How To Build A Household Of Faith - [Psalm 127]

Bethlehem Bible Church iconBethlehem Bible Church

2 views

0 comments

00:01
Okay, what we're going to do is finish up the Deuteronomy 6 study in this second session.
00:06
In our final session, I'm going to bring together the study of Psalm 127 and 128, which actually works quite well because they are companion psalms that have much overlap in terms of the themes that they are addressing.
00:23
So that's how we will proceed. So I've shared with you so far from Deuteronomy chapter 6 that the
00:29
Bible says that we are men in particular to teach our children to obey
00:34
God, to love God, and to know God. And then what
00:39
I've tried to do in looking at these practical things is they've got to watch you, dad, obey
00:46
God. And they've got to watch you, as a dad, love God.
00:52
And they've got to see a dad who takes seriously the command to know
00:58
God. And then in knowing Him, in loving Him, and obeying Him, then you live out certain kinds of principles and certain kinds of convictions that are just absolutely non -negotiable in your particular life.
01:12
And so in this second session, I'm going to share about 10, 11 more of those with you that you can build on the previous ones that we've seen.
01:20
So the fifth thing that a child needs to see in a dad is one who loves unconditionally.
01:26
One who loves unconditionally. You say, why? Because it will build acceptance and a sense of self -worth in that child.
01:35
In other words, it's not that you love all that they do. There'll be times when you have to say to your child, what you're doing,
01:41
I cannot approve of, what you're doing, I don't like, what you're doing, I think is wrong, what you're doing,
01:47
I'm not going to put up with. But you never deny to them the fact that you love them and that you see in them someone valuable and who has a sense of worth.
01:57
Of course, the classic text that deals with love is 1 Corinthians chapter 13, and in particular, verses 4 through the first part of verse 8 help us understand what this kind of love looks like both in a marriage relationship, but also in a parent -child relationship.
02:15
In fact, I've had the honor so far of marrying three of my sons, and hopefully we'll get the chance to do it for the fourth as well.
02:23
It's pretty cool to be standing up here watching your son with his bride -to -be, who's going to be your daughter -in -law, and the three brothers standing there as groomsmen.
02:33
The only negative, ladies, is that your wife is sitting there by herself because there's no one there to sit with her since they're all a part of the wedding ceremony.
02:43
But in each of those wedding ceremonies, I read 1 Corinthians chapter 13. Now, I know 1 Corinthians 13 is in the context of a discussion of spiritual gifts.
02:52
I know that. But I also know that Paul is telling the Corinthians that love is essential to the health of the body -life of the church.
03:00
I don't think Paul would disagree that it is also essential to the health of the body -life of a marriage and also of a family.
03:10
And so what do children need to see day in and day out in the life of a dad who takes seriously the call to obey, love, and know
03:19
God? Well, here's what 1 Corinthians 13, verse 4 says. Love is patient. Love is kind.
03:26
Love is not jealous. Love does not brag and is not arrogant.
03:32
It does not act unbecomingly. It does not seek its own. It is not provoked.
03:39
It does not take into account a wrong suffered. It does not rejoice in unrighteousness.
03:44
It rejoices with the truth. It bears all things. It believes all things.
03:50
It hopes all things. It endures all things. Love never fails.
03:56
And then the end of the chapter says, but now abide faith, hope, and love, these three. But the greatest of these is love.
04:02
Why? Because faith eventually gives way to sight. Hope eventually becomes reality.
04:08
And interestingly, the Bible never says God is faith. The Bible never says God is hope.
04:13
But twice in 1 John chapter 4, the Bible says God is love. It's the very nature and character of God to love.
04:22
And therefore, if that is his nature and character, those of us who have been born again, those of us who have been regenerated, who now have a relationship with this
04:29
God, it will be the natural, supernatural outflow of our lives to love our children as well as our mate and other.
04:39
By the way, if you look at that text very carefully, all of those terms are verbs.
04:45
Love is an action word. It's not an abstract idea. And secondly, they're all in the present tense, which means this is to be the pattern or the habit of your life.
04:54
In other words, do you love your mate and your children and others perfectly? No, you can't.
04:59
But you do love consistently. It is the pattern of your life. It is the normal way in which you conduct yourselves.
05:06
One of the ones that really stands out there for me, the King James says love is not rude.
05:13
Here it says love does not act unbecomingly. I have a real pet peeve in this area with many men.
05:22
And that therefore means, in most cases, fathers. What's your pet peeve?
05:28
The way that men act in public. Well, do you want to be more specific? Oh, yes.
05:36
The way men act in restaurants. The way men tip.
05:47
I used to be a waiter, so I feel this kind of fraternal relationship with waiters and waitresses.
05:54
And so on many, many occasions, as I've had opportunity, I will ask them this question.
06:01
Who are the worst people from your perspective that you have to wait on?
06:09
And over and over and over, they will say the church crowd who shows up on Sunday or Wednesday night.
06:19
Actually, Mike, one time I had a young man that was studying at a Baptist college to prepare for ministry tell me the worst people that he waited on was
06:28
Baptist preachers. And I just, you know, I'm going to be crawling a hole. And I said, why?
06:34
And he said, oh, that's easy. They're rude, demanding, and cheap. Rude, demanding, and cheap.
06:44
And so I have a real issue here. So you say, well, all right, you go into a restaurant, and they don't do a good job.
06:55
What do you do? I'll leave a good tip. I speak kindly to them.
07:01
I try to extend grace to them. I have a question. How many of you in this room have as a life ambition to be a waiter or a waitress?
07:11
Let me see your hand. That's what you want to do for the rest of your life. Of course, none of you do. I saw a little girl's hand went up, but she's not down to try to teach you.
07:20
She's just playing. I do pay attention to you all when I'm preaching, all right? And so, no, that's not your life ambition.
07:28
That's not what you want to do. So maybe they're there because they have to be. Maybe they're there because that was the job they could get.
07:36
Maybe they're like a number of women that I've talked to over the years who are there as single parents because some sorry man has walked out on them.
07:44
So they're there doing the best they can to provide for children who are at home by themselves, by the way, and they're terrified about what they're doing there.
07:51
But they can't afford a babysitter. I had an experience in our first year of marriage like this.
07:57
I went to a restaurant on a Sunday with a family, and the waitress came over. And I'm very chatty. How are you doing today?
08:04
And she said, it's Sunday, isn't it? And I said, oh, I know.
08:12
You have to work on Sunday. And if you didn't have to work on Sunday, you could go to church. And she said, that'd be the last place
08:18
I'd go if I didn't work on Sunday. And I'm now trapped. And so I say to her, well, why would you not want to go to church?
08:27
And she said, why? She says, I'll tell you why. You are the rudest people I wait on all week. And you don't make your children behave.
08:35
And I must confess, at that moment, there were several large cockroach creatures moving about the tables and screaming and yelling and doing things that little kids do.
08:44
And I guess their parents were brain dead or something. I don't know. But they weren't making them behave.
08:50
And she said, and your chief. And she reached into her apron and pulled out a four Gospels track and said, this thing right here won't feed my children.
08:58
Right? She turned and walked away. I was devastated.
09:03
I'm only 21 years old. I mean, I'm just a baby. And I'm like, what did I do? And so I do what you do when you're desperate.
09:10
I prayed. And I said, Lord, help me say something when she comes back. And so she came back a few minutes later.
09:18
And I said, ma 'am, can I say one other thing to you? And she said, sure, go ahead. I asked for it. I said, no, no, no, no, no. I did not wish to fuss at you.
09:25
I said, I want to apologize. I said, I'm so sorry. For all the time Christian people have maybe come in your restaurant and been rude.
09:32
But I want to tell you something. If Jesus came in here, he'd not be rude. And if he had kids, he'd make them behave.
09:41
And I said, if he would be, I promise you, unbelievably gracious and generous in what he would leave on the table.
09:51
And she's not here, but she could tell you as just a matter of testimony, in the 33 years we've been married, not one time, not one time, not one time, not one time, not one time have
10:04
I ever left less than 15 % on the table today because I make more money.
10:10
The kids are gone. You know, kids leaving the nifty nest is really pretty cool. I know some of you are like wigging out and stressing out.
10:18
No, it's glorious. I mean, it's really like a honeymoon again, but this time you've got money.
10:23
I mean, that's what it is. Yeah, I mean, you first get married, you're poor.
10:29
You don't have anything. But now they're gone and you've got money. So it's really nice. You just kind of do what you want to do.
10:35
And you can spend, when you go out and eat, and it costs you $100, it costs, you know, $25 or $30. It's glorious.
10:41
It's wonderful. And so it's not a real issue here. But anyway, because of that,
10:47
I now tip at 25%. It's real easy. You know, it's just whatever a quarter of it is, 25%.
10:53
Now, I'll tell you something. You cannot believe how many doors that's open for me to share the gospel.
11:01
I'm not trying to do this, but I have a reputation. Waitresses and waiters fight to wait on my table because they know that I'm going to leave a very big, generous tip.
11:16
And many times, I'll leave a gospel tract. I'll tell the waiter -waitress, we're going to pray in a moment.
11:22
How can I pray for you? And I have had so many opportunities to share the gospel. And the door is open.
11:29
Why? Because I just extend to them grace and love. Now, I know how some of you men are.
11:35
And by the way, just so that you know there's a reason why I told this story, all four of my sons are just like me.
11:42
They treat waiters and waitresses very respectfully. And they make it very clear to all who know and their own children, we always leave a very generous tip on the table so that it opens the door for us to tell them later about Jesus.
11:57
My son, who just moved to Lebanon, Tennessee as a new pastor, is witnessing to waiters and waiters.
12:02
I mean, he just loves to go out. And when he does, he leaves his card with a big tip.
12:09
Now, if you're going to leave just like your card and no tip or leave a trap and no tip,
12:14
I'm begging you, please don't do that. Or at least tell them that you're a Methodist or something. I'm just kidding if you're a
12:21
Methodist here, OK? I'm just kidding. I don't really mean that. I don't really mean that. I don't really mean that.
12:27
Well, I sort of don't mean it, but I don't. Please don't tell them you're a Baptist. I'm begging you in Jesus' name, don't do that.
12:36
Because you harm the gospel. And I know some of you say, well, if they don't do a good job,
12:41
I ain't going to give them nothing. You know why you think that way? Because you're carnal. You're not godly.
12:50
You see, we have this misconception. We go into a restaurant thinking that we go there to be served.
12:58
That's not true. You go into a restaurant per 2
13:03
Corinthians 5, verse 20 as an ambassador for Jesus Christ.
13:10
So you are actually there to serve them by the way you speak to them, by the way you talk to them and treat them, and by what you leave on the table.
13:22
Yesterday, Eric and I stopped at a restaurant. By the time we left, that lady, I mean, she told us where she went to church.
13:28
See, she asked me, she said, well, you're not from here. Duh, you don't think? OK? I'm not from here.
13:36
And so are you here to party? You going to go out and party tonight? I said, well, actually, I'm going to go tonight and teach at a church about how to have a marriage and a family that honors the
13:45
Lord. And then she starts talking about her church and where she goes. And we went back and forth.
13:51
And when we left, she went out of her way to tell us goodbye. And I promise you this, if in some time in the future,
13:57
I or Eric were to go to that restaurant and have that, she would remember. And she would be open to us having further conversation with her.
14:05
She did a really good job. But whether she did or not, it wouldn't have mattered. It would not have mattered. Because my goal is to open the door to share the gospel.
14:15
My goal is to love her in Jesus' name. Now, I'm telling you men, your children watch you.
14:23
They watch you like little hawks. And don't be surprised when they get big if they act in exactly the same way as they see their daddy.
14:36
A dear friend of mine named Harold Olchester was a pastor for 40 years at a church in Austin, Texas. A wonderful husband, wonderful father.
14:45
And he created a list of what he called ways to say I love you for dads. Don't try to write these down.
14:50
You can listen to them later. But just some very simple, practical things here that communicate that you love these kids.
14:57
Number one, begin each day by hugging your wife and each child and telling them you love them.
15:04
Two, plan a special night for just you and your wife. It is good for your children to see that you love their mother like a whole lot.
15:13
Number three, plan at least one time per month when you can be alone with each child individually. That helps them feel that you consider them special.
15:22
Number four, plan special family trips and activities in advance so that the family has something to look forward to and anticipate.
15:30
Number five, surprise the family. Cancel a morning, an afternoon, or even a whole day at work just to be with them.
15:37
Number six, if you have a daughter, take her shopping. Take your son to a ball game. Take them fishing.
15:44
Just spend time with them. I'll talk about that a lot in the morning. Number seven, pick a day and let each child go to work with you.
15:50
Number eight, take one of your children with you on one of your next business trips. Number nine, take one of your children to special athletic events or shows.
15:57
Number ten, lead your family in prayer at mealtime. Number eleven, read the Bible to your family.
16:03
Number twelve, tell each child what your dreams are for him or her. I always told my sons growing up,
16:10
I believe you're going to grow up and do something great for God. I do. I don't know what it'll be.
16:15
Maybe you'll be a lawyer. Maybe you'll be a doctor. Maybe you'll be a trash man. Maybe you'll be a football coach.
16:20
I never, by the way, I never, I never, I never told them I wanted to grow up to go in the ministry. I never did. That was a wonderful surprise to me with each four of them, who, by the way, informed me after the fact that that's what they were going to do.
16:34
In fact, I still remember very clearly when my youngest came to me, he's only 22 at the time, and he says,
16:40
Anna and I, his new bride of less than a year, we're going to go to Turkey for two years as missionaries.
16:47
Really? Yeah. Hmm. Do you like to think that we ought to talk about this any before you made that decision?
16:57
Nope. You told us all of our lives that we could just do anything we wanted to as long as we love
17:05
Jesus, and this is what we want to do. Okay? I mean, what do you say?
17:11
If that's what you taught them to do, love Jesus and do what you want, well, if that's what they want to do, and it was wonderful.
17:18
I praise God for that. And so just in that kind of a way of letting them know, you believe they're going to do something great for the
17:25
Lord. Many times the words of parents become self -fulfilling prophecies in the lives of their children.
17:34
So what are you telling your children you think the future holds for them? Number 13, tell each child how much you love him or her and how very special she or he is.
17:44
Specifically mention what you like about that child.
17:50
That will bless them. Number 14, let your children see your tender feelings.
17:55
I wasn't good at this early in my life. I grew up with a dad that I never saw cry.
18:03
I had a granddaddy that only cried once on the phone, but it stayed with me.
18:09
My granddaddy was a farmer. And one time I was at the farm, and there was a horse that was backing its big tail up against the fence to push it over.
18:22
I didn't realize horses had that much sense, but it backed its big tail up and was pushing the fence over so it could get out because it was convinced that there was greener grass on the other side.
18:31
And my granddaddy, who suffered severely from rheumatoid arthritis, hobbled over and kicked him and said, and he used a very colorful three -letter word, get your off my fence.
18:43
And so as a little seven -year -old, six -year -old, I'm like, wow, that sounds like a pretty cool word. So a few days later,
18:52
I used this very colorful word in the presence of my mother only to immediately have my head stuck in a sink with a bar of soap going up into my mouth.
19:03
And I'm like totally traumatized, not only because the soap is horrific, but I just said what my granddaddy said.
19:10
And so finally when she gets the soap out and the washcloth out, and I finally stopped crying uncontrollably, of course, she didn't even ask at first.
19:20
It might have saved me this traumatic experience. But after I had been severely beaten and traumatized and abused, she should have gone to jail for what she did to me.
19:29
But anyway, she said, where did you hear that word? And I said, well, my granddaddy said it.
19:37
Well, she's on the phone. And my mother was this very sweet, gentile, five -foot -four lady.
19:45
She is, and I've never heard her speak, but this one time in my whole life, like this to her daddy, she is wearing him out.
19:53
Next thing I know is she looks at me and says, your granddaddy wants to talk to you. And I'm like, oh, this is great.
20:00
So I get on the phone, and my granddaddy, who was a very stern, lived through the
20:06
Depression kind of individual, who I never saw cry, I have no memory of him laughing.
20:13
I just don't. They get on the phone, and I could tell by the tremor in his voice that he was weeping, he said,
20:20
I want to tell you something. Your granddaddy is sorry for what you heard him say.
20:27
I should not have said that, and I'll never forget it. He said, I would rather die than do something that would hurt you, and I need to ask you to forgive me.
20:39
Now, at the time, as a little boy, granddaddy, don't worry about it. I forgive you. I don't forgive mother, but I do forgive you.
20:50
But now, I want to tell you that he would humble himself and do something like that.
20:57
It's just, it's utterly amazing to me that he would love me in that kind of a way. So even though he was this very stern individual, he let his feelings down at least at that point.
21:08
And over the years, maybe it's living life, I don't know, but I have developed a more tender side, and I realize there's nothing wrong with my sons seeing me weep.
21:20
There's nothing wrong with them hearing a quiver in my voice, especially if it's over things that really matter.
21:26
I was talking to Micah a moment ago about our seminary, and he said, well, tell me how things are going.
21:31
I said, things are wonderful. I get to play for Jesus, and they pay me for it. I mean, I just have this great, wonderful job.
21:38
And I said, Southeastern aspires to be known as a great commissioned seminary. That's our moniker.
21:44
That's our motto, every classroom, a great commissioned classroom. I said, I tell my students who come to Southeastern, don't you pray,
21:51
Lord, should I go to the nations? You need to pray, Lord, why should I stay here? Why should
21:58
I stay here? See, I had a son that did serve for two years in Turkey.
22:05
There's 78 million Turks and Kurds who live in Turkey. The best case scenario, there are less than 5 ,000 evangelical believers in Turkey.
22:17
North Carolina, where I live, has 4 ,000 Southern Baptist churches. 4 ,000 churches.
22:25
There are 6 ,800 unreached people groups in the world today who've never heard even one time the name of Jesus.
22:31
That adds up to 1 .6 billion people. And they will go to hell if they die without Jesus.
22:40
And just a couple years ago, I was on the mission field in Thailand speaking to a bunch of missionaries.
22:48
And one night, we decided to take a small group of them that we were really close to, to a local restaurant, to get away from the hotel where we'd been eating all week at our conference.
22:57
And as we were going down a main road like this for about four miles, we turned left to go over to the restaurant.
23:05
And suddenly, on both sides of the road, I saw something I was totally unprepared for because for about a half a mile, at least a half a mile, on both sides of the road,
23:14
I saw 12, 13, 14, 15, and 16 -year -old prostitutes. They had been kidnapped.
23:22
They had been sold by their parents. Some of them had been deceived.
23:28
Their parents, poor, living out in the villages, were told, look, your daughter, let us have her.
23:34
We'll take her to the city. We'll get her in a school. She'll get educated. She can buy you out of this poverty that your family has lived in for generations.
23:43
And so they naively give them their daughters. They never see them again. I want to tell you what, I think about that every morning.
23:50
This morning, it popped into my mind first thing. I'm haunted by that scene.
23:59
And I ask the question, who's going to do something about this? Who's going to do something about this?
24:05
Are Buddhists or Hindus? No. Even Muslims and Jews don't think it's right.
24:11
They don't have a worldview that's going to cause them to be proactive in trying to do something about this.
24:18
No, there's only one worldview in the world, really, that has a motivation and a rationale for doing something about it, and it's you and me.
24:27
But will we? See, I did share with Mike that I did some research last year because I was on a committee that was studying how southern badness could be more effective in fulfilling the
24:38
Great Commission, and we discovered that for every dollar placed in a southern badness offering plate, 97 .25
24:47
cents on the dollar never leaves the borders of America. We send 2 .75
24:54
cents to reach the nations with the gospel, and we keep 97 cents here on ourselves.
25:03
Now that should bother you. It bothers me. It breaks my heart. And my sons know that it breaks my heart.
25:10
My students know that it breaks my heart. And so there's nothing wrong with folks saying that you can be a man's man.
25:18
Jesus was a man's man. Jesus was not some sissy girly guy in a long dress with hippie hair.
25:26
That is not who he was. He was a carpenter. He was a blue -collar worker who had a belt around his waist for hammers and things.
25:40
He was not a sissy. He kicked the tail of the religious folks in the temple, but he wept over Jerusalem.
25:50
He wept over the death of Lazarus. Children felt like they could just crawl up into his lap.
25:56
So you can be a man of steel on the one hand, and at the same time be a man of great compassion, a man of tenderness on the other.
26:05
That's what it really means to be a man of God. And your kids are well served to see that you do have a tender side.
26:13
Well, I need to move on. Number 15 of his list of 20. Demonstrate an interest in your children's schoolwork, musical interest, etc.
26:21
Ask them to tell you about it, and then listen, listen, listen. Number 16.
26:28
Read some good books on parenting and parent -child relationships. Hey, you all do number 17.
26:34
Attend a seminar or workshop on parenting. Number 18. Write each child a love letter and mail it to them.
26:43
Pretty good idea. Number 19. Apologize to your wife and children for your mistakes and shortcomings as a husband and a father.
26:51
Tell them what you plan to do to be different. And then number 20. End each day by hugging your wife, your children, and telling them that you love them.
27:03
Pretty good ideas from a pretty good man of God. All right, pick up the pace. Number 6.
27:09
Your kids need a daddy who loves mom and shows it. They need a daddy who loves mom and shows it.
27:15
We talked about this at great length last night, so I won't spend a whole lot of time on that.
27:21
Just simply say that one of the great gifts you can give your kids is loving well their mother so that they have this sense of security that the two of you are going to be there for them for life.
27:32
Number 7. They need a daddy who disciplines in love. They need a daddy who disciplines in love.
27:39
I'm going to say more about that in the morning, but let me just say this now. It does build a strong relationship.
27:45
It also prepares your children for future responsibilities and relationships. And guys, ultimately, correction belongs to the father, not the mother.
27:55
Not that mothers don't get involved in discipline. They do. But ultimately, you're the disciplinarian.
28:00
Ultimately, you're the one who corrects them. It is your responsibility to take that lead in providing discipline.
28:08
And when I say discipline, don't just think in terms of, well, you mean I'm the one that's supposed to spank them. You're the one that is to disciple them.
28:14
The word discipline contains the word disciple, and so you're the one that is called by God to guide them and instruct them, and yes, when necessary, to get involved in that kind of up -close -and -personal kind of a way.
28:26
I told my boys that I loved them too much to let them make idiots of themselves.
28:32
And so I said, you know, bottom line, if I had to, I will knock you flat on your butt in Jesus' name.
28:40
And they knew that I would. In fact, I would say to them at playful occasions, if I need to,
28:46
I will chain you to your bed until the day you die. I will throw you some bread and water to keep you alive, but I will leave you in there.
28:54
And I love you that much. I care about you that much. I'm not going to just let you go. Now, gosh,
29:00
I could spend so much time here too, but it's worth the segue. This will be in the next session, but I'm going to throw it in now. When God gives you children, even if you adopt, and I do love the fact that the younger generation is into adoption big time, so I am grateful for that.
29:17
In fact, our new president of the North American Mission Board, his name is Kevin Ezell.
29:23
Kevin was a pastor in Louisville. He was my pastor for eight years. He has six children, three biological, three adopted, one from China, one from Ethiopia, and one from the
29:34
Philippines. When they asked him as he was being interviewed for the North American Mission Board, how do you handle conflict, he says,
29:41
I deal with international incidences every day. So I'm really well prepared. I am really well prepared.
29:48
And so Kevin is just masterful in this way. But here's my point.
29:53
Whether you adopt or whether they're biological, you get what
30:00
God gives you. You don't really have a vote. You get what
30:08
God gives you. And here's the deal. All kids can basically, for that matter, mates.
30:14
I could go off on that one. I'm going to leave that one alone for right now. But all kids can basically be pigeonholed into one of three categories.
30:21
Low maintenance, medium maintenance, high maintenance. Okay? We're all on the same page here.
30:29
God may give you a low maintenance child. He may give you a medium maintenance child.
30:35
And He may give you a high maintenance child. Now, for whatever reason, in His amazing goodness and grace,
30:42
God gave us low maintenance children. They were. Well, when they first came to the world, they weren't.
30:50
The twins were demonic. They had demons that needed to be exorcised out of them.
30:56
They did not sleep. I do understand now why some animals eat their young.
31:01
I absolutely understand that. I mean, sleep deprivation will make you think of things that you'd never do in your right mind.
31:07
And so I understand. But after they got through that, the adolescent years were good. The teenage years were good.
31:13
They were just good. So we had low maintenance kids, which basically meant, for the most part, we pointed them in the right direction, and they went.
31:21
Oh, praise God. But some of you have not been so blessed. And you have children that are more in the medium maintenance category, which means a little bit more up -close and personal attention, a little bit more time investment.
31:33
But let me just go ahead and jump. Some of you have received a blessing from God that is in the high maintenance category.
31:41
They came out of the womb with their fist up. And they basically came in with their chin out saying,
31:47
Go ahead and take your best shot. I'm coming back again. And that's what you have. That's what you have.
31:53
Now, here's the deal. If you have a child on that level, what are you going to do?
31:59
What are you going to do? Are you going to punt? Are you going to throw in the towel?
32:05
Are you going to just walk away, or are you going to say, Well, you know, hey, this is what God gave me, and so we'll do what we have to do.
32:15
In other words, it may mean you saying no to some things, because you've got to say yes to more time, more investment, more up -close and personal attention with that child.
32:28
When the boys were little, I forget which one it was, but there was one of them one day that just decided it was time to push the envelope.
32:35
So I spanked him, sent him to his room. Came back out, threw himself on the floor. Man, I mean, he wasn't there a half a second.
32:42
Up, boom, back in the room. I don't know, must have been again, brain must not have been functioning well at that moment.
32:49
Here he comes again. I just meet him in the hallway. I said, You ready again? He looked at me.
32:55
I said, Listen, here's the deal. You're not going to win. I will stay here all day, and I will bust your tail all day.
33:06
I mean, we're not talking about just five. I mean, 10, 20, you want 100 spankings a day?
33:11
Hey, I'm your dad. And I was serious, by the way. I wasn't bluffing. See, that's one of the things parents cannot do in discipline.
33:19
You cannot bluff. You cannot say you're going to do something and then not do it, because then you're a liar.
33:26
And they know you don't mean it. And then sometimes, by the way, you get mad, and you drop the hammer early, and then they're confused, because they're like,
33:33
Well, wait a minute. She always gives me like nine warnings, and why do I get whacked on number five?
33:39
Well, because you got frustrated. So I was sharing a minute ago with one of the brothers. I said, With my kids, and I'll talk about this again a little bit more tomorrow, but here's the deal.
33:48
I just give them one warning. And I draw the lines where I think the lines need to be drawn, and I just say,
33:54
Now, I'm not going to tell you again. Next time, there will be no words. There will just be action. So with this one,
34:00
I just said, You know, here's the deal. Throw yourself down again. It's going to happen again. Throw yourself down again. It's going to happen. Throw yourself down again.
34:05
It's going to happen. And it will happen all day long. So he finally said, Well, I won't do that anymore.
34:10
I said, Well, then you're not going to put yourself down on the floor now like an idiot anymore. Okay. We're good to go. But here's my point.
34:17
He knew. He absolutely knew. He said, He's not bluffing. He will bust my backside all day long.
34:24
He will take me back to that bedroom like this all, and I would have, because I love them. And so if you have a child that goes into that high maintenance category, then you just have to make the determination that you will spend whatever time you have to spend with them to get their attention.
34:42
Now, let me say this, because I don't want you to misunderstand me. I'm not saying that means you always have to spank them. One of the things
34:48
I learned as a father of four is that different things work differently with different children.
34:55
Okay. In fact, let me say it to you this way. Out of a biblical conviction, I loved all my children the same.
35:04
I treated them all equally, but I did not treat them the same. Treated them equally, but not the same.
35:13
You say, What do you mean by that? Well, my twins were typical firstborn pleasers.
35:20
They just came into the world that way. They're still that way, 30 years old, and they want to please their dad.
35:25
They don't want me to be upset with them. They don't want me to be mad at them. I mean, they'll get weepy if I say,
35:31
You just disappointed me. I mean, they'd rather die than hear that. They would just rather die than hear that.
35:37
In fact, our twins never touched alcohol until they went to college.
35:45
And they had a spring break trip with a bunch of guys, and they let down their convictional guard, and they indulged in the drinking of alcohol on a spring break trip to Florida.
35:58
So how do you know? Well, because sin makes you stupid. They took pictures. They're just idiots.
36:04
I mean, good Lord. If I'm going to do that and I ain't taking pictures, I'm just not.
36:11
So anyway, they take pictures. Not only that, they come back home to our house before they go back to the University of Kentucky, and they leave the camera at the house.
36:19
Well, my wife's walking through the house, sees their camera, and being the sweet, loving, generous, and that's how she is.
36:25
Oh, my God. I'll just get their pictures developed for them.
36:31
So she develops their pictures, and you need to understand, too, and I'll show this in the morning as well, my wife came out of a children's home as a result of being born into an alcoholic home.
36:43
So she understands this world, like, really well. So she's getting the pictures flipping through, and she not only sees the alcohol,
36:51
I mean, I don't know this stuff. She knows the brand. She knows the proof, all that kind of stuff.
36:56
So anyway, they come home for a weekend because they come home to have Mama wash their clothes and me give them money and eat my food, which is what college kids do.
37:06
They're like giant cockroaches. So they come back, and so their mother says,
37:12
Hey, I got your pictures developed. Well, the moment she said that, they knew. Oh, oh, oh, oh, no.
37:19
And so they just kind of look at her, and she says, I found some really interesting pictures here.
37:25
And she says, Please tell me that this is you taking this bottle of GM bean to the toilet to pour it out because your friends are being stupid.
37:36
And one of them, Jonathan, I think, said, No, that's mine.
37:43
Does Daddy know? And she said, Yeah, he knows. And he'll be home in a little while.
37:51
So I come home, and I just go downstairs to my study where I was working on something. And about 10 minutes later, here they come.
37:59
And so they say, You saw the pictures? And I said, Yeah. And here's what
38:04
I did. Now, this is mean. Oh, it's so mean. But it worked so well.
38:10
I said, I need to apologize to both of you.
38:16
He said, Why? I said, No, I need to apologize to you. Because obviously,
38:22
I failed. I failed you as a dad, and I'm sorry. I thought
38:28
I taught you better. I thought I prepared you better. I thought that you understood, having seen what your mother went through and her family life is today,
38:39
I just thought I had done a better job. And I'm sorry. And I just need to ask you guys to forgive me.
38:46
Well, they just start bawling. They're like, No, no, no, no. You did a good job. I said,
38:51
Well, I guess I didn't. No, no, you did. You did. And so then they are like,
38:57
Well, I guess you don't trust us anymore. I said, Well, it's been harmed. It's been wounded. I said,
39:02
No, it can be restored. But no, it's been affected. Now, I didn't spank them.
39:08
Of course, why would you spank a 20 -year -old unless you're just getting crazy about it? No, this was far more effective.
39:14
They would have liked me to beat them. They would have said, Oh, yeah, beat us. Beat us right now. No, no, no, we're not going to beat you.
39:20
This is going to be pain that will be experienced over time. This is going to be discipline that will be experienced over time.
39:27
So, again, one of the things, just like I said last night, that you have to become a student of your wife, guys, and mothers, but, guys, you need to study your children.
39:37
And you'll discover what works with one. The twins, first -born pleasers. Paul, my middle son, who tells you nothing other than what you ask him, and even then, he is so precise.
39:48
I mean, you have to develop the quick... Paul, how did school go today? Fine. What did you do?
39:54
Nothing. Nothing. Well, let's try it back up. First period. Who's your teacher?
40:00
Miss Wilson. Okay. What's the subject? Sociology. Okay. You're just going to make me do this, aren't you?
40:08
And he just doesn't tell you anything. His favorite phrase throughout all of his life, until he became a young adult, was,
40:15
I don't know. He would not want to commit to anything. You think that's a pretty lady? I don't know. I don't know.
40:23
I don't know. I mean, I don't know. He was not going to commit to anything. Then Timothy shows up, the youngest, who came into the world with the best stuff.
40:30
He's this skinny, 6 '1", 140 pound beanpole, who, by the way, played in high school against some guy named
40:37
Rajon Rondeau. And he actually held his own. Timothy is a very quick point guard.
40:44
Not as good as Rondeau, of course, but did really well. Held his own with him. But he's this very intense stick person that is so responsible that when he's 18 years old and graduating from high school, we're on a mission trip to Paraguay for two weeks.
41:04
Two of the boys are on mission trips. The other one's doing basketball camp. We had this beautiful Great Dane dog named
41:09
Samantha that somebody had to watch. And so for two weeks, he stays at home by himself taking care of the house and the
41:16
Great Dane dog. He's 18 years old. You say, you let an 18 -year -old home by himself for two weeks?
41:23
Yeah. And what happened? Nothing. I mean, he's five years old and he's more responsible than the rest of the boys.
41:30
I mean, he's just who he is. But he's very intense. And he's the one you have to get really in his face and have those kind of conversations.
41:38
So I'm like, why isn't he like the twins? You know, I tell them something, they want to cry. I tell them something, he says, big deal.
41:44
Puts his hands on his hips like, you want to dance with me? You know, come on. I'm like, what's wrong with you?
41:50
Well, he just has a different disposition and a different personality. And so, one of the ways you discipline well is by knowing them well.
42:00
And it takes work. It takes investment, alright? Number eight. You love your children well by having a servant spirit.
42:08
I said this earlier, but I emphasize it again. You love them well by having a servant spirit.
42:14
You say, what will be the benefits, Danny? It'll build a family attitude of humility and a willingness to serve others like they see
42:22
Dad serving them. I came across a little article entitled,
42:29
The Attitudes of a Godly Man. It fits so well here. Blessed is the man who puts
42:34
God's business above all other business. Blessed is the man who brings his family to church rather than sending them.
42:41
Blessed is the man who gives to God cheerfully rather than withholding selfishly. Blessed is the man who has a passion to help rather than to be helped.
42:50
Blessed is the man who can see his own fault before he sees the faults of others. Blessed is the man who, when wrong, can say,
42:58
I'm sorry. Blessed is the man who is willing and desirous to be a right example to everyone he meets.
43:06
Blessed is the man who considers success in God's eyes more valuable than success in the world's eyes.
43:13
Blessed is the man who is most concerned about winning souls for Christ, beginning with his own family.
43:19
And blessed is the man to whom God can say, well done, my good and faithful servant.
43:27
You bless your child by having a servant spirit. Number nine. You bless your child when you confess your failures and you are willing to say,
43:35
I'm sorry, I was wrong. You bless your kids by your willingness to say, I'm sorry,
43:41
I was wrong. It will create openness and respect by the children toward Daddy.
43:47
They will not think less of you when you apologize. They will think more of you when you do so.
43:54
Number ten. Kids need a dad who has a forgiving spirit. That's the flip side.
44:01
You have a forgiving spirit. It creates security of genuine love and needed assurance that your children long for.
44:08
Now, folks, keep this in mind. Paul tells us in Ephesians 4, verse 32, that the foundation for which we forgive is how we have been forgiven.
44:16
You are to forgive others as God in Christ has forgiven you. You will never forgive anybody as much as God in Christ has already forgiven you.
44:26
And so you need to be able to extend forgiveness. When my child broke my heart, my mate did...
44:32
I understand. We live in a fallen, broken, fractured, hurting world.
44:39
We do. And forgiveness is not always easy to extend, but it's essential that you extend it.
44:44
If you don't, if you don't develop a disposition and an attitude of forgiveness, you will develop a root of bitterness.
44:53
And here's what's so tragic about that. It doesn't affect the other person that you're mad at. It just affects you.
45:01
They don't even know that. I had a friend, I guess he's a friend, that called me a few years ago who told me that he had been mad at me for ten years.
45:11
I didn't know. It wasn't bothering me, but it was eating him up.
45:16
And I had said something in a context that I didn't even mention. I didn't really even have him particularly in mind, but he took it that way.
45:24
And I said, you know, you should have called me before now. He said, well, yeah, I have, because I've been mad at you for ten years. Well, just imagine that.
45:32
Mad for ten years, just eating away at you. And so you've got to learn to forgive and avoid that root of bitterness.
45:39
Number 11. Your kids need a dad who expresses gratitude and appreciation to God and others.
45:46
You express gratitude and appreciation to God for others. Thank you ought to be words that are always on your lips.
45:56
It will help your kids begin to be thankful for the things that they have as well. I love what Colossians 3, 15 says.
46:02
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts to which indeed you were called in one body and be thankful.
46:10
Number 12. Your kids need a dad who listens attentively. Who listens attentively.
46:16
Here, again, your family gains a sense of personal value and of importance. The Bible tells us to be what?
46:24
Swift to hear and slow to speak. The old black preacher said, isn't it just like God to give us two ears and one tongue?
46:33
Which means we probably ought to listen twice as much as we talk. Now that's not my natural inclination.
46:40
And so I have to work at that. And I had to work at it as a dad. In fact, my kids, I don't know, I think
46:45
I may sometimes have some type of shallow form of epilepsy because I just sometimes kind of just fade out.
46:52
I just kind of go in, they called it the zone. Dad's in the zone. Which means
46:57
I wasn't paying attention to their mother, I wasn't paying attention to them, and they were making fun of me.
47:03
Not only, not just behind my back, in front of my face, but since I was in the zone, I didn't know it.
47:10
And then Charlotte would hit me and that tended to knock me out of the zone and she would say, what's wrong with you? And so, you know, but I'm like,
47:17
I'm saving the world. And my mind is going, you know, and they're talking about stuff that for whatever reason
47:23
I just didn't think was all that interesting. I remember one time with Timothy, my youngest, being in the van with me.
47:28
We'd taken Charlotte to pick up something and I convinced her to let me stay in the car, which was, praise God, that I can't stand to go shopping.
47:34
So I'm in the car with him. I lied. I said, I'll spend some time with him. And so she bought into that, although she probably knew better.
47:40
She goes in, we're there, and of course he starts talking and he starts telling me about some movie that he had seen.
47:47
Well, probably 15 seconds into it, I mean, I'm in the zone. I just zone out and I mean,
47:53
I don't have a clue. I mean, I hear this, but I've learned. You know, you do like the dad thing, uh -huh.
47:59
Uh -huh. Yeah, that's good. Uh -huh. Uh -huh. Uh -huh.
48:05
And, you know, finally, I come back out of the zone and just in time for him to say,
48:10
Daddy, thank you for listening to me tell you about that movie. I really enjoyed it, but thank you for letting me tell you.
48:16
And I'm just telling you, God could have daggered my heart. Because if he had said now, Daddy, just tell me like two things you just heard me say in the last two minutes,
48:25
I could have said anything because I had not heard a word. And so I said, Timothy, you know what?
48:32
I didn't really listen as well a moment ago as I should have. Would you tell it to me one more time?
48:37
And, oh, sure, Dad. And this time, I'm telling you, I am forcing myself to not go into this. I mean, I am locked in, eyes, ears, because it mattered to him that I would just take the time to listen.
48:49
And I'm telling you, so many parents, in fact, I'll share a statistic later in the next session. I don't need to give all my stuff away in this one.
48:54
It just shows you how much we don't listen and where they do get attention from. So you love them by giving them your attention.
49:03
All right, three more very quickly and we'll take our break. You bless your kids by being a daddy who keeps his word.
49:11
By being a daddy who keeps his word, it will build faithfulness, it will build truthfulness, and it will also, again, engender responsibility in your children.
49:23
Numbers 30, verse 2, says this. If a man makes a vow to the Lord or takes an oath to bind himself with a binding obligation, he shall not violate his word.
49:34
He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.
49:41
I had a good dad. He was an affectionate dad. He was your typical post -World
49:48
War II, I show up for work every day, I provide for the family, but, you know, no hugs and kisses and not a whole lot of affection.
49:56
But I'm okay with it. I really am. I'm okay with it. But there's one thing that I remember that he did not do one time that, even to this day, still has a sting in my soul.
50:07
When I was a third grader, I believe, I'd never been to, back then,
50:12
Atlanta Stadium. I'd never been to where the Braves played baseball and the Falcons played football.
50:19
And there was this thing every year called the Milk Bowl, which was a high school football game between, you know, two, it was a playoff game, and they would allow the
50:29
Milk Bowl to be played in Atlanta Stadium. And somehow I had talked my dad into taking me to that football game, and so I was waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting, and I want to be fair here, for whatever reason, it got in his province, allowed it to rain that Friday night, and so my daddy said, we're not going to the game.
50:58
And I remember saying, you promised, and he said, I don't care what I said, we're not going to the game, now shut up, and my dad would use that word, which you should never use that word with your children, it's actually two words, but shut up, and don't bring it up again.
51:12
And I was crushed. I still am wounded by it, because he told me we would do it, and then we didn't.
51:20
And he didn't even give me a reason why. And so, if you tell your kids, you're going to do something,
51:25
I'll give you an example, in my own life, when I was in my first church, second church, my boys turned five, and they were about to have their first t -ball game.
51:34
Now you need to understand something, I hate t -ball. It is an impure sport, it is bedlam, and they don't keep scores, everybody wins.
51:44
No everybody doesn't win, it's just everybody wins. Ask Tennessee volunteer basketball coach who won last night,
51:51
I mean, they got beat by 30 something by Michigan, I mean, don't tell me everybody, and Georgia lost to Washington, don't tell me everybody wins.
51:57
You come back and play again tomorrow, no you don't, you get to go home. Alright, so. But they're going to play t -ball, and they're my boys, and so I'm getting ready for their first t -ball game of their lives, and I get a call from the chairman of the
52:09
Deacons. And I was not the pastor, I was the associate pastor at this time, and the chairman of the Deacons called me and said, Danny, look, our pastor,
52:16
David Allen, has got something to come up, he can't be at the Deacons meeting tonight, and we need somebody from the staff to be there, so we need you to come to the
52:25
Deacons meeting. So I said, oh man. So I said, well David, his name is David Witter, wonderful man.
52:32
I said, can I ask you a question? He said, sure. I said, are y 'all going to like, you know, sell the property or fire the staff tonight at the
52:40
Deacons meeting? Is anything like that on the agenda? And he laughed, he said, no. Why would you ask a question like that?
52:47
I said, well because, here's the deal. My boys have their t -ball game, their first t -ball game they've ever played in their lives.
52:53
And I told them I'd be there. Now, if you tell me it's absolutely necessary for me to tell my boys that I can't come,
53:00
I will do that and I'll tell them why. But just to be honest with you, I don't want to come to the
53:05
Deacons meeting. In fact, I don't care to ever go to any Deacons meetings to be honest with you, but you know, maybe there's some good ones somewhere,
53:12
I just haven't been to them. And so, I don't want to come to the Deacons meeting, I want to go watch the boys play t -ball, but I'll do what you ask me to do and he,
53:21
God will answer, look, we can have our meeting just fine without you. You go to your boys' t -ball game.
53:28
Now, I know some ministers who would have immediately said, hey, guys, sorry guys, hey, duty calls,
53:34
Deacons, you know, sitting around the table talking about what color toilet paper we're going to buy and you know, really important, you know, earth -shaking, spiritual things and I need to go to that.
53:43
Well, I'm sorry. In fact, at that same church, I told the guys if we had
53:48
Monday night Deacons meetings at 9 o 'clock, I was leaving. And what they did afterward was 9 o 'clock, can we start at 6 .30?
53:57
I mean, good night, that's two and a half hours. I mean, it's the only way I'm going to go home and watch Monday night football with my boys.
54:03
That's exactly why I'm leaving. So, you all want to stay until 9 .30, 10 o 'clock, God bless you, but I'm leaving.
54:09
I'm not staying. And I'll tell you something. You say, well, that made them think that you were a jerk. No, it actually made them think that I really cared about my family and it began to influence the way some of them treated their kids.
54:21
And see, I've watched a lot of men not treat their kids well. And so, I just made it clear up front, I'm not going to sacrifice my children on the altar of anything, including a ministry that probably
54:32
God didn't give me, but I created as an idol because I have to have the approval and meet the expectations of other people.
54:39
Well, I actually don't have to have your approval. I don't have to meet your expectations. I have to meet Jesus's expectations.
54:46
That, by the way, frees you up a lot, not to become a jerk, but just to reorient and reprioritize what really matters in your life.
54:55
And so, keep your word. All right, number 14, your children need a daddy who prays for and with them.
55:04
A daddy who prays for and with them. You say, why?
55:09
Because it will to trust and depend upon God to meet their needs.
55:15
When they see daddy saying, you know what? We need to trust the Lord. When they see daddy saying, if God doesn't come through, we won't make it.
55:23
That's okay. That's okay. Because it will breed in them a trust in that same
55:30
Lord Jesus that they see in the life of their daddy. Then finally, we'll take our last break.
55:35
They need a daddy who is spirit -filled and who is seeking to be conformed to the image of Jesus.
55:41
They need a daddy who is spirit -filled and who is seeking to be conformed to the image of Jesus.
55:49
James Dobson said this, and I quote, all over this country, little children are reaching for fathers who aren't there.
55:58
I want to evangelize as many people as possible, but my number one job is to evangelize my children.