TLP 121: No Greater Joy | what you need for joy in your parenting, Part 2

But I have to say that what I'm teaching today is not appreciated by many. You can find hundreds of articles consumed with the idea that it's cruel to tell grief-stricken people the biblical truths we're discussing here.

Joy in Parenting When Children Rebel

Welcome to Truth, Love, Parents, where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents. Here's your host, A .M.

Brewster. Good day, friends. It's so wonderful starting the new year with you, and not only starting the year, but starting it talking about such a joyous subject. Which of us wants more joy in our parenting?

Which of us believe we need more joy in our parenting? Well, I can tell you beyond a doubt that God wants, no, He commands us to have joy in our parenting. Last time, we talked about the effervescent joy that arises from a child who lives the truth of God.

Please listen to that episode if you missed it, and please share that episode because if we want the greatest joy in the universe, the joy that grows from a spiritual offspring, then we're going to have to work hard.

Our children are predisposed to move away from truth. There is work to be done because of that. Share that episode so that more of your friends can learn how to rear a child that celebrates truth and brings joy to his father and mother.

But share today's episode as well. I am eternally certain that there are more parents listening to my voice today whose children aren't daily walking in the truth of God. Those are the parents, perhaps you are the parent, that is so desperately searching for joy.

And our last episode potentially tempted you to despair because the chances of your children walking in truth seem so remote. Joy seems impossibly out of your reach. But you're wrong. And so is your friend struggling with a terrorist child right now.

And so is your neighbor whose child rejects the very notion of God. And so is your beloved brother or sister in Christ whose child seems far more interested in worshiping their own selfish desires than submitting to God.

We all need to understand that the unfathomable fountain of joy is attainable not only in the light of a household that submits to God, but in the midst of broken relationships, turmoil, strife, and pain.

And that's the subject of today's talk. Will you join me today and will you share this episode with a parent who badly needs the joy of the Lord? I know, it seems impossible. The joy we receive when our children walk in truth is the greatest human joy.

If that's confusing to you, I tried to explain it last time, please listen. But by extension, we can assume then that the greatest grief may in fact be that our children don't walk in truth. Here at Victory Academy, I invest about 10 months of my life into a different group of at-risk teens each year.

These are not my biological children, I only just met them. But at the end of 10 months, often we'll have a boy continue rejecting God, continue rebelling. And sometimes we have boys who though they experience wonderful change while here, they quickly slip back into old habits and sins at home.

The grief I feel, a grief which cannot compare to the grief of the biological and adopted and step and foster parents, is so intense. And I only invested 10 months. I understand the grief in part, and yet the joy I have in my own children's walking in truth graciously overpowers that grief.

But there are parents listening to me right now who don't have any sliver of light in their families. So how can a person who is being tempted to experience the greatest grief on earth have joy in the same situation?

Joy Through Trials in James 1

Well that is the glorious truth we want to uncover today. So will you please join me in James 1. I love James. It dovetails so well with our study in The Mirror's Christianity. The whole book dramatically and pointedly calls our bluff and forces us to admit that true faith will always, always produce true behavior.

Our actions, our words, and our feelings will bloom or canker in the reality of our faith. Now see my introductory comments, so real for so many of us, actually betray the problem. Every example I gave a minute ago is the answer to my most painful question.

And Lord willing, we'll find that answer in just a few minutes. Let's read James 1. I'm going to stop from time to time, actually probably pretty frequently, to make application to our lives. So James 1, 2 through 12 starts like this, count it all joy.

It's important to acknowledge that this is the same word that John used for joy that we discussed last time. Count it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you meet trials of various kinds. What's your trial?

What's your temptation, your situation, your consternation? They can be as varied as the people meeting them. Is it your spouse? Is it your children? Count it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you meet trials of various kinds.

For you know. Have you ever thought about that? You know it. You've read Romans 8 .28. You've heard Philippians preached. You've read Jesus's own words about suffering and pain. Maybe you say, well, I don't know.

Great. Well, keep listening. Start listening to the other episodes here at Truth Love Parent. Get yourself into a fantastic church and it won't be long before you've heard it. And once you've heard it, you know it.

But once you know it, you also have another responsibility. Count it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you meet trials of various kinds. For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

The Greek employed here for the English word steadfastness means cheerful or hopeful endurance, constancy, and patience. Be joyful because suffering produces enduring hope. But did you see the other word?

Let. So you have to let steadfastness have its work. Well, how do you let it? We'll talk about that in a more in a minute, but for now, I just want you to see the glorious work that steadfastness is trying to accomplish in you.

And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. Are your children walking away from God? You lack nothing. Is your spouse cheating on you? You lack nothing.

Did you lose your unborn child due to complications with your pregnancy? My dear sister and brother, you lack nothing. I'm not saying the people in those situations are nothing. I'm saying that you don't need those things or those people to be mature, complete, full, and joyous.

If you needed those things to have joy, well, God would not be God. If I need a faithful wife in order to have joy, then I should worship my wife and do my absolute best to create an atmosphere where there's no chance she could cheat on me.

My life should be consumed with meeting her every whim and want and desire so she's never tempted to leave me. If I need obedient children to have joy in my life, then I should worship obedient children.

I would have to spend my entire existence crafting a relationship with my kids that, even in their sinful depravity, they want to do everything I ask. Of course, we know that's impossible. So eventually, I'll also have to lower my expectations.

Perhaps I'd only ever ask of them what they already wanted and forget the rest. Because then and only then will the God of obedient children give me joy. But that kind of family doesn't breed joy. It may give us a feeling of arrogance that mirrors a chemical high.

It may produce a willful ignorance that creates false bliss. But the end is the same as substance abuse. All the while, as we conjure up happy feelings about the home we've created and the relationships we've crafted, we know that we've sacrificed the best and the good and the holy in order to worship the God of a quote-unquote perfect family.

But my dear friends, it's the difficulty, it's the trials that produce the joy, the real joy. But only when we respond correctly to them. Only when we allow ourselves to be perfected and completed and filled by them.

Asking God for Wisdom in Faith

But now we're back to the same question. How do we let steadfastness create maturity and completeness and join us? Well, James continues, If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

One of the reasons we don't pray is that we don't really believe we need God's help to be wise. The same goes for searching his scriptures. Thankfully, most family issues are uncontrollable enough that they drive the Christian to his knees.

But even then, the Lord might not give us the wisdom we need to navigate the trial in such a way that it works in us joy and endurance and maturity. Romans 8 .28 is very similar in that it does prove that every situation in life can produce good, but it may not.

We have to love God and work along with his plans and purposes. It's conditional. And it's his great and grand purpose that we walk in truth and in so doing become more like Christ. Only then will the situation work out to our greatest good.

In the same vein, James tells us that we must ask for God's wisdom in true, genuine faith. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting. For the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.

For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord. He is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. Listen, we've all struggled with family issues. Some of us are in the middle of them right now.

And maybe we've asked God for wisdom, but there's no joy. There's no cheerful endurance. My friends, God says that if we doubt his truth, we are fools to think the situation will result in our greatest good.

We're double-minded. We're unstable. How many of our homes can be defined as unstable? James continues, You hear that? Our reason for boasting and exalting is our lowliness, our humiliation. And herein lies the source of joy in trial.

We are mere mortals who deserve nothing more than death. But this passage ends by saying, Have you been gripped by the grand and sweeping proclamations made in this passage? Joy comes from God. Whether that joy is his working in our children or his working in our trial, the joy is the same.

It's founded in and revolving around God and his truth. It has nothing to do with our kids. It has nothing to do with our circumstances. It has everything to do with our God. But Aaron, I know that. And I still don't have joy.

I don't have God's wisdom. I'm lacking. Well, do you remember the beginning of the passage? You know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. I know you know. But that steadfastness cannot have its full effect in us unless we approach it with wisdom.

Wisdom is merely applying what we know to life. Wisdom is the consequence of faith. Wisdom is the faith. Let him ask in faith with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like the wave of the sea that's driven and tossed by the wind.

For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord. He is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. If you're still confused between the difference of knowing and believing, please, please listen to the Mirror's Christianity series starting in episode 95.

But I have to say that what I'm teaching today is just not appreciated by many. You can find hundreds of articles consumed with the idea that telling grief-stricken people that they don't have enough faith is harmful and cruel.

But that's a lie. James, the half-brother of Christ, the apostle, inspired by the Holy Spirit himself, takes the chin of our tears and our grief and our trials and our hurts and turns it toward the reality of this life.

We need to believe God's promises. God's promises that this situation with your terrorist child will work out to God's greatest glory and your greatest good if, if you love God, if you obey God, if you walk in His truth, if you participate in your own transformation into the character of Christ.

But you won't do it unless you believe it. God commands us to be joyful in trials because He designs them to make us mature, like Christ, complete, lacking nothing. But we have to have faith. We need to believe His promise.

If we don't, we're unstable. We'll be driven about like the ocean in a hurricane. We'll be immature, incomplete, and lacking. My friends, you don't need perfect children to have joy in your parenting.

You don't even need saved children to have joy in your parenting. You don't need a born-again faithful spouse to have joy in your marriage. You need faith. But I need people to help me more, you say.

Yes, help can be such a blessing. There are steps that need to be taken. There are things that a friend can do to help. I believe the person who loves you enough to point you to the Scriptures and help you see how your instability is rooted in a lack of faith should also be the person to lift you up in prayer and one another you and be there for you and answer questions and ask questions and be a friend.

This is why twice a week I encourage you to reach out to us. We have a page on our website, TruthLoveParent .com, dedicated to connecting you with a real person who would love to help you grow in your faith in God.

But when it's all said and done, you will still be left with the responsibility of believing Him. Everything you do and say and feel in your parenting is a result of what you want in your parenting. And what you want in your parenting grows from what you believe about God, His Word, in your parenting.

Count it all joy, fathers and mothers, when you meet trials of various kinds in your family. For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that's driven and tossed by the wind.

For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord. He is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass he will pass away.

For the sun rises with its scorching heat, and withers the grass, its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits. Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial.

For when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love him. I put together some episode notes for you today. I pray they're a blessing. And don't forget about the invaluable resource that is our episode transcripts.

Both the notes and the transcript are available on our blog, TakingBackTheFamily, at TruthLoveParent .com. And please, share this episode. You know people who need joy in their parenting. You know people who need to simply believe God's promises.

Even though Satan and the world and their own flesh are trying to persuade them that there is no hope, God is trying to produce cheerful hope that results in them lacking nothing. You can be an unbelievable blessing to other parents simply by clicking share.

I hope we're all realizing that we are needy in our parenting. Please join us next time as we discuss needy parenting. It has nothing to do with finances. It has everything to do with the reality of our hearts.

If we're not needy parents, then we're not ambassador parents. If we're not needy parents, then we're not going to be successful parents. And if we're not needy parents, then we're not going to be joyful parents.

Peace and Joy in Parenting Resources

And speaking of joy, if you're struggling with a particularly difficult family issue right now, please listen to our Peaceful Parenting series. It started in episode 69 and it's such a massive blessing and encouragement to learn from God's word how we can have peace in our parenting.

Peace and joy are close cousins and frequently attend the same family gatherings. When one isn't around, the other quickly flees. I pray you'll revisit these two series often and that you'll grow in your parental peace and joy.

And don't forget that everyone who becomes a patron at Patreon will receive upgraded benefits for the 2018 calendar year. You can learn more about that by clicking the five ways to support TLP in the description.

And as I mentioned earlier, the TLP counselors are just an email away at counselor at truthloveparent .com. It's always free and we strive to do our best to direct you straight to God and His truth. You can have joy in your parenting.

It doesn't matter what your struggle is. It doesn't matter who your family members are. God is greater.

See you next time. Truth. Love. Parent. Is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent. Join us next time as we search God's word for the truth your family needs today.