Enemies Within The Walls: Failing To Reconcile (part 4)

Bethlehem Bible Church

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Our Father in heaven, we come before you this morning blessed, blessed and thankful, thankful that you are a saving

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God, a preserving God, a God who grants grace even to the last moment of our life.

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Father, we come before you and would ask for your blessing on our time as we look at relationships, relationships within the church.

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Father, how we ought to view ourselves and others in light of the riches of Christ Jesus that have been lavished upon us.

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Would you bless our time in Christ's name, amen. Well you know

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I was just talking to Guido and Guido and just thinking what

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Guido Junior said to me was he said you know at the end of Sarah's life he said the doctor kept saying you know if you have anything to say you need to say it now, if you need to kind of forgive her for anything now's the time to do it and he goes why would you know

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I need to forgive my mom for anything and in fact you know just the life that Sarah lived and I thought what a blessing that is.

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But there are times or there are situations where you know that kind of instruction

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I can understand and you know I think situations like that it's good to resolve things but why leave them till that time but sometimes we do but we've been solving or we've been talking about how to resolve conflict over these last several weeks and just to kind of briefly review some of the things we've talked about and a lot of these ideas come from the

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Bible but Ken Sandy has helpfully compiled a really helpful outline for this.

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Just talking about getting the log out of your own eye when you think you need to go talk to somebody and resolve the differences between the two of you.

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It's biblical Matthew 7 says you know get the log, inspect yourself, worry about your own sin rather than the sin of the other person first and I think that's helpful in so many ways because we need to go with a clear conscience to somebody else.

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If they come back to you and they say well what about you then you need to be able to give an answer for that otherwise you're going to just get into an argument about it.

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Talks about having an attitude of gentleness you want to gently restore somebody.

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You want to have a right attitude about it. We've talked about whether or not it's a sin whether the issue is a sin whether it's just something it's a difference of opinion but even that I would say you know what there are times when a difference of opinion is something that you ought to try to hash out if it's going to cause separation between the two of you.

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We talked about the urgency of being reconciled about the importance of it and I even mentioned last week about how when

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Jesus said that if you found yourself about to make an offering that you should leave your gift at the altar if there's somebody if somebody has something against you and and the commentator said that that would that would mean several days journey probably about four or five days journey back home to get forgiveness before you can go back another four or five days to actually give your offering and he says the reason or what that shows what it emphasizes is how important restoring right relationships is and so we need to be focused on that kind of thing.

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Then we started talking about being prepared for unreasonable people. People don't always respond well and I would say that that's especially true in places like the workplace.

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You know you can't expect people to respond rightly if you try to deal with them.

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Hopefully things are better in your home. Hopefully things are better in the church but they aren't always and we are we stopped at at that but let's just kind of we'll just pick it up there.

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One of the things Sandy says is a Christian should never close the Bible when you try to resolve a conflict but do not see the results your you desire you should seek

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God more earnestly through prayer the study of his word and the counsel of his church as you do so it is essential to keep your focus on Christ and all that he has done for you again.

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It's just so important to see this through the lens of how God has forgiven me and how

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I ought to then look on other people if we if we just think of ourselves as and I think

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I think we know this we think of ourselves as better than somebody else. The whole relationship is going to be tainted if we think of ourselves as rightly less than they are then then we'll be thinking rightly as we go into it.

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Let's go to Romans chapter 12 and let's read verses 14 to 21

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Romans chapter 12 verses 14 and 21 and would somebody read that please

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Romans chapter 12 14 to 21. Yeah go ahead.

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Thank you I think so often you know we we tend to focus on one or two parts of that and not the whole thing but if we just think how how could life be better within our homes how could life be better within the church how could life be better everywhere you know at work or whatever if we take these principles and we just think this is how

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I want to live my life whether it's with believers or unbelievers I want to look for those who are maybe not so popular and hang out with them

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I was thinking this morning about how you know and I've heard this analogy before most of us

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I think we're in high school most of us I skipped out no no that's not true we're in high school and how often kind of high school life seems similar to church life little cliques form little friendships form and you know some people are isolated or whatever you just think well is that the way it should be well first of all

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I just think it's not the way it should be even in a high school and and now I look back and I think all the cool kids

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I read their Facebook pages and I go a lot of those cool kids had pretty sad lives so maybe they weren't so cool

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I don't know but there shouldn't be a cool class at church certainly not but he pulls

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I forgot his name he pulls some principles out of this passage

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Romans 12 and let's just think about this here for a few moments when it comes to resolving conflict when it comes to restoring relationships control your tongue bless those who curse you it's easy to respond to someone who says something angrily towards you or kind of nasty towards you or they insult you with an insult it's harder to do what to not respond second principle he pulls out here is seek godly advisors identify with others and do not become isolated

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I think it's good to get godly counsel in most situations then he says keep doing what is right you always want to do that recognize your limits instead of retaliating stay within proper biblical channels and he says use the ultimate weapon what's the ultimate weapon the word of god okay

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I think he's gonna Mr. Sandy's gonna disagree with you well

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I think this is a principle drawn from scripture so I think he's okay agape focused love is what he says deliberate focused love you know what

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I've said it this way before you know it's hard to be in an argument with someone who won't argue back with you how much harder is it if you want to throw invectives insults you know all kinds of slights at somebody and all they do is do what respond in love now it's possible to keep on being brutal to somebody

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I mean this is how the Lord died right what did he do he didn't defend himself you know etc etc sir and they still took him to the cross but I think for the most part most people at some point their conscience will kind of hit them and they'll go you know what what

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I'm doing is not appropriate to quote my three year old granddaughter that's no appropriate they'll get it you know it will click usually usually not always but usually sandy goes on he says at the very least these steps will protect you from being consumed by the acid of your own bitterness and resentment if others continue to oppose you and in some cases

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God may eventually use such actions to bring another person to repentance how would that work exactly well it's in the example

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I just gave or was kind of giving if you're acting a particular way or someone's acting

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I'll flip it around if someone's acting a particular way towards you and you're showing kindness and love and forgiveness and forbearance eventually their conscience will afflict them and they will repent they will have a change of mind they will recognize that what they're doing is wrong in dealing with unreasonable people now he gives a couple other steps on what you might do if someone is not being reasonable if they won't repent the first thing he suggests is get help from above what he supposedly means by that prayer if you are committed to restoring a relationship with somebody within the body of Christ and you're praying for them and you're reading scripture and you are showing them love

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I would suggest this if you are consistently kind and nice and loving towards somebody and they are consistently acerbic and bitter and angry and mean and nasty towards you then what ultimately might we conclude about this other person what's that they're not saved and we're going to go into that a little bit more as we as we look at the next principle about love but we'll get there in a little bit here

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I mean it's pretty hard to see somebody I mean do you know a

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Christian who is consistently downcast bitter cynical

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I hate to even say that word because I can be a little bit cynical but do you know somebody who's consistently like that if you do then

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I think there's reason to wonder about whether that person knows Christ or not why would I say that how can you be pardoned from a death penalty and not be joyful Bruce it's not exhibiting the fruits of the spirit when we read

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Galatians 5 we don't say the fruits of the spirit are cynicism bitterness it's just not there in fact those are you know the works of the devil those are those are exactly the opposite of the fruit of the spirit and some people might say well you know how do

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I know isn't that being judgmental Sandy says this and I think this is good if we if we just focus on this for a moment and this is something we know or ought to know the good news is that God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life believing in Jesus means more than being baptized going to church or trying to be a good person none of these activities can erase the sins you've already committed and will continue to commit throughout your life believing in Jesus means first of all admitting that you are a sinner acknowledging that there is no way you can earn

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God's approval by your own works and second it means that Jesus paid the full penalty for your sins so if you've been pardoned ought you to not act like a person who's been pardoned absolutely the second thing that Sandy recommends is get help from the church get help from the church you want help from above you pray for that person you read scripture and here's what you don't want to do by the way is go you know it's amazing

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Steve or whoever the person's name is you know I was reading in the Bible this week and you know just kind of use the

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Bible as the weapon I don't I don't think that would be the right thing to do it could be it could be you could say you know what these are the kind of things that I hear you consistently say and here's what the

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Bible says you know I would encourage you to sort that out for yourself but get help from the church and Harry means this that if you've done all that you can one -on -one to restore a relationship with a person let's say it's even at in your home if you've done all you can to restore a relationship with your spouse all that you can to restore a relationship with a son or daughter or a parent and you want to get help from the church

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I would encourage you to do that you know maybe me maybe Mike it may be somebody who's not an elder at all it may be a situation came up from another church where I just thought you know there are just some that they need a lady in particular and they're just some ladies that I think would be more sympathetic and more empathetic in that given situation so I mean there are just different situations that need to be dealt with in different ways but I think that can be really helpful other thoughts on dealing with unreasonable people and those of you who've talked to me well you pretty much know how to deal with unreasonable people so let's talk about another enemy within the walls of the church and within our homes and this is something

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I alluded to earlier let's talk about a lack of love and I thought we might even really have this in my notes but I thought we might go to 1st

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Corinthians chapter 13 this is something you know how many people have seen this up on the walls of people's homes you know this is their like their marriage passage 1st

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Corinthians 13 well when we think about it it's tucked in between chapters 12 and 14 duh you know what comes between 12 but what's the significance of 1st

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Corinthians 12 and 1st Corinthians 14 spiritual gifts right and so right in the middle of that is chapter 13 so it's really not about marriage per se it's written to a church and he wants them to understand that this basic principle should be over how they employ their spiritual gifts and really it's should be over how we interact with one another how we engage with one another it should be the guiding principle in many respects let me just start in verse 4 love is patient and kind love does not envy or boast it is not arrogant or rude it does not insist on its own way

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I love you as long as things go my way it is not irritable or resentful it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth love bears all things believes all things hopes all things endures all things you know what right there in those verses

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I think if I wanted to I could I could go probably I don't want to say months but definitely weeks if we just think about how those principles alone could impact this church if we would just practice these principles imagine just being patient with one another being kind to one another not being envious of one another not being boastful towards one another not being arrogant or rude toward one another how about just not insisting on our own way how about deferring to others how about not being easily irritated how about not resenting one another and this one here what does this bring to mind it does not rejoice at wrongdoing what does that make you think about okay

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I told you so no I told you so's which you know that takes half the fun out of life doesn't it okay we want to come alongside people and help them if they're struggling but I was even thinking you know what if you if you were well let me read the

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MacArthur study notes as I like to call them the authorized study notes he says the focus is on the emptiness produced when love is absent from ministry in these verses the fullness of love is described in each case by what love does and this is the important point love is action not abstraction love is action not emotion this isn't

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MacArthur this is me but you know as has been said many times you can tell your wife or your husband somebody else significant in your life

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I love you and what you're really saying is I just feel warm and fuzzy about you that's pretty worthless love is demonstrated in action positively love is patient with people and gracious to them with generosity negatively love never envies or brags or is arrogant since that is the opposite of selfless service to other others never rude or overbearing love never wants its own way is not irritated or angered and personal offense and finds no pleasure in someone else's sin even the sin of an enemy on the positive side again love is devoted to truth and everything with regard to all things within God's righteousness and gracious will love protects believes hopes and endures what others reject and so when

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I came to that portion of it where it said love love does not rejoice at wrongdoing

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I decide you know what even from that passage there what we would call you know the section on love brings to my mind the idea of confronting sin if you're not rejoicing at wrongdoing what are you doing you should be mourning over it and you should be concerned about it and you should take action about it if if all you do is you see somebody singing that you go oh

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I sure feel bad for for them listen you are emoting oh that's really a shame that they're involved in that you're not helping love is action it's not emotion it means you have to step out of your comfort zone sometimes and come alongside somebody give them as it were the shepherds crook you need to do something and then the last part of it rejoices with the truth

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I saw a few posts yesterday on Facebook just talking about how they were looking forward to coming to church hearing the

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Word of God we should do that absolutely we should rejoice with the truth in that sense and then look at verse 7 love bears all things believes all things hopes all things endures all things it is an attitude and attitude that issues forth in action and with that in mind let's look at 1st

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John chapter 3 1st John chapter 3 and if somebody would read verses 13 to 18 yeah go ahead

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Bruce okay now let's just let's talk about this a little bit first I want to bring up a situation came up the other day

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I had an unbeliever talking to me about the gospel which was kind of fun and and talking about church and stuff like that and she asked me she said well what about you know churches that have the rainbow you know and so they're accepting of everyone what about that and she wanted to know specifically about homosexuality because she has some people in her family who are homosexuals what would you say okay and and you know what

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I said essentially that I said I said here's the thing if someone says and and this gets right into love here if someone says

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I love you so much that I hope you come to our church every week and never change we love you just the way you are to quote

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Billy Joel the great theologian well he has a book in the

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Bible right Joel what about that and here's you know the obvious truth is if the

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Bible condemns homosexuality then how could we just say you know what don't worry about it we can't say don't worry about it come to church hear the

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Word of God be transformed right that's what we want but I said to her I said you know what that church with a rainbow and everything like that I wonder if you said my relative is a kleptomaniac will steal everything that's not nailed down in fact by the time the service is over I doubt there will be any chairs left in the sanctuary with the church say oh that's all right we're a rainbow we accept everyone it doesn't matter what their proclivities are well it just so happens my nephew who will be coming to church with him this

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Sunday he can't help but kill people oh that's fine bring him in that's not a problem thank you thank you very much this this whole idea

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I mean it is pernicious because love the world standard of love is what it's it's like tolerance love means

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I just accept you the way you are well it's not the issue of me accepting you the way you are the issue is your activity your sinfulness and whether or not

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God will forgive you that's the issue and God will forgive all sins but God doesn't save us and leave us the way we are we never see that in Scripture where you know

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Jesus says I was again somebody else asked me about the teaching of one particular man yesterday and I looked him up and basically here's what he teaches he teaches you pray a prayer you say

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I receive Jesus thank you for forgiveness and then you just go on living as if nothing ever changed that's not not only is it not sound biblical teaching but it defies the work of the work of the

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Holy Spirit he begins to work in you and then what just leaves you alone you're on your own if you change fine if you don't that's fine too as long as you say that prayer it's just not right but getting back to this passage here do not be surprised brothers that the world hates you what did

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Jesus say about that he said you know they're gonna hate you why because they hated me why would we be surprised by that why would we expect people who don't love

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Christ who love us I mean I think it's pretty funny because people are perfectly cordial to me in the real world unfriend me on Facebook and there's a reason for that one one guy in particular he has on his

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Facebook wall you know blasphemy that's that's the this big picture is just blasphemy and I'm going you know that's his attitude so it's no no shock that he would then unfriend me on Facebook right perfectly nice to me just hates everything

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I stand for do not be surprised brothers that the world hates you we know that we have now listen this next passage we know that we have passed out of death into life because we love the brothers whoever does not love abides in death now what are some practical outworkings of just that verse there we love the brothers this is how we know that we've passed from life to death or death to life sorry what does that mean right we've been saved redeemed when we in other words when we pass from death to life we've been raised in newness of life but what's the implication of okay we give ourselves to others right we love the brothers there's action there yes

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Peggy okay see so you could say we weep with those who weep we rejoice with those who rejoice yes

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I would agree with that absolutely other thoughts wonder what you think about this or wonder if this is true for you we all have or most of us have unsaved family members my wife and I when we really were kind of new

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Christians we had we had this experience where we we would spend holidays generally speaking with our family and then we we started one year out and I don't remember why but we started having just believers over at the house and we really found out guess what we'd rather have believers spend the holidays with believers than with our own family well why is that is it because we didn't love our family yeah because we share something and we're able to talk about something other than the weather sports

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I hope you know etc etc in other words there there's a we have we have a lot more in common with people that maybe we just met if you travel around the world and you walk into a congregation of believers do you think man

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I don't know anybody I wish I knew somebody you know I etc etc etc or do you just really as soon as the music starts everybody starts singing you just go this is home

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I don't know anybody here and I feel a kinship with them why because they all love the

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Lord Jesus Christ these are my brothers and sisters I love them because the

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Lord loves them now verse 15 he says everyone who hates his brother is a murderer and you know that no murder has eternal life abiding in him is that referring to believers absolutely not moving on to verse 16 by this we know love that he laid down his life for us and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers as Bruce was saying there's a sacrificial aspect to our relationship with believers in the body of Christ we talk about agape love we talk about love that issues forth in action and then he goes on and explains it a little bit but if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need yet closes hard against him how does

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God's love abide in him there's a rhetorical device or a rhetorical question suggesting that it doesn't abide in you but does that mean that if there's a brother or sister in Christ who is living irresponsibly that you need to necessarily meet their need you could meet their need but I would suggest that you should only meet their need if it if it would in fact be in a way that would help them to understand that they weren't living rightly in the first place that there were things that they need to change there

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I mean I don't want to do the whole series here on on finances and stuff like that but I think there there is a sense in which we need to be good stewards of our own money and we don't help people be stewards of their own money if we just constantly take care of them when they're being foolish it's one thing if somebody's definitely in need it's another if they're just consistently foolish let me move on here a little bit listen what

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Stott says about this he says about verse and I think it's verse 14 he says this verse begins dramatically in the

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Greek with the pronoun we let the world hate we do not hate but love moreover the fact that we love our brothers gives us a good ground for certainty that we possess eternal life before salvation may we were in difference maybe we were opposed to Christians but what happens afterwards

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I'll just I probably have said this over the years but I remember before I got saved

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I was you know I worked in a jail and the chaplains would come in and they would do their services it seemed like honestly seem like they were doing services like every two or three hours seem like it was constant you know like there was a consistent siege of these these guys doing their services and so you know

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I I really didn't help them in fact I thought the inmates were for the most part unsavable and those who profess

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Christ were usually hypocrites because they went out came back in out in etc etc and then

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I got saved and started talking to the chaplains and started listening to the chaplains and I remember one

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Sunday it was it was I I think I was saved and I can remember just thinking

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I I was working 16 hours by schedule 16 hours on Sunday for like it was like four months in a row and I hated it and so one

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Sunday morning the the chaplains come in and we would take inmates out who wanted to go to church services and we would put them all in one great big day room and so they were in there and and they started you know singing and stuff like that and and I looked at one of the chaplains and I I opened the door a little bit

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I said would you mind if I just kept the door open because I just want to hear it I think he thought

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I was crazy but you know it it was a complete transformation from where I had been an obstacle to where I you know

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I was trying to do everything I could to help them why because I'd gone from death to life

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I wanted the word to go forth I knew that the word could change people because it had changed me and I wanted to help the chaplains do that another commentator says this about about us being saved or passing over from life to death he says he notes that it's a perfect we have passed signifies an action of the past with ongoing continuous results we are those who have passed over from life to death in other words that bridge has been burned there's no possibility of us going back to death we are in a stat a state of having eternal life

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Stott again says great stress is laid in the New Testament on love as the preeminent

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Christian virtue the first fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 522 the sign of the reality of faith in Galatians 5 6 and the greatest of the three abiding

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Christian graces which never ends and without which we are nothing 1st

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Corinthians 13 to 8 and 13 love is the surest test of having life as it has already been shown to be the test of being in the light in 1st

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John 2 10 the contrary is also true anyone who does not love remains in death just as he is in darkness

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Hendrickson notes about the do not be surprised when unbelievers the response of unbelievers

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Hendrickson says this he says the believers are astounded by the hatred they endure from the world around them they were not expecting any hatred as true

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Christians they provided and continue to provide help to the needy and love to the people around him

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John says stop being surprised the world is filled with Cain's descendants who will express their hatred toward the children of God it's kind of shocking but you know who are the most hate -filled people in the world according to the world's wisdom it's

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Christians Christians are the ones who have to be stopped once I just heard on the news the other day of this thing about you know it they've taken establishment of religion to mean virtually any mentioning of God or any expression of faith or any kind of resistance to governmental imposition you just need to shut up and be quiet Hendrickson goes on he says my brothers

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John 2 experiences the hatred of the world and therefore he puts himself next to his readers he calls them brothers the address

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John usually employs is dear little children dear friends but here in this verse and this verse only he used the word brothers as their spiritual father he addresses his readers as children and her friends as a fellow believer he calls them brothers listen this is the state of being a

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Christian just like you I am hated like me you are hated we should expect no less with the brothers

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John endures the opposition of a sinful world expressing his hatred towards Christian when

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John writes if the world hates you he is not predicting the possibility that this may occur the word if is really the equivalent of that do not be surprised that the world hates you exactly the same thing that John or that Jesus expressed in John 1518 just one more thing and then we'll close note that John does not say beloved we love our brothers therefore we have passed from life to death notice the difference we love our brothers therefore we have passed from life to death what would that make it that would make it a work and it's like I was talking with somebody else listen it's not repentance that saves you it's not asking for forgiveness that saves you and it's not loving the brothers that saves you it's a

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I'll just call it this way it's a symptom when these things happen when

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God changes you then as a response to God's work in you then you repent then you forgive then you love then you act in accordance with what is occurring in you that's when you show the

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Spirit of God and there I just one more thing this is this is kind of a funny way to end but I'll just end on this note

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I like this illustration from Warren Weir's be talking about people who hate he says a visitor at the zoo was chatting with the keeper of the lion house

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I have a cat at home said the visitor and your lions act just like my cats look at them sleeping so peacefully it seems a shame that you have to put those beautiful creatures behind bars the lion keeper laughed he said my friend these may look like your cats but their disposition is radically different there's murder in their hearts you'd better be glad the bars are there then wears me says the only reason people have never actually murdered anyone is because of the bars that have been put up the fear of arrest and shame the penalties of the law and the possibility of death in other words the complete of love that they have would lead them to murder if there was no fear in their hearts of death now that's not true of everyone but I think it's true this is true they have murder in their hearts we ought not to have murder in our hearts we have been redeemed we ought to live in light of our redemption we'll close in prayer and we'll talk about love again next week father we are thankful for your work in us we're thankful that you have supernaturally loved us and that as your children we ought to reflect the love that you have shed so richly and fully upon us father would you even work in our lives in our homes and within our church to make us a people who are even as the

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Lord commanded and we'll talk about next week known by our love how can we fail to take action to help our brothers and sisters and not just in the easy ways of giving them things but of coming alongside of correcting of rebuking encouraging really exercising the fullness of what it means to love one another