Sunday Sermon: Marriage as Christ Loves the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33)

You are listening to the teaching ministry of Gabriel Hughes, pastor of First Southern Baptist Church in Junction City, Kansas.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday on this podcast, we feature 20 minutes of Bible study through a

New Testament book. On Thursday is a study in the Old Testament, and then we answer questions from the listeners on Friday.

Each Sunday we are pleased to share our sermon series, presently going through the book of Ephesians. Here's Pastor Gabe.

Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior.

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ loves the church, because we are members of his body.

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Let us pray. Heavenly Father, we come to this word again today, this instruction, this divine counsel that has been given to us in how the family is to be, that a husband should love his wife, that a wife should love her husband.

We have all been made equal in the eyes of God. Every one of us, man or woman, is guaranteed the same inheritance by faith in Jesus Christ.

We are all inheritors of this eternal kingdom. But while we live here on this earth, there are respective roles that you have appointed us for, different giftings that we have received, and so may we be humble to recognize that you have called us all to different things, and we are obedient to that according to the will and the command and the design of God.

And we pray these things in Jesus' name, and all God's people said, amen. Thank you. You may be seated.

There was a man in Hawaii who was walking along the beach, and he stumbled across a magic lamp.

And so he pulled the lamp out of the sand, and he's looking at this thing. He's like, I've seen this in the movies before. I can rub it and get three wishes.

So he rubs the lamp. A genie pops out, and the guy says, I knew it. I'm ready for my three wishes.

The genie says, ah, you watch too many movies. I don't do three wishes. It's only one. You only get one wish.

So what is the wish that you want? The man looks around him. He says, well, I love this paradise. I love

Hawaii, but it's so expensive to get here. So why don't you build me a bridge from North America to Hawaii?

That way I can drive here whenever I want and not have to worry about the cost of flying and whatnot. And the genie said, that's an impossible wish.

There's no way I can give you that much steel and concrete, and we're putting gas stations along the way, all the way through this thruway that goes through the

Pacific Ocean. It isn't practical. Think of something else. So the man said, all right, and he thought for a moment, and he said, you know,

I'd really like to be able to understand my wife. I wish that I could understand my wife.

And the genie said, do you want that bridge in two lanes or four? God has created marriage, but he put two people in a marriage that are sinners.

Both of us are. The husband and the wife are both sinners. More than just being sinners, we're two completely different people.

A man is a man. A woman is a woman. In case you haven't noticed, they're different.

That's countercultural. What we're reading here in Ephesians chapter five, verses 22 and 33.

These things are countercultural, where the culture wants to tell you there's no difference between a man and a woman, but it doesn't take a scientific mind to look at a man and woman and can tell these two people are very and quite different.

You don't have to be in a marriage to know that a man and woman are different. God has created us different, and that's actually a beautiful thing.

The differences that we see that exist between men and women are created in such a way so that we might give glory to God even despite our differences, but in fact through those differences.

And so we look today at these instructions that we have in Ephesians chapter five, verses 22 through 33.

Instructions that are specifically given to wives and instructions that are specifically given to husbands.

But in both of these instructions is a call to honor and glorify God. A wife has been called to glorify

God in her marriage a certain way, and a husband has been called to glorify God in his marriage in a certain way.

So I hope that as we come to this passage today, what we're going to find ourselves equipped with is an understanding of what

God has appointed for us in our marriages so that we might live in our marriages in an honoring way to one another and ultimately to God.

Now though we're going to be talking about wives and husbands today, we're entering a section of Ephesians as we've been studying through Ephesians the last few months.

We're entering a section of Ephesians where we're looking at practical application to earthly relationships.

Here we're talking about wives and husbands. Next week we're going to be talking about parents and children, and then the week after that we're talking about relationships we have between like an employee and an employer.

And then even the instruction that we have for all Christians to put on the full armor of God, which is how we will come close to closing out our study of the book of Ephesians.

But today focusing on the dynamic that exists in marriage, the relationship between wives and husbands.

There are singles that we have here in the service today, but that doesn't mean that you get permission to tune out to this particular sermon.

Sonia is going, ah, man. First of all, the Lord may still have for you an intention and a desire for you to be married.

That's number one. But number two, we've all been given the instruction to honor marriage, whether we're married or not.

In Hebrews chapter 13, we are told, let the marriage bed be held in honor by all.

So all of us here in this service have an obligation to one another to help each other in our marriages.

You have a marriage of your own. You are instructed to nurture and care for that marriage.

But then you as a Christian, as a fellow brother and sister in the faith, you also have an obligation to be looking out for your fellow brothers and sisters and helping them in their marriages also, whether you're single or married yourself.

So these are instructions that exist not just for husbands and wives, but even for the entire church.

For remember that this was a church that the apostle Paul was writing to, the church in Ephesus. Let's begin on a very grassroots, very basic level by asking this question, what is marriage?

What is that anyway? I looked up a few of those teachers that I like to learn from to see what they had to say about marriage.

R .C. Sproul said, marriage is God's answer to the problem of human loneliness.

Sproul goes back to Genesis chapter one, where God created marriage. And all throughout

Genesis one is God is bringing about creation by a word. He is speaking it into existence and it comes to be.

He looks at everything and he says, it is good. Behold, it is very good. This is what we call a benediction.

We have it listed in your bulletin. Well, sometimes it's mentioned in the bulletin, but that ending sort of exhortation that pastor

Dwight comes up and gives before we're all dismissed from here. That's called a benediction.

He comes up and gives a good word. That's what benediction means, benediction is word.

So he comes and gives a good word. The Lord is giving that all throughout creation as he's bringing it into existence.

He creates it. He looks at it and behold, it is very good. But we also have in Genesis one, what's called a malediction, mala, which means bad.

It's a bad word. The Lord looks at something, he sees that something is not good.

He looks at the man that he has created and he says, that guy's not good.

No, that's not what he says. Not giving wives ammunition for that. Aha, see, the

Lord say he gave a malediction, the guy's not good. He needed to bring me about to make you good.

So that's not the intention there, but rather that the Lord looks at the man that he has created and he says, it is not good for man to be alone.

And so he creates the woman out of a rib from the man's side. And I love the way that Matthew Henry decorates an understanding of this passage with the rib being taken out of Adam's side and creating for him a woman of whom he says, this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.

A man will leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.

Matthew Henry explains it this way. God took the rib from the man's side so that he would know he is to be side by side with his wife until death parts them.

He didn't take the bone out of his head, lest the man thinks that he lords himself over his body. He didn't take the bone out of his arm, lest the man thinks

I am stronger than the woman and abuses his wife, but took the rib from his side so that they would be side by side.

This is the Lord looking at his creation and saying it is not good for man to be alone and creates for him the woman to which

R .C. Sproul responded, marriage is God's answer to the problem of human loneliness.

John MacArthur described marriage this way, marriage is the one and only human relationship that includes sexual activity and it is designed by God to be full of love.

It is designed by God to be fulfilling. It is designed by God for procreation, for partnership, and for pleasure.

William Tyndale, we're going to go back a few centuries now, he said, marriage was ordained for a remedy and to increase the world and for the man to help the woman and the woman the man with all love and kindness.

Dr. Albert Moeller, president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, and I just happened to catch a couple of weeks ago that he is going to be the next nominee for president of the

Southern Baptist Convention, in case you didn't know. But Albert Moeller has said this, marriage is rooted in the glory of God made evident in creation itself.

The man and the woman are made for each other and the institution of marriage is given to humanity as both opportunity and obligation.

Jesus Christ, he probably has a pretty important word on marriage, right?

Jesus Christ, who was there at the beginning, who is the creator of marriage himself, he said the following, have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said, therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.

So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What God has joined together, let man not separate,

Matthew 19, four through six. So if we come at this through these various definitions that we have, and most especially the definition that we are given from scripture, we have

Jesus saying, the two shall become one flesh. Paul is saying here in Ephesians five, the two shall become one flesh, that's quoted from Genesis.

So what is our working definition of marriage? Marriage is a man and a woman in a one flesh union, joined by God, committed for life, which no one may divide.

Here we've read in Ephesians 5 29, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church.

And so we should be such in our marriages. So what is the reason why we get married?

Well, first, let me give you five reasons why you shouldn't get married. And I'm turning to Vodie Bauckham here.

He gives five bad reasons for marriage. These are the things that should not be the cause for us to get married.

Number one, lust. You shouldn't get married just because you lust for this other person.

I'm really attracted to that person. They really get my engine going. So that must be the reason why we should get married.

That must be a sure sign, a good indication that we should get married. If you're only getting married because of attraction,

I'm telling you, that's eventually going to change. That will fade because like it or not, your body ages.

And in case you haven't noticed, it changes when that happens. What was attractive to you 10 years ago may not be attractive to you 10 years down the road.

And so you cannot expect that attraction or lust of the flesh in particular is going to be the thing that is a good reason to get married.

It's actually a very bad reason to get married. And you are dooming yourself for disaster if that's the reason you get married.

A second reason you should not get married, desperation. The clock is ticking.

I don't have too many more years left. I'm going to have to do this now. Let's see. I've been friends with this person for a long time.

Maybe we should get married. It might add convenience into that as well.

Probably not a good reason to get married. Again, you're setting yourself up for failure. You don't have a good foundation on which that marriage is being built.

A third reason you should not get married is time invested.

Like I've spent a lot of time with this person. So perhaps now that's the reason why we should get married.

You could be in a very bad relationship and some of the bad things are showing up and you think, well, to solve this bad stuff, maybe we should get married and that'll solve all the problems.

Nope. That probably is just creating more problems. So time invested is not a good reason to get married.

Votie Bauckham said, it's like shopping without money. You either leave frustrated or you leave with something that isn't yours.

A fourth reason why you shouldn't get married, materialism. Well, he'll provide for me or she'll provide for me.

Hey, we've got two incomes now. We're doing better than we were when we were by ourselves. Not a good reason to get married.

You will run into financial difficulty in your marriages. And now what are you going to do?

When that was the reason you got married in the first place was to handle those financial problems. A fifth reason not to get married, mysticism.

What does that mean? Well, I prayed about it and God brought me this person along.

And so that must be the person that I'm supposed to get married. Don't do that. That's using

God as a fortune cookie. It's not truly understanding marriage or the foundation for our marriage.

The foundation for marriage is Christ. Any relationship. It doesn't matter whether it is a friendship or whether you're related to somebody by blood or whether it's a marriage.

All relationships should be founded on the rock of Christ Jesus. You know the song Friends by Michael W.

Smith that goes back to 1983, in case you didn't know how old that song was now.

But in the chorus of that song, Smitty sings, friends are friends forever if the Lord's the

Lord of them. And if we have that foundation of Christ in our relationships, there is nothing that will separate us.

As the Lord Christ had even instructed for a marriage, what therefore God has joined together, let man not separate.

So given that these are five reasons why we shouldn't get married, what are reasons why we should get married?

What are the good reasons for marriage? Well, I go back to the definition that John MacArthur gave.

It is designed by God for procreation, for partnership, and for pleasure. There's three good reasons to get married right there, procreation, partnership, and pleasure.

There's nothing wrong with thinking that a marriage should be pleasurable. I hope your marriage is pleasurable.

It's going to be a very miserable road unless your marriage is pleasurable. It should be that way.

And so those can be the reasons why you get married. But I'm going to add one more here. I'm going to add one more reason to get married on top of these reasons that John MacArthur has given, worship.

You get married to worship God and worship Him and honor God with your marriage.

Now to go with his alliteration here, because you notice that all three of John MacArthur's reasons start with P, procreation, partnership, pleasure, and now

I'm disrupting the train by throwing in a W, worship, but let's change that to praise, praising

God with your marriage. And ultimately today, that's what I hope that you're going to come away with as we exegete this passage, as we understand what is instructed of us here in Ephesians chapter five, that you understand better how to honor

God with your marriage through procreation, partnership, pleasure, and praise.

Now maybe when you got married, that's not the way you started out. Maybe when I was listing those things of reasons why you shouldn't get married, you're listening to that going, yeah,

I'm guilty of one or two of those. But it's not too late to change your marriage around for the better and make it something that honors the

Lord and something that you delight to wake up to each and every day. I can tell you as a very satisfied and happy man,

I love waking up to my wife every morning. Well, to be honest with you, she wakes up before me, but then when

I do get up, it's a delight for me to see her. And I hope it will be the same for you as well with your spouse.

Ephesians chapter five, verse 22. Like I said, we're coming at this in a rather counter cultural definition here, but we are told wives submit to your own husbands as to the

Lord for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.

Now, this is one of those commands, those instructions that the culture loves to push back on, wives submit to your own husbands.

But before we even get to it, I want to say, don't neglect the instruction that's given to husbands here.

Husbands, die to yourself and love your wife as Christ loves the church.

So we have a very heavy weighty instruction on the husbands as well. Don't miss that as we come first to this instruction for wives.

But we actually have a bit of a problem here when we're looking at verse 22. It says, wives submit to your own husbands as to the

Lord. What's the problem with that verse? It doesn't have a verb in it. Some of you might be looking at it going, well, wait, yeah, it does.

Submit, submit is a verb. No, in the Greek, there's no verb there. You're actually borrowing the word from the previous verse.

If you have an NASB, the New American Standard Bible, that word submit, wives submit to your own husbands is going to be italicized because the word doesn't actually exist there.

It's borrowed from the previous verse. So you have to understand Greek to understand why that would be the case.

It's not that the Bible translators have erred here. They're not saying wives must submit. So we're going to grab that word from the previous verse.

If you read the Greek and you understand the Greek, then you would know why that's done that way. But for us to understand it in English, we actually have to understand something about the context in which we're reading.

So what we have looked at up to this point in Ephesians 5, 22, we've looked at three contrasts.

Then we've seen three commands. And now we're in, we're at the start of three contexts, three contrasts, three commands, three contexts.

Where are these contrasts? We'll go back a little bit further in Ephesians chapter five.

Last week, we were reading about discerning what is pleasing to the Lord. Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise, making the best use of the time because the days are evil.

Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine for that is debauchery, but be filled with the spirit.

There was our contrast right there. Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise.

There's the first contrast, making the best use of the time because the days are evil, verse 17. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the

Lord is. There's the second contrast, verse 18. Do not get drunk with wine for that is debauchery, but be filled with the spirit.

There's the third contrast. Then we get into a series of commands, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the

Lord in your heart. That's the first command. The second one, verse 20, giving thanks always and for everything to God the

Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. That's the second command. The third one is verse 21, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Then we get to the three contexts, which begins with wives submit to your own husbands as to the

Lord. See, the three contexts carry over from the command that we had in verse 21 to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

And then it's as if Paul is going, now here, let me show you. Wives submit to your husbands. And then you get to children obey your parents,

Ephesians 6 .1. And then you get to bond servants obey your earthly masters.

That's in 6 .5. So you have these commands that are given, these contexts that are given in light of the command, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Let me tell you this, understanding that we are to be filled with the Spirit and we are to be thankful.

You show me a person who is thankful, I will show you a person who is filled with the Holy Spirit of God. You show me a person who is not thankful, who's bickering and arguing and complaining and quarreling all the time.

And I will show you a person who is not filled with the Spirit of God. You show me a person who submits to the spiritual authorities in their life, and I will show you a person who is filled with the

Holy Spirit of God. You show me a person who rebels against the spiritual authorities in their life, and I will show you a person who is not filled with the

Holy Spirit of God. That's what we understand here as we come then to verse 22. Wives submit to your husbands as to the

Lord, because the husband is the spiritual authority in his household.

Now, that is nothing against the woman. That is nothing against the wife. That is not reducing her to a lesser role.

And please do not think that that's what that means. But it places the responsibility firmly in the hands of the husband to be the provider and caregiver and most especially the spiritual guide for his family.

That primarily comes on the husband. That doesn't mean that the wife doesn't lead spiritually in her home.

My wife leads spiritually in our home. But it is my responsibility to make sure my wife is being fed with the

Word and that my children are being raised up in the training and the instruction of the Word. She is going to play a part in that as well.

But to make sure that's being done, that falls most primarily upon me. My wife helps our kids with their

Juana verses. And as you saw her today, do the catechism with the kids. She does that for our children as well.

But last night, before she came to bringing there, or I guess it was yesterday afternoon, before bringing the catechism for our kids this morning, she and I were talking these things through.

And I took her through the scriptures to help her understand what this means, that the

Bible is the Word of God. By the way, husbands, I've told you that this is where the women are at in our women's study that we have the second and fourth

Saturday morning of the month. The women have expressed a desire to know how to read the

Bible. So if you want to know, how can I start leading my wife in our home, there you go.

The women have expressed, how can I read my Bible? It's a good place for you to start, husbands. And it just so happens, by the providence of God, this was not planned.

But on Tuesday evening, the men's study that meets here at the church, our after work study that starts at five o 'clock, but you can trickle in a little bit late.

That's fine. In the book that we're going through, we just happened to fall at the exact same time on the section where Joel Beeke, who wrote this book, is taking us through understanding

God's Word, how to decipher it and how to teach it. We didn't plan that.

It just happened that way. By the divine ordination of God. And so husbands, this is our responsibility to lead our wives as the instruction comes here.

I'm jumping ahead a little bit, but it's in the context of what we're talking about. That he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the

Word. Husbands, you are helping your wives to become more holy, to grow in godliness, to grow in righteousness.

And we all need that. This is that theological word sanctification that we use to describe this.

We are being sanctified. When you first came to Christ, when you believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, you were immediately justified, but you were not yet fully sanctified.

We sang about that justification this morning. Grace and peace. So how can this be?

The matchless king of all paid the blood price for me. That's justification.

Sanctification then is growing in that holiness. You have put faith in the

Lord Jesus Christ, and now with your whole life, you desire to grow in Christ and know him more.

For wives, that means submission to your husband as to the Lord. You need to give him that opportunity.

Give him the chance as one who has been instructed to lead his family in those spiritual things.

Now, there are some women I know that are even sitting in here that have very assertive personalities, and it's a little bit more difficult for you to submit than it is for some other women to submit.

Some find this very natural, very easy to do. There are others who have more type A personalities, more choleric personalities, and they want to be more domineering and taking charge in their marriage.

My wife is one of those persons. Before we met, she worked at a rock quarry.

She was a woman working at a rock quarry. None of the men at the rock quarry messed with her.

She drove a 60 -ton haul truck. A 60 -ton haul truck. One of those great big giant dump trucks with a wheel that wouldn't fit on this stage.

And we'll drive by these trucks going down the interstate with those giant tires on the back, and I'll say, hey, look, babe, there's the wheels of your dump truck right there.

So in the heart of this woman roars the engine of a 60 -ton haul truck.

So if you want an example of a woman submitting to her husband, look at my wife.

And she is a wonderful delight and treasure. That encourages me and helps me each and every day that I am called to die to myself and serve my wife and my children in raising them up in the training and the instruction of the

Lord. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the

Lord. So women, you here in the church, you actually have a responsibility and an example that you can set that a husband cannot set.

This is actually a role that God has designated for you as an example to the rest of the flock.

Because all of us as Christians, all of us as followers of our Lord Christ, we are all supposed to submit to the

Lord. But the wife in particular submits to her husband as to the

Lord, serving as an example to the entire church of submission to Christ.

That's not the kind of example the husband is supposed to be. The husband is supposed to be an example of the way that Christ loves the church, but the woman becomes an example of submission unto the

Lord. Now, let me clarify here that as we're looking at these instructions, these instructions are not all women must submit to all men.

That's not what it says. It says the wife submits to her husband. And the husband lays down his life for his bride as Christ did for the church.

Now, there are certainly instructions that men have in the church and instructions that women have in the church.

There are different instructions there. We're not going to go into that today. But for an example, you can go to Titus 2 if you want to see that later.

Older men mentoring the younger men, older women mentoring the younger women. So we do have various responsibilities and roles among men and women in the church.

But this instruction is not all women must submit to all men. This is wife submit to your husband as to the

Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its

Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Notice that the husband is being described as the head of his wife. What does the head do for the body?

The head is kind of the control center of the body, right? Makes the decisions for the body. The head also nourishes and takes care of the body.

All of the food for the body enters through the mouth. All of the study that you do, it comes from your eyes and your ears.

All of the thinking, the decisions that are made comes from your brain. So just as the head is this for the body, so the husband is supposed to be for his wife because Christ is this for his church.

1 Corinthians 11 3, the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is

God. Here is this hierarchy that we have in the church that is exemplified even in the earthly relationship of marriage that has been given to us by God.

Now, some of you wives are probably in some very difficult marriages. Some of you are probably thinking to yourselves as I'm talking about this, well, my husband is not worthy of my respect.

What would you say to somebody like me who has a husband that is not leading in the home? And if I were to leave it up to him, he wouldn't.

There would be no leadership in our home of the husband taking care of his family if I were to leave it up to him.

What do you have to say to me? Well, the apostle Peter spoke into this in 1 Peter 3, beginning in verse 1.

Likewise, wives be subject to your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.

When they see your respectful and pure conduct in obedience to the

Lord, do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing that you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

Let me put this to you in a more negative way. So the positive way is

Peter saying, let your adorning be with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

That's the positive instruction. Here's the negative form of that instruction. Wives, do not quarrel with your husband.

That goes along with this instruction in this command. You may not find it right here, but you find it in other places.

Proverbs 12, 4, an excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is a rottenness to his bones.

Proverbs 19, 13, a foolish son is the ruin of his father, and a wife's quarreling is a continued dripping of rain.

Proverbs 25, 24, it is better to live on the corner of your roof than in a house with a quarrelsome wife.

Pretty harsh, is it not? But guys, don't sit there going,

I'm getting to you here in just a moment. Instead, the women are instructed to put their hope in God as Sarah obeyed

Abraham, calling him Lord, and you are her children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

1 Peter 3, 7, likewise husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

My friends, if you have quarrels going on in your marriage, wife quarreling with the husband, husband quarreling with the wife, when this is the way things go in your marriage, it hinders your prayers.

Let us come to agreement with one another as we have instructions like in Colossians chapter 3, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other as the

Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. That instruction is not just for the church, it's also for husbands and wives.

That's exactly the way to conduct yourself in your marriage. If you have a disagreement or a quarrel with your spouse, forgive.

Doesn't matter whether you think you're right and they're wrong. The possibility is you're wrong and they're right.

Humble yourself and have a forgiving heart. Oftentimes when we talk about forgiveness, we think of forgiveness as being that thing you do when somebody does something wrong to you.

I tell you, forgiveness is an attitude that you should have in your heart even before anybody does anything wrong to you.

Because you know that we live in a world full of sinful people. There are going to be people who will wrong you.

Likewise, you will wrong others. But have that attitude of grace in your heart, the grace that has been poured into your heart by the

Holy Spirit, that you might have forgiveness toward another person even before they wrong you.

How much easier it is for you to say to that person, I forgive you or not hold a grudge or let bitterness and resentment well up when what has been permeating and dominating your heart before the wrong was done to you was forgiveness.

So that bitterness may not overtake us and especially that bitterness may not overtake our marriages.

Though Proverbs can be kind of harsh on a quarrelsome wife, it is very praising of the wife who fears

God. Proverbs 31, 10 and 11, an excellent wife who can find she is far more precious than jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack.

And I tell you, I am that man. Proverbs 19, 14, house and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the

Lord. So these are the instructions we have for wives submitting to their husbands.

Husbands, your turn. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Men, die to yourself, get over yourself and love your wife.

Every day must be pride swallowing. You must take hold of those things and those desires in your flesh.

The things that you want to do for yourself must be crucified, must be put aside so that you may look to the needs of your household, beginning with your wife.

A husband should love his wife more than he loves his own children. It's not that a husband shouldn't love his kids.

I love my kids dearly. I would die for my kids, but my kids know I love them when they see first that I love their mother.

When they see that I'm devoted to their mom, they know I will be devoted to them.

Now I know saying that can be heartbreaking for some of you because you've probably come from broken homes.

My wife came from a broken home and not her parents. Her parents are still together and how many years?

Over 40 years of marriage. My parents likewise have been married for 41 years now, but my wife came from a broken home and that she's previously been married.

So she knows what this is like. She knows what it's like to live with a man who does not love her, does not respect her, abuses her, is unfaithful to her.

She's been there. It's a scar and a mark that we can carry around for the rest of our lives and can cause bitterness and resentment to rise up in our hearts.

So as I say to you to show devotion to your spouse, and that will show devotion to your children,

I know that some of you are probably heartbroken by hearing that because you grew up in a home where you did not see that.

But hear the words of Joshua at the end of Joshua, choose this day whom you will serve.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Do not carry the sins of your mother and father into your marriage.

If you're looking back at a previous marriage that you were raised in that was in shambles, don't carry that into your marriage.

My friends, we're talking about a Christ here who is cleansing and washing and is making things new.

He can make your marriage new. Even if your marriage right now is on the rocks and you wonder where all this is going and can we recover?

Is there hope for us? Remember that the Holy Spirit of God raised Jesus Christ from the dead.

If he can raise Christ from the dead, he can bring your marriage back to life. Love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.

I believe that I've explained this already, understanding that husbands, it is our responsibility to raise up our families in an understanding of God's word.

How do you wash your wife with the water of the word? You do devotions together.

You open the word of God together. You read it together. We gave some helpful instructions last week on how to do that.

By the way, the 40 -day Bible reading guide is still back there, giving you kind of an overview of the high points of the

Bible so you know the whole story from Genesis to Revelation. But one of the things I did not mention is that on the bottom of that Bible reading plan, still on the table in the back, on the bottom of it are listed eight chapters.

Eight chapters of the Bible that are instructions for Christian living. And Ephesians chapters 4 and 5 are two of them that we've been going through over the last few months.

So that's a good place to start. Where should we open up the Bible and read together? There you go.

Go through the 40 -day Bible reading plan together. Look at those chapters at the bottom of the page on Christian instructions together.

This is a good place for you to start. If you need help, if you need resources, we've got plenty.

You just need to ask. Not to do too much self -promotion, but I've also got a podcast that's daily

Bible teaching if you want some help in that as well. But husbands, we have that responsibility to sanctify our wives, helping her grow in holiness and in righteousness.

That falls first upon us, but that doesn't mean that my wife doesn't sanctify me. I got a little short with my son the other day and my wife just very kindly, gently tugged on my elbow and said, be easy on him.

I need that sometimes. So it's not that my wife doesn't sanctify me.

She certainly does. But the responsibility to sanctify my household falls first upon me.

When I hear my wife get short with our kids, am I setting a good example?

And so that's what I look at. When I see quarreling in my home, my kids quarrel, but if I see this escalation in quarreling, is it because I've been in a bad mood lately?

And so I want to check myself. Husbands have that responsibility. And we're going to look at this further next week when we get to Ephesians 6, 1.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. And the instruction in verse 4, fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the

Lord. Fathers, you've still got more instruction coming. Christ is sanctifying us that He might present the church to Himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish.

That's us. We are the church being sanctified by Christ. And so we are an earthly example of this, husbands, when we are sanctifying our household.

Verse 28, in the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

And then going back to that statement from Genesis 1, therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

I remember when I was younger, even before I was married, listening to friends of mine who got married, probably a little too young and a little too irresponsibly.

And I would listen to them, these friends of mine, some of whom I'd even gone to high school and college with, I'd listen to them dog on their wives.

Talk about how horrible their wife is. My wife is miserable. She does this to me at home and whatever else. And I'm sitting back going, like,

I'm not impressed by this. I'm not sitting there listening to this guy going, oh, well, you're a poor you, right?

I'm sitting there listening to him going, what kind of idiot are you? You married her. So if she's this miserable, that's your fault.

That's your problem. What are you doing to die to yourself and make more of your wife instead of making much of yourself as you're doing here?

I didn't have the courage to speak up and say these things, but that's what I was thinking as I was listening to it.

In humility, God gave me a moment of humbleness before Becky and I got married.

It was actually here at this church. We were attending this church before we were married here. I was with the youth group one night on Wednesday evening, and we were downstairs playing

Halo. Used to be Wii and Xbox and all that down in the youth room. So I'm down there playing Halo with some of the youth kids, and Becky was gonna come pick me up and take me back home.

I was living in Abilene at the time. And she said, I'm gonna come up in front of the church, look for me, I'll be waiting in the car for you.

And I said, sure, I will. We agreed. That was the way she was gonna pick me up. But I stayed down in the room playing

Halo with the youth kids, trying to look cool with the teens, right? So Becky comes in the room, and she's not angry.

She doesn't have that visible look on her face at all. She just comes in. I'm there playing video games, and she says, babe,

I'm upstairs waiting for you. I was like, all right, that's right. You were coming. You were gonna wait upstairs for me, and I was supposed to meet you.

Sorry, I forgot. And everybody started picking on me then at that. Gabe's in trouble now.

And I made this comment. I said, hey, guys, easy. You're not the one that's gonna get nagged at later. That's what

I said. We walked out to the parking lot. She didn't say anything up to that point.

Privately did not. She could have embarrassed me in front of everybody else if she wanted to, because I just did it to her.

But we walk out to the parking lot, and I opened her door for her. I still do that to this day.

I think I'm being gentlemanly, totally unaware of the thing that I just said a few minutes ago. And as I'm opening the car door for her, she's getting in the car, but she looks at me, and she says,

I don't nag at you. And then she got in the car. And I'm standing there like, she's right.

She doesn't nag at me. And I shut the door. I felt horrible. I felt terrible about that.

And I apologized to her, and I've never done it again. That was 10 years ago.

If at any moment that I enter into some kind of a conversation with a bunch of guys around, and I even feel like I'm saying things that could even be perceived as me saying something negative about my wife,

I'll immediately back off and start saying just the most praising, awesome things about her, because I really have nothing but wonderful things to say about my bride.

Husbands, the way you feel about your wife is probably going to be most reflected in those comments that you're making with others when your wife is not around.

Examine your speech there. What does that sound like? Does it sound like you honor your wife?

Or does it sound like you hate your own flesh? Because that's what happens when you're dogging on your wife like that.

I'm astounded at the number of couples that I talk to that just quarrel and bicker with one another.

And oftentimes, when I sit down with those couples, my first question is very, very simple.

I'll walk through a couple of passages of Scripture about forgiving one another and having grace toward each other and how the

Lord Christ has forgiven us, and I'll look at the couple and I'll say, do you believe this? And they'll say, yes, certainly we believe this.

And I said, OK, then let me just ask you this very simple question before we get started talking about anything else. If you understand this, why aren't you doing it with each other?

That's a very basic beginning to trying to tackle problems in a marriage.

If you know that Christ has forgiven you, why aren't you forgiving your spouse? You've done way worse before God than your spouse has done to you.

And God has forgiven you. So shouldn't you be forgiving with one another?

Jesus said, love your neighbor. Two greatest commandments, love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.

Is your spouse not your closest neighbor? You fulfill these commands in your own home when you love your spouse as you love yourself.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body.

Now, I had a certain way that I wanted to close today. I wanted to go through some myths.

I'm only going to do one of these because of certain company that I have this morning. We need to get rid of the myth that marriage is 50 -50.

We need to meet each other halfway. Where's halfway? Where is that? Has anybody ever found that line?

On the contrary, and I prayed for this this morning in Romans chapter 12, we are told outdo one another in showing honor.

That means that you do for another person expecting nothing in return. Like I'm going to do so much for you, you can't even pay me back.

That's kind of the way that we're supposed to understand. It doesn't mean that showing honor to one another is a competition. Outdo one another.

I'm going to do something for you now. You try to match that, try to beat me. We're not expecting anything.

We show honor to one another. We show charity and kindness and love to each other, and we're expecting nothing in return.

So there's no 50 -50 in any relationship. We are to love as Christ has loved us.

He gave himself for us, laying his life down as a ransom for many. As we're told in the gospel of Mark, the son of man came not to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.

So must we do with one another? There's no 50 -50. And there's no 50 -50 in marriage. Some of you have probably heard of this play that's going on downtown at the little theater at the opera house called

Oklahoma. Have you? Have you heard of this? Okay, let's check. There's a song in this play that's sung by the character

Will Parker. And he sings to the woman that he's courting, 8 -0 Annie. He says, with me, it's all or nothing.

Is it all or nothing with you? It can't be in between. It can't be now and then.

No half and half romance will do. Folks, Rodgers and Hammerstein understand this.

So how much more should we understand? So let's summarize this all together, and we'll bring this to a conclusion.

Wives, submit to your husband as to the Lord. Do not quarrel with your husband.

Respect him. Elevate him. Encourage him. Husband, love your wife as Christ loves the church.

Do not be harsh with her. Sanctify her by the washing of water through the word.

Encourage, lead, build up. Both of you, husbands and wives, be patient.

Be kind. We know 1 Corinthians 13, right? The love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13, 4.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Be that with one another in your marriage. Forgive as Christ has forgiven you.

Bless one another. Be compassionate. Be humble. And Colossians 3, 14, above all else, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

If you have your Bible, turn with me to Revelation chapter 19. And as you're doing that,

I'm going to read the conclusion here that we have in Ephesians 5, 32 and 33.

This mystery is profound, Paul says. And I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

There is something mysterious that is going on in marriage. When we talk about great and vast theologies that we study as Christians, we talk about Trinity, right?

God is triune. He is one God, but he's three persons, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Well, how does that work?

How is he still one God, but he's three persons? That's mysterious. Jesus Christ, when he became incarnate, when

God stepped off his throne and took on flesh and became a man and dwelt among us, he was very

God, but he was very man. He was God and he was man? How does that work? It's mysterious.

So likewise, in a marriage, join with me in a little bit of mystery. You are two people, a husband and a wife, but you are one flesh.

How does that work? It's mysterious. But continue to study one another and walk with each other in love as you embark upon this mystery together, this gift of marriage that God has given as a picture of the way that Christ loves his church.

Look at Revelation 19, starting in verse 1. After this, I heard what seemed to be the loud voice of a great multitude in heaven crying out,

Hallelujah! Salvation and glory and power belong to our

God. For his judgments are true and just. For he has judged the great prostitute who corrupted the earth with her immorality, and he has avenged on her the blood of his servants.

Once more, they cried out, Hallelujah! The smoke from her goes up forever and ever.

And the 24 elders and the four living creatures fell down and worshiped God who was seated on the throne saying,

Amen, Hallelujah! And from the throne came a voice saying, Praise our God, all you his servants, you who fear him, small and great.

Verse 6. Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder crying out,

Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory.

For the marriage of the Lamb has come and his bride has made herself ready.

It was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure, for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.

And the angel said to me, Write this, Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the

Lamb. And he said to me, These are the true words of God.

My friends, this is the most important marriage that you are to be in.

The union that we have with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. And we have this promise that when this life is over and we have endured all things to the end, we will all be seated together at the greatest banquet that we could ever eat.

And it is called the marriage supper of the Lamb, the final consummation and union of Christ and his church together forever in glory.

I will be, dear

Lord, beside thee.

Thy rod and staff, my comforter still,

Thy cross before my sight,

These storms, Lord, of days,

Thy good shepherd,

I sing thy praise within my heart.

Thank you for listening to our weekly sermon presented by First Southern Baptist Church of Junction City, Kansas.

For more information about our church, visit fsbcjc .org.

On behalf of our church family, my name is Becky, inviting you to join us again this week, growing together in Christ when we understand the text.