How Do I Know If I'm Gossiping?

I mean, you see it everywhere and it sells, it for sure sells. I mean, even as content creators on the internet, one of the things that you'll see time and time and time again is people love to hear like negative things about other people.

All right, Tim, the question for today's episode is how do I know if I'm gossiping?

Yeah, gossiping is one of those words that many people throw around. So it's like an easy word to throw around in general, but then in a lot of ways, it is somewhat of a difficult concept to define. I mean, I think everyone knows what you're talking about when you're talking about gossip in general.

So it's one of those words that most people know, like if I'm gossiping, you know that you're gossiping, but then it's also kind of a respectable sin right now. And because it's a respectable sin, there's plenty of people who will deny ever doing it essentially.

So I mean, there's very few people who would ever admit to the fact that they're gossiping. And if you say that they're gossiping, they're not going to own it. They're not going to accept it. And so it is helpful to try to define this word, you know, what we're talking about and what it actually means and how you're doing it along those lines.

So what is it? All right, so yeah, a good passage to talk about this is 2 Corinthians 12 .20. So in 2 Corinthians 12 .20, you see, for I fear that perhaps when I come, I might find you not as I wish and that you may find me not as you wish, that perhaps there will be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.

So this word gossip right here is a word that means derogatory information about someone that's offered in a tone of confidentiality. In other words, so I'll read it again, derogatory information offered about a person that is offered in a tone of confidentiality and then synonyms are, you know, secret gossip or tailbearing.

And, you know, often if you're going to figure out what gossiping is, you do, you can go to the book of Proverbs and you're going to find that idea of tailbearing that's happening over and over and over again.

So tailbearing is your classic like word, like biblical word to describe this phenomenon in general of gossip, it's tailbearing. It's basically negative information about someone that's said in a tone of confidentiality.

So it's basically just like talking about someone behind their back and saying bad things about them. In order, I mean, typically like the idea is it's in order to help you to, like to get you to think poorly about this person.

That's the point of gossip. So it's just, basically, I mean, if you want to know what gossip is, it's just, oh, did you hear what X did? It's that kind of thing. So like the issue, now, I mean, there's biblical checks on this to where you can, think through how it's helpful, times where it's helpful and times where it's not, but typically some checks on this to let you know whether you're gossiping or whether you're getting counsel or something along those lines is, I mean, typically like a person who wants counsel, they're going to say, hey, you know, person did X and I don't know how to respond to it.

How would you recommend that I respond to it? So, I mean, like typically if you want advice, you can know that you're at least in a little bit safer territory, if that makes sense. I need some advice on how to handle this situation.

They don't know how to handle it. I want to handle it with an honest Lord. So, you know, most of the time I can tell when someone's gossiping, when I try to give them advice and they don't want it. If you don't want the advice, like if you don't want help, then I'm just going to look at you and say, are we just gossiping then?

Is that all we're doing? Because it just sounds like you just want to tell me all this negative stuff about this person, but then you don't want, like, what am I supposed to do with that? Do you want me to just, like, is the goal right here that I'm just supposed to think negatively about this person?

Is that all we're doing? Are you just getting this all off your chest so that we can both say, oh yeah, they're a horrible person? Yeah, yeah, I'm glad that you got that off your chest there, you know?

So, I mean, typically in that kind of situation, you know, I mean, like the purpose of that is just a person can vent and the Bible says a fool gives full vent to his spirit, essentially. So, do you want advice?

That's part of what we're talking about. Do you want advice? Now, often, I mean, like, you should even, even if you want advice, there should be some sense in which, like, hey, the first to plead their case seems right until another one comes along to examine them.

If you're just going to sit here and talk about this person, let's go get them in the room and let's all talk about it together. So, I mean, do you want help here or do you just want to unload, right?

So, I mean, typically to the extent to which you can, there's nothing that should be stopping you from saying, okay, hey, yeah, you want to know how to deal with the person X, let's go get them, right?

And let's go talk to them. And then we'll see if we can get reconciliation happening. So, part of it, that's also a helpful check. Do they want the other person involved or is this just a mechanism of trying to talk about this person without having any kind of accountability there?

So, part of it's that, you know, there's often like things you can do that, like when you're thinking about gossip, you can shelter people from who you're talking about, right? So, what do you think should happen in a situation where a husband and wife are fighting whatever else and this happens, you can present it like that.

You don't have to say, hey, I'm talking about my husband right now. I'm talking about my wife right now, right? I'm talking about my brother. I mean, let's say that you're having a problem with your brother and you go to someone else and you say, hey, yeah.

So, there's a person I know that we're butting heads and I don't know how to resolve it, right? So, what would you do? So, as much as you can, you're not just, you shouldn't be trying to shelter people from like all the information that they don't need in that way if you do want advice, if you do want to counsel in that way.

So, you know, a lot of it's that, but yeah. I mean, I think generally you're supposed to be asking, is this designed to build this person up? Is this designed to tear them down, right? Like is this designed to build them up or tear them down?

Is it designed for you just to get, you know, like this juicy morsel off your chest or is this designed to help you to know how to honor the Lord or, you know, honor this other person, but yeah.

So, why is it that, you know, with this sin, why is it such an acceptable sin right now?

I mean, you know, human beings love to gossip. Why is that though?

Why do, I mean, why do we love that? So, because I was thinking about this as I was thinking about the topic, you know, thinking about the topic in general, knowing that we were going to do an episode on it and, you know, I mean, you see it everywhere and it sells, it for sure sells.

I mean, even as, you know, as a, like as content creators on the internet, one of the things that you'll see time and time and time again is people love to hear like negative things about other people.

Like that's always the stuff that does the best. And it's why, you know, ESPN, like all the sports news outlets are always trying to find like the juicy scoop on, you know, the big time player and here's what he did, you know, and the tabloids are always trying to sell this is what this celebrity did.

And can you even believe that they would ever do something like that? And reality TV is, you know, I like, I'll watch reality TV, it'll be on, you know, like we're at some get together or something and they'll have the TV on and it's some random show, like some random show that I've never heard of.

And it's just like, it feels gross to even listen to it because it's just everyone talking about everyone else behind their back. And I mean, there's like a certain part of that that's where you understand like, hey, this is just TV, it's all probably fake anyway.

But then there's a reason that they're putting what they are putting on the show, right? And it's because that's what people are interested in. So why is that?

Yeah, I mean, a few years back, I mean, there's the, I think there was that show called Gossip Girl or whatever, but then it's so funny when the pagans will do that kind of thing where, you know, like American Idol or Gossip Girl or whatever, like to where they'll just, they'll name their show after sins in the Bible.

Yeah, yeah. And then people don't have the moral awareness to say, hey, they're just telling you that they're sinning right now. Right. Like that's what the show is about. You know, I haven't watched that show, but I mean, I assume that they're living up to his name, but it is, I mean, obviously, I mean, I remember like National Enquirer growing up, like all the National Enquirer kind of magazines, like where they're all just gossip columns in the Grocery Owl magazine.

And I don't know if they still have that same kind of stuff, but I mean, obviously it sells and obviously everyone wants to hear about it. And, you know, it's just, it's pride, you know, it's pride. Like, it's just people who, like if they can tear people down, like they feel like they've built themselves up, right?

So it's just that impulse is as old as, you know, sin essentially, I mean, like an impulse to say, thank God I'm not like this other person, you know, can you believe that this other person did? And the Bible over and over again, you know, says that we should, you know, encourage one another and build one another up.

And, you know, our speech should be geared towards edification, not just tearing people down and destroying them and all that. So, I mean, we just like, you know, if we could find some way, like we just love it, like when celebrity people do stupid stuff, you know, cause they have all this money and they're like, in some sense, like they have all this fame and recognition and we just like to be able to tear them down, you know, so that we can build ourself up.

So we want people to think, oh man, like they're better than that other person who everyone thinks is good. And so we're leeches in that kind of way. But then, you know, a lot of that really does get to how you should even interact with public people in general and public figures.

And so, you know, typically, you know, there's this difference between like public and private that is related to this gossip discussion too. I mean, like you're sharing a private matter, like to someone for the purpose of tearing them down.

And so a lot of people, they confuse that component of it to where, you know, I mean, if you do have a notorious false teacher who is out there openly spreading false teaching, I mean, you do have to have some people who are going to openly confront that stuff, right?

So

Right, it's not gossip to say that that person's public teaching is false.

Right, right, right. So, I mean, that would be like negative information about someone, right, for the purpose of warning you about that person. But then the issue is it's true, like it's true information, and it was done in a public way.

It's publicly verifiable information that was done. And so like there needs to be forms of accountability that are given with this public kind of information for, you know, public kind of people in that way.

So, I mean, there's obviously forms of accountability in that way. And you do have to deal with things that happen in front of a bunch of people. So, an example of that would be like the man who's sleeping with his mother-in-law in the Church of Corinth, and they're all glorying about it and saying it's a wonderful, you know, thing.

And Paul basically just says like, hey, like you guys are all glorying over this. It's not good. You deliver this person to like, although I'm absent from the body, I'm present in my spirit, right? Deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh that, you know, in the day of the Lord, his spirit might be saved and all that.

So, like you think about that, like he's, like there's a public thing that's happening that everyone's witnessing and he's telling them how to deal with it. And so that wouldn't be gossip. That's just acknowledging, hey, we all have eyes.

We're all watching this. This isn't the way we handle it, right? Like this is not the way we handle it. But I mean, like when you're sharing private matters, that you don't have any business adjudicating.

I mean, there's a lot of people who do that with like celebrities. And like, if you don't jump on board with it and crucify these people because the leak tape of them fighting out in public comes, you know, it's like, hey, I don't have anything to do with this, right?

Right. This has nothing to do with me. I don't know the context of this. I am not involved in the jury here. I'm not a form of accountability for them. I don't have to say anything, you know? Like it's just, it's none of my business.

Like I don't have anything to do with it, you know? Like I don't have anything to do with this. I don't have enough context. I don't know enough to even comment here. You know, this is a private matter between private people that, you know, evil people leaked out to the public, you know, with no good purpose.

So let's just let them take care of it, you know? So I do think that like we need to be careful with how we're dealing with those things. And certainly people love, like love their gossip and they love tearing people down and they love having opportunities to, you know, throw these people under the bus if I can in order to make themselves feel good.

Okay, fair enough.

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