The Denominations Plan for Mother's Day

Welcome back to another interdenominational meeting. It's Mother's Day weekend, so I thought we'd all talk about what we have planned.

We're going to celebrate our moms by preaching a special sermon from Proverbs 31. Well, that's great.

We're doing the same sermon. Well, in our service, the text is going to be acted out by our church drama team, and the pastor's wife is going to go up on the stage, and she's going to prophesy a word of knowledge over all of the women in the congregation, and then our church apostles are going to walk through the congregation and slay all the women in the

Spirit. Okay, sounds like our service is going to be a little bit different, but that's cool. What's everybody else got?

I wrote a poem for Mother's Day. Well, I'm so proud of you. Can we hear it? Roses are red, violets are blue.

We hold to the regulative principle, so I'll be preaching Leviticus 2. I should have known.

Okay. All right, you got me. We're going to be giving all of the mothers in our congregation a single white rose, and then we're going to offer up a corporate prayer of thanksgiving for them having brought more

Lutherans into the world by having their children baptized. We also baptize our children, but they aren't

Lutheran. They're Presbyterian. That's why we don't let our kids play with yours. Now, listen, we said there wasn't going to be any more brawling between you two.

I think after the meeting, you two should just go out and get a drink together. What's this about drinks?

Calm down. I said a drink. We baptize our children as Catholic. You mispronounced heretic.

Guys, listen, we said we were going to be nice. I want to thank you all for inviting me to my first meeting.

Well, the other guy went off the rails, and we thought you might be a tad bit more reasonable. What are you doing for Mother's Day? We have a special day of celebration planned for all of our women pastors.

Oh, y 'all still have women pastors. Well, yeah, I mean, come on. We're still Methodist.

I'm so excited about Mother's Day at the Big Eva Multiplex Mega Church in Minnie Mall. It is going to be lit.

We're going to start the day with a waffle breakfast served by our most handsome deacons. Nobody wants an eggo from an uggo.

Then the ladies are going to be treated to a show of sword swallowing from a shirtless pole -climbing acrobat.

Are you really going to have a shirtless acrobat? Hey, man, if you love Jesus, you're going to have a shirtless acrobat.

What's this about a shirtless acrobat? Just ignore him. He'll go away. I can hear you.