as it heads towards completion. She pulls him into the privacy of her mother's chambers. And here's the thing, guys, for real. Once awakened, even the in-law's house isn't out of bounds.

Do you see it? Even the in-law's house isn't out of bounds as a place of romantic fulfillment. And I know that I might very well be missing some kind of cultural expectation in this, but I did a lot of reading this week, a ton of reading.

And what's in this run-to-mama's room here? And some people had some pretty outlandish, I think, theories and ideas, but I never read anything this week that was compelling beyond the rush to fulfillment that's going on here in the text.

She's got a level of desperation and hunger, and she is ready to fulfill it, and she's carrying him along to the closest place possible to do so. And again, this third point feeds into the next point regarding application.

Be cautious awakening romantic love. It makes your brain take on increasing risks, and it also hungers and races toward fulfillment. And so we come to the fourth point, and we're gonna camp on this one for a little bit longer.

Romantic Love Needs Boundaries

Romantic love needs boundaries. Romantic love needs boundaries. Verse five is verbatim from chapter two, verse seven. It's an exact repeat of a passage.

We've already talked about,.

And then it's gonna be repeated two more times in this book. So verbatim, exactly word for word. And it's the bride saying to the young unmarried ladies of Jerusalem, do not stir up or awaken love until the time that it can be brought to full pleasure, until it fully pleases.

Now, this would be a great place to pause and consider what it means to stir up and awaken love. Well, think of it like this. Think of it like the coals of a fire that ran out. How many of you enjoy camping?

Have you ever had a campfire that you let go out at night and in the morning? All you gotta do is kinda stir those coals, throw something else on there, and it bursts into flame? And have you ever had that experience?

It's a pretty cool experience, right?

It's like I don't even have to strike a match. It's already warm enough to be able to do that. Well, like those coals that ran out in the middle of the night, it takes very little effort to rekindle the flames.

To awaken it is to put some fuel on it, to intentionally bring the flames up. There's an intention to this stirring up. To stir it up, hear me carefully, church, to stir up love, to stir up this romantic intimacy, this desire for physical fulfillment, is to intentionally manufacture.

You are creating something. With intention, you are creating the desire for intimacy in another. You're intentionally doing that. Now, I have permission from my wife to share this story. I actually have my kids' permission to share this story, too.

But Lynn and I, I'm gonna state this at the start so that you don't have too much question about what was going on in this car. Lynn and I waited until we were married to have sex. So you can rest assured that the rest of the story.

Gets a little weird.

But we were not as careful as we would have liked to be about stirring up love. I wish we had been more careful and cautious when we were dating. But one night in college, we went out to the Gerald R. Ford International Airport.

In Grand Rapids.

There's a place on the backside where people like to park and watch the planes landing and taking off. Emphasis on the word park. It's not very easy to watch. We've discovered this. It's not very easy to watch planes taking off and landing through fogged up windows.

It's not easy. But you can't make up what happened next. And the officers, thank you to the officers in the room. The next thing that happened in this story was literally on the passenger side window.

No joke.

So Linda rolls down the window. And yes, I'm doing this motion intentionally. It was an old Ford Escort, gold, mine. And she rolled the window down. And there's the officer. Bright flashlight shining in our faces.

And this question is emblazoned. I know I'm quoting this officer because I will never forget these words. Ma 'am, are you here of your own free will? She says, yes, sir. Yes, sir. Okay, ma 'am, be safe.

Window rolls up, car starts.

In reverse, out of there.

We never went there again. God sent an officer of the law to bring to our minds another law that's much higher than the law of the land, a higher standard than mere consent. How do we awaken love before it's time, church?

What could we do that makes us guilty of this? Well, we awaken it and we stir it up by actions, by glances, by intentional flirtation, by going to places we know we shouldn't be, by touching in ways that entice, by intentionally dressing to entice, by refusing to clarify our intentions of where things are going.

Man, this one's more for you, but we do so by laziness. When it comes to risk in relationship, men, especially single guys, I'm speaking to you in the room, it can be very, very difficult for us to commit in relationship.

For most men, physical connection is much easier than emotional connection. Let me just say this directly. Godly men step toward the commitment of marriage that brings protection and safety to sexual intimacy.

That's the goal of your dating relationships. Men, you wanna be moving your relationship along toward sexual fulfillment? Is that what you desire? Then move it along toward marriage. Then make that your goal.

No huggy, no kissy until she gets a wedding ring. Thanks, Georgia Satellite. Anybody get the reference? Raise your hand if you got that reference.

At least a little bit.

That's a song that my kids know very well. I recommend it if you've got teenagers. They will love the style of it. A nice old 90s, I think 90s, probably. Maybe even late 80s. Really great style, Georgia Satellites.

What's the name of that song? Keep your hands to yourself, look it up.

It's really, really great for teenagers. Or college age, or not married in your career. Whatever, I don't know.

We are a culture that assumes, am I wrong? We're a culture that assumes that you will awaken romance and intimacy before it can fully please. There's an expectation of that. Everybody's doing it, just give them condoms.

God has another way for holy sexuality and singleness, and it is to wait for that which is blessed and good by God. Her dream proves to be a cautionary stanza of the song. Don't awaken love before it's time.

It will make you take serious risks. It will carry you along. What you start and stir up will become a raging fire.

That you thought you could control.

But there's another side of this that goes beyond prohibitions for singles. To the bulk of the room, it's like, well, who was I talking to? I was talking to the handful of singles that are here. But the text tells us to not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.

What about when it can?

What is a prohibition for those in a state of holy singleness? Is an instruction to stir up and awaken for those of us who are in a state of holy marriage. Awaken it with glances, married couples. Awaken it with flirtation, by going to places that you now can go, by touching in ways that entice, by speaking romantic words, by maybe texting about your desires, by wearing scents, by dressing for your spouse.

More than a mere prohibition to those who are unmarried, verse five, is also instructive for those who can now fully be pleased by sexual intimacy and holiness. What is it about us that thinks that this is only for the singles?

Don't do this, when it says, until, there's a day and a time when it's right. There's an appropriateness, couples, to fueling the flames of sexual intimacy with your spouse. But now the dream is contrasted to reality.

Protection, Provision, and Admiration in Marriage

After the dream of being apart, her man comes home. Solomon returns in his RV. He comes up over the horizon like a fragrant smoke, and it's like his camper is thundering on the way. And in verse seven and eight, we see our fifth point.

Romantic love protects, romantic love protects. It's contrasted to her dream, where in her dream, she wandered around in the night, unprotected and unsafe. Fortunately, the police officers found her, but her man provides for her 60 well-armed men to protect them throughout the night.

She says this to emphasize how protected she feels by her man. And I think the emphasis is there, that men, we know we cannot protect our wives and our spouses from everything. We can't protect our wife from everything.

But it's important, and it's valuable, and it's shown in this text to be valuable that she feels protected, that you're taking efforts and work in that direction. And the protection against the terror of the night is meant to be a reflection on that romance.

She needs to feel safe and secure. There's a word here about how we protect our wives, men. This is not Don's final go-buy-a-gun message, though that might not be a terrible idea for you.

It's up to you.

But rather, it's a call to consider what barriers are there to intimacy with your wife, or for your wife. In chapter two, she asked him to remove the little foxes from the vineyard. It was an image, a word picture, to remove the things that trouble their marriage and get in the way of intimacy.

What are your wife's terrors in the night? Well, stop guessing and ask her. Talk with her, men. What is threatening her in her life right now? And it may not be physical threats. It might be work stress.

It might be you. Maybe she feels like your lack of communication with her is a sign that you're done with her,.