Should I Have My Man-Card Revoked If I Let My Wife Chauffer Me Around?

The Leadership Meaning of Who Drives

Yeah, it's just a very obvious, very obvious, no intelligence required whatsoever before feminism kind of things that the person who's the leader, the person who's bearing the responsibility, the person who's in charge, you know, that person is going to be the one who's driving.

All right, Tim, the question for today's episode is, should I have my man card revoked if I let my wife chauffeur me around? Basically, yes. Yeah, it's as simple as that, guys. If your wife drives you around, you need to have your man card, which is in fact a biblical category that is clearly defined in the Bible.

It should be removed.

Yes, yes, definitely. Most people, when they think about the question like this, they immediately, I mean, their minds immediately go to the kind of scenario where, you know, you have the wounded veteran or something like that because they want to put, they want to not only shame you for your able-bodied privilege, but then they want to add veterans in there too to get bonus points.

And so, you know, obviously, like the vast majority of people in the world are not disabled veterans. And so that's not what we're talking about.

You can't, you're using the outlier cases to disprove the general rule of thumb, right?

Right, right. But most people have like a basic intuition to say that, I mean, most red-blooded American males, if you see a man being driven around by his wife, you do make certain assumptions. And then the question, you know, this question is getting at is, are those assumptions coming from a biblical worldview, essentially, or are they coming from a pagan worldview?

Right, yeah. So is your basic intuition there, like, to screen all?

Yeah, is there like a biblical wisdom behind this, or is it just something that...

We arbitrarily decided at some point to be prejudiced against, right? Right. So I think the simplest way to answer this kind of question is just to say that if a leader means anything, if it means anything that a husband is the leader of his home, then that leadership is going to show up in the everyday, day-to-day ways in which he is living his life.

So when you think about driving, driving is a metaphor for... Driving is like a means, it's a means of getting from one place to another place, but then it also is a metaphor for leadership in a lot of ways.

And so we use it that way, like who's in the driver's seat in that relationship, right? In the same way you may say, who's wearing the pants in that relationship? Everyone assumes immediately you see a lady driving, she's the one in control because she's in control of the car, right?

And she's the one in charge of where you go. And it's funny because there is a lot of... Driving itself is fraught with many decisions that can happen. And if you think about the typical couple driving to a store, it's not entirely clear that most ladies even in Christian marriages are all that good at being in the passenger seat even.

What do you mean? Meaning for a lot of young couples, a common conversation that the husband and wife are going to be having, let's assume that you're in more of a male leadership kind of framework where the wife can't keep herself from telling the husband where to park in the parking lot or something like that.

I mean, there's plenty of scenarios where the wife is going to be in the seat and the husband may technically be driving, but she's criticizing the way he's driving the whole entire time and how fast he's going, that kind of stuff.

Backseat driving. Beside seat driving. Side seat. Passenger seat driving. Right. But I mean, it is a thing and it is a very real thing in couples and it is a test of submission just to say, hey, my husband's in charge and he's the one who leads us.

I'm going to submit to where, I'm going to follow where he takes me and that's going to even show up in how we drive. And there's plenty of situations where you can imagine where a couple literally is fighting in the car about what they're going to do, what the next move is.

Are we going to go to the store next? Are we going to call an audible and go somewhere else? And if a lady is driving in that kind of scenario, it very much is the kind of thing where a husband can say, no, I don't want to go there.

Let's go ahead and go home. And she's the one in charge. She's the one in control. And she's the one fighting and she's the one fighting what he's saying at that point. And it could be that she's not listening to what he's saying.

And you have real submission authority dynamics that are even present within that. Yeah.

I think that's where the saying, Hey, I'm just along for the ride. That's right. Comes into play, right? Like, I mean, you say that, you say that in situations where you don't have any sort of say or control and what's going on.

Right. And that, but then writing in the passenger seat is the literal fulfillment of that phrase. Right.

That's right. Yeah. So, I mean, I think that there's, I think that this is a societal expectation that has come from living in a society that is more patriarchal and orientation. That's why you can't look at some 1950s, Western movie or something like that.

And imagine the kind of scenario where the woman is in the wagon driving the ox while the husband is sitting there watching her. It's just like, everyone knows that this is about like, whoever is the leader is going to be the one who's driving and the follower is going to be the one who's along for the ride.

Right. Right. That's the way, that's the way it works, you know? And so, so I think, you know, it is a very, it is a metaphor for leadership and it actually is the exercise of leadership is that kind of stuff.

And, and I would say that men are typically better at dealing with conflict. You know, there's been plenty of husband and wives who are arguing about what they're going to do, where they're going to go.

And, you know, ladies, quite frankly, they can get pretty frazzled, you know, if they're having a fight with their husband while they're trying to drive somewhere, you know, whereas a man can turn it all off and pay more attention and like, it just, it's just how we're made, you know?

So I think, you know, as a matter of wisdom, it's better for men to bear that responsibility to get your family from one place to the next, but it is an exercise of leadership. And I don't think that we're insane by making certain assumptions when you view couples along those lines.

It is no shock that when you, you know, you're dead set on smashing the pay hierarchy, that all of these, you know, standard expectations about, you know, who's going to drive are the first kind of things to go, if that makes sense.

Functional Leadership in the Family

Yeah. Um, I'll keep going. Well, yeah, no, I was just going to say, if you want to know, like, if you want to test about who really is the leader in a family, like there's simple things that everyone think are just arbitrary, but they're actually very telling.

If you want to know who is the functional leader in the family, not just the stated leader. One of them is who's the one who drives the car everywhere you go. I mean, that's a, like, you can tell a lot about a couple by who's the one driving.

Who's who's the one assuming the responsibility to get your family from one place to the other bearing that responsibility. Um, you know, particularly when it's hard, you know, when it's dark, when, uh, it's the low visibility and everything else, like who's the one bearing that responsibility, uh, who do the kids go to?

If you have a lot of kids, who are the kids go to ask permission to do things when you're both home? You know, if they're always going to the wife, she's the one in charge. That's who they've identified as the one who makes all the decisions.

She's in charge. Um, you know, so there's that, if you have, like, if you're on a family outing, who's the one who is leading the way and who's the one following, right? So if you see a man, like walking behind the family, staring at his phone as the wife, you know, takes them everywhere they're supposed to go, you know, who's in charge of that relationship.

And so, I mean, these are just normal things that, I mean, they're practical tells to tell you who's, who's really in charge of this thing. And that's going to be the one who's taking initiative because that's what leadership and authority is about.

It's about taking initiative, bearing responsibility, um, and actually functionally leading. And so that's just a good picture of leadership and responsibility initiative.

Manhood, Wisdom, and the Limits of Sin Language

Now, are you saying that if a woman drives her husband around, it's a sin?

I, I feel emasculated if my wife drives me around, like I feel, I mean, like even on trips, you know, even on long trips where it may be helpful to switch out, I feel emasculated. I do. But I'm not trying to say it's a sin.

I'm just trying to say, I can conceive of certain arrangements. Like if I got crippled, then my wife would have to drive me around and I'd have to get over it. I'd have to swallow my pride and get over it kind of thing.

I mean, um, but, you know, generally speaking, I, I, I want to be the one that is responsible for our safety of my family and getting us where we have to go. And I want those to be few and far between.

And I mean, there's a place for, Hey, you know, I'm going to sleep for a second. Cause, um, so we can make some more progress kind of thing. But I mean, you know, like even think about like that trip dynamic and, you know, all right, you assume you're going to switch out, you know, who's going to be the one driving in the middle of the night, you know, you and her where there's more temptations to sleep, you know, fall asleep.

And it's like, you know, all right, I guess if someone has to do the hard thing, the man should be the one who's doing the hard thing. So it's not, I mean, I, I don't think there's, um, it's, um, it's not some kind of, you know, law and the Bible.

It's just one of those wisdom kind of things. Pete. Yeah.

Biblical Application of Everyday Roles

Yeah. It's, it's sort of one of those things that, you know, obviously there's plenty of things that the Bible doesn't talk about. The Bible doesn't tell us, you know, what specifically to post on Facebook, for example.

Right. But then the Bible does tell us how to conduct ourselves as Christians. And then we should be able to look at what the Bible commands of us and then apply that to what, you know, we post online.

Right. And, and this is just another one of those examples. Obviously there's no Bible verse that says, you know, that, you know, thou shalt not let the woman drive the cart, you know, but you are the leader, you know, and so, yeah, right, right.

You are the leader. And so there's obviously plenty of Bible verses that speak to the husband being the leader of the family. And then this is just one of those, one of the, you know, practical applications of those commands.

Right.

Feminism and the Reversal of Ordinary Expectations

Yeah. It's just a very obvious, very obvious, no intelligence required whatsoever before feminism kind of things that the person who's the leader, the person who's bearing the responsibility, the person who's in charge, you know, that person is gonna be the one who's driving.

Yeah. So they're the one calling the shots. They're the one getting you from there, here to there. So it's just stuff, you know, you can argue for, yeah, I mean, maybe there's exceptions to it, but you know, people are not fools for understanding that this is just a natural outworking of all the commands to be a protector, a provider, a leader.

It's just a natural outworking of that. And it's no shock that you live in a society right now that doesn't want anything to do with that. And now it's way more common to see a lady driving a man around than it ever was before.

And it's not as if we've gotten godlier, you know, as a society and more biblical, it's the exact opposite. And so why do you think this is gone? Well, it's gone because, you know, we want women in charge.

Okay. Fair enough.

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