Anchored #7 - Grounded in Good Works Pt 3 (1 Peter 3:1-7)

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So, 1 Peter chapter 2 from verse 11, we'll read through to chapter 3 verse 7.
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And it's our custom here at Redeemer that as we read our sermon text, we stand in reverence of our respectful
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God's Word. So if I can invite you to stand with me one last time. 1
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Peter chapter 2 from verse 11 through to chapter 3 and verse 7. If you grabbed one of those red hardback
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Bibles on the way in, that should be page 1075. 1 Peter chapter 2 from verse 11 through to chapter 3 and verse 7.
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Brothers and sisters, these are God's words. Dear friends, I urge you as strangers and exiles to abstain from sinful desires that wage war against the soul.
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Conduct yourselves honorably among the Gentiles, so that when they slander you as evildoers, they will observe your good works and will glorify
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God on the day he visits. Submit to every human authority because of the Lord, whether to the emperor as a supreme authority or to governors as those sent out by him to punish those who do what is evil and to praise those who do what is good.
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For it is God's will that you silence the ignorance of foolish people by doing good.
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Submit as free people, not using your freedom as a cover up for evil, but as God's slaves.
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Honor everyone, love the brothers and sisters, fear God, honor the emperor.
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Household slaves, submit to your masters with all reverence, not only to the good and gentle ones but also to the cruel.
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For it brings favor if, because of a consciousness of God, someone endures grief from suffering unjustly.
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For what credit is there if, when you do wrong and are beaten, you endure it? But if you do what is good and suffer, if you endure it, this brings favor with God.
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For you were called to this because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his steps.
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He did not commit sin and no deceit was found in his mouth. When he was insulted, he did not insult in return.
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When he suffered, he did not threaten but entrusted himself to the one who judges justly.
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He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that having died to sins we might live for righteousness.
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By his wounds you have been healed, for you were like sheep going astray, but you have now returned to the shepherd and overseer of your souls.
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In the same way, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the word, they may be won over without a word by the way their wives live.
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When they observe your pure, reverent lives, don't let your beauty consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and wearing gold jewelry, but rather what is inside the heart, the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit.
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For this is of great worth in God's sight. From the past, the holy women who put their hope in God also adorned themselves in this way, submitting to their husbands.
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Just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, you have become her children when you do what is good and do not fear any intimidation.
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Husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker partner, showing them honor as co -heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
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The grass withers, the flower fades, but Jesus said His words, these words, would by no means pass away.
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Allow me to pray, ask for God's help, and we will get to work in His word today. Heavenly Father, we thank you once again for another opportunity for us, your precious people, to come and to hear you speak to us through your word.
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We pray that as we come to this text that you would open our eyes, that we would see wonderful things out of your law.
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We pray that you would give us understanding, that we would walk in your statutes. Father, we take a moment to pray for the ministry of the gospel, the
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Medford Gospel Mission this afternoon. Thank you for our brother Eddie who gets to serve there, and for all who are volunteers and involved in the ministry of the mission.
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Pray that you would continue to help them, give them strength as they seek to minister to those who need ministry.
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Pray that you would encourage them in their work, may they see good fruit from their labors for you.
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Continue to be with us as we open up your word now. We ask it in Jesus' name and for His sake, amen. Please be seated.
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No doubt some of you will know the name Saint Augustine, if I say it out loud, or Augustine depending who you hear.
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The famous Bishop of Hippo in North Africa. In terms of Christian theology, few men tower as large as Augustine.
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Towards the end of his life, Augustine wrote what was kind of part biography, part devotional if you will, a work that he called his
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Confessions. And in his Confessions, he basically tells the story of his life, and he's basically confessing all the sins of his life to God.
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It's a very interesting work in that regard. And towards the end of the
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Confessions, it's about nine or ten books total, that's how it's broken up. Towards the end, there's a small little piece about Augustine's mother, a woman who was called
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Monica. We're not entirely sure of the circumstances surrounding Monica's conversion, we just know that she was converted.
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And Monica had a husband called Patricius, and a son, obviously we know him as Augustine of Hippo.
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Neither of them were believers when she became a believer. Augustine doesn't really say, and in fact he seems to want to suggest he wasn't physically violent towards her, but apparently
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Patricius was a very angry man. And he could be quite verbally abusive, and from what, to use terms we would use today, what we would call emotionally absent.
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Augustine, on the other hand, was a libertine. Kind of lived how he wanted, did what he wanted, even though he was very intelligent.
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And Augustine tells the story of both his father and his mother, and himself, and he makes it clear that in the midst of all of this,
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Monica is kind of quiet. After her death, this is when he writes this, he notes that it was through the prayers, and he actually uses the phrase in the original, the silent witness of Monica, that firstly her husband,
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Patricius, was saved about a year before he died, and in fact he cites the, not the spoken witness of his mother, but the prayers of his mother, as being instrumental in his own conversion.
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If you haven't read the conversion story of Augustine, I'll spare you the story because we need to get moving, but it's quite a story.
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But he cites the quiet, prayerful witness of his mother as being instrumental in his own conversion.
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I'll start with that because I think we recognize that there is something powerful about the witness of the
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Christian in their own family. There's something about that that God seems pleased to use for his own glory in bringing people to himself.
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Well, we're in the final scene of this three -part teaching from the Apostle Peter about our witness before a watching world.
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If for a moment I can have your attention and review some of this for a minute. You remember that 1
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Peter is broken up into an introduction, three main sections, and a conclusion. We're in the second part of the main body of this letter where he's talking about our role of submission as God's people.
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Beginning next week, we're going to see how that plays itself out in the community of believers. But so far, he's not really focused on believers.
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He's focused on our outward witness. He's focused on the fact that we are, as the people of God, living in a world that is watching us.
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And so we've been thinking about this, and you remember that I started off our study in verses 11 and 12, and I talked about the posture, as it were, of pilgrim people.
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The posture of pilgrim people. How is they carry themselves? We saw that they are holy people and that they are an honorable people, according to Peter.
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And then for the rest of our time, the last few weeks, we've been thinking about the practice of pilgrim people.
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If they have a particular posture that is internally pursuing holiness and outwardly honorable, well, how does that flesh itself out in day -to -day life?
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And you remember that I said that though Peter is writing to specific groups in society, what he's doing is using those individual groups in society to make a larger point.
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He's using the example of these various groups to teach us principles that apply to all of us when it comes to our witness before a watching world.
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And so we saw, first of all, that pilgrim people properly honor human authority. They are not rebellious by nature.
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Last time, we considered the fact, verses 18 through to 25, that pilgrim people endure unjust suffering, that they are willing to take on suffering that is unjust for the sake of glorifying
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God and being good witnesses. Well, like I said, this afternoon, we are closing this section out and we come to arguably, at least this research
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I've done, I will allude to it a lot this week, I have never seen quite so much controversy.
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I thought there was controversy about some things that Paul says, but not quite as much as I've seen about this passage, and in particular, its application.
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But I put it to you that despite the controversy, don't lose sight of the big picture.
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You remember that I said that if you wanted to give this section a big idea, the big idea is that the people of God honor
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Jesus by living differently, remembering that this world is not their home.
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That's the big idea here, that we as God's people, we are not from here. We live here.
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We are, to use the words of Jesus, we are in this world, but we are not of it. We are people on a journey to our final destination, and while we are waiting to get to our final destination, we, the people of God, have a certain way we should carry ourselves as a result.
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Well, I want to consider one final marker of this. I really want us to think about, as it were, one final marker of pilgrim people and how they honor
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Jesus through faithful witness in everyday life. One more, and the final marker
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I want us to consider is this, that pilgrim people maintain distinctive relational witness.
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They maintain distinctive relational witness. Chapter 3, verses 1 through 7.
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As I said, this might take a while, this might be a long sermon, please bear with me,
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I will do my best to move quickly, but I do need to warn you that this text is a tough one, and that for many of you, a passage like this, whether you are here or you're going to listen to this later, a passage like this is not theoretical for you.
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It's your day -to -day experience. I also recognize that we live on the wrong side, unfortunately, of some cultural and theological shifts that make a passage like this somewhat murky to wade through.
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Because of some of the things that we have unconsciously imbibed, the way that a fish doesn't know they're wet, we don't quite know that we have taken on some ideas and some thoughts that might make a passage like this somewhat difficult to grapple with.
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To those of you who are in the former group, for whom this is an everyday experience, please know that you are incredibly loved.
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We are thankful that you're here or you're listening to this, and we hope that the ministry that happens from God's Word in this place provides a safe place for you.
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And I understand that I will say some things that are tough here. And if I say anything that's out of line, as you all know,
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I say it all the time and I'll say it again, I maintain an open -door policy, please come talk to me, come see me, give me a call, send me an email, and let's talk about it.
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For those of you who are in the latter group, which I would include myself, those who live on the wrong side of the sort of cultural and theological shifts that make a passage like this somewhat odd, for those of us in that group, please know, firstly,
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I love you guys too, but also, I invite you to, for a moment, to suspend your own presuppositions and to check what
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I say against the logic of this text. You see, the only authority in preaching ought to be the
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Word of God. And if my words don't match the book, please pull me aside and let me know. I don't expect just blind listening,
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I expect you to be an active listener, to sit there and say, wait a minute, I'm not sure if I agree. Maybe, please, ask questions as we go.
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Because I want the point of this passage not to be lost on us because we missed some of the details. So, pilgrim people maintain distinctive relational witness.
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Like I said a minute ago, in this final section, Peter's really going to focus our attention on the home, that most intimate of relationships most of us have.
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If you're familiar with the Bible, then you know that the Bible has a lot to say about marriage and the family. We've been going through Genesis, we'll return to that in the fall,
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Lord willing. Right at the beginning of the Bible, God forms the family in Genesis chapter 2.
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The beginning of God's redemptive plan is very family -centric to begin with. Beginning with Adam, through Noah and his descendants, to Abraham and his descendants, which is where we're going to pick up in Genesis in the fall.
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Fast forward to the New Testament, excuse me, and we see that Jesus cared about marriage.
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In Matthew chapter 19 and Mark chapter 10, Jesus gives in -depth teaching on the subject of marriage and divorce because that mattered to him.
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Same in the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew chapter 5. Paul speaks to marriage in some of the more famous passages that we cite.
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Ephesians chapters 5 and 6 and Colossians 3 and 4, he talks at length about the subject of marriage.
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God is concerned about the home life of his people. This is obviously not a subject that the
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Bible shies away from. But the question becomes, why does Peter feel the need to bring up that subject here?
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So far, he's talked about our relationship to government. He's talked about our relationship to slaves and masters.
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But now he starts talking about the relationship of husbands and wives.
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And I think there's a technical reason for this, but there's also a practical one as well. The technical reason is, this was actually very common in the ancient world.
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These sorts of lists of instructions and virtues that were commended to varying family members.
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The New Testament is very different in that it addresses groups that typically weren't addressed like wives and children, well, wives and slaves, excuse me.
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But the New Testament seems to borrow this idea of speaking to various family groups and laying out what the ethic of the home should be.
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So that's the technical reason. But I think there's a practical reason that Peter gives us here. And the practical reason,
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I think, is this. I think Peter mentions this because if there is one place where maintaining a distinctive and faithful witness can be hardest, it's in your home.
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In a couple of weeks, my mother will be here. I hope none of you ask my mother embarrassing questions about me.
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But if you were to ask my mother embarrassing questions about me, she will tell you.
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My son is no angel. I have never claimed to be, but that's neither here nor there. She will gladly tell you that, listen, my son is no angel.
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And oftentimes, I'll be honest, I look back at my life and I'm like, yeah, there were times
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I made my witness in my home, and granted, I come from a Christian family, but I made my witness at home more difficult than it needed to be.
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And we often, if we think about this, it's hardest often to witness to those who know us that closely.
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I mean, after all, they know all your flaws. They might even know what buttons to push. They usually don't feel the need to varnish their behavior around you.
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The family relationship, especially in the sphere of marriage, often leaves you no place to run.
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There are no room for hypocrites here because in the case of husbands and wives, you all live together.
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There's no way for you to pretend to be one thing and be something else because they are with you all the time.
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Peter's teaching is going to hit home precisely because our witness at home can be tricky. And yet, though it can be tricky, it can be the most powerful sphere in which we witness.
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Much as it was for Monica, her husband, Patricius, and her son, Augustine.
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To help us get our arms around Peter's teaching, can I invite you to consider two facets of this distinct relational witness that Peter zooms in on in our text?
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First of all, Peter says that we need to pay attention to, this is how
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I put it, the exemplary conduct of wives. The exemplary conduct of wives, verses 1 through 6 of our text.
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So as our text begins in verses 1 through 6, it ties itself right back to the section we looked at last time in verses 21 through to 25.
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That little word there, well, in the original language it's one word. Here it's in the same way. He's reminding you of what he's just said about the example of Jesus.
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And so he says, verse 1, in the same way wives submit yourselves to your own husbands so that if they disobey the word, they may be won over without a word by the way their wives live.
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See, it's Christ's attitude of endurance and submission to the Father's will that's meant to provide the backdrop to what
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Peter is going to command us to do here. You see, it's not necessarily in Peter's mind because the husband necessarily deserves it or because he has the temerity to demand it.
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It's because we serve and honor the one who endured all for us that we are able to, see the command there?
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Submit yourselves to your own husbands. Now just some basic observation, first of all,
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Peter does not say women submit, does
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That's not a teaching the Bible actually says. Notes that he clearly says wives submit yourselves to your own husbands.
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This is in the context of the relationship between husbands and wives. This is not a universal principle being laid out here.
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I think that's a bigger conversation to have than what Peter is attempting to do here. And know that this is a choice on the part of the wife.
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It's a decision of the will, to use the fancy term. It's volitional in nature. The text is very clear that she is to submit, or wives, excuse me, are to submit yourselves.
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They make this decision. This is a choice on the part of the wife, not a demand or a response to threatening on the part of the husband.
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Secondly, this ethos of submission is not aimless. It's not without strategy to it as it were.
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It's somewhat strategic on Peter's part. So verse one, he says, in the same way wives submit to your own husbands, so that even if some disobey the word, they may be won over without a word by the way their wives live when they observe your pure, reverent lives.
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Peter specifically will now dial it into the situation of the wife with an unbelieving husband.
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Not uncommon in the ancient world, and not uncommon in 21st century America either. And Peter's point seems to be very simple, and it's a point where I think he's now speaking to us in particular, that as believing wives postured themselves in an attitude of submission even to their unbelieving husbands, their obedience would serve as a distinctive witness in those relationships.
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A witness that would be used by God, because let's be clear, your witness can't save anyone.
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Your witness is a tool that God may use in his providence to save, but ultimately it's
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God who saves, not people. Plus that little word by here in our passage, it's literally the word through.
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It speaks to means or agency. Witness isn't the cause of salvation, but it's a tool that God will use.
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And Peter seems to suggest that it's a tool that would be used to bring their husbands to saving faith.
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And what is it about their witness that would accomplish this? What is it about the witness of Christian women in submitting to their husbands that would actually accomplish this?
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Well, look at verses three and four with me. Don't let your beauty consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles, wearing gold jewelry, or fine clothes, but rather what is inside the heart, the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight?
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Do you catch the contrast? It's really simple if you just pay attention to it. That there is an outward beauty, oh, fun fact, the word here that's translated beauty is the word cosmos, literally, where we get world from, is the idea of an arrangement, placing in order.
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I don't know the first thing about makeup, but I generally gather the idea of wearing makeup is you're arranging the face to make it look pretty.
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I'm a guy, I don't know the first thing about makeup. But either way, that's where our word cosmetic comes from, same idea.
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Outward beauty, Peter says, is the stuff that we can see with our physical eye, what you do with your hair, what you wear, and what you put on.
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He says there's that, but then there is an inner beauty. The word that's translated in our text here as what's inside the heart, actually, it literally means the secret person of the heart, that there's the you that we can see, as it were, and then there's the you that we can't see, the immaterial part of you, the part that we can't touch and hear and see.
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And Peter would have us to understand that for the Christian, male or female.
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What truly makes you you is not what we can see, it's what goes on in the heart. What goes on in the heart will manifest itself in what we can see.
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But the real you is what happens in your heart. And so Peter says that, ladies, don't let your beauty, some translations will add a helpful word here, like the
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New American Standard, it will add the word merely consist. I think that's one of those times where adding a word actually helps, because he's not saying don't wear nice things, just wear a potato sack and dust and ashes in your hair, and that's not his point.
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His point is this, that's not what makes you you, and that's not where you put the focus of your life.
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Peter makes, excuse me, Paul makes a similar point, 1 Timothy chapter 2, verses 9 and 10. You don't need to turn there, but if you're taking notes, 1
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Timothy 2, 9 and 10. Also the women are to dress themselves in modest clothing, with decency and good sense, not with elaborate hairstyles, gold pearls, or expensive apparel, but with good works as is proper for women who profess to worship
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God. There's a context to this as we think about the world of the Old Testament. The New Testament, excuse me.
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In the New Testament, women would often show their social status through the clothes they wore, the jewelry they donned, and if you had, as I like to say, money, money, you know, some people have money and some people have money, money.
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If you had money, money, you would braid the gold and the jewelry into your hair.
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I have to imagine it would have to be painful to walk around in in the ancient world, but be that as it may, that's kind of how you demonstrated you had money, money.
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Well, okay, why does the New Testament feel the need to bang on that? It just seems like a cultural oddity than anything else.
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But can I put it to you in one word what's wrong with that? The problem with that is it's immodest.
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Now in the 21st century, lots gets made out of that word in the church, and then we start trying to regulate things, and that's,
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I don't think what the New Testament does. You see, can I put it to you that modesty is not so much about how much skin is on display as much as the lack of, here's the key word there, modesty.
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Not making yourself, when you say somebody's modest, what do you mean? They're not the kind of person who makes themselves the center of attention.
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They don't put themselves up front. That's the Bible understanding of modesty. I'll pause for a moment and say that.
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It's perfectly possible to be covered from head to toe and still be immodest, and that's not to excuse dressing badly, but can
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I put it to you that sometimes I think we think, well, if I have covered up enough, I'm still being more modest than the person who leaves nothing to the imagination.
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Actually, the New Testament ideal of modesty is the idea of, I dress in such a way as I don't make myself the center of attention.
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Might I also add that Peter actually doesn't say it's wrong to dress nicely. He doesn't actually say that here.
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That word consist is important, that that's what makes up who you are. I mean, in the modern parlance, what would we say?
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You're skin deep. That's what he says is wrong. It's wrong for that, what we can see outwardly to be the sum and the substance of who you are.
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That's what Peter's getting at in these verses. That true beauty is not skin deep, it is heart deep.
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That true beauty is a matter of the heart and the spirit, not the face and the body.
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What is truly attractive for the Christian is godliness. Those of you who have heard me preach for any length of time, you know that one of my favorite verses is
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Titus chapter 2 verse 10, and I always quote it in the NIV, Titus 2 .10. In fact, let me read from verse 9. It says, teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, to not talk back to them and to not steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted so that in every way they will make the teaching about God, our savior, attractive.
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What is truly attractive in the sight of God is beauty that radiates from within, from the spirit's work on the inside.
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And after all, this should make sense because this is how Christians are called to operate. We're called not to judge things by how we see them, but by what
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God has said in his word. I mean, that's who our God is. First Samuel 16 .7,
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remember that from the life of David? Man looks on the outward appearance, but Yahweh, the
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Lord, the eternal God, he looks on the heart. That's how we're supposed to operate. Now so far, at least in my study this week, everything
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I just said was not controversial. Most people across the spectrum generally agreed. What got controversial was the description that Peter gives in verse four.
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So can I draw your attention to verse four again? He says, don't let your beauty consist of outward things, but rather what is inside the heart, the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
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As I read commentary after commentary this week, as I read blog post after blog post this week, these four words, gentle and quiet spirit, really, really, really raise up a lot of controversy.
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And so I realized as I was putting this together, there's no way for me to simplify this. I kind of have to take a deep dive for a moment and explain what this phrase means.
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So let's do that. Two words here that seem to be the center of the controversy, what it means to be gentle and what it means to be quiet.
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First Peter is a book that has a lot of these phrases, there's a technical term for it, I won't use it, but it has a lot of these words and phrases that only appear in one place in the whole
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New Testament, a very disproportionate amount for the size of the letter. And this word, thankfully, isn't one of them.
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The word we'll look at in a moment is. But this word that's translated gentle, some of your translations will have meek as a translation for this.
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It appears four times in your New Testament. One of them we just read. The other three times comes to us in Matthew's gospel.
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So if you're taking notes, Matthew 5 .5, where my translation says, blessed are the humble for they will inherit the earth.
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That word humble, some of the translations will say the meek, this word here. Matthew 11 .29,
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favorite verses of many. Well, Matthew 11 .28, come to me all you who are weary and are heavy laden,
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I will give you rest. Verse 29, take up my yoke and learn from me because I am lowly and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.
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Matthew 21 .5, again, quoting the Old Testament of Jesus, Matthew 21 .5,
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told all to Zion, see your king is coming to you, gentle, there's that word again, and mounted on a donkey and on a colt, the foal of a donkey.
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Now you probably have picked up like I did this week, okay, well, none of those really helped me get to a definition, they just used the word.
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So the next step we're typically taught is you start to use the tools that we have available to us to help us determine what words mean.
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And when you look at the various tools we have, the definition gets a little bit more focused. So the sort of standard
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Greek dictionary, it goes by the nickname BDAC from the initials of the surnames of the author.
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It says this, that this word means not being overly impressed by a sense of one's self -importance.
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Oh, okay, that gets us a little close. One commentator describes it like this, that the word means not insistent on one's own rights, not pushy, not selfishly assertive, not demanding one's own way.
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Okay, so let's file that away. This idea of gentle, the idea of not being overly impressed by a sense of one's self -importance, not insisting on one's own rights, not pushy, not selfishly assertive, not demanding one's own way.
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Okay, what about quiet? This is where the real controversy was, because in my research this week, as I read...
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I like to do two things when it comes to controversial phrases in the Bible. I read what commentators say, and I like to read what people in general have to say.
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I usually don't agree with what people have to say, but in general, I'll read it anyway. And I noticed that writer after writer this week attempted to kind of, in my opinion, as I study this more and more, explain this away somewhat, usually on the grounds of personality.
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The idea was that, well, this isn't my personality, so whatever this text says, it can't mean that.
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Well, stay tuned, we'll talk about that at length in just a moment. For now, let's look at what the word is. Like I said, this word for gentle, it's not one of those words that only appears once, but it only appears in one other place.
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We often quote it in the context of prayer, 1 Timothy chapter 2 and verse 2, that we are to pray for kings and all those who are in authority so that we may lead a tranquil and quiet life.
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Same word. So, again, not the most help in trying to find out just by looking how it's used in other contexts.
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So, once again, I went to the tools that I have. I kid you not, in this huge multi -thousand page dictionary, this is the one definition they had for this word.
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Well ordered. It's like, well, that really helps. So I went really old school.
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Some of you, if you grew up in church like I did, you're probably familiar with Strong's Concordance. I still remember my dad, huge, wieldy old thing that you could probably kill someone with if you hit them with it.
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A little dated, but useful when you use it right. Here's the definition that it gave for this word. It said that it refers to keeping one's seat by implication still, undisturbed, peaceable, quiet.
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Okay, that kind of helped. And as I studied and studied and studied this week, here's what
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I believe Peter is saying. Peter's point is that for the
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Christian woman whose primary concern is not herself but her witness before the
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Lord, their disposition is one that is willing to lay down both their rights and their voice for the sake of their witness.
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Let me say that again. Peter's point is that for the Christian woman whose primary concern is not herself but her witness before the
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Lord, their disposition is one that is willing to lay down both their rights and their voice for the sake of their witness.
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And like I said, it was fascinating to me this week as I read and as I studied that all the people who had expertise in the language went one way and all the people who didn't have any understanding of how the
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Greek language works went the other way. And it was typically the commentaries going one way and the bloggers going another, which doesn't really surprise me.
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Before I dig down deep into this, let me just upfront tell you the two objections that I encountered the most this week. I told you we're doing a bit of a deep dive for a moment.
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We'll get back to the sermon in a second. Two big objections. Number one, this was the one that came up most of the time from pretty much everyone.
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You're asking women to be doormats. I read 40 articles, 38 mentioned that exact word.
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That was interesting to me. The second objection that came up was, well, that's just not my personality.
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Actually, that came up in all 40 of them. Now, let me answer the easiest one first and come to the slightly more difficult one.
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Well, of course, there is no inherent value in just being trodden down by everyone, male or female.
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In that sense, if you want to use the doormat objection, well, yes, there is no inherent virtue in that, absolutely not.
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And of course, in a fallen world, let's escape the realm of marriage for a moment, in general, are there going to be people who take advantage of the more gentle among them?
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All I ask, if you have worked in a secular environment, as I have, you know this firsthand.
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We all know the type, the type who will basically crush and jump over anybody to get one rung up on the ladder.
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Of course, this happens, and of course, this will unfortunately happen in the world of marriage. Of course, in a fallen world, some husbands can and will abuse texts like this to demand fear -driven control, not dealing with their own sin, but blaming somebody else.
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Let's be clear, that happens. But can
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I remind you that the abuse of a principle doesn't mean we call into question the principle, not at first anyway.
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We question the abuser. If a principle in God's word is being abused, if we can prove it comes from God's word, then the principle isn't the problem.
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The hearts of men is the problem, and that's what you go after. I put it to you that the principle of being gentle and quiet, the principle of voluntarily laying down voice and rights for the sake of witness doesn't necessarily make you a doormat.
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What about the objection of personality? Well, for a moment, let's get theological.
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Let's talk about the doctrine of man for a second. Man is made in the image of God.
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If you question that, I invite you to go back to the sermon that we did in Genesis chapter 1, where we talked about that at length.
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Man is made in the image of God. That includes your personality. You are who you are by the sovereign ordination of God.
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I think we can all agree that. But your personality is not 100 % untouched by sin, is it?
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There are elements of your personality which are good and God -glorified. And if you are honest with yourself in your heart of hearts, there are elements of your personality which have either been taught to you or you just inherently are the way they are, which are warped by sin.
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Lest you think that I'm pointing fingers at anybody, allow me to use myself as an example. If you don't believe me,
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I told you, my mother is coming in two weeks. Ask her. I can be a loner.
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I'm not always the best team player. I'm easily irritated when jobs are done properly. You've heard me say it multiple times that the hardest command in the
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Bible for Kofi to obey is the one that says, love your enemies. That's not my nature. I don't hate my enemies.
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I'm just indifferent towards them, which is as good as hating them according to the Bible. Then I come to the
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Bible and the Bible says that I am to be patient with everyone, I am to be kind, and the
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Bible even has the temerity to say multiple times, I am to love my enemies.
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I am to seek to do good to them. In fact, in Matthew chapter five, it says, you're supposed to do that because that's what your father in heaven does.
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He lets the rain fall on the just and the unjust, and he lets the sun shine on the wicked as well as the righteous. Now, I can sit there and say, you know what?
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My personality is such that I'm a loner, so I won't go to church. I'm not the best team player, so I'm not going to minister alongside anybody.
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I'm easily irritated when jobs are done poorly, so guess what? I'm never going to ask for help. And I can say that, you know what?
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I don't love my enemies, so you know what? I'm just going to hang out with the people who like me and ignore the people who don't, even though Jesus said that the
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Gentiles, non -believing people, do that. Now, some of you are looking at me right now like, are you sure we should be listening to this guy?
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Well, again, if you look in your own heart of hearts, you know that you have elements of your personality that are far from righteous.
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And so what do I do? The same thing I have done, I won't say every day, but a lot of days in my 17 years of walking with Jesus, I have to go back to God's Word, I have to remind myself of what it says.
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So I have a litany of verses I just have on repeat in my head regularly. Ephesians 4, 32, be kind, tender -hearted, forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sake, forgave you.
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Colossians 3, verse 12, to put on bowels of compassion, literally. James 1, verse 20, that human anger doesn't work
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God's righteousness. Hebrews 10, 24, and 25, that I'm to consider how to spare one another to love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together as the manner of some is.
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I have to daily go back to God's Word, get on my knees, pray and seek divine strength to put those elements of my personality to death.
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That's what Paul can say, ladies, you're going to be in Colossians next week. He'll say, put to death that which is earthly among you.
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I believe in Colossians chapter 3. If you look in your heart of hearts, you know those areas that are far from Christ -like.
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And more often than not, you say, well, that's just my personality. I'm just, here's the 21st century term, I'm just being authentic.
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Can I put it to you, being authentically sinful? All of us are called by God to crucify those elements of our personality which don't line up with Scripture.
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And here's the thing, that means for some of us, it's going to look like adopting some attitudes.
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So you can say, well, by nature, I'm a very laid back, I'm somewhat lazy.
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Well, the book of Proverbs has a lot to say about laziness. You might want to adopt the ethic of hard work or find someone who can teach that to you.
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I'm a naturally selfish person. Well, the New Testament ethic is, the selfish person is to learn how to serve.
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I'm the kind of person, I just like to hide in the background. Okay, well, there may be times and places where God calls you not to hide in the background but to step up.
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And for some of us, it's not adopting some attitudes, it's going to have to mean getting rid of some attitudes.
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It may mean not needing to be heard all the time. You know, Proverbs chapter 18 verse 2, if you want a passage that kind of stings, stings me regularly,
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Proverbs 18 .2, a fool does not delight in understanding but only wants to show off his opinions.
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Proverbs is the mark of a foolish person, a person who lacks wisdom. It says, they always feel this need to share their opinion on everything.
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For some of us, it may be we're not throwing our weight around because you are, here's the word that we use, assertive.
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I mean, I was at school, we had a word for it, we called it bossy, but yeah, okay, assertive. And yes, that might not be your natural disposition.
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But can I pause for a moment and say, who told you that was meant to be your natural disposition to begin with? Remember the first phrase of this text, in the same way, remember who that's pointing you to?
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It's pointing you to Jesus. Jesus is, not was, is humble and lowly and gentle.
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Yes, when he was confronting sin and confronting evil, he could be as fierce as a lion, but you don't see
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Jesus generally asserting his rights and trying to make life easier for himself all the time, do you? In fact, he was the one who said,
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Mark 10, 45, the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many.
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And how far was Jesus willing to go with that? Philippians chapter two, we quote often, funny,
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Paul employs the argument, calling the Philippians to humility. And he says, remember
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Jesus, who was in the form of God, he was exalted and lifted up, and yet he had no problem in saying, you know what, as exalted and lifted up as I am,
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I am going to humble myself all the way down to the form of a slave. And not only did he humble himself all the way down to the form of a slave, he humbled himself all the way to the cross.
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And here's the good news. First of all, this work we're talking about, really we're talking about mortifying sin.
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This work is the work of a lifetime. I love how the 1689 Confession puts it, it says, quote, this sanctification extends through the whole person, though it is never completed in this life.
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Some corruption remains in every part, and from this arises a continual and irreconcilable war with the desires of the flesh against the spirit, and the spirit against the flesh.
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Some of you know that experience all too well, because that is like every single day. And I put myself front of that queue.
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In this war, the remaining corruption may prevail for a time, yet through the continual supply of strength from the sanctifying spirit of Christ, the regenerate part overcomes.
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Here's the good news. For the Christian, yes, dealing with our personality and the elements of our personality that are sinful may take a lifetime, but the good news is the spirit of God wins.
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And so the Confession can conclude, so the saints grow in grace, perfecting holiness in the favor of God. They pursue a heavenly life in gospel obedience to all the commands that Christ as head and king has given them in his word.
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So it might not be your personality to be gentle and quiet, to exercise the willingness to not insist on one's rights, and the willingness to, as it were, take a seat when you wish to rise up.
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It may not be your personality, and it may require mortifying parts of your own personality, but brothers and sisters, can
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I put it to you that the spirit of God overcomes even the sinfulness of our own personalities.
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Wife or husband, male or female, God's desire is for us to be different from the world, even, might
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I actually say especially, in reacting to undesired situations.
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Why? Because we do so for the sake of the mission. Coming back to our text, my deep dive is over.
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Coming back to our text, Peter says that this is preciously of great value in the sight of God.
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Wayne Grudem in his commentary on 1 Peter says that no doubt this is the case because such a spirit is the result of quiet and continual trusting
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God to supply one's needs, and God delights in being trusted.
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Ultimately, brothers and sisters, we're talking about a matter of faith, and for a moment I'm taking a step back from talking about unbelieving wives and their husbands to talk to all
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Christians. Christian, do you trust our Father and our
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Savior enough to not insist on our own way? Do we trust, do
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I trust in our Father and our Savior enough to be willing to be seated when everything in us wants to rise up for ourselves?
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Do we trust the Father enough to act like Jesus who, when he had every opportunity to speak, remained silent?
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Yes, this is written primarily to Christian wives, but the principle I think applies to everybody. The mission is more important than you.
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It's more important than me. It's more important than anybody else. It was for Jesus, and by the
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Spirit's continual help, it has to be for us. To buttress his point,
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Peter points to the Old Testament once again, we come back to our text verses 5 and 6. In verses 5 and 6, he essentially undercuts the argument that this was a new idea by pointing to, as he describes it, the holy women, you see that in verse 5, for in the past the holy women who put their hope in God also adorned themselves in this way, submitting to their own husbands.
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And he goes all the way back to the early beginnings of God's redemptive plan.
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In our text, Sarah takes center stage. This is the second time he's quoting an example from the Old Testament. The first time was
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Christ. This time he gives us Sarah, the wife of Abraham, and it's her obedience.
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You know, he says that in verse 6, he says, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, it's her obedience that is highlighted in this passage.
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Now, Peter is not saying that marriage merely boils down to a relationship of authority and submission.
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I like how Tom Schreiner, his excellent commentary on 1 Peter, he lays it out like this, reading the whole marriage relationship through the lens of submission is liable to distort significantly the whole
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Scriptures. So yes, marriage is not just about authority and submission, of course not.
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This is not the parent -child relationship, which is mostly categorized by authority and submission.
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Obedience looks different from a wife to a husband, and if it doesn't, let's say something has gotten very wrong.
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In fact, if you're taking notes, 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verses 3 through 5, it teaches us that there is an element of mutuality in marriage, that one person doesn't own another person, but rather it's, no, there's a mutual sharing.
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Paul says it like this, that, quote, a husband does not have the right over his, excuse me, a wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does.
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In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does.
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There's a mutuality to marriage here, and so yes, the marriage union is a deeply complex balancing act of various ebbs and flows, and natural, and excuse me, the nature of obedience is not the sole relational measure of what makes for a good marriage.
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Now that all being said, I like how Shriner continues in the quote I just said, nevertheless, what cannot be washed away is the responsibility of wives to follow their husband's leadership.
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And you'd catch that for Peter, he says, it's a matter of hope in God. That's the driving force for the submission that the, remember, this is primarily written to the
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Christian wife with an unbelieving husband, that it's hope in God that fuels submission even to a husband that doesn't yet know
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Jesus. To highlight the depth of this heart submission,
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Peter seems to pick up on a very random anecdote from the book of Genesis. I'm already running out of time, so I don't have time to get there, but if you're taking notes,
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Genesis chapter 18 verses 1 through 12, one of my favorite stories in Genesis, three men come up to Abraham's tent, and as they come up to Abraham's tent,
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Abraham recognizes these aren't ordinary men, I need to put some stuff together real quick, please come stay with me.
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So they come and they stay, and clearly the one who is the incarnate
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God speaks to Abraham and tells him, listen, according to the time of life, in other words, this time next year, you'll have a son.
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Remember, Abraham's like close to 100, if not 100 already. Wife is not too far behind him.
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And in Genesis chapter 18 verse 12, the fascinating thing is that Sarah, while she is mocking what
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God says, in Genesis chapter 18 verse 12, says, shall I have laughter when my, the text is interesting, the text says, when my
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Lord is old, calls Abraham her
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Lord. And unless you try to say, well, it doesn't mean Lord, no, it's the same word that's used for God, it's just a diminutive form of that.
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The word Adon, we call God Adonai. Now let me put you at ease,
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Peter is not saying to Christian wives that you need to go around calling your husband Lord, that's just a little bit weird in 2022.
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I don't think that's Peter's point here entirely. I'll let wives and husbands debate whether they want to use such honorifics in their own home.
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I don't think that's what Peter was arguing about here. You see, the point isn't so much her being, her calling her husband
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Lord, Peter tells you what the point is. You have become her children.
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No, he doesn't say you become her children if you call your husband Lord, no, he says you have become her children when you do what is good and do not fear any intimidation.
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The point isn't so much what he calls, she called Abraham, excuse me, as much as why she did it.
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It's the fact that she had such a degree of respect and honor for her husband, she's willing to speak in those terms, even to a man who was as imperfect as Abraham.
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And if you don't know how imperfect Abraham is, come back in the fall, we'll be in Genesis, you will see lots of face palm moments from Abraham.
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And even in the face of that, Sarah, excuse me, showed exceptional honor to her husband, imperfect as he was.
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Like I said, the term of address is neither here nor there. And quite frankly, I've seen people this week try to say, well, if you say that they need to be gentle and quiet, then you need to also say they need to call their husbands
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Lord, missing the point entirely. Words in the grand scheme are not equal to a heart disposition.
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And Peter is going for the heart here. That's why Peter says, verse six, you have become her children when you do what is good and do not fear any intimidation.
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Now I am not naive. I'm sure somebody will say, Kofi, the harm does happen when
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Christian wives submit to non -Christian husbands. It does. I know people that happen to, some might even say it even happened to me.
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Let me be clear. We live in a fallen world. And even in the relationship where abuse ought never to happen, it does.
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The one relationship where the Bible says you ought to care for the other person like you care for your own flesh. Please don't hear me as saying that abuse is okay.
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Please don't hear me saying that abuse is just to be endured in silence. We've already read it in this passage.
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God gives the sword to the state for the purpose of punishing evil doers.
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And I put it to you that domestic abuse is a radically evil form of evil. And can
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I put it to you that Christians at times have failed because rather than get the civil authority involved like they were supposed to, they try to cover it up in silence or worse, by aiding and abetting it.
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Please feel free to come and debate with me afterwards. I have all the time in the world on this one. I would go so far as to say divorce biblically is a valid option for a spouse who is being abused.
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Abuse is not what Peter is talking about here. And if anybody, if anybody uses this text to justify abuse,
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I believe that the civil authority must act with severeness towards that.
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And that doesn't even go without saying that I think that person's automatically up for church discipline. Abuse is not what
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Peter is talking about here, and I would say shame on anybody who uses verses like this to justify that.
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No, this is not what Peter is calling for here. Two final points of application before I quickly move on to verse seven.
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I told you this would be a longer sermon than usual. First of all, while Peter is indeed speaking to Christian wives primarily with unsaved husbands, this is the high calling for all
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Christian wives. Second of all, fellas, you're not off the hook here because you have a responsibility to live distinctively as well.
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In fact, Peter has a whole set of words pointed in your direction. We've talked about the exemplary conduct of wives.
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Secondly, can we consider the exceptional commitment of husbands, verse seven? The exceptional commitment of husbands in verse seven?
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Some people get really bent out of shape because Peter has so much to say to wives, and he has one paragraph, a few words in the
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Greek language to say to husbands. Well, first of all, if you've noticed the thread in this passage,
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Peter addresses those primarily who have ... How do
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I put this? They are under authority typically. He's spoken to Christians in general because we are all under the authority of the state.
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He has spoken to slaves because they are under the authority of their masters, and he's spent of his time so far talking about wives because they are under the
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God -ordained leadership of their husbands. This really shouldn't raise hackles, but Peter does also speak to husbands here.
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I would suggest from the context, he's speaking to husbands in a similar situation. You're a Christian husband.
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You've got an unsaved wife. Even with their God -given role of provision, protection, and direction,
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Christian husbands have a witness to maintain to, verse seven, as we start to land the plane. Verse seven, he says, husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way.
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In the same way, I argue, is connecting back to the example of Jesus. In the same way that Jesus took the road of weakness and making himself small,
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Christian husbands demonstrate Christ -likeness when they exercise gentleness and humility.
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In our passage here, it takes two particular forms. First of all, living with your wife in an understanding way.
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It's a participle. It's not actually a verb. Some of your Bibles will have it as a verb. It's not. It's basically saying, this is how you do this.
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You demonstrate this Christ -likeness by living with your spouse in understanding, literally, according to knowledge.
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Like how Matthew Henry puts it, dwelling with the wife according to knowledge, not according to lust as brutes, not according to passion as devils, but according to knowledge as one who knows the word of God and knows his duty.
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For the Christian, we don't seek to do things just on the basis of, well, this makes sense to me, or this is how
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I operate. No, he says, according to knowledge, and I would argue knowledge is in two senses. There's a horizontal aspect to this and a vertical aspect to this.
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Horizontally, it's with a knowledge of the person that you are married to, and vertically, with a knowledge of what
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God commands. He says that we have to do this as with a weaker partner.
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Some translations have it weaker vessel. Vessel is actually the word there. Lots of galskets made out of this.
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I think the general point Peter is making is that wives are, generally speaking, physically weaker than their husbands, thus they are more prone to intimidation.
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Why? Why? He has more strength than her, physically speaking. This is not about emotional weakness or mental weakness in any way.
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He says, given the fact that you have the power in the marriage, so to speak, you have the authority in the marriage,
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Christian husband, you are not to, as it were, flex your authority in a way that is threatening and demeaning, but you would rather to live with your wife according to knowledge, knowledge of who she is and knowledge of who
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God is. He also says that the way in which we demonstrate
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Christ's likeness, the second way, is through showing them honor. Showing them honor.
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Now, this shouldn't be surprising. Peter's told us we're supposed to honor everyone. That's what he says in 1 Peter 2 .17. Same word.
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He says you're to honor everyone, but here he says you are to show them honor as co -heirs of the grace of life.
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This is one reason I don't believe he's speaking to Christian husbands of Christian wives here.
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The grace of life here seems to be a much more general term than salvation. I think he's talking about common grace, the fact that we live in the world, we enjoy life like everyone else does.
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He says, listen, she's a human being too, so treat her like one. In fact, show her honor.
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Why? Because you're commanded by God to honor everyone. It's not, I honor everyone, but you I live with, so I don't need to worry about that.
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Actually, if anything, it's because you live with her that you show her honor. Husbands, unless you think you get off the hook, please look at the end of verse seven.
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Why do you do this? So that your prayers will not be hindered.
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I remember being a teenager and reading that for the first time and being terrified, like, I'm never going to get married, because I was like,
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I like my prayers being answered. I don't want to mess with that. Took me a while to realize that, well, actually
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God won't answer your prayers even in that moment because you're being selfish. There you are. He says, you do this so that your prayers will not be hindered.
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Why? Because as one commentator puts it, God does not honor those who abuse the authority he himself gives.
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So for the Christian husband who had an unsaved wife, he was not to use his authority to compel his wife, to threaten his wife, to make his wife do anything.
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Rather, he's to live with her in understanding and he's to show her honor as one who shares his grace of wife, knowing that if he doesn't, the
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God who shares his grace with us will cut the faucet off, so to speak. I'm done.
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Again, this seems like a tall order, doesn't it? Seems like a lot. And there's no simple way to answer all of this.
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But can I encourage you from God's word? Can I encourage you that you are never meant to pursue any of this in your own strength?
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And in fact, can I put it to you that you will fail at this? Miserably so. My wife's not here, but you can ask her.
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I'm not an easy person to live with. But in the moments where we fail at this, the answer is not as it were to sow as it were fig leaves for ourselves, trying to try harder and do better, but rather we fall upon the grace of Christ.
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And we come back to the throne of grace once again and say, Lord, help me. I believe. Help my unbelief.
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Let's pray together. And Lord, we come to you once again.
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We read passages like this and what they call us to, and they are heavy and they are weighty in what they call for.
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Father, help us that we would ultimately seek strength in you, that as we have come to Christ for pardon, we would also regularly go to Christ for power to live in this kind of way.
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Father, I pray for any who may be listening to this either in person or later on who finds himself in this situation.
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May they find greater grace. May they find greater strength being poured out as they cease trying to do it in themselves and they trust and rely and put their hope in you.
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Father, help us to honor one another, whether married or not, may we be characterized by respect and honor and giving dignity to those that we encounter ultimately because we want to glorify you and we want to serve with you in your mission.