Biblical Counseling (part 8)

As we look back at this past year, I think there are events that we would have liked to have happened differently, which our sovereign Lord chose to place in our lives. As you look back at 2021, what are some of your reflections that you predominantly come to your mind?

Amen. You know, the body of Christ, every time we get someone new here, it's an addition to the family and the Lord has chosen to increase our numbers in remarkable ways. Even more than that, that people have confidence, hope, joy, rather than fear and trepidation.

Those are great things to see in the life of believers. So there's a lot we can be thankful for in these specific ways. What else comes to mind when we think of 2021? Excellent. You guys are going for the things that I was thinking you'll tell me personally, this is what I experienced and I'm hearing global conversations and it is good.

Am I a little too loud? Should I? Okay. So when we look at information that we absorb, maybe we've all learned something through this past year to recognize that not all the information that is provided is necessarily true.

And to be able to use reason to see if some of these things make sense, to certainly look at that information through the lens of scripture, to see what does and doesn't make align with the word of God, because in the past years we might have taken information and acted upon it.

And because it is so subtle, sometimes we imbue the things of the world. And the Bible constantly tells us to watch out what the, to not love the world or the things of the world, but rather to love God and to follow him.

And that would require clear thinking. It would require a knowledge of the word and a desire to glorify God in the midst of our circumstances and how that works out as another, not for this Sunday school, but I think it's an important one for our personal walks as well.

The reason I asked about 2021 is this is a time when most people like to make resolutions, you know, Hey, this thing went bad. Let me try to do this thing. And as most of us know, resolutions tend to kind of lose steam in a few weeks or months.

And then it almost feels like we are back to where we are now as Christians. If I look back at the past year and see only the trials and the, and the hurts and my failures and say, okay, what can I do to just overcome these things?

I don't think that's the best way for us to look at life, whether it is at the beginning of the year or anytime in the year. When we look back at the past, we will see those things that broke our hearts and destroyed our ambitions and things that are catastrophic.

But as a believer, one of the things that is required of us, I think, is to be able to look and see the hand of God in and through all those broken pieces. Because if God was not with me in the midst of those things, then I would not have even survived to be where I am today.

And it takes some conscious thinking to recognize that, yeah, my God was with me in the midst of those terrible failures. And I can still trust him going into the new year, but not just, you know, status quo.

But I think in the beginning we talked about how the believer grows from faith to faith. We look back and thank God for what he has done, even though I was the biggest goofball ever. And God took me and brought me to this point and I'm thankful for this.

And I want to continue trusting in him and looking to his hand for what he has for me in the days ahead. Yeah, by myself, I'm going to be worse than what I did last year, but I have the God of the universe with me and I can have confidence as I face this year that he has placed before me.

I do not know if I will finish the year or whether he'll take me to glory. But the days that he has given me, I want to be able to look to him more closely in light of what I have seen in the past year.

Discipleship and Counseling as Christian Responsibility

And so there was a question that I didn't answer and a couple of you reached out to me. So I'm going to begin by talking about that and then we'll jump into our biblical counseling material. By the way, if you don't have one of the handouts, I have some copies on the back near the sound area so you can pick them up.

Even if you just forgot them, please grab them because it's hard to follow without the notes. So the thing I want to start with is discipleship and counseling. So I had mentioned earlier that Matthew 28, we have a command to make disciples and there is a responsibility that we have to other believers and other believers have toward us.

You know, part of it is evangelism where you go and witness to others, but you want to be able to equip believers to grow in grace, to know the truth and to apply it in their lives and be a follower of Jesus in greater and greater measure.

And that's what Christian living is all about. Now I mentioned that discipleship needs to happen in all walks of our life, but counseling is almost like that. You know, when things go bad, when you have a problem, then you have a specific type of discipleship where you apply, understand, help, come alongside and assist this brother or sister to grow in that particular area where they are struggling or they are hurting.

And now when you think of discipleship and counseling, the question that I got asked last time was, well, how do you do this? Who do I go and ask for help? So I thought maybe, maybe Pastor Steve or others who are here can also chime in.

What are some of the ways we do this? So there is an informal aspect of discipleship and counseling where we just are in each other's lives. We both love the Lord. And as one person is gifted in a specific area, we talk to the other brother or sister about the area where they may need some help.

And then we help each other. We maybe read scripture together, memorize scripture together, read a book together, pray together, meet once a week, you know, do, do something just generally with the Lord and the Word in focus.

And that might be a general discipleship type engagement. It may be just in our home groups and in our fellowships. It might be when someone is hurting and you come alongside and you just walk with them for a few days.

The formal aspects of discipleship, and I think I'll talk about that a little bit, and then we can talk about formal counseling. So formal discipleship, so the way I like to do discipleship just because it's a style that works well with me is I normally find two men.

I don't find two women. I find two men and men who are going through a specific that I observe are looking for some help or are in need of help. And I'm talking to them and I discover that this is something that they would, they could grow in.

And then I would ask them if they're interested in counsel in a discipleship relationship and or they may approach me. But normally I like to do it with two people because, well, I like to do it with two people.

We'll talk about why later if there's a question. And I like to do it for like about three months. Sometimes I extend it to six months. And normally depending on what area we are working on for discipleship, if it's marriage or if it is work or whatever it is that it is, I'll find a book that makes sense for them to read on that topic.

And then I'll have other books that are almost general, you know, things about God, things about personal devotions. And so we'll, I have a syllabus, if you will, for three months where I say every week we're going to read this, we'll meet either in person or on the phone, depending on who can meet when and how.

And through this period, I'll initially begin by teaching and instructing and, and we have this conversations about how this applies in each of our lives, not just theory. And then about halfway through, I'd like them to start taking leadership and do the kind of things that I was doing.

So the goal is in three months or six months, if they feel comfortable with the style, they can replicate that style with somebody else. So they've learned something, they know how I do discipleship and they can take it, change it and do it differently with, with other brothers and sisters.

So that's normally how I do discipleship. Um, if anybody wants to share other methods of discipleship that we do here, feel free to share. Thank you, Pastor Steve. It takes humility sometimes, you know, especially with, you know, that this other person may not know as much, but they, in this particular area, they are experienced and have lived their life out.

And, um, I want to be humble enough to learn from the Lord through this brother or this sister. Any other examples of discipleship? Excellent. Yeah, because then you can dive into some areas which need more, but you've covered the breadth of what you cover.

Yeah. Some of the last few was I did exemplary husband because they were really relating to marriage, but I always have a pink for attributes of God. I have a few other readings as well. And that's a great book to, to have fundamentals of the faith.

All right. So, um, so there are many ways to do discipleship. The Bible doesn't say this is how you must do it, but our goal is to look to the scriptures and be able to apply that in our lives as more mature brothers and sisters can help less mature brothers and sisters.

And I'm always in need of discipleship by someone and to be able to discipleship disciple others and the same thing with counseling. So when the last formal counseling I had, we thought we'll do it for like a month or two, and then it turned out to be a little longer.

Uh, again, my wife and I met with a couple and we were trying to, uh, counsel them and it, and it takes a lot of like, we are in step five of instruction. After we met like once or twice, you kind of get a sense and you'll put a plan in place and then you walk with them as you help them work through, um, the truths of the scripture or things that you have lived in your own lives.

And I'm my, my marriage is not perfect. It has its own holes, but I have learned certain areas where I can, I've trusted in the Lord and recognized how to apply the scriptures. And my goal is to help them grow in those particular areas, especially if it is in a pretty serious conflict, then you want to love on them and show them how to grow in grace as they trust the Lord and they trust and they love one another through it.

Um, so the question that I think it was Andrew who asked, Andrew's not here now. Bless you. Uh, the Andrew's question last time was how do I go and find somebody who can counsel me? And my general vague answer as always was, you know, just start talking to people.

And as you recognize that someone is gifted in this area, like pastor Steve just said, you know, this person's been married 50 years and I can see the love between the couple. Then that may be a good place to go and start and say, Hey, you know, your marriage seems to be going really well.

Then, um, I could use a little help. Would you be willing to give me a few pointers? And then, and the mature saint might say, wait, you need a little more than a few pointers here. Why don't we sit together and have a conversation and see what needs to be done?

Um, so that, that would be the natural way in which we do it. We don't have, you know, certified biblical counselors here, but we have people who know the word, who have lived that out and are willing to help one another.

And maybe I was going to ask Andrew, maybe I'll ask him after class. Maybe we can help more of the body, find other people if you're looking for help and you don't know who to talk to. But as I mentioned last time, we can always reach out to the elders and you can reach out to the deacons.

You can reach out to any mature stain saint in this body. All right, let me stop here. Anything else that, because I think there were a few questions that I'm not sure if I answered them all from last time.

I know you want to get married, make sure you've got an appointment with your in-laws, but there is one thing we do require anybody who's getting married here, which is to have a, um, marriage council as a couple with the pastor, Mike, or one of the elders here.

Um, just so you're thinking rightly about biblical truth, practical ways of living together, uh, once you're married and, um, and in, in times I know in our body, we have some good examples of where a husband and wife, a young man and a young woman want to get together.

Uh, but one of them does not have a Christian home from which they're coming and they do not have this understanding of what a godly marriage looks like. And the, one of the parents, the godly Christian parents do take that responsibility to help bootcamp in a maybe a little toned down fashion, but really showing what marriage ought to look like and, uh, and giving a pattern that they can follow when they get started.

That's excellent. And whether it's in marriage or in other areas of our life, you know, it's working, you know, someone doesn't know what it means to be a Christian worker, working as unto the Lord, working, uh, with diligence, with discipline.

And, uh, and someone who is a hard worker can come alongside and help this person showcase and glorify God in their workspace. All right. So we'll go to the material. So in your handout, we are in section five.

We finished last time instruction, but I want to read that again one last time before we move on from there. Um, so the definition for, well, actually, before I do that, the four steps, loving, knowing, speaking, and doing loving involves involvement in the person's life, inspiring, or giving them hope in the midst of their troubles.

Uh, knowing, uh, what it is that I'm counseling this person with getting an inventory of where this person is having difficulty. And once again, it's not just another person, it's yourself as well. Taking the time to list out where, um, where are the, uh, surfacing problems and then interpreting them in light of the scriptures and saying, what is it that the Bible says about this?

What is really the problem here, uh, that, uh, scripturally can be handled. And then for speaking, we look at instruction and that's where we look at the scriptures and then we, um, uh, we, we looked at this last time.

I'll summarize it now, but the next three steps, inducement, implementation and integration are how things move forward. Inducement is, um, helping this brother or sister, uh, get encouraged and have hope and to move forward.

Implement is the, the author of this book says that's like the most key part. You know, you can know all of the other stuff, but if you don't do anything about it, that council will not really help you, you need to implement it.

And we'll talk about that in a moment. And then, uh, finally integration, which is, um, not just the point problem that is getting solved, but how does this, everything integrate in the believer's life, in the life of the church and, uh, and as a whole.

And, uh, how. You move from counseling from this particular situation to a brother or a sister in Christ, who's thriving, growing, flourishing, and helping others do the same, and so that's, that's the goal of, uh, counseling.

So let's summarize instruction one more time. It's definition promoting biblical change through accurate, concrete, practical, and appropriate teaching and counsel from the scripture, providing God's perspective on what to do to solve the problems.

And we began by the first three things who's competent to counsel. Um, there are some prerequisites that we looked at in terms of knowing the word, being able to apply that word. Um, and then B it's based on God's word.

Uh, you need to know God's word in order to be counsel, uh, to be a counselor. And, uh, you want to be Christ-centered in your council, and we want to be able to point to Christ and, um, rest in Christ as you are helping this person grow.

And then the, what the practical parts of it, we saw that in bullets D through, um, G and that was, you know, develop a plan. It just don't do it ad hoc, especially when you're dealing with deeper, more difficult problems.

Um, prepare these outlines, you know, work at it as if you would be teaching someone, uh, which you are. And F is, uh, creating, teaching the scriptures creatively. And we talked about the use of stories and examples, um, and being able to bring that scripture down in a way that, uh, this particular brother or sister needs in order to learn and grow.

And that goes with the level of the counseling. So depending on whether they are mature or image, whether they are in hardened sin or just stuck in something that they didn't see coming, you want to be able to bring that down to the level where you can help them.

And then finally, uh, the how, and we saw this in hedge and I, the goal is Christ likeness. Um, so they rest in Christ and they want to grow into the image of Christ. And so when we are working through the trial, we want to always keep that in mind.

The goal is that Christ may be formed in them. And so I'm not just looking for some stickies to help fix the problem, but how is this person going to look more like Christ as they address this problem?

This trial has been brought into their lives for that very purpose. And as a counselor, I need to be able to direct their hearts in that direction. And, uh, the mechanics of it, uh, we have the put off and put on, and we looked at all of those scriptures last time, pretty extensively, but Ephesians four, 20 to five, four gives a bunch of those series.

And no matter what circumstances you may be facing, um, when you look, read that thing, I'm sure you'll find one there that would apply to you. And you always want to remember, I'm, I'm in this trial, either caused by somebody else or by me.

If it's caused by somebody else, I'm responding to it in a way that is not helpful. Um, so I need to put off those things that are contributing to this trial, but I can't just leave it there. I need to be able to actively put on something else, put on righteousness, put on the love of God that, uh, will help me to walk through this trial in a way that honors him.

And so the next page that you have is the list of putting off and putting on. And I thought we'll spend a few moments here. I'm not going to do the whole, um, section that I had planned last time, but I want you to just scan the putting off and the putting on here, putting off sin, putting on righteousness.

And I have a specific example, but you don't have to use this example. You can pick any other example and talk about how these would apply in practical ways in the areas where you're counseling yourself or counseling somebody else.

Uh, the example that I had in mind was marriage, uh, because I was thinking about it, preparing for this morning. And if you think of marriage, I can guarantee you every single one of these rows here would apply there.

Um, and, uh, and instead of me teaching, maybe I'll, I'll solicit some responses. So what about these putting off and putting on, do you see in terms of practical counsel to someone who needs help? Uh, can you pick one of those rows and say how they would apply either to marriage or to some other circumstance that you're facing, um, either in your life or in the life of your loved one.

And in fact, if someone's not married here, you know, you can think about family, you know, someone who's really close to you, that maybe this would apply in the way in which you apply it to yourself or to your loved one.

I like to be God, even if I don't like to admit it, right. Everybody served me. Yeah. I mean, I think it was a teacher in middle school. Uh, he, it was a secular school, but he was one Christian teacher.

Right in the center of sin is the letter. I very insightful. Uh, very often if I wreck, if you look upward, then you can see how God sees this and you're able to put aside the self and honor other people.

And, um, in, in specific instances, if it is in the discipleship realm, um, it's easier to catch it early so it doesn't escalate, but if you don't deal with it here, and then it comes to the point where now you have patterns of sinful behavior from myself, where I have now set myself up on the throne and I don't even see it, I just see that myself no longer does the duties that are ascribed to her, and I don't even think that I'm thinking incorrectly and now I have to step back out and recognize what is honoring, um, in what ways am I exalting myself and what ways do I need to honor my spouse?

And, um, if it is just me, then, you know, at least one half of the relationship has seen the light and now I need God's help to be able to work through this, uh, this catastrophe that I've built myself, uh, into, but my spouse may have her own sins as well, and now I'll need to be able to come alongside and help my spouse recognize those things and move forward.

And, uh, in other cases, things have become so difficult that the spouses are unable to speak with each other. And, uh, it's okay to ask for help. You know, we don't want to fly to hell for every single problem that you face, but you recognize the need at hand.

You don't realize you realize you are unable to move forward, ask for help. There are brothers and sisters in Christ here who are willing to do that. So let's take other few more examples and then we'll, we'll move on from here.

What are the rows, Charlie? Absolutely. Both in my thinking and in my verbalization. I mean, when I started out with 2021, you know, sometimes I, if I exalt myself, it's like, Oh, you know, the world didn't go the way I wanted it to go.

But the fact that I'm alive today, I'm super glad that the Lord blessed me with so much that I exist today. And it's a way of recognizing my relationship with the Lord. And when I look at my spouse and say, I'm glad she's sticking around with this dance and, um, and be having the eyes to see those things that the Lord has gifted your spouse with.

And that will make sure your heart is thinking right. And, um, and the words, um, James talks about it. It is so easy. It's no man can control it, but for the grace of God. So we need God's help for that.

And, um, and that was actually a spiritual discipline. I tried to exercise last month and my daughter was like, what's wrong with you? You're not talking to watch. I'm still trying to calm my heart and make sure I think right, because there are areas I need to grow in.

There are seasons where we need to, um, any other examples from here? Um, like I said, all of these things will apply in a multitude of areas, but when you're trying to focus on something in particular, it might be one of these things that are central to this particular problem that you're trying to solve.

So for me, when I was deeply anxious, I needed to know that my mind needed to dwell on those things that are above and, uh, well, not dwell on those things that are destructive and, uh, dwell on those things that are above putting off and putting on, and, uh, pretty much consumed me through that period of time until my spirit was back in peace and at rest, because my, my mind was directing my heart in a, in a direction where it ought not to go.

And I need to pick that right thing first and then apply myself wholeheartedly to it. When it comes to relationships, I always, no matter what the relationship problem is, let's go to the central commands, you know, love God and love your neighbor.

They were talking about looking at God first, looking at my spouse as I ought to with love. And when I keep that central, it's like I didn't deserve God's love. God freely and graciously chose to love me.

He forgave me when I didn't come running for him. He keeps forgiving me, even though I'm jumping into that same well, he's patient with me. He knows the things I'm going to do, which I don't know what my spouse is going to do yet, but he's still patient with me.

I use the word nose and you know, the Bible calls God as long nosed, you know, long suffering. He is extremely patient with me. And if God says we have, uh, okay, I forget the reference. One of you can correct, bring that to me.

Um, uh, unless you forgive the sins of, unless you forgive others, your father, your father will not forgive you. And obviously that's talking about, does anybody remember the reference? Um, it's talking about if you are a believer who has been forgiven by God and appreciate the greatness of the forgiveness you have received, you will extend that same grace to others.

If you do not extend that grace to others, count yourself as an unbeliever is practically what that verse is talking about. And, uh, so I need to remind myself of the gospel on this, on that rock foundation of Christ upon which I stand as I relate to others.

All right. So we'll move to the next, go ahead. Oh, the reference. Thank you. Matthew 6 14. So right in the B attitudes. All right. So inducement, we go to section number six. So the definition there, uh, promote biblical change by motivating and persuading the counselee to repent of sinful attitudes, words, or actions on the one side, and to make a decisive commitment to counseling and to obey the Lord following biblical directives.

So, uh, this is really the part where your mind shift happens. So if you're counseling yourself, you must make that decision to put off sin and put on righteousness. And how do you do that? So let's look at a few verses here.

We'll begin with, uh, John 7 17. Let's, uh, go through and read. If you can raise your hand for reading the verses loudly in, and, uh, the next verse is a Proverbs 14 23. Thank you. Um, Proverbs 25, 12, Charlie.

And then, uh, let's actually go through all of these. John 14, 15. Thank you. Uh, Luke nine, 23 and 24. Thank you. And then the last verse is Philippians two, 12 and 13. Thank you. All right. So let's begin with John 7 17.

Yeah, that, when I read that verse like five times, is that the right words there? Um, if anyone's will is to do anyone wills to do God's will, then he will know. So here is Jesus talking, um, to people who are, uh, unbelieving Jewish leadership.

It's like, if you will, you apply yourself to do God's will, you will recognize what Jesus is saying is to be right or wrong. And, uh, and in the, the, the emphasis there is on your desire to do God's will.

So, you know, in all of the circumstances we described so far, it's like there are some things in which I've exalted myself as the Lord and there's the, as the self exalted one, and my will is what needs to be done.

And, uh, the beginning of change happens when you dethrone yourself from being. The ruler of your life. And you want to do the will of God in your life instead. And you will now recognize who Christ is.

And so, you know, if you can say, Oh, I believe in the gospel, I am a Christian. But when I recognize in what ways I need to be dethroned and God needs to be enthroned on my life, I now get to see. Uh, the teaching, uh, of the scripture.

I get to see Jesus, uh, as the, as the model that I want to follow, I get to see the scriptures that speak to these specific specific areas as ways in which these are God's instructions themselves that are the lifeline out of this trial or the suffering that I am in.

And so it begins with recognizing that God's will is what I want to apply myself to. So let's go through the other verses, Proverbs 14, 23. This is going to come up a few times. So I'll maybe explain this a little bit.

Um, you know, I've done this before, but I've seen, uh, some close friends do this too, which is like, you know, you hide God's word in your heart and you memorized it, you repeat it and you go to bed in it and you do nothing about it.

Uh, it might be either in trusting God in terms of where your heart attitudes are, or it's actually going and asking for forgiveness from your brother or your sister, because you wounded them. It's like, okay, I've got this thing in my heart, in my mind, I've made all these things, but I'm really willing to do nothing about it.

Now, a part of sanctification that we'll see later is actually, it's, it's a working out. That is a, there is a labor that is involved, you know, theologically, none of us will say, let go and let God.

But practically that's the thing that I do a lot of time. I'm like, okay, you know, God will somehow carry me through this thing. And I'm just going to coast through this particular trial, uh, because, you know, yeah, he's capable, he'll do it.

Uh, but there is an active obedience that is required of me. And if I'm, if I really do trust God, I won't just say words. I will actually do those things. Um, it's actually coming later, so I'll wait for it.

There's another word, a few verses that kind of support this Proverbs 25, 12. And, um, so the reproof that comes is, uh, never pleasant. So if you are unwilling to change, that reproof is going to sound like.

You know, noise. I don't want to hear this. Uh, but on the other hand, when I'm aligned with the will of the father, I want to hear what the scripture says and a brother or sister comes along and provides reproof, it's like an ornament.

It actually beautifies me who is stuck in my muck. Um, let's move to the next one. John 14. That's what I was thinking of from the Proverbs. Uh, can, can we just dwell on this? What, what, how does that look like in practical life in this particular case of biblical counseling?

I, my will was aligned in a certain direction, but I recognize my love for the Lord, um, and that he is my all. And no matter what it is that I have set my heart on or myself, when I see God, I recognize he is central.

And then what he says now changes the course of my direction. It redirects my will it, uh, I'm willing to, and it's not just the feeling part of it, you know, when I, when I dwell in the word and immerse myself with knowing who this God is, who has saved me, reminding myself of the gospel.

Um, and then the commandment of God tells me to do something that I still don't like. I don't enjoy. I will still obey him in light of my love for him. And that's the one that's going to now change the course of my heart in terms of my affections for it.

Pastor Mike always likes to say that, um, feelings are the caboose. And, uh, I do this all the time. I want to let my feelings lead, or at least my feelings stall from moving in the direction that the Lord has for me.

But when the scriptures then speak to it, I have a responsibility to obey it. And more than that, because of the love of God, that constrains me, that opens my eyes, I'm able to do those things that I otherwise would not naturally tend to.

So that's really the work of the spirit who comes alongside, takes the word of God, reminds me of who I am as a saved, uh, sinner saved by grace, uh, who has received such bounteous goodness from him that whatever this earthly temporal good was that I was seeking for, whether it's bitterness, anger, whether it was a pleasure of sin, um, my heart now is, uh, my mind is instructed by this love that I have for God to say, I need to follow what the Lord says and the spirit enables me to do it and then changes my affections through it.

And so then when this is done, it's no longer, you know, I'm, I'm submitting. I have actually running because I, my will is now aligned with the will of the father. All right. I didn't mean to talk so much.

Let's go to the next one. Look nine, you know, and many of the scriptures that I remember during my justification, when I first came to Christ, I so easily forget when I'm in walking as a believer, I say, Oh, I've been a Christian 10, 20, 30 years.

And so it's like, Oh, my life should be already conformed to the image of Christ. Nonsense. I, every season of my life that are trials and troubles that are going to come new ones, old ones. And if I do not look at these verses as central to my walk with the Lord, it's not going to earn my salvation, but this is exactly what I left the world for when I followed Christ.

And if I am not willing to do the same again, in this particular circumstance, shame, shame on us. Um, I actually remember talking to someone in counseling who was so stuck on this. And I said, you know, if you love your sin so much, just give up Christ and walk away.

Don't, don't call yourself a Christian and, uh, and pretend to live a life of hypocrisy that just woke him up. He was like, no, I can't do that. Well, if you can't do that, rethink what you think about this particular thing you are stuck in.

And all of us need those awakenings because there are times when I'm going to just hold on to those things that are just too close. All right. Last verse, Philippians 2, 12 and 13. Um, so, you know, we're talking about the willingness to change and there are times in our trials where we absolutely recognize that we don't have the ability to change.

I have tried different things and I can't get out of this pattern, whether it's a thought pattern, a practice, whatever it is that I'm stuck in. And, uh, this verse is such a comfort because it ends with really the source of change, uh, and my confidence in the source of change.