Adult Sunday School - Marriage-Definitions

Heavenly Father, thank you for this morning, I pray that you would bless our time of worship later and that you would bless our study of your word now, in Jesus' name, amen. So what I would like to do at this point, so yeah, we're in a bit of a transition here where Brian just finished teaching a couple of series and handed this over for me to do some Sunday school.

And so last week we looked at one topic on worship and from here on out I'd like to start a series on marriage. Just a bunch of topics within the category of marriage and divorce, adultery, and all kinds of things about that.

And why, why would we do that? Several reasons, I think there's a lot of, there's a lack of clarity in a lot of things, not just culturally while the world, you know, fumbles to understand what marriage is, but even among Christians, a lot of the more specific questions that are very important and applicable to people's lives don't get answered because there's so much diversity of opinion, that there's a fear of, a fear of offending people.

You know, if you ask about specific situations of divorce or specific situations of whether or not it would be right for someone to marry, right, there's, your chances are you're hitting on particular things that have, that are true of one person or someone they know.

And so it's very easy to, it's very easy to offend in this topic and so because of that, there's generally a lack of clarity because there's an unwillingness to touch it as much. Also I don't, I can't think of a time when we've ever done a serious teaching on divorce and something that I've mentioned as a concern a few times is that if there were ever a serious contentious issue, you know, we wouldn't have, we wouldn't have taught on it well enough to be able to navigate it, you know, should that, should that come around.

And I would like for us to all be on the same page about what would constitute a lawful divorce and what wouldn't so that, you know, should there ever be that kind of controversy in our church, we would be able to have more of a, of one mind on what scripture says on.

That matter.

So these are some of the reasons I think this is an important thing to discuss. And today is mostly just going to be an overview of what marriage is, but as we go forward, we're going to be hitting some of these more, more nuanced subtopics.

So please do send me any questions that you have. If there's a question that you want answered, there are really, you know, a near endless number of questions that could be answered in a series on marriage.

So if you have a particular question that you want answered, please do send it to me, either just text it to me or write it down on a piece of paper and hand it to me. Any of those work, I'll be happy to make sure it ends up somewhere in the, in the series, as long as it truly is relevant.

Okay, well, let's, let's move forward now. What is a, what is marriage? Like if you had to define marriage, how would you define it? I want to, I want to get a few definitions.

Yes.

Christopher, right? Yes.

Yes. Okay.

Yeah, it is, it is an image of the gospel. And that's, that's fascinating for a number of reasons. Let me go ahead and read that passage. Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior.

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their.

Husbands.

Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word, so that he might, that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

The same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself, for no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

So he keeps, he keeps going back to Christ and the church throughout this whole thing. And a lot of people are looking at this passage to just tell them about how to be married, which is a lot of instruction there.

But there's something else that it says that's, there's several other things it says that I find interesting too. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

This mystery is profound that I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband's. So this is called a mystery.

This mystery is profound. In what, in what sense is it a mystery? What is a mystery? Could you, could you turn me down a bit? I always feel like I'm too loud and I've like end up, I feel like I end up whispering to.

Make sure.

Thanks. Thank you.

What, what is a mystery? Yeah, right.

Right.

Something, something that's been hidden.

Right.

So what, what has been hidden here? What's, what's the part that's hidden? Because you talk to, you talk to some religious folks like Roman Catholics about mysteries and what they use the word mystery for is to mean something that is a logical contradiction, you know, and therefore we're just supposed to accept it on faith even though there's no way it could possibly be true.

So, you know, the, the, the wine turns into blood and you know, this, this is a repugnant to any sensibility that one might have logically or otherwise, but we just accept it on faith. That's not, that's not what mystery means in the Bible.

It means something hidden. So what is, what is hidden here?

Okay.

Right.

So he, so he was a mystery and then he was revealed.

Right.

And he's no longer a mystery.

Right.

Or that, that mystery of the gospel is no longer a mystery or sorry, the mystery of Christ. That's the phrase that Ephesians uses.

Yeah.

That's no longer a mystery.

Yeah.

Sorry.

We're going to say something.

Right.

Just as kind of like we become one church, even though like we're different people in different buildings, but we're all the church of Christ.

Right.

Okay.

Yeah. So what, what is our status with Christ in the church? Like what is, what is the relationship between Christ and the church?

Okay.

He's the head. In terms of marriage, what's the, what's the status? The bride and Christ is the groom.

Yeah.

Groom is an important word. He's not, not exactly the husband yet.

Right. Right.

That we are betrothed to Christ. The church is betrothed to Christ. That marriage has not been consummated. The wedding feast has not happened. And so this one flesh union that we experience here on earth is a mystery because what it's referring to is something that has not been revealed yet.

We don't know what it will be like for, we know what it's like to be betrothed. We as a church are betrothed to Christ. We don't know what it's like for the church to actually be married to Christ. So, yeah, there's, it is, it is pretty profound, as Paul says here.

And then in addition, what, something else this tells you, okay, marriage existed when, when in human history did marriage begin existing? Yeah. From the very beginning, before the fall.

Right.

Before the fall.

Before the fall.

And if this refers to Christ and the church, if this refers to some revelation about salvation, what does that say about God's intentions when he created the world and his, his purposes and his plans?

He did not, a lot of people consider this, what we're experiencing now is plan B, right? After, after Adam and Eve screwed everything up, now God's, you know, like fixing everything and trying to figure out how to, you know, well, okay, we can do this other thing now that we can, we can save them through Christ.

That's, that's what we'll do. No, this was, this was actually part of the original plan, even before the fall, was for Christ to be the Redeemer, right? And that is indicated, yeah, that's indicated right here in this passage that, that marriage, this is not just some analogy that Paul is making.

He said, not just, oh, this is an appropriate analogy, like you would use, you know, animals or plants or whatever as some kind of analogy or farming. You see all the parables that Jesus makes, right?

No, marriage is, is given as a, marriage is given as a representation of this, and so it shows God's intentions were there from the beginning, and it gives a high place to, to marriage as being something that both, while withholding some knowledge, reveals much about that relationship of love between Christ and the Church.

Yes.

Sorry, what I'm saying is intended in the beginning is salvation. Salvation was intended from the beginning as revealed by marriage, right? But you're, but if you're asking a different question that's just kind of come up, yeah.

Right, so, okay, so God has given marriage for three purposes that we'll talk about. One of those is legitimate offspring, right? He said, let us create man in our own image, and he made man, and then he wanted them to be fruitful and multiply.

So it is necessary for at least a season that, that this happens in order that there would be a populace that bears his image, right? Now, does that need to continue on forever for God's purposes to be accomplished?

I don't believe so. And then, furthermore, if its purpose finds its telos in Christ and the Church, right, and it's to reveal that and to prepare us for that in some sense, then, then its purpose is accomplished when a legitimate offspring has been produced, a godly offspring according to Malachi 2 .14.

And then on top of that, when, when that, what it is revealing and yet simultaneously hiding details of, you know, that wedding between Christ and the Church, once that is revealed, it has fulfilled its purposes at that point.

Yeah.

I don't believe so, no. Yeah, if they're never, neither given the marriage nor married, right? Yeah, and it's still, it's still the case that it's not good for man to be alone, right? It's still the case it's not good for man to be alone, but once we are dwelling together with Christ and we're together with each other in that way, in that special way that hasn't existed yet, like that will, that will satisfy that need of humanity to not be alone.

That, that is currently not completely satisfied by, you know, just being single. Right, God has called some people to singleness, but it's still, there's still like a lack of idealness with the state of being single, right?

Even if it might be a blessing in some ways for, for God's purposes here in this, you know, fallen world for a temporary period. All right, so, okay, so we're talking about what is marriage, said it's a representation of Christ and the Church.

How else might you define what marriage is? Any other definitions people want to throw out there? It's a covenant, right? It's a, it's a covenant. Yeah, and you know, if you don't spend a lot of time thinking about covenants, it's, it's hard to understand.

And I think this is part of why marriage seems so optional to people now, right? It's like, well, we're already living together, we're already doing this thing, you know? What is, you know, there's not a, yeah, if there's nothing special about a covenant, but that's what it is.

And yeah, I was confused when I was young because I understood, you know, that adultery is wrong and that you shouldn't have premarital sex. And, and I thought that, well, maybe sex constitutes marriage.

And so, like, if someone does not marry the person they sleep with, then that itself is, but Jesus ends up telling the woman at the, at the well that, that she speaks correctly because the one she's with now she's not married to, right?

So it's, it's not the case that sex itself on its own constitutes a marriage, which is what I thought when I was, you know, a youth. And, yeah, so it is, it is a covenant. It's a covenant. A few verses on that.

Proverbs 2 .17 says, speaking of the strange woman, right, the adulterous woman, that she forsakes the friend of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God. Speaking of the friend of her youth being her husband and forgetting the covenant being the covenant that she had made with God about this.

And then Malachi 2 .14 says, yet you say, why? Because Jehovah has been witness between you and the wife of your youth against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and the wife of your covenant.

So, once again, it speaks of marriage as a, as a covenant. So some of the implications are, of a covenant are not just that, you know, there's this, like, locking in of some contract, which is part of it, but also that there are blessings and curses that come with it, right?

The one who does something under a covenant receives additional blessings, receives additional strength in order to do that. You know, if you make a, you see in the Bible where people make vows to God to do something, what their trust, why would they kind of voluntarily put themselves on the hook in that way, right?

The reason why you do that in these situations where it wouldn't be required, for example, for sexual union, something like this, right? Why do you say, well, if you give me this thing, I will do this, you know, or if, yeah, the idea is that, well, God gives people the strength to fulfill their covenant.

He gives them the blessings in being faithful to a covenant, and there are likewise curses for those who do not. So it heightens the stakes on either end, not just the negatives, but also the positives.

One of these days, you know, I've only preached one wedding, but one of these days I'd like to preach as a wedding sermon about Joshua and the Gibeonites. You know, the sun stands still to protect the Gibeonites.

Why?

Because the people had foolishly, they had foolishly made a covenant to protect the Gibeonites, and God gives them the strength to fulfill this by making the sun stand still. And if you think about his willingness to do that for them and that covenant they made, what will he do for, you know, you and your marriage as you're trying to keep it together as you've made vows that you will do this?

If he's made the sun stand still for a covenant, certainly he will give you whatever strength is needed in order to fulfill your vows. And that is, so that is another question. Is a covenant a vow? You know, I'm using that word interchangeably with covenant right now.

Or is it an oath? Does anyone know the difference in the, in our confession it makes a difference? I've kind of struggled to find that distinction made elsewhere, but is anyone familiar with the distinction the covenant, or our confession makes between oaths and vows?

So an oath is to man in the presence of God, right? And a vow is directly to God, right, as opposed to man in the presence of God. And so I've, ever since studying, you know, our church's confession, the 1689 Baptist confession, I've wondered, well, is it marriage and oath then?

Because you're making it to another in the presence of God as opposed to making it to God. But the more I've thought about it, the more I think, no, it really is a vow. Because in an oath, someone can release you from it.

If you pledge something to someone else in the sight of God, they can release you from that. They can forgive you and say, no, you don't have to do this anymore. That's not the case in a marriage, right?

In a marriage, you can't just release someone of their bond voluntarily, right? So in that sense, it really is a vow. It really is something higher than just something you're pledging to another person, horizontally.

On the level, yeah.

And, yeah, and of course it is important to, yeah, to keep the vows. Psalm 15, 4, speaking messianically of Christ, but it holds up the man who swears to his own hurt and does not change, you know, for better or for worse, as it goes, right?

A lot of people only want the for better. They don't want the for worse. Another thought there is, and one of these sessions I think I'll dedicate just to weddings, just to the ceremony itself. But just as a thought here, I think it is a good idea to stick with traditional vows instead of couples writing their own vows.

A lot of times when they write their own vows, it's not a, it doesn't even constitute what you would expect a vow to say, right? It's just a bunch of statements about how they love them, and it's not necessarily encapsulating the commitment that's being made, because people don't necessarily know what a, you know, they don't really know what a vow is.

They just, you know, want something more poetic than what they traditionally hear or something like that. So I would, I would caution against, I'm not saying that it's wrong to use anything other than traditional vows, but I would caution against that and to really know what you're doing if you're going to do that.

And I would say also that don't be surprised if the pastor doing your wedding is not, is not willing to use whatever vows you take.

So, yeah.

All right.

Here, also it's a, it's a covenant that's established for life. This is indicated first by direct statements about death. Romans 7 .2 says, for the woman that has a husband is bound by law to the husband while he lives, but if the husband die, she is discharged from the law, the husband.

First Corinthians 7 .39 says, a wife is bound for so long time as her husband lives, but if the husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she will only in the Lord.

Okay.

So these two statements about death says that someone is free after, after death. You know, a lot of times there's this, people have this sort of jealousy over their spouse such that they want to hold onto their spouse after death, you know, and they, they resent their, the idea that their spouse might move on after, after they die.

That's very, not only is it not fitting with what a marriage is, but yeah, it's very selfish in not understanding some of the purposes of marriage. If you read, now I haven't personally read a lot of these, but I know my wife has different quotes from Puritans where, where a dying spouse would recommend a few candidates to the other, you know, like they really, they really were concerned, you know, for, for the happiness of their, of their spouse.

And then it's also indicated by statements about the afterlife in Matthew 22, 30, which we've already talked about. For in the resurrection, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are as angels in heaven.

And I think it's worth sitting on the context of that one for a minute. Who, who is Jesus talking to when he says that? You all know? Somebody knows.

What's that?

Not quite. Sadducees. Yeah, that's important. And what's, what's the difference between the Pharisees and the Sadducees? Right. They don't believe in the resurrection. They don't believe in the angels.

Yeah, exactly. They're the liberals, right? They're the naturalists. They're the materialists who, and so you think about how confused they are about, you know, they're mocking some of these things and they don't really understand marriage.

They don't understand the afterlife, et cetera. And, and it's all related. You know, it's all related. Boy, that, that speaks to today. You know, why are people so confused about, about marriage and what it is and what, you know, what God's purposes are in these things when they are materialized, materialists who don't believe in, you know, don't believe in angels or spirits or whatever.

The, yeah, you, you can't really understand these things if you don't know the scriptures or the power of God, which is the phrase Jesus uses when he speaks to the Sadducees and tells them they don't understand these things.

Yeah.

And then also as indicated by his hatred of divorce, if it's not, if it's not for life, why would there be the continuing commitment? And, by the way, if anyone hears me as arguing for a permanency or anything like that, that's not what I'm saying.

I'm just saying that under, yeah, that it, it can be broken prior to death, but that it is not ideal circumstances that would lead it to be broken prior, prior to death. Malachi 2 .16, for I hate putting away, says Jehovah, the God of hosts, and him that covers his garment with violence, says Jehovah of hosts.

Therefore, take heed to your spirit, that you deal not treacherously.

All right.

And then Matthew 19 .6, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh, what therefore God has joined together, let no man put apart.

All right.

So, okay, so it's a covenant, that it is a vow that is made for life, and it is not, it's not a sacrament. Does anyone know why the Roman Catholic Church? I think this is the reasoning, or I think this is the historical reason why this came about, why the Roman Catholic Church speaks of marriage as a sacrament.

So, when Jerome translated the Latin Vulgate, which is the, the book the church used for many, many years, and many Roman Catholic churches still use, that translation of the mystery, mysterium, or whatever the Latin word would be, he used the word sacramentum.

Right?

And so, if you're reading your Latin Bible, and that's all you're working with, and you're not working with Greek and Hebrew, as many people weren't for a long time, you know, you see, oh, it's a sacrament.

But, yeah, it's, a sacrament is something that is ordained, we use it to refer to something that is specifically ordained by Christ as a means of grace. And this is, you know, as a blessing for the church, and this is not, this does not meet the definition of marriage.

And I've talked to, I've talked to Roman Catholics about this, or like Roman Catholic teachers about this, and, you know, they'll usually say something along the lines of, well, you know, Christ is, he's, Jesus is part of the Trinity, so God instituted marriage, therefore Christ instituted it.

But, yeah, but that's not really how we use the term. We're using, you know, we're talking about Christ and his earthly ministry, ordaining, you know, communion, ordaining baptism. And, it's also not something particularly for the church, it is for everyone, right?

Marriage is a creation ordinance, marriage is blessed for people of all, yeah, of all, I don't want to just say all faiths, because that sounds weird. But basically, even people have never heard the truth, right?

That marriage is still good for them, it's just part of the, it's part of the natural order, it's part of what God created. When I was young, because I grew up in a church where I always heard, you know, God has to be at the center of your marriage, he has to be at the center of your marriage, I heard that so many times, which is, it's true, like, if you want a happy marriage, he should be.

But, I heard that so many times that I thought that marriage without God at the center of it was an illegitimate marriage, and that unbelievers shouldn't marry, marriage was only for Christians. No, that's not the case, marriage between unbelievers is still a legitimate marriage.

And not only is it legitimate, it is something that is good for them and those societies to pursue. Let's see, I have a quote from Zwingli that I thought was pretty good. He says, marriage is a most holy thing, it is not made any more holy or any clearer by it being called a sacrament, but darker and less clear.

For everybody knows what wedlock is, but hardly anybody knows what a sacrament is.

Yes?

Right.

Our marriages are going to be more God-honoring, right? There's a way that we're representing Christ in the church better if we are living godly lives that are truly loving and truly submitting, etc.

And then, also Malachi 2 .14 says that one of the purposes of marriage is godly offspring.

Right?

You cannot produce godly offspring if you're not raising them up in the faith. So, there are senses in which a Christian marriage is more God-honoring. That's very important, but no, yeah, I would disagree with that.

That marriage is given to all, like I said, it's part of creation. I'll get to you in a second. It's part of creation, and then on top of that, it's part of the Noahic Covenant. And this is something that I think that, you know, just over the past few years, I've just realized the importance of the Noahic Covenant in understanding things.

So, the Noahic Covenant is given to all of creation. This is after the fall, we're reestablishing the rules of engagement. It's going to work a little bit similar to how creation did originally, but there's going to be some new things.

And if you think about, if you think about some things that would be difficult to explain apart from God-giving, like a new set of, you know, a new covenant with creation. For example, you know, incest.

Right?

Like incest, marriage between brother and sister. Scripture forbids that. Our confession forbids it. And it's pretty clear from nature that that's not going to work out well for you.

Right?

If you marry your brother or sister. But then, you know, in Genesis 1 and 2, who are Adam's and Eve's children marrying?

Right?

They're marrying brothers and sisters. There's nothing wrong with that at the time. There's something, there's a new order that's established in Genesis 9 as the people walk out of the ark. And so, that's just one thought that Scripture doesn't speak a whole lot to, but it lets you know, there really did need to be, like, kind of a new order established after the ark.

And these are some of the things he says. And God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, be fruitful and multiply and fill.

The earth.

So, we have that statement said again. Like, this is still the case. This is good. The fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth and upon a bird of heavens, upon everything that creeps on the ground and all the fish in the sea.

Into your hand they are delivered. So, slightly different phrasing on that. Maybe a little more hostility set up between man and animals than it was before. And then he gives animals as food, whereas before he had only given plants as food.

But then he makes some restrictions on that. You can't eat flesh with its life, that is its blood. And then on top of that, I'm establishing the death penalty. Whoever sheds blood by man, his blood shall be shed.

So, you know, now we're going to have rules about when it is permissible to, for man to take another man's life in retribution. And so that's establishing, you know, like an authority for government. Whereas before, you didn't have any kind of establishing that sort of authority.

Except for perhaps, Klein has a really excellent paper on Genesis, is it four? Yeah, Genesis four. And the statement made to Cain about, you know, the retribution coming on anyone who takes his hand to Cain and takes his life.

So there's some kind of provision made before, it's not as clear. But in Genesis nine, there's this new order established. And marriage is still part of that new order. And who is this for? You know, it's right for all kinds of peoples to eat meat, not just Christians, right?

And not just believers. It's right for all kinds of people to have governments that establish justice, right? Not just us. And the same thing for marriage. It's right for all kinds of people to have marriage.

And you be fruitful and multiply, increase greatly on the earth and multiply in it.

Charles, right?

Yeah, that is a really good question. So, several things. First of all, I don't know what they do. Like, I agree with you, I don't know what they do. I wouldn't be surprised if they do have a traditional vow to God.

And they ask people to put their hand on the Bible. And then the people have the opportunity to decline. It wouldn't surprise me if that were still the case. Let's see, what else did I want to say about that?

Yeah, so sometimes people will opt for other things. There are some groups like Quakers that won't take any vow, right? And I don't know what formula they have to say to show that they're serious about it.

But, yeah, and then there's those people who will put their hands on the Quran or on a science book or whatever.

Yes?

Someone was recently sworn into some high office by putting their hand on a science book. There might have been that, too. I think there was a science book recently. Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, let me answer that in just a second.

So, just one more thing about whether or not that would constitute a real marriage. You know, if they're making vows but not to the true God.

Right?

So Jesus answers that in Matthew 5.

He says,.

So this is where Quakers get the idea that you shouldn't swear at all. Later on in 2 Corinthians 1, Paul says,. And then he says,. And so he goes on to swear right after saying that his yes was yes and his no was no.

So what Jesus is talking about here is a practice of swearing by something other than God. Okay, so this is the answer. What is the case of one who swears by the temple? Are they a little less bound to that?

Et cetera.

Right?

And the answer is that, no, it's the case when someone swears by these other things. They're still swearing by God. They're still swearing by his footstool. Everything on earth is his. And so they are still bound to keep that covenant, even if they are swearing by something false or something less and think that they can get away with it.

So, no, I believe that those are still legitimate marriages, even those who are swearing by some unknown God. And I think that would be, I think you would see that in Scripture. Because, you know, these people are swearing to Zeus or whatever, you know, I think you would encounter them resisting these illegitimate marriages.

But the Bible seems to treat these marriages of unbelievers as legitimate. Well, sorry, there's a lot of queued up things here. So your question was about renewing. Yeah, so with renewing your vows, there could be cause for it.

I would hesitate to do that in any way that would suggest that the original was not legitimate.

Right?

And I think that's what a lot of people are doing when they do it, is they're ending up denigrating the original one. No, there's nothing wrong with renewing vows in general. You know, I do believe that's what communion is.

Each week you make a vow in baptism and then you renew it each week in communion. So there's nothing wrong with renewing an oath or a vow. However, you would want there to be good cause. You know, I could see if there was a case of adultery or something and that the couple wanted to stay together instead of getting divorced and they decided to solemnize that by renewing their vows.

That would make sense to me. But I wouldn't, yeah, I wouldn't do that kind of thing rashly. Looks like Solomon's got a question over there.

Christopher?

Right, yeah. So only a Christian marriage is going to produce godly offspring, like I said.

Right?

The Christian marriage is honoring God. The thing is, like, I guess one way of asking what you're asking, I think, would be if there's two unbelievers and they're thinking about marrying, would it be more in line with God's law or more pleasing if they didn't get married?

Is that kind of what you're asking?

Oh, okay.

It is.

Right.

I think marriage is still a blessing to others. I think that it can produce good things, but not, but yeah, as far as something that would be of any eternal benefit for them, no. Yeah, yeah. None of that can be had apart from Christ.

Yeah, common grace. That's a good term here. Yeah, there's one more passage in Matthew that I think is really important to this idea of oaths still being, or vows still being binding, even if they are not by the true God.

Woe to you blind guides. This is Matthew 23. Woe to you blind guides who say if anyone swears by the temple, it is nothing, but if anyone swears by the gold of the temple, he is bound to his oath. You blind fools, for which is greater, the gold or the temple that has made the gold sacred?