How Do I Effectively Mansplain to Emotional Women?

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People are tired of hearing nothing but doom and despair on the radio.

The message of Christianity is that salvation is found in Christ alone, and any who reject

Christ therefore forfeit any hope of salvation, any hope of heaven.

The issue is that humanity is in sin, and the wrath of almighty

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They will hear his words, they will not act upon them, and when the floods of divine judgment, when the fires of wrath

come, they will be consumed and they will perish.

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died on the cross for sin, was resurrected on the third day, has ascended to the right hand

of the Father, where he sits now to make intercession for us.

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of divine judgment come in that final day, their house will stand.

Welcome to Bible Bash, where we aim to equip the saints for the works of ministry by answering the questions you're not allowed to ask.

We're your hosts, Harrison Kerrig and Pastor Tim Mullett, and today we'll seek to answer the age -old question, how do

I effectively mansplain to emotional women?

Now, I just want to go ahead and tell you guys that this is probably...

See, Tim has lost it.

Tim's already lost it.

This is like the third or the fourth time that I've recorded this intro because

Tim has just not been able to keep it together while I read it.

And then his laughter makes me start laughing, and so I would start laughing right at the beginning of the intro.

So this is like attempt four right now.

Tim is just not keeping it together.

Okay, so the title question is, how do I effectively mansplain to emotional women?

I don't know if it's just my deadpan presentation of that question that's getting

you or what it is.

So normally what we do with these kinds of episodes is we typically, if there's been some sort of

inspiration or something that's happened that motivated us to cover

a specific topic for an episode, we typically take the time to sort of spell that out for you guys and

explain what that situation was.

And we want to do that with this because there was a specific situation that did happen that motivated

our desire to cover this topic.

But instead of explaining it to you, we thought it would be a little more helpful to just

show it to you and let you listen to what happened.

Because I think if we just try to explain it, it'll lose some of the

impact that is there when you just watch

this clip.

And so I'm going to show you a clip from a, I guess we'll just call

it a conversation that happened between Chris

Kdub is what I think what he goes by online and on his podcast.

But Chris had a, he hosted Joe Luman.

I think that's how you say her last name.

I don't know if I'm mispronouncing it.

I'm sorry.

I just, I'm not sure.

I think it's Luman though.

He invited her onto his show to talk about

a tweet that she had put out.

And I've forgotten now what it was, but it was basically something along the lines of people don't need Jesus in

order to be saved.

And so they were talking about that.

And here they're not actually covering that topic.

They're covering women pastors right now in this conversation.

The conversation kind of weaves and bobs through a few different issues.

And so we wanted to just take some time to play this clip to sort of set up this

mansplaining episode.

So let's go ahead and take a listen.

And the Bible says that a woman pastoring other people is in sin.

It is a violation of what God has said.

Absolutely.

No, it's not.

Want me to bring up the verse?

Are you going to bring up Timothy?

Because come on, man.

Because come on, man.

That was specifically for the church of Corinthians.

And you know that.

All right.

And if you don't know that, that's very concerning.

Okay.

I don't need you to quote the verse.

I have written about that.

That's your claim.

Actually, I wasn't going to Timothy.

For God is not a God of confusion, but a peace, as in all the churches of the saints.

The women should keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak, should be in submission, as the law says.

So this is clearly a verse teaching the submissiveness of the wife, which is not just in one

church.

He says in all the churches.

Okay.

It just denied what you just said about it.

Just being in one church.

No.

All the churches.

Was that for Corinthians or not?

No.

He said all the churches.

Okay.

You know what?

I'm going to keep preaching and I'm going to keep asking with or without your permission.

So it doesn't even matter.

I mean, I knew it didn't matter.

I have to be.

I have to be faithful to God, not to you.

And that's the supremacy that you think that I have to be faithful to.

You.

Okay.

Let me bring us back here.

So you can see us.

So Tim.

What just happened?

What did we just witness right there?

Yeah.

Well, I think there's a lot of things that you could say about that related to that kind of topic.

But I mean, that's certainly just an example of an individual who has a position essentially that

she is trying to maintain that women preachers are fine and they're okay.

And, you know, facts, logic, reason, have absolutely nothing to do with

the, you know, the conclusion that she's going to draw at that point.

Since you can present her with irrefutable evidence that her position is.

Wrong,.

But then she'll double down on that and essentially just communicate what she wants to communicate and, you

know, it takes offense along the way.

So, you know, that's, that's a, that's an example of just a conversation with, you know, between a

man and a woman where in that kind of instance, the lady is certainly not

being governed by reason or logic at that point.

Right. Yeah.

And I think the thing that I really want to point out in that clip is, so Chris, he's, he's pulling up a

specific verse.

So he, you know, he's proving a point.

He's proving the point that the Bible teaches that women can't be pastors.

Right.

So that's his point.

And he's going to a specific passage.

And what did he say?

First Corinthians, I think.

Where Paul basically says, you know, the women, he, I charge.

Women are to keep silent.

Women are supposed to keep silent.

This is for all of the churches.

Those, those are the two specific points of the argument that prove his, his claim.

Right.

And, and then.

First Corinthians 14, 33, essentially to 34.

So.

Right.

God has got, I got a confusion, but a piece.

As in all the churches of the saints, the women should keep silent in the churches for they are not permitted to speak, but should be in

submission as law also says.

Right.

And so, so her response doesn't address

that passage at all.

Right.

She just, she totally ignores it.

And instead she just starts saying, Hey, I know what God told me.

I need to be a pastor.

I'm going to keep doing what I need to do.

You're just, you're just trying to make, you're just trying to make me bow down to you.

Right.

Right.

And, and that's clearly not the point.

He's, he's not saying bow down to me.

He's saying bow down.

Bow down to the Bible.

Right.

Bow down to scripture, bow down to what God has actually said.

And she just simply doesn't address that at all.

And so, so I guess the question then becomes, you know,

in that sort of scenario, I mean, how, how do you effectively mansplain?

I think, well, yeah.

Yeah.

I think in that kind of scenario that, I mean, there's, there's plenty of scenarios like that that can happen.

I think, you know, as you're on Twitter in particular, you know, some of this

is, you know, if I could just step back for a minute, some of this is essentially, there are male female

dynamics that are happening there, but then this isn't, you know, there are also other

dynamics that are happening where this is just, you know, arguing with the liberal in a

certain sense too.

And so there's a, there's a lot of things that are happening there that it's hard to isolate.

But then in particular, I think one of the things that you want to think about in, you know, if you're asking the question,

well, how do you effectively mansplain in that kind of situation?

I think that, that assumes the permissibility of mansplaining and we may want to talk about

that at some point.

But then, but then, you know, mansplaining is one of those outrageous things, but there are

certainly situations that men should realize that they might find themselves in.

People should find themselves in in general where facts and logic and reasoning and explaining things

simply, you know, come up empty.

So, I mean, I think I've been the type of person that, you know, I have made

this error throughout my life in a variety of different situations.

And, you know, sometimes it seems like this is uniquely in some sense, the kind of thing that can happen in

male female interactions and we can talk about that.

That's not like every single male female interaction isn't characterized by that kind of thing.

But there are times where, you know, you need to realize that you can explain something all day long

and you're not dealing with the problem of, you know, you're not dealing with like an intellectual problem in a certain sense.

And there are other things that are happening there and that go beyond just, you know,

you being able to say something in the perfect way in order to get an outcome.

And so sometimes it really doesn't matter what you're saying.

Even like you're just dealing with an individual who, for whatever reason,

just is either hardened to the truth or just simply can't hear what you're saying.

And there's really no way to do it, you know.

So I think, you know, at a certain level, without wading into all the particulars, there are scenarios where you just

realize that explaining, you know, mansplaining, it just is a tool that

isn't going to get you very far, you know.

Yeah, so why don't we walk it back a little bit and you just explain to us

what mansplaining actually is.

So do us a favor and mansplain what mansplaining is.

The best way to do that would be if you would like self -identify as a woman.

If you could self -identify, then I could, you know, fully take on the role of mansplaining,

you know.

Yeah, no, mansplaining is just...

What the word is intended to mean is it's when a man explains something to a woman in a patronizing way.

Or he says something to her in a way that, you know, insults her intelligence or demeans her in a

certain sense.

But then part of the problem is, like we're living in a society right now, that anytime a man explains anything to a woman, that's

essentially being lumped into this category of mansplaining.

And so there really isn't much of a place in our society for the idea of mansplaining in general.

I mean, mansplaining is just like one of those weird words that's come up that basically

is...

Like it's the product of critical theory and it problematizes just normal interactions between men and women

in general.

And so, you know, it does have a, you know, a...

It is a word that has a specific meaning like anytime a man does explain something to a woman in a patronizing way.

But then really in common usage, anytime a man explains anything to a woman, it's going to be considered mansplaining.

And it seems like one of those things that it can't...

You know, it's sort of like you mentioned critical theory, which

teaches this idea.

And I've interacted with some people who have told me this recently, that essentially, you know, if you're

a black person, you can't be racist towards a white person, right?

And so in the same way, it seems like with the idea of mansplaining, there is no

such thing as womansplaining, right?

Right, right.

Why is that?

Well, yeah, I mean, so part of it is like...

And you're picking up on something that really we do need to talk about.

There is no concept of womansplaining because these are terms that develop

through the worldview of critical theory.

And the worldview of critical theory essentially...

What critical theory does is it problematizes every interaction that happens.

Like every normal interaction, there's a problem that's introduced.

And so the world is seen through the lens of these power dynamics.

And men are conceived as being, you know, dominant in our society.

And I mean, for good reason, because God has designed the world in such a way that men are going to ultimately rule one way or another.

But then men are perceived as being in a position of power, because men are perceived as being in a position of

power, that anytime they interact with, you know, women who are seen as being

an oppressed minority, even though there's more women than men, anytime those interactions are happening, there's

fundamentally going to be power dynamics that are at work.

And so then, you know, for a man to explain something to a woman in this framework, it's basically an exercise in patriarchal

dominance over a woman, period, by virtue of the power dynamics that are, you know, supposed to be

implicit in every single one of these interactions.

So the reverse of that can't be true, right?

So the reverse of that can't be true.

It can't be that a woman would womansplain something to a man, like to explain to him something in some sort of

patronizing way, even though that happens all the time, you know?

Oh, yeah, like if you ever watch any sitcom, I mean, you know, the fathers are always

presented as, like, doofuses, basically.

Yeah, the doofuses that need a woman in their life to basically explain to them how to walk and eat and keep going.

Yeah, like, I mean, I'm pretty sure it's a common, you know, episode plot to

have, like, the wife, she's about to go out on, like, a, you know, ladies' night or something, and

the father has to take care of the kids for a whole night by himself, alone, and so she has

to painstakingly explain every single

aspect of how to take care of children by yourself.

And obviously, because of the way the episodes are written, the men are always, like, doofuses that,

yeah, they just stumble through taking care of the children all night long, and then somehow in the end, it all

ends up working out.

But then, you know, it feels like if you flip those genders there,

all of a sudden, you've got a terrible case of mansplaining going on.

Right, well, no, that's the truth, yeah.

Yeah, and I mean, that's kind of, I haven't watched the Marvel series She -Hulk or whatever, but then I listened

to some reviews about it, and it's one of those things where, you know, the reviews basically describe it as

an exercise in terrible writing.

And one of the reasons why it's an exercise in terrible writing is because, you know, essentially, like, She -Hulk comes as a

Hulk, fully formed, right?

Like, not needing anything that Bruce has to offer, despite the fact that Bruce Banner has been Hulk for years and

knows something about the problem and knows something about how to handle it.

Yeah, has fought through world -ending cataclysmic events.

Yeah, I mean, the most natural kind of interaction that you can imagine that would happen with him training

someone who just now acquired this problem that he's had to live through for years and years and years would be that he

would explain the basics to her about how to interact with it.

But then the whole premise of the show, apparently, is that she's strong and capable and independent and doesn't need him to explain anything.

And, you know, more than that, she's better at being a Hulk than he is, you know?

Right, right.

Like, you know, just by virtue of her being a woman and he literally has nothing he could offer her

as far as any way of help because that would just be intolerable to the modern mind.

But that's just an example of how these things actually work in practice.

And so there's no such thing as a woman explaining in that way.

It only goes one direction.

But then, you know, basically anytime a man dares to suggest that he might be

useful to a woman by providing an alternative explanation, that's going to be

viewed under the lens of mansplaining.

Essentially, mansplaining is anytime a man explains anything to a woman that she doesn't necessarily want to

hear.

Yeah, it's going to be viewed as condescending.

Yeah, and even if she wants it, then other people will view that act as condescending for her, you know?

Yeah, the white knights coming in to defend you from the patriarchy you don't know you're suffering from.

Yeah, which is so funny because if you read the passage that K -Dub was mentioning, in the passage you

have an example of the importance of mansplaining, right?

So, for God is not a God of confusion but of peace.

As in all the churches of the saints, a woman should keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak but should be in submission as law.

So it says, if there's anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home.

So you have a verse here that's not only making mansplaining

permissible, but it's advocating it.

As the only option, right?

Right, as the only option, right?

And as if it's something that's necessary that would happen there, and that's where the real scandal is.

And so part of this discussion is about mansplaining in general, and whatever K -Dub was doing he was certainly mansplaining to her

in a way that is intolerable to modern minds.

So part of it's like a mansplaining discussion, part of it's like a, you know, how do you mansplain to emotional women?

And I do want to go out of my way here to say that

when we talk about mansplaining to emotional women, what people

instantaneously hear when you say something like that is that all women are irredeemably

emotional, and all women are irredeemably irrational.

You know, kind of mindless animals or something like that that can't think.

So let me go out of my way to say, I don't know why you would go there with that.

There are women sometimes who get caught up in emotion, who think with their emotions.

This is an example of that kind of thing, and we ought to be able to talk about those kind of examples.

And then it's a very real question men have, like, what do I do when I'm talking to a woman, and

just logic and facts and reason seem to be coming up empty.

And this is the kind of question that no one's really willing to go, to actually describe and give actually helpful

tips.

Like, well, what do you do in those kind of scenarios?

And those are scenarios that are just characteristic of male -female interactions in general across the board.

And I know you're not allowed to say it, but there are times of the month where that's

more prevalent than others, too.

And these are things that happen, and there's not a lot of people out there who are willing to step in and

actually answer, well, what do you do in those kind of scenarios when you're just not able to reason?

And so part of it's that, and then there's also just the reality

that I think as you're on social media in general, one of the things you'll realize is a

lot of people do think with their feels.

They do think in a very emotional way, and it used to be that that's more characteristic of women.

Not all women, but more characteristic of women in general.

But now one of the things that's happened is that the more feminized our culture actually is, the more that men

are starting to think with their emotions in a more pervasive way.

I mean, I remember growing up, I played sports growing up.

I played basketball, I played tennis, I played different sports in high school at a very

competitive level or whatever.

But the kind of guys I was around growing up were a lot of very masculine,

alpha men kind of guys.

And I remember going to seminary, this was some of my first encounter with

guys that were more on the emotional end of the spectrum.

And growing up, you learn to talk with men in a

certain way, and then you realize that male -female interactions are a little bit different.

But I mean, I remember going to seminary, I had certain friends that I would talk to,

and all of a sudden it's just like they're starting to

take offense a lot more readily than I had ever experienced growing up.

In a way that was really weird.

It was really weird like, hey, you haven't called me lately, and

I'm hurt by that.

And it's just like, what in the world is going on?

What has happened?

And I think some of my responses in those moments were like, hey, I

don't have these kind of conversations with men.

I'm sorry, I don't do that.

We don't go there.

So I don't know what's going on here, but no, we don't go there.

Well, that's just a symptom of your toxic masculinity, though.

That's right.

But then the discourse has changed now to where you think about social media and the way

it's working now.

A lot of interactions now are more plagued by the more effeminacy in men is on the rise, the more that

you do see men having a lot more emotional reactions to things.

And so there's male -female interactions here.

There's a man -explaining kind of interaction here.

And then there's practical questions to ask.

How do you interact on social media?

How do you act with significant women in your life?

And hopefully we can talk about some of those things.

Tim, why don't we start with just –.

So you mentioned that typically now I know you said

this is changing more and more as time progresses, but typically women

are more prone to think primarily through their feelings.

Now obviously that's a general statement.

Which generalizations are now –.

You're totally not allowed to make.

So that's another subject that's connected.

So it's a general statement, meaning there are exceptions to that, but then the reason it's a general statement is because it's

typically true.

And men are ideally not supposed to

think that way as much.

They're supposed to be a little more straightforward in their thinking.

So why don't we just start there.

And why don't you explain to us why it is that women are more

prone to think through primarily their feelings?

Yeah, I think there are profound differences in the way that men and women communicate across the

board.

This point was driven home to me early on in life.

You can tell this when you're in grade school and everything else, but then when I was in

college I worked at a bank because there was a job that allowed me to make a lot of money and not work a lot of

hours.

But primarily women work at banks, and part of that's related to just the

test that the banks have in order for you to even get a job there.

A lot of them are geared towards a typical female kind of personality as far as that goes.

But somehow I figured out the right answers.

Yeah, I was about to say, didn't you work at a bank?

I did.

Alpha mentality, man.

I could figure these tests out and know what they want me to say.

So that's my excuse, man.

Okay.

Don't think too much into it.

We'll let the audience decide.

You're overanalyzing this.

It's amazing to watch how women communicate in general.

When I'm sitting there listening to a lot of ladies communicate, a lot of it is small talk.

Ladies are a lot more geared towards small talk, a lot more geared towards chitchat.

I would notice that the conversation would just rapidly change from conversation to conversation

to conversation.

It's just subject change after subject change after subject change.

It wasn't linear.

It was just subject change after subject change.

By the time I had something to add to the conversation, they were like four or five conversations in and there's no point at that point anymore.

So a lot of me working at the bank just involved me listening and trying to figure out if I could tell the

difference between the way that they communicate and the way that men communicate on a normal basis.

Men like to debate, men like to argue, men like to discuss things.

Women typically are more geared towards small talk as far as that goes.

These are not hard and fast rules, obviously, but often ladies can get very uncomfortable

with prolonged, linear kind of

discussions where you stick to one topic over a long period of time.

This is a major problem just between men and women in marriage in general is that a guy has some

sort of expectation that you're going to talk about a subject and you're going to stick to that subject, right?

And you're going to go in an orderly way.

What typically happens is you put a man and a female together who have little experience communicating

and the guy is trying to stick to one topic and pretty soon it's just like the lady has changed the subject like ten times in a row.

But in her mind she hasn't, right?

In her mind it's all connected in certain ways and this can be a profound source of

frustration.

Women by nature are meant to be more nurturing and more compassionate than men.

And so part of this is that the way that God's designed men and women, the roles that

God's designed men and women to perform are just fundamentally different.

He's created us in a way that's different.

So a lot of what's happening, particularly as it relates to social media kind of conversations, is that you have a lot of

ladies who are basically thinking with their emotions, but then part of what they're thinking

is they're thinking through this primary lens of offense, right?

And so whether it's personal offense or offense on behalf of others, what's happened is

that a lot of the contemporary discourse is about protecting weak and

vulnerable people, right?

And sticking up for weak and vulnerable people and thinking about the impact of these words that they may have

on certain individuals.

And when you don't have any check on that, right, then what you have is kind of compassion

that's out of control.

And God's obviously made women to be more compassionate than men, but what you need is you need

both, right?

Right.

So a man on his own typically just can be hard and unyielding and

the Ben Shapiro kind of facts don't care about your feelings kind of thing and just

laid out there and straight talk and all that.

Men can be like what matters is what's true and what's right in this situation, regardless of

any other considerations than women can, because they're oriented to be more nurturing and more compassionate, they can

tend to essentially prioritize the emotional impact of certain

things on other people.

And what you need is you need both, right?

Right.

So you need both in that kind of equation.

What happens when you have a society that basically is suppressing all the

masculine kind of input at every level, then you just get compassion out of control is what can

happen.

And so then you're witnessing the kind of society right now that's basically compassion out of control, right?

So it's all about how everything makes an individual feel over and against

its connection to reality at that point.

And so in the video you mentioned, you have a lady who essentially cares more about the emotional impact of the

words than she does about the truth value at that point.

But that's not obviously symptomatic of all women, because you have women who are commenting on that who can see how

crazy it actually is, right?

But then that's just a female temptation that happens that men have to figure out how they're going to interact with.

It's not exclusively a female temptation, but it's more of a female temptation as far as that

goes.

Right.

So I guess, do you want to go ahead and talk about how do you interact with

that kind of person?

Sure, yeah.

I mean, I guess it just depends on what kind of interaction you're talking about.

Right, yeah.

So if you're Chris, how do you interact with

Joe?

Yeah, well, that's.

What's really interesting is that he's put himself in a spot where he is debating a woman online.

There's a lot of guys who are more on the patriarchal end of things who essentially

would point out that maybe there's something strange about that.

Like it's just not helpful?

Yeah, I mean, so I think because men and women think differently in a lot of

ways.

It used to be that there's an expectation that a man would

not make a spectacle of a woman in that kind of way.

And would try to protect a woman.

And part of that would involve not even debating a woman,

if that makes sense.

Because in a certain sense, you're better qualified to do it

than she would be.

And so now, this is wildly offensive to most people to think about.

Yeah, I can hear people screaming now.

Tim's saying women are too stupid.

I didn't say that.

I just said that debating is normally the province of men.

And that's normally something that God has given men to excel at.

I watched this Good Faith Gospel Coalition

debate between a guy and a lady, Rebecca McLaughlin.

Or however her name is said, I can't remember.

You could tell that the guy was in a little bit of an awkward spot.

Because he spent the whole time basically trying to tiptoe

around with the debate.

He had gloves on the whole time.

And so he ended up being awkward.

And Rebecca, I'm just so thankful for you.

That kind of stuff.

And there's a sense in which debating and things like that are kind of dirty work.

Oh, yeah.

Go watch James White debate someone.

Sometimes people, I think they watch those debates and they kind of get caught a

little off guard.

Because James White and whoever it is that he's debating,

they often will just make statements like, my

opponent has falsely stated X.

Or my opponent is mistaken about whatever.

And so sometimes they present these statements that I think a lot of people, if they had someone

say that about them, their first response would be, let me get offended.

There's nothing objectively offensive about that.

Right.

But if you're thinking through the lens of offense.

Right.

And both people know that.

Neither James White nor his opponent, typically, there are a few cases that I can think of where this

is not true.

But typically, they don't get offended.

They just move on.

Like, okay, that's what they said.

I think they're wrong.

But whatever.

It feels a little weird to just come out and say that same thing

about a woman.

What do you mean?

To be that.

Oh, yeah, it does.

It's the same kind of dynamic that happens if you're thinking about playing basketball at the park

at a pickup game or something like that.

It's the same kind of dynamic where the moment the girl steps on the court and wants

to play, that game fundamentally changed for everyone around them.

Right.

Because guys feel like they have this responsibility to protect a woman.

Not to expose her to shame and scorn and ridicule and everything else.

There's this desire that men have.

It's a God -given desire to try to care for the weaker vessel, to protect the weaker vessel.

And then when a woman steps on the basketball court, all of a sudden,

she may not realize what happened, but with every guy in the basketball court, there's this shift that's just happened.

And if you're the guy who has to guard the girl, you experience it most profoundly.

Because you can't try.

So you have to totally change the way you're playing.

And you're in a lose -lose situation.

If you look like you're trying, everyone's going to rag you for looking like you tried to keep her from scoring.

But then if she scores on you, they're going to rag you even harder.

So then you're in this position where you have to make it look like you're not trying, while

trying hard enough to keep her from making a fool of you.

And sell it to everyone so that you're not going to get ragged either way.

But that's because you have this desire to protect a woman.

And the fact remains, I think, that men spend their whole life learning how to argue and learn how to discuss things.

It's just not the same with women in that way.

So there's differences in the way that we're made.

And a guy really can make a sport out of a lady when it comes to debates.

In the way that K -Dove did.

Yeah, he was exposing the foolishness there for sure.

Right, but then you don't come away.

There's part of you that laughs at it, at how foolish you made her look.

But then there's another part of you that's like, ooh.

We want to protect her from that too.

So there is a sense in which, you're asking, well how do you interact online?

I do think there is this sense in which a guy who really, you should be careful.

That you don't make a spectacle out of every lady that you come across.

As far as that goes.

And it used to be that there's rules that a polite guy would try to shelter a woman from that.

But then what happens is that when egalitarianism takes hold of a society, then it's like a woman can do anything a man can do,

and better.

And then women enter into the public space in the same kind of way.

One of the things that happens is that you have a lot of interactions along these lines that really are imbalanced

in certain ways.

And you have to pretend like they're not, right?

You have to pretend like they're not, but then they are.

And it might be that mansplaining in those moments really isn't the most helpful thing to do, period.

There's a place for mansplaining.

In fact, mansplaining is one of my favorite things to do.

Rightly understood.

But there is a sense in which you do have to be careful.

So are you saying, okay, so Joe puts

out the tweet or whatever, you don't need Jesus to be saved,

basically.

I'm sort of paraphrasing.

I didn't look up the tweet before this, but I think it was something along those lines.

It was something about, you don't need Jesus.

Some people might need Jesus, but everyone doesn't need Jesus.

So essentially like a borderline universalist worldview, if not just full -on

universalism.

So is the response just let that kind of thing,

just let her do whatever she's doing and don't ever rebuke that because she's a

woman?

No, I mean certainly you can have plenty of examples in the scriptures of Jesus doing that.

Jezebel who's seducing my servants and that kind of thing.

I'll throw her into a sickbed and all that.

So I think there has to be some kind of place.

And the more that egalitarianism takes over the church and takes over the world in general, you have to have some kind of

context for that.

But then there is this sense in which you

have to go into that a little bit reluctantly.

Does that make sense?

Okay.

I do think giving honor to the weaker vessel is not going to be making a sport out of her, turning her into

a, just exposing her to the same level of scorn and ridicule that you would to

men.

In a lot of ways, I just think you do have to think through some of those things.

I'm not saying there's no place for it.

I'm just trying to say that I probably wouldn't want to debate a woman myself.

Right.

You have to interact with her ideas in a

public way.

And so I would feel more comfortable just interacting with some of her public statements and exposing them that kind of way.

But then just to have a one -on -one debate or something like that, I'd probably stay away from that if it were me.

Just because I wouldn't.

There's no way to win.

There's no winning in that.

You end up looking bad no matter what you do.

Yeah.

Especially in the case with Jo.

Jo excels at playing the victim and making herself the victim.

And she has a lot of what I'll call rabid followers that blindly view

her as a perpetual victim no matter what.

No matter what is said.

Right.

Depending on how you handle it, you can kind of be playing into that a little bit.

Yep.

It seems like when you interact with that kind of person, you do have to be really careful.

Now they're going to pull that tactic no matter what.

But you yourself probably have to be pretty careful so that you're making sure you're not playing into it.

And you are trying to show a certain type of respect towards them.

Now that's not necessarily a comment on Chris at all.

That's just more like a general...

Well, I think we all have to think what do we do in a...

It used to be that that wasn't a thing before social media.

Uh -huh.

It wasn't so much of a thing in the way that right now it's just like it is like a pervasive

society -wide trend that now you have to think, well, how do I engage at this level?

And I know a lot of guys who will basically, if a woman on Twitter starts going after them, they'll

look at them and say, hey, I'm happy to discuss this with your husband.

Kind of thing.

And that totally scandalizes them, but that may be the kind of thing that you might want to say.

Like, I'm happy to talk with your husband about this, but I'm not going to make a spectacle of you

in that way.

Right.

Keep going with what you're going to say.

I think there might be situations where you refuse to mansplain,

even though mansplaining in itself is not necessarily wrong.

It just might be like, this is not the situation for that.

Out of respect.

Out of respect for the weaker vessel and showing honor.

You're in a lose -lose situation.

No matter what, you're in a lose -lose situation.

Okay, think about this for a second.

I guess the first statement should be when it comes to a person

that is obviously governed primarily by their emotions and like a

just totally unrestrained manner.

Right.

The first word of advice would be, don't marry that person.

Right?

Yes, yes, yes.

There are some ladies who are very much that way.

Very much, they only know how to think with their emotions.

You can't have a conversation with them.

They turn everything into a source of offense.

Every interaction, everything you do, everything that you fail to do.

It's all just seeing through the lens of offense and you're going to be

at the mercy of the offense buzzsaw your whole marriage.

I would say, yeah, stay away from that kind of lady who just, that's her.

Right.

A lot of ladies can go in and out of that a little bit, but then there's

breaks on it.

Yeah.

Then if that's you, then if that's that lady, then just, yeah, keep it.

That's great advice.

That would be the Proverbs contentious woman.

It's better to sleep in the corner of a rooftop.

Right.

There's a category for that.

Now, I mean, there's a kind of person though who hears you acknowledge that there's that type of category and then they think

that basically you're saying all women are that.

It's like, well, no.

Right.

Attack on one is not attack on all.

Like there is such a thing as a contentious woman and it would be better to not marry that woman for sure.

But then that is going to be the kind of woman who response to everything with offense

as a knee jerk reaction response to everything with offense and then refuses to hear any kind of explanation

whatsoever about why that offense is misplaced or wrong or misguided.

It's just giving an answer before you hear, right?

Which is falling in shame.

It's just I'm offended.

Do whatever I say.

You're at my mercy.

You know, the kind of thing.

But yeah, don't marry that person.

Right.

Keep up.

So setting that person aside.

Right.

You know, obviously.

So marriages.

I mean, marriages are just really hard in general.

I mean, you're.

I forget who said it.

But, you know, a marriage is two sinful people trying to live together.

And two senators put him under on the roof and then watch him.

Right.

Sending us each other in different ways.

Right.

And so anyone going into marriage thinking that there's not going to be issues along the way is just they're just they're

totally ignorant to what they're stepping into.

So there's obviously going to be issues.

I mean, that's just normal for sinful people.

For a husband, what's the counsel in terms of like when you run into these

situations where, you know, hey, OK, so so my wife is not like the

contentious woman.

Right.

But then we have, you know, here's a situation where I feel like I just can't say the obvious

without without.

It taken being taken in the worst possible light.

Right. Right.

So.

So what do you do with that?

Yeah.

I mean, I think that's a that's the kind of thing that I think there's been a lot of

bad teaching on over the course of the church.

And so there's a lot of guys who essentially will look at scenarios like that and then they will conclude from

scenario scenarios like that, that like essentially like the man's

primary impulse is to mansplain.

Right.

So the best like in not just in a patronizing way, but just to try to explain, you know, and so there are times

where, you know, like when the ladies offended you, like, what do you do?

And there's a lot of pastors who will come along and just basically say, hey, just say you're sorry.

Right.

So no matter no matter what what the situation is, just like, hey, the first thing you need to do is start off

with an apology.

Right.

Yeah.

I mean, if she if she's upset, it must be that you did something wrong and just say you're sorry.

Even if you don't think you did anything wrong, just say it in order to cool the temperature down.

And I would just say, hey, well, that's horrible advice.

Like that's like that's that's what you call lying.

Right.

Yeah.

So if you didn't actually I think it's I guess it's Doug Wilson.

Maybe that says don't.

He says husband shouldn't apologize if they haven't done anything wrong.

Or that's like a.

Yeah.

He's a lot a lot more witty about it than I was.

But that's a general.

I mean, I don't think.

Yeah.

I mean, you know, and that's a different subject matter.

I don't think a guy should.

I don't think men or women should ever apologize ever.

I think what we should do is ask forgiveness.

But that's a different topic.

But meaning the Bible commands us to ask forgiveness.

It doesn't just say say sorry.

Right.

And when you say sorry, that doesn't mean anything.

That doesn't communicate your at fault.

Yeah.

All that communicates is like, hey, you know, like I stepped on your toe.

Sorry.

Right.

Well, that isn't saying I did your dog.

Sorry.

Sorry.

That didn't mean I killed him.

You know, if I killed him and I was saying I was sorry, that would be totally different.

Right.

But like, so I think we should quit.

The Bible never commands us to say sorry.

It commands us to say, will you forgive me?

And I think we should.

We would do better to ask forgiveness.

But then if you think in those terms, I need to ask forgiveness when she's upset, then it puts

everything in a lot more clarity as to what's happening.

Because if you're going to ask forgiveness, then you say, hey, will you forgive me?

Then the next logical thought is for what?

Right.

Right.

Are you asking forgiveness for what is wrong?

And at that point, you realize.

I don't do anything wrong.

You know, I mean, if you didn't do anything wrong, you don't have anything to say there.

Then that tells you you can't say that or else you're lying.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Probably the closest thing you could even say is is not, hey, will you forgive me?

But instead just say, hey, I'm sorry that you're so upset.

But that doesn't necessarily I don't recommend, you know, saying that, though.

Yeah, it doesn't do anything.

Like, hey, I'm sorry you're upset.

That just stirs the pot for sure.

I'm sorry you're so thin skinned that you took everything out of context and read into it the wrong way.

I mean, that didn't do anything right.

But that's what a lot of people are.

They're trained to do that.

And that's just a wrong response.

So like just saying you need to ask forgiveness if you did anything wrong.

But I mean, if your wife is upset, I mean, you really should consider, did you actually send there?

Right.

That should be a normal step in the process.

And if you can't think of anything that you did, then,

you know, it may be that most of the time you say, hey, well, let me, you know, let me think about this for a minute and

pray about it for a minute.

Let me consider what you're saying and get back with you because I want to see if there's something I can ask

forgiveness for.

So I do think that's a good step in general.

But there are times where it's just like you're in a situation where a person is just jumping to conclusions that are

totally unjustified.

You have to figure out what to do at that point.

Right.

So, I mean, you know, you can imagine, like, if I'm walking out, I use this example sometimes, but I can imagine I'm walking

out.

I'm outside.

My wife is walking outside.

I see a baby crawling into the street.

One of my babies was crawling in the street.

And then I make a mad dash for the baby.

My wife just so happens to get out of the vehicle at that point or something like that.

And I run into her and, you know, headbutt her and she falls down and, you know, gets knocked out and

laying on the ground while I'm making a dash for the baby.

Right.

And then, you know, once she comes to, she basically, like, you know, I can't believe that you're so

insensitive and I can't believe that you're so you just don't care about anyone but yourself.

Right.

And, you know, you're just blundering along, you know, like some kind of

idiot running around, not caring about the consequences of your actions.

I mean, at a certain point, it's just like, whoa, hold on.

I was trying to save a baby, you know.

Yeah.

And if you can't get that out, if it's like, I don't want to hear it, you know, I'm just so mad at you.

I don't want to talk to you.

It's like, well, and you're like, I'm trying to explain.

Honey, you have to, you know, it's just no, I don't want to hear it.

You know, at some point, it's like you can't just say you're sorry.

You know what I'm saying?

You can't just like that doesn't fix anything.

You're in a situation where, like, you don't need to pray about it and reflect on it.

Like, it's just a total misunderstanding.

Right.

It's a total misunderstanding and you have to have some ability to talk.

And so, like, in those kind of scenarios, you got to figure out what to do.

So on the one extreme, it's just the knee jerk response is just if their wife is upset, you say you're sorry.

Period.

Right.

Right. Right.

Now, the other like where you can go in a bad way with that is just to say, OK, well, I'm going to.

I'm going to.

I'm not going to treat my wife as if she like I'm not going to allow her just to emote on me like that.

Right.

So I'm going to force her to have a logical, linear, straightforward

conversation right now that follows, you know,

normal man rules of communicating.

And she's going to have to be patient.

Listen to my explanations, you know, and let me explain myself fully

and then, you know, go from there.

And and I would say that that that would be like the the opposite is just to say, OK, I'm not just going to say I'm sorry, I'm

going to mansplain for as long as it takes for us to get to understanding.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I would say that that isn't necessarily the most helpful thing always to do either.

Right.

OK.

So like like if you get into a like a conflict where like you really have

like you do something offense is taken and that offense is taken unrighteously, as far

as you can tell.

Right.

And you tried like what what typically happens just for guys to understand what's happening in these kind of scenarios is

like you say something fence is taken and then you think to yourself, OK, I

that was based on a misunderstanding.

If I can just explain the misunderstanding, everything will be OK.

Right.

Right.

But then the problem is that once you start trying to explain the misunderstanding, offense will get taken at your explanation of the

misunderstanding.

Uh huh. Right. Yeah.

And then once the fence is taken at your explanation of like the why it's a misunderstanding, then

you've then you're thinking to yourself, what now I need to explain the new offense

that was taken, why.

That's not reasonable.

Right.

Right.

Now, all of a sudden, I caught up in the weeds.

Right.

And then pretty soon you're like 10 misunderstandings down the road, still trying to figure out how to

dig your way back to the first.

Right.

Right.

And there's no ability to get back to the first because what you're what's happening is you're kind of in a

destructive communication pattern that has no answer.

Right.

There's no like I mean, there's no like let's reason this out kind of answer

once the emotions get going.

Right.

And so then what happens is that like often the more pervasive the misunderstandings happen

at that point, then a man can just let himself get frustrated with the scenario.

Right.

Right.

Yeah.

And then the more that he's frustrated, the more that then the wife will respond with more offense.

That's actually legitimate now.

Right.

Yeah.

And now you're angry.

Yeah.

Right.

So you're being led like into like a conversation that just feels like it

make like it's just how do we even get here.

Right.

To where like I don't even I don't know how we got here anymore.

And part of it is because you're just you're approaching that scenario the way you'd approach a conversation with a guy.

And there's no ability to do that.

Right.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So that's that's those are the two extremes.

Right.

Yeah.

The one extreme is to say, I'm sorry, you know, whenever you're mad.

And there's a lot of guys who do that, you know, if she's upset, just say you're sorry.

And then on the other end, it's just try to explain your way out of it no matter what.

Right.

And there's a lot of times where it's just like, OK, right.

We need we need a new plan.

OK.

What was that plan?

Well, I think that there's a lot of things that you can do depending on the kind of relationship you have.

And so just some suggestions or tips, like if you get there, you know, where you just know about it.

You know, I try to interject humor, you know, into the equation

sometimes just to lighten the load.

I mean, sometimes that that can work, but you run a risk there.

So I'm not trying to say that's a full proof of print.

But I try to I try to interject some humor.

I have a redneck voice.

I go to sometimes, you know, and I'll refer to my wife as like Linda in those moments, you know.

OK.

That is a I'm just going to go ahead and tell you that is not the advice that I expected you to give.

Now, Linda, you listen to me.

This is getting out of control.

No, I mean, I think, you know, there I think if you can make it lighter, you know, and just kind of

laugh.

I mean, sometimes people are so wound up so tight that that that may be risky.

But, you know.

You got to know your audience with that guy.

No, you got to know your audience, you know.

But if you can find a way to lighten it up a little bit, you know, I think, you know,

just like shifting from the mansplaining in the moment, you know, when the mansplaining is not

working, I was shifting to, hey, you know, honey, love you, care about you.

You know, you can go the sensitive route, you know, honey, I care about you.

Love you.

I have no idea what's going on.

I don't know what we're doing right now, but I love you.

Let's can we pray about this?

Let's pray about this, you know, and just let's try again a little bit, you know, and give her a hug.

So, I mean, I think that can

be an approach where you just say, hey, we got to take a break.

This is going nowhere good.

I have no idea what's going on anymore.

And let's just pray about it and come back to it, you know, and there has to be some ability to do that to where

both people know, like, and part of what you do is you have to budget for this kind of

thing.

Meaning like in the course of your marriage, like if you have regular times where you talk

about how the relationship is going in those times, you're like, hey, we got to have a plan for how to deal with things when things start to

snowball, right?

And so, and one of the rules that we need to have is that we both can just take a step

back and say, hey, I don't know what's going on right now.

Just we need to disengage, you know.

Now, some people like what they'll do is they'll disengage in a way that's like,

you know, like, let me leave the house, you know, because I'm mad.

I'm going to leave the house and I'm going to be gone for an indefinite period of time.

That's a destructive way to disengage.

Or, hey, I'm going to go bury my head in the TV, you know, for hours and not think about this or talk, you know, because I don't want to

talk about this and I'm done talking to you and everything else.

And like, that's a destructive way to do it.

But if there's a, hey, let's just pause and like disentangle and let's go pray and come back

and try to start over.

Like, you have to have some way to get to where as a couple that's okay.

Does that make sense?

Yeah, yeah.

So, you know, you can try your redneck voice, see how you get.

Emphasis on, yeah, on try there.

Hey, that can work, you know, more than what you think.

Or if everyone could just laugh at, you know, and part of the

problem is that like in these kind of fights, everyone takes themselves so seriously.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Like, you take yourself so seriously to the point where if you could just like, then it becomes

about like, like the whole thing becomes about like me defending myself, you

defending yourself.

And like, it's just taken way too seriously.

If both people could realize, hey, I don't know how to communicate with you and you don't know how to communicate with me.

Both of us are bad, right?

It's not just like, I'm bad or you're bad.

It's like, we're both bad at communicating with each other in different ways, in the ways that we need to be communicated.

And if both people can kind of own that, if there's like a humility to say that I'm bad at this, you're bad at this, we're both bad at this, let's

like, and we can just laugh at how bad we are together, right?

Uh -huh, yeah.

Not like I'm laughing at you at how bad you are, but we're both laughing at each other at how like this is just.

Like this, the situation basically.

Yeah, it's just like, what in the world is going on?

And I mean, there's been plenty of times where my wife and I were just like, we just were not able to talk.

But then it's just like, we laugh about like, how is this so hard?

I have no idea what's going on anymore.

There's definitely been times in my marriage as well where, and not even necessarily arguments,

but just things that you're talking about, whether it's like planning upcoming

events that are going on or whatever, where you and your spouse are talking about one thing,

and then later on down the line, maybe that thing doesn't get done.

Or it doesn't get done the way that someone was expecting it to, and then you're like, hey, what happened

there?

And the other spouse is like, well, I did this, this is what we talked about, so I did that.

And it's like, that's not what we were talking about at all.

Right, right.

I know I've had experiences like that that aren't even like, they're not even necessarily

confrontational.

They're just like, hey, what happened here?

I don't understand.

And then you realize that.

All the misunderstandings that.

Right, and so that is just a normal, I mean, first of all, just set aside the whole

man and woman thing.

I mean, communicating in general is pretty hard sometimes.

Right.

Especially depending on the subject matter.

But then when you add in the fact that men and women really do think

differently in a lot of ways, that just complicates things even more, right?

Yeah.

When you're talking about marriage, I mean, your whole life is on display

for the other person, and everything you do affects the other person.

Right.

There's an additional added complication there when it comes to communication.

So it is really hard to do, and I think people probably need to sit down and

realize that it is just that hard sometimes.

Right, and that's not like, if people could realize it's that hard and quit personalizing it.

Mm -hmm.

Right?

So most people think, okay, it's hard because you're a bad communicator, the other person, right?

Mm -hmm, yeah.

And if you could just learn to communicate, but no, we just have different ways of communicating and different priorities and different

just ways we think.

Right.

And one way of thinking is better in certain realms than

others, and the other way of thinking is better in other realms, right?

Right.

But it's not about like, this is just absolutely across the board better, and the other ones, it's just they're

different.

And so if you could both just, instead of it's like, all the communication problems are your fault, or

they're all my fault.

No, I mean, they're both our fault, right?

Right, yeah.

We're both totally unequipped for this, and if both people could realize that and just take it more like a challenge, like,

this is a funny dynamic that this is so hard,

right?

Yeah.

And that's part of what I'm talking about, trying to introduce some kind of humor into it.

If you both have that kind of attitude, like, this is just funny.

Like, you can make it funny, you know, instead of just making it like dead serious, like, I want to get a divorce because I hate this so much,

kind of thing.

Right, right.

Just lighten up a little bit, laugh about it a little bit, and then keep on trying, you know?

It's like if you're trying isn't working, you laugh about it and say, oh, let's try again a little bit, you know?

So part of it is that I think now there are situations where your

partner won't let you disengage, and that comes with different kinds of things.

One of the things that you can do as a husband, I think, is think to

yourself,

right now, whatever, the emotions are flying, I'm not getting anywhere reasoning.

And when you find yourself not getting anywhere trying to reason or trying to explain,

often it's better to start asking questions.

And one of the things you want to do in general is turn off the explain impulse.

A lot of times when people are fighting, you have two people that

approach conversation where the first person wants to give their 10 -minute speech and be listened to from start to finish.

And then the other person then gets to respond with their own 10 -minute speech, start to finish.

The formal debate.

But then what's happening, though, is that speech might be filled with inaccuracies, and so you might only get a

sentence or two out before there's already disagreements, and then it just turns into a mess.

But what you want to do is, like the Bible says, if you give an answer before you hear it, it's following in shame.

Let everyone be quick to listen, so to speak, slow to wrath.

Be a better listener than you are.

Be more focused on trying to listen than you are focused on trying to explain yourself.

And the more that you're explaining becomes unfruitful.

You should already have habits developed of being a good listener anyways, but that's where you ask more questions.

You ask better questions.

You ask probing questions.

You ask the kind of questions that might make a person think.

So get better at question asking at that point.

Basically assume you don't know the other person's stance.

Yeah.

I want to be listened to.

It doesn't seem like I'm being listened to at all.

Let me ask more questions.

I need to want to listen when I want to speak.

So part of it's that, learning to ask questions in those moments.

But then part of that, you have to have a different perspective of what's happening.

And part of it's changing your perspective from trying to be understood to change it to, like, what is this about?

Because this isn't about whatever's on the surface here.

Often, if that makes sense.

So meaning, like, what is the question you can ask in those moments?

It's like, what is right now my wife want that she's not getting?

And, you know, often it's just like, you know, she wants to feel like you're her friend, you know?

She wants to feel like you care about her.

And you might be thinking, I have no idea why she would assume I don't.

Right, right.

Because what I said was innocuous.

It had nothing to do with any of that.

She, you know, she's blowing it out of proportion.

It's not doesn't have anything to do.

Like, she's just misunderstanding what I was doing.

Right.

But then it's just like, well, if you shift away from trying to defend yourself to think, well, what is she?

What is the desire underneath the conflict, right?

And you might try to give her that desire and realize that that puts her in a better position to

reevaluate what just happened.

Does that make sense?

Yeah, yeah.

So it's like, hey, you know, if it's just about like she doesn't think I care about her, tell her you care about her.

Hey, I care about you.

I'm sorry that this conversation is going this way.

I don't even know how it's gone this way.

You know, I'm not asking that doesn't mean ask forgiveness for it.

Just like I, I don't know what's going on here.

You know, I care about you and, you know, I adore you.

Let's come here and give me a hug.

You know?

Yeah, yeah.

You know, but that's like you try to figure out what's underneath it.

But then there's often also like men and women are different.

And this is something that's like really helped me to think through things like this.

Men are often a lot more interested in like sins of commission and women are often

much more interested in sins of omission.

So do you know what I mean by that?

Yeah, yeah.

So men are more interested basically in the sins that like

the things that like for the woman, the wife that they actually do.

Right, right.

But then women are more focused on the ones that men don't do.

So like, you know, in often a lot of comfort.

When I, when I say the ones they don't do, I mean the actions that they don't take, not the sins that

they don't commit.

Right, right.

The actions that they don't take.

Right.

So it's like, hey, you know, I, you know, you haven't looked at me today.

You haven't talked to me today.

You haven't.

Right?

Yeah.

Like, I feel so distant.

Like a wife may come to her husband and say, I feel so distant from you.

And the husband looks at her and she's like, what?

Well, I don't know what you're talking about.

You know?

Oh, yeah.

But, but what, what just happened.

There is there's, there's probably a lot of sins of omission.

Like thoughtlessness.

Right.

That you don't want to, it's like, what do you mean?

You feel like I'm not your friend.

I'm not there for you.

I, I literally, but you know, at that point you go into the mansplaining mode.

Right.

So it's like, uh, I went to work eight hours a day.

I came home today.

Um, and you know, the, the car is literally falling apart.

So I had to fix it and do all that.

Right.

And so then you go on to explain why everything that you did that day was reasonable, but then it's just like, well, there may be.

Maybe you could have been nicer to her.

Maybe you could have spent 10 minutes talking to her before you went to go fix the, put out the fires or whatever.

Right.

And maybe, so a lot of times what's happening is women are much more interested in these sins of omission.

And part of that's because they're relational and, and, uh, much more relational than men are in general.

And, you know, men are just like, Hey, you know, if I tell you to do something, just do it.

Right.

Respond to what I say.

If I, you know, so men, men, men want women to respond to them.

In general, uh, women want men to anticipate what they want.

Right.

Yeah.

And part of that's related to men are supposed to lead and take initiative.

Right.

So women want from men initiative.

Right.

I don't want to tell you, I don't have to tell you to do things.

Whereas men, it's like, Hey, if I just tell you to do something, if you just respond to what I tell you to do, everything will be great.

Right.

I don't need you to anticipate anything.

Right.

Yeah.

Just respond to my request or respond to my desires.

When I mentioned them, you don't have to anticipate anything whatsoever.

Right.

And part of that's just the way we're made and we're made in different ways.

And men are interested in, like, if I told you to do that and you didn't do it, then we have a problem.

Right.

Whereas ladies, like, I don't want to have to tell you, you should just know.

And part of that, I mean, obviously, like, it's not as if every time, like,

um, a man tells a woman to do something that is always reasonable.

Right.

What are you saying?

Like he could give very unreasonable directions.

And in the same way, it's not as if every time a man fails to anticipate something a woman wants, she can be

completely reasonable in that moment.

But it is good to take a step back and say, are there sins of omission here that I'm not factoring in?

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Where you can actually legitimately ask forgiveness for something that's real.

Right.

So, anyways, the broader point is, like, when you're having a conversation that is,

it feels like there's a lot of emotion in it and not a lot of reason in it.

I don't know that mansplaining is the best tactic in that moment, at the very least.

Yeah.

But then you do have to have, like, some mechanism within a relationship to be able to, like,

say, okay, right now we're not getting anywhere.

We got to come back to this later.

And there has to be some kind of expectation that both people care enough about the relationship to actually want to come back later and give it

another try.

And then typically when you give it another try, you know, if you're the guy you started out with questions, don't start out with your

speech.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

So some responses are, you know, ask questions.

Don't assume that you know exactly what your spouse's

position is, what their understanding of the situation is.

You know, try to also evaluate yourself.

Ask yourself if there's anything that you did that was sin that you

legitimately do need to ask forgiveness for from God, but then also from your spouse,

right?

Right.

And then use the redneck voice, right?

Use the redneck voice.

Yeah.

But, yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, you know, it could do wonders.

Yeah, I mean, I guess I haven't tried it, so I can't say for sure that it doesn't work.

Becky or Linda are good names.

Oh, I apologize to any woman out there.

I'll write that down.

Oh, no.

Yeah, no.

So, but then beyond that, I do think, you know, there are other things, too, that you could say about that kind of

topic.

I mean, as a man, I don't think you, you

know, if you're interacting with a woman, whether on the internet or, you know, wife or whatever, who is just

insistent upon taking offense at everything you say, right?

Yeah.

Like, there has to be some,

at some point, you know, and it may not be necessarily in the moment where you get this theology out, but there

has to be some kind of theology of, like, it's the glory of a man to overlook an offense and, like,

is your anger righteous?

And, you know, I'm not going to accept responsibility every time you are

offended, right?

Yeah.

Like, you know, a good sense makes one slow to anger and it's the glory of a man to overlook an offense.

And sometimes we can be offended because we misunderstand things, you know.

And there's, I've been in counseling situations where, you know, I'm talking to the lady and the lady is just intent

upon turning everything that, you know, the husband says or, you know, I say as a counselor,

they're going to turn it into an object of offense.

There has to be some ability to speak into those kinds of situations and essentially say, hey, you're responsible for your feelings and

you can't, like, we can't communicate this way, right?

Right.

To where you just, you misunderstand everything that's happening and you take offense to it instantaneously and immediately.

And then, you know, there's this demand that everyone just validate your misunderstanding of the

scenario and your misunderstanding of, like, we're not going to go there, right?

Right.

So, like, um, like I do think, you know, as a guy, you're going to have to, you know,

have some ability to talk about that.

And I mean, there are, I mean, obviously there's times of the month where a lady can be overly sensitive,

right?

To, I mean, just overly sensitive to crying for no reason.

And, you know, as a couple, you have to budget for that.

And I mean, I know that it's like the worst kind of sin possible in the minds of many people to where, like, you're not,

you're not even allowed to talk about it, right?

Yeah.

Like, you're not allowed to say, hey, you know, is this that time, you know, and that's like a social, like the worst thing.

Everyone chuckles at that as if that's the worst thing that can possibly happen.

But, you know, in reality, that's something that needs to happen.

You need to have the maturity as a couple to say, hey, where are we at right now?

Because it seems like everything I say you're crying about and I don't know what to do with that, right?

Right.

And so, and, you know, part of just knowing where you're at is helps everyone to put

into context what's happening, you know, too.

And there is some, you know, men do have to help women, you know, at times to

not just totally give in to whatever emotions that they're feeling.

And you're living in a society right now that basically says that it's harmful to suppress any of your emotions.

So that's a unique challenge that we're living in, in the kind of society that we're living in right now, too.

So there's a lot of things that you have to do.

But, you know, typically in the moment, if you're just, if, you know, logic, reason and

everything are not prevailing, you don't keep doubling down, tripling down, quadrupling down with some

expectation that it's going to go any different, if that makes sense.

Right, yeah.

There's other ways to not compromise on the truth, right?

Right.

While still acknowledging, you know, that there is another person involved in the equation who just

communicates naturally in a different way.

Right.

Is essentially what you're saying, right?

So when you try to, when you find yourself in a situation where it seems like

there's just no progress being made, you do need to have some sort

of allowance in your mind for like, okay, I need to try a different approach.

Whether that's like, hey, let's ask the questions, you know.

Let's take a step back.

Let's take a step back, you know.

Let's take a break.

Let's pray about, you know, let's go pray about this,

whatever it is, you know.

That does need to be, you can't just keep brute forcing it.

Yeah, you can't.

And I mean, I think, depending on the scenario you're in, I mean, I don't think what you

want to do is, you don't want to say that whatever is happening is fine.

You get what I'm saying?

Yeah.

So when I've been in counseling situations and, you know, like the lady is just offended at

every move, right?

What she's doing is wrong, right?

What she's doing is wrong.

Like, meaning like she's just emoting.

And she's been trained for a long period of time to emote instead of be able to

discuss, right?

Yeah.

And that's wrong.

And so you don't have to like say, well, we're just different, you know.

Like some of it you're different.

Some of it can be just distortions of that, right?

So you have the guy who just wants to, like, he thinks like the way to handle this

is to give 30 minute speeches, right?

Where he has a captive audience and if she can listen to the 30 minute speech, then everything would make sense.

That's not right either, you know, because like you should, when words are many, transgressions unavoidable.

We should be quick to listen, so to speak, so to wrath, you know.

But then there are unhelpful ways to interact both ways, right?

And they can be different to different intensity, depending on different couple.

You don't have to say it's all okay.

But at the same time, like it may be profoundly unbiblical and unhelpful what's happening.

But it does help to think, to take a step back and say, okay, what is the good?

Like there's probably a good desire in here that's escaping me, right?

And like let me, you know, like I can't make heads or tails out of anything that's happening right now.

But there's something, let me assume that there's some substance

to what's happening, right?

So if it's like a lot of emotion, you say, let me assume that there's some kind of substance to all this.

And often what's funny is like it's not even about what just happened.

It's about other things, right?

So it's like has nothing like often like in those kind of scenarios, it really has nothing to do with what like the trigger

was.

The trigger just was totally unrelated to anything that actually happened, right?

Like meaning it was about something completely different.

And if all you're doing is in that moment trying to explain how that response was out of proportion to what just happened,

you're missing the point that it was probably about something else.

And then that thing that the other thing that is about probably is significant.

Does that make sense?

Yeah. Yeah.

So what like this response is completely out of proportion to what just happened

and out of control.

But the real thing that this is about probably is significant and

important.

And it's your job is to get to that, you know, and often it's just totally different than what you realize.

Right.

And so like there's like a legitimate concern underneath there that if you can like get your mind out of defend yourself

mode and get it on.

I didn't figure out what that thing is because it's probably not what I think it is.

Then it helps a lot.

Does that make sense?

Yeah. Yeah.

So.

Okay.

Well, I think that's a good place to end the episode on, especially to flesh out some of that

when it comes to marriage.

Because I do think marriage is a people.

We just live in a day and age where I think people assume for some reason that marriage

is like the happily ever after.

Right.

Thing.

And so we a lot of people go into marriage thinking that and then they're just

blindsided by how difficult marriage can be.

I mean, I think the last time I checked the statistic, I think it was

like 50 of marriages in America end in divorce for one reason or another.

I have to assume that percentage is higher now for marriages that end in divorce.

I have to assume it's probably higher.

Maybe not, but I'm confident enough to I'm almost confident enough to bet money on it.

And so that has to communicate something about the difficulty when

it comes with marriage.

And so knowing how to communicate effectively, recognizing the fact that men and women

communicate differently and that there are approaches to handle that.

They just don't always look like maybe what you would want them to be based off of how you

communicate.

So I think that's helpful for people.

And and hopefully people who are listening take note of that and try to

apply that and try to recognize that.

Maybe observe.

Here's how I communicate.

Here's how my spouse communicates and and see that that's true.

And then ask yourself, well, what do I what do I do now?

And that's where you start inserting the.

Well, let me ask questions.

You know, let me let me humble myself enough to assume that I don't know my spouse's

position and understanding of everything right now.

Let me ask myself, is there actual sin in my life that I do need to ask forgiveness for?

Let me be humble enough to recognize that I am sinful and I do have the ability to be wrong.

Right.

Even even though I don't want to be, no one wants to be wrong.

We're all wrong plenty of times in our life.

And and then just recognizing, yeah, there there are times where where you have to say, OK, we've just got to step

back for a little while.

Let's come back to this later today.

You know, let's each pray about it.

Think back over everything that's been said and and sort of let the

if there's a lot of high emotion, a lot of temper involved.

Like, let's let that cool off.

Let's go repent of those things and come back and and talk about these things again.

And so so I do want to encourage people that, you know, sometimes marriage can it can just

feel like, man, my marriage is so tough because we're always fighting

whatever.

And and I do think a large part of that is due to

breakdowns in communication and, you know, and not necessarily because

either person is a bad communicator in and of themselves.

They're just perhaps a bad communicator in the way that their spouse communicates.

Right.

Right.

So I do want to encourage people with that.

But with all that said, we want to thank you guys for supporting us and continuing to listen

week in and week out.

And we look forward to having you guys on the next one.

This has been another episode of Bible Bashed.

We hope you have been encouraged and blessed through our discussion.

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Now, go boldly and obey the truth in the midst of a biblically illiterate world who will be

perpetually offended by your every move.