I Almost Became an SJW #Realtalk

A Satirical Response to Claims of Racism in the Patriots and MAGA

All right, everybody. Well, I just wanted to do a quick video this morning. I know my videos have been a lot more serious lately, and I figured we'd take some time to just chill out a little bit. Yeah, just let's calm down just a little bit and talk about some craziness.

Now, I gotta tell you, I gotta be perfectly honest. I read an article this weekend that probably came the closest anyone's ever come to converting me to the social justice movement. That's right, that's right.

This is the closest anyone's ever come to converting me. So I gotta be honest with you. I wanna make sure that you understand that even I have my weaknesses, even I have my buttons, I guess you could say, that you could push to convert me to social justicism.

And here it is, this is an article. This is an opinion article from the Daily Beast, which if you don't read, I would not recommend, obviously. Anyway, it makes the argument that the patriots, the New England patriots, are Team MAGA.

They're the preferred team of white supremacists everywhere. And I gotta be honest, it makes a pretty good case. I mean, after all, Tom Brady supported Donald Trump, and so did the owner, Rob Craft, and Bill Belichick likes Donald Trump, and the team is like, there's no black people on the team at all, apparently.

And so this is the team of white nationalists. And I gotta be honest with you, I really dislike the patriots. And so by the time I finished reading, I was like, man, I gotta convert. I gotta become a social justice warrior.

I mean, this is a matter of justice. This is a gospel issue, almost. Liking the patriots or not is a gospel issue. So I almost converted, but then I found my reason, and I realized how stupid this is.

Satire About MAGA, White Nationalism, and Social Justice Rhetoric

But yeah, this is a funny article. It talks about how MAGA, MAGA's obviously racist. I mean, that's just a foregone conclusion. Oh man, I cannot wait to get my MAGA hat. I can't wait to get my MAGA hat.

It's gonna be awesome. But anyway, yeah, so MAGA is obviously racist and white nationalist, and there's a lot of evangelicals that think that as well. And so clearly, the patriots, because they supported MAGA, they are also white nationalists as well.

I found this article. This is a good one. This is a real good one. Mary Poppins is branded racist by a US academic in blackface row over scene where she gets covered in soot. That's right, you know the scene, right?

Mary Poppins is one of my favorite movies. I love Mary Poppins. It's a very, very good movie. I guess for a lot of you, that might make sense since apparently I'm a raging white supremacist as well. But yeah, Mary Poppins is awesome.

If you remember, there's that scene where they get sucked up the chimney, right? And when they get sucked up the chimney, they get all sooty and dirty. And that might make sense to you because when you get sucked up a chimney or if you go down the chimney, you'll get dirty because there's a lot of soot in the chimney.

The Mary Poppins Blackface Accusation and the Soot Scene

But well, here's the offense. Let's read this article. Ready? In a piece for the New York Times, Professor Daniel Pollack Pelsner. I'm sure this guy is worth every penny that they pay him. This guy is probably the foremost scholar in social justice.

I bet you this guy's got a lot of tremendously valuable insights. So I've never read him, so I'm just assuming because this article is gold. Professor Daniel Pollack Pelsner criticizes one of the film's iconic moments when Mary Poppins joins Dick Van Dyke's Bert to dance on a rooftop for the classic song, Step in Time.

Oh, I love that song. That's a great song. Step in time, step in time. Come on, man, step in time. I love that song, man. Anyway, he goes on. This is a very important paper. I'm sure that this one, he probably got paid very well for this one because this is important stuff.

This is the kind of stuff we need to be worried about right now. He writes, he says, when the magical nanny played by Julie Andrews accompanies her young charges, Michael and Jane Banks up the chimney, her face gets covered in soot.

But instead of wiping it off, she gamely powders her nose and cheeks even blacker. Wow. Can you believe that? That's just blatant white supremacy. She didn't wipe off the soot off her nose. She made it blacker.

And we all know that when a white person paints their face black, that means they hate black people. Always. There's no exceptions. There's no exceptions. There's no excuse for blackface. I mean, are you kidding me?

Remember one time I was eating a piece of chocolate cake, right, and the frosting got on my nose. And you know what I did? What I did, because I'm not a racist, right? So what I did was I wiped that chocolate off my nose right away because you know what?

I didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea. I was trying to mock black people by not wiping the chocolate off my nose. I mean, that was, whew. But can you believe it? Mary Poppins, she powdered her face with more soot.

That's evil. That's evil. He goes on, he says, this might seem like an innocuous comic scene if Travers' novels didn't associate chimney sweeps with blackened faces with racial caricature. Don't touch me, you black heathen.

A housemaid screams and Mary Poppins opens the door. That was in 1943. When the dark figure of the chimney sweeps and step in time on a roof, a naval buffoon, Admiral Boom, shouts, we're being attacked by hot and tots and orders his cannon to be fired at the cheeky devils.

Ooh, can you believe that? I don't see anything but racism here. This is just pure racism. And if you watch Mary Poppins, you're a racist. That's the bottom line. You're a racist if you watch Mary Poppins.

Mocking the Overreach of Academic and Media Criticism

I gotta tell you, I got the Blu-ray upstairs. I got like, it was like the whatever anniversary Blu-ray. I've got it upstairs and I've been waiting. Oh man, I've been waiting for a time to watch with my kids.

My kids are still a little young. They'll probably still enjoy it, but I've been waiting. I gotta say this Friday is probably the day. This Friday is probably the day I'll wear my MAGA hat and we'll watch some Mary Poppins.

Good old fashioned, you know, KKK rally over at my house tonight. We're done on the jokes such as it is. These aren't really black Africans. They're grinning white dancers in blackface. It's a parody of Black Menace.

It's even posted on a white nationalist website as evidence of the film's racial hierarchy. Fans were divided over the professor's remark. One wrote online, I think this is a reach. She was friends with a chimney sweep.

When she went out and danced with him, she got soot in her face, if I recall this correctly. Well, very, very reasonable and rational and very logical. It's a very, you know, there's no indication in the movie that it's about race, but it's just about that she got dirty when she joined her friend on the roof.

I mean, that's very logical and reasonable. Whoever wrote this is clearly a white supremacist. Because as we all know, reason is white supremacy. Logic is white supremacy. Another wrote, Mary Poppins wasn't flirting with blackface.

It was soot in her face from being in a chimney. Again, logical. What a bigot. A third said, this is a candidate for the stupidest New York Times article of all time. Now that is a reach. If I've ever heard one, there have been a lot of stupid articles in the New York Times.

This is not by far, this is not even close to the stupidest article in the New York Times. However, this is where we're really gonna get some value here. However, others agreed with some of the points raised.

Michael Shulman, a writer for the New York Times said, this made me think about class too. How Mary Poppins, a posh domestic, scrambles the class divide and introduces Jane and Michael to the much more fun world of plebe chimney sweeps.

Further scrambled in the sequel, when the Bankses are also in the poor house. Author, Mr. Pollack Pelsner posted online after his article was published. The chief reason I wrote this article is the hope that Disney exec would read it, take another look at the forthcoming Dumbo remake and ask if there's anything just a little bit racist they might wanna rethink before it hits the big screen.

Dumbo, oh man, Dumbo. Here's one of the things I've learned about the alt-right. After I wrote this article, I received a zillion hate messages in response. They sure like Mary Poppins. You know, everybody likes Mary Poppins, you idiot.

Everybody likes Mary Poppins. Oh man, if that last article almost made me a social justice warrior, this article has almost made me a MAGA Trump supporter. I'll tell you that right now, this is so stupid.

The Call to Grow Up and Stop Overreacting

You know, this is the thing, I think white people, not white people, I should rephrase that. White social justice warriors, I don't know if this Pelsner Pollack guy is white, who cares, I don't even care.

But the reality is, whether you're white or black or whatever, if you're a social justice warrior, why do you think that minorities are so sensitive? Oh my goodness gracious, we can't even, if somebody gets a little dark on their face, that's offensive to the nth degree.

I can't believe it, I can't go on with my life. Grow up, and honestly, if you are offended by that, by Mary Poppins getting a little soot on her face, grow up, okay? Grow up, because I'll tell you right now, there are millions and millions of black people that can somehow get along with their lives just fine, not knowing whether Mary Poppins was a white supremacist or not.

It doesn't have any bearing on your life, she's a fictional character. And I have to say, a quite delightful fictional character. Anyway, I hope this was helpful, God bless.