How To Build A Household Of Faith - [Psalm 127]

Okay, what we're going to do is finish up the Deuteronomy 6 study in this second session. In our final session, I'm going to bring together the study of Psalm 127 and 128, which actually works quite well because they are companion psalms that have much overlap in terms of the themes that they are addressing.

So that's how we will proceed. So I've shared with you so far from Deuteronomy chapter 6 that the Bible says that we are taught, men in particular, to teach our children to obey God, to love God, and to know God.

And then what I've tried to do in looking at these practical things is they've got to watch you, Dad, obey God. And they've got to watch you, as a dad, love God. And they've got to see a dad who takes seriously the command to know God.

And then in knowing Him, in loving Him, and obeying Him, then you live out certain kinds of principles and certain kinds of convictions that are just absolutely non-negotiable in your particular life.

And so in this second session, I'm going to share about 10, 11 more of those with you that you can build on the previous ones that we've seen. So the fifth thing that a child needs to see in a dad is one who loves unconditionally.

Unconditional Love and 1 Corinthians 13

One who loves unconditionally. You say, why? Because it will build acceptance and a sense of self-worth in that child. In other words, it's not that you love all that they do. There'll be times when you have to say to your child, what you're doing I cannot approve of, what you're doing I don't like, what you're doing I think is wrong, what you're doing I'm not going to put up with.

But you never deny to them the fact that you love them and that you see in them someone valuable and who has a sense of worth. Of course, the classic text that deals with love is 1 Corinthians chapter 13, and in particular verses 4 through the first part of verse 8 help us understand what this kind of love looks like both in a marriage relationship, but also in a parent-child relationship.

In fact, I've had the honor so far of marrying three of my sons, and hopefully we'll get the chance to do it for the fourth as well. It's pretty cool to be standing up here watching your son with his bride-to-be, who's going to be your daughter-in-law, and the three brothers standing there as groomsmen.

The only negative, ladies, is that your wife is sitting there by herself because there's no one there to sit with her since they're all a part of the wedding ceremony. But in each of those wedding ceremonies, I read 1 Corinthians chapter 13.

Now, I know 1 Corinthians 13 is in the context of a discussion of spiritual gifts. I know that. But I also know that Paul is telling the Corinthians that love is essential to the health of the body-life of the church.

I don't think Paul would disagree that it is also essential to the health of the body-life of a marriage and also of a family. And so what do children need to see day in and day out in the life of a dad who takes seriously the call to obey, love, and know God?

Well, here's what 1 Corinthians 13, verse 4 says. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not jealous. Love does not brag and is not arrogant. It does not act unbecomingly. It does not seek its own. It is not provoked.

It does not take into account a wrong suffered. It does not rejoice in unrighteousness. It rejoices with the truth. It bears all things. It believes all things. It hopes all things. It endures all things.

Love never fails. And then the end of the chapter says, but now abide faith, hope, and love, these three. But the greatest of these is love. Why? Because faith eventually gives way to sight. Hope eventually becomes reality.

And interestingly, the Bible never says God is faith. The Bible never says God is hope. But twice in 1 John, chapter 4, the Bible says God is love. It's the very nature and character of God to love. And therefore, if that is His nature and character, those of us who have been born again, those of us who have been regenerated, who now have a relationship with this God, it will be the natural, supernatural outflow of our lives to love our children as well as our mate and other.

By the way, if you look at that text very carefully, all of those terms are verbs. Love is an action word. It's not an abstract idea. And secondly, they're all in the present tense, which means this is to be the pattern or the habit of your life.

In other words, do you love your mate and your children and others perfectly? No, you can't. But you do love consistently. It is the pattern of your life. It is the normal way in which you conduct yourselves.

One of the ones that really stands out there for me, the King James says love is not rude. Here it says love does not act unbecomingly. I have a real pet peeve in this area with many men and that therefore means in most cases, fathers.

So what's your pet peeve? The way that men act in public. Well, do you want to be more specific? Oh, yes. The way men act in restaurants, the way men tip. I used to be a waiter. So I feel this kind of fraternal relationship with waiters and waitresses, and so on many, many occasions as I've had opportunity, I will ask them this question.

Who are the worst people from your perspective that you have to wait on and over and over and over, they will say the church crowd who shows up on Sunday or Wednesday night. Actually, Mike, one time I had a young man that was studying at a Baptist college to prepare for ministry tell me the worst people that he waited on was Baptist preachers.

And I just I just, you know, I'm going to crawl in a hole and I said, why? And he said, oh, that's easy. They're rude, demanding and cheap, rude, demanding and cheap. And so I have a real issue here. So you say, well, all right, you don't do a restaurant and they don't do a good job.

What do you do? I leave a good tip. I speak kindly to them. I try to extend grace to them. I have a question. How many of you in this room have as a life ambition to be a waiter or a waitress? Let me see your hand.

That's what you want to do for the rest of your life. Of course, none of you do. I saw a little girl's hand went up, but she's not done the trick. She's just playing. I do pay attention to you all when I'm preaching.

And so, no, that's not your life ambition. That's not what you want to do. So maybe they're there because they think they have to be. Maybe they're there because that was the job they could get. Maybe they're like a number of women that I've talked to over the years who are there as a single parent because some sorry man has walked out on them.

So they're there, you know, doing the best they can to provide for children who are at home by themselves, by the way, and they're terrified about what they're doing there, but they can't afford a babysitter.

I had an experience in our first year of marriage like this. I went to a restaurant on a Sunday with a family and the waitress came over and I'm very chatty. And so I said, well, how are you doing today?

And she said, it's Sunday, isn't it? And I said, oh, oh, I know you have to work on Sunday. And if you didn't have to work on Sunday, you could go to church. And she said, that'd be the last place I'd go if I didn't work on Sunday.

And I'm now trapped. And so I say to her, well, why would you not want to go to church? And she said, why? She said, I'll tell you why. You are the rudest people I wait on all week and you don't make your children behave.

And I must confess, at that moment, there were several large cockroach creatures moving about the tables and screaming and yelling and doing things that little kids do. And I guess their parents were brain dead or something.

I don't know. But they weren't making them behave. And she said, and you're cheap. And she reached into her apron and pulled out a four Gospels track and said, this thing right here won't feed my children.

She turned and walked away. I was devastated. I'm only 21 years old. I mean, I'm just a baby. And I'm like, what did I do? And so I do what you do when you're desperate. I pray and I said, Lord, help me say something when she comes back.

And so she came back a few minutes later. And I said, man, can I say one other thing to you? And she said, sure, go ahead. I asked for it. I said, oh, no, no, no, no, no. I haven't. I did not wish to fuss at you.

I said, I want to apologize. I said, I'm so sorry. For all the time, Christian people have maybe come in your restaurant and been rude, but I'll tell you something. If Jesus came in here, he'd not be rude.

And if he had kids, he'd make them behave. And I said, if he would be, I promise you, unbelievably gracious and generous in what he would leave on the table. And she's not here, but she could tell you as just a matter of testimony, in the 33 years we've been married, not one time, not one time, not one time, not one time, not one time have I ever left less than 15 percent on the table today because I make more money.

The kids are gone. You know, kids leaving the mimpiness is really pretty cool. I mean, I know some of you are like wigging out, stressing out. Oh, it's glorious. I mean, it's really like a honeymoon again.

But this time you've got money. I mean, that's what it is. Yeah, I mean, you first get married, you're poor, you don't have anything. But now they're gone and you got money. So it's really nice. You just kind of do what you want to do.

And you can spend when you go out and eat and it costs you a hundred bucks. It costs, you know, twenty five or thirty bucks. It's just it's glorious. It's wonderful. And so it's not a not a real issue here.

So but anyway, because of that, I now tip it twenty five percent. It's real easy. You know, it's just whatever a quarter of it is, twenty five percent. Now, I'll tell you something, you cannot believe how many doors that's open for me to share the gospel.

I'm not trying to do this, but I have a reputation. Waitresses and waiters fight to wait on my table because they know that I'm going to leave a very big, generous tip. And many times I'll leave a gospel track.

I'll tell the waiter waitress, we're going to pray in a moment. How can I pray for you? And I have had so many opportunities to share the gospel and the door is open. Why? Because I just extend to them grace and love.

Now, I know how some of you men are, and by the way, just so you know, there's a reason why I told this story. All four of my sons are just like me. They treat waiters and waitresses very respectfully, and they make it very clear to all who know their own children, we always leave a very generous tip on the table so that it opens the door for us to tell them later about Jesus.

My son, who just moved to Lebanon, Tennessee, as a new pastor, is witnessing to waiters and wait, I mean, I pray, he just loves to go out. And when he does, he leaves his card with a big tip. Now, if you're going to leave just like your card and no tip or leave a track and no tip, I'm begging you, please don't do that.

Or at least tell them that you're a Methodist or something. I mean, I'm just kidding if you're a Methodist here, okay? I'm just kidding. I don't really mean that. I don't really mean that. I don't really mean that.

Well, I sort of don't mean it, but please don't tell them you're a Baptist. I'm begging you in Jesus name, don't do that because you harm the gospel. And I know some of you say, well, they don't do a good job.

I ain't going to give them nothing. You know why you think that way? Because you're carnal. You're not godly. You see, we have this misconception. We go into a restaurant thinking that we go there to be served.

That's not true. You go into a restaurant per 2 Corinthians chapter 5, verse 20 as an ambassador for Jesus Christ. So you are actually there to serve them by the way you speak to them, by the way you talk to them and treat them and by what you leave on the table.

Yesterday, Eric and I stopped at a restaurant. By the time we left, that lady, I mean, she told us where she went to church. See, she asked me, well, you're not from here, duh, you don't think? Okay. I'm not from here.

And so are you here to party? You're going to go out and party? And I said, well, actually, I'm going to go tonight and teach at a church about how to have a marriage and a family that honors the Lord.

And then she starts talking about her church and where she goes. And we went back and forth. And when we left, she went out of her way to tell us goodbye. And I promise you this, if in some time in the future, I or Eric were to go to that restaurant and have that lunch, she would remember and she would be open to us having further conversation with her.

And by the way, she did a really good job. But whether she did or not, it wouldn't have mattered. It would not have mattered because my goal is to open the door, to share the gospel, my goal is to love her in Jesus name.

And I'm telling you, men, your children watch you. They watch you like little hawks. And don't be surprised when they get big, if they act in exactly the same way as they see their dad. A dear friend of mine named Harold Ochester was a pastor for 40 years at a church in Austin, Texas, a wonderful husband, wonderful father, and he created a list of what he called ways to say I love you for dads.

Don't try to write these down. You can listen to them later. But just some very simple, practical things here that communicate that you love these kids. Number one, begin each day by hugging your wife and each child and telling them you love them.

Two, plan a special night for just you and your wife. It is good for your children to see that you love their mother like a whole lot. Number three, plan at least one time per month when you can be alone with each child individually that helps them feel that you consider them special.

Number four, plan special family trips and activities in advance so that the family has something to look forward to and anticipate. Number five, surprise the family. Cancel a morning, an afternoon, or even a whole day at work just to be with them.

Number six, if you have a daughter, take her shopping, take your son to a ball game, take them fishing, just spend time with them. I'll talk about that a lot in the morning. Number seven, pick a day and let each child go to work with you.

Number eight, take one of your children with you on one of your next business trips. Number nine, take one of your children to special athletic events or shows. Number 10, lead your family in prayer at mealtime.

Number 11, read the Bible to your family. Number 12, tell each child what your dreams are for him or her. I always told my sons growing up, I believe you're going to grow up and do something great for God.

I do. Don't know what it'll be. Maybe you'll be a lawyer. Maybe you'll be a doctor. Maybe you'll be a trash man. Maybe you'll be a football coach. I never, by the way, I never, I never, I never told him I wanted to grow up to go in the ministry.

I never did. That was a wonderful surprise to me with each four of them, who, by the way, informed me after the fact that that's what they were going to do. In fact, I still remember very clearly when my youngest came to me, he's only 22 at the time, and he says, uh, Anna and I, his new bride of less than a year, uh, we're going to go to, uh, Turkey for two years as missionaries.

Really? Yeah. Hmm. So I think that we ought to talk about this any before you made that decision. Nope. You told us all of our lives that we could just do anything we wanted to as long as we love Jesus.

And this is what we want to do. Okay. I mean, what do you say? If that's what you've taught them to do, love Jesus and do what you want. Well, that's what they want to do. And, and it was wonderful. I praise God for that.

And so just in that kind of a way of letting them know, you believe they're going to do something great for the Lord. Many times the words of parents become self fulfilling prophecies in the lives of their children.

So what are you telling your children? You think the future holds for them. Number 13, tell each child how much you love him or her and how very special she or he is specifically mentioned what you like about that child that will bless them.

Number 14, let your children see your tender feelings. I wasn't good at this early in my life. I grew up, uh, under a, with a dad that I never saw cry. Uh, I had a granddaddy that only cried once on the phone, but it was a, it, it stayed with me.

My granddaddy was a farmer and one time I was at the farm and there was a horse that was backing its big tail up against the fence to push it over. I realized horses had that much sense, but it backed its big tail up and was pushing the fence over so it could get out because it was convinced that there was greener grass on the other side.

And my granddaddy, who suffered severely from rheumatoid arthritis, hobbled over and kicked him and said, get your, and he used a very colorful three letter word, get your off my fence. And so as a little seven year old, six year old, I'm like, wow, that sounds like a pretty cool word.

So a few days later, I use this very colorful word in the presence of my mother, only to immediately have my head stuck in a sink with a bar of soap going up into my mouth. And I'm like totally traumatized, not only because the soap is horrific, but I just said what my granddaddy said.

And so finally, when she gets the soap out and the washcloth out and I finally stopped crying, you know, uncontrollably, of course, her next, she didn't even ask at first, it might've saved me this traumatic experience.

But after I had been severely, you know, beaten and traumatized and abused, she should have gone to jail for what she did to me. But anyway, she said, where did you hear that word? And I said, well, my granddaddy said it.

Well, she's on the phone. And though my mother was this very sweet, gentile, five foot four lady, she is, and I've never heard her speak, but this one time in my whole life, like this to her daddy, she is wearing him out.

Next thing I know is she looks at me and says, your granddaddy wants to talk to you. And I'm like, oh, this is just great. So I get on the phone and my granddaddy, who was a very stern, lived through the depression kind of individual who I never saw cry.

I never, I have no memory of him laughing. I just, I just don't. They get on the phone and I could tell by the tremor in his voice that he was weeping. He said, I want to tell you something. Your granddaddy is sorry for what you heard him say.

I should not have said that. And I'll never forget it. He said, I would rather die than do something that would hurt you, and I need to ask you to forgive me. Now, at the time, as a little boy, I didn't granddad, don't worry about it.

I forgive you. I don't forgive mother, but I do forgive. But now I want to tell you that he would humble himself and do something like that. It's just, it's utterly amazing to me that he would love me in that kind of a way.

And so even though he was this very stern individual, he let his feelings down at least at that point. And over the years, maybe it's living life, I don't know, but I have developed a more tender side.

And I realize there's nothing wrong with my sons seeing me weep, that there's nothing wrong with them hearing a quiver in my voice, especially if it's over things that really matter. I was talking to Mike a moment ago about our seminary, and he said, well, tell me how things are going.

I said, things are wonderful. I get to play for Jesus and they pay me for it. I mean, I just have this great, wonderful job. And I said, Southeastern aspires to be known as a great commission seminary.

That's that's our moniker. That's our motto. Every classroom, a great commission classroom. I said, I tell my students who come to Southeastern, don't you pray, Lord, should I go to the nations? You need to pray, Lord, why should I stay here?

Why should I stay here? See, I had a son that did serve for two years in Turkey. There's 78 million Turks and Kurds who live in Turkey. Best case scenario, there are less than 5000 evangelical believers in Turkey.

North Carolina, where I live, has 4000 Southern Baptist churches. 4000 churches. There are 6800 unreached people groups in the world today who never heard even one time the name of Jesus that adds up to 1 .6 billion people.

And they will go to hell if they die without Jesus. And just a couple of years ago, I was on the mission field in Thailand speaking to a bunch of missionaries. And one night we decided to take a small group of them that we were really close to to the to a local restaurant right from the hotel where we've been eating all week at our conference.

And as we were going down the main road like this for about four miles, we turned left to go over to to the restaurant. And suddenly on both sides of the road, I saw something I was totally unprepared for because for about a half a mile, at least a half a mile on both sides of the road, I saw 12, 13, 14, 15 and 16 year old prostitutes.

They had been kidnapped. They had been sold by their parents. Some of them had been deceived, their parents poor living out in the villages were told, look, your daughter, let us have her. We'll take her to the city.

We'll get her in a school. She'll get educated. She can buy you out of this poverty that your family has lived in for generations. And so they naively give them their daughters and never see them again.

I'll tell you what, I think about that every morning. This morning popped into my mind first thing, I mean, I'm haunted. By that. By that scene, and I asked the question, who's going to do something about this?

Who's going to do something about this? Are Buddhists or Hindus? No. Even Muslims and Jews don't think it's right. They don't have a worldview that is going to cause them to be proactive. And trying to do something about this.

Now, there's only one one one worldview in the world, really, that that has a motivation and a rationale for doing something about it, and it's you and me. But what will we say? I didn't share with Mike that I did some research last year because I was on a committee that was studying how southern badness to be more effective in fulfilling the Great Commission.

And we discovered that for every dollar placed in a southern badness offering plate. Ninety seven point two five cents on the dollar never leaves the borders of America. We send two point seven five cents to reach the nations with the gospel.

And we keep ninety seven cents here on ourselves. Now, that should bother you. It bothers me. It breaks my heart. And my sons know that it breaks my heart. My students know that it breaks my heart. And so there's nothing wrong with folks saying that you can be a man's man.

Jesus was a man's man. Jesus was not some sissy girly guy in a long dress with hippie hair. That is not who he was. He was a carpenter. He was a blue collar worker who had a belt around his waist for hammers and things.

He was not a sissy. He kicked the tail of the religious folks in the temple, but he wept over Jerusalem. He wept over the death of Lazarus. Children felt like they could just crawl up into his lap. So you can be a man of steel on the one hand and at the same time be a man of great compassion, man of tenderness on the other.

That's what it really means to be a man of God. And your kids are well served to see that you do have a tender side. I need to move on. Number 15 of his list of 20 demonstrated interest in your children's schoolwork, musical interest, etc.

Ask them to tell you about it and then listen, listen, listen. Number 16, read some good books on parenting and parent child relationships. Hey, you all do. Number 17, attend a seminar or workshop on parenting.

Number 18, write each child a love letter and mail it to them. Pretty good idea. Number 19, apologize to your wife and children for your mistakes and shortcomings as a husband and a father. Tell them what you plan to do to be different.

And then number 20, end each day by hugging your wife, your children and telling them that you love them. Some pretty good ideas from a pretty good man of God. All right, pick up the pace. Number six, your kids need a daddy who loves mom and shows it.

Loving Mom, Discipline, and the Father’s Role

They need a daddy who loves mom and shows it. We talked about this at great length last night, so I won't spend a whole lot of time on that. Just simply say that one of the great gifts you can give your kids is loving well their mother so that they have this sense of security that the two of you are going to be there for them for life.

Number seven, they need a daddy who disciplines in love. They need a daddy who disciplines in love. I'm going to say more about that in the morning, but let me just say this now. It does build a strong relationship and also prepares your children for future responsibilities and relationship.

And guys, ultimately, correction belongs to the father, not the mother. Not that mothers don't get involved in discipline. They do. But ultimately, you're the disciplinarian. Ultimately, you're the one who corrects them.

It is your responsibility to take that lead in providing discipline. And when I say discipline, don't just think in terms of what you mean. I'm the one that's supposed to spank them. You're the one that is to disciple them.

The word discipline contains the word disciple. And so you're the one that is called by God to guide them and instruct them. And yes, when necessary, to get involved in that kind of up close and personal kind of a way.

I told my boys that I love them too much to let them make idiots of themselves. And so I said, you know, bottom line, if I had to, I will knock you flat on your butt in Jesus name. And they knew that I would.

In fact, I would say to them at playful occasions, if I need to, I will chain you to your bed till the day you die. I will throw you some bread and water to keep you alive, but I will leave you in there.

And I love you that much. I care about you that much. I'm not going to just let you go now. Gosh, I could spend so much time here, too. But it's worth the segue. This will be in the next session. I'm going to throw it in now.

When God gives you children, even if you adopt, and I do love the fact that the younger generation is into adoption big time. So I am grateful for that. In fact, our new president of the North American Mission Board, his name is Kevin Ezell.

Kevin was a pastor in Louisville. He was my pastor for eight years. He has three, six children, three biological, three adopted, one from China, one from Ethiopia and one from the Philippines. When they asked him as he was being interviewed for the North American Mission Board, how do you handle conflict?

He says, I deal with international incidences every day, so I'm really well prepared. I am really well prepared. And so, you know, Kevin is just, you know, masterful in this way. But here's my point. Whether you adopt or whether they're biological, all right.

You get what God gives you, OK? You don't really have a vote. You get or get what God gives you, all right? And here's the deal. All kids can basically, for that matter, mates. I could go off on that one, but I'm going to leave that one alone for right now.

But all kids can basically be pigeonholed into one of three categories, low maintenance, medium maintenance, high maintenance. OK, we're all on the same page here. God may give you a low maintenance child.

He may give you a medium maintenance child and he may give you a high maintenance child. Now, for whatever reason, in his amazing goodness and grace, God gave us low maintenance children. They were the well, when they first came to the world, they weren't the twins were demonic.

They had demons that need to be exercised out of them that they did not sleep. I do understand now why some animals eat their young. I absolutely understand it. I mean, sleep deprivation will make you think of things that you'd never do in your right mind.

And so I understand. But after they got through that, the adolescent years were good. The teenage years were good. They were just good. So so we had low maintenance kids, which basically meant for the most part, we pointed them in the right direction and they went, oh, praise God.

But some of you have not been so blessed and you have children that are more in the medium maintenance category, which means a little bit more up close and personal attention, a little bit more time investment.

But let me just jump. Some of you have received a blessing from God that is in the high maintenance category. They came out of the womb with their fist up and they basically came in with their chin out saying, go ahead and take your best shot.

I'm coming back again. And that's what you have. That's that's what you have. Now, here's the deal. If you have a child on that level, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? Are you going to put you going to throw in the towel?

You're going to just walk away or you say, well, you know, hey, this is what God gave me. And so we'll do what we have to do. In other words, it may mean you saying no to some things because you've got to say yes to more time, more investment, more up close and personal attention with that child.

When the boys were little, I forget which one it was, but there was one of them one day that just decided it was time to push the envelope. So I spanked him, sent him to his room, came back out, threw himself on the floor.

Man, he wasn't there a half a second. Up, boom, back in the room. I don't know, must have been again, brain must not have been functioning well at that moment. Here he comes again. I just meet him in the hallway.

I said, you ready again? He looked at me, I said, listen, here's the deal. You're not going to win. I will stay here all day and I will bust your tail all day. I mean, we're not talking about just five, I mean, 10, 20, you want 100 spankings a day?

Hey, I'm your dad. And I was serious, by the way, I wasn't bluffing. See, that's one of the things parents cannot do in discipline. You cannot bluff. You cannot say you're going to do something and then not do it because then you're a liar and they know you don't mean it.

And then sometimes, by the way, you get mad and you drop the hammer early and then they're confused because they're like, well, wait a minute. She always gives me like nine warnings and why do I get whacked on number five?

Well, because you got frustrated. So I was sharing a minute ago with one of the brothers, I said with my kids and I'll talk about this again a little bit more tomorrow. But here's the deal. I just give them one warning.

And I draw the lines where I think the lines need to be drawn and I just say, now I'm not going to tell you again. Next time there will be no words, there will just be action. So with this one, I just said, you know, here's the deal, throw yourself down again, it's going to happen again, throw yourself down again, it's going to happen, throw yourself down again, it's going to happen.

And it'll happen all day long. And I'll take it each time I take it. So he finally said, well, I won't do that anymore. I said, well, then you're not going to throw yourself down the floor now like an idiot anymore.

OK, we're good to go. But here's my point. He knew, he absolutely knew, he said he's not bluffing. He will bust my backside all day long. He will take me back to that bedroom like this all, and I would have because I love them.

And so if you have a child that goes into that high maintenance category, then you just have to make the determination that you will spend whatever time you have to spend with them to get their attention.

Now, let me say this, don't you misunderstand me. I'm not saying that means you always have to spank them. One of the things I learned as a father of four is that different things work differently with different children.

OK, but let me say to you this way, out of a biblical conviction, I loved all my children the same. I treated them all equally. But I did not treat them the same, treated them equally, but not the same.

So what do you mean by that? Well, my twins were typical firstborn pleasers. They just came into the world that way. They're still that way, 30 years old, and they want to please their dad. They don't want me to be upset with them.