What Does It Mean to Keep a Record of Wrongs?

The point is just you need to be forgiving, that's the point. You need to be forgiving, and a forgiving person isn't just going to be holding on to everything and taking it all into account. If you are trying to help someone repent of things, it may be helpful to give specific examples.

Keeping No Record of Wrongs in 1 Corinthians 13

Tim, the question for today's episode is, what does it mean to keep a record of wrongdoing?

This record of wrongdoing language is coming from certain translations of 1 Corinthians 13 .5, so I'm thinking in particular of the CSV and the NIV. The NIV says it does not dishonor, this is a love passage essentially, it says it does not dishonor others, it's not self-seeking, it's not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs.

Now, if that's the best translation, I'm not sure that it is, but there's different scenarios that you could think about where it would be inappropriate to keep a record of wrongdoing for the actions of others.

And then there's other situations I can imagine where it might be a helpful and appropriate thing. And so many people, they are leaning on this kind of passage, particularly a translation of the NIV saying it keeps no record of wrongdoing, in a way that almost pushes us to suspend logic and reason and give serial offenders the right to forgiveness indefinitely without any expectation whatsoever that they're going to change, if that makes sense.

Forgiveness, Seventy Times Seven, and the Meaning of Love

Well, you know, Jesus said I'm supposed to forgive my brother seven times and seven times seven times.

Seventy times seven, you know, four hundred and ninety. So obviously Jesus is saying we should forgive our brothers 490 times, but the 491st time then you're out of luck there at that point. So part of this is, yeah, related to that kind of concept of forgiveness.

How does forgiveness work and what does 1 Corinthians 13, 5 say? So NIV says it keeps no record of wrongdoing. If you read something like the ESV, it's going to say it's not irritable or resentful. NASB says it does not take into an account a wrong suffered.

And that may get you in a better place to understand what's happening. But let me see if I can give you a couple of scenarios that you can try to understand what this kind of language, however it's worded, is trying to get at.

So imagine like you're married to your wife and she is particularly mad at you because you haven't been the best husband all week and she pulls out her list, right? So she pulls out her list of all the things that you did bad this week in order to twist your arm and basically convince you that you're a horrible, awful person and probably so that she can get you to let her buy something that she wants to buy or something like that.

Or that you'll do the dishes or something.

Yeah, something like that. But let's say that she pulls out the list and she's like, you know, I've just been keeping track of it. You say that you're a good person and all that, but you're not. You're a scoundrel and at 11 .45 a .m. on Tuesday, you did X and she pulls out the list and she bashes you over the head with it.

Maybe it's the kind of thing where if you were to try to criticize her about anything or rebuke her for anything, she pulls out her list and says, hey, look at this record of wrongdoing. Well, that would obviously be kind of a pretty exaggerated, crazy kind of thing, right?

So that would be running afly at the nature of forgiveness. So the nature of forgiveness is such that as Christians, we're casting our brothers and sisters' sins into the depths of the sea. So we're saying, I'll forgive you, and we're casting it into the depths of the sea to remember it no more.

We're not just going to keep on beating people over the head with it over and over and over.

Again.

So that would be strange, right? That would be strange if your spouse or someone you care about says, you've sinned against me 115 times this week, and here's my evidence, and I'm going to pull out my evidence and I'm going to beat you over the head with it.

Now, that would be one situation where you would look and say, all right, yeah, that's clearly strange to keep a record of wrongdoing in that way. But then there's other kinds of situations you can imagine as well where it might be helpful to bring forth a little bit of evidence, okay?

Evidence for Reconciliation Versus Evidence to Tear Down

So let's use an emotionally manipulative example here just to make a point. Let's say that you're the wife in the relationship, and you're being beat by your husband. Let's say that he's beat you four times this week, okay?

So I've got to use a sad example here to make a point. But let's say that the wife at that point, he says, hey, sorry, honey, that was wrong. I shouldn't do that, and I shouldn't do that anymore, and I need you to forgive me.

Well, if she looks at him at that point and she says, you keep on saying you're sorry, but this is the fourth time you've done this this week, and it doesn't seem like you're being very sincere, right?

So I'm having trouble believing that what you're saying is sincere because it just keeps on happening over and over again. This is the fourth time in one week, and I'm struggling to believe you. But at that point, if that guy were to look at her and say, hey, love keeps no record of wrong, right?

Love that keeps no record of wrong. I asked you to forgive me. You're supposed to cast it into the depths of the sea and remember it no more. It's like Servpro, man. It never happened, right? Like that isn't really the point, do you get what I'm saying?

The point isn't just to say that you're supposed to suspend your judgment completely and be.

Ignorant.

The point is just to say that you're not supposed to be just adding up offenses in order to bring them up in a harmful way, right? Just to beat someone over the head and tear them down as a person and everything else.

But that's very different than the analogy that we're describing. So just saying, hey, this is the fourth time this has happened, right? This is the fourth time it's happened. It doesn't seem like you're sincere.

That could be coming from a person who wants to be reconciled with the person, but then who is saying your behavior is showing that it's doubtful that you're actually repentant.

Here.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

So in that way, you can have evidence that's used in two different ways. One is to destroy reconciliation, and then the other is to try to pursue reconciliation. I want to be reconciled with you, but you have to see how serious this is.

And this is evidence to show you're not treating it very seriously. But I want you to treat it seriously so that we can be reconciled. Does that make sense?

The Difference Between Manipulative Accusation and Restorative Confrontation

Yeah.

Yeah.

So the issue then is just like, yeah, there's a lot of translations of this verse, but I think the NASB gives a pretty good, I think, maybe a different translation of it, but I think it gets at the idea I'm talking about.

It does not take into account a wrong suffered. So there's a kind of person who's just going to hold on to it. They're going to take account of the wrong suffered. They're going to add it up.

They're going to make a list out of it. No matter how small.

Yeah.

No matter how small, and they're going to beat you with it.

Right?

Well, that's like... And then there's another person who says, Hey, I want you to be restored with me. But like, you just like, look, you've yelled at me 10 times in the past two minutes and you keep on saying, sorry, like we have to stop the cycle here.

Right?

Like in that way, like you're saying, like, we have to stop this. This is going nowhere good. We need to take a step back. This is like, we're on repeat. We're just in a cycle of this thing that needs to stop.

Right?

You've spent money. Like I've asked you not to, you know, I've asked you not to go on shopping sprees anymore. This is the fourth out of control shopping spree you've done in the past week. You know, we can't, this is the fourth credit card that you've maxed out in the past week.

You know? So what are we going to do here? But, you know, I think like in that way, that's a very different kind of situation, like that can be a conversation geared towards a restoration and, you know, repentance, and that could be involved bringing forth evidence and then you can have another conversation that's just trying to destroy.

When Repeated Sin Requires Loving Confrontation

Yeah.

So what about, it seems like you're, you're basically saying, Hey, if it's a small thing, it's probably better to just forget it and just, you know, like move on basically. But then if it's a, if it's a bigger sin, you know, something like, like, Hey, you know, my spouse cheated on me or my spouse is hitting me or, you know, something like that.

It seems like then you're saying, well, obviously you can't just completely ignore that and pretend it didn't happen. So, uh, is there ever like a situation where you do say, Hey, look, like this isn't a major sin, but I've seen this happen time and time and time again, where I feel like I do need to bring it up and just ask, like, is there something deeper to all this?

Is there basically ever a situation where you say, sure. Like the, the, the fault here is not big. It's not like a killed. It's not like you killed someone, but then. This happens all the time. And I want to figure out, I want to like, get to the bottom of this is, is that still violating the command or, or what do you think?

Yeah, I think I'm using extreme examples just to establish a point. But then the point being made is it's more about how the information is used and not about like the fact that there is information. So in the main, um, so the same, so like, if you're using the information just to tear someone down and drive a wedge in between you and them, then that would be inappropriate and get what you want, a manipulative way.

Like that's a bad way to gather evidence.

Right.

But then if you're using the information, like to bring about reconciliation and repentance, then that's a totally different posture that you're having towards it.

Right.

So in the language of the NSV, you're not taking into account a wrong suffered. It's not a personal offense that you're holding onto and you're just trying to, you know, prove your point that you're just a wicked person to be married to.

And here's all the evidence. It's like, no, I need you to repent of this.

Right.

So, I mean, you can, you can do that in different ways. I mean, I think if, um, like you can imagine, um, you know, a husband who is just snapping at people, like in a wife, just looking at him and saying, Hey, um, you know, maybe he's not yelling and screaming, but he's just like, obviously visibly frustrated.

You just look at it and you say, honey, like, this is like, it's like the 10th time in the past 30 minutes, you know? Like, um, and like, you need to go pray or something, right? So like, what do you need to do?

Like, so, I mean, that can be a relatively small thing in the scheme of like, you know, it may not be, you know, maxing out five credit cards or something like that in those five a week kind of, kind of thing, but it, it does need to be dealt with.

Right.

So like just the annoyance, the irritation, the frustration with the kids, you know, you've snapped the kids four times in a row, like, like in the past, you know, few minutes. Now, I mean, you know, if you're getting up to like, Hey, literally I've counted today and it was 686 times that, you know, and here is a timestamp interval for each.

One.

I mean, I think that that's moving beyond like what's reasonable genuine concern.

Yeah.

I mean, you just like, at some point it's just like, are you getting like a kick out of this or something like what's happening here? But I mean, I think though, like just having a general kind of like, Hey, let's replay the events that just happened kind of posture is, is not what this verse is talking.

About.

So mostly, mostly like the point is just, you need to be forgiving. That's the point. You need to be forgiving and a forgiving person isn't just going to be holding on to everything and, you know, taking it all into account, you know, but then like if you are trying to help someone repent of things, it may be helpful to give specific examples.

Closing and Listener Support

Okay. Okay.

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