The Twin Pillars of a Godly Marriage - Introduction

Kootenai Church

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Well, good morning to you. I'm glad you're here this morning.

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We're all bright -eyed and bushy -tailed, huh? It's good. We did have a good day yesterday, you bet, you bet.

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Well, let's pray. Ask the Lord's enablement for us to hear his word this morning.

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Father, thank you for the time to be together. We are very grateful for this opportunity.

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We're grateful for this place where we can sit in comfortable seats in a temperature -controlled room with lighting that is adequate for us to see, even for the old eyes.

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Father, all of these just wonderful but temporal blessings are but mere reminders of your kindness and goodness and faithfulness to us as your children.

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We pray now, our Father, that we might hear your word with listening ears.

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Please, may your spirit help us as we listen to apply what we hear, in Jesus' name, amen.

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All right, well, the year was 966

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B .C. 966 B .C., and the new king of Israel began construction on a magnificent temple that was to become one of the wonders of the ancient world.

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In the process of building that temple, King Solomon hired a man, a craftsman from Tyre, by the name of Hiram, and he hired

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Hiram specifically to come and to oversee the intricate and beautiful bronze work that decorated that temple.

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Specifically, we are told in the scriptures that Hiram fashioned two hollow pillars, two hollow pillars from bronze that stood 27 feet tall and had a circumference of 18 feet.

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These two pillars were placed on either side of the entrance to the temple, and they were so splendid and evoked such awe that they were actually named.

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They were given names. The pillar on the left was named Boaz, and the pillar on the right was named

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Jachin. Boaz and Jachin. In the Hebrew word,

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Boaz means in it is strength. And the word

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Jachin means he shall establish. In it is strength, and he shall establish.

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And these names were designed to be reminders to the nation of God's promises to the house of David.

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Those promises, of course, are found in the terms of the Davidic covenant that we could locate in 2

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Samuel chapter seven, verses eight through 17. Now why am

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I telling you about two bronze pillars, you might ask, and that would be a good question.

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Why am I? And the reason is is because the next topic in our study together has much in common with these pillars.

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It has much in common with them. Open your Bibles to the fifth chapter of Ephesians, the fifth chapter of Paul's letter to the church at Ephesus, and just let your eye fall to verse 22 as a verbal place marker, a verbal place marker.

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The subject before us is biblical authority and submission. Biblical authority and submission, and I have named them the twin pillars of a godly marriage.

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Biblical authority and submission, the twin pillars of a godly marriage.

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Now, just as Boaz and Jachin reminded Israel of God's covenant promise to David, so a properly understood, faithfully embraced, and practically lived out marriage is, in which biblical authority and submission are displayed, provides a wonderful reminder of God's covenant promise of the gospel.

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As Boaz and Jachin were beautiful, otherworldly creations, so a biblical marriage built on godly authority and submission is beautiful and otherworldly.

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As the pillars were a constant but unspeaking witness to Yahweh, so these modern two pillars are a constant but silent witness to the glory of Israel's Messiah, the

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Lord Jesus Christ. Although Boaz and Jachin were merely ornamental and did not hold up the temple building, the twin pillars of biblical authority and submission are very much foundational and essential to hold up God's design for marriage.

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So, this morning, this morning's lesson is an introduction. It is an introduction, and it is an introduction to what will be a multi -part series.

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And in providing this introduction, I want to look with you at four preliminary ideas.

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Four preliminary ideas relating to the topic of biblical authority and submission that are foundational to all of our future studies.

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So, laying a foundation this morning in these four ideas. Okay? So, without further ado, the first foundational idea.

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This is a difficult topic. This is a difficult topic.

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Why? Why is that so? It's probably a good idea to acknowledge right up front that this study is and will be a challenging one for both husbands and wives.

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Biblical authority and submission within marriage is ground zero for the long war against the word of God.

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It is ground zero for this long war. That which once existed predominantly outside the evangelical church, has since the 1980s made its way in under the guise of evangelical feminism.

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Evangelical feminism. This growing and increasingly vocal group of evangelicals react very strongly against the position that Paul presents here in Ephesians 5 and beginning in verse 22.

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And they have been very active, very active in their writing and their teaching against the position of male leadership in both the home and the church.

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Very active. Without a question, now, some of the backlash is a result of the many faulty and sinful expressions of male leadership.

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That's true. And it's a long history of male leadership in which there has been a measure of the degradation of women and the treating of women as second class citizens.

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That is not deniable either. I have neither time nor inclination to peel back all the layers of that onion.

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Neither time nor inclination. But let me simply say this. The fallenness of the messenger does not invalidate the truthfulness of the message.

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The fallenness of the messenger does not invalidate the truthfulness of the message.

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We're gonna combine ourselves here for the most part in this whole discussion to the biblical authority and submission within the context of the

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Christian marriage and the home. That's where we're focused, okay? Which is the subject of Ephesians chapter five beginning in verse 22, running all the way to chapter six in verse nine.

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That's what we have before us. Now, as we go through the study together, it is likely to elicit a variety of responses.

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So let's just acknowledge that up front. For some, it will provoke many practical questions and we will endeavor to answer those questions along the way.

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However, if you have questions that arise in your mind as we can study together, then please email them to me.

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That's how I wanna handle them. I would like to get them by email, or if you don't email, write them down and hand them to me so that I have a chance to at least think about them before popping off and then regretting it, okay?

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So I'd like the answers to be considered.

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I think that'd be wise for all of us, okay? So I want to encourage questions. I'm not trying to shut it down.

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The answer may be, hang on, we'll get there. But it may be that, wow, that's a really good question and we need to address it.

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And we will make every endeavor to do that, okay? But just give me some time. Okay, so for others, for others, this whole study is going to dredge up some very painful memories.

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It is going to dredge up some very painful memories of homes and marriages where these biblical truths were ignored, where these biblical truths have been ignored or twisted into ugly caricatures.

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I pray that the truth of the scriptures, skillfully applied by God's gracious spirit, will heal the old wounds, will heal them, okay?

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Still others, perhaps new to the faith, will have a number of secular presuppositions that need to give way before the gentle authority of the scriptures, a number of secular presuppositions that will need to give way before the gentle authority of the word of God.

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But likely, likely, the biggest reason why this is such a difficult topic is because it cuts against our sinful self -inclination.

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Our sinful self -inclination by which we seek to align relationships in such a way that they serve us and make our life easy, that is the sinful inclination of our hearts to align all of our relationships in such a way that they serve us, that they make our life easy.

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But this orientation is diametrically opposed to our new life in Christ, diametrically opposed.

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Beloved Jesus said in Mark chapter 10 and verse 45, for even the

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Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and give his life a ransom for many.

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Therefore, therefore we will never understand biblical authority and submission, much less experience its beautiful fruit, unless and until we begin to take

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Jesus' words to heart. He did not come to be served.

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We as his children should expect nothing less from ourselves. We are here to serve.

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We are here to serve. So this is a difficult topic.

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Second, I've got him crying already.

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I've just barely begun. Second, the context, the context of Ephesians chapter five and verse 22 and following.

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Let's just read it. We'll do it. Let's read it. Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the

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Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the savior of the body.

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But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

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Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless.

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So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.

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He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ also does the church because we are members of his body.

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For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.

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This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

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Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

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Children, okay, forget the chapter break here. Children, obey your parents in the

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Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.

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Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the

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Lord. Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh with fear and trembling in the sincerity of your heart as to Christ, not by way of eye service as men pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart.

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With good will, render service as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the

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Lord, whether slave or free. Masters, do the same things, excuse me, to them and give up threatening, knowing that both their master and yours is in heaven and there is no partiality with him.

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Paul's instructions here beginning in verse 22 continues the kind of basic moral instruction that Paul believes is necessary for a wide audience of Gentile believers.

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People who have left the blind groping of moral darkness and are being radically transformed by the gospel, they need this instruction in order for their lives to reflect in these important relational relationships, the transformation of the gospel itself.

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We're the same way, it's true of us. We need this instruction because we too have been rescued from the moral darkness and the blind groping of our lives before Christ.

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And we are all in process of being transformed and we need it, we need it, so we need the teaching.

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Remember now, just contextually, this whole section is predicated on verse 15, walking in wisdom, right?

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Be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise. That kind of is the predicate that stands all over the top of this whole thing.

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And ultimately, the walking of wisdom is to, verse 18 tells us, to be continually filled by the spirit.

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So it's walk in wisdom. What does that look like? It means being filled by the spirit. What does that look like?

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And then it begins to play out. The filling by the spirit works itself out.

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First inside the church, right, verses 19 to 21, and then inside the home, beginning in verse 22 and running through chapter six and verse nine.

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This is the structure of Paul's instruction here for us. This is how it fits together.

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Therefore, we can rightly say that the proper exercise of biblical authority and submission in the marriage relationship is both impossible without the filling by the spirit, and is a necessary outcome of that filling.

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It is impossible without the filling by the spirit, and it is a necessary outcome of that filling, the transformation of the marriage.

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It's just as essential as true worship, to true worship as singing and thanksgiving are, which we looked at last week in verses 19 to 21, right?

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It's essential. Let me say it right here, right now.

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To fail in these areas is to sin. To fail in these areas is to sin.

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To fail to exercise biblical authority is to sin, gentlemen.

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To fail to exercise biblical submission, ladies, is to sin.

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It is. And as such, when we fail, and we do and will, we do and we will, when we fail, we must repent, we must return to the gospel for its cleansing, and the spiritual strength to bring this area of our lives under the lordship of Christ.

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This is the Christian life. The Christian life is the life of repenting.

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It is the life of repentance that is entered through that, and it is the continual reality of it, okay?

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And there's none of us who do not need to repent in these areas regularly.

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See the aforementioned reason why this is an important study. Now, structurally, let's take some look at the structure here a little bit more.

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This whole section, 522 to 619, it's addressed to three different sets of relationships.

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Three different sets of relationships are taken up in turn. The first is the husband -wife. The second is the parent -child, and the third is the master -slave.

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And Paul takes up these relationships in turn and according to a discernible pattern.

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There is a discernible pattern in how he addresses it. So, let's take a look at that.

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He begins first by identifying the individual being addressed. He begins there.

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So notice verse 22, it's wives. Chapter six, verse one, children.

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Chapter six, verse five, slaves. He addresses first those who are doing the submitting.

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King, that's his pattern, right? Wives, children, slaves.

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He addresses those three groups in turn first. Then he follows that with instructions to the authority figure in each of those relationships with regard to their responsibilities in that relationship.

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So he addresses the party called to submit first, then addresses the responsible party with regard to how they are to conduct themselves in that relationship, okay?

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That's the pattern. There's also a command that is given. There's a command given to each of the parties that are called upon to submit.

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So verse 22, be subject to your own husband. Verse one, chapter six, obey your parents.

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Verse five, chapter six, be obedient to your masters. So he addresses the person called upon to submit first, then addresses the person in authority of that relationship and their responsibility.

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He issues a command, and the command is the same to all three, be subject to, obey, be obedient.

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Okay, it's variations of it, but it's essentially the same command. And then he gives a reason. He provides a reason for the command.

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Verse 23, the reason for the wives is, for the husband is the head of the wife.

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That's the reason. The husband is the head of the wife. We got a lot to say about that.

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Again, verse one, chapter six, the reason for the command to children is, for this is right.

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For this is right. That's the reason children are called to obey, for this is right.

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And then chapter six and verse six, the reason for the slaves to obey is, it is the will of God.

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It is the will of God. That is the reason for the command, right? So the reason for the command given to wives are, be subject, excuse me, because the husband is the head of the wife.

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The reason the children are to be obedient to their parents is because it is right. And the reason that slaves are to be obedient to their masters is because it is the will of God.

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Those are the reasons given by Paul. Fourth, okay, so we have the individual identified, we have the command given, we have the reason for the command.

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Fourth, we have a worship motivation. A worship motivation to encourage obedience to the command.

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Okay, notice that. That's a pastoral approach to things, by the way. He could have just stopped with the command and said, thus saith the

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Lord, that's it, you don't need anything else. But he provides a kind of a pastoral support to this.

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And he does it with a worship motivation, a worship motivation. He lifts people's eyes up.

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And in doing that, it empowers obedience to the command.

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Notice it, verse 22, as to the Lord. As to the

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Lord. For children, it's verses two and three.

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It's the fifth commandment. It's the fifth commandment. And then finally, for slaves, as, or yeah, in verse five, as to Christ.

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See that? As to Christ. So there is a worship motivation that underlies this command, okay?

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So that's Paul's teaching methodology in this, and to the extent that I can follow it,

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I intend to. While biblical authority and submission are twin pillars of a godly marriage, we will also see later that they also underpin all of the household relationships, okay?

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They're all underpinned by this. Third foundational statement.

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It's with regard to the New Testament teaching on headship and submission. Okay, we'll look with you at the idea of headship and submission in the

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New Testament, okay? This is a foundational idea for our future studies. We need to understand what is headship, what is submission, what does it mean?

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The New Testament, the New Testament discusses the functioning of a Christian household in a number of passages.

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We won't look at them, you can write them down and check them out on your own if you'd like. Here they are. Colossians chapter three, verses 18, through chapter four, verse one.

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Colossians 3 .18 to 4 .1. First Timothy, chapter three, verses one through seven.

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Titus, chapter one, verses five through nine. And chapter two, verses two through 10.

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First Peter, chapter two, verse 18, through chapter three, verse seven.

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And then the longest one in the New Testament found here in Ephesians chapter five, beginning in verse 22 and running all the way through chapter six and verse nine, okay?

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So there they all are. One of the themes that runs through these passages is that of headship and submission, headship and submission.

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So as we work together here on laying the foundation, let's examine these words in their

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New Testament usage and see what we can learn. Let's see what we can learn. So let's look first at headship, headship.

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The word translated head is kephele. It means authority over or ruler.

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It means authority over or ruler. Wayne Grudem in his 1985 extensive study of secular

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Greek in which he encompasses 2 ,336 examples of the word kephele rightly concludes the following.

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Now I'll repeat this statement, okay? Here it is. When person A is said to be the head of person

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B, kephele means person A is in authority over person

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B. Let me repeat it. When person A is said to be the head of person

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B, kephele or translated head means a person

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A is in authority over person B. That's what it means.

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The concept of headship is used to refer to both relations within the

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Godhead as well as Christ's relationship to the church. This stamps headship with the divine imprimatur of holiness.

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It stamps it with holiness. Now let's look at some passages together, okay?

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So turn with me to 1 Corinthians 11 .3. 1

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Corinthians 11 .3 where we find our first example. 1

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Corinthians 11 .3, Paul writes, but I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man and the man is the head of a woman and God is the head of Christ.

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1 Corinthians 11, God the Father is the head of Christ.

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He's the head of Christ. He's in authority over Christ, Paul says. Ephesians 1 .22

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where we read that Christ is head over all things, 1 .22,

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and he that is God the Father put all things in subjection under his feet,

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Christ's feet, and gave him, that is Christ, as head over all things to the church, head over all things to the church.

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Chapter four and verse 15, Christ is head of the church, but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into him who is the head, even

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Christ. He's the head. Chapter five, verse 23, the husband is the head of his wife as Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the savior of the body.

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Christ is the head of the church. He's in authority over the church. So, kephale, headship, it means authority.

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It's not disputable, it is not disputable, okay? What kind of authority?

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How it plays out? Oh, we got lots to talk about, gentlemen. Believe me, we got lots to talk about, but it means authority, okay?

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Now, submission. Submission, the word submission, hupotasso, it means, and here it is, to be subject to someone else's authority, to be subject to someone else's authority.

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This is the only meaning for this word in all Greek literature, both

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Christian and non -Christian. Okay, it's the only meaning of this word. It does not mean source, it does not mean to be considerate and thoughtful of someone else, it does not mean to care for someone else, it does not mean to put someone else's interests first.

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Those are all ideas that have been offered by evangelical feminists for the word hupotasso, but it does not mean that, it does not mean that, okay?

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It means to be subject to someone else's authority. So now we have it, these are the twin pillars.

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Biblical authority, headship, kephale, and biblical submission to be under someone's authority.

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This is what it is, okay? I can tell by the non -smiling faces around me that you're a bit set back in your seats, but it's okay,

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I get it, let's continue. The word hupotasso always, always, always implies a one -directional submission to someone in authority.

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It always implies a one -directional submission to someone in authority.

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We can see it in the many, many uses of hupotasso in the New Testament, let's look at a few of them together.

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So go to Luke's gospel, chapter two and verse 51.

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Luke chapter two and verse 51. Remember this?

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This is the account where they lost the Messiah. Mary and Joseph are behind themselves, they've lost the

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Messiah, and they find him again. And Mary, attempting to perhaps scold him just a bit.

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But anyway, verse 51, he went down with them and came to Nazareth, and he continued, here it is, in subjection to them, and his mother treasured all these things in her heart.

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Jesus was in subjection to Joseph and Mary, hupotasso.

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Subject to their authority, subject to their authority. Chapter 10 and verse 17.

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We have demons said to be in subjection to Christ.

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Luke 10, 17. The 70 returned with joy, this is when

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Jesus had sent out the 70, right, to spread the news that the Messiah is here, the kingdom is at hand.

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Heal the sick, raise the dead, you know, cast out demons. The 70 returned with joy, saying, Lord, even the demons are subject to us in your name.

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Even the demons are subject to us, they are under our authority in your name. Romans chapter 13 and verse one, citizens to government.

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Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.

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First Corinthians chapter 15 and verse 27, where the creation is spoken of as being in subjection to Christ.

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1527, for he that would be the father has put all things in subjection under his feet, under the feet of Christ, but when he says all things are put in subjection, it is evident that he is accepted who put all things in subjection to him.

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In other words, the father puts all things under the authority of Christ, but the father himself is not under the authority of Christ.

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Verse 28, specifically Christ to the father. When all things are subjected to him, then the son himself also will be subjected to the one who subjected all things to him, so that God may be all in all.

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We've read it a bunch of times, but it doesn't hurt us to read it again. Ephesians chapter five, verse 22, wives to their own husbands.

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Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. 522, by the way, the idea is spoken of also in Colossians 3 .18,

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Titus 2 .5, 1 Peter 3 .1, and five, so it's repeated five times.

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524, the church to Christ. The church is subject to Christ, but the church under the authority of Christ.

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Titus 2 .9, Titus 2 .9, servants or slaves to masters.

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Urge bond slaves to be subject to their own masters in everything, to be well -pleasing, not argumentative, not pilfering, but showing all good faith so that they will adorn the doctrine of God our

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Savior in every respect. We've got one here that we've been taught on at length in Hebrews chapter 12 and verse nine.

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Christians to God the Father. Paul, or not Paul, excuse me, well, maybe Paul. Hebrews chapter nine, excuse me, chapter 12 and verse nine, pardon me.

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Hebrews chapter 12 and verse nine. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them, shall we not much rather be subject to the

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Father of spirits and live? And one more, 1

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Peter 5 .5, 1 Peter 5 .5, church members to elders. You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders.

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And all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

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Okay, it's always one directional submission, okay? Always one directional.

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So, therefore, we can emphatically say that when the scriptures speak of headship and submission in marriage, they are very clearly prescribing two very distinct roles.

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They are clearly prescribing, not just describing, but prescribing two very distinct roles.

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They are not interchangeable. For the husband, that is a position of authority within the marriage relationship.

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It is the position of authority within the marriage relationship. For the wife, it means to line up under that authority, to line up under that authority.

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Fourth, fourth foundational idea for our study. Turn to Galatians chapter three and verse 28.

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If you have done in the past any reading on this whole topic, you have undoubtedly encountered what about Galatians 3 .28,

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what about it? Frequently in discussions of headship and submission, someone will bring it up.

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They will bring up Galatians 3 .28. With the idea that this verse and its stirring statement of Christian equality destroys any hierarchy in marriage.

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Let's read the verse 3 .28. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

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For those with a bent towards evangelical feminism, they believe that Paul in this verse is destroying hierarchy in marriage.

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There are so many problems with that statement, I scarcely know where to begin. But let's just begin with this.

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Is marriage even remotely connected in this context? Is marriage even remotely here?

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What about the book, what is the book of Galatians? What's it about? The book of Galatians is about the gospel.

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It's about the gospel and the Christian's relationship to the law. In Galatians 3 .26

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to 29, let's go ahead and read the fuller section. For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus.

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By the way, does that bother you, ladies? To be called a son of God? Good, but it doesn't bother me to be called a bride of Christ.

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I don't find that troublesome.

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Actually, and we'll probably develop this somewhat, there is such incredible glory and blessing in the terminology to be a son of God.

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Right, there's a place to call yourselves children of God, but to be a son of God is something amazing.

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Anyway, that's for free. For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus.

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For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither

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Jew nor Greek. There is neither slave nor free man. There is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

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And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's descendants, heirs according to promise.

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What Paul is arguing here is that the human distinctions, such as ethnicity or status or gender, which under, excuse me, gender, okay?

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Yes, I am from Massachusetts, right? And we have a rule called the law of the conservation of ours and it works simply like this.

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Sometimes R's get left off of some words, but they can't free float in the universe so they get attached to other ones, okay?

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Like Martha, okay, you ready? That's what you're hearing, okay?

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It's the way it is. Where am I now? Here we go. The human distinctions, such as ethnicity or status or gender, the old boundaries under the law, they kept people separated from God, have now been spiritually obliterated through our faith union with Christ and we have all become, verse 26, sons of God.

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That's what Paul's talking about. Paul says it this way, addressing the same idea in Colossians chapter three, verse 11, when referring to our new status as members of Christ's body, he says, here there is not a

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Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian,

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Scythian, slave, free, but Christ is all and in all, okay?

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The spiritual distinctions are obliterated in the gospel, but the roles of men and women are not, they are not.

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So when it comes to spiritual advantage, based on our human situation, there is none.

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There is none. All must come to God in the same way. All come to God in the same way.

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We come by recognizing his authority and admitting our own failure in an ability to love him and live according to his holy standards.

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We come believing that because of his mercy, love, and grace, God sent his perfect son, Jesus Christ, into this world to give his life as a ransom for us, dying on that cross in our place and reconciling us back to the

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Father. We come by believing and embracing the good news that God the

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Father was satisfied with the sacrifice and raised his son from the dead on the third day so that in union with him, we too might have everlasting life.

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We come by rejoicing in the reality that when we believed, the Father sent his

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Holy Spirit to live within us, to slowly change us to become like Jesus, flooding our hearts with love for Christ and a desire to read his word and to be obedient to his commands.

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Some of those commands concern the roles and structures within the home. Some of those commands concern those things.

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We have much to learn together in the weeks ahead, much to learn.

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May God's Holy Spirit teach us as we undertake the study together. Our Father, we have dipped our toe into this pool of amazing truth and we pray as we continue in the weeks to come to wade in and the water gets deeper as it were that you would meet us there, each of us.

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Meet us in our fears. Meet us in our sorrows. Meet us in our regrets.

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Meet us in our sin with the gospel and strengthen us, deepen us.

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Renew within us the faith to move forward, to change what needs to be changed.

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For husbands to begin to understand, perhaps even for the first time in certain aspects, how to love, what does it mean?

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And for wives to understand the beauty, the glory and the safety in submission to God.

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Submission to a biblical authority. Oh Lord, do your good work, we pray for Jesus' sake, amen.