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Well, we've been talking about as I began this series, I don't know a few months ago called enemies within the walls and You know, it has a number of layers to it one is within the church and another is within our homes and I think even as we talked about forgiveness lack of forgiveness one of the most difficult things that we face is Our capacity or lack of capacity for forgiving one another and for Really coming to grips with what that means Putting our sins or the sins of others behind us and we gave the example of You know it if the scripture says and it does that God separates Our sin from us as far as East is from the West if we're in Christ Jesus, and the idea is Using anthropomorphic language.
I don't want anyone to think that I am Heretical here, but if God were here looking this way He would only see us and if you were looking that way he would see our sin. And that's the idea that he doesn't see us and our sin together.
That's the concept and it really is important for us to To put that together and when we look at the next issue which was Tongue the things that we say the ways we sin together where their tongue, and I think We began that last week just talking about some of the ways that we fail and Instead how we ought to be speaking if we look at it this way.
The Bible says in Ephesians chapter 4 that we are to Tear down one another with our tongues. We're to shred one another With verbal violence, I think I just created that I Took a class one of the things they did in the sheriff's department as they introduced this concept of verbal judo.
Which was the idea was you know if somebody said something to you that you would take anybody know the basic principle of judo Using the force of someone else against them in other words somebody comes rushing at you well You know in karate.
Maybe you you know boom boom boom boom. You know give them a couple of chops and put them down on the ground well judo. They come running at you, and you go you want to run at me, and you go whoo-hoo have at it keep going so the idea is you use that against them and With verbal judo we would learned techniques.
Some of which I I want to repeat. But but the idea was that you would kind of take somebody's words and just let them pass by you and let them go. And we don't really see that in the Bible what we see instead is instead of Cutting people down instead of putting them down instead of even verbal judo letting them go.
We are told to edify one another we're told to build one another up. But we started looking at some of the ways that we sin last week With our tongues and let's turn to James chapter 3 again. We got to that just at the end.
Let me just while you're turning there. You know the three principles I gave for an edifying speech that our speech should be well intended or gracious. It should be well chosen Seasoned with salt and it should be well aimed that we should look to Address our language to the particular need of each person.
But now in James 1 or James 3 we see something Different and he begins by talking about teachers, and it really is a thread that runs through all this. But there are principles that we can all apply. Listen as I read James 3 verses 1 to 10.
Not many of you should become teachers my brothers for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. There is a Greater weight a burden for those who teach. Look at verse 2 for we all stumble in many ways.
And this is true even of teachers, and if anyone does not stumble in what he says He is a perfect man able also to bridle or control or to harness his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us we guide their whole bodies as well.
Look at the ships also. Though they are large so large and are driven by strong winds. They are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member yet it boasts of great things.
How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire and the tongue is a fire a World of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members. Staining the whole body setting on fire the entire course of life and set on fire by hell.
For every kind of beast and bird of reptile and sea creature Can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no human being can tame the tongue. Can I just make a point there when you go to the zoo? You'll see all kinds of animals there ought to be a cage for the tongue, but you can't put one there Can't be tamed.
No human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God from the same mouth.
Come blessing and cursing. My brothers these things ought not to be so one man says this he says nothing could be more distressing to a community or more divisive than bickering and mutual verbal abuse a War of words especially if the teachers of the community are those doing the sniping.
James points out how inconsistent and evil such behavior is and Even suggests that it may be an indication that the people in question are not as inspired by God's Spirit as they may think. This is true of teachers, but it's true of all of us.
We are to Control our tongues, but it's not easy. It's easier to be led by our tongue. And we're going to talk about that in some at some length here today. Kissed marker says a relatively small bit controls a large animal, right?
It's no big deal to control a horse if you know what you're doing if the bits in his mouth. Why you know what does a bit do we talk about a bit? What does a bit do? Ever think about that. What does spurs do why do people dig spurs in the side of a horse to make them go faster?
Well, what is it that causes them to go faster? It's Pain, what is it that causes the horse to go this way or that way? Well, it's not because he just goes. Oh you want me to go this way. I'll go this way.
It's because he's learned that in response to Pain you had to go this way or that way. It's a little bit of pain. If then man controls powerful horses with small bits placed in their mouths. He certainly should be able to control his own tongue.
Kissed marker says. Now I want to put the accent on should he should be able to control his own tongue, but what's the truth? Truth is it's not that easy. The tongue is a little member blah blah, okay, let's see what MacArthur says here.
Yeah, this is really good. He says that it is said to be set on fire by hell. Indicates that the tongue can be Satan's tool fulfilling hell's purposes to pollute corrupt and destroy. It is unbelievably dangerous and destructive.
Talking about our mouths our words our tongue. Using another figure of death and destruction the psalmist says of those who misuse their tongues his speech was smoother than butter. But his heart was war.
His words were softer than oil yet. They were drawn swords. Another point the psalmist says behold they belch forth with their mouth. Swords are in their lips. We see all this kind of violent imagery having to do with the with the tongue.
Psalm 5464 -3 says. And those who have sharpened their tongue like a sword they aimed bitter speech as their arrow. MacArthur concludes by saying. Even mature believers know that in their remaining fleshly humanness their tongues still have great power to devastate and therefore need constant guarding and Control.
One more thing then I want to open this up to some practical issues. One more comment here. But even one man says but even though man has retained his dominion over all kinds of animals and He has lost control of himself.
We have dominion over animals. But no dominion over ourselves. When he says no man can tame the tongue. James is saying that no man By himself can subdue the tongue that is not to say God cannot bring it under control.
While the tongue cannot be controlled by man the tongue of the regenerate person Can be controlled by the indwelling Holy Spirit, you know, what's a fruit of the spirits? Self-control, so when someone says I can't help it.
What are they really saying? What's that? I have no self-control, which means what? They should be examining themselves to see if they're even in the faith. If you say well, I I can't help it. You know, my mouth just runs wild.
Yeah, exactly a baby's mouth might run wild but not everybody's now listen. I have some Issues here that I I I mean maybe more will come up, but I just thought these were some pretty interesting things here.
Some observations from me when you start a conversation with these phrases I Would suggest you might want to think about not starting the conversation. I know I'll regret saying this or how about this one?
Maybe I shouldn't say anything. Maybe you shouldn't. If you're gonna start your conversation with those you're probably right you probably shouldn't say anything. How about this idea when you're responding to someone and you're hurt?
You're angry. You're emotional. What what do you think would be the right thing to do when you say, you know what? I'm really troubled. I'm really mad. I'm really upset. I'm really whatever. And someone says something to you and they're waiting for a response.
What do you think you should do? What's that? Not respond. It's probably a good one. What's that? Wait, I really big on that. If you think well what I'm about to say is going to start an argument what I'm about to say I probably shouldn't say what I'm about to say.
Fill in the blank. You know what I what I what I say is going to hurt this person what I say is just going to indicate My own hurts. I mean are there times to do that? Yes, but I Think there are plenty of times where we should just not say anything at all.
How about this one? You say something to somebody and it hurts them and so you go what's the big cover? Well, that would be one, right? Yes, it hurt but that's the truth. So take it like a man. You could say that Bruce I Didn't mean to hurt you.
Okay. Well, then would you say it for I? Didn't mean to hurt you. Well, it indicates to me that maybe you didn't think through what you were gonna say. Here's one. How about this one? I Was only joking.
I Was only kidding. I'm sorry that crushed you and made you roll over and start crying, but I was only a joke. Lighten up. It's the Bible address that Look at Proverbs 26 Proverbs 26 verses 18 and 19 and with somebody read that please.
I mean there were so many verses in the Proverbs about The way we should speak that I couldn't even I can't even come close to using them while they were like I think in may whose book on Proverbs. I think I read about six or seven pages full of Proverbs Proverbs 26 18 and 19.
Yeah, go ahead Tom. So obviously I'm only joking that just covers everything up. If you want to be in a madman who throws firebrands and arrows and death bulky says of the the verb deceive. Shows that the jester the Joker Intends to harm his neighbor.
He is a fool for whom villainy is like the pleasure of laughter. That's Proverbs 1023 he's not merely a prankster or a practical Joker. He condemns himself by his self quotation to explain his behavior for his question betrays his meanness and cynicism.
He goes on to say the cruel buffoon cannot discern the difference between a joke and cruelty. And I have to tell you I mean this is. Actually, I think this is really Closer to the truth about where I was before God saved me than anything else because I Mean.
I may have said I'm only joking or it's only a joke or can't you take a joke? But the truth is I was out to crush people. They don't care you don't care when you're in that mode. You do not care about other people.
You know your goal is to score points. It's like you know the rodeo Rider who ropes the ropes the calf and throws his hands up in the air. You've roped them. You've got the you've got the victory you throw your hands up in victory.
But as Christians, that's not how we should behave. That's not how we should speak again. Said this last week. You know talked about the delay, but again I I would just urge you to think about what Ephesians 4 says you know our words should be edifying well.
What does it mean to be edifying means to build up? What is a joke. Well if I'm having a laugh at your expense, it's meant to cut you down. It's not edifying is what I'm about to say going to edify the person.
I'm saying it to. If not, then I have to wonder why I'm saying it. Any thoughts on that or questions. I thought somebody was gonna come at me with a joke, but I guess not. How about this this. Yeah Carol.
Okay, and and that would be Entirely appropriate she says what about a situation of exhortation already week. I guess we could even say correction, and I'm going to get to that. Just not this morning probably.
We will get to that. Because I know it's in my notes because I know I know I did want to talk about that. But we'll we'll get to that, but yeah, that's it. That's an excellent question. Is it okay? You know if somebody needs correction, or they need to be exhorted in a particular area is that wrong?
No, it's still building up because your your thinking is not I want to tear this person down. It's I want to help them. They've got a wrong idea. They've got they've been involved in something wrong. They've said something wrongly, and I want to help them understand That their thinking was not right.
That's not tearing them down. That's that is edifying so excellent question other thoughts or questions. Okay, here's a. This is this is a steve-ism or so I thought until I found it in Proverbs that that happens a lot.
I Thought I thought it was an original thought that I was the first. It takes two to argue it takes two to argue and and you know what people will say. You know he started it or whatever, but you know what if you don't respond.
The argument usually doesn't go in at I mean listen I'm not I'm not really boasting in fact I do a lot of negative talking about myself during this, but I will say that the one thing I learned during 21 years on the job.
Being a deputy sheriff is it generally speaking it almost in most situations. I mean there were times did I have to like Verbally overpower somebody yes. But most of the time here's here's an example.
This is how it would go some some guy would be yelling at me. And I would just walk up to him, and I'd say you know I'd stand like this and I'd go in this voice. Why are you yelling at me? I'm not yelling oh I'm sorry.
That'd be the next thing. I say why because I'm refusing to meet their You know level of force with equal force, and so they're just like oh. When you realize that what you're saying is not appropriate to the situation most people will respond in some form of Embarrassment or you know they'll scale down.
Now if you if they're at level you know we like to Policemen like to talk in levels you know one to ten what level of force did you use well? I'd say it was an eight point seven five on the Richter scale.
In other words it would shatter windows break buildings, whatever. It if they're at a level Seven and I come in at a level three. Then the odds are real good that they're gonna come down if they're at level seven and I go to level eight then what do they?
Do nine and then we're at level ten and then You know Armageddon, and it may not be verbal listen where Proverbs 26 verses 20 and 21 says and this May have a slightly different meaning, but the way I'm reading it here.
It's exactly on point. Proverbs 26 verses 20 to 21 For lack of wood the fire goes out and where there is no whisperer. Quarreling ceases in other words. That's somebody who's Slandering as charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire so as a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.
You want to fight? Be quarrelsome. You want to know why you get into arguments. Well, maybe it's because you're argumentative. We say that again you want to know why you get into arguments. Maybe it's because you're argumentative.
It is really hard for two people to fight when one person will not fight any other thoughts on that. Comments questions. Somebody want to argue okay? I'm giving you your shot. Go ahead. Well, you know.
With with a Greek you have to you have to go up to 11, so that's just I think if you if you think back Over your life, and you think about the times that you've had to say and by the way I know I've said this.
I hate it when people say I'm sorry and the reason I hate it is because for the 14th 15th time it's because it's so passive. But we get into the habit of doing that right we just say I'm sorry. Well it requires no response.
So let's just let's just clarify it or straighten it out and say think about all the times in your life I'll give you the benefit of the doubt where you've gone and asked somebody for forgiveness. Why did you have to ask for forgiveness?
What's that? You did something wrong, but I would I'm gonna guess I'm gonna put the figure it like I'll just make it up 90 because I like to make numbers up. You 90 of the time it's not something necessarily that you did it was something that you Said you want somebody to think that you are really sweet and nice and kind and wonderful.
One of the secrets would be. Say less. Now let's just kind of take our fingers collectively and sort of put it in the wound and just press a little bit. We have difficulties at home. Sin in the home. May I suggest that most of the time it's tied to how we speak to one another.
Let's just think about some of the commandments. Honor your mother and your father. Now it's true children can Fail to honor their mother and father by what they do, right? You know there's a long-standing thing that you have to ask mom and dad before you take the car.
And you just take the car anyway. You've told mom and dad that you won't do this or that or the other thing you just do it. Anyway, you told them you were gonna go to Billy's house, and you actually you know we're somewhere else.
Okay, those are things that well even that would involve the tongue but most of the time. How do kids rebel against their parents? How do they fail to honor them? It's by what they? Say I mean some of the things that.
Especially teenage young people say to their parents are actually kind of shocking and these days. There there are very few restraints in worldly homes. But again, let's just think about that how do we fail to honor our mother and father mostly by what we say.
Now let's make it a little harder. Husbands. In what ways do you fail to love your wives? Well, it's true by our attitudes and by our actions. We fail to do that. But I think a lot of times it's by what we say a lot of the comments in Homes are you know I can't believe you did this and You know well that was really stupid.
I mean how many times if you just sit back, and you replay the things that are said that you've heard said. You know certainly not in your homes, but in other people's homes. How do we fail to love our wives.
Well, you know what it's in My wife sometimes. I mean she might get a little tired of me. I mean, I'm sure I sin with my mouth against her. I'm not gonna say that I don't. But she might get tired of me Boasting about her or saying great things to her.
Well, why would I do that. Am I lying am I just being dishonest? No. Because she really is great. But I'm emphasizing the positive. Why would I want to do that. Because it's easy to pick on the negative things.
If you were to walk if you were to just follow yourself around all day long and point out all the negative things that you probably Wouldn't even like yourself very much. So just imagine if you're just following your spouse around or you know during the course of your conversations, you're always Correcting them putting out there their lackings.
Their failings you know all the things that they do wrong. You know can't you even sort the mail whatever it is. You know whatever little things we like to find to pick on one another for. Imagine how your husband or wife feels at the end of the day Bruce.
It really does. You know and the same things. Well, I mean just think about what you said. You know. It's good to have a boss that wants to build you up that wants to stress the positive, you know. And that encourages you and everything else.
We like that kind of boss and then we go home. We want to talk to our wives in a completely different way. I can't believe you burnt the meatloaf. By the way, I don't even like meatloaf. What are you doing serving meatloaf?
Guess we're calling out for pizza again now wives. You are to submit to your own husbands. Obviously, that's a hard attitude and it has a lot to do with your actions. But what about the way you Speak to your husbands.
I mean if let's just put it this way, you know, one of the one of the things I had I had a sergeant at one point. This was later on in my career and. And He gave me my own evaluation to write when you're.
And I did not want to do that, you know. And so I wrote it and I thought I was pretty honest and I gave myself, you know I won't tell you what I what I gave myself and he goes he Came back to me later and he gave me something completely different.
He said you were way too hard on yourself. And he gave me a better evaluation. Well, I wonder you know this would go for the husbands too, but for the wives, you know. Just think if you were to follow yourself around and evaluate yourself on submitting to your husband.
How you you know, not just obviously we'd like to transform the heart. We would like to submit from the heart and that really would be the ideal. But what does it say to your husband when you can't submit to him with what you say?
If you're not submitting in your speech to him, then he already knows that your heart is not submissive. Husbands love your wives. Wives submit to your own husbands. Most of the difficulties we have in our homes.
I think come from the way we speak to others. Oh, here is my note. I I hand wrote it because I came up with it last night after I'd printed this out. Let's turn to Matthew chapter 7 and I know this is one we've Discussed before but this goes right with what Carol was saying right after the Unbelievers favorite verse.
Matthew 7 1 judge not that you be not judged. Verse 2 for with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Verse 3. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye?
But do not notice the log that is in your own eye or how can you say to your brother? Let me take that speck out of your eye. When there is the log in your own eye you hypocrite first. Take the log out of your own eye and then you will see clearly how to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
And how does that? Come about well, it is good to exhort to correct one another to come alongside one another. Encourage one another to love and good works. But before we do that, we need to take our own little inventory, you know, if I want to say to my wife, you know, honey.
You're getting a little cynical and a little sarcastic. It's probably gonna take weeks before I say that to her because I've got some. I've got to do some examination there. It's good to examine ourselves.
Make sure that we're thinking rightly and make sure that you know, if someone if I come to Someone and I say, you know, you need to watch this that or the other thing and they say to me. Well, yeah, what about you Steve?
I saw you do blah blah blah blah. Well, then I didn't obey this. I didn't obey the Lord's words. I didn't remove the beam from my own eye before I worried about the speck and somebody else's and I think we're especially In families and in homes we're Pretty quick to do that sometimes to correct other people and not think well I do that all the time.
Or I may do it a little bit differently, but I do that. We need to correct our own behavior, too We'll just do a couple of these here Proverbs concerning our own speech and. And and this really is good me we'll just close on on this one.
Proverbs 17 27 be 27 and 28. Proverbs 17 27 and 28 who would read that please? Proverbs 17 27 and 28 Murdoch and of course everybody knows why I like this because of the cool spirit part. It's cool.
Very cool. Oh bad.
Walkie says that Egyptians use the words hot and cool in a metaphorical sense to talk about two different personality types. And we understand that right we have the Greek the hot Mediterranean passionate and the cool detached wasp ish guy up front.
What's so funny? This idea of being cool really represents the ideal person he's calm Without passion and the ideal mouth which speaks Prudently that was Waltke who said that want to speak prudently. Another commentator says this so the instruction is that to gain composure and restrain?
And restraint one must develop knowledge and understanding which is interesting. What he's saying here is the more that you know The more Bible, you know the more knowledge you have about yourself about God about who you are before God.
Then your language will be restrained you'll say less, but when you do speak it will matter. I talked last week About dr. Roscoe. I was even thinking about him last night and I'm just like there there is nobody in my life where I can think of somebody who it's just like when EF Hutton speaks when Dr.. Roscoe speaks.
It's going to matter you know you just you want to listen why. Because you know that gracious words are about to come out and and You're going to be edified silence. Another man says is one evidence of wisdom, and I like this part even a fool appears wise in silence at least he conceals his folly his foolishness by keeping silent a Fool who takes this advice is no longer a complete fool.
Kidner says he does not of course become wise he just hides his foolishness if you are a fool. The best way to conceal it is what to keep your mouth closed as soon as you open it up you Remove any doubt about whether you're a fool or not.
Proverbs 21 23 says whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue in other words Constrains them controls them keeps himself out of trouble. How true is that? I'm going to talk more about this next week, but think about this how many times have you?
Said something that you regretted and whether it's a work at home School whatever. It is site. You know if I just hadn't said anything. I'd be way ahead of where I am now. I'm having to dig myself out of this hole.
There are very few situations in life where you can find that saying nothing. Gets you into more trouble than saying something. Now there are examples. You know like if your wife says to you you know.
Tell me again why you married me. Silence is not the right answer. You know so what do you think of? This wonderful gift I made for you. You know it's one thing if she bought something. You know it was on sale.
I didn't know if you'd like it something like that, but if she says you know. Secretly for the last six months. I've been making this when you've been out of the house. What do you think? Silence is not a good answer.
Sorry as that wouldn't be good. It's really really important, and I cannot stress this enough, and if I say it once I'll say it a thousand times, and it's fine because it bears repeating. If you just either take two seconds and say what's gonna happen when I say this or take two seconds and ask yourself.
Is what I'm about to say edifying. If you just do that. So many less holes to dig yourself out of Charlie. Yeah, and that's that's exactly right. That's a nice paraphrase of the of the Proverbs, right?
When you. Sometimes when you open your mouth you remove all doubt that you are in fact a fool. Well, let's pray. Father we just thank you for your word. Thank you for The instruction that it gives us on how to conduct ourselves.
The practical application of daily life. Lord we are Sinners we sin in many ways. But many of the sins that we commit are with our mouths which really give evidence of what's in our hearts in our minds.
Father I pray for each one here that we would. Think of who we are in light of the cross that we would learn to yield to the Spirit to control our tongues. To think about how we might build one another up rather than tearing down.
To think how we might glorify Christ by what we say. Lord, let us speak no empty or vain words, but to count them all as precious and as opportunities to to Praise you. Father we would pray for these things and pray for our growth in all these areas in Jesus name.
Amen.