February 10, 2021 Show with Dr. Phillip Kayser on “Biblical Romance: What Does the Bible Say About Finding a Spouse”

Biblical Romance and the Search for a Spouse

Live from the historic parsonage of the 19th century gospel minister George Norcross in downtown Carlisle, Pennsylvania, it's Iron Sharpens Iron. This is a radio platform in which pastors, Christian scholars, and theologians address the burning issues facing the church and the world today.

Proverbs, chapter 27, verse 17, tells us iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Matthew Henry said that in this passage, we are cautioned to take heed with whom we converse and directed to have in view in conversation to make one another wiser and better.

It is our hope that this goal will be accomplished over the next two hours, and we hope to hear from you, the listener, with your own questions. And now here's your host, Chris Arnzen.

Good afternoon, Cumberland County, Pennsylvania, Lake City, Florida. And the rest of humanity living on the planet Earth, who are listening via live streaming at ironsharpensironradio .com. This is Chris Arnzen, your host of Iron Sharpens Iron Radio, wishing you all a happy Wednesday on this 10th day of February 2021.

And I'm thrilled to have back on the program somebody that I thoroughly enjoyed interviewing not long ago for the very first time. He came to me at the highest glowing and enthusiastic recommendations of my friend, Dr. Joseph C. Moorcraft III, who you've actually heard as a guest on this program two days in a row here on Iron Sharpens Iron Radio.

I'm speaking of Dr. Philip Kaiser. He is an author. He is the pastor of Dominion Covenant Church of Omaha, Nebraska, and he is the founder of Biblical Blueprints and the Dominion Institute. And it's my honor and privilege to welcome you back to Iron Sharpens Iron Radio to discuss biblical romance, Phil Kaiser.

Thank you, Chris.

Since Valentine's Day is just around the corner four days from now, which is also just to give my listeners a hint if they happen to be passing by a BMW dealership, it is also my birthday. So yes, February 14th has actually been a curse, I think, for a birthday, because as long as I have been old enough to start dating when I was a teenager and then, of course, when I was married for nearly 20 years, on my birthday I always had to buy someone else a gift because it was Valentine's Day as well.

You're too proud.

Yeah, well, I actually felt like I was being gypped every time because I had to shell out money on my own birthday. But before we get into the discussion, which is actually a book that you have written, Biblical Romance, What Does the Bible Say About Finding a Spouse, let's find out more about Biblical Blueprints.

Praise God. And if anybody wants to find out more information about Biblical Blueprints, go to biblicalblueprints .org, biblicalblueprints .org. Now let us know something about the Dominion Institute.

Yeah, Dominion Institute.

And if anybody wants more information about Dominion Institute, go to dominioninstitute .org, dominioninstitute .org. Last but not least, let's find out more about your church where you pastor. And that is Dominion Covenant Church of Omaha, Nebraska.

Yes, we start more information about Dominion Covenant.

Church of Omaha, Nebraska. Go to dominioncovenantchurch .com, the only one of the websites I've mentioned that has com at the end, not org, dominioncovenantchurch .com. Well, this is a subject that I think is a lot more important than people might see on the surface.

They might think this is just a cute, nice little cozy subject to have since Valentine's Day is around the corner. But of course, those that have experienced, and perhaps still are experiencing, the heartache of trying to find a spouse, the heartache of having found a spouse that turned out to be a nightmare because the person turned out to be perhaps a false convert, or even if they continue to profess Christianity, perhaps they're extremely abusive or unfaithful.

There's all kinds of things that have brought people through great trials in regard to this subject. And also, when they didn't follow the biblical blueprint, to use the name of one of your organizations, they wound up courting, dating, getting married to people they had no business as a Christian to be pursuing as a lifelong spouse.

But can I tell you, can I ask you, I should say, what was the initial compelling reason that you had placed upon your heart, the burden that you had upon your heart, to write this book to begin with?

There's a reason for it, sexual involvement, fornication, but the very process of the kind of dating that they were engaged in almost guaranteed that they would fall. And on the other hand, people have overreacted in the opposite direction, and they don't want there to be any romance or what God intended for to be a really incredibly joyful time of learning all of the different directions.

So, dating wars and protect.

Well, I'd like you to go into more detail of examples on both ends of the spectrum of legalism and license when it comes to this whole subject, because I find what you're saying very interesting. I have had guests on this program who, in the past, who have stood for very firmly an exclusive courtship understanding of pursuing a spouse, and just to throw in my two cents, the thing that I have always said in reservation or apprehension about that prohibition of dating is that if you immediately start pursuing or request the courtship relationship with someone that you see at church or have been introduced to or et cetera, I have told the folks that were promoting an exclusive courtship scenario that, to me, it would seem that that would make people more tend toward pursuing somebody that was physically attractive, very physically attractive, because you're going by, initially, the appearance of somebody.

If you don't even know them, if you haven't had any chance to have dinner with them or anything yet, what else are you basing this desire to begin courting them on? But I don't know if I'm making sense there, but maybe I just put my foot in my mouth.

I don't know, but perhaps.

No, no, hey, it will camp out.

Well, when someone is beginning to do that, they see someone that they, obviously, there is typically, if not the vast majority of time, a physical attraction that one has towards the person of the opposite gender, and what do you offer in your book and what suggestions or counsel do you have to involve in this whole process of even how to approach a person?

There is the old-fashioned way that is probably rarely done, but it's even done, I have heard, on a number of occasions by people who aren't even believers, but who, perhaps, they know the father of this woman who they'd like to start dating and have such a high regard for this person and a high level of respect that they ask permission first.

Would you mind if I asked your daughter out to dinner? And, of course, for those who have the exclusive courtship view, they would phrase it differently, perhaps. I have a very deep interest in courting your daughter to pursuing the possibility of marriage.

Do you give your blessings on this, et cetera? But tell us about your views on this and your counsel about any ideas that are biblically sound, that give us liberty and even guardrails on approaching someone to begin some kind of a relationship.

Yeah, that's not going to be a good thing. We'll say difficulty getting married. From what you've already said,.

You believe there is liberty in a variety of ways as long as one is not doing something that God would find offensive. Tell us about what you mean by avoiding reductionism. And we're going to be getting much more deeply into the contents of this book, Biblical Romance.

What does the Bible say about running a spouse right after our first station break? If you have a question of your own, our email address is chrisarnson at gmail .com. C-H-R-I-S-A-R-N-Z-E-N-G-M-A-I-L .com.

As always, please give us your first name at least, your city and state of residence, and your country of residence if you live outside of the USA. And please only remain anonymous if your question involves a personal and private matter.

And this is one of those topics where I could definitely readily see and expect that people might want to remain anonymous, especially if they are in a situation involving pursuing someone that they would desire, at least right now, to have as a spouse, or perhaps they are in a difficult marriage situation, or whatever the case may be, this is the kind of topic that lends itself to people most likely wanting to remain anonymous.

But if it's a general question, a question on the biblical teachings, a theological question on this area, please give us at least your first name, city and state, and country of residence. Don't go away.

We're going to be right back after these messages with more of Dr. Phil Kaiser and biblical romance. Was your business shut down during the COVID -19 pandemic, depriving you of earning any money, causing you to default on your rent as you try to survive without income?

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Betrothal, Courtship, and Biblical Guardrails

Go to nasbible .com, that's nasbible .com to place your order. Welcome back. This is Chris Arnzen. If you just tuned us in, our guest today for the full program is Dr. Philip Kaiser and we are discussing his book, Biblical Romance.

What does the Bible say about finding a spouse? If you have a question, our email address is chrisarnzen at gmail .com. C-H-R-I-S-A-R-N-Z-E-N at gmail .com. As always, please give us your first name at least your city and state of residence and your country of residence.

If you live outside the USA and only remain anonymous, if your question involves a personal and private matter, that's chrisarnzen at gmail .com. Now you've used the word a number of times and the word appears in your book, betrothal.

That is somewhat of an antiquated term and you go through three different aspects of this. Marriages without a time of discussion or betrothal, marriages with betrothal alone, and marriages after a season of discussion and betrothal.

If you could go into more detail about what betrothal means and the differences between those two aspects or approaches.

Yeah, I mean you would wonder how.

Especially a woman would even want to consider marrying a man, unless of course he's stunningly handsome and incredibly rich, if he never says to her that he loves her or that she's beautiful or I mean that's just, that seems strange.

You keep a chaperone love to her, speaks comfort into her life. Hosea 2 verse 15 gives gifts that's one of the languages of love is gift giving. A door of hope, speak with her, they sing together. In fact, they're so in love with each other it's almost like the whole world has turned upside down.

They had 214. So I see betrothal as a god. I mean there can even be seven first watch a woman. Well, some people take that to the extreme and say, okay, well, we can't hold hands. We can't have a, you know, a hand around the shoulder.

It should not. But the literal rendering of that is to ignite a fire. So anything that, you know.

That would be big in me. As Groucho Marx used to say, big of you, it's big of me. Anonymous listener who says, do you believe in marriage after divorce? My late wife was divorced before we were married and I had at least one very close friend who refused to come to the wedding because of that.

What is your opinion on that?

Yeah, I heard an excellent book being recommended to people.

Who were struggling through that issue by John Murray. Are you familiar with John Murray's book on divorce? I believe it's just called Divorce, but he affirms what you were saying. Yeah, I found it both comical and tragic simultaneously.

Uh, when I say comical, I don't mean to undermine the pain that it caused the woman that I know, but it was comically ridiculous. The excuse that her husband gave for filing divorce. He said, I am returning to my Roman Catholic religion.

So I want a divorce. So that's, that's, that's really ridiculous. That's, uh, like saying, uh, I'm buying stock in a pork butcher shop because I've become a Muslim or something like that. It doesn't make any sense as far as that anonymous listener.

Oh, by the way, let me, let me give the good news to that anonymous listener who asked about divorce and remarriage. If you give me, of course, privately through an email, your full name and full mailing address, you have won a free copy of Biblical Romance.

What does the Bible say about finding a spouse by our guest, Dr. Philip Kaiser. And we thank Dr. Kaiser for his generosity and the generosity of biblical blueprints for providing this free book for you.

And we also thank our friends at Cumberland Valley Bible Book Service, cvbbs .com, who will actually be shipping it out to you at no cost to you or to us at Iron Trippin's Iron. Thanks for the question.

So I'm assuming then if you are interested in pursuing a relationship with a person who has been divorced, you should find out why, because as you were saying, even though you believe in a liberty to marry a divorced person, there has to be a biblical reason why the divorce took place to begin with.

Yes, because of Arnie in Perry County, Pennsylvania,.

And Arnie says, I have a friend whose daughter abandoned Christianity and pursued a relationship with a man in a false religion and converted to this false religion and married this man. What counsel or advice should I give to the parent of this woman and how to react, respond and involve himself in the life that she now has with her new husband and this false religion?

There could be other complications in undermining your home, undermining a man called...

Oh, I've actually seen that book. I've never read it, but I've seen it advertised in print.

It not only gives the kinds of weird messed up situations that are out there, and that's why I recommend that people study all of these principles. Already married to three people, three women.

How do you deal with that? Because I know of reformed Christian pastors in Africa who would not counsel the polygamist after becoming a Christian to abandon those other wives and not to pursue anymore.

But how do you view that situation?

Right. I'm thinking, well, not be the husbands of others in that church.

I mean, must be the husband of one wife. He said, exactly.

Ability to nurture, care for, sexually provide for all of his three, four wives. He's going to be kept so busy, so tired. He's never going to be tempted to marry another woman.

Well, we have to go to our midway break right now, and please be patient with us. It's longer than the other breaks because Grace Life Radio, 90 .1 FM in Lake City, Florida, requires of us a longer break in the middle of the show because they have to localize all of their programming geographically to Lake City, Florida, according to the FCC.

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James White of Alpha Omega Ministries and the Dividing Line webcast here. Although God has brought me all over the globe for many years to teach, preach and debate at numerous venues, some of my very fondest memories are from those precious times of fellowship with Pastor Rich Jensen and the brethren at Hope Reform Baptist Church, now located at their new beautiful facilities in Corham, Long Island, New York.

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Are you tired of looking for the silver bullet when it comes to health and wellness? Are you frustrated with the medical status quo which masks symptoms and doesn't treat the root problem of sickness?